A CAB, A CARAVAN AND A DIAMOND
Don't worry. I've got new brakes.
That's the technical side of things.
I can overtake any American car.
I'm obsessed with technique.
I was a fine-tuner for Hispano Aviation.
But this engine is mine.
It can do 140.
If you ask politely, that is.
I built in a stabiliser
for the bends.
You're amazed, aren't you?
But this is nothing.
You can't go full speed in Paris.
I've got no use for my turbo
compressor and special carburetor here.
Otherwise, you'd be
in for a surprise.
Idiot. Indicate
if you're going to stop.
Tomorrow, I'm going on holiday
with the family.
That's why I made
reclining chairs.
I sleep with my wife here.
Excuse me.
An excellent bed.
Feel it.
-How much?
-450.
How much?
You should have told me you were deaf.
I wouldn't have told you my life story.
Cab.
Sorry, girls.
I'll be back in business in September.
-Where are you going?
-To Spain. Adios, seoritas. Ol.
Are you leaving?
We should have left
an hour ago.
Next time, I'll go alone.
I'll give you a hand.
Don't get worked up.
Give me a hand, Maurice.
I can't close the big suitcase.
-Sit on it then.
-I'm not heavy enough.
-Can I help you, Mrs. Germaine?
-Please. You're heavy enough.
-Can I?
-I have my eye on you.
-Ridiculous.
-But careful as well.
-Can't you stick to the right?
-You have to stick to the left.
-I'm coming from the right. I go first.
-Of course. You're always right.
-Somebody on the phone for you.
-I'm coming.
Aunt Mathilde on the phone.
Uncle Lon asks when we're coming.
If he's in a hurry,
he can leave without us.
He says you can
leave without him.
Always friendly.
Why wouldn't I go somewhere
else for my holiday?
-Even with your mother.
-That's not friendly either.
Stop playing with that ball.
What's that?
I can't leave them alone for a month.
They won't survive.
-Where do I put them?
-We'll put them in the caravan.
What's he doing?
We'd leave at 7.
It's 9 now.
We'll never be in Lamotte-Beuvon
at 12.
I studied the time schedule
for a month.
-I'm really sorry for your sister.
-Don't get into a state.
Nicole. Keep that ball away
from the caravan.
You'll damage the paint.
What's happening, Lon?
You'll break everything.
-It landed on your foot.
-You think that's funny? Just wait...
You're always late.
And you told us to hurry?
This wouldn't have happened if
you had been on time. Help me.
-With what?
-Lifting this thing.
Why did you let go?
Very well done.
This will cost us an hour.
-Are you comfortable?
-Yes.
Belote and ten extra
for the last trick.
That's not going to help you.
-Quick, we're almost there. The tobacco.
-Which tobacco?
I have to think of everything.
We have to hide the tobacco.
-But of course...
-Hurry up.
I don't want to smoke sugar corn
and bulls' hair.
Fill the tobacco jar.
And put a little bag of tobacco
in each pair of socks.
We'll try to hide as much as we can.
What are you doing?
You look like Gina Lollobrigida.
Put it in your pockets.
They won't notice.
Pay attention now.
Keep your passports ready.
Get your suitcases. Leave it to me.
Ni... ni... nice car.
Newest model? Automatic?
Will you be going far in it?
Ah, you don't speak French.
You don't understand what I'm saying.
That's good. I'd never have had the guts
to tell you I like you.
With those eyes and that mouth...
French? Going to Granada?
Report inside with your suitcases.
You had me fooled.
Is Gra... Gra... Granada beautiful?
Yes, but now I have to
report to customs.
Let me.
Get your suitcases.
Hurry up a bit.
He's quite something.
Jacques, come here. Don't
you think you'd better help us?
-Excuse me.
-Come here.
-Was he bothering you?
-Not at all.
He's terrible.
He's always bothering people.
Especially when they're pretty.
Maurice, that's not our suitcase.
-Feel free to give us a hand.
-I'll be there.
-What's he saying?
-Open the suitcases.
All of them?
-Didn't you have the key of the suitcase?
-No, you did.
-Have you got it, Lon?
-You lose everything.
Please follow me, Miss.
-Why?
-To check your clothes.
He looks very strict, doesn't he?
-What's in here?
-In here?
Shoes, shirts, chocolate.
-And...
-It's alright.
Socks.
Isn't that a bit strange?
All those socks?
Give this to Jacques.
Our stash.
All in tubes:
Butter, milk, sugar,
shaving gel, soap, toothpaste...
...glue, shoe polish...
-Be careful when you're cooking.
-It could become a strange dish.
Shampoo.
Egg-cup. Or telescope.
Big, small.
Sleep.
For the nose. Cold.
And cut.
An egg to mend socks.
No, pepper.
And this is a razor blade.
With extra support.
No time to waste.
Let's get out of here.
You forgot something.
-Excuse us, please.
-I understand. No problem.
-Weren't they too hard on you?
-I won't let them push me around.
I've had to do a complete
striptease.
Careful, this one's heavy.
Such nice fabric. Bought
in Paris? Very nice.
-A bit warm in summer.
-You think?
-I'll get comfortable.
-Evenings are cold in Spain.
-Allow me, Miss.
-Very friendly of you.
What a mess. Do we look
like a bunch of smugglers?
I have to put my suitcase
in the caravan.
Can I walk with you?
I'll say hello to the ladies.
After you. It's over there.
-Is this your first time in Spain?
-And the first time across the border.
-Will you be going far?
-To Sevilla.
I'm really travelling to
educate my son.
Is that young man your son?
I thought you were his brother.
I really did.
Are you coming, kid?
My wife.
-We can leave, I think.
-My sister-in-law.
My brother-in-law.
My niece.
You can't be careful enough.
Goodbye, ladies. Goodbye, sir.
Have a good trip.
-Will we see you in Sevilla?
-Who knows.
Are you coming, kid?
-Now what?
-We're going to check your car.
-That's going too far.
-Orders are orders.
-You can go.
-Can I, finally?
-We need to put water in the radiator.
-We ran out.
-Because it's 50 degrees in the shadow.
-My patience is really running out now.
-There's a river 2 km ahead.
-I can read a map.
Take the first on the left and then
keep going down, to the bridge.
-So where's that river?
-Down there. Look, there's a bridge.
-A bridge, but no water.
-The river's dry.
I'd rather have a river without a bridge
than a bridge without a river. Now what?
-We'll just go there.
-In the grass.
Push, everybody.
When I say so.
What a great spot, guys.
A shame we're out of water.
We can drink wine.
To Spain and all the Spaniards.
And to us. After today, we'll
have drunk for four days.
Because we had no more water.
Don't be so stingy.
We'll fill up before we reach Sevilla.
Se... Sevilla?
Do... do you still want to
go to Sevilla?
I read that Gra...
Granada is much more beautiful.
With the Alhambra on the ro... rocks.
And the o... orange trees, the o...
olive trees and the le... lemon trees.
I'm not against it.
-Why not?
-It's supposed to be beautiful.
According to the map,
it's a prettier road too.
Yes, Gra... Granada's like paradise.
The clear water makes the
fruit and the flowers grow.
And the tobacco plantations
create this beautiful glow in the air.
Alright. If you had put this much effort
in your lessons, you'd have passed.
I only fai... failed
the o... oral exam.
Three times.
Why does he have to keep doing those
exams if he's not good at them?
He has a little speech impediment.
So what?
De... Demosthenes was a great orator
in spite of his sp... speech impediment.
I won't say another word.
-Good night.
-Sleep well.
'the laughing cow'
Germaine, I think
it's the milkman.
Mathilde, careful. A bull.
Help. Daddy, help. A bull.
Help, daddy.
I'm coming.
-Help me, Lon.
-Me?
-Are you a man?
-Yes, and I want to stay one.
-I don't like cowards.
-I don't like cows.
-I used to be fed goat's milk.
-Come on, Lon.
Wait, Maurice. I'm coming.
-Give me that.
-I'll get the other insect spray.
Cheers.
I can't watch.
That's fantastic.
He's fighting like a lion.
Come back, Maurice.
You should never have
taken such a risk.
-Where's the diamond?
-In the jacket.
-And the jacket?
-In a suitcase.
-And the suitcase?
-In a caravan.
-And the caravan?
-I'm still looking for it.
You weren't even able to follow them.
Very well done.
-I'll find them. I've got an idea.
-You'd better.
-I don't know what's wrong.
-The horn's stuck.
Very sharp, Sherlock.
Don't worry.
-You're my saviour.
-I'm really good technically.
-Are you coming?
-She can't leave without a horn.
-There's a short-circuit. I'll fix it.
-That's sweet.
-Can I ask you for a big favour?
-But of course.
-Can I get changed in your caravan?
-I can't arrive in Granada like this.
You're going to Granada.
I understand now. Really nice.
-What's so strange about it?
-Nothing. It's between him and me.
-Can I?
-Of course.
Let me. I'll show the way.
I don't trust it. I'm sure
she's up to something.
Do you mind if I get
changed in the caravan?
-Please go ahead.
-Thank you.
-Do you need help?
-No. Do they teach you that at school?
We're taught to be polite
to ladies.
Give me your suitcase.
A typically American product.
It's fixed.
My hat.
I think everything's alright.
You can go.
I don't know how to thank you.
I wouldn't have known what to do.
Mechanics would line up
to help you.
-But not experts like you.
-Oh yes.
Thanks again.
-See you soon, mayb... mayb...
-Maybe.
-What's this?
-I reversed the controls.
If you put it in reverse,
you go forward.
Are you coming?
Ever since we arrived in Spain,
you both think you're Don Juan.
I won't have that
jalopy overtake me.
-What are you doing?
-I'm turning on the turbo compressor.
-Just be careful.
-140 is alright for a moment.
-That doesn't look good.
-Never seen a smoking engine?
You know nothing about it.
-Can I help?
-Go away. Hurry.
We'll let the expert deal with it.
-It's really very hot.
-You can say that again.
-Just count. 34.
-Yes, 34, 38, 40, 44.
-And 10 more. That makes...
-54.
It's so hot in here.
Is that turbo compressor going to work?
-Another minute.
-You're just an amateur.
-And no wind at all.
-I'm suffocating.
We're in the full sun.
-I'd prefer car trouble in the shade.
-Or no car trouble at al.
I pass.
-Finally some air.
-That feels good.
The caravan.
We're going a bit fast now.
The caravan's leaving.
Lon, the caravan's leaving.
He's mad.
-Are you crazy?
-We were almost dead.
-You can't do that.
-Alright, I'll take the bike.
You should put the hand brake on.
You failed your driving exam
six times. Stay out of it.
The caravan.
Come on, guys. Hello, Myriam.
Had a good trip?
Get the suitcases.
Don't ruin the locks, Mollo.
Stupid. You never know.
If they come for their suitcase,
the locks have to be intact.
When we have the diamond, we'll put
everything back and lock the suitcase.
-Where's the jacket?
-It was on top.
And now hopefully at the bottom.
Socks, socks and socks.
Are they centipedes or what?
No jacket. How about that?
I'm sure he put the jacket
in the suitcase.
Are you ripping me off?
You'd pay for it.
-You know me, Fred.
-That's why. You love diamonds.
But not at that price.
If he put the jacket in there
and it's gone now...
...then somebody must have taken it
out again. Probably he.
We have to search all of Spain.
If only we knew where they went.
-To Sevilla.
-Now you're telling us.
-Hey you.
-Make a call to Sevilla right away.
Ask for Fernandez in the Blue Bar.
A couple of bums in a cab
with a caravan. Easy to spot.
Damn, what's that Fernandez doing?
He'd call me back, but it's 10
o'clock and no phone call yet.
And you haven't seen the last of me.
I understand now.
Fernandez set us up.
The bastard. He'll pay for this.
Hello? Is it you, Fernandez?
About the French cab.
We didn't find it.
Are you sure?
I'll have it checked.
Go ahead. We didn't find anything.
It's not our fault.
He looked all over the city,
but didn't find anything.
What are you standing there?
The diamond's in Spain somewhere.
We have to look everywhere.
Myriam and I go from Madrid to Sevilla.
Carlos goes to Valencia. Gonzals
and Pedro go to Barcelona.
To work.
Get the cars. I want to find the family
before tomorrow evening.
You take the Cadillac.
-What's that?
-Maybe the police.
Hide in the garage.
Do something if you have to.
-What are we doing?
-Go have a look.
You stay here.
It's them.
Is it you? Come in.
You weren't easy to find.
Nice to see you.
-Likewise.
-Thank you.
Get the gentleman's suitcase.
You got the wrong suitcase.
They look so similar.
I saw it when I wanted to open it.
My key didn't fit.
I almost called a locksmith.
This is Mr. Fred, the owner.
Nice meeting you.
Will you drink something? Come on.
Your suitcase.
I'm glad I've got it back.
It's not a normal suitcase, you see.
-Didn't you find anything?
-Like what?
Oh yes, you couldn't open it.
You'd have been surprised.
It was well hidden.
I'm transporting something valuable.
They look like socks,
but in reality...
You know the deal with socks?
They're great for hiding things.
I can tell you the truth.
They're full of tobacco.
It's handy if you ever need
to get something past customs.
Sometimes we have
to break the law a bit, don't we?
-Thanks for the tip.
-I've got to go.
-Will you be staying in Granada?
-For the time being.
-Please come by again.
-I sure will. See you soon.
I hope so.
You're always welcome in La Corrida.
-La Corrida?
-That's what it's called here.
The family's getting impatient.
Have a glass with us.
I'll call them.
I'd love to pay you
another visit soon.
Today, we're going to Granada.
I'll walk with you.
So I can say hello to the ladies.
You're so nice.
I think he was pulling
my leg with those socks.
Gonzals, Pedro.
I've got a job for you.
The diamonds must still be in the jacket
without them knowing it.
Go after the jacket.
Follow that guy.
You're two innocent tourists.
Get on your bikes
and follow them everywhere.
-It's very beautiful.
-Very enjoyable.
We're almost out of tobacco.
We need to open a sock.
Take the tobacco from my
jacket first, before it goes dry.
Hand me Maurice's jacket.
-Everything's got its spot.
-And every man to his trade.
I'm warning you. Next time
you do that, I'll kick you.
-I didn't do it on purpose.
-Leave the girl in peace.
-What about some snuff...
-Cut in little pieces.
Bloody idiot.
-Be careful.
-No dessert for you.
I don't like cake anyway.
-I think you lost something.
-Thank you.
That speaks for itself.
You're honest or you're not.
-This way.
-Put down your luggage.
If you knew what's in here...
Something very valuable.
Our favourite tobacco.
We can't do without.
Sit down.
-Would you like a drink?
-I'll get a bottle of Beaujolais.
That must be the jacket
we're looking for.
-Do you want some tobacco?
-No, I don't smoke.
You? Have some. You'll
love it. Smell this.
-Nice here, isn't it?
-The diamond's in the right pocket.
Come a bit closer.
Don't be afraid.
Serve yourself.
Stay here.
Have some. Smell it. It's good.
Where are you going?
You fell. Come on.
Did you hurt yourself?
These are the gentlemen who
saved our tobacco.
-I'll get some more glasses.
-My wife.
-I'm Gonzals.
-Nice to meet you.
Do you need your jacket?
I'll hang it in the closet.
You'd forget it and it
could get stolen.
Cheers.
-We couldn't get to his jacket.
-They're too many. We couldn't do it.
Congratulations.
They're hard to crack.
I have an idea. We have to get to that
jacket no matter what.
To do that, we have to lure them
away from the caravan.
We'll invite the entire family.
When they're all here, you
can get the diamond from the jacket.
That's not a bad idea at all.
I don't see them anywhere.
There they are.
-They're all here.
-Let's search the caravan.
No need. He's wearing the jacket.
-The jacket with the diamond.
-Perfect. It'll be ours again soon.
Put on your glasses. They can't
recognise you. You're customers.
Good evening. I reserved the
best table for you.
What a reception.
When I meet Parisians,
I get sentimental.
-You're a Parisian?
-From Pigalle.
I thought I knew that face.
-Take off your coat. It's warm.
-Yes, it's very warm. Take it off.
-I'd rather keep it on.
-We've got a cloakroom.
-Make yourself comfortable.
-The thing is... I'm wearing braces.
-So what?
-It doesn't look good.
What would you like to drink?
Trust me. I've got great
local wine. Specialty of the house.
Dangerous for women,
refreshing for men.
-You'll like it.
-It's a very special wine.
How clumsy. Give me your jacket.
I'll take it to the cloakroom.
-You're very keen to undress my husband.
-I'm only trying to help.
-Make it really strong.
-No problem.
We'll look after them.
-He'll be sweating.
-You bet.
Manuel, it's finished.
Pour two normal glasses,
one for Myriam and one for me.
When they're drunk,
we'll get that jacket easily.
-It's really nice.
-I hope so.
-With bubbles, I see.
-Indeed.
-I hope you like it.
-Have my glass.
-A cigarette?
-No, I only smoke pipe.
-To your health.
-It has to be drunk in one hit.
They're not used to anything.
Doesn't taste bad.
A bit light, but good.
Shall I pour you some more?
Can I have this dance, madam?
Do you want to dance?
-You don't dance?
-Daddy... doesn't... dance. I... I...
I beg your pardon?
I certainly do dance.
-Aren't you asking me?
-Don't.
-I'm thirsty.
-You'll get a gre... grenadine.
-Waiter, one gre... grenadine for her.
-We don't have that.
So in Gra... Gra... Granada
they don't have grenadine?
-Drink water then.
-I don't want water. Give me.
And end up under the table?
Loser.
What a surprise.
I'll talk to you later.
Somebody's going to perform.
-Where are the children?
-They must have gone for a walk.
Nicole can't dance,
so it's no fun for them.
They can get some fresh air.
-He handles it well.
-We'll get him.
The owners of La Corrida
are happy to present to you...
...the famous dancing trio
Les Cervantes and their guitarists...
...in a flamenco and a dance
from Sevilla. A hand for Les Cervantes.
Do you have a light?
-What a clown.
-Not bad though.
You have to admit he's
doing that well.
-The booze has an effect on him.
-Definitely.
He's really great.
-I knew he could dance the java well.
-But this is a Spanish java.
-He's holding his own.
-Wait a moment.
-What are you going to do?
-I have an idea.
-What does that big guy want?
-Take of your jacket if you dare.
The jacket. This is our chance.
I've got the black belt, buddy.
Dear listeners, we're covering the final
of the world championships rugby.
The man from Granada is pursued
by the Parisian.
Will he do it? Yes, no, yes.
The Parisian's running away.
Will he score?
What a match, listeners.
Will the little Parisian
get past the lady?
This match was offered to you
by Space Rocket Company Toc.
The address for your future
trips to the moon: Toc.
That was it.
We'll never come here again.
What a night. I won't easily
forget the nightclubs of Granada.
It's you.
-Would you like to go swimming with me?
-Absolutely.
Wake up.
I can hear people talk.
Quick, Jacques gets in with the blonde.
Hurry up. Get up.
Where did he go?
I left a note saying that I...
I've gone sw... swimming with...
Since you're awake,
I'll tell you right away.
If you care for your son,
return the diamond before 12 o'clock.
-Which diamond? You're mad...
-You've heard enough.
-What's happening?
-Let's go.
Go where?
Put the boy in the back
and tie him down.
-Mathilde, don't you have a headache?
-Yes, I do.
-We shouldn't drink so much.
-Terrible.
-It even feels like we're driving.
-Yes, it does.
-We'll never catch up with them.
-Just watch me.
He's got a sunstroke.
Go through the city. I want
to see him follow us there.
The bastard.
-I think I have a delirium.
-Why, do you see mice?
Yes, black mice.
Stop, police.
The police will come after us.
That would be good for a change.
I hope he doesn't hurt him.
-It's working.
-What's working?
My turbo compressor.
Faster. He's catching up with us.
Go.
-We're going into the mountains.
-Do you think we can follow them?
-I don't see them anymore.
-They can't keep up uphill.
The police.
We'll never get that diamond now.
Let's throw the pipsqueak out
and get away from here.
You can't leave me here, Myriam.
Stop.
-Did they hurt you?
-That's what you get from womanizing.
-Why did you do that?
-To do you a favour.
We were almost dead.
This is all I could save.
Hands up.
The stolen diamond from Paris.
Paris
six months later
They thought we were thieves
and locked us up.
It took a while before they believed
us and released us.
That's why our holiday
lasted half a year.
But the craziest thing about it is
that they never caught the thieves.
-Excuse me.
-Let's go.