I live in the projects, ghetto.
Around here, a lot of drugs
and gangs and stuff like that.
I try to stay inside.
It's kinda like a black hole sometimes.
A lot of people here,
like, got sucked into the black hole
and they're here forever.
Like they were here since,
like, little kids
and they're still here,
on the streets, not up to any good.
So I try not to get sucked in.
Growing up,
it was kinda hard sometimes,
because it's like,
where do I fit in sometimes?
I'm not around people
that like to do the same stuff as me
so sometimes, I feel, like, by myself.
And I don't have
any brothers or sisters,
so it's like, OK, so who do you talk to?
I just had to find, you know,
my own way of expressing myself,
you know, when I was sad
and stuff like that.
And then with friends,
you can't really trust friends
because you never know, like,
who's gonna just turn on you.
So I just kept everything to myself,
and that's why I like creativity.
It means, like, so much to me
because that's how I express myself.
Writing, drawing, fashion,
music, like makeup,
like things like that,
it makes me feel better.
Hi, my name's Katie.
I'm 17 and I live in Sydney, Australia.
I'm not the super, super rich,
you know, the 1%,
but I'm definitely very privileged
and very lucky to be where I am.
We have a nice house with a big space.
I've always had
more than enough to eat, you know,
nearly everything that I need
and most of the things I want and...
Yeah, we're really lucky.
I am very much a nerd.
I love Doctor Who and Sherlock
and Veronica Mars, Avatar.
I love reading a lot.
Obviously, I'm a big Harry Potter fan.
Thing I love most
about books and stories
is escaping into another world.
Yeah, really kind of get
taken away from reality,
cos sometimes, it can be quite
boring and harsh and you just...
you need that escapism.
Often the filter between my brain
and my mouth doesn't work.
I'll say something that I don't mean,
in the heat of the moment,
like when I'm angry or when I'm upset
and it might get me in a bit of trouble,
because although I'm feeling it
at the time, I certainly don't mean it.
My school, it's a selective high school
so we're all really quite smart.
And, you know, being really nerdy
or really out there is just...
it's fine, you know, you're allowed
to be yourself at my school,
which is a really great thing
for when you're growing up because,
you know, often you have no idea
who you are and who you want to be.
When I started feeling really down
about myself
I didn't tell anyone.
I didn't want anyone in my family
to worry about me,
so I just really kept it to myself
and hoped that it would go away.
It didn't.
What most people don't understand
about depression
is, first of all,
it is an actual physical illness,
because there is a chemical imbalance
in the brain
which means you don't get
dopamine and serotonin.
And so, that way, you can't,
you know, feel good about yourself,
and everything's
just a standard flat line.
And the whole kind of thing
where, you know,
there's a light
at the end of the tunnel...
there is no light
when you're feeling like that.
You're just wandering aimlessly
in the darkness forever, you know,
and having absolutely no idea
where you're going.
So, you just want to sit down
and stop.
Something will happen that,
you know, in any other situation,
you'd be able to just brush it off,
like a mark at school
that was less than you expected.
You know, oh, this mark means
you're not going to do well in the HSC,
and then from that, you get, well,
if you don't do well in the HSC,
you're not going
to get into any uni courses.
So you're going to have to be stuck
in a dead-end job
for the rest of your life...
Why are you even here, you know?
It's just gonna be pointless
and you're just going
to keep going on and on and on
and you're never going
to enjoy yourself.
So, you know, you're a failure,
you know, you've already failed,
you're worthless.
My friends over the past few years
have very much been my lifeline.
Paisley... Where to start?
She's always really fun and charismatic
and very sure of herself,
and it's really refreshing.
That's the most obnoxious sound ever.
That's the point,
so that way you can hear it.
Oh.
She's very much been someone
who's always ready to drop
anything to help me.
I'll see you later.
See you. Bye-bye.
Later this afternoon.
I'm coming back for dinner.
Bye.
Just keep your head up
Show 'em no attention
And they start to get fed up...
I started about junior high school,
writing poetry and then one day,
I decided to put it to a beat.
And I'm like, "Wow, this actually sounds
nice and I'm good at it."
It comes easy.
Like, I didn't have to try too hard,
you know, to make up rhymes.
And really, it was, like,
one, two, three.
I can write a song in about
20 minutes or, like, 30 minutes.
All the words just flow,
like, in my head.
Nowadays, like, pop, you can rap to pop.
So I figure,
why not take over that pop-rap,
you know, rop, mix it together?
Why not take over it, you know,
be the princess of the pop-rap?
But I really like it,
because if I'm feeling sad
or if I'm really happy,
I would just write a song, you know.
If you look into my eyes
I can hypnotise your whole mind.
You won't even realise
Because the power of love
Love, my love.
Love Potion is
about hypnotising a boy,
like, just making him
really like you a lot,
by just looking at him,
like, not doing much,
just like, you know, looking
and a little smiling.
Love potion
Tell me how it tastes.
I got the idea from Marilyn Monroe
kind of, cos, you know...
a damsel in distress.
Like, she doesn't really have to do much
and she's, like, ditzy, kind of.
But not so much of the ditzy part,
but so much of not having to do
a lot to get the boy to like you,
like, to woo him in.
So whether it's just, like,
your eyes or just your smile
or, like, the perfume,
like, he's like, "Wow."
Like, she didn't even have to talk.
Like, I really like her.
Don't try and run away
It's already too late
And you gonna be a sad case
if you do.
Take a sip of this love potion
Tell me how it tastes.
I like to cook. I love to cook.
I want to have a catering company.
And my favourite things
is my fish cakes.
Everyone knows my fish cakes.
I got that recipe from my mother,
she got it from her mother.
That's the family secret recipe.
I'll be able to give that
to Breani for the future.
My mum is everything, like...
I wouldn't be here without her.
She got me through a lot.
Like, we argue and stuff like that,
but at the end of the day,
like, that's my mum.
She's kind of like an angel,
like the angel voice that's like...
Like sometimes, when I'm out
with my friends and stuff,
I would think, like, "OK, what would
my mum do and what'd she say?"
OK, if my mum would say no,
yeah, I'm not doing that.
Right now, I'm unemployed.
But I see Breani is getting
more and more popular,
so I'm really looking more into
getting into managing her
more seriously and marketing her
cos I think she will be a great
source of income for both of us,
cos she's... she's hungry.
She wants a better life,
I want a better life.
I know she will probably
never be a doctor or a lawyer
because she doesn't like blood.
And I'll admit she know
she may not want to, like, read
or, like, want to stay in her books
all the time,
because her mind is going,
she's a creative person.
And I know she's gonna do good.
Whether it's rapping, singing,
so... when she has
so many talents, you know?
So whatever she likes to do,
as long as she's happy doing it,
I'm there for her.
Well, my dad, I don't really
know where's he's at.
Like, I never really
knew where he lives.
Breani's dad?
Well, I don't talk about him much.
He's a deadbeat for me now.
My grandfather's like a dad to me.
Like, he taught me about everything
that a dad would teach you.
So, like, people say, like,
"Daddy's little girl."
But I'm, like, Grandpa's little girl.
She know that she's my heart.
She knows that.
And she knows
that she can practically get
anything out of me that she want,
you know?
I can't give her what I don't have.
But anything that I have is hers,
you know?
Growing up, he taught me
many life lessons,
like time management,
how to write, how to carry yourself.
Like, just to be, like, you know,
respectable and stuff like that.
Where I live, he doesn't want me
to, like, fall in the black hole
and become, like, this monster.
Hold it.
Hold it!
I held it, coming here.
Well, people were supposed
to already be here, but nobody's here.
So...
Yeah.
Anything, anything, I don't know.
Whatever you want to wear. OK.
Yeah, hello?
Yeah, forget it, don't come.
Because I don't feel like going no more.
Because I don't understand,
I told you we had to be here at one.
OK, so everybody should have
told me that.
I don't understand.
You should have told me that yesterday
because you told me you was gonna
be here at one.
Anyway, I don't have to come.
So thanks, anyway.
No, because I just did my nails,
so when they're dry.
Well, I'm not going anywhere,
so I'm gonna be here all day.
I said I'm not going anywhere.
Cos I'm not going nowhere.
Cos I don't want to go anywhere.
Yeah, you don't have to come no more.
Because I'm tired now.
Alright.
Well, one of my friends
is gonna still come.
You give all the information to me.
There was a particular boy
and it was just really, really
a complicated situation with him.
And the fact that
I felt so worthless about myself
made everything to do with him
just really, really difficult
to deal with.
And I'd found out
that one of my closest friends,
she had slept with this guy.
And she was meant to be my friend
and it was just like,
you know, how could you do that?
I don't blame her in any way,
shape or form for what I did,
because it was my choice.
In the afternoon,
I took a bunch of pills
and I waited for a while
on a really busy road, you know,
hoping that I'd have enough courage
to step out in front of a car.
But every time, it was just, you know...
I don't want to step out
in front of that person.
That person has a kid in the car,
you know,
that person looks too nice, you know,
that car's going too slow.
I couldn't do it.
When I got home,
I was talking to one of my friends,
and I didn't tell her exactly
what happened and what I'd done
but she pretty much figured it out.
And she was talking to Paisley and...
Paisley rang my home
and spoke to my parents.
And so we got a phone call,
10:30, 11 o'clock at night
and basically told us
what Katie had said on the Net.
And so I went, knocked on her door
and just went in,
and I didn't even say,
"Have you taken anything?"
I said, "What have you taken
and how much have you taken?"
We told her she was going to hospital
whether she liked it or not.
She was very upset at this time
and we took her to Concord Hospital.
She ended up on a drip overnight.
I stayed overnight, sitting up with her.
Doug left about
three o'clock in the morning.
We were both very, very shocked.
We did not realise
how bad she was feeling.
We didn't realise how deep
the hole that she'd gotten into was.
Sometimes, dismissing it
as adolescent moods
is not doing the right thing,
because it could be
a lot deeper than that.
I tended to focus at the time
on what I've got to do to turn around
and what are the options.
How do I make sure that I can turn
and ensure we get
the best outcome from this?
And that's what I was focused on,
for the time.
It's probably that evening, when
we got home, we were all at home later,
and I think we had a...
I had a couple of wines,
and... she saw me cry.
I don't think
she's ever seen me cry like that.
I was just sitting on my couch
and my dad just burst into tears.
And that is the only time
I've ever seen him cry
and because it was
from something that I had done.
And I know he doesn't blame me.
But I blame me.
And I just can't believe
I did that to people.
It's just...
when you're feeling that bad
about yourself,
you honestly believe
that you're a burden on people
and that what you're doing
is a favour to everyone around you.
You know, you feel like
they're just going to move on.
Well, I just told her
how much I loved her
and the thought of losing her...
And one of the problems
with people that are depressed
is they don't feel that they...
or that people don't care for them.
They're worthless,
that nobody will matter,
nobody will remember them.
And I've subsequently told her
a story of a friend of mine
who was killed at school when I was 15.
And it was about three weeks ago,
I actually took her
and showed her his grave.
And I said, "It's 40 years since he died
and he's still remembered."
Hey, gorgeous.
What are you doing?
Ba-bang, bang.
Yeah, and people hang out
with the football team.
No, football team people
are really nice.
Yeah, really nice, I bet.
That's how we go.
So, let's go.
OK.
Wait.
Yeah, that's it, huh.
Waiting.
Ready? Go.
I love Instagram
because I feel like a picture
is worth a thousand words.
Silly faces, guys.
She keeps taking pictures.
Every time I turn around,
she's taking pictures.
And she's been doing that for years.
She just likes taking pictures.
But I tell her, "Make sure you're
not taking provocative pictures."
Some of them are sexy,
but she knows not to go overboard,
like, to show too much skin.
This one is nice. Oh, look at this one.
Most of the time, I just post my face
because there's nobody here
to take pictures of my full body.
So, yeah, my face is basically
what I post every day.
But when I do take pictures...
oh, with clothes on, though...
of my body, it gets more likes.
I guess, like, the clothes
that I wear, people like.
And how I put my outfits together,
my style and stuff like that.
I have about, like,
2000 and something followers.
I don't think that's a lot.
I think I should have
way more followers,
so I'm working on, you know,
expanding my followers.
But also Facebook,
I still have to go on Facebook,
because it's a social network
and, you know, publicity
and everything, so.
I don't really like to post
where I'm at or what I'm doing
because I feel like,
it's none of your business.
Boys, they always want to go further,
like, oh, OK, so she said thank you,
so let me ask her where she's from.
"So, where you from?"
Then they want to have a whole
full-on conversation on Instagram.
And, like, I don't want to,
you know, have a full conversation.
Like, you gave me a compliment,
that was so nice, I appreciate it,
I said thank you. That's it.
I met my ex-boyfriend on Facebook.
He inboxed me and he said,
"Oh, I think you're really beautiful."
And I'm like, "Thank you."
After that, you know,
we started talking.
And as soon as I, like, seen him,
he's like, "Oh, I want you
to be my girlfriend."
I'm like, I just met you in person.
I don't know about that.
So, like, the second time I seen him,
that's when I said yes.
And at first, when I got home
after that day,
I'm like, "Did I really just do that?"
Like, yeah, something is wrong with me.
But I'll see how it goes. I'm young,
what's the worst that can happen?
This is supposed to be fun, right?
Things were good, and then he started
being really overprotective.
Like, I couldn't wear skirts
and I couldn't wear leggings
and I couldn't wear certain shirts.
I couldn't go certain places.
I had to be home by a certain time.
And like on Facebook, like,
all he talked about was me, a lot.
At first, I'm like,
"Aww, that is so sweet.
"He talks about me all the time."
But then, it started
getting a little bit creepy,
like when he would head-butt the wall
and stuff and punch the wall.
That wasn't one time,
that was a regular thing.
Cos, like, things I would say,
he would get mad about anything.
I was like, OK, I'm gonna leave.
I'm not gonna speak to him anymore,
and that's done.
Then, like, two weeks later,
you see on Facebook,
"Oh, Breani went from single
to back in a relationship."
Everybody's like, "Oh, my god,
you two are so annoying."
Facebook was in, like, our relationship.
People would inbox me, like,
"What's going on with you two?"
And it's like, "I don't even know you."
And people would post on my wall,
"You and your boyfriend are so cute."
But they don't know what goes on
behind closed doors.
It was really kind of intense
and it's like, I'm 16,
and this is really happening to me.
But, you know, you live, you learn.
When I'm walking down the street,
I get good looks and bad looks.
And a lot of times, you know,
the girls will look, like,
"Oh, yeah, she thinks she's all that."
And then other girls will be,
like, "Wow, you're pretty."
Every artist has, you know,
their song about haters,
because they're everywhere.
I know I haven't got my full share
of haters yet,
but the more that I do,
the more successful that I become,
and the more I achieve,
they kind of come and, you know,
try to bring me down.
OK.
Haters are the motivation
I ain't got time for no confrontations
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know how they do
Always stop and staring
when I come through
Blow them kisses to my haters
Cos I love all of my haters
I blow them kisses to my haters
Then I wave my hand
and tell them "See you later"
Blow them kisses to my haters
Cos I love all of my haters
I blow them kisses to my haters
Then I wave my hand
and tell them "See you later."
As far as, like, Facebook
and the internet,
before, I did have haters,
but they were like...
friends that I'm no longer friends with.
You know, they would say
like, hateful stuff
just to try and bring me down,
but I don't think anybody in this world
could ever bring me down.
The only person I think
that can bring me down is myself.
Yeah.
Cos I love all of my haters
I blow them kisses to my haters
Then I wave my hand
and tell them "See you later."
I'm just excited about Breani's song
and being in the studio with her.
And I think it's gonna go far.
And I'm going to work
on her internet image...
managing it, so people's gonna
start seeing her more.
I'm gonna put her out there,
cos I've been really holding back.
But I'm ready now,
and I think she's ready too.
So look out for us.
Cos we coming.
Keep your head up
Pay no attention
They start to get fed up
I'll come through Oh, so spicy
You can't trust many
Never know who's shiesty
But I like that boom-boom
Makes things go zoom-zoom
Kinda like a caterpillar
in a cocoon-coon
More than one princess?
There was no room
And I'm kicking competition
With my pretty pink broom-broom!
OK.
OK, break time.
We'll go in that one.
We know that street.
Katie?
Dinner's just about ready.
No, I finished all...
Mum, I finished all my classes.
What, what?
The main way I deal
with my depression and anxiety,
when I start to feel really upset
or really anxious, is my family.
The first person I always go to
is my mum
because she's quite a realist.
So, you know, gives me a bit
of a metaphorical slap on the face
and, yeah, gets me back
into the right perspective.
But also, my friends
have been super helpful.
They always make me feel
so much better about myself,
cos they remind me that I am loved
and that, you know, I am a good person
and all those kind of things.
I'm currently still on anti-depressants
to help me with my mood
because even though emotionally,
a lot of my problems have solved,
I'm still... Well, not solved.
They've kind of been pushed away,
I guess, or left behind...
Left behind, they've been left behind.
School is still really intense
at the moment,
because I'm in my final year and
the pressure is becoming ridiculous.
But I'm using them to kind of maintain
control and perspective.
Tonight is the formal saying goodbye
to Year 12, formal graduation.
Paisley...
Rock!
Kate Willison.
Well done, Katie.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I'm very proud of you, you know that.
Thank you.
It was a really emotionally
draining day, my graduation,
cos, yeah, everyone was crying,
and I'm going to miss everyone.
I'm going to miss my entire year group.
But, you know, I know
I'm going to see them again.
And it's just so exciting,
after 13 years,
to be able to not have
that structure and routine and...
Although, yeah, I still have
to do my exams,
I don't have to go there every day
and experience, you know,
the intensity and the pressure,
and I have a lot more freedom.
My goal is to be something,
to be something big,
to be something extraordinary.
To, you know, be able to change
a person's life
and know that, you know, a girl
from the ghetto or the projects
changed her life around
from listening to my story.
I mean, that will make me feel
like I've done what I have to do.
Like, living where I live
and to still have a creative mind
and to still, you know, not be ignorant
and, you know, not say, well,
you know, I'm from the 'hood
and, yeah, and if you don't like it,
then I don't care.
What you want to do about it?
For me not to have that attitude,
for me to be really open-minded,
for me to love all kinds of people,
being able to rap,
then to being able
to sell out, like, a concert,
like, everybody like,
"Oh, I love you, you changed my life."
Like, that's what I want to do
and that's success.
Well, that's not really success.
It is, in a way,
but that's what I want to do.
Captioned by Ai-Media
ai-media.tv