[# Piet Van Meren:
Mr. Buzz]
[Bell rings]
20 bucks on pump 7.
Lucky 7.
You from around here?
Uh, I just moved.
Oh, yeah? Just moved?
For school.
Been here long?
I just asked that.
Heh heh.
I used to live here.
I knew all the spots.
I mean,
you gotta know 'em.
There are
some great places.
And not just for
gambling. There's more.
I mean, gambling, sure.
Do you gamble?
Sometimes.
Sometimes?
That means a lot.
Yeah.
How much is the Instant
Jackpot Madness?
30 million.
Jeez Louise! Why hasn't
somebody popped that bubble?!
I mean, like...
"Give me 1,000 tickets."
Anyone ever done that?
Why not?
Let's do it.
1,000 tickets.
Give me 1,000.
Uh, I don't think
I can do that.
Sure you can.
Yeah, count it.
I'll have to get
the manager.
Get him.
CASHIER: Hi. Yeah,
we have a customer
who wants 1,000
I.J.M. tickets.
Is that cash?
Yeah.
Okay.
He'll be right up.
I'm not authorized
for that much.
Okay.
So? Do you know
any good places?
Uh, a few.
I just got here.
Well, I could
show you Vegas. Yeah?
Sure.
Oh. Good times.
[Chuckles]
# One, two, three, four #
[Gargling]
[Spits]
JOHN: They say
you make your own luck.
I never understood that.
You're either lucky,
or you're not.
When I lived in Las Vegas,
I had plenty of luck.
Problem was,
most of it was bad.
So... I drove until
I ran out of gas.
And... here I am.
For now,
I'm taking it slow
and steady.
My name is John,
and I used to be lucky.
I had a great run
for a while.
A smile from me,
or a nod,
and it was, "John, how
are you? Right this way."
I didn't have to order
the usual.
They brought it to me,
comped.
[Tires screech]
[Machine beeps]
[Clears throat]
I tried my credit card on
your machine. It's broken.
The credit card
or the machine?
Five bucks
on pump number seven.
And three
Grand Gimmes.
Three Grand Gimmes.
And four
Who's Your Daddys.
And eight
Mega Mega Megas.
And eight
Mega Mega Megas.
That's 20.
JOHN: Of course,
a little fun never hurts.
Just to test the waters.
Because if my luck
comes back,
it would be foolish
not to capitalize.
[Applause and whistling]
[Scratching]
[Music playing]
[Huffs]
[Scratching]
[Coins jingling]
Who's Your Daddy.
Congratulations. $22.
22?
When the words "Who's",
"Your", and "Daddy appear,
one in each box,
that's 1,000.
Your ticket has all three in
one box... 22. You're up two.
Heard somebody won Instant
Jackpot Madness last night.
No.
I thought
somebody won.
It's up to 15 million.
15?
Just sayin'.
22, Instant
Jackpot Madness.
[Machine whirring]
Hey. You're not
allowed to look.
Do you have trash?
Don't forget your
five bucks on pump seven.
JOHN: I guess
I am pretty lucky.
I have a nice house
in a gated community...
a great job...
sitting in a cubicle,
filing claims,
logging calls.
WOMAN: Thank you for
calling Townsend Insurance.
May I have your claim number?
JOHN: And...
I have the best seat
in the house.
Thank you for calling
Townsend Insurance.
Can I have your
claim number, please?
So, you know how you're always
playing those scratch card games?
No, I'm not.
My girlfriends and I
all chipped in
and bought a few,
and we won. $100.
Technically, $1,000,
but there were ten of us.
You won?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, we each bought
our own card,
and mine was called
"Who's Your Daddy".
Like,
who thinks of that?
Heh. I'll have to try that. Yeah.
I was using my nail
to scratch it off,
and, like,
nothing's coming off.
And the guy's, like, "You
have to use a quarter."
You should've played
Instant Jackpot Madness.
Oh, well, we just played
what they had at the store.
It pays 15 million.
Yeah, serious money.
I came close
this morning.
Well, I didn't see
that one.
And I'm grateful
for my $100.
No, hey,
100 bucks is 100 bucks.
Jill?
What?
Do I look okay?
Like,
professional?
Yeah.
I like
your necktie.
I'm going to see
Mr. Townsend.
Well, you look good.
Why are you seeing
Mr. Townsend?
[Whispering] Are you
gonna ask for a raise?
No.
You're gonna
get a raise.
No, I'm not.
JOHN: I've never had
a desk job before,
but I watched enough TV.
Do good work...
"Yes, sir." "No, sir."
And you move up.
[Knock on door]
[Man talking on TV]
[Clears throat]
Mr. Townsend,
I was wondering...
Do you know what's
most important to me?
Do you?
Um... no, sir.
Family.
Family is the most
important thing.
Don't you think?
Sure.
Do you have a family?
No.
Then why did you
agree with me?
Mr. Townsend...
I've been doing
pretty well here, I think.
So...
Do you know what
these awards are for?
Fraud... detection.
You might think we're in
the car insurance business.
We're not.
We're in the business
of not paying
fraudulent claims.
And I don't pay fraudulent
claims more than anyone else.
Will you send Virgil in?
Do you know Virgil?
Virgil!
John, this is Virgil.
How's the insanity
driving plea?
We're off the hook.
Make sure to submit
the S.F.C.
She dropped the claim.
Virgil has debunked
15 fraudulent claims
in the last six months.
Congratulations.
Alas, the tedium
of paperwork
proves too much
for him.
You could've paid
those 15 claims.
John here was just asking
for more responsibility.
Isn't that right?
He could be a fraud man.
Put him on Le Sabre.
I was thinking
the Wildcat.
Giving him Wildcat?
What's the Wildcat?
1970 Buick Wildcat,
mint condition.
The owner...
a Miss Tasty D. Lite...
says she was rear-ended
in the desert
outside of Vegas.
Virgil is gonna go
investigate the claim,
and I want you
to go with him.
I can't.
Uh, I... don't like Vegas.
You don't like Vegas?
How can you not like
Las Vegas?
I mean, it's not that
I don't like it.
Then why did you say
you didn't like it?
So...
the car is totaled.
$17,000.
Apparently, she's
confined to a wheelchair.
She's also filed
$180,000 in lost wages.
What do you think
our Miss D. Lake does
in order to justify
$180,000 in lost wages?
I was gonna say...
sounds like a stripper name.
Yeah, that's right.
She's a stripper.
John, I have a phrase...
"Up or out."
Out? Did I...
I want you
to move up...
all the way to
Level 6 Adjuster.
A corner office,
a space in
the parking structure.
Some serious stuff.
Would I get, uh...
money?
Whoa! Hey! Wow.
We just ordered
cocktails.
You gotta
get me drunk
before you start
to molest me.
[Chuckling]
This feels right,
doesn't it?
You didn't belong
in claims handling.
I mean, some people...
Jill. You know Jill.
She sits
right next to you.
What's she gonna do
besides claims handling?
She's very good.
Really fast with
the computer system.
Oh, sure.
She's great.
And she's
a wild woman.
If you know
what I mean.
You know
what she loves?
A good hair-pulling.
Mmm! Ow!
[Chuckling]
I'm serious.
You should try it.
I'm kidding!
No, I'm not.
[Laughs]
All right.
Good luck, boys.
Wait a minute.
Am I making a mistake?
Don't answer.
The S.F.C. form.
The Suspected Fraudulent
Claims Referral form.
Be sure to fill it out.
And... welcome to fraud.
It's one hell of a ride.
Jill?
Hey. How'd it go?
Are you
and Mr. Townsend...
He said he...
[Telephone rings]
Townsend Insurance. May I
have your claim number, please?
It's none of
my business, but...
[Telephone rings]
JILL: Thank you for calling
Townsend Insurance.
Can I have your
claim number, please?
We leave in five.
Can we stop
by my house first?
I don't have clothes.
No.
See you in five.
Hey.
[# Sonya Spence:
I love You So]
# I don't know why #
# I love you so #
# No, I don't know why... #
[Thunder]
Wow, it's coming down.
So, how'd you
get into this?
Was there, like,
a course in college?
Is that an S.F. C?
Yeah. I don't...
Mr. Townsend
gave it to me.
JOHN: Where are we?
The vehicle was
reported a total loss.
The driver,
Miss D. Lite,
authorized the local company
to bring the car here.
We're nowhere near Vegas. Why
would somebody bring the car here?
This place is like the
Swiss Bank of auto parts.
When a car is classified
a total loss,
they bring it here
in perfect condition.
[Dog barking]
Should I get out?
[Dog barking]
Let's go.
The dog's out.
It's gone.
You mean it's out
running around?
I said the dog's gone.
The dog's gone.
The dog's gone.
Fuck you, the dog's gone!
What's it gonna be,
John?
'Cause this is
a pretty big case.
You can get your
Adjuster level 6.
For a guy like you,
counterfeiting,
minor racketeering,
larceny,
pimpery, lewdness.
I never did
any of that.
First step
to fraud detection
is admitting
you're a fraud.
Fall back, fall back.
Hold on.
[# Joe White and Chuck:
Every Night]
It's courteous
to knock.
I'm looking for
a 1970 Buick Wildcat
classified
as a total loss,
brought here
three days ago.
1970 Buick Wildcat?
That's a mighty fine
automobile.
Fraud investigation,
Townsend
Insurance Company, LLC.
Okay, Mr. Townsend
Insurance, LLC.
My name is Bismarck.
My associate Mordecai.
Be happy to assist you...
assuming you have proof
the car was a total loss.
But you don't, do you?
Heh heh heh.
And if you don't have that
proof of total loss report,
then you ain't nothin'
but a trespasser.
[Thunder]
That went pretty well.
You think that matters?
The car's not there.
Believe me.
If it was there, they
wouldn't be so flippant.
Maybe we should
head to Vegas.
We're not going
to Vegas.
Mr. Townsend said
"outside Vegas".
"Outside Vegas"
isn't Vegas.
Plus, you don't
like Vegas.
Mm.
[Spits]
We can't do
anything else tonight.
Let's just get
some sleep.
Here?
I'm not sleeping here.
Look, per diem is $80.
Keep your receipts.
Call me in the morning,
I'll come pick you up.
[Sighs]
[Keys jingling]
Give me the keys.
No.
Give me
the fucking keys.
Screw you.
[Thunder]
Drive me
to a hotel now!
Or?
Or you don't want
to know.
Right before we left,
you had sex with Jill...
the claims handler...
in the women's bathroom.
Handicapped stall.
You were in there?
Why would I be
in the women's bathroom?
You can't prove
anything.
Well, you do whatever
you were gonna do,
and I'll just prove
whatever I gotta prove.
[# Guitar Music playing]
[Birds squawking]
[# Rock music playing]
Aah! Ow!
[Both screaming]
[Screaming continues]
Ohh!
[Tires screech]
Howdy.
JOHN: Hey.
So, I don't get
a "howdy"?
Pardon?
You didn't say "howdy".
I just did.
To him.
Howdy.
Huh.
Thanks.
Here's yesterday's
per diem... 70.
70? You said 80.
Yeah, well,
ten for the shades.
Instant Jackpot Madness.
What's the pot?
Give me 20.
Your buddy's got a nice
little envelope of cash, eh?
20 more.
What's up?
And a shower.
I'd like a shower.
I can take
a shower.
You want to put
the rest on Jackpot?
Why would I
want that?
[Knock on door]
CLERK:
Everything all right?
Yeah. Fine, fine.
Is there a problem
with the water?
It's good.
Your buddy's not in there
with you, is he?
No.
When someone
rents a shower,
but they don't shower,
sometimes they're
gettin' perverse.
No!
No perverse... ness!
[Telephone rings]
Mr. Townsend's office.
Jill?
Johnny.
You're in
Mr. Townsend's office.
Yes, sir.
Oh.
Well,
what are you, uh...
Is he there, too?
You're jealous.
No.
I just thought...
You know I paint
my fingernails
with little
happy faces?
My pinky
has a frown now,
and it's gonna stay
there until you come home.
Well, that's... cool.
I know.
Is Mr. Townsend around?
There you go.
Love you.
[Ringing]
TOWNSEND: Yeah?
Uh... ahem.
Mr. Townsend.
Yeah?
It's John.
Do you do background
checks and stuff?
Background checks...
you bet.
So you know.
Know what?
Well, it's funny how
we're coming to Vegas...
I mean, outside Vegas...
because I used to live there.
Is this about, uh...
you not liking Vegas?
No, I just...
Because this is
a fraud investigation.
You've gotta put your
personal issues aside.
Not that you're not.
Virgil tells me you're
doing a great job.
He did?
Yeah, just got off
the phone with him.
He wants me
to up your per diem
from the regular 60
to 70.
70? Oh.
John, you know Jill.
Do you think
she'd appreciate
a dozen smiley face
balloons?
She hasn't been as,
uh, cheerful
these last few days.
Well,
Mr. Townsend,
um, you know,
I used to gamble.
You never want to
show all your cards.
Bro, you're right.
I can't be
rushing into this
with smiley face
balloons
trailing behind me.
Thanks, John. I appreciate your candor.
You're welcome.
Hey.
Hey what?
So, this 80 per diem...
how did they
decide on 80?
Why not 70?
There's this expression...
in prison...
When a cross-dressing
skinhead don't rape you,
take your smokes...
you don't ask why.
Here, navigate.
Where are we going?
Miss D. Lite
works in Moriarty.
Moriarty?
You thought I was
gonna say... Vegas?
I don't know what
you were gonna say.
Normally, we analyze
the accident site,
interview witnesses
and cops,
do a forensic
crash analysis,
then find
the stripper,
get her to contradict
the evidence,
at which point she would drop
the auto and medical claims.
But we're close
to Moriarty,
so we have to see
the stripper first,
prove she's lying
without the evidence.
What if
she's not lying?
Here's the plan, all right?
You're a lonely guy
looking for attention.
You go in there,
you find Miss D. Lite,
you tell her something...
Your ex-wife
was in a wheelchair.
The point is, you're lonely,
and she's the only one.
We just have to show her
transacting at the lap dance rate.
I'm not doing that.
You do it.
Yeah, I'm a lonely guy
looking for attention.
What if she really is hurt?
You ever think of that?
This is entrapment.
[Laughs] Come on, man.
We're talking about
one lap dance.
If we come back
with this claim busted,
you're gonna get
your Adjuster Level 6,
buy your girlfriend a nice
jewel-encrusted happy face.
Girlfriend? I don't...
If we don't...
I'm gonna still be
15 for 16 successful claims.
And you?
You? You'll still be you.
JOHN:
I don't even gamble.
No. No way.
You know, unless it's
a little something,
like a token.
'Cause otherwise,
what are you gonna do?
You go to work
every day like a...
You know they have
these swipe cards?
Can you believe that?
But if the odds
are right...
then, boom!
No more swipe card.
Bye-bye, swipe card!
I'm sorry.
We're here now,
and there's no need
to complicate things.
We're just relaxing
and having fun.
Yeah? Good times.
Good times.
Whoo! Heh heh.
Ten minutes should
give us enough charge.
They don't let you
bring cameras
inside strip clubs.
Well, I don't let them file
fraudulent insurance claims,
but they do it.
[# Curtis A. Jones:
Percolator]
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator... #
Five bucks.
For what?
Lunchtime cover.
Gets you a free drink.
What if I don't
want a drink?
It's five bucks.
# It's time
for the percolator #
# Percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
Five bucks.
# It's time
for the percolator #
[Indistinct chatter]
# Percolator #
VIRGIL: Here we go.
[Indistinct chatter]
All righty.
That'll be
five bucks.
The guy said
I get a free drink.
Five bucks is my tip.
Heh.
So, what happened to you?
Some guy rear-ended me.
You okay?
Apparently not.
Well, I mean, you're not
paralyzed, right?
No. It's just...
Where are you from?
I'm from... Las Vegas.
I'm here, you know,
having lunch.
Las Vegas.
Are you a waitress here?
I am now.
I used to be
a prime-slot,
8:00 to 10:00 P.M.
dancer.
Maybe you've
heard of me.
Tasty D. Lite?
No.
Yeah. This thing.
My boyfriend says
the insurance company
is gonna pay me,
but I don't know.
Your boyfriend know
you're a stripper?
Yeah. He works
for the government,
so, like, same thing.
Um, I could, uh...
use a dance.
If you're not busy.
I can't take your money.
This isn't sexy.
I had an ex-girlfriend
who was in a wheelchair.
I liked it.
Yeah?
I swear.
Can't.
See those steps up to
the champagne room?
That's where we do
our lap dances.
Oh. I could
wheel you up there.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Okay.
[Indistinct chatter]
[Grunting]
[Music playing,
woman moaning]
Uh, I only have 35.
35 is fine, sweetie.
Thanks for
the confidence boost.
Good work.
Where are your clothes?
Boy, you changed
so fast.
You got her...
commerce,
transaction paid for,
services rendered.
You know, I think
she's really hurt.
Don't do it, John.
No, I'm serious.
John...
she's a stripper
who likes to strip.
So, somebody
put her up to this,
and the faster she's
out of that wheelchair,
the faster she's back
to doing what she loves.
She had an accident.
She was driving,
and somebody
rear-ended her.
Rear-ended?
In the fucking desert?
Textbook
squat-and-swoop.
I need 45 bucks.
It was five bucks
to get in,
five for a drink,
and the rest
for the dance.
They charged you
to get in?
Five bucks.
You get a receipt?
Give me my money!
Forty.
Okay, five.
Thanks.
Oh, I see what you mean
about this form.
It's really complicated.
What should I put down
about Tasty...
the stripper?
I didn't say
it was complicated.
No, I mean...
What should I put down?
VIRGIL: You know
what you can do?
Navigate.
We're on highway 40.
Where's
the accident site?
JOHN: It says, uh,
Kelbaker Road.
VIRGIL:
Kel-baker?
JOHN: Kel-baker.
Kelba-ker.
Kelbaker.
Turn off the headlights!
Thank you.
Can I help you fellas?
We're just
passing through,
investigating
an accident.
Townsend Insurance,
LLC.
I don't think so.
This here is
the Nature Compound.
Nothing
artificial or...
mechanized
goes through.
You got a gun.
We use the minimum
technology required.
Shoes for our feet,
guns to ward off
foreign elements.
You've got a hat.
Right you are, my friend.
But you still
can't go through.
And if you proceed
through the gate,
we will use force
to stop you
from entering
the compound!
Of course, there is
the option of joining us.
Hats off!
You think
we're in trouble?
MAN: Take 'em off!
No.
Hats off!
We have to turn back.
VIRGIL: I'll see you
in the morning.
You can't be serious.
$80 per diem.
Find a hotel,
if you like.
JOHN: What about them?
[Cell phone ringing]
Hello?
WOMAN: Do you know
who this is?
JOHN: Hello?
It's me.
Who's "me"?
Me.
Oh, me.
Heh. So, whatcha doin'?
JOHN: Nothing.
I was thinking that...
you and I should be
girlfriend and boyfriend.
Do you like that?
Okay.
Wow, you don't sound
that into it.
I can't really talk.
Oh, yeah.
Tell me what's happening.
We're, uh...
investigating.
Really?
Yeah,
so I can't talk.
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
Well, good luck.
Be careful.
Call me when you can.
I love you.
Okay.
Love you.
[Whispers]
Love you.
Yay. Ha ha!
Okay, secret agent man.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
[# Electronic music playing]
JOHN: When I lived
in Vegas,
I used to have this dream.
Not every night,
but a lot.
Lately, I've been
having it again.
MAN: Come up here,
Princeton!
Tell Jesus why you...
[People shouting]
Strip down!
No, you've got to
strip down naked!
Okay, okay!
Strip down naked
in the desert!
Ow!
Whoa. Shit.
You're not naked.
Neither are you.
You're on
national park land.
There's no vagrancy.
Or smoking!
Are you crazy?
Our warning index is orange...
medium to high.
We're trying to...
We're investigators.
Townsend Insurance,
LLC. Fraud division.
And sleeping
in your car?
We got stopped
last night
by some crazy
naked guys with guns.
Right over there.
Well, I was
on duty last night.
Didn't see a thing.
Yes, you did.
I'm gonna let you two go
with a warning.
Vagrancy isn't permitted
on federal land.
We don't want
any trouble.
No, fuck that. Don't back down to him.
Stand up to him
like you did the naked guys last night.
They backed down last
night from my man here.
No, fuck that.
Fuck him up, John!
Do the thing, man. Do the... No, no.
Could you tell us where
the 1970 Buick Wildcat
was rear-ended last week?
You mean that nice
young schoolteacher
who hurt her neck?
Sure. Follow me.
What was that?
What do you mean,
what was that?
What was what?
VIRGIL: So, now we're
following this nimrod?
He seemed
like a nice guy.
Yeah, you seem
like a nice guy.
I am a nice guy.
Yeah, you are.
What is
this bullshit act?
I'm the one
who got Tasty D. Lite.
I'm the one that
talked down the naked guy.
No, no. You asked
the naked guy
about his hat.
But naked guy
left us alone, didn't he?
The other naked guys
took off their hats, too.
I'm doing
all the heavy lifting.
You didn't get
Tasty D. Lite.
I got her for you.
I got every woman
in there
and the gay
bartender.
You mean
with that outfit?
"Look at me. I can dance
like James Brown."
[Scoffs]
So, what's with you
and Happy Face?
She's cute...
in a psycho kind of way.
You're psycho.
Maybe I should show her
my James Brown dance.
I was the first one
on the scene.
The woman who owned
the Buick Wildcat...
she was in
the driver's seat.
She complained
of shooting pains.
And the guy who
rear-ended her...
he was in
a Honda Civic.
The back of the Buick
was all bashed up.
How's a tiny little Honda
gonna bash up
a steel-frame muscle car?
It's not. That's why
it's called "fraud".
OFFICER: Plus,
the Buick wasn't crumpled.
More like it had
a hole punched in it.
VIRGIL:
From a sledgehammer.
Amateurs.
The guy who owned
the Honda...
you could tell
he was rich.
He had this big-faced watch
you see those rich guys wear.
I love those.
Oh, man, this one
was a real beaut.
Anyway, he felt
really terrible,
said he'd be willing to pay
for her car to get towed.
Do you know where
they towed the car to?
You need Smitty.
Go to the county fair
where they have
the sideshow acts
and ask for the Flame Lord.
That's Smitty.
Why would I be asking for
Smitty the Flame Lord?
OFFICER: He's the one
who towed the car.
He goes
on contract runs
to supplement
his income.
Flame Lord
doesn't pay?
You'd think.
Thanks
for your help.
Hey, no worries.
I'm sorry about
the misunderstanding.
[# Darondo: Didn't I]
# Do-do-do-do-doooo #
# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh #
# Ba-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da #
# Didn't I
teach you right, now? #
# Didn't I? #
JOHN: It's not easy
to find a partner.
You want someone nice.
But what does that mean?
Nice? Not nice?
[Knock on door]
Just a minute!
[Ringing]
Townsend Insurance, LLC.
May I have your
claim number, please?
Hey.
Hi.
It's John.
[Laughs]
I know who it is, silly.
[Knock on door]
I'm in here! Just...
I'm sorry.
Where are you?
How's it going?
Good. I found out
that the injury claim
is fraudulent.
You did?
But last night,
things got kind of hairy,
but I talked our way
out of it.
Wow.
And now...
I found out where
the vehicle is.
I mean, I found
the guy who towed it,
so we're going there.
I knew it. I knew it.
Mr. Townsend said you might
make Adjuster Level 6.
Yeah. About that...
Mr. Townsend...
John.
Mr. Townsend and I
are finished, okay?
I need you to know that.
I already decided
before you even gave me
the hair tug.
The love tug.
Do you like James Brown?
[Knock on door]
What?
Ah. I gotta go.
But thanks for talking.
Anytime, Johnny Rocket.
I love you.
Okay, I love you, too.
[Banging on door]
How's it going
in there?
Just fine, James Brown.
[People cheering]
JOHN: My dad
brought me to carnivals
just like this one.
Well, he brought me
to one carnival.
But it was just like this.
Hey, how about...
Virgil.
I gotta play this.
Yeah, you do.
How do you win?
The stuffed doll prize
is inversely proportional
to the target size.
The smaller the target,
the bigger the prize.
Cock it.
[Cocks gun]
[Gun fires]
Come on.
You come on!
[Cocks gun]
[Fires]
[Fires]
You got
the Flame Lord?
Flame Lord is unavailable
due to technical difficulties.
Well, can you tell us
where he is?
We just want
to talk to him.
Are you guys cops?
Yeah, we're
fuckin' cops.
Can I see some I. D?
You want some damn I. D?
Here comes some I.D.
Ah, come on, man.
He's right there.
JOHN: What's wrong
with him?
Let me go,
and I'll tell you.
Fuck off.
VIRGIL: Why don't you
talk to him?
You're better
with people.
Will you hold this?
Aww.
Okay. I don't
trust you.
Smitty?
Yeah.
Hey. My name is...
[Whoosh]
Sorry.
They say I'll burn out
in a few days.
What happened?
Oh, the zipper
melted shut,
and the fuel regulator
is broken.
Can't they
cut you out?
Eh, no one
will get close.
I'm sorry
to have to do this,
but can I ask you
a few questions?
Townsend Insurance,
LLC.
Hey, man,
do you have a cigarette?
That's actually
the worst part.
I'll get you a smoke.
You got a cigarette?
Here's your cigarette.
If you don't mind,
I'll throw it.
Ha ha!
Ohh, sweet Jesus.
You got a light?
Fuck!
Come on! Come on!
All I wanted
was a goddamn cigarette!
Come on!
Hold on.
SMITTY: Ohh.
Okay, hold the pack
between your feet
on the ground.
Next time you flame,
just bend over the box
like it was Epsom salts.
Breathe deep.
That's good thinking.
Uhh! Fuckin'-A!
Ahh!
Uhh.
Ahh!
How did it work?
Amazing.
I think I lost
my eyebrows,
but that was the best
goddamn smoke I've ever had.
Can I ask you a question
about Deluxe
Transportation Systems?
Shoot, my friend.
There was an accident
a while back...
a 1970 Buick Wildcat
and a Honda Civic...
out in the desert.
Oh, the schoolteacher.
Where'd you tow
the Buick?
Hey, Teach,
I've been bad.
You must spank me
with a ruler.
Smitty!
Where's the car?
Uh... Vegas.
Vegas Scrap & Tow.
I was, like, "Hey, Teach.
You... come with me.
To the school
of hard knocks."
Thanks. Thank you.
[# Calexico: El Picador]
JOHN: I know they say
you have highs and lows.
But I don't see why
you can't have just highs.
What's wrong
with feeling good?
I'd like my 80 bucks.
You can't have your hotel
and your per diem, too.
From last night,
in the desert.
Will you give me
the keys?
I thought
I'd head into town,
check out what's new.
You don't like Vegas.
Okay, I didn't
like it before,
but maybe they
have new stuff.
And I figured,
who knows?
I'd just
check it out.
It's no big deal.
I'm not tired,
and I thought
it'd be fun.
I think they're
over here.
Okay, thanks. Bye.
Want to come?
Okay. Bye.
[# Calexico: El Picador]
[Whistling]
[Cell phone ringing]
Yeah?
JILL: Hey, baby.
Oh, hi.
Whatcha doin'?
I gotta go.
Really? I wanted to talk.
Later.
[Overlapping chatter]
Aren't you gonna
call it out?
Changing 20!
Sorry, buddy.
[People cheering]
What the fuck?
Sorry.
This is bullshit.
Where's your cash machine?
It's broke.
VIRGIL:
That was quick.
MAN: Okay, okay!
Strip down naked
in the desert!
And if you're naked,
and you're cold,
what you gotta do?
You got to put God on!
Get it?
You got to put
Jesus on, okay?
You got to put
the Holy Spirit on!
Tell me,
do you have Jesus on?
Put him on,
and feel the power
of His holy embrace!
[Door opens]
[Door closes]
Bagels
and cream cheese.
Oh, thanks.
Come on, we're late.
JOHN:
Did you sleep okay?
I had the weirdest dream.
Here's the plan.
We got the medical
claim debunked.
If we can locate
the vehicle,
we can prove that
the material damage claim
is false, too.
This could be dangerous.
Hey!
I'm putting the petty cash
in the glove box.
Why are you
putting it in there?
VIRGIL: Let's go.
What can I do for you?
VIRGIL: We're from
Townsend Insurance, LLC.
We're looking for
a 1970 Buick Wildcat
towed here by a Deluxe
Transport Systems.
All right.
Maybe I can help.
Lucypher.
I'm the owner.
Lucypher?
Lucypher?
It's French.
The car you're talking about
is right over here.
Watch your step.
[Thud]
JOHN:
You gotta be lucky.
Luck-y!
Are you lucky?
That's a dumb question.
I know you are.
I can feel you.
No, not like that.
I mean,
you feel lucky.
It feels lucky
in here.
Whoo! Heh heh.
But it is hot.
Does that bother you...
that they keep it
hot in here?
I mean, maybe it's
good for the food,
keeps it fresh.
Although, you'd think
it'd be better cold
for freshness.
Fresh... ness.
[# Los Difuntos: Dirge]
[Gunshot]
OPERATOR: 911.
JOHN: Vegas Scrap & Tow.
They shot my friend.
Are you hurt, sir?
No, I don't think so.
Where are you?
Uh, westbound on 215,
on the side of the road.
Okay, I authorize
payment.
I just can't
believe it.
Yes, I see. You've
finally submitted one.
Don't take that tone
with me.
Mr. Townsend.
It's Virgil.
This isn't funny.
[Dialing]
[Ringing]
JILL: Townsend
Insurance, LLC.
May I have your
claim number, please?
Jill.
Johnny.
They shot Virgil.
Who shot Virgil?
Lucypher.
He owns the junkyard.
Just now? Yeah, like ten minutes ago.
Johnny, Mr. Townsend's
on the phone
with Virgil right now.
What? He's alive?
Yeah.
Mr. Townsend's yelling.
Poor Virgil.
He's on the phone
with Virgil right now?
Mr. Townsend is not happy
about paying.
I mean,
it's like $200,000.
[Phone beeps]
Hold on.
I gotta take this call.
Oh, I can't be
in Mr. Townsend's office,
but you can hang up with me
the first chance...
[Beep]
Hello?
OPERATOR: Yes, hello.
John Alig... hairy?
Yeah.
Yes, Mr. Alig-hairy,
we have a police car
at Vegas Scrap & Tow,
and there's no sign
of violence.
Mr. Alig-hairy,
are you aware
that it is against the law
to falsely report a crime?
Where are you now, sir?
I'm in...
Las Vegas.
No, no. Wait, wait.
I take him
to his wife's house.
He's bleeding 'cause he's
fallen down so many times.
And his wife was, like,
"Well, thank you.
But where's
his wheelchair?"
[Laughing]
Yeah.
All right, man.
Take it easy.
Y'all be good. Thank you. Sure.
VIRGIL: Yo, yo!
Hey. But she was
pretty fine.
I could've spent
the night!
[Door opens]
JOHN: Jesus!
What the fuck
is going on?!
They shot you!
John!
Chill.
[Sighs]
I told you.
The first step
to fraud detection
is admitting
that you're a fraud.
That's bullshit.
Regardless of what
you think you saw,
a woman
had an accident.
Her policy stipulated
she was due compensation.
The insurance adjusters
found no fraud,
so they paid the claim.
They paid...
You.
They paid you.
Don't worry, though.
I told Mr. Townsend
you were top-notch.
You'll get your
Adjuster Level 6.
The petty cash
in the glove box?
That's yours.
About 1,000 bucks.
No. I refuse to be
a party to this.
Oh, you're a party,
all right.
You had sex with Jill...
Townsend's girl...
in the women's bathroom,
handicapped stall.
You picked the wrong guy
to mess with.
No, no. Actually...
I picked the guy
who runs away.
Welcome to Fraud.
[Sighs]
It has been
one hell of a ride.
MAN: Sir?
So, you want
1,000 tickets?
Heh. That's $1,000.
That's $1,000.
Actually, it's $1,089.
You want it all?
Yeah. Why not?
Let's do it.
No, okay.
Just 1,000.
1,000 it is.
[Machine beeping]
You know what? Um...
make it 800.
Ooh, yeah. I already
punched it in.
Sorry about that.
Cool.
[Receipt printing]
[Printing continues]
[Printing stops]
Whoo!
Well, I don't see
any winners.
Oh?
MANAGER: Yeah. No,
they put these little stars
next to
the winning numbers.
But if you want...
Oh, do you still
want to go out?
[Gargling]
My name is John...
and I am not lucky.
For the first time,
I'm living the life
I'm living.
And it's all right.
[Honks horn]
I'd like to think
Virgil did the whole scam
just to show me that.
But he probably
did it for the money.
Who knows?
If he hadn't hit me
with the board,
I might've wanted
a piece of the action.
Maybe that's why
he hit me.
JILL: Knock, knock.
Oh.
Perfect.
So...
you want to play
a game?
I'm kind of tired.
Ta-da.
I stopped playing those.
I know. But look...
it's a new one.
Thanks, no. I...
It's called
"Have a Nice Day".
I had to get it.
And it's
a big prize, too,
if you get "Have",
"A", "Nice", and "Day"
under the smiley faces.
Go ahead. Scratch it.
I'll do it.
[Gasps]
"Have".
How are we doing?
Pretty good.
Ha!
Here,
let me scratch one.
John. John.
Jill?
Do you love me?
You know I love you.
No matter what?
Now you're scaring me.
If we win
a lot of money...
a lot...
and I blow it all...
will you stay with me?
Well, first of all,
I bought this card,
so technically,
I'm letting you
scratch it off.
But even if we win,
you wouldn't blow it.
I mean, assuming
we get married,
I would keep
the money in my name,
and I would give you,
like, an allowance.
And you could do
whatever you want
with the allowance.
So, stop fucking around
and scratch the happy face!
You're cute.
JOHN: They say
you make your own luck.
But I don't need luck
anymore.
Which makes me...
the luckiest guy
in the world.
SONYA SPENCE:
# I don't know why #
# I love you so #
# No, I don't know why #
# I love you so #
# You have nothing
to give me #
# But that doesn't matter #
# Long as I have you
close by #
# It's all
I'll ever want #
# 'Cause, baby #
# I don't know why #
# I love you so #
# I don't know why #
# I love you so #
# I don't know why #
# I need you so #
# No, I don't know why #
# I want you so #
# You make me happy #
# When I'm feeling blue #
# You're all I cling to #
# You make me feel
brand-new #
# And, baby #
# Baby, that's why #
# I love you so #
# Believe me #
# Darling, that's why #
# I love you so #
# Ooh #
# You make me happy #
# When I'm feeling blue #
# You're all I cling to #
# You make me feel
brand-new #
# And that is why #
# I love you so #
# Ooh #
# Baby, that's why #
# I love you so #
# I know that's why #
# I love you so #
[Song fades out]
[# Guitar music begins]
[Music fades out]
CURTIS A. JONES: # It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# Percolator #
# It's time #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# Percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# Percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# Percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# Percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
# It's time
for the percolator #
[Song ends]