My Life as a Zucchini (2016)

Filthy liars, all of 'em.
What's going on up there?
Hey, you answer when I call you!
Answer me!
Yes, Mom.
Who's gonna
clean up all this mess?
It was an accident.
- I'll help pick it up.
- Get down here this instant!
- When I get up there...
- Please, I didn't mean to!
You are gonna get
the spanking of your life!
How old are you, son?
Im nine.
So, can you tell me a
little bit about your mother?
She, she really
liked to drink beer,
and her mashed potatoes
were always good,
and sometimes we had fun.
Not always?
So, where's your father?
It has my dad's chick on it, too.
My mom always said that
my dad liked chicks,
so I put one on there.
Im gonna take you to a really nice place
with other children who are like you,
kids who have no mom or dad.
But I do have a mom!
You're mom is gone, Icare.
My name is Zucchini.
Did your mother give you that name?
Well, you can call me Raymond.
Did your mother give you that name?
You can fly your kite, if you want to.
Well, here we are.
Good to see you.
You, too, Miss Paterson.
This little man is Icare.
However, I think he'd prefer
to be called Zucchini.
That's what his
mother used to call him.
He seems pretty attached to it.
Isn't that so, son?
Okay, time to go.
Welcome to Fontaines, your new home.
Don't worry buddy,
you'll be fine here.
Ill come visit you.
Hey, I...
Thank you, Ma'am.
Drive safe.
You want to come inside
and see your room?
Under your bed is a big drawer
for you to put all your things in.
Okay, well, I'll let you
put your stuff away and get settled.
You gonna be alright?
I'll be waiting out in
the hall if you need me.
Good morning, Ma'am.
Good morning.
I'd like to introduce
your new friend, Icare.
Ah, oh, of course, sorry.
I mean our new friend, Zucchini.
More like a potato with that head!
That's enough, Simon.
Hey, hey, hey, quiet down everyone.
Ah, well, I'll leave them in your hands.
Have a good class, Mr. Paul.
Thank you.
Why don't you take your seat.
Now where were we?
Cows are in a special group
of animals called ruminants.
In fact, they have four stomachs.
Cows graze on grass,
but they don't chew it
before swallowing
so they can regurgitate
it inside the stomach,
and quietly chew that instead.
Now children, no one is
quite sure why it is...
Welcome to prison, potato head.
Ooh, Simon's
gonna roast that potato!
- MR.
- Can anyone name another?
Hey, Bea?
Must be pretty roomy in
there after all that digging.
Stop it, Simon!
Outta my seat, ugly.
So, potato, what's up?
Why are you here?
How'd you get stuck with us?
Hold on, you got fries on your plate.
You're a potato who eats potatoes?
That's kinda gross
if you think about it.
This guy's some kind of cannibal.
That's a good one.
That's enough, Simon.
So why did your parents
throw you out, huh?
They didn't want you around anymore?
Thrown away?
And now he's here.
Stop it, Simon!
Make me, Bea!
Hey you guys, Alice Is
doing the fork thing again.
Why have you got
bandages on your face?
Because I had a headache,
but Rosy made it better.
Stop banging that fork
on your stupid plate.
Im gonna find out why you're here.
I always do!
What a loser.
Okay, come on
boys, it's lights out.
But I'm not tired!
I don't want to go to bed.
No staying up late.
Go straight to sleep, okay?
- Shhh!
- Okay.
Zucchini's already asleep.
Ahmed, did you go to the bathroom?
Uh, I think so.
You think or you know?
You're crazy, dude.
Yeah, you're really crazy dude.
- Shhh, Simon.
- Aww, widdle Ahmed,
always wets his bed!
- Simon, what did I say?
- No, I don't.
- Stop.
- Quiet now.
Kisses all around, then lights out.
Good night Miss Rosy.
Sweet dreams.
You really asleep?
No, the potato's not sleeping.
It won't be sleeping all night.
Go, go higher.
Simon, let me have a turn.
You have to wait.
It's up really high.
Look at it go.
Look how high it is!
Hey, give it back!
Oh yeah?
And what if I don't give it back?
What are you gonna do,
Harry Potato, curse me?
Harry Potato, that's a good one.
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
What are you doing?
Get off of me!
He's kicking your butt!
Use your Kung Fu!
Don't ever touch my
kite again, you hear me?
- He's got him in a hold.
- Oh sweet potato!
Simon, get out of it!
If you ever touch my stuff again,
Ill break your arm!
Wow, he does not mess around.
- That was crazy.
- Whoa.
Did you see that?
We were playing soccer outside
and he just came up
behind and jumped on me.
Zucchini, anything to add?
No... I just want
to go home to my mom.
Simon, would you wait
outside for a moment?
That's not possible.
Im afraid that your mother is gone now.
Everything will get better.
I promise.
Hey, potato.
My parents did drugs,
both of 'em,
like a lot.
So, I was brought here.
You wanna tell me
what happened to you?
I could tell you about everyone else.
I know all of their stories.
You see Bea?
Her mom got deported.
Bea came home from school
one day and she was gone.
Georgie's mom spends hours at a time
flicking lights on and off.
On, off, on, off, all day.
Sometimes she'll scrub the
toilet for weeks at a time.
Totally nuts.
Georgie, I want to play goalie.
Take a shot.
And Ahmed, his
dad walked into a mall
and robbed a shoe store.
He was trying to get
Ahmed some new sneakers
and he got busted by a mall cop.
Can you imagine?
You wanna go see Miss Rosy?
And Alice, her dad,
they say he was a real creep.
I don't know.
She had these nightmares every night.
It was bad.
He's in jail now.
I'm here 'cause I think I killed my mom.
I didn't mean to.
It wasn't on purpose.
We're all the same.
There's no one left to love us.
First thing
in the morning, we all get up.
And Ahmed, well,
sometimes he wets his bed.
After that, everybody gets
cleaned up, except Simon.
For some reason Simon just
pretends that he's washing.
And Georgie...
Georgie eats his toothpaste.
His mom's really clean,
and she told him
it's good for his health.
Here we have the orangutan, the gorilla,
and here's the chimpanzee.
Then we have school.
Mr. Paul teaches us history.
He always get really excited about it.
Did you know in olden days,
people didn't have any soap?
So of course they didn't
shower, like Simon.
At some point during the lesson,
Georgie always has to ask
to go to the nurse's office.
Probably because of the toothpaste.
- Are you okay?
- Settle down.
Ooga, booga, Ooga.
Ooga, booga, Ooga.
And while they're away,
we all play Cro-Magnon.
Well it sounds like a lot of fun.
That's great.
It is fun.
What's going on?
It won't be as fun
when you stop coming.
You think I
come because I have to?
You come because it's your job.
No, no it's not because of my job.
It's because I like hangin' out with you.
I like you too.
I think they don't like
cops, and especially Ahmed
because he thinks you
sent his dad to prison.
What the hell does she want?
Let's go, come on, hurry up!
Come on, move it!
Im not gonna repeat myself.
Alright then.
She's not the nicest branch
on the tree.
Ooh, that's cold!
Oh, I can just imagine her
alone in the bedroom,
crying, wailing,
just waiting for me to come get her!
Oh, poor baby.
Oh, uh,
she must be playing outside.
Uh, okay.
My name's Camille.
My name's Zucchini.
Hey new kid!
What'd you do to land in here?
So, are you the boss?
And we gotta do everything you say?
Guess you catch on pretty quick.
And that's how you talk to girls.
Alright then.
I'm here, because every
day, my mom would...
she'd force me to...
go to school dressed like a dinosaur!
Hey, not cool!
I wouldn't be laughing if I was you.
Yeah, dinosaurs are so cool.
Stupid freaks.
Okay, see ya later boss.
She called him
boss, that's a good one!
Hey Simon?
What's up?
I need to ask you about something.
What do you know about the thing?
What are you talking about?
You know, the whole
thing with girls and boys.
Oh, yeah, I know all about
how they do the thing.
It's kinda weird, ya know.
First you kind wiggle around,
the girl, she kinda wiggles around too,
and then all of the sudden, POW.
He explodes!
What pow... wait, is it the willy?
Yeah, it explodes.
No, tell me the truth, Simon!
No, seriously, and they fall asleep.
I'm tired.
What about the girl?
The girl mostly just
starts talking loudly
about how much
they agree with the guy.
Oh yes, yes, yes, yes!
Make sense?
You're pretty quiet.
He's quiet because he's in love.
You're in love?
That's just dumb.
Oh come on man, it's so obvious
that you're in love with Camille.
Don't lie to us.
I just want to know why
she's here, that's all.
But you heard her say she was here
because of the dinosaur thing.
I want to dress like a dinosaur.
So, do you really want
to know why she's here?
Mmm hmm.
Are you sure about this?
What if we get caught?
You want to know or not?
Hold the light.
Hey, this is it.
What do we have here?
Ooh, very interesting.
If you really want to know the truth,
she killed a guy, because he loved her.
Ooh, I'd be careful if I were you.
It looks like she's got a thing
for guys with vegetable names.
The guy before you was Carrot.
Come on, Simon.
You're scared.
Okay, for real this time.
Her dad killed her mom.
She loved someone else.
And uh...
He killed himself.
Let me see.
It says here Camille
saw the whole thing, too.
Have a look.
Oh yeah.
It shows in her eyes.
She saw the whole thing.
Hey Georgie,
want some of my snacks?
I didn't say
you could have 'em all.
Where's Camille?
Hey Georgie, look at this!
Oh, I've heard of this.
This is called foreplay.
Simon said if they were in bed,
Rosy would be agreeing with him,
and Mr. Paul's willy would explode.
Simon, is that true?
Of course it is, duh.
It's super gross.
He's only doing it 'cause he's in love.
He's got to hold her real tight
because he's afraid she'll go.
Oh, that's cool.
Alright kids, who's
ready to see some snow?
Wait, Mr. Paul?
Yes, Ahmed?
I have a question.
Um, do you think your
willy's gonna be okay?
I'll be just fine.
I just want to make sure
he'll be okay,
'cause otherwise we won't
be able to see the snow.
Well, well, well, what's this, potato?
Give that back!
Guys, take a look.
- Potato drinks beer.
- Give it to me now!
That belonged to my mom.
- You don't get to touch it!
- Calm down.
It's colder than
I thought it would be.
Who's thirsty?
I am! Me!
One, two, three, four.
Be good.
- Okay.
- Yes, Miss Rosy.
I'm always good.
Those glasses are so cool.
Do they make everything look red?
You want to try?
- Really?
- Here.
Hey, what's going on?
You thief.
Where's your mother?
She left with a man and
doesn't want to see me again.
And your dad?
He's in prison.
You're not just a thief,
but you're a liar too!
No, I'm not a liar.
I never lie.
Come along now, we're leaving.
No, I'm not a liar, I'm not.
Hurry up!
Woo hoo!
- Heads up!
- Watch out!
We're gonna beat you two.
Ow, oh no, ouch, it hurts.
Hey look.
His mom's so pretty.
Maybe she's not his mom.
Free food.
Hey, are you asleep?
And you?
Are you asleep?
And now?
Still awake.
Shh, come on.
I got you a present,
for your birthday.
But my birthday was
three months ago.
I know, but we didn't
know each other back then.
So I couldn't have made you a gift.
How'd you know my birthday
was three months ago?
I sort of snuck into
Miss Paterson's office.
So you know everything, alright then.
Well, I... yeah.
After my parents died I
went to live with my aunt.
She's the one who brought me here.
She pretends to be so
nice, but she's just cruel.
She's always yelling at me.
But now,
this feels like home.
Sometimes, I dream that my mom's alive
and I'm all grown up.
She keeps talking to the
TV and drinking beer,
and in the dream, I drink a lot too.
That's why I'm glad I was brought here.
That won't happen.
Im happy I was brought here.
Otherwise, I wouldn't have met you.
'Bout time you got back.
Did you hold hands
like Mr. Paul and Rosy?
I just wanted
to see the snow again,
because we're leaving tomorrow.
Im not ready to leave.
I belong in the snow, and on a horse.
Come on
everyone, snowball fight!
Girls versus boys.
I'm outta ammo.
Dear Raymond,
everything is good here.
Actually, something amazing happened.
Okay Ahmed, if you lay
your hand here gently,
you can feel him moving.
Rosy's going to have a baby!
I do.
I think it's because
of Mr. Paul's willy.
We were all really scared
that she would leave,
but then she told us it would be
like having a little brother.
So we decided to name him Spiderman.
Spiderman! Spiderman!
I'm looking forward
to your next visit.
Oh yeah, there's one other
thing I want to tell you.
There's a new girl named Camille.
362, 363,
364, 365, 366,.
Hey, what's your best record?
My record's 747.
Id like to get to a thousand.
I read in a book that the
world record is 27,057.
The girl, she jumped for 13 hours.
- Can you imagine?
- Oh yeah?
Not bad.
347, 348, 349, 350...
- 351, 352...
- Three, two, one.
- Mommy?
- 354, 355...
- 358,
- Oh no!
- 359,
- What's she doing here?
360, 361.
Im confused.
She doesn't really wish to see you.
Why should that matter?
I understand
this must be difficult for you,
but it's my job to look out
for Camille's best interests.
You guys aren't slick, ya know?
Whatcha doing?
Is that a letter?
It's from my mom.
You gonna open it?
Im good at opening stuff.
Let me see.
- Wow, a music player!
- That's so cool.
Is there a letter in there?
Um... nuh-uh.
Sorry, Simon.
Could you tell me what she said?
The poor girl is traumatized,
I mean that's obvious.
Camille's afraid she's going to
betray her poor mother.
Yes, that's certainly possible,
and all of this is still
a shock to her.
You must give her time.
Well of course.
I mean, she can have
all the time she needs
as long as she comes back.
She needs to be at home,
surrounded by my love.
Let's see how the weekend goes.
I see London, I see France!
So gross.
We gotta tell him.
Are you guys alright?
Camille's aunt is here.
I think she wants
Camille to live with her.
Poor Camille.
That must be terrible having
to live with her aunt.
Good thing she's not, then.
But she is!
We just heard Miss
Paterson talking about it.
Hey, there's something
I don't understand.
How could she want you to live
with her, if she hates you?
It's for the money.
If I live with her, she
gets a bunch of money.
If they make me go back there,
Id rather die, or kill her.
Then don't go back.
Alright, should we go?
- It's just that they...
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
They don't like cops, I get it.
Wait out here and I'll tell
Miss Paterson we're leaving.
- Weighs a ton!
- It's so heavy!
Come on guys, hurry up.
Next time I'll give that
balloon boy a what for!
That's quite a bag, huh?
Here we go.
You're awfully quiet today.
Why don't you tell me about this girl?
What's she like?
Mmm, okay.
Just okay?
Seemed a lot more than
that in your letter.
Her hair is,
her hair's really soft.
It's long, too.
And her eyes are really incredible.
What color?
What in the world?
I wanted Camille to come, too!
Why didn't you just ask me?
Her aunt wouldn't have let her!
- No, I'm taking you back.
- No!
If we go back, my aunt
will make me go with her,
and she beats me.
Fine... okay okay, but I
do have to call the home.
Yes, that'll be fine.
Yes, thank you.
Ill have to check with her aunt.
Are you okay?
That's my house.
We could stop.
Hey, what are these?
- My mom used to measure
how tall I was.
This one, I repeated a year.
This one is from when
my dad left, I think.
And this one, I don't remember.
Well, looks to me
like you've grown quite a lot.
Here we go!
Woo hoo!
Watch out!
I would've been a lousy cowboy.
Let me have a try.
Whoa, you're good!
We had a gun at home.
Kinda like in an old western?
My dad, uh,
taught me how to shoot.
He, um...
I know.
Could I have one of those
really big teddy bears
back there, ma'am, please?
You got some cute kids there.
Oh no, ma'am, they're...
She's with Zucchini.
Sorry, I meant Icare.
They're with a policeman.
A zucchini and a policeman?
What is this?
She snuck into the car of the officer
who came to pick up one of the boys...
I know a LOT of cops and they don't
go around kidnapping children.
She snuck into his car,
so he didn't know.
She's fine.
What we can say for sure
is that she was scared
to spend the weekend with you.
Well it's a good thing
it's not up to her!
Where is this cop?
Let's try to be reasonable.
Camille has made her choice.
children can't be trusted
to make up their own mind.
Ill find her myself.
E- Excuse me, ma'am, wait.
Could I ask you to
bring this to Camille?
Looks disgusting.
But it's her lucky charm!
She forgot it.
Well, if it's her lucky
charm, then of course!
Is that you
when you were younger?
Oh, no, that's my son.
Your son?
Yes, but, he lives very far away,
and I don't ever get to see him.
Sometimes children
leave their parents, too.
Want to see the rest?
It's like a jungle in here!
Well not quite,
but maybe one day.
Is this for us?
You like it?
Woo hoo!
Hey, remember on the bus?
I wasn't sleeping.
Not in bed, I see.
Shame on the both of you!
Come over here right now, Camille.
We are going home.
No! Help!
Don't make me drag you.
- Would you hurry up!
- Let me go!
Let go of her right now!
Stop, I don't
want to live with you!
You, you call yourself a cop?
I'll see that you're
stripped of your badge!
She doesn't
want to stay with you.
- She has...
- She's coming home with me,
and you can't stop me!
And the judge is
going to agree with me.
We'll see about that!
Im not sure this is a good idea, guys.
I think I'm starting to see things.
This French fry's talking.
And what is the French fry
saying then, fatso?
Eat me, eat me, eat me, huh?
What's going on here?
No one's hungry?
Is it not good?
We're on a hunger strike
until Camille comes home!
Of course she'll be coming back!
She's going to come back to see
the judge and he will decide
whether or not she'll get to stay with us.
Dear Camille,
ever since you left, we
don't laugh that much.
We tried to go on a hunger strike,
but it didn't work out.
Oh, Beatrice's mom actually came.
But Bea got scared and ran back inside.
I want to stay with you.
And Ahmed,
he started wetting his bed again.
Testing, testing,
one, two, one, two.
Hey, it's Simon here.
If you can hear me, raise your arm.
No, the other one.
Sorry, I couldn't help it.
Okay, I'm not gonna lie,
things are lookin' bad.
So I need you to listen
very carefully.
You're a little tramp,
just like your mother.
But, your stupidity will work in my favor.
Camille's back.
Judges don't like runaways.
You've dug your own grave, silly girl!
Your Honor, I'm the only
family she has left.
More than fit to give her
an exceptional education,
comfort, and of course, lots of love.
I will treat her as my very own.
Mmm hmm.
And of course,
we already have such a wonderful bond.
Camille doesn't seem
to share your enthusiasm.
You must understand,
with all the horrible
trauma she's been through,
she must feel she's
betraying her poor mother.
Camille, tell me what you think.
Would you like to go home
with your aunt?
Im sure that you'll admit
that after the disaster the other day,
her safety is a concern.
This is a shameful excuse for a home.
The inmates are running the asylum!
You're a little tramp,
just like your mother,
but your stupidity will work...
Give it here now!
Give it to me you wretched girl!
We're done.
- Right this instant!
- Both of you!
Stop, stop, stop it at once!
You've dug
your own grave, silly girl.
What are you dressed as, Alice?
I'm a nice pirate, argh!
What about you, Georgie?
Im a mummy.
What are you dressed up as, Beatrice?
Im Camille!
So what are your powers,
Super Zucchini?
Growing vegetable extra fast?
Hey Simon, what are you
supposed to be?
A sad clown?
I'm dressed as the
guy who saved your butt!
Now he's dressed like a cop!
Hey, slow down.
Still not a fan of cops,
but I think I'm gonna keep the hat.
Ooga booga, Ooga booga, Ooga!
Ooga booga Ooga!
Ooga booga Ooga!
Ooga booga Ooga.
Ooga booga Ooga,
Ooga booga Ooga.
Ooga booga Ooga!
Are you coming back soon?
Of course.
But, how soon?
So, Zucchini,
I talked to the judge, I asked him
if I could become your
foster home, be your family,
for you and Camille.
The judge said it was okay?
Uh, yeah.
So we'll be a family?
Just us and you?
That's right.
You'll come and live
in my home, with me.
Of course, it would be your
home, too, if you like.
Did you already tell Camille?
Yes, well,
the judge spoke to her.
And uh, what did she say?
I don't know.
But you have plenty of
time to think about it.
It's up to you, okay?
Well, goodnight and I'll see you soon.
Yeah, real soon.
Uh, I wanted to say thank you,
for saving me.
Most of all to you, Simon.
- Thank you.
- Way to go, Simon!
I never thought it'd be possible
to have a life where I could be happy,
but because of you guys, it is.
And we're all gonna
stay together forever.
Shut up!
That's not true!
They're not staying with you!
Camille and Zucchini are ditching us,
for a stupid cop, too!
Hey, Simon?
We're not gonna go, Simon.
We want to stay with everyone.
It wouldn't be fair for us to leave.
We'd rather stay here and be together.
You know you have to go.
You don't get it at all.
No one wants to adopt
kids as old as we are.
- But...
- But nothing!
You just... you have to go.
Do you understand?
Are cops and superheroes
supposed to hug?
Kinda weird, huh?
Simon, you have to move in closer.
Stay still, say cheese!
Now this one's for real!
say cheese!
Let's play pirates.
Fly, Super Zucchini.
Okay, I'll race you.
The last one to finish
has to wash my shorts
until the end of time!
Ready, go!
This is the day we became a family.
Do you like it?
You okay?
Yeah, I don't know why I'm crying.
Sometimes we cry when we're happy.
Isn't that right?
Dear Simon,
you used to say that
Fontaines was a place
for kids with no one
left to love them,
but that's not true...
'cause we still love you.
And the others do, too.
Look, he's awake!
Whoa, he won't let go.
What are you gonna name him?
I like it.
Spiderman still
would've been cool, too.
Is he gonna live here,
at the home with us?
Unless you abandon him.
I promise, I'd never!
Even... even if he's ugly?
Even if he smells bad?
Even if he cries all the time?
Even if he wets the bed?
Even if he's bad at school?
Even if he's dumb?
Even if he forgets his name
and his feet are stinky?
Even if he's super annoying
Even if he farts?
Even if he scribbles on the walls?
And won't stop screaming?
Even if he wants to be a cop?
Even if...
Even if he eats all your food?
Even if his
neck is long like a giraffe?
Seriously, no matter what?
Come and sit here.
We're just going to ask you
a couple of questions.
My mom says I shouldn't
speak to strangers.
So, would you like to be in a film?
Oh, yeah!
Like Shrek!
Except I...
I don't know how to fart.
All I do is burp.
You do that well!
I don't know...
Everyone at school makes fun of me...
Except Salah...
She laughs at everything!
What if we asked you
to play a boy who lost his parents?
Well, since my parents got divorced...
They don't love each other anymore
and they've got loads of problems...
I don't know...
Sometimes I'm a bit sad inside...
Can I ask you something, mister?
Yes, of course!
Is it you that chose the
name "Zucchini"?
No, it wasn't me,
that's the name in the book.
It's his mother, in the book,
who calls her son "Zucchini."
Why? You don't like "Zucchini"?
Well... Zucchini, it stinks...
It's really girly!
- Ah...
- Cheeky little bugger...
If I'm chosen for the film,
can I change the name?