Welcome home, Hunter.
This is your house.
Gonna look out of that window.
There's your front door.
Hi, Dad.
How are you?
- Happy.
- Hi, little man.
We got to keep him out
of the sun, too, OK?
Yeah. How are you feeling?
Guess who changed
the first, like, 15 diapers?
- This guy, right here.
- Wait, wait.
Guess who was in labor for a day?
- This girl.
- I've been in labor for...
- Hi.
- That's your mama.
Hi. Hunter, this is Martine,
your new nanny.
She will probably
fix your dirty diapers
- because I won't.
- Can I see?
Yes.
Oh, my goodness. Look at this.
- He's cute, right?
- Isn't he adorable?
He's kind of smooshy looking.
I'm not gonna lie.
He's just newborn,
he's a newborn...
Seriously, the cutest baby ever,
next to me. Second to me.
Just touch him and
cuddle him all day long.
You see how tiny he is?
Do you mind if I take him?
Not if he's sleeping,
but I want to take him
on a tour of the house.
OK. He's not sleeping.
That's Abby.
Gonna be your best friend.
Bye, sweetie.
This is a fireplace.
This is how Mommy seduced Daddy...
- Oh.
- ... and that's how we got you.
And that's why you're watching
this video at 25.
This is your room.
There's your crib.
It's a little sparse right now.
Just got some
caterpillar action going on.
"Hunter. " See? Pretty cool.
This is your sister's trashed room.
- No, I'll check with him.
- Oh, there she is.
Wassup, brother
from another mother?
- What?
- No, Hunter's in...
You're never allowed to come in
here, ever. Unless I invite you.
In which case, it's gonna be
the best day of your life.
By the way, that's my bathroom.
Don't ever go in there.
That's half your bathroom. It's actually
my bathroom, 'cause I bought it.
All that is mine.
Don't pee on my seat!
This is the living room
that no one ever uses.
Hey, somebody left
the front door open!
Nice.
Don't do that, OK?
This is my first man cave.
That's where all my genius ideas come.
This is the second man cave,
where we're gonna watch
Chargers games together.
This is my 50-inch monster.
Look at that. It's beautiful.
I don't even know
if I swaddled him right.
It's just... Yeah.
Hi, baby boy. Hi.
Hi.
- He smells good.
- Yes.
You're just like Daddy.
You make poops all the time.
- Is that good?
- Si.
OK.
Is a special baby. Si?
- Thank you.
- That is so cute.
I'll get it!
- Hey! Let me see this baby.
- Hi!
- Aunt Katie!
- Where is he?
He's upstairs.
Hi.
Hi. Hi.
You are so precious.
Hi.
I already love you so much.
- My sister did good.
- Yeah.
You probably had a little
part in it, I don't know.
- Very little.
- Hi.
It's her boyfriend.
Yeah, he's a big boy, just like his...
Kinda just eating cookies.
Hello, baby.
- Dad, my burger?
- Or whatever.
- Right, sorry.
- Gimme another plate.
- Nice.
- Did you get that?
- I want you to meet my Aunt Katie.
- Wait.
Does it stay on?
It does stay on,
but I didn't want to get it wet.
Oh, no, of course not.
That would be ridiculous.
- That would ruin it.
- That is so...
- Swear to God, I will kill you.
- Look at that, perfect.
Perfect handoff right there.
She's my only niece. Not really,
but I think of her as my niece.
She's my step-niece.
- I'm the evil step-aunt.
- Step?
The evil step-aunt? I'm not sure
how to take that. I'm not sure...
Well, I'm not really evil,
but I can be evil is my point.
Dad, the face came off!
- There can be only one!
- I will not let you go.
I can't believe he's over a year old.
Where's Micah?
Oh, he...
He wasn't up for hanging out today.
I can't find the tape.
That's fine, I'm just
gonna tape over an old one.
Can you get Abby out of here, please?
She's gonna get cut on the glass!
We just got back and the whole
place has been just destroyed.
Nothing seems to be missing.
It's just, everything's really...
But that's what she's telling me.
Make sure we document everything.
Don't touch anything.
This is our foyer.
The furniture's damaged.
My daughter Ali's room.
It just feels... gross
that somebody was in here.
Master bedroom.
Yeah, so that's great.
- Your watches are still there?
- Yeah.
Diamonds are here.
The only thing missing is
the necklace my sister made me.
Oh, sweetie.
This is horrible. It's fucking horrible.
It's the nursery.
As far as I know,
this room was not touched.
This is our basement.
I don't see anything really broken.
I don't know if there's anything...
I don't think they did anything
down here. I... What is that?
Is that Abby?
It really stinks, though.
- Oh.
- Well, clothes are still here.
Your bikes are still here.
Not that you're using those.
And your bike is over here, so...
And the epic clean continues.
This looks like we had a party.
Right?
Worst party ever.
I don't know, kiddo.
This is messed up.
What are you talking about?
They didn't take anything. We're fine.
You're fine.
So this is it.
Like I said, about a week ago,
- the place was completely trashed.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- That's our daughter, Ali.
Pretty much every room in the house.
We had both doors locked.
Put one up here, up in the corner,
and then you get the whole stairway,
the front door, this whole hallway.
One over there, facing this way,
you'd get this door and this door.
Or have one in here, getting
all these windows, the sliding...
They run, like, all the time?
Yeah, they're always recording.
You can't get away with anything.
That stuff.
Corner up there, so you get
who's coming in and out
- of this door, that door.
- Bathroom.
And you get to see
the baby at night, too.
You're not putting one
in my bathroom, right?
- Yeah. What?
- Wait.
Put a camera that sees in complete dark.
It'd be perfect.
- Yeah, really?
- Yeah, oh, yeah.
- Yeah, OK, that'd be sweet.
- They'll look like motion detectors.
Little tiny hole.
I have one I could show you.
- Can you put one in that bunny?
- Very cool.
And then we can,
I can set you up with the...
Yeah, so, I'm gonna close
it up there like that.
It's hidden.
Can't even tell it's a camera.
How many are we getting?
I don't know. But what'd you...?
What, is that... six?
- I don't know.
- One, two, three...
What are you doing
out here, little buddy?
Yeah. Go get it.
You're super fast, big man.
What's Martine doing?
What is she doing?
He's good, right?
You're a good puppy.
What you say, Abby?
Hey, Hunter. Hunter,
you want another fishy?
What are you doing?
What you doing?
Oh, buddy, I think it's time for N-A-P.
What do you think?
Yeah?
Come on. Come here, buddy,
let's move this first.
OK. Aw, that's a good baby.
That's a good baby. OK.
Oh! You gotta help me
out here, buddy.
Thank you.
That's a good boy.
OK.
I know. Everything's fine,
you're just superbaby.
Did you do this all by yourself? Man,
Daddy's gonna be so proud.
OK, I'll just clean up the rest
of it when I bring you back.
What's up, Martine?
Wassup? What's up, Ali?
What were you doing?
What were you doing earlier?
When you were, like,
talking to yourself?
All crazy like.
Are you going crazy here, too?
- No... crazy.
- You're just getting it from all of us.
The house is...
There are bad things in the house?
No.
- You're getting rid of spirits. OK.
- Uh-huh.
All right.
The good ones...
- We keep the good ones.
- Yes.
In with the good, out with the bad.
In with the paella, out with the...
Holy crap, that's a lot of garlic.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
Oh, I almost got him.
One, two...
Oh, my God!
Look at what Martine left!
- Oh!
- Disgusting! I wanna throw up! It...
She put it in the freaking...
- No, you! That was you!
- It's not me!
- Don't blame somebody else!
- Hand to God!
God, there was like a live
crawdaddy in there.
- She clogged it. I can't look.
- That is a stench-ilada.
- That is horrible. You're grounded.
- I'm not capable of...
You are grounded. Awful.
This is the best bath...
- It looks pretty good.
- ... I've... I think it...
Well, if you come in,
it'll be the best bath I've ever...
It's so quiet and, like, there's
nobody here. It's fantastic.
I love Martine, but I'm kind of loving
the fact that she's not here.
- Yeah.
- What time is your sister coming?
What time is it now?
Oh, like an hour or so.
You should definitely pop in.
I don't want to smash you,
but I kind of want to get in.
You don't want to smash me?
I kinda want you to smash me.
- Really? Oh.
- Yeah.
Let me release the Kraken.
Hey.
You're OK.
I gotcha.
You're OK. You're OK.
Look, it's perfect, right?
- That's a lot of grease in there.
- I'm gonna drain it.
Here, goofy mug.
Do you need anything?
- Hey!
- Are you making breakfast?
- Thank you so much.
- How you doing?
- I was, but, uh...
- Hola.
- Did he keep you up?
- Yeah, yeah.
- He definitely kept me up.
- Yeah, he does that.
I love you so much.
- I love you so much.
- Thank you so much.
- I love you so much.
- That's OK. Aw.
You're amazing. I don't think
I'm really awake yet, though.
There's coffee.
I love my sister
She's the best
Remember that time
you tried to be a vegan
- for like six hours?
- A day and a half?
- That was a difficult time.
- It was for one meal.
- Making bacon?
- Yeah.
- Good morning.
- Yo, yo, yo, what up?
Thank you for loaning out
your beautiful girlfriend for the night.
- What up?
- She made my day.
Tell me that's not yours.
It's not really mine, no.
Thanks for not watching
the sausage for us, Ali.
I did watch it!
It's mine and hers.
She uses it most.
Cool. It's HD.
Do I get some love, too?
What?
You scared little Hunter.
How's it going?
Can I get you some coffee?
- Dude, I have a bone to pick with you.
- Yeah?
I went into Burger King,
and I was like, hey, man.
I tossed your name around and they
didn't give me any free food, dude.
I don't own, like, every Burger King.
He's not actually
the king of Burger King.
I'm not?
I'm still in the process of easing him
in to the fact that we live together
and, therefore, the house should
represent the both of us.
Well, yeah, but the both
of us, like, a give and take.
Like you have your beading
thing or whatever it is,
and then I have my area, you know?
- The whole rest of the house?
- Of manliness.
I'm telling you, that baby's gonna be
a rock star when he grows up.
Yeah, get it. Whoa!
Dad, careful, are you watching that?
There was no sign
of forced entry, but...
They trashed our whole house.
I mean, I think it was more vandalism.
See that thing in the corner?
Looks like a motion detector?
- Are you, like...?
- That's a camera.
We're watching you!
You like little wheels that roll.
You're such a ham.
Such a ham. Are you leaving?
Things have gotten a little difficult
since he learned how to open the door.
So are you freaked
out after the break in?
Yeah, I mean, I definitely was.
I don't think I was sleeping very well.
Oh, sweetie? Sweetie.
I would be freaked out,
too, if, you know,
somebody had broken into my house.
Well, it's just, they
didn't take anything. You know?
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
It seemed personal.
It feels like they're always still here.
You know? I don't know, I...
I get this feeling,
like when we were little.
What?
Never mind.
Mac and cheese,
mac and cheese.
Hey, Kris? I'm gonna go out.
I'm not gonna be in.
- Oh, OK. Where are you going?
- Just the mall.
All right, well, have fun.
- Bye!
- Bye!
Mac and cheese.
Mac and cheese.
No?
Hey, what's up there?
Let's look at baby Hunter.
Boy, that one was bad.
That's that bee bonnet that the...
He's like, that was totally humiliating.
Nobody needs to see this.
- Oh, this is crazy.
- What?
- Who do you think that is?
- Is that you?
No, that's your Aunt Katie.
That's...
- That's Katie?
- That's so weird.
I thought we lost all
our pictures in the fire.
That's great.
Yo, Martine?
Kristi and Dad are out
tonight. I'm going out tonight.
You gonna have your
boyfriend over? Have a party?
- Este Brad. Novio.
- Yeah.
He, he boy.
...want handsy, handsy,
touchy. No.
"No. "
- The handsy, handsy, touchy?
- The handsy-handsy, si.
Is that the kind of dance you
were showing me, the Handsy?
Shake it.
I thought I was gonna have
to give him the Heimlich.
Hey, what are you doing?
That's enough, Martine.
Put it down.
Martine, he's fine.
I've asked you
not to do this, OK?
It is not good for the baby.
Please,
put it out right now.
No ms, no ms.
That's enough.
Put it out right now, please.
OK, that's enough.
What are you doing?
- The baby is fine, OK?
- No, no.
The baby should not be breathing that.
Nobody should.
No, I don't...
Just stop doing it, please.
Goddamn it.
God.
OK, that's like two months.
All right?
- OK? I told you.
- Si.
I do understand, OK? I just,
I don't believe in that stuff,
OK? It's just... I cannot have that
stuff in my house. OK?
- OK.
- I'm sorry.
Can I give you a great
recommendation, OK?
You were very good for us.
Da-da.
Come on, make Daddy proud.
Say, "Da-da. "
Hunter, look over here.
Hunter?
You are so like your dad.
Sweetie. Sweetie?
Come on, come on.
What are you looking at?
Look at Mama.
Look at Mama.
Buddy? What? What? Oh.
Look over here.
There's nothing there, goofball.
Where are you going?
Hunter?
I can't see you back there.
We were up in the nursery,
playing, and I was trying
to get him to say "Da-da" again,
and he just wouldn't focus.
He was looking at the ceiling and
mirror, everywhere but me.
Well, he's a baby. He's got an attention
span of a guppy. You know?
I guess, but there was definitely
something he was focused
on, and it wasn't
my pretty face.
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
- What's going on?
- Nothing much.
Check this out.
- Dad, can you please not do that?
- Yeah, night vision.
Cool, I'm gonna get nail polish
on the bed. Please?
You got freaky eyes.
You look like a possum.
Dad.
- There we go.
- Painting my nails, Dad.
Why are you in here?
What do you want?
- Sorry, crabby.
- I'm not crabby.
You're Crabby McRumpelstein.
- Why did I fire Martine?
- Yeah.
Because I didn't like her
doing all that weird
- witchy stuff around Hunter.
- It wasn't witchy.
It wasn't witchy...
It wasn't hurting anybody.
It made her feel better,
and she wanted to make us feel better.
She was, like, slaughtering goats
out by the pool, OK?
- No, she wasn't.
- All right.
Good luck and it's... Stay in the lines.
- What? Dad!
- Check it.
- On! Stop!
- Off.
Let me get one more. Oh!
Come here.
Come here, come on.
It's OK.
It's OK, buddy. It's OK.
No.
It's OK, buddy,
there's nothing there.
Is that what
woke you up, buddy?
Daniel!
Daniel?
God. Nasty.
- Dad, don't pick it up with your hands.
- Why not?
Because it could, like...
They can have diseases and stuff...
- It flew into the window...
- It's so sad.
I don't even want to look at it.
- What?
- Its neck is all broken.
Oh, my God,
just put it in the thing!
- I'm trying to...
- Why did you pick it up with tong...?
- I don't know.
- What do you think?
- Stop!
- Medium, medium rare?
- You're really mean.
- It's just a dead bird.
- Oh.
- It was a live bird. And then it...
- It's really sad.
- OK.
You like the ball? You like ball?
Ball, ball, hit it. Smack it!
What's in there? Get in.
What's in there?
Oh, buddy. Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy.
Hunter? Oh, shit.
Hunter, come here! Come here.
Fuck!
What are you doing
back out here? Go.
Your dog does
not like pool cleaners.
Yo, what's the deal with your dog?!
Honestly, we're not really sure.
Splash, splash. One, two, three.
Splash, splash, splash.
This is the cutest thing
I've ever seen.
Splash, splash, splash.
I think I might definitely start to
replace my girlfriend with this camera.
- Uh-huh. See? We're scared.
- It's got more features.
Flip the thing, film yourself.
It flips. Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, shit.
- Then it shows you...
No. I'm definitely
getting one of these.
I'll bet you guys go
extracurricular with this.
Who has time for that?
We've got a baby.
How's Daniel Rey
and his brood doing?
Oh, apparently, we have a ghost.
Did you hear about this?
I did not. Please elaborate,
'cause that's a very strange thing to...
A couple pots fell off our pot
hanger thing in the kitchen.
- You definitely have a ghost.
- Straight to ghost.
That's the most logical...
She thinks everything is, like,
a ghost or a... Don't you, honey?
What?
- Think everything is a ghost?
- You don't have a ghost.
- Yeah, you're definitely haunted.
- No.
You and your sister are, like, freaky...
- Katie, you're into this stuff?
- You don't know this stuff?
They used to do, like, sances
and shit when they were little.
- No!
- Yes.
We didn't do sances.
- No.
- Who'd you talk to?
You're making a mountain
out of a molehill.
- Katie...
- Babe, it was really no big deal.
- What's no big deal?
- I probably, you know,
I just don't talk about
this stuff anymore.
What stuff?
They used to do sances
when they were little kids.
It's really not that funny. You're
laughing. It's not a big deal, babe.
The truth is, when we were kids,
we got a little freaked out,
but it's really no big deal.
And we're having a good day
today, so let's just...
- We'll explore this in detail later.
- Let's focus...
What about the Lizzie Borden one?
The axe murderer one?
You're thinking
of every, like, childhood...
How, where do, how would I...
Back me up...
How would I know this stuff
if you didn't tell us?
What's your take
on this ghost situation?
I think it's awesome.
Jesus Christ!
Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
There it is.
Ali!
- I thought we said good night, Brad!
- Yeah, no. We did...
- Get the fuck out of here right now!
- I'm not even here.
Ali, did you
leave the burner on?
No?
You almost burned the fucking house...
Not cool, Brad.
How could I put it up wrong?
It's on a hook.
- Once it goes up, it's up.
- You were probably putting
it on the edge of the top part,
instead of inside.
The fact that it fell a second time
probably proves
- that you put it up wrong both times.
- OK.
You want me to show
you how to put it up?
No, no, no.
Then why are you putting
the pool cleaner
back in every morning?
For the last week?
'Cause it's a pool cleaner, and I want
it to clean the pool.
- How does it get out at night?
- How does it get out?
- Yeah.
- Is it taking the car? Is it...
Oh, come on, honey.
No, really.
I don't know. I assume somebody takes it
out when they go swimming.
I don't take it out,
and you don't take it out.
Ali, do you take the pool
cleaner out of the pool?
- What?
- Do you take the pool
- cleaner out of the pool?
- No.
What? So it's crawling
out of the pool?
It's crawling
out of the pool by itself?
I don't know. Let's...
You know what?
You wanted all the cameras.
Let's go check the DVR.
Fine, let's go check it.
- You serious?
- Yeah, I'm very serious.
We'll find out what else is going
around here at night.
- Can I tape it, though?
- Yeah.
- What?
- See?
That is weird.
Maybe I have it set too high
or something, I don't know.
No.
No, I don't, I don't think
the settings are off.
Maybe the settings are off.
That's what we got it for.
It's probably trying to be proactive.
Do the little patio.
It's like one of those
vacuum cleaner things you set up.
Yeah, it's like a Flowbee, but with...
I don't know if the house is
haunted, but I hope it is.
- You hope it is?
- Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
That would be fucking awesome.
Why would you hope
that the house is haunted?
That'd be the coolest thing ever.
If there was somebody trying to,
like, get through to us,
- that would be amazing.
- No, I just...
Kristi is obviously not sleeping.
Dude.
She doesn't have any...
Her hormones are all kooky.
She's got... paranoid mommy...
...just interpreting them
in the wrong way.
Like, she's seeing them as,
as harmful and dangerous.
And maybe we should just see them
as something trying to, like...
Like, I think we should have a sance.
- We could go full out... What?
- That's a great idea.
Just freaky. I don't...
I don't believe in it.
Why do you think that it necessarily
has to be bad, though?
That's all I'm asking.
- How would it be good?
- Like, what if it's Mom?
- Hey, guys.
- What?
There's something you need to see.
- What are you talking about?
- What's going on?
- You're freaking me out.
- You have to see...
Honey, what are
you talking about?
What are... you talking about?
What is it?
- I don't see anything.
- I don't understand.
- Yeah!
- That's not funny.
Yeah!
Sweetie?
Come on,
that was kind of funny, right?
I just, I hate it when you
don't take me seriously.
I'm sorry, honey. I do take you
seriously. I was just trying to...
I'm just trying to lighten things up.
I just want us to kind of
get back to normal.
Like I was thinking maybe
we could go out?
- Like... like grownups?
- Yeah, right.
Right. How am I gonna leave?
Why, why are
you laughing? We can go.
- Martine's gone.
- No, Ali can watch the baby.
With the break in, and all
the weird stuff going on,
I just don't want to leave him alone.
You know, we can't just
let this affect us that much.
If we do that, the terrorists win.
Right?
I miss you, you know?
I miss my wife, the fun wife.
And I know I've been kind of a tool.
And I just wanna...
Oh, my God.
He looks so tired. Look at him.
He's almost passed out.
Yeah, I think somebody has time
for a nap. Come here, buddy.
- Bye. Bye, grumpster.
- Oh, I know. Fussy baby.
Fussy fussy.
God! Hot! Oh, man!
Did you leave the heater
on in the hot tub?
- No.
- No?
- It's like a million degrees in there!
- No. Why would I...
That was two nights ago,
and I turned it off.
- Oh, my God. Are you OK?
- Were you out there with Brad?
- Yeah, two nights ago.
- Honey, honey. What's going on?
It wouldn't be boiling. The highest
it goes up to is like 90-something.
Give me something cold.
Like, peas?
- Are you OK?
- God.
God. Boiled my nuts right now.
- What exactly...
- I'm gonna call that guy.
I didn't do anything.
I didn't do anything.
All right, so all the emergency numbers
are in this cabinet.
Yep.
But now his new doctor is in there.
And also his allergist.
- And remember, no peanuts on anything.
- I know, no peanuts.
Make sure the doors and the
windows are locked, OK?
Upstairs, in the back,
out front, every...
- Go!
- I love you.
- Have a great time with him.
- Bye.
- I love you!
- Bye. Have a good time.
- Take the money. Coming!
- Bye! Say, "Bye, Mama!"
Bye. Bye!
Don't get too wasted!
Bye!
Can you say bye-bye?
Jesus Christ.
- What the...?
- Hello?
- Did I scare you?
- Yes.
Lightly. Have to warm up the board.
You have to warm up the board?
If a spirit's present,
will you give us a sign?
Like, literally, anything.
- Literally...
- Yeah, no, there's...
OK. What do you want?
- Brad. Brad.
- I'm not moving it.
It's not me.
"P"...
..."U"...
- Ali, are you doing this?
- No, I'm fucking not.
..."S"...
..."S"...
- What the fuck?
- Wait, it's still going.
It goes to the "Y."
Oh, it spells "pussy. "
I mean, what, what...
Hey, hey, hey.
Pussy?!
Maybe the spirit...
spirits want some pussy.
Spirits?
Yes, the spirits might
be horny at the moment.
- You never know. I know I am.
- Pussy.
You know what?
We should keep going.
- Wait, do you feel that?
- Yes, 'cause you're moving it.
No, I'm not moving it.
No, this time
I'm really not moving it.
- It's...
- Wait. "H"...
Pussy-ehh.
No, Ali, I'm really, I'm really
not moving it this time.
I promise you.
No, what the fuck?
Are you doing this?
No.
"N"...
- ... "T"...
- "Pussy Hunt. "
It's like the worst
game of Ouija ever.
Did you spell that? Are you trying
to tell me something?
Yeah, yeah,
I spelled "pussy hunt. "
Would you like me
to go on a pussy hunt?
I can do that for
you right now.
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Complete bamboo flooring as low
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These deals...
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Lumber Liquidators' warehouse
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...incredible prices
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Cabinets To Go doesn't have
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but they do have
superb qual...
Brad?
Come on.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
Hi.
Ali?
Oh.
Oh, there you go,
that's better, right?
Ali?
Is Ali upstairs?
- No, she isn't up here.
- She's not upstairs?
Ali? Ali!
Dad? Dad? Kristi?
- Where have you been?!
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
- What happened?
- I'm so sorry. I got locked out.
Why would you even answer the door to
somebody just knocking?
- Just open the door?
- No, I thought...
Did you look outside
to see who it was?
Yes! Yes, I couldn't.
But that's the thing, see.
I couldn't see anybody, and I thought
that Brad was out there.
But if you don't see anybody,
then you don't go outside!
Your little brother
was upstairs by himself.
- I know. I was freaking out.
- Right?
I know. I didn't,
I've never, I swear to God,
I never would
have done that.
I don't understand.
What happened?
It wasn't an accident because something
slammed the door behind me.
- We were worried sick about...
- What do you mean? Wait...
I took a nap, and I heard somebody
calling my name.
- What?
- I felt something,
like somebody was calling my name,
and I felt somebody there.
Are you sure you
weren't just dreaming?
You weren't there.
You didn't feel it.
- The wind blew the door closed.
- There wasn't any wind.
All right? I don't want to hear any more
of this haunted house crap!
OK? That's enough. You guys are
driving me crazy.
End of story.
It was like you said,
with the pots falling.
- You know what?
- I was taking a nap,
- and something was calling my name.
- Sweetheart...
I'm just gonna go
calm him down, OK?
Just go upstairs
and try to go to bed, OK?
OK, buddy.
There you go. No, no, no.
You're eating breakfast now.
You want it
on here instead?
OK.
Morning.
Good morning.
Nice.
Bye, little buddy. Hot, hot, hot.
OK, Hunter. Got to eat.
Got to eat. Come on, buddy.
I'm having these really
fucked up nightmares...
...which is not something
that's really new,
but I'm having different ones.
There was one in particular.
Well, there were...
I've had a couple dreams where my teeth
are falling out, which is really weird.
And there's one in particular,
where this guy is standing
at the foot of my bed...
...watching me sleep,
and it's not like a scary robber dream.
I can't see his face or anything,
but he was like...
...about, like, a foot back...
...from the bed there. So...
That's what's been up.
I don't get it.
How can you not want a back rub?
Because I'm concentrating.
- But you know you love it.
- Stop.
But this site says that if it's,
like, really persistent,
which it is, obviously, at this point,
that it's probably not a ghost.
It's probably something else.
And it's possibly a demon.
Well, what's the difference
between a demon and a ghost?
Because ghosts are dead people,
so they're, like, human energy.
And demons are not human.
They're just...
...like, evil.
Psyching yourself out,
looking online there.
I'm not psyching myself out.
Remember when I told you that my mom
thought she had that, like,
that flesh-eating disease?
She freaked herself out.
It's kinda like that, you know?
- Oh, my God. Babe, here.
- Let me see it.
Like fourth paragraph down.
"It has been said that
if a human makes a bargain
with a demon for wealth,
power, or any other benefit,
they must forfeit
their firstborn male.
If the debt is not honored,
the demon will follow the... "
Why are you smiling?
It's not funny.
"... will follow the defaulter
and his or her brood
until its soul
of an infant is collected. "
So?
OK, so this is
the freakiest thing ever.
It happened to me last night.
This is the door...
...closing by itself.
That's me walking outside.
Yeah. Dad!
Will you come in here, please?!
OK, please stand over here
and watch this.
Jesus.
Don't look at me, look at the screen.
Yeah. The wind blows
the door closed.
- Dad.
- Thank you.
Are you serious?
- It's happened to me a million times.
- There's no wind!
The wind comes from the back
when the windows are open.
It's inside the house
and nothing else is open!
Turn it off and stop
messing with the system.
Dad, there's obviously
something in the house!
Please, come on.
It's the same thing
Martine's been saying.
Come get your dinner. It's getting cold.
I think I just heard something
coming from downstairs.
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck.
Shit!
It woke me up.
Like, it sounded like
the door or something.
So I kind of checked it out
and Dad was snoring.
And... I caught it on here.
Do you want to see?
- Right there, you see?
- That's weird.
It's definitely weird.
It just freaks me out because
it just reminds me of like...
...what Martine was saying
about the house.
What did she say
about the house?
She said that there were
bad spirits in the house
that she had to clear out. She was
clearing out the bad spirits
and letting in the good spirits.
But something like that...
I don't have any other explanation for.
Do you?
I don't. I...
I remember being scared
all the time.
What do you mean "scared
all the time," though?
- I don't know.
- No, but what do you mean?
- Like you felt, you felt scared...
- I don't remember.
I mean,
I've been... I'm scared.
So what, did she,
like, lock herself out?
Well, she said the
door slammed shut on its own.
- No.
- Oh, yeah.
That's pretty darn creepy.
Yeah.
Listen, this is gonna sound
totally crazy, and I know that, but...
I've been having this
feeling lately that,
that maybe whatever happened
to us when we were little...
I think it's starting again.
I don't want to talk about this, Kristi.
I don't remember anything.
I just remember being
scared all the time. What...
You want to know what I remember?
I remember you crying all the time.
I remember you couldn't sleep,
and you got anxiety attacks.
I remember that you
stopped talking for months.
I remember weird people
came to our house
and our mom was upset all the time.
That's what I remember.
Whatever it was, it thrived on fear.
The more we paid attention to it,
the worse it got.
You need to leave this alone.
You need to ignore it,
or you're gonna end up just like Mom.
Do you understand me?
Do you understand me?
Yeah, OK. I will.
Wanna go for a walk?
Abby.
Come on.
Oh, God!
God! Leave me alone!
Yo, Kris?
Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Did something just happen?
...completely fine.
Everything is fine.
Look at me.
Kristi.
Honey, everything is fine.
It's obviously not. Look at...
Your Aunt Katie said that we can't
talk about these things, OK?
Because if you do,
it just goes... worse.
- Listen.
- What do you mean?
Everything's fine. Ali, just stop.
Everything's fine.
OK.
No, but listen to me. That other
website said that some people...
...like, make deals with demons
for wealth and power.
So what if, what if
Kristi's great grandmother
made a deal with a demon
so she could get rich?
I went through the entire,
I went through
the entire family line.
And Hunter is the first male
to be born on Kristi's side
since, at least, the 1930s.
Don't tell me that shit
isn't coincidence.
Lie down.
Good girl.
- Dad?
- Yeah.
Did you hear that?
I heard something.
What the fuck?
Oh, God, it's Abby. Abby? Abby.
- What's the matter, baby?
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God.
- Is she OK?
Yeah. No, no, no. Honey,
grab my keys and stuff?
- Grab my shoes!
- What's going on?
I don't know. There's something
wrong with Abby.
- Dad, I'm going with you!
- She's still breathing.
- What can I do? What should I do?
- Stay here with Hunter.
OK.
And I'll call you
when we get there.
- OK.
- Oh, my God.
Just call me back
when you get this.
Let me know if she's OK.
OK, love you.
Hey...
Is she gonna be OK?
I love you. Bye.
Oh, God, please!
Let go of me!
No, don't! Hunter! Please!
Please!
No, I don't know. They thought
it was a seizure.
No, she's never
had one before, ever.
- And she was making this noise.
- Ali?
Babe, I got to call you
right back, OK?
Honey, I'm really sorry
to do this to you.
I know this is
really bad timing.
There's something wrong
with Kristi, OK?
- I can't get her out of bed.
- What's wrong with her?
...guys from Portland. I've been
putting them off for weeks.
- I can't blow them off.
- OK, please, listen to me.
Can I just take
Hunter to Brad's?
No, I need you to stay here.
And I'll come home
when you come home.
Honey, I know this sucks.
I do, I know, OK?
I know you're freaked
out and I'm really sorry.
I'll be there for like
two hours, all right?
And I have to pick
up Abby. OK?
Please? I'm sorry, OK?
I... call me. I'll be, like, two hours.
If anything's wrong,
just call me and
I'll be right here, OK?
OK.
I just cannot
miss this today.
- Thank you. OK?
- OK, bye.
All right, don't worry. Lock
the door behind me, OK?
Yeah, I mean, obviously.
No, I put him down.
He's sleeping.
She's not here.
She's still at the vet's.
No, 'cause they have to run tests 'cause
they don't know what it was.
Brad, it was...
like fucking...
I've never heard
her cry like that.
Or just tell them that you want to come
over for an hour.
Please?
Please. No, I just don't
want to be here alone.
Yeah, well, basically.
She's sick or something.
OK. OK, bye.
Love you, too. Bye.
Oh, my God.
OK, so, just found this
on the basement door.
Um... I don't really know
where it came from.
I think that that's blood,
but I can't really tell.
This comes up pretty high.
I don't think she could get up there.
It kind of looks like letters,
but I don't really know what it means.
What the fuck is that?
Kristi?
Kristi?
Hey, sweetpea.
What's going on?
Come here, sweetie.
Oh, yeah.
Dad?
You have to come home right now. Dad,
you have to come home.
Something is really
wrong with Kristi. Please!
Please,
come home, please.
Please, just, please, come home.
Please. Please.
Kristi?
Kristi? Hunter's crying.
Don't touch him!
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Are you OK?
- No!
- Oh, my. Where is she?
- She's upstairs.
She's in Hunter's room.
You can't go up there!
- I have to see if she's OK.
- You can't go up there!
You have to
look at the tape!
- I have to check on Hunter.
- She got attacked!
You have to watch the tape! Please!
Please, please,
just listen to me!
Dad, we have to go right now.
Fuck. Dad? Dad, look at me.
Do you believe me now?
Come on! We can't stay here! Please!
Dad!
What are you doing?
She tried to warn me,
and I wouldn't listen.
Wait, who are you talking about?
Dad, who are you talking about?
What?
Olive oil?
What?
What am I gonna do with this?
- This is gonna knock her out?
- Si.
I told you to stay here.
OK, you're kind of freaking
me out right now, OK?
Can you please talk to me?
Dad, look at her leg.
Look at the bite.
What the fuck?!
No, no. No way, no way.
We can't do this to her.
It's her family.
- Please, please...
- What am I supposed to do?!
It's Kristi's fucking sister!
We can't do that to her!
We can't do this.
We cannot do this to her.
Look, there is no other way.
Yes, there is. We can transfer
it to somebody else.
- No, we can't. No, we can't.
- That's what we have to do.
OK? Martine said it had
to be a blood relative.
OK? That's my wife
and my son!
- That is your little baby brother!
- Do we tell her?
- Do we tell her what happened?
- No, we never tell anyone.
She's not even
gonna remember, OK?
Martine said she's not
gonna remember, OK?
And we're not gonna
talk about it, ever!
And I don't care if you
agree with me or not, OK?
It's my decision!
I'm doing it!
What...?
Let's go, please.
Please, Dad.
Dad?
Dad, please, please, be careful. Please.
Kristi?
Kristi?
Dad!
Dad! I can't see anything! Dad?!
- Ali, where are you?
- I'm right here!
Where are you?!
I'm right here! I'm right here!
- Here, here, take it.
- Fuck.
Fuck! Where's the...
Where's the baby?!
I don't know!
Dad, let's get out of here! Come on!
OK, OK.
Stay right there, OK? Just stay there.
- No! No, no!
- Stay there!
Just stay behind me, OK?
Just stay right there!
OK. OK.
What's happening?!
Oh, my God.
Ali!
Oh, my God!
- They're in the basement.
- Are you OK?
- Dad?
- Just, just stay there! OK.
Dad. Dad.
- Just stay here. OK?
- OK.
Hunter!
Oh, Jesus.
I can't see anything.
What the fuck?
Jesus! Fuck!
Oh! Fuck!
Hunter!
Damn it.
I almost gotcha. Almost gotcha.
OK, I got you. Oh, God.
I got you, little buddy.
Are you OK?
OK, you stay there.
All right. Are you ready?
You're gonna like this.
I am ready,
I'm thrilled. I'm excited.
Is it a tie? Is it...?
Oh! Shocking!
So how are things... here?
Is there any more weird stuff
- going on or, you know?
- No.
- No?
- Everything's great.
Good. I must be losing
my mind. I just...
I feel like there's stuff
going on at our house,
to the point where I actually
told Micah about it,
and I'm sure he thinks I'm crazy.
You should take your own advice.
We shouldn't talk about this
stuff. It just drives us nuts.
- You're right.
- Sis?
Goodbye, Hunter!
- I love you, little fella!
- Bye, Auntie!
- Bye, sis. See you soon.
- All right.
What is that?
Hello, baby.
Hi.
Is that what I think it is?
Yeah, it's... I don't know
what you think it is,
but whatever it is,
it's pretty sweet.
I think it's a giant-ass camera.
What happened to, like,
the little handheld?
Easy to move around, versatile.
Are you gonna park the car or are you
gonna stand there, looking at me?
This is... big and impressive,
and it has a really bright light on it.
- Kiss the camera, will you?
- I'm not kissing the camera.
- Come on.
- How much did this cost you?
- What?
- How much did...
I'll kiss you, but I'm not
gonna kiss the camera.
You want to get your coffee at the
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America runs on Dunkin'.
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Daniel?
Is that you?
Katie?