Throughout the
saga of this great land,
whenever the shells of tyranny
have flown toward our hallowed soil,
we have always endured.
And that is why, though often
shamelessly overlooked...
by mainstream academics,
the Battle of Patriotville Creek
does indeed have much to teach us.
Yes. It all happened right here,
upon this glorious battlefield,
Fire at will!
None of us would ever
be the same.
Charge!
Thank you.
Oh. Thank you.
# Now, where were you when I
was stranded out in this town #
# I swear that you could
rely on me #
# While you've been away
Do you see #
# Like there's no one around
to make it true #
# And I #
# Look to the stars #
# And right underneath
I'm a prisoner #
# What am I doing here #
# What will you do #
# When your dreams come true #
# When your dreams come true #
# What will you do #
# When your dreams come true #
# Another night Well, I
was just wandering about #
# Wearing out the disguise
I breathe, yeah #
# This dream is alive #
# Like some memory
of you or me #
# Till my eyes turn into stone #
# Till my eyes turn into stone #
# Till my eyes turn into stone #
# Till my eyes turn into stone #
# What will you do #
# When your dreams come true #
# When your dreams come true #
# What will you do #
# When your dreams come true #
You're obsessed.
You know, man, there's
more to life than just work.
Hey, Dig. You know, some
people really like having a job.
And I don't mean, like, chasing high
school girls around. That's not a job.
Technically it's not a job. I know
what you mean. But it is hard work.
I don't know what you want me
to say. I love my job, okay?
History is the cornerstone
of our nation's past.
Past! But the future,
which is forward,
is out there.
Old dead things...
Please don't.
Please.
Old dead things in here.
Alive things...
Young alive things out there.
Look, dude. All I'm saying is that
why don't you come with me tonight?
I'm meeting up with this...
sweet beauty.
Car... Carlinda.
Carlinda?
Bet... Betty...
Look. Okay. More importantly,
when it comes to you,
she is going to...
bring, dot, dot, dot...
Oh. Her, uh, beaver? Her
beaver? Why does that matter?
W... Friends.
Oh, her friends' beavers?
Her friends.
She's gonna bring her friends.
I... I... I can't, man. I... I... I gotta
work on my proposal to the town council.
Man, you're more stuck
than I thought.
I'm a little busy right now.
I'm a little preoccupied.
It is a simple fact, man.
Celibacy kills.
It's been medically
established.
Where?
The journal.
In your journal? L...
I got priorities.
If I had a museum,
guess what I would call it.
The muse de "pussay."
That's great.
Great. Do you get it?
Yeah, I do. It would
showcase all the greats.
There would be, uh,
Don Juan. Of course.
Casanova.
Richard Gere.
Right.
It would be awesome.
Josh Hartnett.
Hartnett? Yeah.
Taylor Pork Lips Clamps was
the third major employer in town...
to go out of business
this year.
Consequently,
tax revenues are down,
and we're actually behind
on some of our bond payments.
Edwin Goosewiite,
town treasurer.
Uh, yes, Mr. Mayor?
Clearly your Nobel Prize in
economics was no wasted parchment.
Actually, I don't have
a Nobel Prize in economics.
Sarcasm, you mongoloid.
Okay. Thanks.
Just give us the F'ing
bottom line here.
Oh. Well, we are
going bankrupt.
- I'm sorry. I probably
should have said something earlier.
All right. Hold on.
Hold on. You F-wits.
The ship ain't sinkin',
okay?
Not while I'm in the
saddle... of this ship.
I got a plan,
all right? Somethin' big.
Somethin' extra large.
The cavalry's on the way.
Oh, man.
That is the shit.
Eldorado '74.
Last of the greats.
Hey, that was back when
they built 'em big and wide.
You know, back when a man
was just always prepared.
Get your girl so itchy
that she's just dyin' for it.
"Give it to me."
That's what she would say. And then
you could just put the seats down,
and then you could have plenty
of room to do your best work.
You ever wonder, if things took a
different turn, what might have been?
No.
How long has that sign
been there?
What if they had built
all those homes?
A hundred houses would be
out here right now.
It's crazy the potential
that just never...
got realized.
It ain't there.
Please, we actually
got customers?
We got clientele. Native American
indigenous type clientele.
You mean Indians?
Oh, my God, that's
pass terminology, Son.
It's kind of like calling
Orientals Chinamen.
I don't think...
They, uh, wanted three
together, so I gave them yours.
So you better take 68.
Sixty-eight?
Dad, I hate 68.
Oh, shit. Them Indians
are gonna need towels.
- You mind?
- Okay.
Om.
Hello.
I'm Mary Born Kicking.
Hey. I'm, uh, Chase,
from the Lodge. How.
Hi.
Uh...
Oh. Sorry.
Sorry to interrupt.
No. It's okay.
You do yoga,
Chase from the Lodge?
Uh, yoga? I thought...
I thought you were...
What?
No, nothing.
Praying for rain?
You think yoga's effeminate? No.
You should try it.
Change your life.
Thank you.
You have to grab some in here, would
you, Wes? And we'll, uh, get goin'.
Mr. Barksdale. Oh, Chase
Revere. What you doin', son?
You leadin'
the gay pride parade?
No. No, I'm not.
Uh, we don't even... I don't
think we have a gay pride parade.
Yeah, well,
keep hope alive, son.
Uh, I'm here for the... We had a
to the town council, so...
Sorry, son. You know, some
other town business come up.
- We need the chairs.
- Uh, sir. I got it.
- Got what?
- The answer to our town's financial woes.
What, in there?
Historical tourism.
Take a look at that.
Ah.
And listen to this.
Oh, you got some tunes? No. No.
It's a multimedia presentation.
Here in Patriotville,
we have an abundance of history,
more than most places, in
fact. Well... Yeah, that's...
That's fine.
People love to learn about...
where they come from,
I've found.
- It's the feather.
- Huh?
That feather makes it gay.
Just my two cents.
Sorry about the chairs.
It's a grand
ambition. That's for sure.
But history is a grand subject.
Let's see where it takes us.
And so, in conclusion,
Patriotville is a town
built for business...
your casino business.
Great job, Stove.
Have a sit.
Stove.
So, uh... We think we took
the standard deal on these things...
and, uh, really
upped it a notch.
Yeah. And, uh, then we...
took it up...
another notch.
- So, where did you say you chaps were from?
- Uh, here, originally.
Judge here's
a magician with the law.
Gonna grease this sucker
every inch of the way.
Gonna grease it like a watermelon
in a public pool, huh, Judge?
That's just a saying.
So, uh,
we ready to ink this?
Forty generations ago,
our tribe called
these lands home.
Our ancestors did not know that
promises could scatter like dust.
Now we know better.
When the vision of this casino rose
from the flames of our council fire,
I dreamed of an eagle.
What this eagle told me...
was that our future lies here...
Ah.
With your village.
Or your neighbor... the
village you call Sulfur Falls,
across the mountain.
The eagle is cautious.
Uh, we don't understand.
What don't you understand?
Bureau of Indian Affairs,
recognition of the Alguanqua Tribe,
Federal Indian
Gaming Commission license...
and a $20 million
equity agreement.
Our casino will save
your dying town.
So don't talk to us
of the standard deal.
Your people have always given
our people the standard deal.
The standard deal blows.
You have 24 hours
to make an honorable offer,
or we go across the mountain
to Sulfur Falls.
I have chosen my gift.
- What just happened here?
- Well, we got ambushed.
So you're telling me now we're in competition
with those hicks over in Sulfur Falls?
"F" that shit.
We weren't prepared.
We're gonna be.
I don't think he saw
an eagle in this area.
Yeah, I thought
they were into hawks.
This Indian shit...
that got really
"Indiany" in here.
He might have seen
an osprey.
They were talkin' about
a dream, you F-holes.
Oh, hey. Hello.
You work at Long John Silver's?
Uh, oh, no.
No. I work at
the Battlefield Museum.
I'm, uh...
I'm the manager there.
Slash,
you know, senior curator.
- Oh.
- Uh, what about you? What... What's your...
"ocupado"?
Oh, just freelance.
- Freelance what?
- Just freelance.
No, but, like, freelance...
Just freelance.
Just freelance.
Good old freelance.
That's cool.
I like your bike.
Oh. Yeah. L... I let my
dad borrow my car today.
I usually travel
on four wheels.
This is my dad's.
Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm. Maybe they
could carpool. -
- Right? It'd be environmental.
- That's all the rage these days.
Very green.
Did you, uh,
lose the keys, or you...
No.
No, because...
Did you try the other door?
Were you watching me?
No.
No, I was... I...
I was comin'... No.
I was just drivin'
down the hill. L...
All right. I mean, I
saw you for a while.
Yeah, just try that.
Maybe sometimes... Ah.
There you go.
You're clever.
Thanks.
Can you double me on that?
Um,
it's not technically a bike
built for two.
It's built for one.
Seat's a little warm.
That's all right.
Okay.
You okay?
Mm-hmm.
Go. Go.
What?
Keep goin'.
Keep goin'.
Okay.
Okay. You okay?
Yeah.
Whoo!
Say, do you, uh,
want to have a beer?
Yes.
My dad slinked off
with this woman last year.
We were living in Sulfur Falls.
He just disappeared
in the middle of the night.
Just like that.
Nobody's seen him since.
I decided to move here.
You know, fresh start.
Yeah. And then, bam,
I spot his car here.
So, naturally,
you had to blow it up.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That was just so he knows...
I know he's around,
somewhere.
That was my message
to him tonight.
Loud and clear.
Mm-hmm.
He's got something of
mine. I want it back. What?
A necklace.
Is it made out of, like,
the bones of Jesus?
Jesus.
It was my great-grandmother's, then
my grandmother's, then my mother's.
Now it's supposed to be mine.
So, do...
So, do you miss him?
That's personal.
I'm sorry. L...
That's... I shouldn't have.
No.
I don't.
Yeah, I do.
My mom died, like,
four years ago now.
- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- Can I call you?
Sure. You can call me,
but...
if I don't answer, you
won't take that personally.
Chances are
I probably would.
An honest man.
I mean, the head of the Chamber of Commerce
canceling a meeting like that at the last second.
It's not cool. I know he's your
dad and all, but it's not cool.
Nice.
So, uh, who's this girl?
Lucy something.
That's all I know.
Lucy?
Yeah.
Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.
Wait. Kind of weird
but kind of hot?
Implications of something
dirty and awesome goin' on?
Yeah. You know her?
Dude, Lucy Spanks.
She was living in Sulfur Falls.
- My cousin Slinky at the, uh...
- Slinky?
Dude, he tried
everything on her.
No dice. Her knees are glued
together extra-virgin style.
Slinky'd say
that nobody's hit it.
Ever.
I'm gonna ask her out.
- No, no, no, no, no, no. What?
- Yeah.
- No, dude. Don't bother.
- Why?
Dude, just 'cause she looks like a
slut, doesn't mean that she is a slut.
And right now, you and I...
we need sluts.
That's my opinion.
Oh, hey. I got some
other news for you. What?
Dude, we're gettin' a casino.
Here?
Yeah.
This dipshit town's
about to win the lottery.
Everything's gonna change.
No way.
No way.
All right, dude. You don't have to believe
me, but my dad heard it from the mayor, so...
Okay. This is like the time the
Olympics were gonna come here.
The Winter Olympics.
Or what about...
when they were gonna move the Eiffel
Tower from Paris to Patriotville?
- That was true.
- Or Disneyland was gonna move in?
- Disneyland... they're still working on
the plans. - I don't believe a word of it.
- Are you kidding me?
- You don't have to believe me,
but my dad said
it's a done deal.
They don't... They don't get it. They don't
understand that our point of difference...
for the vacationing public is...
i-is our place in history.
They move some casino in here... some crap-ass
casino... it's gonna change the whole thing.
It's gonna ruin it all. We're gonna be like every
other sleazy casino town. They can't do that.
Maybe the town
would rather be rich...
than have a rich history.
I'll pretend like
you didn't even say that.
Dude, I heard one more thing. What?
One of the places that they were
talking about building the casino...
Yeah? Where?
At the...
At the battlefield,
where you work.
Come on.
Chief!
Here.
Christ.
You almost scared me.
I have an office, you know.
Corn comforts me.
Yeah.
Look, uh, I'm a bottom line guy.
Okay? Like yourself...
what makes us leaders.
Yeah. We're gonna, uh,
expand the acreage offer...
and enhance
all the financial terms.
And...
We're gonna make the lease
a dollar a year. Okay?
We're basically
gonna give it to ya.
These are the same wind-filled
promises of your rival.
Surely you can think of offerings
that would prove your worthiness.
There is a river
in our legend history.
The mighty Alguanqua.
There is no stronger
river anywhere,
because, in this river,
the water flows both ways.
The both ways river.
Yeah, can I get
back to you on that?
- Hello?
- Hey. Uh, it's Chase.
Hey. I have
a question for you.
Okay.
If you answer correctly,
you can ask me out.
If you want.
Do you want to ask me out?
Is that... Is that the question?
Do I want to ask you out? No.
That's the follow-up question to the
first question, if you get it right.
But, since you brought it up,
what's the answer?
Uh... What? No. No.
Sorry. You have to ask
the first question first.
I forgot it.
I lost the upper hand,
didn't I?
Oh, well. Don't get too confident.
I am much more
complicated than I look.
Are you at
Long John Silver's?
Yeah.
I actually am.
You want to come over?
# She cries, she lies she
drives me wild but I love her #
# Stars seem to line up #
# All in a row #
# Now what's that say
about you and I #
# I get stoned if I remember #
# I want to take a plane
over the sun #
# And I'll never
come home again #
It's called the, uh...
the family that never laughed.
This is very interesting. The first steel
was produced in East Africa in 1400 B. C,
and today there are modern
steel mills in the same sites...
as some of those
original ones in Africa.
Wow.
Yeah.
I never knew that.
Well, now you do.
Yeah.
Our last one here closed, uh,
# Now what's that say
about you and I #
# I get stoned if I remember #
# I want to take a plane
over the sun #
# And I'll never
come home again #
These are the first
hermaphrodite ducks.
# She cries, she lies she
drives me wild but I love her #
# Stars
seem to line up all in a row #
I like your job.
My mom was a history
teacher, so I kind of...
caught the bug,
I guess.
Hmm. I had, um...
I had a really fun day.
Me too.
Can I kiss you
right now?
I can't.
Please.
I can't.
How come?
I just can't.
Uh,
earlier did you say you
had a fun day or date?
So, I think this
"river flows both ways" shit...
is just Indianspeak for a
plain, old-fashioned bribe.
They're just tryin' to squeeze
every dime out of this they can.
Well, Stover, pop quiz.
Who invented capitalism?
Not them.
I talked to Edwin today.
For once, it may pay off to
have a retard for a treasurer.
We got 65,000 in state money
to repair the water system.
Now, if we use that
for this,
we'll be able to beat whatever
those Sulfur clowns put up.
Bribe's not so kosher.
I'm with Carlos.
Kosher is kosher.
- And that's not kosher.
- Thank you, Rabbi.
Okay.
Stover,
how much were loan
defaults up last year?
I don't have those numbers.
Oh. Okay. Thank you.
Kitty, how many buckets of extra-crappy
chicken you sell this year compared to last?
Not so many.
Used to be Carlos had three
guys at the barbershop.
Yeah. Now it's just him and
his mom, and she's feeble.
No offense.
- She cuts my hair good.
- Shut up, Stover.
Now look. We either
pay a little bit now,
or we watch this whole town
float down crap river.
If this thing gets out,
we're gonna find ourselves
with a mouth full of balls.
What the "F"
are you talkin' about?
Testes.
No, I got the reference.
I just don't... Forget it.
By which I mean to say that
it would be unpleasant.
Mama.
There was an accident.
Do you need some help?
No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Everyone's fine.
Mama.
It's hot.
It's early.
Who's that?
Just a boy.
I said that once.
# Every day #
# Yeah #
# You always said #
# Don't say #
# I love you #
# You can come find me #
# On an island miles away #
# On an island miles away #
Oh, man. I'm ready for a dip.
I hear that.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
Pretty crazy, huh, Abby?
Gail.
My name.
It's... It's Gail.
That's... That's what I said.
Oh. I thought you said Abby.
Are you really jumping?
Are you kidding?
Yeah. I'd jump that.
I'd, uh... I'll do it again,
'cause I've done it before,
a ton of times.
- Do it.
- All right, hotshot. I will.
Why don't you settle down for a
second. Let me get my bearings here.
Whoo!
Oh, she is not normal.
Shit.
Shit.
Oh.
I'm in love with him.
No, you're not.
Come on, you chicken!
It's awesome!
I'm comin' right down.
Whoo!
Uh-oh. Looks like
someone needs to borrow a pair.
Come on, Chase!
Come on, Chase!
Come on, Chase!
Just be a man... for once!
# You always said #
# Don't say #
# I love you #
I figured out
how to stop the casino.
I wrote a letter to the mayor.
Did I tell you that?
Mm-mmm. You know what you need?
A petition.
Otherwise known as
"Why would you do that?"
A petition.
I did it in school to
get rid of a vice principal.
He was creeping me out.
Oh, yeah. How'd that go? Got expelled.
That's genius.
A... A petition. A petition to
put the casino to a town vote.
Don't you guys get it?
Everybody wants this casino.
Who would vote on that?
I'd sign.
Yeah. I'd sign.
That's-That's one...
Oh, so just... Oh, it's just
you two against the entire town.
No, man. Others would
join. Are you kidding?
There'd be a lot of people. It's called
democracy. That's what democracy is all about.
Dude, it's called "What is
your deal... with this thing?"
Just let it go.
Stupid easy money is still
stupid, even if it's easy.
But, dude, stupid easy money... You make
"stupid easy money" sound like it's a problem,
not a solution.
I'm sorry. You trying
to impress somebody?
Wow. Okay.
Hey. How are your herpes?
Are they under control now?
Douche bag.
Mmm.
There doesn't seem to be as many...
many people here as last year.
Yeah. That's, uh,
stating the obvious.
You think it's 'cause of the downturn
in the local business affairs?
Do... That's
only a newspaper headline.
You haven't been reading
a newspaper, have you?
- What do you mean? - Nothin'. I just,
you know, got worried for a second.
Stop it.
What?
You're being mean.
What are those Indian fellas
doing here in town?
They are, uh,
you know, previously...
oppressed peoples of America, so be
nice to 'em... you and all the girls.
Is something going on?
No.
And don't ask questions.
I made a casserole tonight.
No.
For dinner. No? No. And I
might sleep at the office.
I can bring the casserole...
Just go to bed.
Oh, you got a girlfriend
or something?
Yeah. I do.
Oh, this is weird. Uh, her name
is "official town business."
Sorry. I love you.
Love you too.
Okay. Come here.
Okay.
Bye.
Where'd that come from?
It's amazing how much
happened here.
I mean,
it would blow your mind,
the history that was here...
that is here.
In 1776,
these, uh, American soldiers
coming home for Christmas...
were ambushed by 50 British.
They were severely
outnumbered. Right here.
You see, the Americans got
clobbered, and they surrendered fast,
but, um, it was so cold out,
everyone was freezing...
captor and captive.
So they cut a deal.
The Americans let the British
pretend to hold the entire town.
That way, no one got hurt, and they were able
to get regular supplies from the British army.
And then, when the war was over, they gave
each British guy, like, a little piece of land.
Sneaky.
It was called the Secret
Surrender of Patriotville.
Nice, uh, office.
- Thank you muchly.
- What's your real job?
I'm the mayor.
Oh.
I thought, in towns like this, the mayor
usually has a day job to go along with the...
great honor of the mayorship.
Lawn care.
Lawn care.
Second-most successful
business in town.
In the bureau...
I'm the first man
on the scene, as they say.
My job is to keep things
clean in the beginning,
when things can be
their most... unruly.
Okay, I've seen
all the tricks.
Every single one of them. The Indians have
something the white man wants... again...
and the white man
will do anything to get it.
You're white.
You're observant.
I like that.
It's obvious why you're the
mayor here. Very smart man.
Thank you.
Anyway,
I'm just here until the tribe
settles on a location...
and the official locating agreement
is signed by all necessary parties.
Then somebody
has themselves a casino.
And that, of course, is when
the real bureaucracy takes over.
That is a real kettle of old fish
heads, if you know what I mean.
But before that,
it's my apples on the line.
So, to get down to
brass tacks,
if anything messes
with my apples,
that means
no locating agreement.
And that means...
no casino.
I have your apples
in my capable hands.
I like the sound of that.
I really like
the sound of that.
Excuse me. Mayor Fishback. Hey, dude.
Hi. Do you have a moment
for one of your constituents?
Always. Chase.
It's good to see you again.
Good.
Digger Barksdale.
Hey.
How are ya?
We're actually, uh,
looking for signatures...
for our petition that would
put the casino to a town vote.
Let me get this... For one, I don't
know what you're talking about.
There's no casino.
Sorry?
No, but that'd be great.
Wouldn't it? Because I love gaming.
It would be awesome.
What's your game? I'm a
Caribbean Poker man. Yeah.
Is this for a school project?
No. Sir, this is a petition...
for the town to vote
on the casino.
Oh. Where? Where's the
casino? The one that...
That the games of chance over there?
Is that what you're talking about?
- Mayor, all due respect...
- We know the casino is coming. We know...
- How would you know about that?
- Oh, his dad...
No, no, no.
Dad... His dad...
Great. So, moving on. The town
needs money. We're in dire straits.
History can't happen
again without progress. Ah?
Right?
So let's progress.
Let's allow the red man to
come in and build a casino...
I think "red man" is disresp...
And let's all get rich.
- No, that's an actual term.
- We're gonna get a casino in here.
We're gonna put it
on your battlefield.
And we're gonna make enough
money to fix the water system,
and you'll get
new school uniforms.
- And what else would bring in tourists?
Nothing. - Oh, I don't know.
Maybe our beautiful history that we
have, that we want to preserve here.
The fact that an amazing battle took place
right here on our own hallowed ground.
Maybe that would bring in
some tourists.
It's not about glamorous, sleazy
casinos, which any town could have.
We have a real place in history,
and that's how we have to attract...
Can I tell you something?
And this might disappoint you.
That whole battle
is an urban myth.
It's an urban myth.
Historical fact, Mayor. Let
me take a look at that again.
If you were to vote for a
casino, what would you, uh...
- What would you vote? What would
your vote be? - My vote would be no.
I don't really care either
way. That's not your name.
No. I'm writing those
two names down here.
Gonna put it in my pocket.
Those are two of our friends.
I don't understand why you did
that. Ah, you don't have to.
Keep it goin'. The spirit of
the civic-minded community...
You... You have our...
Thanks, dude.
That went the exact opposite of
how I thought it was gonna go.
We're getting the ball
rolling. The ball... of freedom.
This is so civic. Yeah.
Can I go...
Of course. Yeah.
Excuse me, sir.
No, thanks.
Sir. Sir.
What have we got so far?
Six.
Uh...
Well, this guy signed his name
twice for some reason.
Hey, uh, I'm from
the Guardian.
My sources said there's a
political protest happening?
I can confirm that.
Can I get your names?
Yes, you can.
- This is Lucy Spanks... - Hey, kids. This
here's all gonna get shut down right now.
What?
Who says?
No political assembly
permit's been filed...
for this location.
You're out of here, pronto.
You know what? I have one word for you,
Officer, and that's "First Amendment."
Two words.
I want you to head west down the
sidewalk and take your table and your...
I want you to respect the fact that we pay
taxes and we have a right to be here, okay?
- John! - Just 'cause you
have a mustache and a gravelly,
authoritative voice, doesn't mean
we're going anywhere, Officer "Snay-ad."
- Snead.
- Have you forgotten this is America?
That's what hippies
like you always say.
So, how long do you folks
figure you'll be at this?
As long as it takes.
As long as it takes.
As long as it takes.
As long as it takes.
As long as it takes. Patriotville,
don't sit down on this one!
As long as it
takes. As long as it takes.
Michael
Moore... As long as it...
That's how long it took.
Let's go!
As long as it
takes. As long as it takes.
All right.
As long as it takes.
Keep clapping. Just move
along. As long as it takes.
As long as it takes.
Hey, Cleve. Cleve!
Cleve!
Cleve!
- What? I'm G.D. Workin'. What do you want?
- We got a problem, okay?
There's a lot of loose talk out
there, spreading like crabs on payday.
They all smell it comin'.
Got the fever.
I know. Looks like
it's already here. Yeah.
We, uh... We gettin'
in over our heads here?
Look.
We just gotta be making this
thing less complicated, okay?
Yeah.
All right?
You're right. How do
we... How do we do that?
- I got a plan.
- Always got a plan.
That's-That's right.
You always got a plan.
It's plan "A" too. All right? We don't even-
We're not even gonna need plan "B" or "C."
What do I do in the plan? What?
- What do I do in the plan? - You're
the fat guy who asks dumb questions.
You're the numbers man,
you bozo.
Oh. Show him this.
Hey. Yeah.
Solved one problem. Oh. Yeah.
Man, look at that, would ya? Get a load
of her, huh? I could sting that honeybee.
- Hey.
- What?
Okay. Look.
I'm two seconds away...
from using this
on your pubes.
Now get the "F" out of here, all
right? Before I kick you. Okay.
- What is this?
- It's wrong.
Well, I'm glad we're on
the same page. Now look.
There's big things happening... things
I'm not at liberty to talk about.
There is a major
comeback under way here.
But a Revere goin' around speakin'
Karl Marx type shit in this town...
don't you cut me out
of what I got comin'.
Okay, Dad, first of all,
I'm no communist,
and I know about
the casino, all right?
- You don't know shit. That's a secret.
- Dad, what's with the pool?
I'm fixin' it.
With what?
With a loan.
Now's the time.
Wait a minute.
A... A loan from where?
From a friend.
A fella. This dude.
Oh, Jesus.
Hey. I've done
my homework,
so just once in your life, I want
you to have some faith in your poppy.
Dad, I started a petition...
for the town to vote
on the casino.
Foolish, foolish,
foolish youth.
I don't care if you are Marx or
Lenin or Pol Pot or Gorbachev...
Dad, please drop the communist
thing. I'm not a communist, okay?
I don't care if
you're a communist or...
or a Leninist
or a Maoist type.
I just want you to drop this
shit and get out of the road.
I'm comin' through.
You hear me?
- What does that mean?
- Yeah.
Um... Clear the road...
No, I know...
- 'cause I'm coming through.
- Hey, Vic.
Would you come here for a sec?
Would you tell my dad
I'm not a communist?
He not a communist.
Thank you.
And he knows me just about better than
anybody else in this town. My point is, Dad,
there are people here who want
to keep the town the way it is.
Vic, do you want
a casino in this town?
No.
Thank you.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
A hundred percent?
Oh, by the way, Vic,
uh, did you put the...
You don't have to write... You
can write "Native Americans."
You don't have to write
"Not Indians." No. American.
Yeah. Okay. Okay. Cool.
Thanks, man. You're welcome.
What's up with your dad?
I don't know.
Little man
with a big plan.
What about your
revolucin?
Oh. What, are you
kidding? He doesn't understand.
That doesn't
surprise me though.
You ever seen
The Joy Luck Club?
Yeah. No, yeah.
I've seen that.
What about it?
It's good. Good movie.
Do you really think
that some petition...
is gonna stop this casino...
or get some girl?
I don't know.
Feels like something's
gonna happen though.
Well, something is better
than nothing.
So that's good.
Yeah.
Hope is a funny thing.
It's a line from
Joy Luck.
Yeah. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Yeah!
Ding-dong!
Ding-dong!
No.
No. I don't think so.
No.
It's just over,
the way it should be.
Are you punishing me
for something? Huh?
Is it that Revere kid?
He's a boy.
Look. Lucy,
don't "F" with me.
- I know your type.
- "F" with yourself, Cleveland.
I'm no type.
And if I was,
I'm not anymore.
Good luck
finding your clothes.
Yeah. I hid 'em.
Supposed
to be a game, you know,
but, uh, well, now it takes on a
different connotation, doesn't it?
See?
Vic, are you familiar
with the concept of feng shui?
See, what I'm seeing here
is just greens and blues,
like an oasis
in a desert.
And let's put something
on that pipe.
It's just pokin' out there.
It looks like a...
a pipe.
Let's fix it
and make it "un-pipey."
Join us, please.
Your father tells us
you're a scholar of history.
Just a fan. I don't have, like,
a college degree or anything.
Pieces of paper are worthless.
Green ones.
It's what's in here
that counts.
What do your books
tell you of our people?
The Alguanqua?
Um, to summarize, I'd say
you had it pretty good...
until the new guys
started showin' up.
One cannot fight
a rising tide, huh?
Hmm.
But you did fight.
We lost.
Massacre of the Alguanqua,
Yes.
Sorry about that.
Soda?
- No, thank you. - The next time
we go to Pete's Pottery Barn,
let's see if we can get the...
that naked boy...
that's pissin'
in the pool.
You think
that's too much?
I should say something. I started
a petition against your casino.
Hasn't gone very far, but, um, I
just thought I should let you know.
I'm sure you'd build
a great casino.
I just think
we have different priorities.
I don't want it to be awkward
if we're gonna hang out socially.
We've heard of your petition.
You're a lonely warrior
in your town.
"At the launch of any great voyage,
there's always a single voice."
Ben Franklin said that.
I think.
"The buffalo who runs
against the herd...
arrives only at
his own demise."
Chief Crazy Horse said that.
Hmm. That's, uh...
I like that one.
Patriotville Historical Society.
We're here to bring the past to life.
Yeah, shut up, Karl Marx.
I heard red's your favorite color.
Man, you like Russia so much,
move to Canada! #
Move next to a goddamn igloo!
Say hi to Wayne Gretzky.
Oh, no. Why don't you
move to San Francisco?
Ooh, I bet they'd like
your pretty face there.
Finally your wig
wouldn't look so weird.
Did you see the paper? They're
capable of way more than I anticipated.
I know. Democracy
is not so nice.
I just feel like
maybe we're surrounded.
"Surrounded" sounds
too much like "surrender."
People are really pissed off.
Hey there, history man. How
'bout I come down there right now...
and we have our own
little Boston Tea Party.
'Cept we ain't in Boston,
and the party's gonna be...
me teabaggin' the shit out of your pretty
little ass for about an hour and a half...
till you see the merits of
building a casino in this town.
# All those lives
headstones, computer drives #
These people are really mad.
Let's just go into hiding.
Hmm?
Let's just drive north
and just keep on driving.
That does sound
pretty good.
But... But... But, no.
No, we start running, there's
no telling where we stop.
This is it. This is
where we make our stand.
Right here.
Right now.
We just weren't thinking big enough.
We gotta get this thing out there.
Gotta get it out in the open where everyone can
see it. Right where the mayor doesn't want it.
That's the answer.
That's it.
She's getting you into a war
with the whole town.
Words to live by, my friend:
Never trust a virgin.
What? What does that
mean? What's not to trust?
And... And make no mistake, man,
I'm getting myself into this.
Smells blue cheese
to me, dude.
What's the worst
that can happen, huh?
The worst-case scenario.
Some fish, once you get 'em
on the hook, they're yours.
But other fish,
you gotta kinda wait 'em out...
till they can't fight
you no more.
Maybe it was one of them other
fish keyed your truck, Bob.
Hey. Hey.
- Hey. - How you doin'?
I was lookin' all over for you.
- I started the rally speech.
- That's awesome.
It's a good start.
Any more of them
damn rally posters in here?
Hell, no. Threw
out every one I saw.
Crackers.
Ding-dong.
What douche bags.
Over here. Got it.
You're the little sneak that's been
rogerin' my husband behind my back.
What?
Are you insane?
This was under the couch
I got for my wedding.
Yeah.
No, I'll take care of it.
Right.
Bye-bye.
So my son's
the town traitor.
I just wanted the town to vote
on it. Why is that so wrong?
You lost your job.
Mayor's orders.
What? I made that place what it is.
Well, Stover and the boys
are good folk.
They think if you drop this
baloney, maybe, just maybe,
they can talk the mayor into lettin' you manage
the history store that's in the new casino.
Oh.
A lot of folks are gonna be
going through that casino.
They're gonna wanna stop by and
get a little of that history.
Could be
a real opportunity.
It's just not what I believe in. Well,
maybe you could believe...
in it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, Dad, I
just don't think I have any fight left today.
That's my boy.
Great... father-son chat.
Hey, Vic?
What?
Could you come here for a
second? I'm sweeping, mopping.
You need me?
Yeah. I just...
Will you just do me a favor?
Yeah.
Will you just hold me
for a second?
I love you, man.
Thank you.
I love you too.
Thank you.
Chief Many Bulls.
Where the hell are you?
Behind you.
Christ!
Where's the chief? I am his
ears and his mouth today.
Your offer was like
beads and trinkets to my people.
Listen, Green Acres. I'm not
one of your bleach-blonde,
shit-for-brains,
hick-town housewives,
and this isn't
a seed store.
It's a casino.
A hundred thousand.
Times 10.
A million? Respect has a price.
That's ours.
Okay.
Can... Can you help me
get back to my car?
You kiddin'
me? One million dollars?
Look. It's worked out.
We found a collateral account
that backs up our school bonds.
Now, it's kinda supposed
to be untouchable. Shh.
But Stove's gonna work a deal
to lend us half a mil using that.
Not gonna be a problem
with that.
Yeah. And for the rest,
we put up the courthouse,
city hall
and the park.
Now, Stover's gonna lend us
another $400,000 off that.
Sure can.
And then with
that water repair money,
we get to six zeros.
Cleve, this is crazy.
We're supposed to pay a million
dollars that the town doesn't have...
to bribe a bunch of Indians
who might build a casino here?
We are the town council.
Our oath is to protect our town.
That's an important moral point.
But there's another point,
and it's even better, see.
It's not that they might build
this casino if we pay this cash.
They have to.
It's called the
"official locating agreement."
And once it's signed,
we got it by law.
Now, I've looked into it.
As long as we don't pay them
anything until it's signed,
there's zero risk.
Couldn't be sweeter.
You've done it, pal.
I hate fairs.
It's so crazy to think that
if you had taken my advice,
how different things would be, and
how much happier you'd be right now.
How about this? How about
just let's sit in silence?
- Well, I told you so.
- That is the farthest thing from helping.
Chief.
What an A-hole.
Dude.
It sucks because
she's so...
She is so. Indeed.
Seduction...
equals survival
for her.
You know, and it's...
it's textbook F.U.F.
F.U. F?
What is that?
Fucked-up Father.
Shit.
Right.
Dude, it's vengeful,
slutty behavior with old dudes.
Yeah. You know, it's just...
it's clear that she's just
trying to get back at the old man.
FUFs.
What's sad about it
is that you truly, truly...
believed that
she was falling for you.
It's kind of...
You're kind of an A-hole...
for that.
Damaged goods,
my friend.
Get ya every time.
Don't try to fix that shit
either, dude, 'cause it...
it is broken.
Maybe she needs someone
to believe in her.
You know? I mean, isn't that what
happens with those damaged girls?
They don't have anyone...
Oh... No, that's true.
You know, F.U.F.'s are in constant
need of new saviors to crucify.
So, yeah.
You're perfect for that.
Oh! Looks like
someone's early.
Who is that?
Tracy...
Katie...
Shit.
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Nice to meet you.
Hey, Digger. Who's your
friend? What's her name?
Gorgeous.
In vino veritas.
That's Latin.
"In wine there is truth."
It goes double for whiskey.
Chief, we just have
one condition for this whole thing.
We set the conditions.
Not you.
All we're asking for is a signed location
agreement before any money changes hands.
What you ask
is not easy.
Excuse me.
No agreement, no money.
There's one more
signature we need.
Which is, may I ask?
Mind if I join?
It's funny...
what you can learn when you
just watch things enough.
You know, I've been watching a
lot of things around this town.
A lot of things.
It's crazy what people will do
when they smell money coming.
It's like they lose
all sense of themselves.
All sense of what's right...
and what's wrong.
You wanna know what I learned
when I was watching you?
And you?
Yes.
This deal is as clean
as a dog's balls.
Wait, is that
a good thing?
You have our signature.
Deal's done.
You're gettin' a casino.
Hey!
Hey, we're never gonna die!
You're crazy!
You're crazy!
Throw the children in
the fire!
Yeah!
Patriotville!
Isn't that the guy
from the newspaper?
Yeah, that's him.
That's the one.
- Hey, that's the guy doing
that petition thing, right? - Right, right.
- That's the asshole.
- He wants us to sign that damn petition...
Yeah, you know what?
Hey, you're gonna need
a car wash.
Come on, Tim.
Piss is gettin' all over me, man.
Why is it always the guy thinks
he's the smartest guy in the town...
who's the one
who's got some sort of...
dad who may or may not
have girl parts?
Looks like he's made
out of hot dog meat...
and works at some junk shop...
that he thinks is
some sort of a...
Timmy, name a museum.
Smithsonian.
Yeah, "Smithonian."
Let me ask you something,
'cause I really want to know.
Do you think
that you'll ever do anything...
anything worth
puttin' in a museum?
- I don't know.
- Yeah? You don't know.
Come on, Timmy.
You know, one day,
with any luck,
you'll be like me.
I kept a blind eye
for years.
I guess I was afraid.
I want you to give this
to that boy.
That ain't
'cause I like you,
'cause I don't.
That's for me.
I'm so sorry...
it has to
be this way.
I'm sorry.
Oh, shit.
Come down, you pussy!
We're gonna get a casino in here.
We're gonna put it on your battlefield.
Do you think that you will
ever do anything...
anything worth
puttin' in a museum?
How much longer
do you think you're gonna be?
Probably as
long... as long as possible.
Help me find Chase.
Please.
We had a misunderstanding.
I'm worried.
Let me... Let me see what I can do.
I'm kinda in the middle of somethin'.
But, um, could you just, like,
walk around the block?
Please?
Awesome.
Well, there's his car.
Jesus.
Finally.
What's he doin' here?
Dude, you left your lights on. Chase!
Dude!
What are you doin'?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What's he doing up there?
Dude! What are you doin'? Get down!
Chase!
Dude, if he falls off,
you know this is all your fault.
He isn't gonna fall, you
idiot! He's gonna jump.
Well, then say something
to stop him.
Don't jump!
That's it? Really?
That's what you came up with?
I'm not good under pressure.
I'll field this one.
Chase!
What's up, man?
It's Digs.
Hey, dude.
No one's ever jumped from there.
You're not gonna do it.
Only an asshole...
would do something
that stupid.
- That's how you do it.
- Yeah, exactly.
A total asshole!
You're exactly right.
Thank you for confirming
my suspicions,
and everybody else's
in this town.
Chase, I'm sorry.
Uh, this isn't about you.
Though it is
a related factor, maybe.
Just walk down
like you always do, man.
I gave everything to this town,
and what did it get me?
Huh?
Please?
Too little too late.
Too much too soon!
Dude...
Come on. You got
nothing to prove by this.
Please, come down!
Come on, man!
Whoa.
Oh, dude.
Dude!
That was amazing!
I mean, you're a lunatic.
I lost my pants.
That was the stupidest thing I've
ever seen anyone do in my life.
I don't even know
if I should go look for 'em.
I hit my head
on a catfish, I think.
'Cause I didn't
remember anything after that.
I'm sorry I never
told you about the mayor.
But I did
come to a decision.
Oh, yeah?
No more married men.
Were...
Were there more?
Uh, there was
the principal of my high school.
My first... and third...
high school.
Wow. It's a...
It's a good thing
you didn't go to college.
Have you ever had
a real boyfriend?
No.
But...
I am an optimist.
# There may be #
# Truth #
# People understand
outside of you #
# While one is walking
one is running #
Oh, that was very...
- Very...
- Very...
- Very...
- American.
American.
It was, actually. It was
quintessential Americana.
God bless America.
Oh. Yeah.
It was a little European
maybe at one point. Yeah.
I could see that.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Um, Cleveland's wife came by
my place and dropped this off.
What is that?
"Rally donation."
Huh.
Maybe you got support
after all.
Maybe I do.
Cleve, this is crazy.
We're supposed to pay a million
dollars that the town doesn't have...
to bribe a bunch of Indians
who might build a casino here?
It's not that
they might build this casino...
if we pay them this cash.
It's that they have to.
It's called the "official
locating agreement." Holy shit.
As long as we don't pay them
anything until it's signed,
there's zero risk.
Could not be sweeter.
Do you know what this means?
Before it was just municipal stupidity
mixed with mild infringement of civil rights.
But...
this is
felonious corruption.
This is, uh,
history book shit.
Mmm, no.
Don't say it.
- The rally is back on!
- No. Enough.
What?
Do you know what it's been like
for me for the last couple of days?
I have people yelling at me in the
street. "Benedict Arnold." "Traitor."
Someone called me
a terrorist, okay?
I can't live like this. This is
my chance to prove I was right.
Please, please, bring this tape
to the courthouse tomorrow, okay?
No. You're doin' this
to get back at the mayor.
That's such...
What?
Are you joking? 'Cause
no. Maybe a little bit.
Yes, very perceptive. But I... I... I swear,
most of my intentions are purely noble.
Ninety-two percent.
It feels too dirty.
You holding that means that
we're in this together.
Okay? Th-That's symbolic.
Just bring the tape. I'll
take care of everything else.
Promise.
Trust me.
Rally.
Casino corruption revealed.
Thievery revealed.
Our leaders
are lying to us.
You will rise up
against the tyrannous.
Who will rise up with me?
5:00, at the courthouse.
Our leaders are lying.
Casino corruption.
Hello.
Who's this?
Oh, a friend. Really?
Yeah. Well, I think I know
all my friends already, so...
And how would you know
she has that?
Oh, you just know,
do you?
"F."
Hey. I thought we were straight on this.
Dad, they got the casino
by bribing, lying and stealing.
We have evidence. We have hard
evidence. You know what you have?
You have screwed your father.
That's what you have.
You deserved to be fired
from that battlefield job.
I'm the only one...
I run the battlefield.
I'll tell you what. I'm
gonna fire you too. All right?
You're not gonna live in the hotel.
You're not gonna work in the hotel.
You haven't paid me
in five years though.
You know what they're saying
about you? Hey?
They're saying you're a loser,
a real loser. A super loser.
That's a little harsh.
Jesus. I'm still your son.
I don't understand
how you could do this to me.
I'm not...
I... don't get you.
I just don't get you.
Hey, hey.
Where's Lucy?
She's not here.
It's almost 5:00.
It is f...
No idea, man.
Maybe you should just focus
on what you're doing.
I... I... Well, yeah. I need
her for what I'm doing though.
Man, you have got this
entire town really worked up.
Good.
Man, my parents
are freakin'.
Really? Everyone is freakin'.
Really?
Really.
Good.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry about that. Uh...
But now I got your attention. So
we're gonna get started in one minute.
In the meantime, we have, uh,
sodas and hot dogs...
that are compliments of the
Patriotville Historical Society.
Feel free
to get your hands on those.
Um... Okay. Screw the sodas!
We want news! Okay. Well, uh,
have a little bit of patience.
Uh, I do have information
coming very soon...
that you need to hear,
that has to do with illegal
corruption and dirty dealings...
and that's happening
right under our town's noses...
uh, the noses of our town.
So, if you'll just be
patient and bear with me... Okay.
If you don't have
what you said you have...
Just give me the tape,
and I'll give you
what you want.
You first.
Based on the American way. No.
Good citizens of Patriotville,
we are gathered here...
to talk about something
that we all believe in.
Money!
No, no, no.
Not... Not money. Actually, something
a little more important than money.
Something I like to call
America.
That's right. I said it.
We're here to talk today
about America.
Because in America
it's supposed to be...
that the government is here
to work for the people.
That's why we have
a democracy.
We vote! We all line
up and we vote on it.
No lies, no corruption, no backdoor
dealings, no backdoor handshakes.
Nothing inappropriate through
the back door!
In a minute,
I'm gonna play you a tape,
a tape that will
both shock and horrify you,
and yet will educate you...
Now give it to me.
...made by our town's leaders
behind closed doors.
As you will see, the
Patriotville battlefield expansion...
will vastly benefit
our community.
Show us the evidence!
Show us the
evidence! Show us the evidence!
The truth is... is flying
in on the wings of freedom.
And it will be here momentarily.
So I... I... I promise you.
Just eat some hot dogs and soda,
and I just...
We're supposed
to pay a million dollars...
that the town doesn't have
to bribe a bunch of Indians?
We want a casino!
We want a
casino! The truth is coming.
Just trust me. Take my word
for it. I've heard the tape.
I have all the faith in
the world that she's coming.
- Or the tape rather... By "she",
I mean the tape. - We want a casino!
Your father's address.
I always asked you
if you knew.
Why spoil a good thing?
What about
your boyfriend out there?
...include it if I had to
because I believe in its truth.
And I believe in its contents
so wholeheartedly,
that if it were legal,
I would commit myself...
in a sacred union of marriage
to the tape.
L... I gave you the battleship
of truth. Please don't leave.
Please. I promise it's coming.
Please, just stay... We have to stop
this corruption, this un-Americanism.
You... You all get a free tour
of the Patriotville battle...
Shit.
How'd it go?
How did it go? You saw how
it went. It went terrible.
It was probably
the worst-case scenario,
other than
outright assassination.
Shit.
Where is she?
Your rally ran into that
stampede I was telling you about.
You know it was never
about you guys, right?
He that is incapable of
imagining honor in an opponent...
is incapable
of honor himself.
Thank you.
That's... That's very wise.
We've given you
a new name.
Oh. Yeah?
Chase With Plenty Horses.
Oh. What's...
What's that mean?
It means we think
you will go far.
Not in this town, it seems.
Everybody's gotta be
from somewhere.
It's up to
you where you end up.
Hmm.
Thank you.
I was hitchhiking
to the rally.
Cleveland drove by.
Somehow he knew
about the tape.
He said he'd tell me where my
father was if I gave it to him.
I don't know
what to do now.
That's a scary envelope
to open.
I was staring at those plastic
toys floatin' in the water...
after the rally,
and something
kind of dawned on me.
This is all
my dad ever wanted.
You know, the new toys
in the pool, the...
sharp-lookin' Lodge,
plenty of customers.
This is his dream.
Lots of people like this
in this town.
Everyone's getting
exactly what they wanted.
I don't know. Maybe things were
just supposed to turn out this way.
How about you?
Maybe I don't
belong here anymore,
guarding some small town's
very minor-league history.
I've never met
anyone like you.
I never met anybody
like you either.
Not even close.
So, uh, when's construction
gonna begin, do you think?
Watch for our smoke signal.
Attaboy. I knew you guys had
a sense of humor somewhere.
Buffalo who runs against the herd
arrives only at his own demise.
You do yoga,
Chase from the Lodge?
Everybody's gotta be
from somewhere.
Yeah, I figured.
Hey! It's the people's army.
What are you
doin' here, Son?
Please tell me you didn't.
Didn't do what, Son?
You're not really getting
what you think you're getting.
Oh. And what would you know
about what we're gettin'?
I'm sorry, Dad.
What do you mean?
A.P.B.
Blue Cadillac convertible.
License unknown.
Full of Indians...
I think.
Guess what
we're doin' right now.
Sittin' on a Caddy.
Sittin' on my Caddy.
Isn't that crazy?
You bastard.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Man, you are gonna get
so much ass with this ride.
Yeah.
You're leavin', aren't ya?
How'd you guess?
I'm your best friend.
# Well, it makes no sense #
# To me #
# What I am supposed to be #
# We could be dancin'
in the dark #
# Free-fall #
# You take kindness to
the hole and it's gone #
# Sometimes #
# It's just like sayin' that
you want to get a sunburn #
# It's my turn #
# Good-bye, sir till you
meet me in the next life #
# It's high time #
# It's all mine Can't shake the
feeling I'll be back this time #
# If I return at all #
# I know you'll be there
just waitin' for me to fall #
Here are the keys
to the station wagon.
Oh, stop it.
You can maybe, uh, sell it.
Pay for the pool.
What do you want me to say?
Nothin'.
Well, I'm not gonna say it.
It's not in my character.
I'll see you later.
# Sometimes #
# It's just like sayin' that
you want to get a sunburn #
# It's my turn #
# Good-bye, sir till you
meet me in the next life #
# It's high time #
All right. You
might think this is where Chase...
is supposed to explain the
lessons he learned in the story.
But that would make this kind
of a fairy tale or something,
when maybe it was just about the summer
my buddy fell for an unusual girl...
and our town got taken
by some really fake Indians...
and some guy who wasn't as
official as everyone thought.
My lesson from all that?
Summer's awesome.
Chase used to say that...
"History is the cornerstone
of our nation's past."
I still don't quite understand
what he meant by that.
But maybe he was saying...
life is history
in the making.
And maybe we learn,
and maybe we don't.
But nothing ever
stays the same.
We just keep moving forward...
the best we know how.
Would you like perhaps to take
this opportunity to apologize...
to the citizens
of Patriotville?
Apologize to the citizens
of Patriotville? Mm-hmm.
No. I'd like to say, uh, Citizens
of Patriotville, you're welcome.
You're welcome for all
the hard work that we did.
And... And I'm sorry
for loving you so much.
I'm sorry for loving you
so damn much.
- There.
- Have you met any new friends?
Yeah. Made a lot of friends.
Uh, we got a lot of... a cast of
characters in here, I'll tell you what.
Uh, Pooh Bear. Um, Jellyfish. Ooh.
Um...
The Ombudsman.
The Ombudsman. Uh-huh.
What kind of activities do you two do?
Do you get to listen
to any music here?
Yes. I have discovered
the wonders of hip-hop.
Wonderful.
And, uh, it has... I don't know...
opened my mind a little bit.
One would say. Have you learned any...
any songs that I maybe would know?
Uh, mostly in here
it's just, uh, freestylin'.
The gentlemen inside will, uh...
Well, one will lay down a funky beat,
or, uh, something.
I feel it first.
Then I spit a side. But you start by
going, "Yo. Yo, yo." #
# My name is Cleve
I'm in jail #
# I wanna leave #
That's about it. Word up.
That's wonderful.
I really do
wanna leave.
# Thank you.
The time for change is here.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would just like to say...
# We could be
livin' in another time #
# The older state
was a state of mind #
# Look around
It's a brand-new day #
# Brand-new day
Brand-new day #
# They say that now is the future
and change has finally come #
# The new revolution
American dream #
# That's right #
# The next generation #
# They say that now is the future
and change has finally come #
# The new revolution
American dream Sweet dreams #
# The next generation #
Thank you.
Thank you.
Again, I... I sincerely
thank you. Please sit.
Now, some have
called me a hero.
But I am just a man.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it bears repeating.
# We could be livin'
in another time #
# The older state
was a state of mind #
# Look around
It's a brand-new day #
# Brand-new day
Brand-new day #
# They say that now is the future
and change has finally come #
# The new revolution
American dream #
# That's right #
# The next generation #
# They say that now is the future
and change has finally come #
# The new revolution
American dream Sweet dreams #
# The next generation #
What the "F"
are you talking about?
Love nuggets.
Mouth full
of nut sack, Cleveland.
I know... I know physically
what you're talking about.
Basically what we're describing
is it's a terrible situation.
I don't either.
What?
I don't either. Are you
answering a question?
Or are you referring to
something we just said? Yeah.
You said, "I don't either." Well, I
don't know what he's talking about.
Oh. Okay, so it was only
two questions ago.
Right.
Gotcha.
I think I know.
Well, why not, Stover?
What? What do you know?
I wouldn't like it.
If I could...
bottle you up...
all five of you...
Cut! Cut.