Na komete (On the Comet) (1970)

Long time ago, as a young officer, I witnessed
unusual events and many heroic acts.
They're seemed as they never happened today.
As it wasn't even true.
Only memories left, and few old photographs.
That happened also to one big catastrophe in cosmos.
Whole world was terrified.
Such a big event and only pile of pale postcards
and few disappointed illusions left...
On the Comet
It was a beautiful age.
The age of our youth.
Europe indulged itself in - except of
another worries - colonies.
Thanks to that we came
to this little known country.
We rode through all of it
with a gun in the hand.
We felt very well here.
We helped as much as we could
and spread civilization.
We were young, elegant, brave
and this always pays off.
Everyone here liked us.
And our popularity rose day by day.
It was a golden age.
Iron-plate dishes is a treasure of house.
Even you can't break it.
I'll be right there.
Please, choose as you wish.
Exact fifteen, madam.
I hope you'll visit my shop soon again.
Throw away the loam sherds and
buy proper iron-plate dishes.
Sir lieutenant has chosen, hasn't he?
He has chosen well.
One can't meet such girl here sadly.
Nice, isn't she?
Really nice.
Hold the stick tightly!
Come to life!
He has probably gone mad.
The african sun makes that.
Wat did I tell you,
straighten up the stick.
And stop with that.
What if it burns?
I would be also better with
beautiful girl on my side.
I would like such one.
Maybe she would like me too.
She would surely admired me.
Seizing colonies is not enough, miss.
They have to be mapped, measured...
Why do you think battles are led?
For land.
When I move one single line
I'll do for homeland more than
whole riding company.
Due to me, miss.
Your appreciation is
a great honour to me.
Let me introduce,
lieutenant Servadac.
Sir lieutenant,
come to life!
Watch yourself!
Don't be affraid, miss.
I can't do my country out of
one single meter of colonial area.
Attention, sir!
Sir lieutenant!
So, this is the end.
Without fame, without medal.
It was irresponsible that they didn't
teach us to swim in the military school.
Good bye, miss,
I'm dying for my country.
Can I ask you where
did you swim from?
From Valencia.
The whole way to africa?
We are in Africa?
You really don't know you're in Africa?
I was kidnapped and closed on ship.
I didn't know where are we sailing.
And what did they want to do with me.
Although they still guarded me,
I had decided I would run away.
The ship harboured this morning and
I heard the voice of my kidnapper.
He is also from Valencia.
But he is a bad man.
He shot at my brothers,
when they defended me.
I take the whole cargo.
Deal, efendi.
Tell me a king.
I will be it tomorrow.
You will be, king.
My stuff will secure it for you.
You'll be satisfied,
it's a good stuff.
It's heavy like thunder.
What are you doing, man?
Where do you have a crate, rascals?
Pack it up, hurry.
Don't piss me, rascals.
Or you will know, what
really your captain is.
You'll be laughing at me?
Move guys,
this is not a trip.
Move, you're in the way.
How much do you want for the guns?
How much will you give?
About 300.
I guarantee for the guns.
They will make you a ruler of this land.
I will make a ruler myself.
It's none of your bussiness.
You'll give me some more.
Come, I'll show you something.
The bitch! She has run away.
I don't care.
Patience, king.
You'll see in the moment.
I'll only arrange something.
Please, come with me.
Boat on water, quickly guys.
And when I founded you,
the second sun on sky rose.
I've thought I'm imagining
when I saw it.
But I doubt the second one is sun.
It hasn't got its own light,
it is probably some unknown planet.
Rushes to us with huge velocity.
Let's come away before
something happens to us.
This is more precious for you
than thousand more rifles.
I'm coming as a consul.
Ethiquette demands a gift.
Next to them there must be
an honor party and this is all they have.
Simple but reliable.
It only can't be reversed.
When candle burns out to here... fires on linstock...
Do you understand?
Everyone will be wiped away.
And you as soon as you hear a blowup,
attack the city with your riders.
Look at the sky, king.
Evil star.
Sky is ready for something.
Back to paddles.
Careful, rascals!
Don't mind the sky and pull on.
Wouldn't we wait for better weather?
I have to be a king since the sunrise.
I sweared so.
Let your steps be happy, king.
Do you think that uprise
will be succesfull, excellency?
Our weapons will help them.
The fort will be taken by them
and after that we'll come.
We won't get angry anyone
and push through our interests.
And all you see, captain
the whole this beautiful country
will fall to the spanish crown
under rule of his majesty.
This is my holy mission.
A ship, sir.
It's a spanish ship, sir.
His excellency is arriving, sir.
Shall we fire for greeting?
Sir, I report, lieutenant Servadac
fell from the rock during filling his duties.
That's all sir, after that
he was falling with head down.
We have to admit the worst then.
And did you risk
your life for your officer?
I didn't, sir.
Go back, immediately.
Give him some soldiers
to retrieve his mistake.
Shall we fire for greetings, sir?
Yes, but only once, we will need bullets
for much more important things.
It seems they fired.
We are waiting for the command, sir.
Fire from all cannons
so they can see we are a superpower.
Are you alright?
Have we collide yet?
No, it was a grenade.
Our grenade, the sixteen.
Don't be affraid.
That was not ours.
Look what compass is doing, sir.
Magnetic errors?
There has been no one here before.
They probably suspects
coming catastrophe.
What will happen to us?
We will surely die.
Prepare yourselves.
Our time is near.
What does that mean?
A storm, sir.
That's your resposibility, captain.
Yes, sir.
We won't find lieutenant here.
Do you want to look
for him in such weather?
We'll better wait here.
The judgement day is here.
Where will you put it?
In front of the squad.
Near to you?
As much far from me as it goes.
Weather is terrible, isn't it?
I don't mind the weather.
Colonel, this is a souvenir
from my country.
Let's go!
Oh my god.
Our Earth.
It's unbelievable,
but it's Earth.
Aren't we on Earth anymore?
Planet has taken us
with itself without a collision.
On the planet.
We're going far from Earth.
That's good.
At least the evil people won't find me.
Look, sir, it really is Earth,
I see Europe and Africa.
Yes Lacoste, I see it too.
But what about us, where are we?
What are we standing on?
How could we tear away from Earth?
I'm curious what will
write Le monde about it next week.
Don't you have a knife
to cut off a cigar?
Let's go gentlemen.
Oh my god, lieutenant.
Ben! Why didn't jump for me?
I've got a command to retrieve my mistake.
Now I'll jump into the water witout hesitating.
I think they have no idea
what has happened.
Good we're not alone in the world.
We'll have more fun.
The planet is ours!
We can do whatever we want.
Gentlemen, we've got into this situation without warning
with low number of men,
with insufficient supply of grain.
Partially rotten, sir.
Lieutenant, you'll speak
when you'll be asked to!
What are you doing?
There'll be a discipline even
if barrows fell from sky.
Your safeguard is on.
A fly.
Gentlemen, that's unbelievable.
What a piece!
What do you say on this, gentlemen?
I have unpleasant feeling
the aborigines are to blame.
I would blame spanish.
Safeguard on before putting back,
don't forget that please.
What are you affraid of?
He can't hurt you here.
You're under an army protection.
According to the army law
women can't go into the fortress, sir.
Fool. I'll explain everything
to my commander.
I'll wait.
Good then, I'll be back immediately.
Cursed storm.
Be glad we're alive.
What shall we do with the rascal?
We have to find him first.
I won't go home without Angelica.
You've destroyed a common man!
Don't be affraid, you'll stay with us.
You'll like it.
You can't walk like this,
you need something to wear.
What about this.
It'll suit you.
Is he gone?
Peace with you, king.
Where were you for so long?
We were looking for you, king.
I should have punish you.
We've saved our own lives.
Follow me.
I've got horses for you.
We'll take arms from the enemy.
What a situation, gentlemen.
Our ministry wasn't able
to notice us in time.
They didn't find out this.
Fortunately France hasn't left us,
During revolution.
In case of war.
Army during coronation.
A little bit old instructions.
Confusing situation.
This is it, gentlemen.
I've got an order to arrest all foreigners.
I'm a diplomat.
And I'm not a foreigner.
I've got an immunity.
Don't touch me.
You're speaking a lot.
Don't touch me.
Don't be impertiment.
Where is our sister?
Speak rascal.
She has run away, boys.
You're lying, rascal.
Where's a captain?
He's got visitors.
You're coming just in time, lieutenant.
Captain, I've got a command to arrest you.
All foreigners has to be arrested.
Go on, lieutenant.
Do your duty.
Where do you come from,
From Valencia.
Arrest them all.
Angelica, hide.
They're arresting foreigners.
What about you?
I'll be alright, go.
Who'll pay me lost time, please?
How many bullets do you give to guards?
Two a man.
Give three.
So we can't be surprised by anything.
Where do you say the cattle come from?
The planet has probably prehistoric fauna.
Are you sure they're herbivorous?
Prepare to fire.
On my command - fire!
They hasn't stopped for a second.
I will send a ride.
You'll lead the attack, lieutenant.
At your order, colonel.
Longitude 300. Angle 12.
Wait, captain.
You're shooting at our own soldiers.
I've always said
that our ride isn't made for fight.
Give it back! Immediately!
Wares is confiscated,
it's an order of the commander.
Run away ladies as soon as it goes.
You're in danger here.
Let's go to safer place.
Come down.
I don't understand this.
We fired on them,
we sent a ride on them,
and suddenly this.
Gentlemen, let's get up.
Angelica! Angelica!
Are you alright?
Yes. My hero.
Congratulations, lieutenant.
I'll recommedn you for Iron cross.
How did you do it?
They were drive back by the noise.
What about our cannons?
They're useless.
It reminds them storm and they know it.
But clank of pots,
that's the iron age.
Gentlemen, we've found
a new weapon, a new strategy.
And what in such a case
says our instructions?
Old weapons replace
by new technology.
It means that your
cannons can be thrown out.
What are you staring at, gentlemen?
That's an order.
Isn't it a nonsense
what are we doing?
Which command is not?
Throw away guns!
Stand still!
We're waiting for your orders, king.
Peace with you, king.
You owe me something.
I'll send you guns immediately.
I don't need them
from you anymore.
Guns, cannons,
we've taken everything.
We're ready to attack, king.
Fight, my faithful.
It's bad, commander.
I know it, heck, I haven't lost
first battle in my life.
Don't forget on ladies, lieutenant.
Don't worry about me,
I'll die with you.
That wouldn't be the worst.
Here you have, madam.
There is only one bullet,
I've been hiding it for myself.
Evil star.
Cursed kismet.
What do you think, gentlemen?
Lieutenant is an astronomer.
Surveyor, captain.
Can you explain it, lieutenant?
It is probably planet Mars,
we're in a area of its gravity.
Do you think
we could collide?
I'm affraid of worst.
Why we have still
to be affraid of collision?
Planet we are on is small,
on the way through universe
is attracted to bigger ones.
Collision is inevitable.
Gentlemen, dismissed.
What happens?
Let it go, gentlemen.
The end of world is near.
Will you yield to a destiny, king?
If it is the end of world,
the fight is worthless.
Tell my faithfull to go home.
Where were you?
Your majesty, king, you're my guest.
I've invited you.
No, you're a guest of king.
Here I give you all you gave to me,
now you don't need my guns anyway.
At home on earth I would have never said it.
You'll have a monument
once at home.
Is it what my enemy says?
You will have one,
give me a hug!
My loved women,
why are you running away?
I've bought you properly,
I feed you properly, is my behavior bad?
Everyone only with those whom loves.
Everyone will do whatever he wants.
It seems there's a civilization.
Built by hands of reasonable beings.
Our grave will be in a perfect world.
What's for us if we're dead.
We've got no influence
on turns of nature.
Get out! Quickly!
You're not supposed to be here. Away!
Noone will abuse
turns of nature.
Or shouldn't I?
Angelica, I've wanted long ago...
Don't speak.
We're short of time.
Oh my god. Mars is more far.
We won't collide.
I was wrong.
There won't be the end of world.
We're saved.
We will live!
We're saved!
We won't collide! There won't be the end of wordl!
The planet missed us!
Ester, we will live!
Wait, madam.
If there's no end, you have to pay.
There won't be the end of world!
Look, the star is more far.
I'll go tell scheick.
I'll go better myself.
What have you done?
You rascal!
Let me be!
Do you hear me?
Who asked you?
Why are you interfering?
Thank to God we didn't
let you there.
Let go.
There won't be the end of world.
We're saved!
Don't look there.
Enough of obscenities.
Captain, follow me.
To the fortress.
Soldiers went home, king.
You let them to.
Pay up please.
Fortress fell, lieutenant?
Commander, my bride
was kidnapped. On the sea.
Captain, you're the only one,
who can help me. We have to catch them.
The ship is not allowed to leave a port.
Lieutenant, situation demands
to return to the fortress.
I've thought we let it go.
You've gone mad.
Why we can't live in peace,
we could till now.
We've thought that
the end of world is here.
Why can't we live as such on?
You're a phantast.
There's no single bullet in the fortress,
we've lost in advance.
Lieutenant, let's go.
Gentlemen, lieutenant has a proposition.
It's worth to think about.
Gentlemen, I think,
we're castaways of space.
Let's try to live in peace together.
It's an utopia.
It was probably an utopia on Earth.
But now, since we've got our own planet,
nothing can stop us to live as such on.
Let's try gentlemen,
it's worth of it.
I affirm it's an utopia.
What will be our flag?
Ours, of course.
No, colonel,
I don't approve your colors.
Gentlemen, I propose all colors.
Colors of us all.
We're sailing according to a sun seemingly to the north.
Somewhere here will kidnappers search Valencia.
And here we'll catch them.
Cheers to happy encounter with beautiful bride
and nice brothers-in-law.
Land on starboard!
What does land do here?
Coast and it waves.
After one glass?
No way.
It really waves.
Set alert, captain.
An island in front of us.
A real island?
A real one this time, look.
The beasts again.
Watch shallow water.
We interrupt a peace of Carbon forest.
Future Lotrin basin.
We've come two million years earlier.
We witness a species transformation.
Life came out of the sea,
here is an example.
Boar rump on cream with cranberries,
or roasted on butter with basted wine?
No, don't shoot.
It'll be delicate, gentlemen.
We're not justified
to interrupt evolution of nature.
We'll better wait
to its offsprings
You don't look
forward to home?
Good day, gentlemen.
Don't worry,
only the beasts again.
No clue of kidnappers,
We have to find them.
What the hell was that?
Potsherds mean fortune.
For god's sake,
we've forgot Brittish.
They're everywhere.
Even in Primaries.
We've got
the kidnappers, Ben, look.
I recognize their boat.
Captain, raise up the flag,
and prepare a boat.
Boat on water.
What leads you to Gibraltar, sir?
Gibraltar? This?
I can swear.
Who are you?
I'm a citizen of universe.
Britain doesn't
approve an anarchy, sir.
Shooting at ships on the sea
is a brittish habit?
The brittish habit is to celebrate
birthday of hers majesty.
That is today, sir.
May I please french cognac?
On the birthday of her majesty?
More soda then.
Welcome on board, madam.
Should I prepare eggs with ham
or something else?
Where is mr. Servadac?
Our duty is to guard Gibraltar,
not to contemplate about it.
We're a part of another planet, major.
How could we fly through universe elsewhere?
In that case I declare this planet
as a colony of her majesty.
I'm looking for a girl.
She was on a boat harbouring in your port.
On a boat?
There was only few anarchists on the boat?
They stepped with no warranty on a land of her majesty.
That's why they're
in a prison of her majesty.
But there was
a lady on the boat.
On such boat and
in such company couldn't be a lady.
A lady which worth
a notice of a gentleman.
Cheers to newly-weds.
Cheers to health of our new home.
Mr. Servadac found a woman of his heart.
And for us all a path to a peaceful life.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let me in this twice celebration moment
rise up a cup to health of newly-weds
and to a happy return of a crew.
I see France.
we're going home.
Do you look forward?
I'm affraid a little bit.
Affraid of what?
Of our old world.
We've escaped only for a moment, see?
I'm a little bit affraid of our old world
we've escaped only for a moment, see?
We're going home.
It changes the situation, colonel
We've got our
directors, duties, commands.
My last command from ministry
is to prepare a dignified greeting for you.
I'm very sorry that
events have stopped it.
Your soldiers have lost an occasion
to show in full arms.
But nothing limits us now
to try once again.
Where is his excellency?
Everyone away.
On the fortress.
And now we'll lecture the other side,
so they can see who's in charge here.
Prepare cannons.
They're shooting at us, king.
Ben, wait.
You know you
can't leave me.
I know.
The command of colonel.
Where is Angelica?