It would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
The sun begins to rise as I open up my eyes
And I've got to get together again
I don't know maybe when
But I've got to get together again
A dream can never last
in a world that's moving fast
But something's got to happen to me
I don't know what it would be
But something's got to happen to me
It would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
It would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
I knew the day I met ya
I just had to get ya
And never let you out of my sight
Stay beside you day and night
And never let you out of my sight
'Cause it would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
It would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
- Thank you very much.
- Pleasure.
- Mr Thompson?
- The very same.
I'm, er...
Jenny Bunn, the new lodger.
Oh, yes, yes. The new, er... yes.
Well, entrez.
You've timed your arrival rather well.
Supper'll be ready in a few minutes.
I'll show you to your room,
if you'd like to follow me.
- Oh, Anna.
- I won't be eating in tonight, Dick. Night.
That was Anna. Your fellow lodger.
Great fun, Anna. You'll like her.
- Mmm. She looked very nice.
- Ooh, she is.
She's very nice. Yes.
Yes.
It's a long haul.
Good for the figure, though.
- Thank you.
- Yes, right.
Now, this cupboard...
- Yes, this cupboard is all yours.
- Very nice.
And the chest of drawers.
- Over here.
- Oh.
The top two drawers are yours.
I'm afraid the wife rather likes to keep
the spare bedding in the, um...
- The lower ones?
- In the lower ones, exactly.
Yes, um, er...
You'll be wanting
to see the, er... geography.
That's the loo, and so on.
Er... if you ever...
Ooh, there is just one little thing.
Dick! I asked you to lay the table
ages ago! Supper is practically ready!
Just coming, poppet.
I'm just showing
Miss Bunn the geography.
I'm afraid we'll have to continue
our little briefing session later on.
- Dick! Come on! Where are you?
- Coming!
Move your arse!
You're supposed to be helping me!
A lot of bloody use you are,
I must say!
Miss Bunn!
Nourishment!
Coming.
Anna!
Anna?
Ah.
She's just gone out.
Has she?
- And you're the new lodger?
- Yes.
Miss Bunn!
We...
Oh, it's you, Patrick.
Anna's just left.
Yes, so Miss, um...
Oh, this is Jenny Bunn.
Patrick Standish.
Miss Bunn's a teacher.
- Albert Road Primary.
- Great.
Well, we're just about to eat.
Mustn't keep Miss Bunn from
her calorie intake, must we?
- Oh, I'll join you.
- Oh, there's just...
Don't worry, I've already eaten.
Well, you won't mind watching
us at the trough, then.
Er... Miss Bunn, would you like to...
I hope you're satisfied.
The fish is dry as a bone.
Not guilty, Your Honour.
No, young Patrick here is the culprit.
- He's been chatting up our, er...
- Oh, hello there, stranger.
- I'm afraid Anna's gone out...
- Martha, my angel, you're looking
- sexier than ever.
- Thanks. You too.
Well, I'm afraid, er...
young Patrick's manly charms
have rather made Martha
forget the common courtesies.
You found us all right, then?
Thompson, you forgot the cruet!
Cruet.
Sit down anywhere you like, love.
My old man made a pass at you yet?
Not to worry. He will.
Just give him a kick in the crutch.
Want some fish, Paddy?
You might as well have Anna's.
Oh, no, thanks.
No, really, I've, um...
I've eaten.
Cross my heart.
It's all so terrible here.
What's the joke, then, dear?
- Anything we can all share?
- Oh. No, nothing.
What do you do, Mr Standish?
Oh, my name's Patrick, actually.
I teach as well.
Oh, whence the
unaccustomed modesty, young Patrick?
Our Mr Standish is a distinguished moulder
of young minds at our technical college.
"Our technical college"? Anyone would
think he was the Minister of Education
instead of a crummy town councillor.
Some people fail to grasp
the importance of local government.
And what are your politics, Miss Bunn?
Um...
Well, my dad's always been Labour.
Splendid!
Then we can count on your support
at the coming elections.
I'm afraid I've never voted.
You're a born loser, Thompson.
What do you teach?
Oh, er... graphics
Lettering, design,
television advertising,
films, credits.
- That sort of thing.
- Oh.
- I'll make the tea.
- I'll get it.
You could have taught
in a school up north.
What made you come
to a dump like this?
- Well, it's not Buckingham Palace, but it's...
- All right, my darling.
I didn't mean a dump like this!
Well, a dump like this.
This town, you mean?
Mmm.
Well?
Trouble with t'folks?
Is that your idea
of a northern accent?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Only I thought maybe we could have had
dinner together one night alone,
away from cod and...
councillor.
Out of the question, I suppose?
Aye aye.
Speedy Gonzales strikes again.
Oh, I think I'll skip the tea.
It's, um...
Well, it's my first night back
and I've got a lot to do, and things.
Say good night to
Dick for me, will you?
Bye.
- Hello.
- Hello.
How about that dinner
that was out of the question?
Still is.
Why?
I don't date other girls' boys.
Anna?
Do me a favour!
You know, this may...
well, sound like a bit of a line,
but I've been waiting for years
for something like you to happen.
Thank you, kind sir.
There you go.
You birds have had the same line
shot at you for so long,
that when some poor twit
comes along and tells you the truth...
Oh, you say it nice.
I'll give you that.
Um...
- Would you like another one of those?
- No, thank you. I'm half tipsy already.
Lovely.
Um...
Um... that will be all right.
I'll, um...
get your coat, shall I?
Mmm.
- Thank you.
- Bye.
Bye.
- This the one?
- Yes, that's it.
Thanks.
Oh, no.
What the hell are they doing here?
Well, well, well.
Patrick and Jenny.
Just good friends, I take it?
- Hello.
- Small world.
Yes, too bloody small.
Your table is ready, sir.
Right, thank you.
You will stay to join us for a little libation
ere you depart, eh, Jenny?
Oh, you're not going to buy us
a drink, are you, Thompson?
Because if you are, we'll have one.
Oh...
- This way.
- The boy's on form again.
- Right, here we go.
- Now, if you'd like to...
You go in there, my dear.
Now, what'll it be for everybody?
- Excuse me, do you mind if I take this chair?
- Same again for us.
A couple of postprandials for this comedian
and his young lady companion.
Somebody else must be paying for this.
Somebody else is.
Here he is. Here's Julian now.
He's a grand chap.
You'll love him. I guarantee that.
- Who is he?
- A fellow traveller.
- He's helping Dick with his election campaign.
- And buying you dinner, it seems.
He must be an eccentric millionaire.
Ah, Julian.
I'd like you to meet two friends of mine.
- Patrick Standish.
- How do you do?
- Jenny... Jenny Bunn.
- What lovely friends you have.
Yes, well, I think I'd better ask
for some more places.
I hadn't gathered there'd be
quite so many of us.
Oh, they're dashing off.
They have another engagement,
as it were.
Oh, that's sad.
That's more than sad.
You'll have a drink, though,
won't you, Miss Bunn?
Oh, no, nothing, thank you.
I've had too much already.
- Have you indeed?
- Mmm.
Well, yes, um...
Yes, I think you're right,
we'd better... dash.
Come round the back if you're late.
We bolt the front door after eleven.
Well, ciao.
And, hello.
Goodbye,
comrades.
- This isn't where I live.
- No, it's where I live.
I thought you...
you might like a cup of coffee.
Oh.
Why didn't you think to ask me
if that's what I'd like?
Because I also thought
you mightn't know your own mind.
I always know my own mind.
Hmm.
One cup.
Okay.
- It's very... unusual.
- Yes, it is.
Isn't it?
Lots of records.
Oh, yes, lots of...
records.
Frank Sinatra,
and all sorts of other...
people.
About that coffee...
Jenny...
I meant what I said.
You are a very pretty girl.
Jenny.
Jenny...
About that coffee you promised...
Pretty girl's coffee's in there.
Such a pretty girl.
Aren't you, hmm?
Pretty girl.
Jenny is...
a pretty girl.
Jenny?
Hmm?
Jenny...
Oh, Jenny...
That hurt.
It were meant to and all!
But why? All I did was...
I didn't think you were like that.
I really didn't.
Like what, for God's sake?
I want to go home, please.
Jenny...
I don't want you to go home.
I want you to stay.
Please.
I'll be good.
Promise.
Now, how about some...
coffee?
Mmm. I like that
Mm.
Jenny...
Please.
No.
Didn't say you had to
stop kissing me, though.
I said no.
And I meant no.
Jenny...
I promise you.
I will stop...
when you say stop, and I...
I won't go any further.
I promise you, I will stop.
Well, I'm saying it now.
Stop.
But why there?
'Cause there's where I know
I can still say "stop".
You mean,
a little bit further...
and you might say "yes"?
I don't know.
You don't know?
You mean...
nobody's ev...
A virgin?
You?
Yes.
Me.
There's a few of us left.
You look quite shocked.
I... I am.
I'm... I am shocked.
I mean...
Well, I don't understand it.
You see, you, we...
You don't look like a virgin.
Think I ought to wear
a badge or something?
Oh, don't joke about it.
You shouldn't joke about it.
You're having me on.
I'm not, you know.
No.
Tell me, um...
haven't they ever heard
about the Pill up north?
Yes, they have.
They make you fat.
But it's nothing to do with that.
It's just me.
Me.
Yes, it's you.
And I'll tell you something.
You like kissing.
Or if you don't,
you put up a bloody good pretence.
And...
just when I'm crazy for it.
I'm not "it".
I'm me.
Ah.
Well, that's just it, you see.
I know that you will like it.
I know you'd like it.
Oh, I know.
I know that.
Well, if you know that, then...
Then why?
Hmm?
Maybe I believe in love.
You mean...
a preacher and ring,
and all that jazz?
Maybe.
Jenny, I'm going to
tell you something.
Nobody cares about virginity any more.
And when Mr Right comes riding along,
he won't care either.
He probably won't.
I know. I know that.
Well, if you know that,
then why the hell...
Why the hell, Jenny?
It's all I've got...
to give.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Come on, it's getting late.
I'll drive you home.
Friends?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're...
friends.
Are you going to the canteen, then?
No.
Lunch is on me.
Oh. Thank you very much.
By the way, lend me a fiver.
I'm broke.
No wonder you're always broke
with what they charge in here.
Was she worth it?
What do you think?
It's going to be
a bit awkward, isn't it?
Both under the same roof.
I mean, what are you
going to do about Anna?
Yeah, well, she was
last term, wasn't she?
Who's looking after the college?
Oh, the students have taken it over.
- Graham, I would like you to meet...
- Yes, we've met.
Ricard for me, Charles,
and the same again.
So, are you coming along to
the Thompson rally tonight?
Oh, I suppose so.
You?
Oh, I vote for him,
that's enough. Isn't it?
Thank you.
So, tell me, how was that lady
I saw you with last night?
Oh, that, um...
lady you saw me with last night...
It was a most successful evening.
She was fine. She was fine.
Yes, she was fine.
T-A.
That's what it's all about.
Tits and arse, in the words of
the immortal Lenny Bruce.
Exactly.
Amen!
- I'm afraid I don't agree.
- No, well, you wouldn't.
Those that can, do.
Those that can't, disagree.
And it's not your hopeless lechery
you're worried about,
it's your, um...
it's your moral hang-up.
Oh, I'm randy enough.
I'm exceptionally randy.
Aren't I?
Oh, yes, he's randy.
If I could pick and choose
like you two...
That's just the point.
If you're really keen on it,
choosing doesn't enter into it.
- Right, just as long as they say yes.
- Oh, no, I cannae believe that.
Oh, you wouldn't.
Love's what you're after. We're not.
Not even as an ideal?
Ideals? Please!
What one wants is lots and lots
of lovely sex for ever.
- Eh, Patrick?
- Yeah, sure.
Well, more or less.
More or less?
Of course that's what one wants.
Yeah, but one can't keep on
just banging away for ever.
- Why not?
- Surely one reaches a point when...
When what, old sport?
Who says one reaches a point?
I don't actually mean point.
What I mean is that...
When deeper things
should be taken into consideration.
I said nothing...
I said nothing of the sort.
Well, you didn't exactly say it,
old sport. But I'm beginning to suss
that the madly havable Miss Bunn
could be rather dangerous.
Jenny Bunn?
Well, we've
just time for one more round.
Yeah, well, why don't you buy it?
It's just up there.
What makes you think that Jenny Bunn
can be dangerous?
Look, old sport,
she may be a great lay,
but the Jenny Bunns of this world
are not for us.
Watch out,
or she'll have you into a church.
Or registry office.
Listen,
Patrick Standish has no intentions of
marrying Jenny Bunn or anybody else.
Of course you've no intention.
It's got nothing to do with intention.
We do lots of things
without intending.
The trouble is, Patrick,
we men like to think that the new
sexual emancipation is our secret weapon,
but the Jenny Bunns of this world
know the truth.
It's theirs.
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!
That's all they think about
these days.
Oh, how I hate Sundays.
- I've made some coffee if anybody wants it.
- Mmm. please.
I wonder what's happened to Patrick.
You what?
I said, I'm surprised we haven't seen
more of Patrick these last few days.
Does he often pop in, then?
He used to.
We canvassing this morning?
On, no.
No point till the pubs close.
The new party slogan!
Don't worry about Martha.
It's her age, you know.
Er, Jenny...
I know you'll think
I'm an interfering old fool,
but while we're on
the subject of Patrick...
- Patrick?
- Patrick?
Huh! He's a real drag, that one.
A real drag.
Now, Anna, we all know about
hell hathing no fury and so on,
but in very many respects,
Patrick Standish
is a very worthwhile human being.
He's totally incapable of forming
a meaningful adult relationship,
and I should know.
I'll get it.
Don't blow your cool
over Patrick Standish, baby.
It's always a groovy dinner,
the first time.
The full scene.
After that it's a little boozer
and into bed, hmm?
The troops are out in force!
Oh, hi. We were just wondering about
canvassing and things like that and, er...
Talk of the devil.
Not on an empty stomach, please.
- Hello, Jenny.
- Hello.
Well, we were just wondering
about canvassing and... and things.
And I said to Graham,
well, the silly bastard's going to lose
unless somebody presentable
goes out and tells people that he's not...
not as wet as he looks.
He's on form.
The lad's on form!
It would be a help,
actually, if you'd like to...
You're on,
but not until the pubs close, okay?
Well, I'll get myself together, then.
Yeah, you do that.
You coming, then, Jenny?
No, thanks.
I've got to wash my hair.
- Hello, Graham.
- Hello.
Jenny.
Look, I...
I came round here
specially to see you.
Look,
all that stuff between
Anna and I, well...
well, it's all over.
It's just that it takes a long time
for the penny to drop with her, that's all.
That's not the impression she gave me.
Well, it's true.
Look, I tell you what,
you say the word, and...
and I'll strangle her.
No.
No, she'd probably think I care.
I've got an idea.
Let's you and I get in the car.
Hmm?
Before Anna has a chance
to grab the front seat.
Graham?
Coming.
Here, wait for me!
Come on, come on.
Well, the smart set seems to be
out in force, don't they?
- Let's move on.
- Oh, but I want to go here.
I've never been here before.
All right.
I tell you what, you and Graham
go and find a table somewhere,
and I'll try and park the car,
all right?
Thank you, God, for a lovely day.
We've done it.
- What?
- We've ditched them.
- I know this little boozer down the road.
- Oh, no.
Besides, we can't do that.
But this is a godsend.
We can be alone.
Oh, it wouldn't be fair.
- But don't you want to get rid of them?
- That doesn't make any difference.
Besides, you can't
use people like that.
- No?
- No.
Anyway, I'd feel rotten.
Wouldn't you?
You're right, of course.
That's fixed them.
Patrick!
Oh, there you are.
Look.
Can't even breathe in there,
let alone drink.
We're all going back to my house
for a lovely lunch
with bottles and bottles of wine.
Who is this guy? He's beautiful.
Hello, there.
Oh, er, forgive. This is
Jenny Bunn and Patrick Standish.
- And this is Wendy.
- Hello there.
Hello.
Looks like it's going
to be a groovy Sunday.
Oh, Anna, you know what
Martha's like about meals.
Oh, well, call her if you're worried.
I couldn't care less.
All right.
Can I have sixpence?
Haven't I seen you before somewhere?
It's possible.
Wendy's on telly, Graham.
She gives away
the prizes on Honeymoney.
Of course. Well, I must say,
in the flesh you're even more attractive.
So they tell me.
I think it might be better if Wendy
went in your car, Patrick.
- Okay.
- She more or less knows the way.
I'll go with Ormerod.
All right?
Yes. All right.
There was a lot of "oh, it's all ready to
dish up" and that, you know. But, um...
Oh, um...
Julian thought it would be
a good idea if Wendy came along
because she, um...
sort of knows the way and that.
Oh.
If you'd like to jump in the back
with Anna, I'll be able...
No, no, no, it's all right.
I'll go with Julian.
I'll come with you, Julian.
Smashing car.
Oh, could we have the hood up, please?
It's my hair, you know?
Yes, of course.
Anna,
I'm not trying to use you, darling,
but would you mind getting off
your arse and giving me a hand?
Bloody women.
Knock it down.
Knock it down there.
It's so big.
Well, biggish.
Wow.
In here, loves.
I'll just put on some music.
Some ice,
and, er...
feel out the food situation.
It's enormous!
Well...
Does he live here all alone,
do you think?
I gather there's usually
a couple of Portuguese, I think.
No, no, no. I mean,
does he live here on his own?
I mean, you'd think
with a house this big,
he'd be married or something.
I dinnae imagine he goes short of
company when he feels the need of it.
They're taking a long time.
Well, we got here very quickly.
Mm. Even so, they're a long time.
Er... Jenny, there was, er...
something I...
Yes, Graham?
Well, I was wondering whether...
maybe you'd, erm, consider...
going out with me
one evening next week?
Well, would you?
It's very nice of you, Graham.
Um... can we, um...
Can we leave it open?
Er... I really didn't expect you
to say yes.
We should have
turned left at the church after all.
Yes, we should.
I'd better back up.
Can't you go into that field and turn?
Yes, that's a good idea.
Will you get out and see
I don't fall into a ditch, darling?
Oh, Christ!
There's no call for vulgarity.
Come on.
Signal!
You're not cross with me,
are you, darling?
No.
No, no.
Wendy...
Stop it, Wendy.
How can you be sure
they haven't had an accident?
Because it's so much more likely
to be Wendy's fault.
She thinks it's madly sexy to be
hopeless about anything practical.
Yes, yes, yes.
But, look,
if the Civil Aviation people
have decided to have
their new airport here,
then Dick Thompson isn't going to
make them change their minds.
Perhaps not.
But there is an alternative site.
He might just swing it.
Seeing as he's the only
socialist on the council,
I'd have thought you'd have been better off
to have had the Tories on your side.
Maybe so. But I'm an idealist.
I mean, you know.
Ah.
I told you there was no need to panic.
Hello.
Groovy!
Oh, I'm sorry, we got lost and, er...
Wendy, um...
no, that's not very gallant, is it?
Only we turned left instead
of turning right, and, um...
Hello.
Um, we got lost.
- Drinks?
- Yes, why not?
Oh, I'll get it for you, darling.
Rescue me.
Drop dead, "darling".
- What'll it be?
- Oh, anything.
Me too. A great big one, please.
Time we all ate something.
Now, which one of you top super girls
is willing to, um...
Yes.
Me.
There's very little to do. A salad.
A salad? Oh, I learned how to
make a trippy salad dressing in Marrakesh.
Ideally you need some kif.
- Fresh out.
- Drag.
We'll give you a yell when it's ready.
It must be very interesting,
working in the mass media.
And not entirely unremunerative,
I would imagine.
Definitely.
Wow.
This is some pad, hmm?
It's all coming down.
- Is it?
- They're going to build a new airport.
Are they?
They say there's a very interesting
shell grotto in the grounds.
Ormerod said it's almost unique.
Oh, well, um... why don't you
go and have a look at it?
Well, I thought we might
all have a look at it.
After lunch.
I think I'll have a look at it now.
You're an awful man.
Oh, um...
Julian sent me for the corkscrew.
Have you found it?
You're sick.
He's not all that good in bed, anyway.
Is he?
Oh, go to hell!
Hey, maybe we'd do better
trying to make it with chicks.
- Ever think of that?
- Don't be disgusting.
If sex is dirty, the fault
lies with the manufacturer.
That sounds vaguely familiar.
Anna, go try and round up
the others, will you?
Well, I'll try.
Would it be all right
if I went home now?
Now?
Well, I don't want to spoil
your party and all, you understand?
No, not really.
Patrick?
Tears? Hmm.
He must be quite a lad. We must have
a talk about him one of these days.
Don't you...
don't you care about Wendy?
Care?
Wendy?
Well, that's not... not really
what she's, you know, for.
I mean, is it?
Ah, Ormerod here. A cab, please.
- But isn't she...
- Into town.
On the account.
Thank you.
Hmm?
Isn't she your, um...
mistress?
Oh, no.
No, not really.
Well, I mean...
Oh, we have it off once in a while.
She likes it.
I like it.
But caring doesn't really sort of
come into it, you know.
And is that all sex means to you?
Bit of fun?
I suppose you find that
a rather appalling attitude.
Well...
Better than Patrick's.
Well, she's welcome to him.
There's no need to be noble.
Wendy's got a rehearsal
this afternoon.
She'll barely have time for lunch.
You've got digs at
the Thompsons', haven't you?
- Mmm.
- Then you must have met Pat Standish.
Hmm?
You haven't?
Old Sexy must be slipping up.
Old Sexy?
He's the last of
the professional bachelors.
He'll turn up.
Watch it.
Thanks for the tip.
Aha!
Hello, Dick.
I didn't hear you come in.
Good.
I didn't want to disturb, er...
old, er... thing upstairs.
Bad press up there.
Oh, can't do anything right.
What's that you're drinking?
Cocoa.
Cocoa...
Oh, well...
I haven't been drinking bloody cocoa.
The way he pours them out.
Not, er... singles.
Not pub singles.
Not even doubles.
Bloody great trebles.
Who's "he"?
Who's who?
The man who gave you all that drink.
Ah, I'm with you.
Julian.
Mr Ormerod.
He's a socialist, you know.
Just because a chap has got money
doesn't mean to say
that he can't be...
a socialist.
Well, I'm off to bed.
Yes, me and all. Christ!
Here, let me help you.
Whoa-hoo!
Oh. Oh, Jenny.
Oh, beautiful little Jenny.
Come on, now.
Don't treat me like a bloody child.
I know I'm drunk,
but I'm still a human being,
entitled to consideration and respect.
Of course you are. Now...
I will not be humoured.
Now, Jenny, Jenny.
I want you to give me...
a kiss.
One kiss, freely given,
and accepted with gratitude.
But... but not humbly,
because I am a human being
and I am entitled
to consideration and respect.
- Good night.
- Oh, no, you bloody don't.
I've kept my hands off you
all these weeks
- and I'm fed up with it.
- Please, Dick!
- Ssh!
- I don't see why these young bast...
- Now be a good lad.
- Don't give me all that "good lad" guff.
- I know how to please a woman.
- You're drunk!
Now cut it out!
Ow!
Well, well.
Here we are, then.
- She's ruined me.
- You can't ruin a ruin.
Bed!
New Statesman.
Chop chop.
There's a good boy.
Next time,
pick somebody your own size.
- He only tried to rape me.
- Oh, rape!
He's just a dirty old man, dear.
If you'd said yes,
he'd have run a mile.
Yes.
Do you know what it's like
to be married to Dick?
I mean, actually married to him?
Well, it's a joke, really.
Rape?
Do you know when we last did it?
Oh, surely that's not the only thing in life.
That's what you're thinking.
People must cope.
Well, I'm coping.
- I'll find somewhere else at the weekend.
- Don't bother, dear.
I'll pay a month's rent, of course.
Don't be silly. You mustn't
throw your money around like that.
- No, I can't stay, not after what's happened.
- Nothing's happened.
Dick will have forgotten all about it
in the morning.
Or at least he'll pretend he has.
He won't try it again.
So you forget all about it too, eh?
Just trot upstairs to bed.
All right?
I urge you to vote for Dick Thompson.
A man with young ideas.
Vote for a man with a conscience.
Vote Thompson,
the candidate you can trust.
Ladies and gentlemen,
vote for a man with a mind of his own.
- Can I have your number, please?
- It's meant to be a secret ballot, ain't it?
- Yes, but...
- We only want your number.
It won't tell us how you voted.
Well, how do I know
you don't go back in there
and find out who ain't voted?
And then use their number
to put your own candidate in?
Don't be absurd.
This lady represents the socialists,
and I am a Conservative Party helper.
Now, you see, it's purely a matter
of checking up all the numbers
so we can find out at the end of
the day who hasn't voted.
- She's Labour, is she?
- Yes.
Well, I'll give it to her, then.
6-8-3-2.
6-8-3-2.
Well, don't tell her!
Erm...
I was wondering if,
when you've finished the voting,
you'd like to come out
and have something to eat.
No, thank you.
It's through there, the voting.
Look, Jenny, I know I behaved
very badly on Sunday.
Unforgivably badly.
- And I'm not going to blame you...
- 3-7-4-1.
What?
3-7-4-1.
Thank you.
Will you go away?
I will when you've listened
to what I've got to say.
Er... 4-6-6-0 and 4-6-6-1
Thank you.
Look, I'm ashamed of myself.
Really ashamed of myself
I behaved like a pig.
I'm not interested.
- Oh, can I have your number, please?
- Certainly not!
Oh, thank you. 1-0-9-0.
1-0-9-0. Thank you.
Jenny?
Well, really!
All right, Mr Big Heart-throb.
You've had your fun.
Kiss and make up,
and everything's on again?
'Cause who could resist
Mr Teenage Idol?
Is that what you reckoned?
Well, you can bugger off!
Bravo, my dear.
Thank you. 2-6-1-2.
Though cowards flinch
and traitors sneer
We'll keep the red flag flying here
Speech! Speech!
Speech!
You've all heard enough speeches
from me in the last few days.
You can say that again.
Touch, touch.
Seriously, though.
In all seriousness, I would like to
say a heartfelt thank-you
to all those who've done their bit
towards achieving
this truly fantastic victory.
Hurray! Bravo!
In particular, I would like to
thank my wife Martha.
Hear, hear!
Martha literally carried me through
the final dramatic hours
of this campaign.
Let joy be unconfined!
I told you Dick Thompson
would make them change their minds.
Well, Miss Bunn, you do help
to improve the party image.
Oh!
I didn't think you were coming.
Well, I changed my mind, didn't I?
- ...must reappraise its policies.
- Yes, yes.
Must be flexible, you know.
Mind you, we mustn't
betray our principles, of course.
- No.
- Now, there is a very interesting...
- Excuse me a moment.
- Yes, but I...
What do you want?
- There is one thing more.
- What?
- He is dead.
- What?
That man you're waiting for.
That decent, handsome,
romantic, dashing fellow
that won't lay you
before you're married.
He's not around any more.
He had his head blown off in 1914.
- Oh, there's plenty of men who...
- Oh, yeah, who won't touch you.
Who respect you. Yes, there are.
Lots and lots. People like Graham.
Graham's much nicer than you are.
- Much nicer.
- I am not saying that he is not.
But there's one thing
you've got to face up to.
You dig bastards like me.
You know should go with thoughtful
people like Graham, but you don't.
You don't.
You are a bastard!
Yes, I am.
Yes.
Now get your coat.
All right, but only on my terms.
All right. Now get your coat.
All right.
Excuse me.
- Young lady's...
- Hmm?
A pamphlet for the young lady. I...
Down the road you fly
When love is young
And hearts are high
Girl, I tell you now
You're the only one
I ever got to love somehow
And I know now
It takes a lot of loving
To make the world go round
And it would take a lot of loving
A lot of loving
To make up for all the things
That are bringing me down
Jenny, listen.
Listen, it's a barrier your being
a virgin. Don't you see that?
Nobody believes
in virginity any more. Nobody.
Girl, without a doubt
You're the only one
I ever got to care about
And I know now
It takes a lot of loving
To make the world go round
And it would take a lot of loving
A lot of loving
To make up for all the things
That are bringing me down...
Phew.
The idea of virgin brides, Jenny,
went out with...
well, with going to bed with tarts.
It's like thinking that nice girls
shouldn't enjoy sex.
- Jenny.
- Hmm?
Oh, Jenny.
- No.
- Why?
- Because.
- Because why?
Just because. That's why.
Put the kettle on, love.
Dying for a cup of tea.
"Dying for a cup of tea."
She's killing me.
One will just have to
revise one's thinking.
- Don't you ever tell a lie?
- Constantly.
But we were talking about you,
old sport.
Oh.
Well, that's over.
It's finished.
She's had it, and I've had it.
I thought the whole point was
nobody'd had it.
Oh, well, it's all very fascinating.
Do you feel frightfully sort of...
thing about it all?
- No. No, I feel fine.
- So your weekend's free?
You can say that again.
Good.
You know, she's got
a will of iron, that girl.
There's an invisible line
in the middle of her thigh,
and above that it's
"whose turn is it to make the tea?"
Where is the virginal Miss Bunn today?
Oh, she's gone up north
for the weekend.
It's her mother's birthday
or something.
- What are we doing here?
- Have faith.
I was wondering, er...
I'll be right with you.
I was wondering if, er...
Any chance of Martha coming along?
Sure. It'll have to be at your
own expense, though, I'm afraid.
Martha's not in the budget.
Oh, yes... well, I'll, er... yes.
I'll er... yes, right.
Erm... ah, yes. Yes!
Well, one needs to have faith,
doesn't one, eh?
What is this? Some magical
mystery tour or something?
No, Dick's going on television tonight
to save my great big house.
- Big deal.
- No, only regional.
I needn't have bothered
to get dressed up, then.
Sorry, love.
This commercial television.
Very tatty, I must say.
Well, fairly tatty.
Ah!
- Don't forget to watch me.
- Hmm.
Tonight, we have in the studio
two prominent
and highly involved personalities
to argue the pros,
and indeed the cons.
On my right is
Councillor Dick Thompson,
who opposes the present site on rather
surprising grounds for a socialist.
And to oppose him,
Sir Gerald Culthorpe Jones,
the permanent architectural consultant
to the Airport Commission.
We in the Airport Commission
are philistine by nature.
I'm as keen as any man on earth
to have our countryside kept
for what it should be kept for:
that is for walking,
for recreation, for leisure,
for pleasure, for sporting activities.
- I'd like to make a point here...
- Yes.
Before we stray off
the straight and narrow, as it were,
we must... there are other factors
to be taken into account.
Over here.
Hello, darling.
Ooh, you've brought the lovely
Patrick with you. How super!
Yes, isn't it? Now get yourself
a drink, love, and shut up.
We're trying to watch this programme.
I realise, er...
the necessity of airports
for those involved
in air travel, particularly.
Yes, I think everyone does.
And, well...
I'm glad you admit that.
But in this particular case, I think that
over 70 per cent of the villagers
have in fact expressed
a desire to be rehoused
in... in modern rehousing.
Whereas Mr Ormerod
doesn't want to be rehoused.
Is that the basis of your argument?
I'm trying to look at it from
the architectural aspect of the, er...
Do you seriously prefer
that gimcrack Palladian pile
to a perfectly respectable and
well-mannered Queen Anne rectory?
Erm... well, it's 18th century...
well, it's more modern on the one hand.
It is a great deal bigger.
Well, old William Morris once wrote...
Yes, I think that
old William Morris would have
a great deal to say about the
Return From The Wars.
What? The what?
The 15th-century pub
which stands bang in the middle
of your proposed main runway.
- Then, of course, the 15th-century alms house...
- He's bloody smooth, isn't he?
The 17th-century wash-hand stand
which stands in the
place of honour in the town hall.
Yes, there is that. There is that.
But I mean, 14th century, 15th century,
I mean, it's a... there's a difference.
And yet you seriously propose...
He's making a bit of
a cock-up of it, isn't he?
Shall we just go away?
Might be kinder.
- Won't he mind?
- Probably.
But I really don't think I shall be
able to make the right sort of noises.
Then what are you proposing to do?
...in a perfectly normal way,
because I think
that that is the right socio-
economico grounds for doing that.
And what are
your qualifications for saying this?
Well, I was talking to
my wife last night, who, er...
And is she an expert on 18th-century
architecture, or any other architecture?
Well, she knows a great deal
more about it than I do.
Well, I think that's
obvious to us all.
Well, apparently,
there is this theory
that if this fluoride debate keeps up
the human race
will be sterile in twenty years.
- Yes.
- Did you say it was their house?
Hmm? Those two?
Well, it's Daddy's, really.
But he's had to go and live in
the West Indies for being so rich.
- Oh.
- Mmm.
Apparently,
these scientists in California
discovered that only
a third of the human brain
is being used at any one time.
Well, that's what they say.
Yes, well, I think that
man's intelligence
has completely outstripped
his capacity to be moral.
Anyway, you know, the whole thing
is going to come to a head.
Yes. Apparently it's got
something to do with atomic tests.
- Well, that's what I think.
- Yes.
- Drinkies?
- Nn-nn.
No more drinkies for you.
We don't want you falling asleep now,
do we, darling?
Mmmmm...
Mmmmm-mmm.
My strong...
Oh, what is it, darling?
What's the matter?
Nothing.
I'll be all right.
That's good.
But nothing's happening.
Don't you find me attractive?
- Hmm?
- Yes.
Yes, of course I do.
You'd never guess, would you?
You know, I must have been
more potted than I thought.
There's a sexpot like that
just begging for it and...
nothing.
Was she very put out?
Yes, she was a bit.
She asked me whether I was...
whether I was queer.
She would.
Wendy's got a very simple
view of human nature.
Yeah, but you know the funny thing
about it, I dug her.
I really dug her.
What do you think of that?
What do I think about that, old sport?
I think you're in dead schtuck.
You're hung up on
something you can't have.
Jenny? Do you mean Jenny?
Don't say I didn't warn you.
You couldn't have understood me.
I'm finished with Jenny Bunn!
Yes, so you say.
But the fact is, Jenny doesn't do it,
and now you don't either.
- I hope it's not catching.
- Yeah, but you...
All right. What do I do now?
Get Miss Bunn into bed.
What the hell do you think
I've been trying to do?
Ah, yes, but you've
been playing by her rules.
You must go to her and say,
"Will you or won't you?"
- Oh, I have.
- No, you haven't.
You've been saying
"Will you or won't you, please?"
Oh! What are you doing here?
Well, I came to meet you.
Oh, yeah?
Do you want a lift?
You are full of surprises.
Yes, well, er... a surprise a day
keeps the doctor away, doesn't it?
Julian's having...
he's having a wake on Saturday.
For the house.
He wants us to come.
So he lost his lovely old house, then?
How do you mean? Us?
Us.
What are we sitting here for?
Yeah, it's bloody silly, isn't it?
Well, it's your fault.
Yeah, okay.
Jenny, I want to ask you one question.
And I want you to think seriously
before you answer it.
Which is more important to you:
me, us or that virginity of yours?
Well, I can ask you the same question.
Which is more important:
me, us or sex?
But you and me is us.
Us making love is us.
Us having sex is us.
But, look, if I say yes...
If I say yes...
Well, then...
- What about after?
- Oh, sure it's a risk.
Yeah, it's a risk.
But it's a risk everybody has to take.
Don't you see that?
That's marvellous, that is.
You make it sound like one of those
"grab machines" in a penny arcade.
You may win a gold watch,
but even if you don't,
you'll get a few Smarties
and a plastic comb.
And why should I take that risk?
Why the hell should I?
Because if you don't, you won't know.
You'll never bloody know.
Oh, sure you'll get married,
and then you'll do it
in some hotel room in the Costa Brava
or wherever he bloody well takes you.
But you still won't bloody well know.
But if you say yes,
then I'll be giving, Jenny.
Giving for giving's sake.
Risks, sure. Uninsured, uncovered,
no perks, no money back if dissatisfied,
just you and I alone, in bed,
making it.
But it's me that'll be risking
everything, Patrick, not you.
No, you're wrong again.
I'm at risk too, I risk...
well, sex for the fun of it,
all the birds I might have had.
- No, it's not the same.
- Yes, it is.
You're safe behind
that virginity of yours
in exactly the same way as I'm...
I'm safe in my world
of dollies and birds, into bed and
out of bed, and Bob's your uncle.
But if it works,
if it really works,
then it'll be over for me, too.
All right, then.
All right.
When?
Now?
Now?
Now.
Hang on.
No go.
Graham's upstairs watching Come Dancing
on television or something.
Oh.
A hotel.
Mr and Mrs Smith.
No loot.
I'm skint, too.
I know. Harry will cash me a cheque.
Harry, can you do me a favour?
I need some cash.
I'm sorry, Mr Standish,
the till's made up.
Won't she take a cheque, then?
Um...
He's, er...
He's made up the till.
- Oh.
- Mm.
What now, then?
We're behaving like
a couple of kids, aren't we?
I tell you what.
Saturday, my place, two o'clock.
I'll get rid of Graham
even if I have to kill him,
and then we'll have
all the time in the world.
- The whole afternoon. And after that...
- Yes, yes, anything.
Anything you say, only
please don't talk about it.
Right.
- Never?
- Yup.
- Consummatum est?
- Not yet.
- Oh, I see. When?
- Saturday.
We'll try and make your bash later.
- Yes, well, do try.
- I will.
Well, it will be the last day
in the old home.
If we can't,
um... I'll send you
a signed testimonial.
Hang on. Hold that tiger!
- It can stay till Monday. Sorry.
- It's okay.
- But do try and come.
- Yes, well, um...
Well, sort of aprs-ski.
Promise.
- I am not coming!
- You've got to come!
I am not going to be seen in public
with you or bloody Julian Ormerod!
I am not!
He's a phoney!
I've had enough of it.
Oh, shut up!
Stop screaming at me!
- What a shout-up! No Patrick?
- He said he'd be along later.
It's 11:35.
We've been asked for 12.
Do you think they'll be long?
- I am going places.
- Oh, the sooner the better, mate.
- How dare you!
- We ought to go.
Well, I'll try again. They sound like
they're getting tired. Hang on.
Tell them I'm leaving soon
whether they're ready or not.
Hello, Jenny!
- Hello, love.
- You look ready, at least.
I'm not coming, actually.
Oh?
You too?
- Neither is Patrick.
- Oh. Isn't he?
Oh.
Well, I suppose I...
Yes, I suppose I could
come for a while.
Mmm.
- I could do with a drink.
- You're a disgrace.
I want nothing to do with you. Piss off!
Dick's coming. Martha isn't.
Well, that's something settled.
Let me make you
Into somebody's somebody
'Cause without me, baby
You're nobody's nobody
I'm coming on strong
Just watch me move
I'm tagging along
I've got to, got to prove
That I can make you
Somebody's...
- Drinks?
- Oooh.
- It's awfully sort of thing, isn't it?
- Yes, ghastly.
Ah, here we are.
- Hey, Julian.
- Hello!
- There's masses of food in the garden.
- Oh. Yes.
- Hello.
- Hello
Ah, well, going down in style, I see.
Yes.
Sorry I wasn't able to do anything
to stem the tide of progress,
but you know once these
planning johnnies get going...
- Don't give it another thought, Dick.
- Well, this will go down a fair treat.
Oh, there's masses.
Excuse me.
Jolly nice to see you, Jenny.
I thought you weren't coming.
I wasn't, but...
- Well, iechyd da.
- Chin-chin.
Ah, more people.
Hello!
Hello! Hello!
- Super to see you.
- Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Just sit down, girl
You might as well
I'm into my thing
I'm sure not everybody will tell
That you're somebody's somebody
I told you
Dick Thompson couldn't pull it off.
On the contrary, he was invaluable.
Ah...
Julian. Graham.
Er... Graham, be a good chap
and leave us alone for
a couple of seconds, will you?
- A few words.
- Of course, old sport.
Julian...
um...
I was wondering whether, er...
you'd had a chance
to have had a few words yet.
With who, love?
Well, er...
your friends in high places.
Well... no, actually.
Oh, well.
Haven't had time, I expect.
No, again, I'm afraid.
I took it for granted that
you understood that...
Look, it's frightfully important
in politics today.
Must come across on the box.
Oh, yes. Yes.
So... you're not going to...
push me, then?
Well, I say "push",
it's just that I...
I have told one or two people
you sort of were.
Well, that was very rash
of you, wasn't it?
And that's another reason for not.
Politicians are meant to be discreet,
you know?
- Hi, Julilan.
- Hello.
Remember me?
I... I didn't mention your name.
Thanks, Julian.
Got to tell you
About the things I want
You to do, baby
And the things you can't
Just sit down, girl
You might as well...
Ah, Jenny, love.
Er... introductions.
- This is Jenny Bunn...
- Hello. I have to go.
Can I ring for a taxi?
Excuse me. So soon?
Ah, yes, it's almost two o'clock.
Yes.
How do you know
I had to be back by two?
Oops! Have I been
frightfully indiscreet?
Oh, he told you.
Patrick told you.
Capitalist swine!
Ah, well, don't worry, Jenny, love.
It was just... boy talk.
You know? Boy talk.
Boy talk.
Capitalist swine!
The drink is on me.
Aha, it is, you know.
Oh, if you only knew.
Everything's on me.
Capitalist swine!
- Come along, Dick.
- Ah, capitalist swine.
Very swine. I want...
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Ooh.
I think you'd better
get the Councillor home.
That's easier said than done.
- Where's Jenny?
- I don't know. In the hall, I think.
Jenny, we've... we've got to get
Dick back home.
- Do you want a lift?
- No. No, thank you.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
I'm not going.
I'm not going.
Graham, give me a hand,
before he throws up
all over Julian's scene.
Yes, yes, yes. All right.
Oh... hang on.
Come here.
Come on.
- Capitalist swine.
- Hello!
That's it, baby, you're doing fine.
Yeah, come on.
Oh, look out, you... oh.
...seconds.
At the third stroke,
it will be 2:29 and 50 seconds.
I feel faintly responsible.
Faintly guilty.
Patrick did tell me
about your afternoon.
But it shouldn't have mattered.
I wasn't thinking.
It was all my fault
for letting it slip out.
Unforgivable.
I do feel, though, Jenny,
it's frightfully important,
for your own sake, that you understand
how we chaps think.
We're men, and we think about girls.
Girls we like,
girls we don't like,
girls we've had,
girls we'd like to have had,
girls that do,
girls that don't.
And we talk.
We tell each other everything.
All about the sort of, um...
before, during and after.
And...
we lie.
We lie about
the girls we've had, and
we lie about the girls
we'd like to have had.
Even Patrick lies.
Poor Patrick.
Look out, there's a step.
Push!
There's a letter for him
by the phone when he comes to.
- Where are you going, then?
- I'm leaving him.
Well, that's
frightfully disloyal of you, baby.
Trust Miss Hippie Bloody Bohemian
to take that line.
- Just get out of my way before I miss my train!
- Oh, charming!
Taxi! Taxi?
- Where's Jenny?
- She's still at Ormerod's.
Well, what the hell
is she doing there?
- I suppose you took her.
- No.
Well, who asked you to stick
your bloody snout in this?
She wanted to go.
Then why didn't you
bring her back with you?
She didnae want to come.
- Where are the keys?
- They're in my pocket.
Never again.
- Push him.
- Don't let him fall.
You really
must forgive Patrick,
and the rest of us.
It... it's no-one's fault, actually.
I mean, "fault" doesn't
really enter into it.
It's like a game.
Sex is... is like a game.
A super sort of game.
A game in which
no-one has to say "no",
just "yes".
Julian?
Oh, I wonder,
have you seen Julian, please?
I think he's upstairs.
Julian?
Julian, I wonder whether...
You...
Well, congratulations.
Yes, congratulations.
You, and Julian?
Why?
- Why?
- I don't know.
What do you mean,
you don't know?
I demand an explanation.
Well, I don't have one!
He got you drunk.
Didn't he?
You just tell me he got you drunk.
- Oh, you smooth-talking bastard.
- Now, look...
- You knew she was my girl.
- Leave him alone.
And shut up. Shut up!
You told him.
You told him about us!
And you did all this just to
get even, is that it? Hmm?
- Oh, thank you very much, old sport!
- Don't lose your cool.
- Now you just shut your bloody mouth!
- Oh, you make me sick!
You make out you're so modern,
spout all that rubbish
about risks and all that,
and it doesn't mean a thing,
not a thing, to you.
Oh, I meant it.
Yes, I meant it.
- I meant every word.
- Oh, you meant it!
Yes, you meant it all right.
Like you meant everything else
you could think up to throw at me.
"It's a barrier,
your being a virgin, Jenny.
"Nobody believes
in virginity any more."
- Look, I'm not gonna try and justify...
- It was something to brag about with the boys!
And you even lied about that!
If you want to believe that,
I'm not gonna spoil your fun.
Fun?
It doesn't seem to have entered
your mucky little mind
that I might have loved you.
Love? That's rich coming from you.
Love's trusting somebody.
Trust? Ha ha!
Yes, trust!
"Ooh, I don't seem
to have any clothes on.
"We're just good friends, you know."
Drop dead!
- Jenny!
- It would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
The sun begins to rise as I open up my eyes
And I've got to get together again
I don't know maybe when
But I've got to get together again
A dream can never last
In a world that's moving fast
But something's got to happen to me
I don't know what it would be
But something's got to happen to m e
It would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
It would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you
I knew the day I met ya
I just had to get ya
And never let you out of my sight
Stay beside you day and night
And never let you out of my sight
'Cause it would take a girl like you
To make a dream come true
And maybe break my heart in two
Yes, it would take a girl like you