1
FRED: Teddy?
TEDDY: Hmm.
FRED: If you were in the olden times,
what would you do?
TEDDY: Which olden times?
FRED: Like, King Arthur,
with knights and horses and shit.
I'd be the king!
You can't be king, dog. No way.
Dude, if I went back,
I'd be the fucking king.
I'd be the king.
Then, I'd fuck every
virgin in the kingdom.
No, you can't be
king, asshole. Okay?
You can't even be duke.
The fact that you fucking said
that shows you're not royalty.
You're a peasant.
Peasant!
Dude, but think about it.
When people time travel,
they go back
aren't they always the king,
or they know the king?
But that's in stories. In stories
everybody's going to be the king.
It's Aristotle shit.
It's not real.
Yeah, but neither
is time travel.
There're very few fucking kings and
you wouldn't be one of them, okay?
King Teddy?
King Teddy?
That's a fucking turd's name, dude.
(SCOFFS) Fuck you, Fred.
Fuck you, you're an idiot.
You're an idiot.
I know.
If you were king,
I'd fucking kill myself.
Then you better die,
motherfucker,
'cause I'm the king
around these parts.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Fuck, Fred.
(FRED LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Oh, shit!
(HORN HONKING)
Whoo!
That felt so fucking good.
That felt so...
MR. B: Hey, April!
Wanna join us?
All right girls, circle up.
Bring it in.
Have a stretch.
All right, on the ground.
Oh, I'm so wet.
(GIGGLES)
Not in a good way, either.
Mr. B's a hottie, though.
SHAUNA: Fuck, I know.
Right? (CHUCKLES) Too bad he
wants to get it in with April!
CHRISSY: I know.
No, he doesn't.
Why would you say that?
You just went to have a fucking
cigarette during practice!
I said I was going
to the bathroom.
I'd go for it, if I were you.
Guys, it's so awkward.
I baby-sit his kid.
So?
(BOTH LAUGH)
I bet he makes a really
ugly face when he comes.
You pervert!
No, I'm just saying...
I bet it's like this.
He's like...
All right girls!
Good practice.
Oh, shit! You think
he heard what I said?
Yeah, he saw you. He's like,
"Wait, that's my face." (CHUCKLES)
April, can I talk
to you for a minute?
Hey, you think you can
babysit Michael on Saturday?
I have a date.
I don't know why I try.
Dates are always stupid.
(CHUCKLES)
Um, yeah,
I can babysit on Saturday.
Great.
And I think you
should play striker.
I know it's a lot of responsibility,
lot of pressure,
but you look really
good out there, so...
Thanks.
Great.
So, I'll see you Saturday.
Okay, yeah.
Okay.
(TAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)
Fred.
Hey.
Come on, let's get
the fuck out of here.
Teddy, what would you do if
you got into a car accident?
Uh, I'd be pissed.
If it was a drunk
driving accident,
and you were the
one that was drunk?
It's bad, you crashed right into
another car, but your car still runs.
Shit.
And the other person could be dead,
or they could just be a little
whiplashed but you don't know.
Who is the person?
You don't know, man! That's the point.
You can either wait around and
the other person could be April
and you two could fall in love,
or you can get the fuck out of there.
Either way you have to decide.
Pretend like it happened now.
(CAR THUDS)
Boom! That's the accident.
What would you do?
I drive away.
Drive away?
Yeah.
You fucking drive away?
Yeah.
That's your final answer?
FRED: Shit, you got
issues, nigger.
Hi, Meatball. Hi.
I know. Did you miss me?
Come here.
Oh, hi, silly pretty thing.
Hey, Stewart.
Get that terrible rodent
out of here.
Were you playing video games?
Shooting hookers?
(CHUCKLES)
Yes. (CHUCKLES)
Brilliant.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, speaking of brilliant.
I corrected your paper.
I called it
"Alexander the Dubious."
You could have
just corrected it,
you didn't have
to rewrite the whole thing.
It needed quite a bit
of work, sweetie.
Okay.
Thanks.
Bye.
JANE: What happened with your
colonoscopy today? Are you okay?
Yeah, hold on a minute.
April's here.
I just wanna say hi to her,
will you hold on for a sec?
Hi.
Hi, honey. How are you?
Yeah, I'm good.
Just kind of tired.
I'm gonna go lie down
for a little.
You look tired.
Just said that.
You really need to rest.
Are you depressed?
No, why do you always
ask me if I'm depressed?
I'm not depressed.
I'm tired.
All right.
I love you.
Okay, Jamal, I'm gonna
call you back in a little bit.
(GASPS)
I don't care. Tsk.
Whatever!
You don't wanna talk to me?
I don't wanna talk to you first.
And I'm not doing that paper.
'Cause I don't give a fuck.
This is what I think.
Later.
No one even cares
'cause you're fat.
JANE: What is this homework?
APRIL: It's algebra.
Phew, I would never be able to do that.
How do you do that?
Because I have to.
JANE: My little baby!
I'm not a baby.
You're such a little baby.
Mmm-mmm.
You are.
You need to relax and rest.
Okay, so everyone knows
how to play, right?
You just say,
"Never have I ever..."
And then if you've done
the thing you have to drink.
Like if you say,
"I've never cheated on my boyfriend"
and you have cheated on your boyfriend,
then you have to drink!
Um, never have I ever given
Seth Monkarsh a blow-job
during free period
in the senior parking lot.
WOMAN: Uh-oh.
Drink up, Chrissy.
(MAN CHUCKLING)
Yup.
Okay fine, my turn.
Um, hmm.
Never have I ever...
(CHUCKLES)
Kissed my uncle.
WOMAN: What?
Are you fucking serious?
That was private.
Fucking freak.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Hey, April.
Hey, Teddy. Oh!
You all right there?
The chair's broken.
(HAMMERING CONTINUES)
Do you need a light?
Sure.
Thanks.
Would you mind your own business?
These are my stepbrother's.
Not like they're fucking working anyway.
(CHUCKLES)
This party sucks.
Do you wanna go over
to the graves for a bit?
Yeah.
Do you wanna come?
Sure.
(SNORTS)
Never have I ever
had a lesbianic experience.
I've never been in love.
I think it's bullshit.
(ALL LAUGHING)
FRED: I stole
your lamp shade.
APRIL: Oh, my God.
I'm gonna fall.
(SCREAMS)
APRIL: Oh, my God!
(CHUCKLES) Ah, I got you guys.
It's uncool dude,
there could be ghosts around here.
Jesus.
Don't even say that.
Hey, you guys remember that kid in
eighth grade who suicided himself?
Yeah, that's...
I remember that.
The Asian kid?
Yeah.
Why do you think
he killed himself?
He's buried here.
I think he killed himself because he
was Asian. I think it's pretty obvious.
What does that even mean?
It means his parents
pressured the shit out of him
because he was Asian, duh?
I don't think that's true.
I don't really think you know any
better than me, so no point talking.
Okay.
You got it.
Oh, shit!
Whoo!
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Stop!
My parents
are gonna fucking flip.
Wow.
It's kind of hard.
That's what she said.
It's cool looking.
FRED: Ted, check this out.
(CHUCKLES)
Be careful.
Do you think it hurts
shooting yourself?
Probably for a second.
But, er,
I think pain only hurts if it's prolonged.
If I was going to kill myself,
I'd kill a bunch of other people and take
'em down with me.
I wouldn't waste it.
Why wouldn't you do like a bunch
of really crazy good things
you know, like help people
or save kids or something.
I think when you're suicidal, though, you're
probably only thinking about yourself.
I don't know.
I try to be good.
Fuck good, guys.
(CHUCKLES) Fuck good.
Live the dangerous life.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Where have you been?
Listen. I asked Tyler
if he'd go out with me.
And either he
didn't hear me or he...
I don't know why he would...
(INDISTINCT SHOUTS)
(CHEERING)
Whoo!
TEDDY: Where'd April go?
FRED: Are you still hung up on April, dude?
Get over it.
Be strong.
Be strong.
(LAUGHTER IN THE DISTANCE)
GIRL: Bye!
(EXHALES)
You okay?
Shut up.
(GROANS)
Did you get it all out?
(SPITS) Shut up.
Do you want some water?
Mouthwash.
Okay, come on.
It's in the bathroom.
(PIANO PLAYS)
Oh, yeah!
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
And the boring days
are like clockwork
What's up, April?
How you doing?
Good.
Nice.
I like your skirt or dress,
I don't know what it is.
But it's really pretty.
The color brings out your eyes or
something, it's really... I like it.
It's tight.
Even your moccasins,
those are awesome also.
(VOCALIZING)
Just got it all going on.
APRIL: Thanks.
You enjoying the party?
Yeah, it's fun.
You know what
your outfit's missing?
Is this hat.
I think it'd complete it.
Actually... You look good
as is, actually.
You're raging tonight or
you're just kind of chilling?
Raging.
We're going off, huh?
Yeah.
I'm asking...
Do you want to do a shot
or something?
Yeah, cheers to that.
Let's go grab one. Wow.
Whoo.
(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)
(BELT BUCKLE CLINKS)
(ZIPPER UNZIPS)
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
Oh, fuck!
Have you seen April around here?
She's right there, man.
Fred, let's get
the fuck out of here, man.
Hey Teddy, where are we going?
Fucking nowhere.
On a scale of one to baked,
how baked are you?
Fucking baked!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
What the fuck?
(ENGINE REVVING)
What the fuck was that?
Dude, what the fuck
are you doing?
How the fuck did you know?
How did I know what?
How did you know I'd get
in a fucking accident?
I didn't.
What do you mean how did I know?
What if, yeah, what if?
Just stop, stop.
Let me out.
Teddy, you're not really
blaming me for this, are you?
Really?
I'll see ya.
You know,
you're being kind of a dick.
(SIGHS)
(SIRENS WAILING)
Fuck.
WOMAN: That's him, Officer.
OFFICER: Okay.
That's definitely the car.
Okay, it seems like you're
the one I'm looking for.
Someone called
your plates in, buddy.
Can I see your license?
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the vehicle.
To the front of the car,
over there.
Now face this way.
It's a kid.
Walk in a straight line.
I can't do that.
Okay, then recite the alphabet
backwards from Z to A.
Backwards?
Yes.
Can't do that shit.
Why don't you try?
Oh. See, we got
a wise one here, huh?
I'm not fucking wise, Chip.
I just can't recite
my alphabet backwards.
Can't even do that shit sober.
OFFICER: Listen, smart ass.
You can either do
the sobriety test,
or I can take you to the hospital
and you can do a blood test.
What do you wanna do?
Y-X-Z... F-U-C-K U!
U! U! U!
U, U!
You have the right to remain silent.
Fuck you.
Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.
Do you understand that?
You have the right
to an attorney.
If you cannot afford one,
one will be appointed for you.
Do you understand these rights?
Yeah, fuck you, too.
OFFICER: Hey!
Put your head down.
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
Fucking pig!
(SIGHS)
Oh!
Holy fucking shit!
What?
No fucking way, this is too good.
What is it?
How do we not know about this?
What is it?
Do you know
that Emily has a blog?
You're kidding me. Holy shit!
Look at these pictures.
CHRISSY: Who does that?
Emily blew Teddy last night
in your parents' bedroom.
SHAUNA: You're lying.
Mmm-mmm.
How do you know that?
CHRISSY: Seth told me.
How gross is that?
In my parents' bedroom?
(LAUGHS)
She will suck any dick that
anyone puts in her face.
God almighty!
She's going down.
(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING)
What are you playing?
Doodle.
What's that?
It's just like you have to get
the turtle to the other side.
Come on, enough of this game.
Let's watch a movie.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
I don't think I'm allowed
to watch this movie.
Why? It's a good movie.
Whoa.
Okay, I think you're right.
It's time for bed, okay?
I don't wanna go to bed.
I like this movie.
I bet you do.
Come on, let's go. Bed time.
(GROWLING)
(HISSES)
(MEOWING)
I want us to be able
to be friends.
I always asked you
to hang out and like...
(CHUCKLES)
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
A back area and like,
hang out there with, like...
MR. B: Hey.
Hi.
(SIGHS)
What are you watching?
I don't know.
Some reality show.
Ah.
Well, that was a shitty date.
What happened?
Nothing.
Just like always.
Teachers are so boring.
I can't believe you guys have to
sit there and listen them all day.
At least I can go home.
Yeah. Well, I don't
really listen to them.
Oh, really?
You don't listen to me?
I didn't mean you.
Of course I listen to you.
Yeah, you better.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, I should go.
Sorry.
Bye.
Well, thanks again,
I really appreciate it.
Sure.
See you at practice.
I'm dizzy.
Emma, sit down.
Why?
Come on.
Teddy Morrison.
TEDDY: Yeah.
Hey, are you in trouble?
JUDGE: Mr. Morrison, this is the second
time you've been before the court.
Given the support
you have from your family,
the court would like to give you one
last chance to turn your life around.
You shall be placed on probation
for a period of 12 months
on the following terms
and conditions.
One, you shall perform 150 hours of community
service at the children's library.
Given your demonstrated talent as an artist
and painter I think you'll do quite well.
Two, you must make a formal and in
person apology to Mrs. Grossman,
the victim of the offense
and whose car you hit.
Mr. Morrison, if you fail to complete
your community service hours
or if you engage in any further
criminal conduct of any sort
your probation will be revoked and you
will be committed to juvenile hall.
All right,
thank you and good luck.
Teddy, can you help me?
Yeah.
Emma, get your shoes.
I Love you, Mom.
I love you, too, honey.
Really sorry about all this.
Don't forget to apologize
to that woman.
Try not to hang around Fred.
Love you, Mom.
Hey, Teddy, look what I can do.
Yeah. Get out of my room!
Could you get out of my room?
Get out.
He's cute.
Give me some of that.
He's not cute.
Fred?
Yes, he is.
He's horrible looking.
No, he's cute.
You think everyone's cute.
And this is how
you didn't make a basket.
Dude, chill the fuck out!
Basketball, you know how to play basketball?
It's how you play on the streets.
Fuck you!
What the fuck, Fred?
Call it, bitch.
I fucking am.
Oh, you are a bitch?
No, I'm calling a fucking foul.
You play dirty.
Oh, I play dirty?
I play dirty?
Yeah, you fucking do
and you need to chill.
Ladies, ladies.
Do you think I play dirty?
Do you think I play dirty?
Jacko, you think I play dirty?
Yeah, kind of.
What the fuck?
You're on my team.
This isn't powder puff football.
This isn't two hand touch.
Let's just play.
Chill out. God!
(SCOFFS)
(SPITS)
Real fucking tough.
Fucking cheese dicks.
Enjoy your fucking game.
See ya.
Fuck you, mama boy.
Hey, ladies, I wanna apologize
for my bad language back there.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
How's the smoking?
Fucking fine.
Mmm.
Can I try some of that
fucking fine cigarette?
That is fucking fine.
You want it back?
No?
You know what
bugs me about you, Pam?
You remind me
of a praying mantis.
You're all long and mantis like
and it just really gets on my
nerve because, you know...
How am I supposed to know if
you're a girl or a praying mantis?
I wanna go, Emily.
Don't go.
Did I offend you?
Fuck you.
Are you coming?
I don't think she wants
to go with you.
Sorry. She wants
to stay. Emily?
I think I'm gonna stay.
Yeah!
Fuck you guys.
Fuck you. Go eat some more of
your fucking mates, bitch!
Guess I kind of
ruined your friendship.
She wasn't really a friend.
Just a girl.
FRED:
Wanna get out of here?
EMILY: Yeah.
Do you wanna come over?
Yeah.
Whoa!
Emily's room.
Do you like it?
Hey, you got a lot
of shit in your room.
Yeah.
What's this?
That's my headband.
Do I look sexy?
Second grade. (CHUCKLING)
Yo, what's up?
(EMILY LAUGHING)
Where's Teddy?
Why does everybody always ask about Teddy,
seriously?
I don't know.
You're always with him.
He follows me around.
What am I supposed to do?
I'm not a rude person.
Is that your guitar?
Yeah.
I don't know how
to play it, though.
Can I play?
Yeah. Do you know how?
Yeah, fucking master of guitar.
Virtuoso.
Emily Emily, Emily, Emily
Emily, Emily, Emily
Emily, Emily, Emily
Whoo! Emily!
Whoo! Whoo! Emily!
Whoo! Whoo!
I wrote that for you.
Will you teach me how to play?
Do you wanna know
how to play guitar?
All right, here we go.
Lesson 101, G-chord.
Put your fingers here.
One finger here.
One finger here.
One finger here.
Right. Now strum.
That was not that bad.
Now, here's the second lesson.
Put...
Do you like building forts?
Sure.
(EMILY LAUGHS)
EMILY: What?
EMILY: A butterfly kiss.
Your mom never gave you those?
FRED: Mom never gave
me a butterfly kiss.
All right.
Where you going?
What do you mean?
You leaving?
Yeah.
It was fun.
Was it good?
Yeah.
It was good.
(SIGHS)
Will you call me?
Uh-huh.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Cool. All right.
Peace out.
I'll see you around.
Bye.
Yeah, whatever.
ROBIN: His arm
and that's the claw.
And these are
gonna be tentacles.
Oh, good.
Great job.
Like a man-octopus.
WILSON: And this is...
ROBIN: That's...
That's the head.
Like a melon.
Well, it's like a cantaloupe.
I wanna see... Draw a cantaloupe and I
wanna see how it looks compared to...
I'll do it but I don't get it.
Okay.
Okay.
You draw fast.
You draw really fast.
You know, Picasso drew fast.
He could draw a dove
in 16 seconds.
Sixteen seconds.
You know the dove?
Uh, yeah, the doves are great.
They are great.
But, you know, to do it in 16 seconds
it took six decades of practice.
Technical skill is not enough.
It's never enough.
He had to master the masters
before he was able
to abandon what he learned
and become Picasso.
You know, you remind
me of Sylvester Stallone.
What?
Yeah.
Underneath all that muscle,
you know, he's a very smart dude.
And, you know, he wrote Rocky.
I mean, he wrote Rocky, he wrote all four
of Rocky. I mean, that dude's smart.
(GROANS)
What?
Yeah.
MR. B: April.
What're you doing
sitting in that locker.
I don't know.
I just like it sometimes.
Surprised you can fit in there.
I guess.
Is everything okay? I haven't seen
you at practice past couple of days.
I just... I fell behind on a bunch of
schoolwork so I've been catching up.
Mmm-hmm.
I promise I'll be there next week.
Do I still get to play?
(SIGHS) Yeah. I just wanted to
make sure everything's okay.
You know you can talk to me, right?
That's part of what a coach does.
Okay.
If you need help with homework,
I'm pretty good at that, too.
Yeah, sure.
Why don't you just bring your schoolwork
to my house when you babysit next time?
Okay, I will. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah?
So, I'll see you at practice?
Yeah, I promise.
I will.
Promise? Okay.
Promise.
Don't get stuck in there.
TEDDY: I'm really sorry about
what happened. I can't...
Oh, Teddy, Teddy.
What I did.
There's... There's no
need to apologize.
No, I...
No. No, there isn't.
And do you know why?
Why?
Because you have a problem.
You're an alcoholic.
But you know that, right?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I mean, it's getting to be
such a problem now, I just...
See, that's good
that he knows that.
That I understand that.
The reason I can spot people like you
is because I have
a problem, too. Eating.
And in some way, your problem is
much easier to solve than my problem
because I have temptation at
least three times a day. And...
Thing is if you're an alcoholic
and you know you're an alcoholic
and you don't do something about
being that, you're an asshole.
That's a little much.
We're talking about
alcohol here...
Right. We're talking about
a slightly different
set of circumstances from
getting a Whitman sampler
and eating every
single chocolate in there.
You know, I don't really... You know what,
I really don't appreciate your attitude.
Hello.
I'm, uh, here for
the community service.
Oh, you must be Teddy.
Yeah, I am.
We're so happy to have you.
TEDDY: Great. LIBRARIAN:
Come on over and I'll show you around.
Twenty two, 13... Where are you 22.13?
TEDDY: Hey.
Hey!
You know what?
I'm really liking it here.
We really like you.
And you know what?
You can always come back
even after all this is over.
Right on.
Okay.
FRED: Hello.
Dude, Fred, you can't be here.
Why not? I miss you.
'Cause I'm working.
Yeah, right.
What're you doing?
What's this?
Rainbow Gremlins.
It's tight.
Used to be my favorite.
This shit is stupid.
This book is your favorite? Yeah.
Faggot.
Holy shit!
Rainbow Gremlins were gay.
Dude...
They were fucking gay.
Dude, they sucked
the juice out of rainbows.
Shut up.
We're in a library, man.
(SOFTLY) They sucked the
juice out of rainbows.
Rainbows are gay, get it?
So?
Don't get all defensive about it.
It's just a fact.
You and the Rainbow Gremlins
are gay as fuck.
Yeah, fuck you, dude.
And they just hang out all the time,
all together.
That' all they do.
Just fucking hang out.
It's exactly what we do.
What're you...
No. Fred?
You can't do that, dude.
Dude, look.
No...
Pubes.
(METAL CREAKING)
FRED: That was
really trippy, man.
It's like, think of all the people that
fucking died from eating mushrooms
before they discovered
the psychedelic ones.
Like, think about all the people that,
like, just ate mushrooms
until they found the one
that gets you all fucked up.
Hey, man, let's just try this mushroom.
See if it gets...
This is fucking
cow shit all over it.
What're you saying?
Isn't it cow shit that makes
you high from the mushroom?
Hey, you got anything
going on later?
You wanna go do something?
TEDDY: Can't.
Gotta finish this off.
Get it.
FRED:
What do you mean?
This is the one
day I can't, man.
Sorry.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know.
Dude, I don't even wanna
hang out with you.
You're boring as shit.
All you do is fucking
work and...
Fuck that shit.
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
All right.
Step one for doing homework
is turning off your phone.
Fine.
Okay.
Now, it's simple.
The way to write a good
history paper is to
choose your event and then
just explain why it happened.
History is just explaining
why things happened.
But what if I don't think there's
a reason for something happening?
Well, then you need
to think harder.
Yeah, but I do things all
the time for no reason.
Mmm-hmm.
It's because you're young.
And you don't know why you do
things but there's always a reason.
No?
Mmm-mmm.
I mean, if you wanted to, couldn't you just
say that the reason everything's happened
is because of one thing that happened at
the very, very, very beginning of time.
Mmm-hmm. If you wanted
to be a smart-ass.
Sorry.
That's okay.
I really like you.
I really like you.
Yeah, but
I'm older and I know that
there aren't a lot
of good things around
and I know that
you are really good.
(ANIMAL GRUNTING)
(MONKEYS SHRIEKING)
(MONKEYS SHRIEKING)
JANICE: Okay, Teddy.
So.
Are you high?
No.
I don't smoke anymore.
You can test me.
You drew a penis
on the runaway bunny.
That was Fred.
I didn't draw that.
You had friends
coming to visit you
while you were doing community
service at the children's library?
No one came.
It was me.
I... But I will
pay for it
and I know it was stupid... Oh, yeah.
You are going to pay for the book.
But you're not gonna do
your hours there anymore.
They really like me there and...
No, they don't like you.
They don't like you one bit.
You're lazy and you carved
"ape" in the bench outside.
It was "April."
Why would you carve "April"?
I don't know.
What kind of jerk defaces
a children's library?
I mean, come on!
People are counting on you.
Your parents are
counting on you.
Your little sister is counting on you.
What kind of example are you?
What goes through your mind when you do it?
Or do you not think at all?
I'm gonna put myself
on the line, okay?
I could lose my job.
If you don't start thinking
about what you're doing
you're gonna land yourself
right in juvenile hall.
And who's this kid Fred?
Why was he visiting
you at the library?
Why do you wanna hang around
with people like that?
That guy sounds like a loser.
Hey, Fred!
Hey, buddy, you looking
for Fred? He's not here.
Can I come in for a second?
Yeah, sure, you can come in.
You okay?
Yeah.
What's... What's going on?
You want something to eat, drink?
No. Thanks, I'm fine.
Had a pretty big
dinner last night.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, I mean tonight.
(CHUCKLING)
Last night.
What did you have?
Pasta.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
I'm a little, uh...
You smell that?
Oh, yeah.
I'm a little high.
I noticed that.
Yeah?
It's cool, man.
You wanna partake?
Sure. Yeah. Really?
Just do me a favor,
though. Don't...
Let's keep it between us.
Oh, for sure. Okay.
It's pretty strong, so go easy.
I like your hair like that.
My hair?
Thanks, man.
Ah.
Ooh!
Let me sit next to you.
One second.
Feel like I'm so far
away over here.
Oh, God.
I love this couch.
Yeah, it's cool.
Isn't it comfortable?
Mmm-hmm.
It's my grandfather's
couch, this couch.
Yeah?
Bounce on it.
(LAUGHING)
Seriously. Just...
Just bounce on it.
You want me to...
I don't even know how
to answer that like...
Just bounce on it.
Just do it.
Just do it.
Do it once.
All right.
My God.
I didn't know
you had an earring.
I love it.
I love that on you. Yeah?
I did it myself.
Really?
You're stoned, aren't you?
I love this hair.
I love it...
All right, all right.
What?
What?
Just...
Just touching my hair.
Nothing. You were just touching my hair.
It's funny.
What's funny about it?
Nothing. Relax, man.
It's cool.
What?
Have you ever smoked with Fred?
All right, dude.
I should probably get going, man.
Yeah, I just... Thanks for everything,
dude, I'll see you around.
Are you too high or...
No, I'm good, dude.
Thanks.
All right. Uh...
All right.
You okay to drive?
Yeah, I am.
(DOOR OPENS)
All right, buddy.
(DOOR CLOSES)
TEDDY: I think your dad
tried to come onto me.
FRED: (SCOFFS)
My dad's not gay, Teddy.
TEDDY: Okay.
FRED: It's kind of one of those
moments we're gonna remember forever.
Me and you.
You ready?
Mmm-hmm.
Dude, could I try first?
You fucking kidding me?
We'll switch off half way or something.
Fine. Go on.
All right.
Dude, you're holding it way too
fucking low. No, no, no. Chill.
I got it. No. Give me the fucking thing.
You're gonna...
Stop. It'll cut your leg off.
Be careful, dude.
Let me try.
Dude, it was my idea in the first...
I'll give it you... Okay.
Just fucking give it to me. Stop.
Okay.
Okay, I'm excited.
All right, let's do this, dude.
Let's cut this bitch down.
Come on.
This fucking tree
needs to die tonight.
(CHAINSAW SPUTTERING)
Oh, yeah.
(CHAINSAW STARTS)
(LAUGHING)
FRED: Whoo!
TEDDY: Yes.
I can't wait to come
see your band play.
I know. We're good.
There's only three of us.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Hello.
Drew your picture.
Oh!
Oh!
That's...
That's nice.
Very nice.
(BUBBLING)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I'll get it.
Hi.
Hi.
When I do this...
Does it make me look Chinese?
(CHUCKLES)
We're going to play
in the garden?
Nice.
FRED: Teddy was always
gone doing work
or probation or whatever
you call that baloney.
We talked on the phone a few times.
Emily didn't have any friends.
I didn't talk long.
The only person she knew was me.
Just enough to make
her feel comfortable.
One afternoon we went
to Jason King's house.
She didn't talk much.
Jason's parents were gone.
Sodas and vodka and smoking pot.
I was a nice guy.
I'm a nice guy to everyone.
I got her into Jason's parents'
bed and got her naked.
The guys lined up
outside the bedroom.
Big brown house.
We went in
two or three at a time.
Everyone fucked her.
We ran around the house to...
I kept going back
in with everyone...
She gave me a blowjob.
I had my clothes on when
I ushered people in.
She said she did.
I was a wild monkey.
Then I left.
Tell me you love me.
(ZIPPER UNZIPPING)
TEDDY: Hey.
Hey.
What's up?
Nothing.
How're you doing?
I'm fine. How are you?
Good.
Uh...
Do you... Do you want it?
I love the pink ones.
So good.
All right.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'll see you later.
Bye. Okay.
That's how you play.
Go like this.
(INAUDIBLE SPEECH)
All right.
There you go.
You almost got it.
Come on.
How's that foot?
Come here.
Not in this color, though.
MR. B: Hey.
Beer?
No, thanks.
(SIGHS)
Wanna hear a joke?
There's this horse
and a chicken.
And the horse falls into
this big puddle of mud
and, um, so the chicken
gets his Mercedes
ties it to the horse
and pulls him out.
Then the chicken
falls into the mud.
The horse doesn't get his Mercedes.
He just stands there.
And he says,
"Just hold onto my thingy
and I'll pull you out."
That's funny.
Well, it's not over.
So, the moral of the story
is that if you're
hung like a horse
you don't need a Mercedes
to pick up chicks.
Yeah. I get it.
Why don't you talk to me
at school anymore?
You know why.
Yeah, but you can at least be nice to me,
not just ignore me.
I mean, it's like you don't
even like me anymore.
Are you kidding me?
April, I love you.
What?
Doesn't even make sense.
What? Why?
I have to go.
April. What...
Hey, hey, hey.
April, I love you.
Okay.
I'm in love with you.
I... I was quiet before because I
didn't want anything bad to happen
but I don't care anymore.
All right, I...
I just wanna be with you.
We can
figure it out. You...
You can just say you're babysitting
all the time and come over.
No, I'm...
I should be hanging out
with boys my own age.
Why?
Why do you wanna hang out with a
bunch of little boys. You're...
You're better than that.
Just be with me.
April.
Look, uh...
Please, all right.
Just...
Let's just...
Just start all over.
Just watch a movie,
find something silly and...
(SIGHS)
Like always, okay?
Just stay. April!
(DOOR OPENS)
WOMAN: So the founding of
Rome begins with a fratricide
as Romulus kills
his twin brother, Remus.
Seems appropriate seeing as their
father is Mars, the Roman god of war.
(BELL RINGS)
Folks, there will be a test on
this sometime in the next week.
Thank you very much.
Great work today.
April, can I talk
to you for a minute?
Um...
I read your paper.
Did someone help you with this?
It doesn't seem
like your writing.
Um...
I just asked him to help me correct
it and then he just kind of
started rewriting it and...
I can't give you a passing grade on this.
Do you understand?
What's your next class?
I'll write you a slip.
APRIL: It, uh...
It's college counseling.
Do you know what college
you would like to go to?
They're so competitive
these days
that you need all
the time you can get.
I want you to give
some thought to that
because there are
only a few weeks left.
You excel in art class.
Would you like to
go to an art school?
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
You know what you wanna do?
You know what you wanna be?
I don't know.
I want you to stay
on that soccer team
because that could
be so helpful.
Can I go to the bathroom
real quick?
Uh, but...
(DOOR OPENING)
I'm literally punching myself that
I didn't buy that dress yesterday.
Oh, I know.
No, honestly, it looks
so fucking good on me.
What if we just ditch and
go to the mall and get it.
CHRISSY: Let's do it.
Your tits are seriously so huge today.
I know, right?
They look amazing.
'Cause I'm on my period,
which kind of sucks but...
Probably, but it's totally worth it.
You're making the best of it.
Okay, I have to pee like
a mother fucking race horse.
I do, too.
Why do they even say
"I have to pee like a race horse"?
CHRISSY: I don't know.
I don't get that, like...
Do race horses just, like,
have to pee all the time. I don't get it.
SHAUNA: Because they're always
racing and they never get to pee.
CHRISSY: Poor horsies.
Oh, I don't have toilet paper.
Can you spot me?
CHRISSY: Of course, sweetie.
Oh.
All right.
How's my hair?
(DOOR CLOSING)
WILSON: Don't look
at the easel.
Look at the model instead.
More green. Okay, no.
You're looking at the easel.
You're looking at the easel.
Look at the model
and don't look at the easel.
Jesus. That model's
kind of hot.
She looks like an old tree.
I'd fuck a tree.
I'd fuck the shit
out of that tree.
TEDDY: Nice.
(SIGHS)
You know,
I had a near death experience myself once.
I was going down the tunnel
in a convertible car,
old convertible car.
It's not my car.
It's freezing cold.
Ice, like brown
melting ugly ice.
I say to myself, "Bob,
you're going down the tunnel of death."
Then I say to myself,
"My name is not Bob.
I'm not Bob."
Then I said,
"It's not my car."
And this is not my tunnel.
I made a uie and suddenly
I'm going fast the other way
and there's a rainbow.
It's a rainbow.
You're going down
the wrong way, Bob.
Turn your art around.
Dude, I'm not Bob.
Yes, yes.
All right.
That's right.
I'm not fucking Bob.
Dude, what the fuck is going on?
This is kind of fun, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'm doing an ocean.
What are you doing?
I'm also doing an ocean.
Oh, I love yours.
That's so good.
Thank you.
Hey, Teddy.
Hey.
Tanya's daughter came by and saw
the pictures you drew of her.
She liked them.
Really?
You should go see her.
Room 22.
Hey, Janet.
Bye.
Hi.
How are you?
Oh, pretty good.
That's very pretty.
Yeah?
That's a fish.
Hello.
TANYA: Yes.
Oh, hi. Hi.
How are you doing?
I'm fine. Sit down.
I see you got the pictures up.
TANYA: You draw so well.
TEDDY: No. I'm crap.
No. No.
Come here.
You're a good boy.
And you captured me good.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
Now listen,
always have faith and trust
in your
God-given talent.
All right, what time is it?
Game time!
That's right.
All right, listen up.
I want you to play a smart game,
pass the ball.
Keep it tight.
High pressure, all right?
Everything we've been practicing.
Okay, you got this.
You got these bitches.
(WHISPERING) They're pathetic all right.
(GIRLS CHUCKLING)
You got this, okay.
GIRLS: Yeah!
All right, bring it in.
Bring it in. GIRL: Whoo!
What are we going to do?
GIRLS: Win.
What are we going to do?
GIRLS: Win!
One, two, three, Panthers!
GIRLS: Panthers!
MR. B: Come on!
(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE) Come on.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Raquel, that's you!
Let's go!
Looking good, April!
Come on!
Okay, pull back!
Stretch!
(GIRLS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(CROWD CHEERING)
GIRL: Oh, my God!
Come on, get up.
That's right,
push in! Push in!
(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)
Fuck with me!
Fuck with me, bitch!
Come on.
Shauna, what are you doing?
(REFEREE BLOWING WHISTLE)
GIRL: Thank you.
It's un-fucking-real!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(GIRL SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS) Oh.
April, come on!
April, go!
All right.
All right, good game!
Good game.
Shake.
You got some good players.
All right. Thank you.
(CRYING)
Raquel is such a cry baby.
I know.
She just does that
for attention, though.
You seriously think you're bad?
I mean, do you even
think she's pretty?
Raquel?
Yeah, she's fucking gorgeous.
She's pretty.
You think?
She's not ugly.
Don't blame yourself.
Okay.
All right.
I'll see you next week.
I don't think she's so pretty.
April, she's pretty.
So, you three upset, too?
Obviously.
Yeah, we're not crying
but we're upset.
It's just a game.
We played very well.
We kind of sucked.
Um, no, you sucked.
Thank you, Mr. B.
(LAUGHS)
Anyone need a ride?
SHAUNA: No, my mom's
going to come get us.
CHRISSY: I'm with her.
Sure.
MR. B: Okay, let's go.
I'll see you guys later.
CHRISSY: Bye, April.
Night.
Night.
BOTH: Bye.
Where's Michael?
Oh, he's at his moms.
Oh.
Want some water or something?
Um, no, that's okay.
(GLASS CLANKING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
It's nice to have you back here.
(WATER RUNNING)
Don't worry about the game.
I know it's not Thursday.
I always get the days wrong.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(GASPS)
(MOANING)
(FOOTSTEPS RETREATING)
(JANE TALKING IN DISTANCE)
(INHALES DEEPLY)
(JANE LAUGHING)
You so crazy.
You're so crazy.
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Mom.
Hold on, Jamal,
I'm gonna call you.
Do you want some breakfast?
Um, that's okay.
I'm gonna call you back, okay?
Let me call you right back.
I can make you eggs and bacon.
Okay, sure.
That sounds good.
How 'bout some orange juice?
You want some orange juice?
I just love you, you're such a good girl.
(CHUCKLES)
I love you, too. Aw.
You mean so much to me.
GAME ANNOUNCER:
Test your might!
(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING)
Fight.
You're not allowed to do that.
Are you going to tell on me?
Can I play?
Sure. I don't care.
All right, what do I do?
You have to pick
a character first.
I wanna be the girl character.
The girl character?
She sucks.
Trust me.
I've played her.
All right, well, I still
wanna be her, so...
Suit yourself.
GAME ANNOUNCER: Fight!
Hey, how do I fight?
You press the buttons.
Oh, come on, which ones?
(MICHAEL EXCLAIMS) Which color?
Hey.
Yes!
Two cookies please!
What?
I get two cookies because I won.
(CHUCKLES) Says who?
Raquel.
Raquel?
Raquel's my other babysitter.
She lets me have
two cookies when I win.
Hmm.
Well, okay.
I want one Oreo
and one chocolate chip.
Here you go.
Have 'em all.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Hello.
MR. B: April.
Who's this?
Look, what happened between me and
Raquel... It's nothing, okay?
Can I just explain
what happened?
What?
You broke up with me. And we weren't
talking to each other. Can I see you?
No. No, I'm not coming
over there anymore.
April, I love you.
Please.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
FRED:
Dude, isn't this a...
IVAN: Oh, gee, you're acting like
we're in a recession. Give me.
I wanna show you
how to do this shit.
I ought to...
Chef Ivan at your service.
Emily.
Hey, Emily.
Emily, hi, hi.
Hi.
Hi. (CHUCKLES)
You look, um...
You look really beautiful.
You look, uh...
Yeah, your whole,
um, dress.
You look really...
You look really great.
Thanks.
All right, sorry.
Hey, I have this idea, um...
Uh, I saw this pool.
And I was wondering
maybe you want to like
go swimming.
Swimming?
Yeah.
We could go swimming
We could go swimming
Okay, fine.
Fine.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
Okay. Okay, all right.
Okay.
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, where's the light?
The light?
Need a lighter?
Yeah.
Here you go.
IVAN: Found it.
Jump. Jump to me.
Jump to me. Wait.
Jump... Whoa!
Let's go.
Are you ready to
see me get naked?
What are you doing?
I'm jumping in the pool.
Aren't you getting in?
No, it's cold.
Come on.
This is called night swimming.
Ready, one, two...
(SCREAMS)
They were just saying
that in college,
like girls have sex
all the time.
So maybe like when
you get to college,
you won't be a sweet
little virgin anymore.
Thank you.
(GIRLS CHUCKLE)
She's a virgin?
She's a virgin, you guys.
Isn't that so adorable, though?
Look at... She's so pretty.
We can do something about that.
No, April.
You scared her off.
They can help. Oh, honey.
I mean, are you
all virgins, too?
Hey.
Hey.
How's it goin'?
Good.
How are you?
You should, uh, flip one over
for good luck.
You know like when
you get a new pack,
you always flip one over
and save it for last
and then when you get
to it you make a wish.
Oh, cool, I've never
heard of that.
Like that?
Yeah.
Do you need a light?
Thanks.
Yeah.
That movie is pretty
stupid. (CHUCKLES)
Why?
I think all movies and TV shows
and video games these
days are just pointless.
Okay.
You're crazy.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, you are.
Why would you say that?
Because you just don't
care about anything.
I wish I didn't care
about anything.
But I do care. I care
about everything too much.
What do you mean?
It's whatever, Teddy.
I think you're the one
who doesn't care, not me.
What do you mean?
I care about you.
(SNICKERS)
What? You...
You never even hang out with me.
Yeah, I love you.
I love you.
APRIL: Do you remember that
night at the graveyard?
When we went to that tree?
The one that
I carved a heart in?
Yeah.
That was fun.
That was fun.
I wish we could go
back to that night.
You know that me and Fred cut it down,
right?
What?
That's so sad.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
That tree was probably there
since the Civil War. (CHUCKLES)
And now it's gone.
It's kind of sad.
Come on, get in the pool.
No. Come on,
it feels great.
I'm shivering but not
because it's cold.
I'm shivering because
you're so beautiful.
Not gonna work this time.
Emily, just get in the fuckin' pool.
No!
Get in the fuckin' pool, Emily.
I'm not getting
in the fucking pool.
Get in the pool!
I've been excited about this!
Just get in, okay?
Stop asking me. No!
Get in the pool, whore.
You can be a real cunt,
you know that?
Just get in the fucking pool,
okay?
You know what, Fred?
What?
I thought I loved you but you're a real...
What?
Fucking douchebag!
I'm a what? I'm a douche...
(SCREAMS)
(LAUGHING)
Fuck!
Got you!
Got you!
(LAUGHING) What the fuck!
What? What? What?
You made me do all those things!
I hate you! Come on. Come on.
Come on.
You set me up!
Come on, kiss me, kiss me, kiss,
me, kiss me, kiss me. Fuck you!
(IMITATING KISSING)
Sick and disgusting!
Are you gonna hit me with a bottle?
Don't!
You're gonna hit me with a bottle?
Don't!
You wouldn't do it, pussy.
Pussy. Don't!
Pussy, pussy, pussy.
Stop!
Stop! You're not gonna hit
me with a fuckin' bottle.
(PANTING)
Ah. (PANTING)
(GROANS)
You bitch.
What the fuck!
I was just messing around.
Fuck!
Teddy?
BOY: Let's go!
(YELLING)
BOY: Hey what's going on?
Can we have some stogs?
Aren't you guys a little young
for drinking and smoking?
No, we like 'em.
What? No.
You guys look younger than me.
BOY: How old are you?
BOY 2: Where are you from?
APRIL: Around here.
BOY: I like your hair.
It's really pretty.
APRIL: Thanks.
(CHUCKLES)
You want the last one?
They just took all my cigarettes.
Sucks.
I just bought this pack.
Well, at least now
you can make a wish.
Remember you can make...
You can make your wish.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that. (CHUCKLES)
What are you gonna wish for?
Are you okay, dude?
FRED: Yeah.
What happened?
Nothing just...
TEDDY: You okay. Yeah.
Can we go buy some weed please?
Yeah. Listen,
do you wanna come?
Oh, fuck.
Can you give me a fuckin' break, Teddy?
Skull's waiting for us to buy some weed.
Um, no.
I should probably wait here
so I can get a ride home.
FRED: Yeah, let's go.
Yeah.
Um...
Maybe tomorrow.
TEDDY: Yeah.
I don't know what you're doing...
I'll text you or something?
Yeah, sure. I'll text you.
Or you can text me.
Thank you, April.
Let's go.
Call you or... I mean... FRED:
See you later. Come on. Come on.
Dude, what do you...
What happened to your head?
What, uh...
What do you mean?
I mean, what happened, dude?
Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Who did that?
Hey, what would you do if,
if you were an Egyptian?
I'd be a pharaoh.
You can't be a fuckin' pharaoh.
Why not?
I don't even want to
be Egyptian anyways.
All that sand and mummies and shit,
it's so boring.
I'd be an Aztec or a Mayan.
Then I'd fucking
cut your heart out.
Hey, maybe we can
cut Skull's heart out.
Skull would fuck you up.
Just rip it out of him.
He wouldn't be able
to fuck me up if I, uh,
stabbed him in
the stomach first.
Stop. What the fuck?
What are you doing?
Stop. (EXCLAIMS)
What are you doing, man?
Fred, fuck, dude.
Put that thing... Fuck, stop.
'Sup, Skull?
How are you doin'?
How are you doin'? Feel good?
Nice.
So you, uh, so you got it?
Yes.
SKULL: Just a dime,
right? Want a hit?
Hey, Skull?
Who'd you rather be
the pope or Pablo Escobar?
Escobar for sure, man.
Gets to have all
the fun. (CHUCKLES)
The pope gets to
live in the Vatican.
Escobar. FRED: What do you think?
Shut the fuck up, Teddy.
You know what you want?
You what a knife.
Huh?
This fucker could cut your heart out,
with this fucking knife.
Cut your fucking heart out.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey... He fucking said it to me.
You try it, I'll fucking kill you!
I never said that.
This fucker's always
saying weird shit
and trying to get me to kill people.
I don't...
He want... He was talking about
cutting your heart out. I didn't...
FRED: Skull, Skull, Skull, Skull.
Yes.
Would you rather
be gay or a girl?
Neither. (LAUGHS)
No, I'm just saying if you had to.
Like, if a genie said so.
Both of them have to suck dick.
Exactly.
Would that be so bad?
I mean, don't you ever
get jealous of those
girls in pornos that get to be
on their knees in the middle
of all those fucking dicks.
Are you fuckin'
serious right now?
Are you be...
Are you being fucking serious right now?
He's a fuckin' faggot.
He's always saying weird shit like this,
dude. No, no, no, no.
This faggot is fucking serious.
You don't like the idea of an
Around-The-World blow bang?
No, I like to have
a girl suck my dick.
What's the difference?
"What the difference?"
Well, I'll tell
you the difference,
because I am going in
and she's being got inside of.
Yeah, and why is one better?
Why does one make you better, Skull?
And why when you're inside her,
do you feel better?
I mean, aren't you
on her turf, inside her?
You know, isn't she
in control of you?
Like a little fuckin'
baby with his mamma making him feel good.
Huh?
Skull, why? Why?
Because...
Because what?
(SNIFFLING)
(LAUGHING)
Hey, dude.
Hey, dude, dude,
dude, dude, dude.
Let's drive down the wrong way.
Fred, why do you
have to be like this?
Why do I have to be like what?
Why do you have to be all
fucking crazy and psycho on me?
Why do you have to try so fucking hard
to seem crazy, man? I don't get it.
(SIGHS) I just... I can't hang out
with you when you're like this.
Okay.
I can't hang out with you
when you're like this.
Pull over.
Pull over.
Just let me out, dude.
Let me the fuck out.
Pull over, man.
Let me out.
What are you doing?
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
I'm not Bob.
I'm not Bob.
I'm not Bob, I'm not Bob,
I'm not Bob.
(YELLING)
(LAUGHS) Let's go!
Let's go! (CARS HONKING)
(SHOUTING) I'm not Bob!
(CAR HONKING)