Zero Charisma
Having a party ?
You could say that.
What is it, like your nephew's
birthday or something ?
No!
That will be 12
dollars and 53 cents.
You saved 2 dollars
and 51 cents today.
Mrs. Weidemeyer.
Wiedemeyer.
I can't wait for you guys to see what
i have in store for you guys tonight...
You're gonna shit!
What is it?
I'm not gonna tell you idiot,
that would spoil it.
No, no of course not.
Alright i will give you a hint.
You may want to stock up on your fire
enchantments before you leave the village.
Is it a flame golem ?
A flame golem? Are you Serious?
Or maybe it's a...
No, you said a flame golem.
Is that what you think it is?
Well is it ?
Let's concider it for a second,
shall we?
Uh, you're walking
across the cursed flats.
When you come across
a flame golem.
Ten feet of animated lava,
ready to kick your ass.
So you cast a fire enchantment on it,
Which is immediatly
absorbed into it's body,
Thereby increasing it's strength
and stamina...
Oh! Right, yeah i...
No, Let me finish! And giving it a
bonus on all of it's attack rolls.
How is that working out for you?
You're right, that would be stupid,
Scott. I'm sorry.
Jesus...
Guess again.
Martin, your elf takes 22 damage,
All spellcasters regain 3 spell slots.
New round. Everyone roll for your action
orders, and state your intentions.
Is your blessing still in effect?
Two more rounds.
Eight. I'm healing this round.
Okay.
Three.
Five. I am attacking the troll
with my warhammer.
He is still paralized by my
grand flash spell.
Sweetness!
12 to hit.
And... 10 damage.
Vronkar's final blow...
crushes the troll's skull.
As he crumbles into a bloody,
smelly heap.
The captain...
Say hello to my little friend.
The captain of the guard approaches...
I'm healing.
I know!
The captain of the guards approaches.
"Thank you my friends"
"My people are safe"
"For now..."
"In return i give you this information
about the stones of light you are seeking"
Oh, isn't that special?
Wayne!
"This was no mere band of
leaderless trolls"
"The rumor among..."
"The rumor amongst my people, is that they
serve the goblin queen"
"Of the Ungar mountains"
She's the one that stole the stones
from Porthaven, right?
"Indeed. She lives in a dark
tower to the east,
from whence she commands her
bloodthirty troops"
"By night, she..."
"Terrorizes the countryside"
"Disguised as a wil..."
Scott!
What?
Come here and open this jar.
Goddamnit!
You screw the lids on too tight.
Hey! I need you to take me to
the pharmacy tomorrow.
Okay, fine.
But not the one on fifth.
A gal works in there, i don't
know where she's from...
But i don't understand
a word she says.
And then she give's me grief,
like it's my fault
she can't understand english.
And i need you to mow the lawn.
Hey, Wayne, Martin and i
fishined the latest
episode of Blood Brigade.
Wanna see it?
Well i wouldn't say that
it's finished.
We still have some sound mixing
to do before we upload it.
Thats fine.
Straigten up, Rodriguez.
If those blood suckers get in here,
i need to know that you're 100%!
But sarge, what we have seen..
Get a grip private!
I didn't survive the
zombie outbreak and
the wherewolf apocalypse
to give up now.
Sarge! They are breaking through!
God help us all!
Let's rock and roll!
And clean out the car
before then.
It's like a dumpster on wheels.
Nana, you promised you wouldn't
disturb the game.
I'm not disturbing the game,
i'm just making myself a sandwich.
well, it's disturbing.
No, you and you friends,
sitting in there pretending
to be elfs and
fairies and shit,
that's what's disturbing.
Just stay in your
room, okay?
Listen mister!
This is my house and my kitchen,
and i'll come into it whenever
i damn well please.
Okay.
And you can take the fucking nerd
herd someplace else if you don't like it.
Put that stuff back in
the fridge.
Shelley, honey, we talked about
this last night.
You... you said everything was okay!
I... i realize that. You told me
everything was okay...
Kenny, we're back.
Go ahead, i'll be there in a sec.
Uh no, we are in the middle of
an important plot point.
No, Shelley, i dont wanna talk
about this later
I wanna talk now... No.
No, no, no, please, please... don't
hang, if you hang up i swear to god...
Damnit!
Shelley wants to separate.
Yesterday everything was fine.
Today...
Tell you what.
We'll take our five now.
That should give you some time
to pull yourself together.
And we'll start up again
at 20:45, okay?
Sorry Scott.
But i don't think
i can play anymore.
Sure you can!
No. No, i have to go.
But it's only 20:30!
What's going on?
Nothing. Kenny's wife
is leaving him.
But we're starting up early on
thursday to make up for lost time.
No, Scott, i dont think i can
play anymore at all!
What are you talking about?
I can't lose my wife, Okay?
And that means making a lot of changes.
You're leaving the game?
This is crazy!
We've been playing one continues
adventure for three years,
And now you're just gonna flush
it all down the toilet?
What else can i do? We barely
see each other as is.
But we're almost through the
hall of the goblin queen!
I just hope she'll still talk to me.
Of course she will! She sent you
the gnome to give you the map!
Not the goblin queen, Scott.
My wife!
Look, i dont expect you to understand.
Okay?
You've never even had a girlfriend.
Yeah because i don't like to be tied down.
How many times do i have to say that?
I'll leave my character so
you can play him as an NPC.
Kenny, wait, wait, wait,
just hear me out.
We have know each other for
a long time.
and i say this as a friend.
Shelley is a bitch.
Goodbye Scott.
NPC? Borgus the mighty
is fucking dead!
Hey Tim, it's Scott Wiedemeyer.
Listen, i've got some
great news for you.
I had to let one of my
players go today...
And i've been lots
of applications,
But, i wanna make sure you
get the first crack at it.
Of course i'm going to be the
GM who else would it be?
Hello?
Hello?
Yo Brian, it's Scott.
Scott, who?
Wiedemeyer. Look, you will not
believe your luck man.
We have an open seat
starting tuesday.
Okay, if you apologize.
Apologize for what?
You know what.
Brian Dumbledore is a homo
it's a fact.
Brian?
Hello.
Hello Mrs. Prendergast.
Is Eric there?
May i ask who's calling?
Scott Wiedemeyer.
Well, he doesn't want to
speak to you Scott.
Why not?
Because you made him cry.
Well, frankly Mrs.
Prendergast, Eric's a crybaby.
And everybody knows it.
Mrs. Prendergast? Shit!
Fuck.
I see that.
Video games are amazing these
days, arn't they?
Beautiful artwork.
Expansive worlds.
Top notch voice talent.
Rolling dice is just a thing
of the past, right?
Right?
Wrong.
It's all a facada.
We think it's a RPG, But you might as
well be playing connect the fucking dots.
And i'll tell you why.
No human interaction.
When we play tabletop RPG's ...
We are reawakening one of
man's oldest traditions.
Games.
No.
Communal storytelling
Just as thousands of years ago...
Early man gathered around the fire.
Developing the myth's that
define their culture...
So we sit at the table,
Building worlds,
Building characters,
Building hero's.
Seeing through them as
through a prism,
Our own fears,
Our own goals,
Ourselves.
Think your Xbox can do that?
I don't have an Xbox.
Good for you.
I play world of warcraft though.
Let me tell you something.
MMORPG's are fucking garbage!
They turn fibrant, creative people,
into drooling zombies
who sit in front of their monitors
jabbing F1 until their
fucking hearts explode.
Take your character sheet and
go back to farmville!
Alright, who else do we
have for today?
Uhh... that was it.
Are you kidding?
One goddamn applicant?
Scott, your break's over.
Alright.
Get more flyers printed,
we'll put them up tomorrow.
Okay.
Now, Scott!
You got a delivery!
Bye Scott.
You know, Mrs. Yi,
when you screech like that,
it only reinforces negative
stereotypes about chinese women.
And when you sit on your fat ass,
not walking,
you reinforce stereotypes
about american men.
Shit!
Psst! Pete!
Scott!
They sent you again man?
I'm the only one that makes deliveries,
i told you that last time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
You're the operational manager
Of all external food
distribution, right?
It's just temporary.
Until i find a publisher.
Nathan.
Scott.
So you have the dragonheart sets
here at the front counter now.
Not what i would have done.
Really?
Well, It's not an impulse buy.
And you have the tactics sets
on the top shelves,
When everyone knows that
historical wargamers
tend to be shorter than average.
It's a wonder this place is
still in business...
Oh, we are doing really well actually.
Business has improved, what?
200% since last november?
Say, wasn't that right around
the time that Huey fired you,
and made me assistant manager?
That's weird right, Nathan?
Scott leaves, business improves.
Yeah, and Pokemon cards.
And we're hosting games four
nights a week now.
All CRPG certified,
and they are always packed.
I prefer home games.
And guess who is coming to do
a Q&A for us next month?
Pikachu?
Greg Goran is coming here?
Just got this in today.
I thought you might want to
be the first to know.
How the fuck did you get Greg Goran?
He's like... the godfather
of tabletop gaming.
That's really good.
Yeah, yeah we've got to put that
on the flyer.
How much do i owe you?
$12,52.
Well worth the price.
Excuse me.
What kind of games do you guys host here?
What are you looking for?
Oh, i don't know, i used to play
D&D back in high school.
Thought it would be fun to
get back into it.
Okay.
If you're looking for a game to play,
i wouldn't play here if i where you.
It's all pre-packaged by the
numbers bullshit.
Alright, I always prefer the homemade
games to the published ones.
Exactly! Now, the campaign i'm
running is one epic story
i've been writing for three years.
And it's uh... Inspired.
Right on, so it's D&D?
No, it's not D&D.
It's a fantasy rule system of my own design.
I don't have a publisher yet
but it's in the works.
Oh.
Can i have my change,
Please?
Matter of fact, we have an opening
for a new player.
If you are interested...
This is a very rare opportunity.
Sure, what the hell... i'm Miles.
Scott, Scott Wiedemeyer.
game master.
Oh my gosh, Martin you're
not listening to me.
The Millennium Falcon is a
broken down smuggler ship.
Yeah, but...
No, no, no, no.
The Enterprise is a federation starship.
Now, which do you think would be faster?
That's exactly what i'm saying.
The falcon
isn't a warship like the Enterprise,
and so it's only defense is speed.
Guys, you are never going
to resolve this.
No, no, no. Voyager, episode 31,
aka. "Threshold".
Oh, here we go with
"Threshold" again.
Everybody knows that episode is in canon.
Oh, for god's sake you guys!
How many times do i have to tell you?
There is no answer to this question.
Let it go.
I'm just saying...
No, look,
Everyone, let's try to keep the geekiness
to a minimum tonight.
Okay?
Just be cool.
Hey Miles.
Scott.
No i... fuck it.
How about a hug?
Falcon has what,
one wookie and a...
Hey guy, this is Miles.
That's Martin, Leonard and Wayne.
Hi.
What's up?
I brought a six-pack,
if anyone wants one.
Is that cool?
Uh, yeah, yeah, that' cool. Beer...
Beer is cool.
Did you want one?
No, actually...
I'm allergic to alcohol. It has
an increased effect on me.
One is like ten.
Lucky you.
Well, If anyone else wants one,
help yourself.
Should we ask him?
You ask him!
Okay fine, i will ask him.
Hey, Miles,
which do you think is faster...
The Enterprise
or the Millennium Falcon?
Guys, we just went over this.
There is no answer to this question.
Actually,
I'd have to say the Falcon.
- Common!
- I knew it!
No, listen, we are talking about two
totally different technologies
from different universes.
Now, check this out, the fastest
Enterprise the Enterprise-D.
Has a max warp factor of what?
9,2.
Which is 1,649 times the speed of light,
we've been over this.
But there is no adequate conversion table
between warp factor and hyper drive.
But in Episode IV: A New Hope,
the Millennium Falcon
travels from Tatooine,
an outer rim system
to Alderaan, a core system
in just a couple of days.
Now, thats about half a diameter
of a galaxy.
Even in a small galaxy,
that's at least 5000 light years.
5.000 lightyears in just 2 days?
That's almost a million times
the speed of light!
So, i'm going to say the
Millennium Falcon is faster.
Fuck me!
We've been arguing about this forever.
Even Scott couldn't figure this out!
It's not that i couldn't figure it out.
I dont like wasting my time
on hypotheticals.
I deal in reality, okay?
Now can we roleplay please?
The four of you have just reached the
entrance of the cave of Durakonor.
Your dwarf guide tells you,
he cannot let you proceed.
This place is sacred.
I'll handle this.
My good friend,
I have lived in these mountains
all my life.
I have as much of a right to enter the
cave of Durakonor as any man.
"You cannot fool me"!
"You are a tourist here".
"You think you can come and
go as you please".
"But the natives of the Ungar mountains
do not take kindly to interlopers".
Perhaps you are right.
But i am also powerfull.
You would be wise to not challenge me.
Shit! Sorry.
Uh, we usually turn off our cellphones
before we start the game.
Text from my girlfriend.
She wants me to come home.
I know what she wants.
Oh lord, that's nasty!
Not to be too crude but I've never been
with a chick who needed it so much.
I mean don't get me wrong,
she's absolutly beautiful.
But i'm always exhausted.
You know what i mean?
Oh, yeah.
Miles was pretty funny tonight,
huh Scott?
Yeah, i guess.
The way he told that captain of the guard
to suck his stubby dwarf dick...
And his backstory was hilarious!
When he said he was raised by wherepigs,
so he had to squeal like a pig
everytime he goes into battle...
Wayne, please!
RPG is about more then just
being funny you know..
I mean, if all i wanted to do was
crack you guys up for three hours,
i could do that you know, that's easy.
What's hard is to get people to think.
To get them emotionally
invested in the story.
That's hard, right?
Right?
Right, Wayne?
Wayne!
Uh? What?
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Is that that girl?
What's her name?
Beth.
Is that her?
What do you think?
Seems nice.
I'm thinking i might ask her
out this weekend.
What?
You really think that's a good idea?
What do you mean?
Well, these online relationships
can be tricky.
She's probably built an image in her mind,
of some tall, handsome and charming guy
And when she meets you, well...
You know.
Oh my god, Wayne you have a
huge zit on your face.
I know.
Let me get it for you.
No!
Come on, it's ready.
No, it will scar!
No, i don't want you to.
Get down!
No Scott. Come on get off me!
Come on, i'm not going to let you
walk around with that on your face!
Come on Scott! Wait, wait...
my glasses.
Oh god.
Want to sleep over?
Hey, Wayne.
Wayne.
Hey.
Yeah?
Remember when the tender of Nerndor
put that curse of never ending
flatulence on Martin's cleric?
And his farting gave away your
position to the kobolds?
That was pretty funny, right?
Yeah, i guess.
I come up with funny stuff all the time.
What's the big deal?
-Scott!
Okay! Wayne, try and keep it down, alright?
-Scott!
Okay!
What was that?
Hello.
Hey Barbara, it's Scott.
Scottie, how are you?
I'm fine. Look, Nana
had a stroke.
Oh my god, is she dead?
No, she's alive.
No, no you don't need to come here.
I think she just wants you to call her.
No, that's not necessary.
Why not? It will just be
for a couple of weeks.
Because then i would have to clean
the shit out of the guest room.
- Scott! You can be so selfish!
- I'm not being selfish.
She's my mother, and i'm coming to
see here whether you like it or not.
Fine!
And it will be great to see you.
Whatever. I've got to go.
I see you didn't mow the lawn.
I was gonna.
Ah!
Ah! Shit.
Scott, for Christ's sake!
Are you trying to kill me?
Sorry, Nana. I'm trying.
I just got out of the hospital.
You wish.
We're here!
Shit!
Anyone home?
Scottie! There you are.
Hi.
Come here and give your mom a hug!
Come on.
Scottie, this is bob.
Hi buddy.
It's so good to meet you.
Your mom has told me a whole
lot about you.
Like what?
Well... uh...
Well, you're here son and uh...
Uh... you.
Scottie, Why don't you help bob
with the bags?
My god.
This house looks exactly the same.
Have you two been stuck
in a time warp?
Nana!
Barbara is home.
Hello mom, it's me! Barbara!
Jesus!
Why are you yelling at me?
I know who the hell you are.
It's good to see you.
You look fantastic.
Pillow.
Mom.
This is Bob.
Ma'am.
Here, let me do that right.
Bob and i met at a self-help seminar
in Dallas, last month, and
we hit it off immediately, and...
drum roll!
We are getting married.
Third time's the charm.
Harvey doesn't count mother.
It was annulled.
You know she was part of a
sex cult, right?
Mother!
First of all,
that was ages ago.
And secondly, it was an
agricultural commune.
Yeah, right.
You think i don't know what
goes on in those places.
Look mom, i know,
i was kind of wild as a kid
- maybe a little irresponsible...
- As a kid?
But things are different now.
I'm getting married, and by next fall
i'll be a registered nurse.
You? A nurse?
Remind me never to have a
stroke in Arizona.
I came here to help you.
You know, To take care of you while
you get back on your feet
and to get this house in order.
There is nothing wrong with this house.
Boy, If i knew all i had to do
to get a visit from my daughter was
pop a blood vessel in my brain,
i would have done it years ago.
You see what i've had to deal with.
Don't bother trying to do anything
nice in this family.
Oh, for Christ sake...
You wonder why i don't visit more often.
Maybe its because i'm made to feel
totally unwelcome everytime
i come here.
Calm down Barbara.
Nobody is out to get you.
I was going to cook a nice
dinner tonight, but...
Now i feel a migraine coming on.
That's just great! I'll probably be
late up all evening.
Bob, could you get me the
coco syrup and a hot towel?
Sure babe.
Well, it was a long flight.
I bet.
Ulrich Benevon, son of Valrich,
Keeper of the stones of light,
meets his mortal enemy
on the battlefield,
the goblin queen Morgan.
You will pay for your betrayal
Morgan, with blood!
Oh, Ulrich. Forever the hero.
But all your posturing will not
safe the life of your king!
Or bring your family
back from the grave.
I swear this...
My family's blood, shall be avenged.
The god's demand retribution!
Knock!
Sorry, i thought this
was a bathroom.
Goddamnit!
What?
Hey.
I just wanted to thank you for
getting the room ready for us.
Yeah, fine.
So, you into wizzards and shit?
I guess.
I saw those Lords of the ring movies.
They were pretty cool.
Not so sure about those hobbits though,
you know what i mean.
You a cowboys fan?
What do you mean, like westerns?
No, like Dallas.
Oh, football. No.
It's hard to believe they let two back's
run up over a hundered yards against them
when all last season it didnt happen 25%
all of the games played...
Yeah well, I'm going to bed now, so...
Right, sure.
Well, have a good evening.
Close the door.
What the fuck is this?
Shit!
Mom! Mom!
Barbara!
What the hell is going on in there?
Well goodmorning to you too.
What is Bob doing in the hallway?
I asked him to take a look at the wiring.
He's a contractor, he knows what he's doing.
The wiring is fine.
How would you know that?
Because the lights go on when
you flip the switches.
Old wiring can cause fires.
No one is keeping an eye on this place.
Look at all this clutter.
It isn't safe for Nana.
Hey, be careful with that, it's mine.
Well, get it out of the
living room, then!
Just so you know, tonight is game night,
so i'll need the house to myself.
God, are you still playing your
little dragons game?
Yes.
So you and Bob need to stay in your room
or go out for the night.
Really? Your mother comes all the way from
Arizona and you want her to go out?
Or stay in your room.
Don't you think you should postpone
your little game while we are in town?
No mom, this is important to me!
We never cancel game night!
Okay, Okay!
God, you sound just like
you did when you were ten.
It was that tone of voice that made it
easy for me to leave, you know?
Let's rock and roll!
Oh my god!
That was fucking rad!
Nice work.
You like it?
It's fun, but uh
it captures a sense of
isolation and dread.
Exactly.
What the subtext clear?
About the dangers of meddling with nature?
- Oh, for sure.
- Nice!
You know i could put a link to this
on my website if you want.
Maybe drive up some traffic.
What's your website?
It's a pop culture news source.
We do articles on comics
and games, movies, that sort of thing.
It's GeekChic.com.
You work for GeekChic?
I'm a founding editor.
No way! I go there all the time.
Me too! Just yesterday i was
reading the article about the
top 100 comic book villains.
It was awesome!
Thanks.
And you would put Blood Brigade
on Geekchic?
Oh, for sure
Oh my god, that's awesome.
I've got a blog too.
Mostly game related, but i write
about movies and other stuff.
Cool!
Yeah, but that's different Scott.
Not really. We both write articles
for the internet . Is what i'm saying.
Well yeah but Geekshic is a real
website with adds and everything.
Oh, just cause i'm not trying
to make a buck it's not real?
Well, no. I mean, your webs...
Some would say it's more noble.
Well yeah, but Miles has
thousands of readers.
Millions.
Millions of readers.
Nobody reads your blog.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Fourteen visitors a week is nobody?
Scott, you guys are being
way too loud.
Yeah, fine.
No. Not fine. I need you
to call it a night, like now.
We haven't even started yet.
Scott, be a grownup about this.
Your grandmother had a stroke last week.
Yeah, last week.
I'm serious, Scott.
Say goodnight to your friends.
We could play at my house,
if you want.
No.
This isn't Barbara's house.
And Barbara can stay at a
motel if she doesn't like it.
What are you doing?
Well, as long as you're going to keep me up,
i may as well join the game.
You can't do that!
Let's see, i'll call my character
Princess Razzmatazz.
I said you can't do that.
Race, caucasian.
Sex, yes please.
And she'll look just
like Wonderwoman.
You like Wonderwoman don't you Scott?
No.
That's not what i heard.
Did Scott ever tell you why he
was suspended in 8th grade?
What are you talking about?
I was never suspended.
It has to do with the boy's bathroom
and a Wonderwoman comic book.
That is bullshit!
I was cleaning a stain of my pants
And Billy Mizer told everyone
a lie because he hated me.
That's not what the school psychologist said.
Guys, she's full of shit.
She was in Colorado when it happend.
I mean, didn't happen!
Your grandmother told me all about it.
She said you had to change schools
because all the other kids kept
calling you the Super Stroker.
Oh, and then there was the whole
shampoo bottle incident.
Oh my god!
Fuck it! I don't wanna play anymore
i'm tired anyways.
Thank you.
Yeah well, at least i didn't abandon my son
to grow marijuana in Mexico!
Hello?
Oh, fuck!
Fucking bullsh...
Well met, adventurer!
You're here for the game, right?
Yeah.
Oh my god, good. I'm Kendra,
Miles's girlfriend.
You're Scott, right?
How did you know that?
Cause everyone else is here,
come on in.
These are amazing.
You are super talented.
Hey Scott, have a seat.
Scott, can i get you anything
to drink? A beer or wine?
Do you have any diet Root Beer?
No, sorry.
Just water then.
Water.
I was just showing the
guys a couple of the pages
from the comic book that
i'm working on.
Check it out.
So, did you go to art
school or something?
No. I'm pretty much just
self taught.
Nice.
Thank you.
It's uh... pretty nerdy obsession.
I don't know how Kendra puts up with it.
Oh, please, you know i think
nerds are sexy.
His brush work reminds me
of early Tom Palmer.
Love Tom Palmer. Check this out.
This crosshatch right here?
I basically just copied his new...
So, you're the game master huh?
Yeah.
I guess that means you're
pretty creative, right?
I guess.
Can i see your hands?
Why?
I'm taking this course in hand analysis,
you know like um
when you can tell about someones personality
based on the shape of their hands.
Let me see.
I'm not gonna bite.
I'm just kidding, relax.
Let me see.
Okay...
Okay.
So...
See? Your index finger is the same
length as your ring finger,
which means that you
are very sensitive.
And... Oh!
Yeah, the thumb angle on your right hand
is greater than that of your left
which means you're a romantic at heart.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Scott, Do you hear this?
What?
Miles might get his
comic book published.
Not exactly. I'm in talks
with a publisher.
I can't tell you which one,
but you would know the name.
Oh, that's really exciting.
Congratulations.
Well, i hope you're protecting yourself.
What do you mean?
Trust me. I've had first
hand experience
with how these big companies
treat their writers.
Oh yeah?
I don't wanna dig up the past,
but short version...
You know the Matrix?
Scott, shouldn't we get
the game started?
You mean the film
with Keanu Reeves?
You know who wrote that?
The Wachowski's?
Tell him Wayne.
Scott.
Tell him.
Scott wrote a story like The Matrix.
I didn't write a story like The Matrix.
I wrote The Matrix.
It was 1998. I was fourteen.
I saw an add for a short story contest
in Digital Horizons magazine.
I had a short science fiction story i
had been working on since junion high.
Naturally i submitted it. When i didn't
hear anything back, i thought,
"Whatever".
"Their loss".
But it must have caught someone's attention.
Because guess what comes out one year later?
What?
The Matrix.
Can you imagine sitting in the theater,
watching as your story
unfolds on the big screen?
And audiences are loving it.
But no one know it's your idea.
So it was your story exactly,
same characters and everything?
No.
No, they made some superficial changes,
Character names, some plot points, the title.
But the core concept...
What was your title?
Knights of circuitry.
Well, that's a little strange.
Not as strange as you would think,
unfortunately.
No, i mean, for starters
One year is a pretty quick turn around
time for a film of that scale.
Could have been two.
I think the Wachowski's were actually
shopping that script around
for a while before it got picked up.
Miles.
That's not to say that...
And let's be honest.
There are plenty of known
influences on their work,
from William Gibson to Jean
Baudrillard to Mamoru Oshii.
I think even Doctor Who had a similar
storyline in the 70's, so...
You believe everything
you read on Wikipedia?
Actually, they told me themselves,
on their set one time.
Really?
Yeah. They were really cool.
That's so cool!
I know.
Well, of course they are
not gonna admit it.
- You obviously have no idea how Hollywood works.
- Scott.
That's the problem with film
journalism right there.
These so called film critics
who just want to be buddy buddy
with the big shots,
and they forget about the real artists,
who are getting stepped on.
But, good luck with your comic.
Don't say i didn't warn you.
Thanks.
Scott!
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Right.
The four of you have just reached
the temple of Azakari,
but a figure stands in your way.
I am Ulrich Benevon, son of Valrich,
keeper of the stones of light.
Before i grant you these stones however,
you must prove yourselves worthy.
How?
Far to the north, there is a mountain
in which dwells a powerful wizzard.
In the wizzard's study is a chest...
where he keeps a single feather,
from an ancient Phoenix
Which is the source of...
Fuck this.
Let's kill the guy
and take the stones.
You can't do that,
he's a good guy.
He's a dick. I'm gonna throw
my sword at his head.
But that's not what you're
supposed to do.
What do you mean "supposed to do"?
Thought we could do whatever
we wanted right.
Well, yeah, but...
Or are you the only one that gets
to make any real decisions?
Fine!
But you'll need a 20 to hit.
I'm feeling lucky.
20! Oh shit!
Give me a break.
And 20 is a mortal blow,
right?
He has to do a stamina check,
or he's dead, right?
Are you fucking serious?
I didn't make the rules man.
You did, remember?
This is so stupid.
Shit!
Now it's my turn and you're
about to get fucked.
That's a 4.
What?
That wasn't a 14.
That was a 4.
No, it was a 14.
Oh my god. You are lying.
Why are you lying?
I'm not lying.
You don't even know how to play.
I know cheating when i see it.
I can't cheat.
I'm the game master.
Yeah, that's what Nixon said.
Maybe we should reroll.
Scott, what was it?
Was it a 4?
So what if it was?
I'm the game master,
and it's my job to make sure
the game runs smoothly,
even when people intentionally
try to mess it up.
I'm not trying to mess anything up.
I'm just trying to have a good time.
Don't give me that innocent shit!
You may have these guys fooled,
but i can see right through you.
What's that supposed to mean?
You like to be the big fish,
don't you?
Come hang out with all the losers,
so you are the coolest guy in
the room, right?
Look, if you think you
and your friends
are losers that's your
problem, not mine.
He's putting words in my mouth.
You can't trust him guys,
he's not your friend.
He's more of a friend then you are, Scott.
Miles put Blood Brigade
on his website, and we got
almost 400.000 hits from that.
Yeah, we asked you like
a hundered times
to put it on your blog
and you never did.
Not that anyone reads it anyway.
Wake up guys, he only did that
so people could laught at it.
That's not true.
What? Why would anybody laugh at it?
Because it's aweful.
Scott.
And i'm only saying this
because im your friend.
And i don't like to see you made fun of.
I think it's good.
Please, you really think Blood Brigade
is a good piece of entertainment?
I do.
Really?
I do. I genuinely like it.
He's full of shit.
Okay, i think you need to leave Scott.
Damn right i am.
We all are, come on guys.
I'm staying here.
Me too.
Guys!
I'm the game master.
I'm the game.
Well, we don't want to
play your game anymore.
What?
After all we've been through,
you're gonna abandon my game.
Our game.
For him?
You can't do this to me.
I've put too much work into this...
It's not supposed to be work Scott.
It's supposed to be fun.
Yeah, Scott. The game has gotten too serious.
It's not fun anymore.
I can't believe this.
Well you cant keep your
character sheets, they're mine.
Give it to me!
Fuck it. I don't want it anyways.
Come on Wayne.
Let's go.
Wait Scott, can't we work this out?
Wayne, come!
Do whatever you want man.
I'm sorry Scott.
Okay, fine.
Just know,
when this guy gets done with
this little expirement,
and cuts you loose,
don't bother trying to come back.
So, come with me now,
and all is forgotten.
And everyone gets
500 experience points.
Fuck you then.
Ulrich Benovon,
Son of Valrich,
keeper of the stones of light,
encounters his new enemy.
Miles Butler.
Hey, i'm Miles. I'm the coolest.
My website gets a 100.000 views...
Enough of your prattle, jackanapes!
Your angers the heavens.
I once went snowboarding
with Joss Whedon so.
The gods demand retribution!
Bob, did you put the particle
board by the curb?
Jup.
Arn't you supposed to be at work?
I got the day off.
Well, you just can't sit around
eating cereal all day.
Watch me.
I'll get it.
Barbara? Mel Vernon.
Actually, today might not be the best day
let me give you a call this evening i think that..
What's going on? Who's this?
I'm Mel Vernon, the appraiser.
- Scott, why don't you go back in the house...
- The what?
and finish your breakfast?
The appraiser.
Services not needed!
Scott.
Goddamnit!
The moment you said you were coming
here, i knew something was up.
Scott, calm down...
I'm sorry to throw a wrench
in your evil schemes,
but this house is mine!
Nana said so!
Can't you two wait until i'm dead
to fight over my shit?
Nana.
Mom, you should be resting.
Well, if somebody would check
up on me every now and then,
i wouldn't have to come out here.
My body could have
been decomposing
for the last four hours,
for all you knew.
I was just going...
Nana.
Nana, i don't like to say "i told you so",
but, i fucking told you so.
She's trying to sell the house.
Oh Scott, don't be paranoid.
Oh, yeah? Why was there
an appraiser just here?
And why did she try to
hide it from me?
An appraiser?
You had an appraiser come
to my house?
What's the big deal? Everyone should
know what their house is worth.
Cut the shit, Barbara.
Bob is a great guy.
He's kind, he's stable,
he's not terribly interesting,
but he loves me and he
wants to marry me.
But...
But i have alot of debt.
And Bob doesn't know.
Not the extent of it.
And i don't know what he'll do
if he finds out...
I swear i wasn't going to do anything
without your permission.
I was just waiting for the right time.
So what do you want?
I sell the house to pay your debt,
and Scott and i live on the street?
No.
An old folks home.
Sandy Point
retirement community.
It's very exclusive.
But Bob's cousin is the manager,
and he said he could get you in immediately.
And best of all,
It's just two blocks from
our place in Flagstaff.
So i could visit you every day.
You are not buying this crap,
are you Nana?
Once she gets the money,
we're not gonna see her again.
Scott, you don't know me
as well as you think you do.
Yeah, who's fault is that?
Oh, shut up, both of you.
Scott, sit down... sit down!
I know you don't have a very
high opinion of your mother,
but she's my daughter
and she's asking for my help.
But you said i could have the house.
You promised.
Well, unfortunately for you,
it's still my house
And i still get to decide
what to do with it.
But that's not fair.
I've been taking care of you all these years,
putting up with your shit.
Excuse me!
Who's taking care of who?
How much rent do you pay, huh?
Who buys all the groceries,
look at me.
And cooks the food
and does the laundry.
I do the laundry sometimes.
Jesus Christ!
When your grandfather was your age
he had a family, a business
and a house he built himself.
Thank god he's not still here to see
how his only grandson turned out.
Yeah, wasn't he a drunk too?
Don't you ever talk about
your grandfather like that.
This isn't over,
you hear me?
You're not getting away with this,
either of you.
I'm getting a lawyer and i'm
suing your asses.
And maybe i'll have you declared incontinent,
for good measure.
Mr. Goran, we'll be ready for
you in about 10 minutes, okay?
Your internet connection sucks.
"Let's rock and roll"!
Shit!
Well, well, well.
I didn't think you'd come.
Well it's a special ocassion.
Yeah, i'll say.
Do you know this is Greg's first
public appearance in 15 years.
Yeah, that's right.
He asked me to call him Greg.
Pete, i wanna apologize to you
for how i've behaved.
I was very angry when Huey
made you assistant manager.
To be honest, i thought you were
completely unqualified.
But...
Looks like, i was wrong.
Looks like...
Anyway.
I'm sorry i let that get
in the way of our friendship.
Okay... allright.
Thanks Scott.
Can i have my old job back?
Seriously.
Can i have my old job back?
Scott.
Scott, you're hurting me.
You're hurting me now.
Pete. Please.
Let go!
Pete...
I really need this.
Look, just talk to me after the Q&A, okay?
Sure, sounds great.
I'll help you clean up.
Hello. Hello.
Good afternoon everybody.
For those that don't
know my guest
i'd like to say a few words.
Greg Goran's association with
tabletop games goes back
a long way.
He was one of the first historical
war strategy game testers
at the age of 15 years old.
In 1989, he became a contributing editor
on the Hunter-Gatherer system,
and later he helped found the CRPG
and authored two of his
own original games,
Battle Scourge and Machine Blood.
Battle Scourge!
He's here today to share some of
that history with us, as well as sign
some autographs.
That's only on products purchased
today in the store, ok?
So, let's give a big hand
for Greg Goran.
Hey everyone. Great to see you
guys could pull yourselves away
from World of Warcraft
for an afternoon.
Maybe there is hope after all.
Now how do you wanna do this?
I thought you might have
something to say
before we get to the questions.
Nah.
Okay. Questions then.
Are there any questions?
Yes.
Hi Mr. Goran.
I was wondering why the editors
of edition 2 chose to lessen
the move penalty from
marshland from -6 to -3.
Well, if you read the second edition
a bit more attentively you'd know that
that was changed to reflect
the new movement ratio so
the penalty is
essentially the same.
Any intelligent questions?
You.
Hi, i'm an independent
RPG designer.
And i've submitted some of my
own games to various publishers,
but i haven't caught a break yet.
Do you have an advise for me?
Write better games,
i guess.
Okay...
Are there any other questions.
Scott.
Thank you.
Mr. Goran, in your 1992 adventure
module "Spires of Doom",
the character of the ice sorceress
was so fully realized that,
I thought she must have
been based on a real person.
Is that accurate?
Actually, yes.
My first wife.
Beautiful, clever, but the
coldest bitch i've ever knew.
That's very perceptive.
Okay.
Also recently,
my players told me that
i take the game too seriously.
Is that even possible for a game master
to take his game too seriously?
Well, It's certainly important for a GM
to be focussed and organized .
When i was running games
fulltime back in the 80's,
i used to spend 20 hours
a week in preparation.
Oh, me too, me too.
At least 20.
But at the end of the day,
it's a game.
It's a way to socialize,
relax and have fun.
you know, and you can get that
with 20 hours of prep or 2.
Ok, moving on.
Yeah, well, don't you think there
is more to it than that?
So, moving on...
I mean, if it's just
about having fun,
why not play tiddlywinks?
Scott enough.
RPG's are more rewarding,
because of what they ask of you.
Look, amigo bottom line,
you're the game master,
the buck stops with you!
If your players
arn't having fun,
you're not doing your job.
Well that's fucking ridiculous!
Scott!
Not doing my job?
I put my heart and
soul into the game.
No game master works
harder than me!
That's it, you're out of here.
I think somebody
needs to get a life.
You get a life!
Battle Scourge sucks shit!
I said get out.
And don't come back!
Oh boo hoo. This
place sucks anyways.
It's a joke. This guy doesn't
know how to run a game store.
The only reason he's
the assistant manager,
is because he's fucking
Huey's ugly ass sister.
Oh, Yeah?
Well, at least i didn't let
the cash register get robbed
because i was in the back
room jerking off to anime.
That just didn't happen. I...
No idea what he's talking
about, I... I...
I think it's weird that he would
even imagine that scenario.
Would you like to see the security tapes?
Because, you know, i kept them.
Oh, my!
Bullshit.
How many people here have
allready seen the tapes?
No it isn't true.
It's not true!
Why? Why? Why am i
shit on constantly?
This world is a fucked up place,
with fucked up people,
who's only goal is to
fucking ruin my life!
Well i'll show you motherfucker.
You want a game?
You want my game?
I'll give you a game
to play motherfuckers.
Yeah, I'll show you a
fucking game to play.
Excuse me.
Do you know where Miles is?
He was here just a second ago.
Are you a friend of his?
He's my nemesis.
Hum...
Okay.
He thinks he's won, but we'll
see who has the last laugh.
Right on.
I'm Kevin.
Scott.
Do you want a beer man ?
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Are you involved in that as well?
No?
She still works there, you know?
I know.
Miles... Miles.
What the fuck?
Hello?
Hey, Wayne?
I need you to do me a favor.
Sure, anything.
I need you to come to my house
and come get Scott.
Why is Scott in your house?
Well... he...
kinda crashed my party, and...
he's been drinking, and...
You're having a party?
Uhh..yeah.
Oh...
So, can you come get him?
Yeah, Yeah, okay,
i'll be right there.
Thanks, bye.
Ah! If this were medieval times,
i'd be well within my rights to
challenge him to armed combat.
If that were to happen?
Spill his guts all over the floor.
It's called the code of chivalry.
May i?
Yeah, sure.
Well, i think it's refreshing
that people still have
nemisis's these days.
You know, i mean you dont
hear that much anymore.
Nemess.
Jup, those were
the good old days.
Back when men were expected
to answer for their actions.
There he is!
Miles, you never told
us you had a nemesis.
Scott, what are you doing here?
Just came to party man!
Drink some brewski's,
talk some shit...
Say, where's Wayne and
Martin and Leonard?
Why arn't they here?
Oh, their invitations must
have got lost in the mail.
Uh Scott, why don't we
talk about this tomorrow?
Whatever is going on between us,
you know, we can work out.
Wait, Wait...
Arn't you gonna challenge him?
Arn't you gonna challenge
him to a duel?
Yes! Thank you Kevin.
Miles!
I challenge you to a
contest of armed combat.
Come on Scott.
Don't do this.
You and me settling our differences
on the field of battle.
Fuck yeah!
Scott, i'm not gonna fight you.
Not for real Miles. We'll just give
them a demonstration, okay?
You guys wanna see a demonstration?
Oh, hell yeah!
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're going to give you a demonstration
on ancient sword techniques.
Don't worry, i'm an expert
on medieval combat and weaponry.
Here man.
Ah, yes.
A two handed broadsword.
My compliments to the smith
who forged this true steel.
No, i'm not gonna fight you.
This guy is fucking crazy.
I'm not gonna hurt you Miles.
It's just for fun.
Just do this and i'll leave, okay?
Come on Miles.
Do it you fucking pussy, come on.
Back up son!
Take your weapon, sir.
Son of a bitch.
Allright, the targets on the human
body are as follows,
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Again, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
- Wait...
- I'm gonna call out a series of attacks.
You be ready to defend,okay?
- Wait.
- 2, 1, 5.
3, 2, 1.
4, 4, 2.
Very good Miles.
You are a worthy opponent.
But a true warrior does
not need a cheat sheet.
He must be ready to react!
Fuck!
You're just good at everything,
arn't you Miles?
You took my game.
You took my friends.
And you think you've won,
but you don't know my power!
Fuck, Scott!
You are hitting too hard!
The gods demand retribution!
Oh my god, Miles!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry Miles.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Miles!
I didn't take anything from you.
It's your own goddamn
fault no one likes you.
You pathetic piece of shit.
Get the fuck off me!
Miles.
Get the fuck out of my house,
you goddamn nerds.
I can sleep over at your house and take
you back to your car in the morning.
I think if i talk to the guys,
we can get the game back together.
After i tell them what happend,
they're not gonna wanna play with
Miles anymore. I'm pretty sure.
Did you ever go out with that girl,
what's her name?
Beth. Yeah.
And?
You were right.
She hasn't called me back.
I wasn't right Wayne.
I only said that because i didn't
want you to have a girlfriend.
Why?
Because i needed someone to be
more of a loser then me.
Tastes like plastic.
I'll take it if
you don't want it.
How's your mother?
She and Bob are fighting
all the time now.
I pretty much just stay in my room.
I'll get her to come see you soon.
Whatever.
At least you're here.
Alright.
I gotta get back to work.
See you at dinner, right?
Hey Scott.
Hey Thomas.
Shit.
Irene, where are you going?
Just going to say hi to Angie.
It's her birthday.
Well, next break is in an hour.
You can say hi then.
Alright.
Where were we?
Ah, yes.
Hagavar the dextrous, has just
been enchanted by the elf witch.
Say, i never got my resistance throw.
I told you, Henry, dwarfs do
not get a resistance throw
against natural magic.
Let's focus here.
I'm going to seduce her
with my high charisma.
No, Burt, she destoyed
your village remember?
You wouldn't wanna seduce her.
Oh, i think i would...
Besides, her wisdom is too high.
You need to roll a 20.
Alright, i'll say... 19.
Good enough for me.
Please, no.
Traduo e sincronia: "Shafyr o Mago"
Eng sub by : "Leito"