1
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
(EERIE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Oh my god!
(GUNSHOT)
(SCREAMING)
(EERIE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
NARRATOR: 10% of all hoarding
cases involve extremely
haunted properties.
Rockford, Ohio,
March 19th, 2017.
A group of reality
show experts set out
to reform a hoarder with
several condemned homes.
This is how the
ultimately reality show
turned into a deadly nightmare.
(EERIE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Welcome to Extremely
Haunted Hoarders.
We're gonna make
reality show history.
And we have made quite
the alarming discovery.
This is disgusting.
I've never seen so
much shit in my life.
This has been a big
job but I'm not done yet.
You're gonna clean this
fucking shit up right now
or you're going to jail.
Die you fuck!
(SCREAMING)
So we have 48 hours to
bring this place up to code.
One, two, three.
Let's get to work.
NARRATOR: This is Extremely
Haunted Hoarders.
Rockford, Ohio was once
a booming Lake Eerie
shipping hub.
Where the industrial East
met the sprawling West.
Nowadays, Rockford has
fallen on rough times.
Addiction and hoarding
are prevalent.
Rockford, Ohio used to
be just such a great place.
It slid, its way down.
Just a fucking dump.
Crime rates are high, lots
of drug use, crack heads.
People are up to move
somewhere else to find a job.
I love this town.
There's a lot to do, there's uh,
lot of chicks in this town
and I fucking love it.
I think Donald Trumps
gonna make Rockford, Ohio
great again.
We got three basic
problems in this place.
Number on, property values.
Number two, drug abuse.
Very very bad drug abuse
and number three
is the hoarding.
I know a couple
of hoarders, yes.
Everybody in this
town is a hoarder.
We have the most hoarders
per capita in the US.
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
NARRATOR: Sheila Smyth
and Dr. Lance Ebe
have been reforming hoarders
across the Rust Belt
for the last three years.
Welcome to Rockford.
NARRATOR: Showrunner Sheila Smyth
has rejuvenated
hundreds of hoards.
Hi, my name is Sheila Smyth
and I'm a professional organizer
and interior
designer specializing
in hoarder decluttering.
Dr. Ebe's patients
have a relapse rate
of 94%.
In a peculiar way, the
patient that we are treating
is actually the entire town.
Alright, its time
to meet our guy.
NARRATOR: Meet Murph Evans.
75 years old, born and
raised in Rockford.
Breakfast?
Oh well, I had chicken
liver for breakfast.
That's a delicacy if
you cook it right.
Chicken livers are
ripe for giving.
I get it when its on 50% off.
I got to get
everything at 50% off.
I'm a 50% man.
NARRATOR: Murph Evans
has been collecting
antique furniture and
cluttering properties
for the last 50 years.
This room here
looks pretty bad,
looks like a lot of stuff.
There's art, all of
great importance in here
but there are some nice things
if you, if you search.
NARRATOR: Every Sunday,
the town convenes
at the Rockford auction and
Murph Evans is a regular.
This is catnip for hoarders.
When you go in, you don't
know what you're gonna find.
The element of surprise
that makes auctions
so much fun.
I believe that the entire town
is suffering and is culpable
to some degree, in this illness
and will have to be treated.
It is disorder writ large.
Sold for $300 there.
Number 110 to buy it.
Number 110.
Oh that shotgun
at the auction.
That's a beauty.
That's a real treasure.
That's a real wall
hanger, that one.
Piece at a time, piece
at time from auctions,
that's for sure.
(SOFT TENSE MUSIC)
NARRATOR: Murph Evans owns at least
three condemned properties,
that we know of.
Named after their former owners.
Nobody in the history
of reality programs
has ever tackled a hoarder
with three properties.
NARRATOR: The Gothic and
forlorn Lemon house.
The Manjuris house,
Victorian haunt on the hill.
The Neiland farmhouse, a
former cauliflower ranch.
Murph Evans is a
phenomenal hoarder.
Every time he acquires
something and runs out of space,
he goes out and
finds another house
and this is extraordinary,
this is a highly evolved,
very aggressive form
of hoarding.
It appears to have ambition.
You get so many chairs,
you sometimes, got to buy four
to get the one you want.
Typically the hoarder
will stay in one place,
like a nest, and cover
themselves in filth.
In Murph's case, there
are satellite nests.
There is almost an entity
that needs to be satisfied
in spite of what I call
a typical hoarder's,
you know, behavior,
which is to be inert,
stationary, and filth covered.
In Murph's case, he's
out going from property
to property, auctions,
all sorts of things,
acquiring these pointless
pieces of shit, really
and then farming it
out to different homes
and this is why I think the town
is in fact the patient,
it is in danger of
being taken over
by a viral hoarding disorder.
He cannot let go of anything.
Its a sickness.
The place is a pigsty.
The man is an animal.
Time does run out
and energy runs out.
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
So either you smarten
up and clean this shit up
or we're coming back here,
we're condemning the place,
you lose everything, alright.
You got that?
Yes, I worry about
my teams, for sure.
I mean we'll all
be crawling through
a twisted mans mind
and that can get
pretty dangerous.
Yeah I think all
this reality TV
is just a bunch of bullshit.
Its just all staged and made up
just to entertain the idle
people with idle minds.
NARRATOR: With the clock ticking before
he loses everything,
Murph Evans agrees
to open his door
to our experts in
a desperate bid
to save his properties.
The contractor team
has arrived in Rockford
to stock up for the job ahead.
Grab some of those knee
pads, you're gonna need em.
NARRATOR: Derek Jago and the Falcon
and Toledo's greatest
house flippers.
Company I represent
is the Duke of Hazard.
That's why they
call me the Duke.
Mostly I roll around with
a guy they call the Falcon.
Name is Tony
Fennick, 34 years old.
Yeah I've been working
with jack off here
for about five years.
He's a little yappy but uh,
that's what ear plugs are for.
Promises me a
promotion every time
but I doubt it.
By the looks of
it, I don't know,
between us, I think
he's kind of losing it.
He's not so mentally stable.
What the fuck?
See what I mean?
That work for ya?
I would compare Duke to
being like a sledgehammer
and I'm more like a chisel.
Hey come on, I know
they don't got those
in El Salvador but
we got em here.
So I'm Maltese,
very proud of it.
Most people don't even
know where Malta is.
What nationality do
it think the Falcon is?
Do you accept pesos?
I don't know.
Korean?
Try to keep those
little legs up to speed,
okay chief?
I take shitholes
and make em livable.
That's a nightmare.
I'm the best at what I do.
If you get the Duke,
you're getting perfection.
NARRATOR: With three homes to clean up,
the contractors must
recruit a local day worker.
Holy fuck.
Welcome to the jungle.
My last job?
This is my last job.
My name is Charles Ivey.
I'm born and raised Rockford.
You, come here.
No, no.
You, you want a job?
Yes I do.
Get in.
Alright.
You're missing the beauties.
MAN: Don't know what you're missing.
(MUMBLES).
(EERIE MUSIC)
How can we be sure that
this is a haunted hoard?
Well we can't be sure until
we get the team in there
processing the site
but in Murph Evans
case, we know for a fact
that several of the
properties that he purchased
were documented hot zones.
NARRATOR: Caleb and Chloe Black
are Northern Ohio's
most renowned paranormal
ghost hunters.
I dabble in ESP.
Astroplanes, precog, truly
connecting to spirits.
Caleb here, he's the tech guy.
Our outfit in
nocturnal frequency
has been going strong
for five years now.
We've been looking
for our time to shine.
We've been building
up the Instagram.
Working on the YouTube.
Rockford is the
epicenter of something.
There are so many tainted
and scary spirits here.
This place is alive.
You name it, we've seen it.
We got the Zanesville
lobster boy.
Made a nine hour web series
out of that encounter.
The Akron chill event.
Eighty degrees outside
except for this one
particular park bench,
sit down, freeze your ass off.
The Paducah angel.
First recorded entity
that is bisexual.
It was a rough patch
for Chloe and I.
We are now divorced.
So we're lucky
enough to be here
with one of Rockford's finest.
Bylaw Officer Chapman.
So can you tell me what
would happen if Murph
can't get his homes
up to code in time?
Well he'll lose
everything for starters.
All his shit, his
homes, his dignity.
Regional township of Rockford
grants me the power to
condemn any hoarded houses
within 60 days of a violation.
Sadly, Murph Evans
has 20 of those.
So I'm just waiting for
the court order to come in
before the township can
confiscate these properties.
So on day one we
like to dive right in.
What's it gonna take
to clear these places
and to be honest with
you, is it even possible?
Each of our teams
have been assigned
a house to inspect.
I personally will be
inspecting the farm house
with Dr. Ebe and Murph Evans.
So you found the
Neiland's house.
This is the oldest one of all.
It was built in 1869.
Its almost an Antebellum.
Oh sorry, you scared me.
Murph Evans?
Yeah.
I'm Sheila, I spoke to
you on the phone last week.
I thought there'd be 10 of
youse coming today.
Well its just for me now.
Well you can't get in there.
There's a whole bunch
of shit piled in there,
so you'll have to come this way.
Okay.
If you'd given me
a bit of time here,
I could of had some of this
stuff piled up a bit neater,
but, however.
That's okay.
Can't change it now.
It was a very unique
experience for me
inspecting the farmhouse.
I have never felt
this sense of fear
anywhere I've been before.
Come onto this room here.
Have a look at this.
It just has this really
negative energy about it.
Oh my.
I can barely walk in here.
It's oppressive clutter.
I have seen the worst and
this is the first time
I have felt personally
threatened by trash.
This is gonna be a bigger
job than I thought.
Well no, a lot of the
stuff I'm not as attached
to as they're making out I am.
So you have a lot
of picture frames.
Oh yeah, I got
some good ones here.
And a lot of
these old portraits,
you can tell they propped
them up after they died
and took the picture.
A lot of it is just
sitting there waiting
maybe to find like a mate for it
to make up a set or
something like that
and it may never get used
it may always be an
orphan just sitting there
waiting to find
another one like it
or the proper place for it.
And so do you
think there's any,
any way you could
get rid of a few
and just keep some
of your favorites?
Well I want to match
them up for pairs and that
before I even think
of getting rid of anything.
See what you can get for pairs
and maybe there
wouldn't be many left.
Do you think its necessary
to keep all of them?
Pairs are important.
Right.
Some things I'm
terribly attached to,
other things are just kinda
sitting there in waiting.
Who's this guy?
Who's that guy?
Oh that's the cutest
little teddy bear.
I don't know where
it ever came from
but its so well
done, the little,
the little, uh, leather
pads on the paws
and that are just so cute.
Oh it is cute.
Is this one a keeper?
Well I'll keep sure.
Yeah?
He's cute.
He's passed the test, he's cute.
(LAUGHS)
Everything's cute
that's in here.
It doesn't matter what it is.
Just a room of treasures.
And you don't, you
don't feel like you could
let go of any of them?
No, no not many anyway.
I'd have to be pretty,
it have to be a pretty
good day for me,
cause I said, I do
want to get pairs
and things all matched up
and I just, sometimes
I said there's lots
that will never get hung up
but pairs are important.
NARRATOR: Dr. Ebe peels
into two hours late
to the farmhouse.
Its all about the
clock, Ebe therapy.
Its crunch time.
I don't got, you know,
a year to work on a guy
with talk therapy or
pharmacological cures
none of that bullshit.
This is like, I got 10 minutes
to turn this around.
I just look at him like that.
Look him right in the eye.
I tell him, we don't
have time to fuck around.
This space we're in right now,
what is your plan?
Well, get rid of some
of the lesser pieces
and then the real good stuff,
Ross is gonna help me carry them
up to the third floor.
Who's that, I wonder?
Oh that will be Dr. Ebe.
How is he gonna get in?
Well I'll go and
get him from the back.
Maybe I can get through.
Just a minute.
Just maybe we can manage this.
See what we can do.
There.
Well I can't wait for you
to meet our doctor, Murph.
I don't need a
doctor, I need somebody
to help me carry stuff
up to the third floor.
(DRAMATIC EERIE MUSIC)
Murph Evans?
Dr. Ebe.
Get in here at all, is it?
Okay.
Sheila, how you doing?
I'm well.
Jesus quick, help me.
Help me.
Show me around
this goddamn place.
Okay, come on upstairs.
The Neiland farmhouse
was a very curious place.
It was very hard to move
around in that house.
It's clearly a maze and a
impossible frustrating environment.
Just didn't really look
like a hoarder house.
It looked like a
warehouse, frankly,
of furniture that was stacked
in them most curious way.
Mostly it had
headboards and settees,
a new word I just heard,
bureaus, things like that
and he knew the
provenance of each one.
That's the base
of a Davenport.
That's a seven foot
double pedestal
Mahogany Georgian sideboard.
This is your John Hall Empire.
This is another Heinzman,
see there you are,
Gerard Heinzman.
I don't know where we're
gonna start with this.
NARRATOR: Even Sheila Smyth,
a seasoned professional,
is apprehensive.
She can feel the
despair within the walls
of Neiland house.
Nobody's died here
since I can remember
but I'm quite sure
that back in the 1800s
when everybody died at
home with the neighbor
helping to do whatever
they had to do
that there probably has
been people die here.
(TENSE MUSIC)
The spirit workers
get their first look
at the Lemon house.
They have the most
challenging task of all.
The removal of unwanted guests.
Mrs. Lemon was sick
here for the last
many many years.
She'd be sitting out
on the porch here
with all her oxygen goodies on
so she lived to be quite old
but I don't know whether
anyone died here or not.
You'd have to, I guess,
have a ghost machine
or something to
find that one out.
Alright, infrared thermometer?
Got it.
Voice recorder?
Yep.
UV light?
Roger that.
Flash light?
Got it.
Blue prints?
Check.
Laser grid?
Roger.
Lighter?
Check.
First aid kit?
Affirmative.
EVP decoder?
That's a big yes.
Night vision head gear?
Got that, too.
Batteries?
No.
Light meter.
Check, check, check
yes, got it, yes.
Right, looks like we have
everything we need here.
No we're missing something.
Something important.
THC incinerator.
Kaboom.
When we arrived
to the Lemon house,
it was a disaster.
I mean clutter everywhere.
The entire house had this vibe
of depression and sadness
and something definitely
had a hold over it.
Hey Chloe.
Setting up here.
NARRATOR: Murph Evans has
crammed the Lemon house
with his bursting inventory
of antique furniture.
You can definitely
feel something in here.
NARRATOR: Psychic, Chloe Black,
has isolated an
ominous vibration
in the first floor parlor room
that was the sight of a botched
suicide attempt in 1908.
Hey Chloe!
(SCREAMS)
Shit.
Oh those ghost hunters.
They're stupid as hell.
They're running around with
them battery charger things
roped onto them
and they don't know
their ass from a
hole in the ground.
They are really really stupid.
(TAPE REWINDING)
GHOSTLY VOICE: Hello.
All our scopes, meters,
dials, and doo hickies
were just going off the radar.
(BEEPING)
I didn't know what
to think of it.
Hey, Chloe!
Where you at?
You need to set up
the EMT right away.
Where?
Upstairs.
You want them all entirely?
(MUMBLES)
Everything.
We need all hands
on deck, let's go.
Right got it, we're doing it.
Done.
(UPBEAT WESTERN MUSIC)
We're standing on the
porch of the Manjuris house.
George Manjuris had died in 48
and there was virtually
nothing done with it
til I got it in 2000.
NARRATOR: The contractors have arrived
to the property to
determine whether this will
be a tear down or a rental job.
Alright, listen up, boys.
Falcon I'll be watching
you like a hawk.
Ivey you let me down,
I'm gonna fuck you up and down.
Jago snapped when
he saw the house.
New born baby Jesus,
this place is a mess.
Ease drops, non existent.
Stair raisers,
completely too small.
Shit.
Holy fuck, look at the windows.
Need all new windows.
Who's paying for this?
Not you.
Falcon, would you look
at this foundation?
It looks like it was built
in 16 fucking fuck me.
You're never done fixing.
As long as you're
living, you'll be fixing.
Something will be falling
off or rotting away.
There's always something.
NARRATOR: Little is known
about Chuck Ivey
and his presence on
set is unsettling.
How do I describe
myself in one sentence?
I like to help people.
I love the heavy metal
music and I love cats.
I was pretty excited about
the initial inspection
of the Manjuris house.
I've walked by it so many times.
There's, there's so many ghost
stories and stuff like that.
Where the fuck is Ivey?
So we've just finished with
the outside inspection,
now its time to go inside.
Its giver.
What are you laughing at?
NARRATOR: The pressure is on.
The Duke will have to gut
and repair three properties
in just three days.
Obviously stage
five mold over here.
Shut up, Falcon.
That's barely a four.
(LAUGHING)
So the house has
had quite a career
but inside its totally original.
It has never been renovated.
When I walked in there,
there was everything from
ceilings falling down
to looks like fat ladies
were having line dance
lessons on the floors
and it was just a mess.
Definitely knobs and
tubes got to be changed.
Well where do you start?
Sulfur in the water.
The walls are falling apart.
Lead paint.
If the Manjuris house
is an indication
of how the rest of
this jobs gonna go.
I think its gonna
be a tear down.
Doesn't seem like the
houses are livable
as they are now.
It's a bit of a maze
getting through it
but however, we've
all done worse.
Oh here's something interesting.
First inspection of
the Manjuris house,
what a beauty.
Got water damage right here,
the wall papers out of control.
More water damage up there.
We got a broken window.
I notice that there's
gonna be a lot more work
than initially was told.
That's par for the course.
Looks like a skunk and
a raccoon had a fight.
Yeah we got our work
cut out for us up here.
They don't understand,
the Duke's got a lot
of work to do and just
can't pussy fart around
at any job.
This place is creepy, man.
(EERIE NOTES)
Still works.
NARRATOR: Dr. Ebe sits
down with Murph Evans,
to conduct his
initial assessment.
The strategy I'm
using with Murph,
is something I call
intensive short term
shame based psychotherapy.
I am interested
in your feelings.
For instance, how do you feel
when you see strangers
walking around,
like we are today,
through your frankly
disgusting house?
Tripping over your garbage.
How does it make you feel?
Why, do you find
me disgusting?
To tell you the truth,
I prefer to ask the
questions myself, okay.
Well fire away, then.
I don't have one right now.
This requires a real
beating up of the person.
Bruising that personality,
making it uncomfortable
until its banished
completely from the psyche.
You know these things
are getting thrown out
into a bin, right?
I don't need no damn bin,
I'm not that desperate.
The best way to do that
is to hold up a mirror and
say, look, this is you.
The world sees you this way.
You're a fucking asshole.
Change right fucking now.
You get mail here?
You ever got a letter?
You ever written a letter?
You ever opened a letter?
Huh, from your sweetheart,
you got a sweetheart?
I'm not thinking not.
Dr. Ebe, he's a mess.
He's all flubby and cutty
and he's had the good life
even though he isn't any good.
All this stuff is
going into a landfill,
You know that.
I don't know why.
Why would you tear down a house
or throw stuff away just cause
things need moved or fixed.
Mr. Evans, I want you
to listen to yourself.
There is no running water here.
There is no plumbing
in this house.
There is no heat.
How do you live here?
I don't live here.
What?
I don't live here.
Hell no, I'm not that stupid.
I just use it to store things.
Let me get this straight.
You don't live here?
No.
What?
No.
EBE: Sheila!
Yeah, I'm in here.
EBE: Word with Ebe, please.
What is it, Ebe?
You know he doesn't
even live here.
What, Murph doesn't live here?
No.
What do you mean,
where does he live?
I don't know.
(STATIC)
Are you gonna crack this guy?
He seems a little...
A little uncomplicated, eh?
That's what I think.
He's a little uncomplicated.
Yeah I've got to
get out of here.
You know, for a
guy with hoarder, uh.
Sheila?
Yeah, what is it Ebe?
God, I love you.
Here's a new one,
pooper in the pantry.
No, no I did not
put that there.
I'm not to that
stage in life yet,
that I need a shitter
in the pantry.
I will have that taken
out, if I live long enough.
By the time I take it out,
probably I will be old enough
to need it.
I have irritable
bowl syndrome,
like gut rye.
Hangs out of you you name it,
its going on down there.
Weak stomach.
I should of told the guys that
but I think it will be okay.
These pipes are looking bad.
They all need to be redone.
Yeah a little PVC.
At least the furnace is new.
At least the furnace is new.
What are you worried about
warming your tiny little nuts?
(GROANS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(FARTING)
(GROANING)
Ah shit.
(SCREAMING)
Ivey, where are you?
I'm gonna (MUFFLED).
Get done here now...
(SPUTTERING)
(COUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
So when I got blasted
through the pipe with shit,
you know, most
people would fold up
and leave right there
but you know what?
That's not what the Duke does.
The Duke's had some
adversity in his life.
He deserves what he gets.
He's just a smart ass,
doesn't know shit from puddy.
So we've just
finished our inspection
of the Neiland
farmhouse and right now,
I guess we're just
waiting on you Dr. Ebe.
Me?
Uh, he is an eccentric
with a blind spot.
He's doing great
damage to himself
and I believe that blind spot
is pride based.
Murph, where you going?
Bullshit.
Why, where do you
think he's really going?
I got an idea.
Let's follow him
in the Trans Am.
I took an Ambien, so
you'll have to drive.
Great.
NARRATOR: Sheila and
Lance must keep tabs
on their patient.
There is a high risk of relapse
at this early
stage of treatment.
Where you going, Murphy.
There's something us he's
not telling us, Sheila.
Murph told us he was
heading to the Lemon house
and as we followed
him, we discovered
he was going to Value Village,
which was quite
disappointing to me.
Why?
Why, Murph?
What do you need?
Some gloves, a
vase, what the fuck?
You know, you've got everything.
Wait here, I've got this.
Okay, just wait.
Okay, so I've just
followed Murph here,
Dr. Ebe and I and
not the best way
to start day one.
He's obviously in there
buying some more junk.
Watch what you're doing.
Sorry.
NARRATOR: Just as Dr. Ebe suspected.
Evan's is in major setback.
The compulsive subject
is observed selecting
random, pointless items.
Hats, shirts, diapers,
and baby food.
Something I can help you with?
No I'm good, thank you.
I think its time
that you've left.
No I was just
going, okay thanks.
Okay, goodnight.
Yeah, thank you.
When they caught
me at Value Village,
I didn't feel really anything.
I know a lot of people there
and I wasn't buying much.
Anyway, its my business.
NARRATOR: The ghost
hunters must now face
the Lemon house.
A legendary portal to
hell in Rockford folklore.
(EERIE MUSIC)
Chloe is beginning to suspect
that the Lemon
house is ground zero
for a number of
extreme hauntings.
There's so many off
vibrations in this place.
(EERIE MUSIC)
Chloe, I'm coming.
Caleb, where are you?
Bedroom, the end of the hall.
Real bad odor.
Oh my god, here too.
What do you think it is?
Familiar smell.
Can't quite put my finger on it.
Salty sweet.
Mostly socks.
Oh yeah.
Switching to black light mode.
Okay fine, socks.
Can we please move on now?
Oh oh yeah.
Copious ejaculate.
Someones been whacking
off into these argyles.
Well at least
there's some finery.
Oh crusty.
Like a burnt pita.
This is nice.
Biohazard.
Call the rental guys.
This is gorgeous.
At least they had some class.
Hang on, Chloe.
I'm coming.
Do not touch anything.
I repeat, do not touch anything.
Chloe.
Chloe?
What?
Remove the kerchief.
Why?
It looks nice, don't you think?
Chloe.
(GAGGING)
Get it, get it off.
Caleb get it off, get it off.
No I don't want it.
Its clear.
You're clear
What the fuck?
(GROANS)
NARRATOR: Sheila and Ebe
have tracked Murph across
town to a mysterious
undisclosed location.
Behold, property number four.
The Maitland house.
What is this place?
I don't know, Sheila.
Oh this is so creepy.
God damn it, what's
he doing in there?
He's keeping all these
secrets and I'm nervous
that there's gonna
be a lot of surprises
that we are not anticipating.
This is the place.
This is what he's
been hiding all along.
Goddamn it, Sheila.
This is gold.
(ETHEREAL ROARING)
What the fuck was that?
Well the Maitland
house was a big shock.
The fact that Murph
Evans was keeping
this from us, I
can't treat someone
who keeps secrets.
Stay put.
Ebe's gonna check it out.
Ebe, Ebe.
You're sick in
the fucking head.
Be honest about it.
Don't hide shit
and so he hid Maitland's from us
and its clearly where
it all goes down.
That's where it started.
I have no doubt
and I believe that's
where its gonna end up.
Ebe, I am the showrunner.
You need my approval.
What are you,
where did you get
that jacket from?
Ebe, I don't know about this.
Goddamn it, Murph
Evans, its Doc Ebe.
Open this fuckin' door.
Okay, I think we should go.
This seems dangerous.
What an invasion of privacy
cause they haven't any clue
what they're looking at
or what they're doing.
Alright, Murph,
what's going on in here?
What are you guys doing here?
What is going on...
(COUGHING)
Jesus.
What is that?
I can smell dead
animals, dead flesh.
It is a disgusting
place where perhaps
one of the most highly
evolved hoarders
in my career has
amassed a hideous shrine
to his internal demon.
We ended up
discovering this house
which had the most
horrendous reek
coming out of it.
That is the smell
of rotting flesh.
Feces, god damn rotting animals.
I don't really
know what's in there
and I'm so nervous to find out.
Okay, I don't understand.
Is this a whole other house?
Yeah, this is where I live.
This is the Maitland house.
(STATIC)
Okay, we are not
going in there tonight.
We need some sort of
biohazard team here.
Alright.
You're making me feel bad.
Is there any other
things we need to know?
Any secrets you're hiding?
Not that I know of.
Would you like
the midnight tour?
(UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC)
Okay guys.
We got to be super quiet up here
cause this attics
infested with bees.
Well let's be careful because
I am extremely allergic.
I think.
I've had a hell of
a time with the bees.
They uh, they can
move faster than I can
and there was many times
I wanted to do a job
and they wouldn't
let me even do it.
Shit.
Okay get ready.
Blast those
motherfuckers, Chuck.
Oh fuck.
Run, you dickheads.
Shit, you got to be kidding me.
Oh bees in the attic.
I tell these idiots to be quiet
and what do they do?
Make a huge ruckus.
I think Falcon little ass
got taken out of there
by a couple of the big ones.
So day one is done
and this by far is
the shittiest project
we've ever done.
You okay?
Yeah I'm alright.
So that's day one in the can.
Which is to say
the can is empty.
We didn't really get much
accomplished today at all.
In my expert opinion,
the Maitland house
is ground zero for an
entire town of horrors.
Except for get to know
Murph, that was quite nice.
He is, he's quite lovable.
There's something about him.
The other houses, the
Manjuris, the Lemons,
and that fucking
Neiland shit box
really are symptoms,
tentacles if you will,
extending out, spilling
out across this town
from the Maitland monster.
So tomorrow, we're gonna
concentrate our efforts
on the Maitland house.
And if I can just
convince Murph Evans
to exercise that monster,
then I believe we can
solve this bullshit
once and for all.
NARRATOR: Chloe stumbles
upon the third floor attic
and discovers more pieces
to the Lemon house puzzle.
This must be the
Lemon family archives.
See what we have here.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile,
on the floor below,
Caleb conducts a
night vision sweep
of Mrs. Lemon's bedroom.
(ETHEREAL WHISPERING)
From Flossie Lemon.
Wonder what she wrote?
Dear mother,
the pain in this house
is so unbearable.
I wish you could feel my suf...
Oh my god.
I think this is a suicide note.
That's probably why
Murph bought this place
a few months after she drowned
herself in the bathtub.
(BOOMING BANG)
Caleb?
Was that you?
That was not me.
(ROCK MUSIC)
Got the injunction today
to close up Lemon house.
NARRATOR: The bylaw
officer does not realize
he is locking our spiritual
detectives inside the house.
(EERIE MUSIC)
(CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING)
What the fuck was that?
(EERIE MUSIC)
NARRATOR: For the first
time in their careers,
the extreme ghost team
are on the verge of
capturing a verifiable
supernatural being.
(EERIE MUSIC)
(SCREAMING)
Hurry!
We've never found a ghost...
Not jerking off, per say.
Not jerking off.
People just walk in on you
and don't really think
that this might be
your private space.
Oh shit.
(MUMBLES)
did you get that?
Holy shit.
There was a fucking
naked ghost in there.
No I didn't think about that,
that vagrant at Lemons.
I guess he was living under
the veranda or something.
Hurry up, hurry up.
Open the door, Caleb!
Its locked from the outside.
(SCREAMING)
NARRATOR: It is now day two
of the Murph Evans intervention.
Our team descends
bright and early
on the newly discovered
Maitland house.
The Duke and his
posse are the first
to break the seal on
the most extreme haunt
in Murph's inventory.
Stop!
Here we are, day two.
New house, new job.
New outlook.
Well, it was built in 1874
and its had additions
right through
till the 1920s.
Murph, what's popping?
I'm the Duke.
This heres the Falcon.
I told them I didn't
need no damn bin.
Oh they're terrible.
They're sloppy and careless.
Come on Ivey, let's go.
No the other way.
Drop everything and
track dirt into everything
and they should be doing,
working in barns.
NARRATOR: The contractors suit up
to inspect the
Maitland property.
They have just one hour
to complete their survey
and submit their estimates.
I think Murph
Evans is a great guy.
Hopefully we'll be
able to clear his house
and also clear his mind.
Really excited to
help you out here.
So we can't wait to
see the inside, sir.
(GAGGING)
When we first stormed
into the Maitland's house,
I was not ready for that.
It looked like a
tornado and a hurricane
got in a fight fist.
We got a lot of problems here.
We got mold, mildew.
(LAUGHING)
What are you laughing
at, chuckles?
You'll be the one scrubbing it.
Okay, boys.
We got a lot of
support problems here.
These studs are too far apart.
This support walls missing here.
The ceiling joints
look compromised.
They're just in there
rumbling and tumbling everything
and making a damn big mess.
Looks like the
kitchen in here.
An exposed wires.
These pipes need
to be insulated.
Ceiling looks like
its sagging a bit.
Stuff was just
piled and piled like
erratically all over the place.
It was rough.
You can smell the raw sewage.
Probably long backed up
and shut down by the town.,
Its okay Murph,
nothing we can't handle.
He's a stage five hoarder.
You got to remember
that when I got this place
it was 12 apartments and
there was a great deal
of damage.
So I just got down with
the inspection of the inside.
And to put it mildly,
we're dickered.
Not enough time, not
near enough money,
not good enough employees.
Its a tear down
from the ground up.
NARRATOR: After a rough night,
the paranormal team is
lucky to have survived.
Oh god.
Oh god.
(PANTING)
Last night, uh.
Well Caleb cried.
Things happened and
unexpected events unfold
and you just got to
roll with the punches.
Its part of the uh,
its part of the game.
Okay so day one was
a complete write off
but we started day
two with a bang.
Alright, everyone, listen up.
We have a second
chance here on day two.
So if we can clean
the Maitland house,
and I mean scrub it clean,
reform Murph and
give him the tools
to succeed with his
other properties,
then we'll have done our job
but I need a status
update from everyone.
I need to stay on track today.
I need to know what
you're all going.
So ghosties, hit
me with the facts.
Caleb's gonna do a
prelim pan of the house
and a general
sweep and make sure
there's no dirty little
secrets hiding in there.
Okay, good.
Derek, what are your
thoughts on the interior?
That house is evil.
Creepy, it reeks, its fucked.
We're gonna need a
lot of disinfectant.
Yeah well with
Murph's approval,
we can start clearing a path
and start removing stuff.
Wait, wait slow down.
Dr. Ebe, what are your thoughts?
Well I've asked him to
throw a couple things out
and he just does it.
I'm hoping for a
little more resistance
so I can put on some
of the Ebe drama there.
But he's not, he's
not resisting.
So I'm just gonna
have to fake it
and you know exorcize his demons
and get rid of that
fear and anxiety.
Alright, Murph, are you
ready to christen the bin?
NARRATOR: The moment
of truth has arrived
for Murph Evans.
If he can pass this test,
the floodgates of the
Maitland hoard will open.
Oh I guess so.
(TRIUMPHANT CLASSICAL MUSIC)
Okay, you can do this.
(CHEERING)
Alright, bring it in, everyone.
We have 48 hours to bring
this place up to code.
One, two, three
let's get to work.
(CHEER)
I rallied the troops up
and got them all excited,
got them working as a team.
I have full confidence
in Sheila Smyth.
I'm really excited
to work with her
and hopefully its the
first of many jobs.
Oh yeah, she's great.
Very cute, out of my league.
That's fine that she
knows what she's doing
but try to at least let
us know what's going on
would be nice.
(UPBEAT POP FUNK MUSIC)
Oh!
(UPBEAT POP FUNK MUSIC)
(SCREAMING)
(UPBEAT POP FUNK MUSIC)
(SHOUTS)
(TENSE ROCK)
Today, we get to shut
down the Neiland farmhouse,
once and for all.
There we go.
One less mess in Rockford.
Oh the bylaw officer.
What a chunk of shit he is.
These bureaucrats like
that just make you sick.
I hate bylaw officers
with a passion.
They're just self
serving idiots.
I'd like to just push
that bylaw officer
off the highest building.
So what was this
room used for, Murph?
Oh it had a bunch of
ugly old cupboards in it.
They used for a
kitchen but I got them
all tore out now.
Okay.
Oh.
What is this for, Murph?
NARRATOR: Sheila Smyth is alarmed
by the discovery of an
old box of explosives.
Okay, I think this may
be a little bit dangerous
so we're gonna have to
secure this somewhere safe.
Oh I'll take her
down to the cellar.
Is there any other surprises
or booby traps I
need to be aware of?
Oh hell, how would I know?
(SOMBER TENSE MUSIC)
I'll just put this
fucker right here.
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
Oh no, no, no.
That's part of the therapy.
I'm gently removing things
without him being aware of it
and just to see if he
will see the empty space
left behind and I do it
in the way that I am doing it
so that it doesn't go detected
but there's nothing
in that house
that one would steal.
I mean I'm a
doctor, not a thief.
Please, you're insulting me.
Boom.
(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC)
Whoo!
Jesus Christ.
You want a mask?
Mask, what are you
talking about, dummy?
Well rotted insulation,
asbestos, rat shit.
Listen to this,
Bosnian Bob Villa
motherfucker over here.
(LAUGHS)
Its your funeral.
There's like animal shit.
Oh wait, wait.
Oh.
Oh its a cat.
Oh no.
Holy shit.
(LAUGHING)
Clean these pussies up, boys.
Holy shit, this is nasty.
I've never seen that many
dead cats in one house.
(CAT MEOWS)
That's a dead cat.
Dead cat.
Dead cat.
Dead cat.
Dead cat.
Dead pussy.
Oh no, another one.
Dead cat.
Dead cat.
Dead cat.
Oh dead cat.
Come get your dead cats.
(COUGHING)
Dead cat.
Cats have a life
span, don't they,
like any other animal
and they just crawl
into a hole and die and
unless you're on top of it
well you just don't find them.
We have been experiencing
some real activity up here.
Chairs.
More chairs.
Fuck.
No chairs.
No stairs.
Equals a fucking death trap.
Murph, why do you have
so many chairs, man?
Oh well, the chairs,
a lot of them are here
is an attempt to get sets
and pairs and things.
And why is it so freezing
in this wing of the house?
Oh its always been cold.
It was added later.
Bill, the furnace
man, he's supposed
to be coming, he was supposed
to be here three weeks ago
and he hasn't got here yet.
Has anyone ever died in here?
Well how the
hell would I know?
No mind is at rest.
Nobody is at home in this world.
I mean you have to ask yourself
what the hell happened?
What is out there
and why is it trying
to hurt us?
(UPBEAT TENSE MUSIC)
Well, we're just about
done back there, now.
Perfect.
Alright, my turn to shine.
(TENSE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hi, I've got a theory
about our friend Murph.
It requires you to
peck at his attention.
Ebe, you know I have asthma.
Where's your vape?
My vape?
Oh I'm cutting
down on that shit.
Jesus Christ, it will kill ya.
Heres my theory.
I believe that Murph Evans
has compartmentalized
his personality.
Which means, now keep up
with me here, its technical.
Part of his personality
is not being shared
with the other part
of his personality.
Its complicated but its textbook
and that shouldn't be a problem
except, its manifesting
itself in this unified
meticulous, sort of
charming personality.
Does this make any sense to you?
Hey Ebe?
You know what this is...
Ebe, you want to
help me clean up here?
You want to make
yourself useful?
Did you take another Ambien?
Oh for fuck sucks.
Fuck!
Had enough of your shit.
Why the fuck you always
got to be fucking
yelling about stuff?
I'm hard on
these dumb bitches.
What do you fucking expect?
This is war.
You can do it yourself.
Fuck!
Damn it.
There is some real
crazy electromagnetic
activity occurring
throughout the entire house.
Unless this isn't working right.
Oh no, its working.
Trust me.
What is your gut saying?
Dude, I've never felt
more sick in my life.
Maybe you're with child.
Caleb, let's get serious.
I am feeling a really
unresolved presence.
Okay Chloe, so what are we
talking about here then?
We got a ghost, a
spirit, a demon,
12 year old girl living
in the floorboards
long flowing hair?
I don't know, Caleb.
Murph's dogs, zombies.
I don't know.
Get the spectrometer and
lets figure this shit out.
(EERIE MUSIC)
and do it quietly.
Simmer down.
I'm not your
fucking dog, aright?
Yeah, well your breath
smells like shit.
I usually can keep
my shit together
but (SIGHS) that time
I kind of lost it.
I'm not fucking doing it.
Chuck, you do it.
No freaking way.
How bout I call your
fucking parole officer
and tell him that
I caught you trying
to suck Dr. Ebe off
cause you're the biggest
pervert on the planet?
Stand up to him, Chuck.
He's a pussy.
I think you're just afraid.
Oh I'm afraid,
am I, golden girls.
Okay, daddy will do it.
No, daddy will do it.
Okay dad.
Daddy will do it.
What are you gonna do, huh?
What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?
You're a delinquent
fucking father,
get the fuck out of here.
Ta da.
Nothing in it, pussy holes.
No dead cats?
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
Fuck this!
What the fuck was that?
This house has
a lot of surprises
and one was when Jago
got slimed in face.
Fucking hot!
Jesus Christ.
Told that fucker to wear a mask.
Jago is insane right now.
He's dangerous, he's
becoming a liability
and he is completely unstable.
I can't deal with this anymore
and frankly, I
fucking hate this guy.
I don't know, its,
its like every room,
everything in here,
is emitting
electromagnetic positives
which is freaking impossible.
What if it is possible, Caleb?
What everything in this
place is actually possessed?
NARRATOR: Shame based
therapy is a tough game.
Dr. Ebe finds a hole in the
way for his daily power nap.
(SHOUTING)
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
Are you getting this?
Seriously, be careful.
Where, what's that?
Was anyone here before?
It came from that way.
(SHOUTING)
be careful, Caleb.
Get out!
Get out.
Get out.
Hearing the walls
screaming at you,
get out, get out.
That was a bone
chilling experience.
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC)
Fucking house!
Fucking fridge.
Fucking Ivey.
(SHOUTS)
Fuck.
NARRATOR: Jago's aggravated
assault on Ivey
reveals a hidden
staircase to the cellar.
(COUGHING)
Fucks that smell?
Hey look, jack off.
What's for dinner?
Get it, cause you ate shit.
You two, move these
fucking cabinets.
You, andale, andale.
Hey, bumble fuck, get the dry
wall out of your fucking ears
and move these cabinets.
(EERIE MUSIC)
NARRATOR: Midway through
day two, a ghastly
Maitland secret is unearthed.
(SCREAMING)
Jesus Christ!
Hey doc, Jago
needs to talk to you.
What is it?
We found something.
I got you now, Murph Evans.
Sheila is gonna shit.
Alright guys, listen.
We don't jump to any
conclusion with this.
We don't make any bad decisions.
We got to keep our heads.
He's probably the furnace guy.
Maybe he had a heart attack.
Zip it, Mexican Matlock.
This is fucking serious.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No racism around Ebe.
I think Murph Evans
killed this man
and that means we all
got to be very careful
around this guy in
the future, okay?
From here on in,
he is dangerous.
What do we do now, doc?
This man deserves
a proper burial.
Okay, you guys go upstairs
and divert that idiot
and I'm gonna uh, I'm gonna
have to come up with a plan.
Well at least put
a blanket on him.
Can we just do another
take, that will be alright,
cause I just, I felt,
need to be a bit bigger
and we can nix the
Mexican Matlock, maybe?
Okay, will that be alright?
Look uh, just real quick.
Real quick.
Thank you, awesome.
You guys are great.
(EERIE MUSIC)
Oh my god.
The question is, has Murph
Evans every killed anyone
in this house.
Possibly.
Is he capable
of killing someone?
Absolutely
and I think he would
go for the weak link
in the pecking order, I think
that would be Charles Ivey.
Poor bastard.
Ebe is safe.
I think.
Sheila, come here.
What is it, Ebe?
We're running behind.
What if I was to
tell you we're about
to make reality TV show history?
Don't pitch me, we don't
have time for this shit.
Okay, you know what?
Murph Evans is a serial killer.
Oh for fucks sake, Ebe.
He's not a serial killer.
I don't even think
the guys a hoarder...
I found a body!
Yeah.
Fuck.
(EERIE MUSIC)
Holy shit, who is he?
That, my friends,
is the furnace man.
Judging by my calculations.
He's been dead for a long time.
We'll I'd like
permission to assemble
an arrest team right away.
There's no fucking
arrest teams, Ebe,
you're losing it.
Ivey's reliable,
he's on probation.
What are we
talking about here?
Well I'll tell you
what we're talking about.
Last night I
witnessed Murph Evans
come into this house with
baby food and diapers.
Motherfucker.
Yeah, so that means
that there's not only
probably a bunch of
bodies laying around here.
I think there's a
very good probability
that Murph Evans is
raising a small child
in this fucking mess.
I think I need
to call the cops.
No, we're not gonna do that.
That's the last
thing we're gonna do.
We're gonna do this
in house, folks.
We're gonna bring
this bad boy home,
reality justice style.
Extreme arrest team.
For fucks sake.
I'm calling the police.
No, no, no.
Let's use our heads.
If we call the cops,
this show is done.
That's the right thing to do.
There's a dead man.
No cops, no cops, no cops.
Okay?
Zero cops.
Oh god.
We're gonna need
so many lawyers.
That is not my problem.
I got to find Murph Evans.
I've got to sit down, we got
to get an on camera confession.
I'm a human being first
and I guess a scientist second.
When I stand in a
place like this,
this Maitland house, I,
well I feel like I'm
witnessing literally
the pain of another man.
I'm inside of him.
I connect with that.
Okay listen, Jago, you go
grab your hobo junkies,
come down here, throw
this stiff outside
and then move around and see
if you can find some more
of these god damn bodies.
No extreme arrest team?
What about a
fucking legal team?
Okay look.
At the end of the
day, we arrest him.
In the meantime, let's get
our before after pictures
with the clean ups
and everything,
let's put it in the can
and the job is done, okay?
Go team.
Ready?
(SOFT SOMBER MUSIC)
come on.
Oh this is fucked up, Chuck.
(GRUNTING)
I'm not even
getting paid for this.
Here we go.
Okay, you got him?
Hold on a sec, I
got to turn around.
(GRUNTING)
Come on.
Oh shit, I'm caught
on something here.
(COUGHING)
Ivey come on, I'm gonna puke.
Let's go.
(GROANS)
Ivey, stop resting,
let's move this stiff.
I'm snagged.
Jesus Christ, Ivey.
Come on, we're almost there.
Let's go.
Fish on.
(GROANS)
What's wrong with your ear?
I got hell raisered.
What?
NARRATOR: The municipal
bylaw office has processed
the eviction order for
Murph's final property.
Hurry up with
that carcass, boys
it smells like big
Willy shit himself.
Where the hell
do you want him?
Well put him in the
back of the bin for now.
The bin?
Are you fucking nuts?
I think I need a tetanus shot.
(POUNDING AT DOOR)
Office of bylaw open up.
Listen, don't
say a fucking word.
Take this guy around back
while I go distract
this fucking guinea pig.
They're probably jerking
each other off in there.
(TENSE MUSIC)
Oh, officer chubby chaser.
I thought I smelled
barbecued pig pussy.
Where's that
fruitcake Murph Evans?
He's upstairs
having a bubble bath.
Murph Evans hasn't bathed
a day in his fucking life.
Cut the shit.
Murph had a bit of a late
one over at the scrub and dub
and then needs to
wash his mushy bits.
Alright look it, I'm here to
shut down this fucking show,
alright?
You and you, this fucking idiot,
you're gonna move
these vehicles.
We're evicting Murph, we're
condemning the property.
Its done.
You guys weren't supposed
to be here till Monday.
Step aside, sir.
I don't know if you've heard,
but I don't mind dancing
in the daytime at all.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I like to dosie do at night,
you and me, nine
o'clock, town square.
You want to fight?
Yeah.
How bout I shove
your head up your ass
and you can fight for air?
(GASPING)
I got a gift for you.
Oh.
I thought I smelled dick.
Yeah?
Well look, I gave
you guys two days
and now times up.
You see that bin over there?
Yeah?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
All we've been
doing here is trying
to save this god forsaken town
and help Murph Evans by
cleaning up rat shit,
ghost poop, and donkey dung.
And this is the kind of
treatment you're gonna give us?
Huh?
Alright, I'll tell
you what I'm gonna do.
You got one more day and
then I come and shutter
this dump, alright?
Yeah, wise decision.
(LAUGHS)
(BLOWS KISS)
Yummy.
Too da loo, fuck head.
So far, we've got
two dozen dead cats,
we got a deceased furnace man,
the funky furniture
is jamming up my gear.
What the fuck is going on here?
From the outside, it
just looks like a bad
mold infestation.
What the hell
are you doing here?
(CLATTERING)
(EERIE TENSE MUSIC)
(SCREAMS)
It's just Murph
carrying some chairs.
What in the hell is
all this shit doing here?
These are our headquarters
and we need all of this stuff.
These are our supplies.
This is our work, okay?
You even managed to find
Uncle Jurgis' old wheelchair.
Now we need to ask
you a few questions.
NARRATOR: Without notifying the team,
Dr. Ebe has inexplicably
fled the Maitland house.
Our cameras tracked
him to an antique shop
where he appears to be unloading
some of Murph's
collectibles for cash.
Tell us about
your home, Murph.
Well Uncle Jurgis'
and I got it back in 68.
He was mum's older brother
and he used to call out
at the Rockford auction
and he was really
one of the best.
He was a collector
and he knew his stuff
and he taught me pretty well
everything I know.
What happened to your uncle?
Well he got very sick
and lost interest in everything
and pretty soon
he couldn't move,
ended up in a wheelchair.
Everything started to pile up
and then it got all left on me.
I can feel your uncle's
presence here, still,
and I would really like
to talk to him tonight.
Well I think that would
be a bit of a problem.
Chloe, can speak to the dead.
(EERIE MUSIC)
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
(COUGHING)
(SOBBING)
NARRATOR: The fractured
team retreats inward,
each to confront
their personal demons.
Fuck this.
NARRATOR: So begins the darkest chapter
in reality television.
(SOBBING)
Hey.
Hey.
Hey what's going
on, what's wrong?
I just, I didn't
think the show
was gonna pan out this way.
I wanted it to do some good.
Its not done yet.
I'm sure there's still some good
we can make from this.
Yeah but what's
the point if Murph's
gonna go to jail?
He might as well just
forfeit the house
to the town.
He's not gonna go to jail.
But what is it that
you want to do?
I just want to do a room.
Just one room?
Just one room, just
one before and after
because that's all we told
everyone we're gonna do.
So let's go find
you a room to redo.
So here we are
in our home base
and it has come to our attention
that there is a massive
and I'm talking massive.
Big.
Energy source
directly below where
we're standing right now.
NARRATOR: Dr. Ebe has
become unrecognizable.
His mind is now riddled
with the very disorders
he has failed to cure.
Hey, Murph, how you doing?
Have a seat please, buddy.
Murph, hi, how are?
You like that settee?
Oh the settee,
I love the settee.
I love the settee.
NARRATOR: On the other hand,
as the shows falls
into the abyss,
Charles Ivey finds his purpose
in decluttering
the second floor.
Fantastic city settee, eh?
Well that's John Hall
Empire at its best.
John Hall Empire?
And what about that, is
that a John Hall Empire?
No, that's Eastlake, Eastlake.
Eastlake?
Yeah.
Its lovely.
Murph, I want to start to
ask you a few questions,
okay, if I can?
Just a couple questions
about the place,
about the place.
The really strange thing,
I woke up this morning
and, and I uh,
I figured out how many,
how many things
were in the house.
It came to me.
It was a number, 12,800
there was a certain number
of things in the house.
A certain number of things
and the number is 12,000.
Say it to me, say it to me.
Say it to me.
12,000.
12,587.
We both know this.
Oh.
Its about me and you.
Really at the end of the day,
its about me and you.
Its about being...
Are you alright?
It's about.
Hey.
You guys, I found
another door here.
By the looks of it.
I think that's Murph's secret.
Sheila!
You're gonna want to see this.
Where's the diapers, Murph?
Where's the diapers?
Where's the fucking diapers?
NARRATOR: Of all the secrets
that Murph has hoarded,
nothing can prepare the team
for what comes next.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm so scared.
What are they gonna find?
I got to stop them.
I got to stop em!
(EERIE TENSE MUSIC)
Oh god.
(GAGGING)
(COUGHING)
What the hells in there?
I don't know.
Looks like its moving.
(EERIE MUSIC)
Caleb, are you getting this?
Ebe.
Ebe, what are you doing?
Get a grip.
Oh my god, the smell.
Holy shit!
Oh I see you
found Uncle Jurgis.
Murph, you got to tell
us about stuff like this.
Is he alive?
I mean borderline.
How old is he?
He's 103.
I'm Dr. Ebe and
these are my friends
are we're here to help
your nephew, Murph Evans.
(GUTTURAL OTHERWORLDLY SPEECH)
That's Latin and its backwards.
Jesus Christ.
No it isn't.
Its Lithuanian.
Came over on the
boat in the 20s.
Same thing, dead languages.
(GUTTURAL OTHERWORLDLY SPEECH)
What's he saying Murph?
Oh he's calling you a thief.
Don't translate.
Don't, just don't like
that, don't translate.
I don't trust it.
Ghost humpers.
You know you're way around
a demonic possession?
Well we can most
certainly try.
Alright, you're
my support crew.
I'm going in.
I'm gonna make contact
with the entity.
Is Uncle Jurgis
in there with you?
(DEMONIC SPEECH)
(REPEATING DEMONIC SPEECH)
(SCREAMING)
Jesus Christ, holy shit.
He said, we're
all afraid to die.
What does that even mean?
I don't know.
It sounds legit.
Murph.
Murph?
Where the hell did Murph go?
He's gone.
Let's get the
fuck out of here.
Let's clear out.
For fucks sake.
Jesus.
I just can't believe
what we found in there.
This, it just seems
like a nightmare.
Just one thing after another.
Our team doesn't
even know what kind
of phenomena we're
dealing with here.
There's another
hoarder, there's two.
Stop finding fucking rooms.
What the fuck was that?
(LAUGHS)
I don't know but
on the bright side,
no dead cats.
No I'm talking about
the dead disgusting
fucking uncle.
I'm worried about Ebe.
He is acting so erratically.
He's starting to just unravel
and I'm worried about this
whole place is getting to him.
Uncle Jurgis is
the primary holder.
Its a (SPEAKS FRENCH)
its a madness of two
and that's why this
thing to so goddamn huge.
We can't get any
readings in the room
but as soon as you step outside.
Readings are off the hook.
Why?
I thought it was cool meeting,
you know, Murph's Uncle.
It was pretty sweet.
Holy fuck.
Ebe?
Ebe?
What the fuck are
we supposed to do?
Well Murph Evans
is not a hoarder.
Well then what is he?
Complicated.
You care to enlighten us?
Think of it as a
force multiplier.
Madness squared.
One is dominant,
the other submissive
and together, they
are increasing
the evil exponentially
and I also believe that
just in being in this house,
around this mess,
we are all part of the equation.
Murph Evans is not Murph Evans.
He has become something else.
We have never met Murph Evans.
So you're saying Uncle
Jurgis has created this Murph?
I believe that
Murph Evans thinks
that the trash of
this house, the mess,
the things that are
collected within its walls,
are keeping the uncle alive
and I think the uncle
believes that too
and you know, I'm
starting to myself.
So where are we
supposed to go from here?
I don't know.
I'm not a medical doctor.
I'm a failed nurse practitioner.
I know, I'm sorry.
Look, I think we're all
going to jail after this.
Chloe, Caleb, what
do you guys think?
We definitely know
that there is an evil entity
in this space, for sure.
Yep, of course you guys do.
I'm sorry, that was rude.
I didn't mean it.
I mean I've just been
given a lot of shit
right now and I think
its time to shut it down.
Why don't we regroup
tomorrow and we'll sort out
what to do.
Ghosties, I need you
guys to stay the night.
What do you want us to do?
I want you to just
monitor the floor.
For what?
For ghosts or demons,
I mean do your job.
If anyone experiences
a mental disturbance
no matter how small,
no matter how subtle,
report immediately to me
and you're gonna have
to leave the show.
I'm very sorry, I'm afraid
that's just gonna have to stand.
When was the last
time you saw the Duke?
(COUGHING)
Oh man.
(GAGGING)
Should I call Dr. Ebe?
No Ivey, Dr. Ebe is a fraud.
Shut the fuck up, Falcon.
Fucking nuts.
Ivey.
(COUGHING)
Ivey.
I don't think I'm gonna be able
to make it to the
end of the job.
Okay, let's go to
the hospital then.
(COUGHING)
(WHISPERING)
The fucking cupboard.
(SOMBER MUSIC)
Those are yours.
Those are for you, Duke.
Duke?
You're fucking kidding me?
Duke fucking Ivey.
The hold that Uncle
Jurgis has over Murph Evans
is all powerful
and is it too late?
Well yes of course it is.
Its always too late
when you're in the care of Ebe.
There have been so
many curve balls today.
I mean it seems almost trite
to point out how
far behind we are.
I mean there really
isn't a show anymore
Its hard to know
where the nephew begins
and where the uncle ends.
Patient, doctor.
I don't know what
the fuck to do anymore.
Let's go take a
peek at Uncle Jurgis.
We have to check his vitals.
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
(TENSE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
God.
What is it Chloe?
Uncle Jurgis is dead.
Or undead.
I don't know, there's no pulse.
He's cold as a stone.
That's a first for us.
I know.
What are you doing?
I'm going to take a picture.
Why?
For the Instagram.
We're losing followers.
Now make a pretty face.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(ROARING)
(SCREAMING)
Damn it, Caleb.
I feel like shit,
to be honest with you.
I feel like I've
let everybody down.
Like I'm still processing
that we found a dead body.
This whole thing
was a mistake.
The job, the house.
My life.
I know I was supposed
to be leading this show
but I'm stuck.
I don't know where to go.
I think its all over,
for all of us.
Personally, I feel
like we're kicking ass.
I don't know
what we're gonna do
and I'm not looking
forward to this day
or this conversation.
NARRATOR: Showrunner Sheila Smyth
has assembled the team on
the morning of day three
to make an important
announcement.
Okay, guys.
Its day three, look alive.
This production
meeting is to determine
the way out of this mess.
So I believe we already
have an unbelievable
amount of shit in the can
but here's the problem.
This production
team has gone feral.
You teams have done
some fucked up shit
and I don't even
know where we stand.
I need direct talk.
I need to know what's
going on with everyone,
no matter how fucked up it is.
Ivey?
Yes, ma'am?
What happened to Jago?
I think, I think
he may be a zombie.
What do you mean?
Does he need medical help?
Alright, here it is.
The uncle is exerting some
kind of a mental control
over Murph Evans and
they've taken that practice
of hoarding and they've kicked
it up a notch to killing.
Serial murder.
I believe that the
uncle's nervous system
is sympathetic to the
contents of this house.
Okay I have no fucking
clue what you just said.
Chloe, you look scared,
what's going on?
Uncle Jurgis is dead.
What?
Well, undead.
We confirmed that last night.
So we have an undead uncle
and possibly an undead Jago.
Do I have that right?
I think this show
is completely fucked
and I think its really
time to call the police.
We have no fucking choice.
I have no choice.
None of this is gonna go to air.
We're probably all
gonna go to jail.
Okay, so if we come forward now,
maybe they'll be
able to help us.
I'm sorry guys, I failed you.
No, I'm sorry.
When we set out on this project,
when Sheila Smyth
gave us the call,
she knew it was
gonna be a tough one
but she called you, and you,
not you, we picked you up,
but why?
Because each and everyone of you
is the very best.
But its not about us.
Its about that sweet, crazy man,
and his bad habit of what?
He keeps old shit.
Lots of it.
Is that a bad habit?
No, its a fucking statement.
In this fucked up
world that's choking us
with disposable consumerism.
Maybe one man and his collection
of Queen Ann chairs
is saving us from ourselves.
Where we are.
Right now.
At this crossroads,
and where we'll be
is up to us.
Don't you people see
what we have here?
Yeah I was stung
by a dozen bees,
Jago ate shit.
We found a dead body.
Chloe and Caleb, you
found an undead uncle.
Isn't that amazing?
And Ebe, oh sweet Ebe,
this whole Murph Evans
is a serial killer shit
that fell into your lap
is the best thing that
could ever happen to you.
(LAUGHING)
I only have one
question for you.
Let's hear it.
Do you want to make history?
Huh?
I can't fucking hear you!
You know you want to make
extreme fucking history.
Yes we do!
Yeah we do!
So let's fucking do it.
(SHOUTING)
(CHEERING)
Oh my god, oh my god.
(CHEERS)
Okay you heard the man.
Battle stations, let's
get to work, people.
Let's do this.
NARRATOR: In spite of
all rational arguments
to the contrary, the
crew has resolved
to move forward.
God damn it this
is a glory day!
I feel so pumped up.
Do you hear that Falcon?
Jesus he pulled
it out of his ass.
Sheila was a bit of a downer
then the Falcon stepped up.
I'm a brand new Ebe.
I am a brand new
fucking Ebe right now.
Who knew that tiny
little garbage man
had so much energy in him
to excite a group of people.
What a difference
a morning makes.
The Falcon woke up
this morning very upset
but now he's pumped and
ready to get the job done.
I cracked open
a new toothpick.
The day is young.
And we're back on track
with what we came here to do.
Which is change
Murph Evan's life.
I'm going upstairs right now.
I'm gonna cure Uncle Jurgis.
I have no fucking idea
how I'm gonna do that
but goddamn it, with the
Falcon and Smyth,
we can do it.
(UPLIFTING MUSIC)
Hey.
Hey.
I wanted to thank you.
For what?
I think I freaked
everyone out there.
No, no, you were amazing.
Really?
Yeah.
What you have to do
now is go find Murph.
Where, I don't even know
where to look for him.
Thrift store,
his other places.
He's a creature of habit.
It can't be that hard.
Okay.
Alright?
When you do that, you get back,
I'll make sure this
entire house is clean
and spic and span,
top to bottom.
Really?
Promise.
You're amazing.
You are.
Hurry up.
(TENSE STRING MUSIC)
I hear around the set
that you've been
abusing cocaine.
There you go.
You got a bump for Ebe,
a little Billy goat?
A little toot?
(ROCK MUSIC)
NARRATOR: The bylaw officer's curiosity
is persistent and potentially
fraught with danger.
I've been waiting a long
time to lock this place up.
(ROCK MUSIC)
what you doing in there, Murph?
Probably jerking off with
that skeevy doctor?
Wake up, Murph.
Jesus Murphy.
You guys knew about this?
(SCREAMS)
We got a major
temperature drop.
15 degrees down.
Oh my god.
Dude its moving,
its moving on its own.
We got some major
indexicles happening over here
with this item.
Everything in
this place is alive
and its touching
this entire house.
Are you getting this?
Hello, Jurgis.
You got a minute, huh?
Murph wouldn't hurt
a fly, would he?
This is all you.
Well I got some news for ya.
I got a team down
there right now.
You know what they're doing?
They're taking stuff and
they're putting it outside.
They're putting it
into a god damn bin.
And its gonna get
dragged to a land fill.
One thing at a time.
Oh look at this.
Gone.
That thing over there, gone.
They're gonna clean it all up,
shine it all up.
Make it fucking purty.
But what's gonna
happen to Uncle Jurgis?
Huh?
What's gonna happen
to you, buddy?
Oh I think you might
just slip away.
Buh bye!
(LAUGHS)
Duke, help, Duke!
I'm trapped.
Oh.
(EERIE TENSE MUSIC)
Help!
(SCREAMING)
Can't take this shit
with ya, you know?
(DEMONIC WHISPERING)
But I can.
(LAUGHS)
(DEMONIC SHOUTING)
stop it.
What are you doing?
Stop it!
(SHOUTING)
(DEMONIC CHANTING)
What are you doing?
Sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
(DEMONIC CHANTING)
Oh fuck.
Just put it in.
All I need to do is fuck
up my back after today.
Fucking job from hell.
Bodies, fucking bird shit.
Holy fuck!
Jago, what the fuck
did you do now?
Jago!
Jago!
I'm fucking sick of this.
Out of my face.
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
NARRATOR: The bizarre
lightness of Sheila's demeanor
illustrates a psychotic
break at the core
of this production.
Murph, please come back.
I'm done with this.
You've done nothing wrong.
You're the only normal person
in this whole fucking show.
I just don't get the point.
I know, we really
really messed up
but we're trying to fix things.
We need you back there.
Come and see what we did
with the Maitland house
and please come back.
Jago, are you down here?
Holy shit.
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
I found another dead body.
Somebody killed the bylaw guy.
Jago, are you down here?
(TENSE MUSIC)
Duke?
Jesus motherfucking Christ.
Duke!
Oh shit, Christ.
What the fuck?
The junk can move on its own.
Controlled by the uncle?
Or does it control him?
Dude, Ebe was totally right.
The uncle and the house have
a symbiotic relationship.
Chloe, I think
that this is real.
Like really real.
Like realer than anything
we've dealt with.
Oh, for sure.
Its 100% real but
the real question is
how much of this stuff was
bought from dead people?
Well all of it.
Yeah, all of it was
owned by dead people.
Its from estates,
its from auctions.
From Salvation Army sales.
Every piece of furniture,
every piece of clothing,
every item in this
house is a monkey's paw.
Cursed possessions.
Second hand hauntings.
Jesus, Caleb.
What?
There are thousand
and thousand of entities
in this place.
Thousands?
That's too many.
What do we do?
They all reside
in Uncle Jurgis.
What about Murph?
No.
He's too pure.
He's too simple to
be controlled by
but the uncle,
that's another story.
Right, right.
Yeah that's what I was thinking.
So what are we doing then?
What should we do?
I've never experienced
this before.
Have you?
Listen.
You need to go downstairs
and you need to
kill Uncle Jurgis.
And.
(EERIE TENSE MUSIC)
Here.
Use this.
That'll do.
(EERIE MUSIC)
Go.
Just kill him.
Yeah, you can do this.
You can do this.
I didn't sign up for this.
This is not a paranormal
investigation.
I'm sorry.
I really do not want to do this,
you demonized
gruesome uncle but.
I really don't.
(GUTTURAL SHOUTING)
No, uh uh.
(ROARS)
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
(ROARS)
Caleb?
Ebe?
What are you doing here?
Well.
We should never have come here.
Its okay, its okay man.
I stole things and I
reduced the number of things.
Its this house, okay?
Its got a hold of you.
Okay its got a hold of...
(GRUNTS)
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
NARRATOR: Unknown to the showrunner
and her star, what was
once a struggle for purpose
is now a struggle
for life and death.
You ready?
Wow, this place looks amazing.
Yeah, its starting
to look bigger already.
Ebe?
Falcon?
Where the hells
everybody anyway?
They must be upstairs
waiting for us.
Let's go.
Okay.
(SCREAMS)
Get the fuck out of the way.
(DEMONIC SHOUTING)
What the fuck is he doing?
He hasn't been out
of bed for 30 years.
Somebody sure pissed him off.
(SCREAMING)
What do we do?
You crazy old bugger.
Back off.
(ROARING)
(SCREAMING)
(ROARS)
Holy shit.
Shit.
(SHOUTING)
(ROARING)
Ebe, thank god we found you.
(SCREAMING)
Get out of the way!
(SHOUTING)
(TENSE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SHOUTING)
(GROANS)
Murph!
Murph!
Murph.
You failed us, Murph.
You had one fucking
job and you failed it.
For fucks sakes, you failed.
How does it make you feel?
Feeling?
Want to see what I
got at the auction?
(GUNSHOT)
well how'd you like that?
(GUTTURAL ROARING)
(SCREAMING)
Hey, duchess.
Measure twice, cut once.
(SHOUTING)
Die you fuck.
And I'm Maltese, bitch.
That's why they
call me the falcon.
That's a cut.
Lets get the fuck out of here.
(ROAR)
Ivey?
Oh, Charles.
Oh fuck, let's
get out of here.
Go, go, go.
(GOOFY DRAMATIC MUSIC)
What are you still doing here?
Let's go.
Get the hell out of here.
What the fuck everybody,
what's wrong with you?
Go, go, keep it going.
Oh my god, there's no way out.
Fuck!
Fuck, how do we get out.
Shit.
Fucking help us!
Help, help.
There's no way out of here.
(GROANS)
Falcon, no.
Falcon.
(SOBBING)
(DEMONIC LAUGHTER)
(ROARING)
Fuck you.
(GUNSHOTS)
(ROARING)
Are you okay?
No, I'm not okay.
Is the show over?
Yeah, the show is over.
(ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
What are you doing?
I knew this would
come in handy.
(TENSE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hurry, quick.
There, you finish
the job, okay.
(DEMONIC LANGUAGE)
(EXPLOSIONS)
(COUGHING)
Are you okay?
Its over, its okay.
(SOMBER PIANO MUSIC)
(SOBBING)
(SOMBER PIANO MUSIC)
NARRATOR: Following the
explosion and destruction
of the Maitland house,
Murph consolidated his
remaining properties
and opened an antique
store on main street.
We're back in
Rockford after 10 months
and I'm here with Murph Evans
who has completely
transformed his life.
He's sold some of his properties
and he was able to reinvest
in this beautiful antique store.
Something that him and
I designed together,
which was a very long process,
but so rewarding.
Its fantastic what we've
been able to do together
and I'm really
really proud of him.
You've done such an amazing job.
How do you feel, Murph?
Well I'm feeling just great.
I feel like a new man.
You helped me achieve my dreams,
all this stuff now, it can't
be called junk any more.
Its called either
treasures or merchandise,
and its all a credit to Sheila.
Thank you, Murph.
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)