Oh, no.
Much too good fish for you.
You're not going to believe this,
but I'm even hungrier than you are.
Alright.
I'll give you a piece. Come!
I'll give you a bit of that.
Just a little bit.
Here.
The Rainbow Thief
A little more, my beauties.
Your favorite drink.
Drink up, my darlings. Drink up.
Rolf!
Thank you.
Kala. Kala. Katalaveno.
Milao liga Hellenika.
Tetragrammaton. Elevsis. Sotir.
Evil winds have finally brought
them here on time.
They calculate their every move.
They hide their greed behind
their phony smiles.
Little do they know, Holly.
Little do they know.
I hope you all like bones. Caviar
always goes to the dogs.
Spoiled, aren't they?
-You know, Rudolf, this is not funny.
Bones are for cemeteries.
God forbid.
May you stay with us for
a long time. -Amen.
Vien dopo tanta irrision
la Morte.
E poi? E poi?
La Morte il Nulla.
... vecchia fola il Ciel.
My God, what I want is some real
life flesh! Rolf!
Ring up Madame Rainbow and tell
her to send over some of her girls!
But we wanted to have a quiet
evening with you. Alone.
But Rudolf, you promised you'd
speak with us this evening.
Winter and Snow are waiting. I must
give them a decision tomorrow.
Winter and snow can wait until spring!
Get out! All of you! Out!
Madame Rainbow's girls wouldn't
like to be seen in your company.
Out!
Girls, come on! Let's go!
Now, just get this blindfold off.
Let it fall. Now lean back.
Plaisir d'amour ne dure qu' un moment.
Chagrin d'amour dure tout la vie.
Plaisir d'amour...
As you all know, Rudolf van Tanner
now lies in a coma.
Any reading of the will is not
possible until after his death.
But it is our considered belief...
...that the will favors his nephew, Meleagre.
That would be intolerable!
-Meleagre is a fumbling idiot!
-He doesn't even care about money!
After the reading, the will can be contested on the grounds of undue influence.
But that would be very difficult.
You would have to show such pressures
were brought to bear...
...that the deceased disposed of his
property contrary to his intentions.
Not much chance of that, I'm afraid.
Fortunately, we have some
other suggestions.
Ms. Fenwick...
Could you please bring in the
Meleagre von Tanner file?
Thank you, Ms. Fenwick.
We have here the complete file on
Rudolf von Tanner's nephew.
We've asked him to join us here.
But his appointments not for another
half hour. -Right...
...let's be quick about this.
It seems that Mr. von Tanner's nephew
is a rather odd case.
No bank account. No driver's license.
No medical insurance card. Nothing.
No record of ever even having
seen a dentist or a doctor.
Meleagre was very strange.
Even as a child.
He was brought up by Rudolf.
If the will does favor Meleagre,
our best hope lies...
...in proving him irresponsible
in his affairs.
Afterwards, we can move into a
manageable position.
Which would just the same as
being named as heirs.
For a financial consideration, one
can buy any kind of consultation.
Including psychiatric. And be certain
it'll be helping our case.
I don't think we need spell
everything out, Winter!
- Ms. Fenwick.
- Ms. Fenwick!
Would you very kindly bring in
the psychiatric report?
With psychiatric evidence, a judge
might wish to challenge...
...or even adjourn his finding
...until he was fully satisfied that
such evidence was admissa...
Sir.
You dropped this.
Come on. Come down here.
Some years later...
Go and put it down. That's a beauty.
Here. Take this. Keep the change.
-That's nice! -Last year's model. They
don't make 'em like that anymore.
Pay as much as you like.
As much as you can spare.
There you are! Lovely ripe oranges!
Here you are, sir! Here you are, lady!
Go along! Buy my lovely...
Hey! Go on. Run along.
Hey, you come back here!
That's my Mary Celeste!
I'll get the policeman after you!
My Mary Celeste is very valuable.
Get out of my way! Get out!
You little devils! Come back
with that boat!
Ambrosia!
-You won't get anything out of me!
-You are cruel to me, Ambrosia.
Put my paper back! It comes
out of my own pocket.
Charge it to Uncle Rudolf, Ambrosia.
What Uncle? It comes out of my pocket!
You know! I told you before.
The Prince's Uncle!
Ah, the Prince! I hear he's been
driving you crazy.
He's been crazy for years.
-Don't do that again!
Ever since that dog of his got lost
somewhere in the sewers.
He's now talking to a puppet!
To a puppet!
I can help you down the stairs.
I'm back, Your Majesty!
With dinner for you. And
for you, laddie.
-Why do you always take so long?
-So long?
Never satisfied!
Secure the canoe. According to my
charts, the water will peak this evening.
Imbecile! Take the lantern.
When will you learn to watch
the water levels?
He's a fool, that Dima.
A clever thief...
But a fool.
Madness. Always talking with
that phony dog...
...when he knows the real Chronos
got lost in the sewer years ago.
Where's my paper?
-Thirty centimes, it cost me.
-Liar! Thief! You stole it!
See! See here! Everything's rising.
Couldn't you ask your Uncle for a
small advance on the inheritance?
A little gold.
-A little gold...
I would ask for the gold of happiness.
It escapes, escapes, escapes.
We were sailing along
On Moonlight Bay...
Why are we living in this filthy
dungeon like toads?
When I think of all the money
you owe me...
You lack a proper uniform, Dima!
No uniform, no discipline!
-Fire me!
Call your Uncle Rudolf in the hospital.
Your one and only Uncle Rudolf,
lying there, in a coma.
Ask him to come and babysit for you!
Revolting smell. What have
you got there?
Too good for you, huh?
Coldness of death was spreading
to his waist...
...when a philosopher, Socrates,
uncovered his face...
...for he had covered it up, and said:
"Kriton...
...we shall offer a cock to
Asclepios, I owe it to him."
But we're not offering this rooster
to Asclepios, I can tell you!
Kriton said: "It shall be done."
How I'd like to talk with such nonsense!
Socrates covered his face and
made no reply.
By and by, Kriton uncovered it
and saw that his eyes were fixed.
He closed them, weeping.
And that, Dima, was the end of one...
...who was the bravest and
most noble of men.
I feel I'm pretty brave, myself.
I stole this dinner from the basket
of an old woman.
You know I don't eat stolen food!
Since when?
-Where you going?
-Out!
-When will you be back?
-Later!
Let me advise you, before
you go, just a small detail:
Instead of gold, you may
be looking for truth.
And you can keep your Uncle Rudolf, too!
They've been on their crosses for 17
hours now, ladies and gentlemen.
A world record is about to be broken.
Our two champions are still
in great shape.
They hail from India, the land
of the transcedental mind.
From the ancient steppes of Russia,
ladies and gentlemen...
I give you the one and only,
the great...
-Hey, hey. Hello!
-Ladies and Gentlemen...
You are about to witness a miracle.
One bullet right through the heart.
Copal Karankanti, the World's Greatest
Living Fakir, cannot die!
He is indestructible!
On my right, Copal Karankanti...
-Help the blind!
-Youth fades!
Think on your end!
-Help the Blind!
-Youth fades!
-Help the blind!
Cigarette for dinner, my friend?
Cigarette?
I ain't your friend and you're
blocking my light!
Put it back!
-Put it back!
By the way, a cop came by yesterday...
asking questions about a Prince
who's disappeared from sight.
Now, you wouldn't know him, would you?
Now I remember.
It was you, Dima. It was you.
I saw you standing with that tall
man with the funny cape.
And he had a dog as big as a horse.
So, it was you. It was you.
Then you both disappeared.
That for me?
Here. I'll take it. I'll take it!
-Youth fades...
-It was him.
Help the blind!
No! No No! No! No!
Ladies and Gentlemen!
Science will never admit
itself defeated!
And if I am here today, it is
to present to you...
the greatest invention of all time:
Dorikill!
The Anti-Potato Bug Powder.
In French: Pomme de terre!
In German: Kartoffel!
The Potato Bug might seem to be
a small, insignificant insect.
The uninitiated might be fooled...
...and mistake him for one of
God's humble creatures.
What a tragic error!
Ladies and gentlemen, the insect
and God never met!
They have nothing in common.
And totally ignore one another's
existence.
The Potato Bug is a monster...
...and the Devil's own creation!
You!
I can read your mind.
It seems totally harmless to you.
But watch!
It takes only a few days...
...for this harmless, potato
eating abomination...
...to annihilate the fruit
of years of labor!
But fear not!
Bravo!
Introducing Colonel Heywood,
the World's Smallest Colonel!
Here to show us the efficiency
of Dorikill!
Get your Dorikill, ladies and
gentlemen! Get your Dorikill!
It's a unique secret formula!
It's a volcanic powder matured
in the very bowels of the Earth!
Get your Dorikill here! You'll
never find anything like it!
It's here! For you! Now!
Ladies and Gentlem...
Ladies and Gentlemen!
Hey...
My name is Dima.
-Pleased to meet you, Dima.
Can I give you a hand? Can I carry this?
That's very kind of you.
Don't drop it, or they'll fire me.
Follow me.
My Victrola!
He stole my Victrola! Thief! Thief!
I will never forget the day
you got lost down here.
After all these years, only a miracle
could bring you back alive now.
There is an obsolete word
called "faith".
Faith, Meleagre! And
the miracle of love.
Where's that fool, Dima?
I need a pint of beer!
Ahoy, matey! Shipwrecked, I see.
-Damn you!
A victim of another maritime disaster.
Out goes the bad air.
In goes the good air.
I've warned you to keep an
eye on those water levels.
Out goes the bad air.
In goes the good air...
Get off me, you vacantless fool!
Fear not! I shall never reprimand
nor harm you again. I forgive you.
May the fleas from a thousand
camels infest your armpits!
Crescendo, Dima, crescendo!
For today is a day of Revelation!
-A good day to die!
Let go of me!
Mystery is not death.
My friend...
It was here, in the depths of the
sewers, the revelation came to me!
Let us forget our quarrels of the past!
Let us rejoice!
For now Meleagre's here to steer you on!
So that you in turn may
steer the world...
...out of the greatest deluge
ever known!
I don't want to steer you anywhere
And you? You're going to steer me?
You're scared out of your
pants when you piss!
You have no gratitude, see.
No gratitude!
Who brought you down here,
you and your real dog?
Who found you shelter?
I did!
Who brings food everyday?
Dima does! Dima!
You understand nothing!
Into the abysmal pit must you fall
before you see the abysmal blue.
For a soul, my friend, has been
given... even unto you!
Oh, Moon!
In the wanton hours of
your silent towers...
...and the stillness of the
heavenly power.
Moon...
Crouch at my side and let
me weep my laughter!
I'm dreaming of a Moon!
Warmness glowing.
The huge black moon in
the white, bright sky.
Why...? Why...?
Take them! Wake up! C'mon!
Come... Come!
Swine!
Pig! Leech! Abusing a woman!
Somebody come and help her!
Come and help her, somebody!
Hey! Hey!
I'll get you for this!
Dima, you bastard!
No!
Ambrosia, my beauty!
Shalom Aleichem, my friend!
-How are you, tonight?
I have a little gift for you.
For your collection!
Put it back!
Go ahead. Chew it, enjoy it.
It's your last!
Yeah, that's it. Choke!
I have money. Wait!
A glass of Beaujolais and
one firm Havana cigar!
A man of means.
The Prince inherited his uncle's wealth.
And you have come to settle
his bill with a twenty.
I've already got this 20,
and the 148 you owe me.
Plus another 10 for these tidbits.
Well, I'm not doing too well, am I?
-Consider it as a long-term investment.
Investment? I lose my money by
you and your fairy tales...
...faster than steam evaporates.
Now, what you need is a job, like the
guy in the back there, washing dishes.
-I don't wash dishes. We have
kitchen help. -Sure you do.
If you were smart, you'd get a freighter
and get the hell out of here.
Be smart, Dima. There's a boat leaving
for Singapore from Port Bay on Friday.
They're looking for another galley-man.
The Captain's a personal friend of mine.
I'll tell him about you!
This way. Don't be shy.
C'mon, dance! C'mon!
Take a seat.
Hello. -Colonel Heywood,
what are you having?
Well... two beaujos, please.
Do you know a regular of this
cafe whose name is Dima?
Dima? He's over there.
Dima? My Victrola!
Dima!
Thief! You stole my Victrola!
Dima! Thief! Come back!
He stole my Victrola!
-Give me the bottle, Tiger Lily!
-Such manners!
-She expects manners from
a pig like me? -Unbelievable!
Both of you! All of you...
Listen! When I played on the stage...
Everyone showed respect.
Everyone showed manners.
I stood there...
The light shining in my face.
Bowing to a thousand people.
And on the morning and
evening of the sixth day...
God created man in his own image.
Male and female, created he them.
And behold, it was very good!
Very good.
Come back! Dima! My Victrola!
I dont' want to be chased!
Do you think I'm a mouse?
Dima, you thieving bastard!
I'll get you, you bastard! I'll get you!
Come back, you swine!
You thief! You bastard!
Come and help me!
Quick! C'mon!
My Victrola! Stop him, please!
He stole my Victrola!
All the king's horses,
and all the king's men...
...couldn't put the tiny twat
together again!
Please! Please!
No! No!
Come on!
-Stop it! Stop it! Everyone of you!
-Beat the shit out of him!
You silly old bat!
Come on, Darling. Come on, Lily.
Well done, Lily!
-Poor little friend...
Poor little friend...
You know something, little one?
Of all the roles I ever played...
...the only one I never got
right was my dying scene...
...in King Lear.
Pray you, undo this button.
Thank you, sir.
Do you see this?
No.
Never.
Never...
Bravo, Tiger Lily!
Are you hurt? Wake up!
Please, wake up!
She's... She's really dead.
Yes, she is no longer with us.
But she was a friend.
She has suffered a coronary thrombosis.
Arteriosclerosis.
Be strong! We are all
but flesh and bone.
With the hipbone connected
to the thighbone.
And the thighbone connected
to the kneebone.
And the kneebone connected
to the shinbone.
And the shinbone connected
to the anklebone.
And the anklebone connected
to the footbone.
And the footbone connected
to the thighbone...
Chronos!
If only you could save me now
in this moment of disaster!
Where, in the name of God, is Dima?
What a loss!
Look at yourself! Upside down!
Hanging there...
...like a rabbit on a meathook!
Get me down, you idiot!
I'm suffocating to death!
Yes, but should you die,
your soul will live!
And stop that music!
He no longer loves music?
I'll make you dance!
If I had a heart attack, you idiot...
you'd get nothing!
I'd get nothing?
Bastard! Why d'you act
this way with me?
Ungrateful cad!
-Arrogant jackass!
You call me arrogant? I, who spent
the last five years serving you?
...When you don't even deserve
to lick my boots!
Pretending to be a student
of the stars...
When you're just waiting like a vulture
until your Uncle Rudolf drops dead!
All my hopes... All my dreams...
All these years invested
in a lunatic's promise.
You're the most disgusting type
of survivor I've ever seen!
What about yourself?
This "disgusting survivor"
steals for His Majesty?
Like you, I just found it.
Go ahead, try it on.
I'm cold, Dima!
A spark of intuition...
...tells me you are desperately
in need of my help!
But before I see the future
in my crystal ball...
I must first see the customer's
money in my hand.
This is not enough!
Patience... Patience...
For the moment, I see only... mist.
No. No, wait...
It is smoke, not mist.
-Do you see Uncle Rudolf
in the smoke? -Silence!
It is a golden rule for me.
Otherwise, I lose my concentration!
What is this?
A castle?
-Castle?
-A snake!
-Snake?
No! A woman!
A blonde woman!
She is embracing a man, desperately!
This is indeed incredible!
She is embracing you!
What about Uncle Rudolf?
She weeps.
In a church, she weeps.
And she is holding your hand!
This is most peculiar!
I see a dwarf...
...with a big stick in his hand!
My Victrola!
Thief! Thief! He stole my Victrola!
My crystal ball!
Where is he? Come back!
Dima! My Victrola! Come back, thief!
You can't catch Dima!
Come on, my beautiful horse! Drive on!
Dima! No one can find Dima...
Here, put the papers out!
C'mon! You are so lazy!
I never work for anyone,
Ambrosia, but for you I will!
C'mon, let's have
another paper from you.
Oh, really!
Read all about it! Read all about it!
Eccentric millionaire leaves huge fortune!
Read all about it! Read all about it!
Eccentric millionaire leaves huge fortune!
Uncle Rudolf is dead!
- I won't, Dima..!
-Dima's rich!
A fortune! Huge fortune!
No more stealing or begging!
-My Papers! I'll kill you for this...
-You don't understand!
It's true. Here...
I'll buy all your papers! Look at this!
The savings of a lifetime!
Here!
-What you've been up to?
You never told me you had money!
-Ambrosia...!
You are Dima's guest tonight! I am
giving you a feast! A banquet! Chicken!
Roast chicken! With fried potatoes!
And wine!
French, of course.
Oh...!
And chocolate ice cream!
And the finest Havana cigar!
From Cuba.
Are you ready, madame?
-I am, Dima!
Waiter! Your best table!
You know what, Ambrosia?
We could eat chicken everyday,
for the rest of our lives.
And you...!
You could have dresses from Paris
and shoes from Rome... Italy!
Lovely!
Huge fortune!
How much you think a huge fortune is?
I don't know. I suppose...
Probably cost you about
ten-thousand newpapers!
Rudolf von Tanner,
famous German millionaire...
...died yesterday, leaving
his colossal fortune...
Oh, no...
Oh, that's not possible!
...leaving his colossal fortune...
...to the Rainbow brothel...
...only on condition that
they take care of...
...of his dogs.
His dogs?
Hey!
Read this!
Uncle Rudolf is no more than
peat moss decomposing nicely!
A dozen dogs and whores from a
filthy brothel are now millionaires!
Dogs and whores...
You didn't get one cent!
He left you nothing!
You never had a heritage.
The only heritage is the big, black
hole in your head. You're worthless!
You're nothing but a lousy bum, like me!
I promised you gold,
and gold you shall get.
Do you know the meaning
of the word "gold"?
For years I've been working in this
dungeon. Experimenting. Burning.
Transforming. And gold I have found!
Gold worth far more than all your money.
The gold of the soul!
Purified! Transformed!
You are totally insane!
You lied. You lied!
Making a sucker out of me,
when you knew, all the time...
...your uncle wouldn't leave you a cent.
Shut up.
There is no death, you fool!
Only the miracle of transformation.
Can you not see what shines
like pure light?
Transformation?
What do I care about transformation?
My soul can go to hell, for all I care.
I want money!
You made a beggar and a thief out of me by promising me money.
M-O-N-E-Y!
-By promising you...
...Paradise Eternity!
You ever scoff at me again,
I'll kill you!
Go.
Be gone.
Don't worry, Your Majesty.
I'm leaving forever.
You can rot, for all I care!
I offer him life, and he prefers
a miserable, old Victrola.
Oh, Chronos!
My old friend.
What did I do wrong?
You used Dima in your selfish
search for perfection.
One day, you will understand.
And thou...
...here, in this wretched dungeon
in this wretched hour...
...have I finally found you.
And myself.
Dima!
Hey, Moishe!
Good business, huh?
-Not bad.
By the way, has that boat for
Singapore left Port Bay yet?
Why should I tell you?
So you can disappear forever
with the money you owe me?
What if I pay you my debt?
You don't believe it, but I've
got the money! -Let's see it.
Stolen goods.
-Not so fast, my friend!
First, you tell me the name of the ship!
-Okay, you've got a deal.
-Plus 500.
-Forget it.
Listen! I need it now!
There's a train in an hour.
Go on, help out an old pal!
I'm begging you!
-I'll give you 200.
-400.
-250.
-350.
One.
Two.
Three.
The name of the ship is The Seahound.
It's at Port Bay, dock three.
Tell Gustav I sent you.
-I won't forget it, my friend!
Get out of here!
Shut those windows!
...Do you mind there! Stop pushing...!
...Thief...!
Attention! Attention!
Train for Port Bay will be leaving...
-Second class for Port Bay!
Train for Port Bay. Platform Four.
Two minutes.
...Please...!
...They're too many people...!
Attention! Step back from the track!
We apologize to passengers
for the inconvenience.
This is the worst flooding disaster
in the last seventy years.
Step back from the track!
Attention!
There will be one further departure
from this station.
It will leave in fifteen minutes
from Platform Nine.
Platform Nine.
This will now be the last train.
The last train from this station.
It's that bastard Dima! Let's get him!
Dima, you bastard!
You stole my sausage!
Give him a bottle!
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth!
Fight, you bastard! Fight!
Wait a minute!
I've got something for you!
Here! Look at this! Look!
Look at this! C'mon!
Watch out!
I found you!
I knew you'd be there!
-And I knew that you'd come back!
There's only one way out!
We still have time!
C'mon!
-Only one way out?
Yes! C'mon!
C'mon, boy!
-I hope he swims as well as he talks!
-He does!
C'mon!
Courage, Chronos! Courage!
Chronos!
Where are you? Damn you!
Damn you!
Chronos! Where are you?
-Come back!
-I can't find Chronos!
Chronos is dead!
-I can't find Chronos!
-Damn you!
I smell something.
Gas!
Get down!
Come this way! It's our only chance!
Up there!
This way!
You go!
-No, you go first and help me!
-No!
Yes, plea... please!
Out with you!
Out!
This time, Dima...
I'm the winner!
Goddamn fool!
C'mon, let's go!
Get your morning paper, here!
Chronos?
Chronos!
Chronos, this way! This way!
Yes! Swim, Chronos! Over there!
C'mon, boy! Swim!
Come, Chronos! You're alive!
We're both alive, Chronos!
Just a little bit more!
Yes! Here I come!
You're alive.
Come, Chronos!