My Awkward Sexual Adventure (2012)

My sexual adventure strange
Jonas Chernik
Emily Hampshire
Vick Saha
Good morning!
Breakfast in bed.
How sweet it is... Sleeves cut
into hearts!
Yes apple bacon and crescent smile.
I'm not going to Niagara Falls.
Not funny. You know how hard that
I have a room with a hot tub?
Previously prepaid, and return the
money for a room with a hot tub.
Listen, Jordan. Currently I am in
a difficult period in...
I think I need... need...
Well, wait. Wait!
No! What are you doing?
It should be done before tomorrow night...
I'll stay here. - Do not!
You... You're the only girl
I wanted to be.
Rachel Stern, will you marry me?
I can not spend the rest of your life
have sex only with you.
Well, Rach...
Look, I can improve!
I get up! Just tell me where
I'm wrong.
Not a good idea. - I can live!
Very well.
You have bad breath. - I can fix it.
I do not know how to kiss. I do
not know what to do with my breasts.
Sometimes, trying to suck.
It ended too soon.
His cock seems... - Very good.
There is no need...
I never lame. Fri call "favors of time. "
Not anywhere near my butt. You
do not want a...
Why I want three! Disappoint someone?
Good point. - Look, Rach.
We can fix it. I'll read the book!
No, I'll make a list... We'll
fix it together as a team.
Ok, but there are so many things
I have not tried.
Over the past year, he realized
he needed a change.
We both need. We tried, really.
But I want to move in...
I am releasing. - I will be free.
I wanna be with you. - No, no!
Hold. - No! Take your license.
Go to Toronto in Dendak and fun.
When I return, I'm going to my sister...
No! Please wait!
Well, it was very clear. I hear you.
I'm a bad lover, right? - Yes
But book seats on the plane.
I took a window seat that you love.
Let's talk about it during the break.
Gary works hard.
Better not go down and you lose
the stupid trip.
You know, Kelly, who...
- What will you mourn?
Want a tissue? - No.
God, truly mourn.
Hi, Mom. - He's crazy right?
Waiting for years like an idiot...
- What do you think? Not..
I had to ask, did not break up
with her.
Nobody breaks right, Mom.
Actually, after three hours of
going on a special trip...
I can not talk. Train.
last call for Flight 632 to
'Go all passengers on board.
Toronto passengers waiting
Jordan Abrams.
Jordan Abrams, please report
to the output.
I'm waiting for someone.
not come.
What is this, Jordan? - Have you
been checking in?
No, I will not. - Come on, baby,
close the doors.
Now we need the space.
Well, I get home and I'll postpone
the flight for tomorrow.
No, no, no! Do not listen to me,
I need you, actually. See you next week.
Have a... Hey!
type of person that people
should relax.
board the plane.
There they are. Come here.
The next seven days will follow my
every gesture and every word of mine.
See, hear, absorbed.
Life is like a table with food, my
friend. Now is the time to eat the table.
How intimate haircut? Shaved?
I think not!
Do not worry, I have a backup cutter.
- I have no intention to deceive Rachel.
Are you kidding? She broke up
with you, man.
Really? Very kind of you.
- Stop it, that's not fair!
He suffers from a girl of 12 years.
It took 24 years to convince
her to give him a chance.
It did not work. Sorry.
But it's time to move on.
And his mentor wants to focus on sex.
Sorry to bother you...
Beautiful boots!
Is it a problem?
My friend is not attractive?
Not bad, maybe seven.
20? - No.
10? - Yes
I'd say 5 or 6, but you're in shape.
7 out of 10, right? - Yes 7.
He organized a small party tonight.
He's new in town.
Why not leave your friends?
Apartment 4 at 8:00.
What do you think?
Of course it is. - Fantastic!
For sexual confidence takes time.
Believe me, I know Rachel.
Until today I was playing,
and tomorrow I'll be sat here.
Man, if those little raisins
you call balls
and bring them back into the
scrotum to be shaved.
Therefore, women prefer.
Do not fight and do not bite much.
No! Not...
No, no, no!
Oh, my God! Be careful, please!
Thanks Renaldo. This is for you.
Lord! Wait. - Very good.
What are you doing here? Attention!
I know! But I wonder what this
half-naked man serving drinks?
He is here to ensure that they
will have sex.
This suggests that women think
about sex and what not!
Why not go to bed with him?
- Because my plan is ingenious.
This gentleman prefers the
company of gay men.
Therefore, women are forced to take...
Please give me the phone.
- Not enough!
Not until you talk to a girl.
I do not want much. Do it for me.
I know you're nervous, but you're
hard Miss July.
I love it.
Well... I could direct a lady
who have not had sex with her
and talk.
Dada. No two.
No, I've been there.
A recount? - No, no problem.
Then the darkness. I was banging
on the back. - Very good.
Hi! - Hi
I'm Tanya. - Tanya, Tanya...
Hello - nice to meet you, Tanya.
So what are you doing?
What are you doing? - What?
What... How Do I?
I do not understand.
Really? Real Estate? - Yes
Yugo. Property Owner. I've had.
Cool, yes. No, that's great.
G- O-t-i-n-oh, oh... - Are you okay?
I miss my boyfriend.
Excuse me.
Behold, I have spoken. Are you happy?
It has been dishonored.
Where are you going?
What is this team?
You have to pack another candidate
for marriage.
God, their parents, who continue to play
matchmaker! - Yes, because every Indian family.
Must respect the traditions.
You're in charge while I'm gone.
Just give me back my phone.
- What?
Phone. - Is that what you want?
Let's see something.
As I suspected. Zero loss.
Why call it, man?
Because he is jealous.
Yes, she is jealous.
and photographed with red baby
Rachel called me 15 times.
Do you remember? - No, not you remember?
Give me the phone. - Well, I did!
Upstairs in the loft. - No?
Lots of fun!
What? - Jordan, it is better
not to talk.
What? I can not hear, my dear.
Dendak prepare me crazy party in...
Here is complete! He is full of girls.
Tanya is engaged in real estate
and my cousin...
Rach... This is our affection
to your music?
with other truth?
Look, let's talk when you get back.
Right? - Very good. Good idea.
Is there anyone with you?
You're a bad boy! Go to bed!
Hello! - Hi
I was a bit strange being there
again and sorry. - Now heals me?
I feel much better.
I was hoping to start again.
Well, well. - Very good.
Thank you. I'm Jordan, accountant.
Tanya, real estate. - Nice to meet you
Can a personal question?
You can take sexy photos to convince
my girlfriend to marry me?
Go on like this, I'll shoot.
A quick photo?
"Beauty and the Beast" NIGHT CLUB
Sorry. I could not...
These machines... Their rates
are astronomical.
I want chips.
Yes, but take it and charge more
than twice the bank rate.
It is not wise. - Yes, but I
feel like eating potato chips.
Here you are.
This is the "Karma Bank. " - Hold it.
No, really! Pay it or whatever
you decide.
Thank you.
Spike, I need pliers.
Hell, Julia, recording your contact!
Recorded Jan De gum wrapper
and put it in her purse,
but I forgot at home.
At least three drinks. - Yes
It does not seem so bad!
- For the last time!
It will not happen again.
That's good, but we can do better.
What's next? You're right, honey!
Here's one for you. Let's do it again.
Here's a twenty. One, two, three...
You can eat your sandwich, Jules?
Sup not much.
Wow, this says. - Hey, handsome!
Get premium. There are prizes
for everyone!
I want to do it again with dad?
I hate this job.
Shut up.
These are my pants.
My pants...
Stupid "Bank of Karma".
Where are your pants?
This is the coat? - My coat...
Wait! No!
Where do you live? - I miss my boyfriend.
Address nearby. - No problem.
I can drive all night, while sober.
What to do? - Do not know.
I will not take it back. Not mine.
- Not mine.
Hey... I'll let you sleep on the couch.
Listen carefully. I love to cook...
I have knives sharp and dangerous.
Just to try something, I'm going to cut.
I'll cut your face! - You're a
good man, thanks!
Move! - Come on.
Amount to be $ 11,390.
No need to do that.
And you know why the smell of
rine and where are my pants?
Great mystery!
I searched...
Here, keep.
Maybe I should clarify.
Alcohol is not working for me...
- Not a word.
Thanks for making me lose.
Nice. It was not necessary.
In fact, he had.
Vacationing in this list?
- Yes, 10 days a year.
One advantage of being a counter.
Do you like cookies? - Well...
Thank you, my stomach is empty.
Delicious! Where do you take?
- I prepared last night.
Take it for later.
What they are doing! - On the road.
No, no, no! Do not leave the coffee on.
I ordered in folders. All these warnings.
Sorry, probably did not want to deepen
their financial documents.
I do not care. - Really?
Because when I was looking for pants
accidentally looked in...
You know what your problem is?
We accountants call "disorder".
Have you thought about a loan? - Yes...
Since banks give money to strippers right?
They do not care as long as you
have active. Do you have something of value?
This apartment. The legacy of
my father.
Yes, each bank will provide a
loan. - Life is too short.
Do not waste time, I'm worried
about money.
Jacket you're looking for?
- I was looking for...
Thank you.
Oh, yes!
I can? Ask for your professional
What these women like me more?
What are you trying to do?
I suggested to my girlfriend
and she left me.
So I wanted to make him jealous
how to show how much fun in Toronto
and women find me sexually attractive.
Well, sit down. - Thank you.
There is no one to talk to, and
I'm at a difficult time and I'd like...
What are you doing?
Take a picture of your girlfriend
is going to get wet, mold will be collected.
Due to the "Bank of Karma".
Very well.
A little higher.
Really? - Yes
Say "cheese". - Cheese.
Am Julia, among others.
- Hi, I'm Jordan.
It's really good. Thank you.
Thanks for everything.
Not a little. - Thanks for the
coffee and cookies.
It really is..
Well, well, I will.
Success! - Thank you.
Okay, so I sent him.
You know... wait.
Why not try?
Thank you!
Oh, sorry! Wait a minute.
As for me.
Are you serious?
Hi, honey! - To the idiot that
made me think?
This girl is super sexy!
So if I had a little ugly,
he would choose?
Actually, yes.
What are you trying to say leave
me alone right?
No, I want to see how fun it is
in the big city.
Model hired to make me jealous?
God, who hired him in Calgary?
What's going on?
I miss you. I want to start again.
I'll be back in Winnipeg and
dinner. - So what?
Undress me and put me to sleep?
No, thank you. Those days are over.
I can change! - Want to change?
If you find a special potion that
makes you better in bed
so call me or leave me alone, okay?
Lord! No, you know what...
Hello, friend. - The Stripper - Julia
I sexy photos. I sent to Rachel.
I was furious. You were absolutely right!
Teach me to fuck! - Reshma,
this is Jordan.
He has a great sense of humor.
- Nice, Jordan.
Rachel never marry me if I did
not learn everything in sex.
What to do? How could you help
with that?
He said that would be my sex
mentor. - Spiritual Mentor!
And no sex. It sounds good.
Show me how Piggy! - Well...
Excuse me while I go freshen
up. - Yes
You talk. - Sure.
I'll miss you. - Not as much
as I missed you.
I want to ruin my life? - What?
Sorry, you are not guilty. Last
night I was hooked.
Impossible! You are not in love.
You're a prostitute.
This was the case, but this girl...
Drank tea at three o'clock. We
arrived here and found his soul.
And when the sun rose, we made love.
I'm sorry, "make love", you say?
- And in the morning lying in his arms.
My penis was in her vagina was amazing.
It's called "Embrace". - Really?
It was as if
waking up from a nap, eating
scrambled eggs,
mother turn to pee in the bathroom.
And all this time.
Reshma is a conservative family and
should not be learned for mrasotiykite.
But you said you reveal your soul.
- Yes, except for a function.
Thousands of technical details.
- No! I need the old Dendak,
teach me the tricks to get girls
to sleep with me...
No, now I have to stay focused.
Take that old Dendak disappeared.
I can not do it alone.
- You are absolutely right.
You need an intensive training of a Jedi.
I need a Yoda! - Exactly.
Someone explain the four quadrants
of the clitoris...
What are these quadrants? - Shut up.
The woman's clitoris has four
In short. With manual or oral
is necessary to concentrate on
the upper left quadrant.
Repeat. - The upper left quadrant.
But is microscopic. How can be
divided into four?
When you know something, you just know.
Hello! - Hi
Look, I never go to the bathroom alone.
I missed you.
There is a difference between
a stripper and prostitute.
Honestly pretty girls in the club
would sleep with you for money, but not me.
No! Sure. I know you're not a whore.
In the morning when I was there,
I looked at the...
No one can say that the "vibrator"!
Yes, I have a vibrator.
I have also lubricant.
Sometimes watching porn. What
does this have to do in...
I'm serious. Just look at you.
You are so sure of himself.
The confidence that I have.
I feel sorry for your girlfriend
but then I do not need help.
Everything is under control, but thanks.
Julia, this is a "disorder".
They blocked my credit cards.
See? Why talk.
We must do everything now, before
it gets worse.
Do not be late, because
I can not help you.
I can fix the debts poizchistya.
Well, I'll be your sex Yoda.
- Really? Really?
Great! I'm only here for five days.
We can start with a little guidance
and advice.
What are you doing? - I'm getting my...
Oh, no. Not that.
You think I'm... Not mean to imply...
I thought it would be a learning lesson
as a teacher and a student,
who will mentor Yoda.
Yoda Luke Skywalker walks.
He sat down and taught him to move
objects with the mind.
Keep your pants, right?
- Do not remove them.
Let's see how we can save your ass.
Tell me the first step.
To turn on the system and continue
with your problem.
Meet with your manager.
- I have a manager?
Do you have a bank account? - Yes
So you have a manager. - What am
I supposed to call and I?
Yes, it is easy to call a number
on the map.
Really? - Yes!
These are just the lips.
Lips... Lips...
Dildo. Big pink dildo.
Set the date for the meeting tomorrow!
Intimate massage. Good idea!
First lesson. To go.
private massage
How I can help? - We...
We would...
Massage? - Yes, massage.
Sexual massage.
$ 40. Everything else is being
discussed in the room.
Wait my friend. - Not my friend.
Come with me.
Sorry, honey, but it is illegal.
- Against the law?
Well, obviously not meant to be.
Pity. - Really?
Whatever you say, boss. Back here.
How will do my best in sex?
Ok, I'm ready.
This is not over. - What?
These women are trained to make
it possible to quickly empty.
If you keep him premature, you
can do with the other.
Be alert. They tricks.
Tricks powerful.
Hello, dear. I'm Sapphire.
This is not your real name.
Because they are not used.
I do not mean "you" as a racial slur.
I'm Jordan. Kevin would.
For the first time, you, dear? - No.
Once I got a massage with hot stones,
The stones were hot and burning me.
You know... I feel less nauseous.
Relax, it'll be great. - Very good.
This mass is disinfected?
Yes, laundry play there.
Very well.
Here we go.
Want to see my tits? - No, thank you.
So... I will finish.
No, no, no.
No! No, no, no.
Vomiting. Puker.
Vomiting. People burned.
Too bad the skin. Faces burned.
Their faces are badly burned.
Baby, you have a big cock.
It looks great.
A lot. - Mother!
Over my mouth, baby. Sprayed with
hot cum on my face.
No, no, no!
Baby, you want to squeeze your balls?
No! Please do not!
My God, my eyes!
Offenders in the second quarter.
This is her boyfriend - not my friend.
Are you okay? - Lord broke my nose!
What are you doing? - Slip.
You're a fag. He was about to hit.
Hi there.
I have fear of not being able to use the
apartment as collateral for the loan.
Why? - According to our records,
in 2008,
Miss Bow mortgaged to make
purchases totaling
more than $ 70,000.
Why fail to mention this?
You said that if I have a plan,
the bank will give me a loan.
Yes, but beware the small matter
that you have taken a loan...
He remembered now that you mention
this kind.
Actually happen.
I called the number on the card
for more money
and the woman on the phone said:
to qualify for a mortgage.
I agreed and signed the papers.
- Ok, no problem.
All is well. Plan B
We would like a loan, please.
- Good idea.
I love it. We can do it!
I'll start preparing documents
and Mrs. bow I can report that I
would point out that the guarantor.
As has already committed its resources,
you need someone to guarantee
that the bank will get their money
back if you do not pay contributions.
Standard procedure. - It could be anyone!
As long as you have a good credit
history and know of at least five years.
For example, a parent.
O brothers.
And a friend will.
They are strippers have valuable
things, but we're talking about.
Sorry! - I knew it was a stupid idea.
How much do your job? - Do not know.
I spent the night... - Jesus Christ!
Well, we go back inside.
- Six hundred and something.
Hundred dollars? - It was a bad night.
I will raise, Julia. - Really?
Yes, I can make a budget. Review
the cost numbers.
We do not need stupid Julia bank.
Banks are for suckers, right?
You should try it.
Come here. Take them out of
South Australia.
No, I love them!
Have you tried the oysters?
- No, I know.
Come here.
God. - Agreed.
What are you doing... - Try it.
Well? - How is lemon
Come on. - They are good!
Delicious. - You!
Where to get them!
I see that you are not a fan of
Philosophy "clean kitchen. "
No priority. - No.
Do not be afraid to get dirty.
Come here.
Shrimp is not removed by hand.
Jews should not touch unless shrimp
in a Chinese restaurant.
Reach inside! - I am orthodox.
Peel well. - Done.
Now is... Tell me something dirty.
What? Outside it? I do not know if I can.
the bad words
Come on, try. The bad word. - Wet.
Are you serious? - Yes, I'm wet
like a baby.
You're a man, why are you wet?
- Do not know. Forget. Very well. Difficult.
Use it in a sentence. -
It is very difficult.
Below, try again.
You make me strong. - Really?
Not true!
And what's more difficult?
- My penis. My member.
Try a "knot". - My nipple.
What is the knot? - Very difficult.
What you do with it? - Well...
What do you do with the knot?
- I want...
What do you do with the big knot?
- I want to say...
What do you do with the disk node?
- I'm gonna get in Shunde.
It was not bad.
So delicious! How Do I?
Care and Shrimp Boil. Curry should
not be too spicy.
And Rice "Basmati". A child delivers
it from the foothills of the Himalayas.
Best 'Basmati' in the world.
This is important.
I have not tried a good cheese.
I'm not kidding. Everything is
amazing! You must have done something.
In culinary school you go, or
who worked as a cook?
The obligation. Have you thought
about this race?
You think! - I have an idea.
Completely unrealistic, but I think
a restaurant called "Aphrodisiac".
Anise, dark chocolate, basil,
honey, garlic.
Wine bar classic with sexy curves.
Great concept. - This is just an idea.
Not really a great concept.
I looked at her apartment,
I saw things I've gathered.
It can be argued that it is unrealistic,
but it seems unrealistic.
As you can see I'm not good with money
which are a prerequisite for the
opening of the restaurant.
Maybe it's a vicious circle.
You can spend the money because you
are not satisfied with your career
and fill the void in your life.
Say you're not good with money,
but gives you an excuse
do not take chances and try something
that will make you very happy.
Blah, blah, blah. What I'm trying to...
I do not know what you're talking about.
That's why we should not drink.
It will likely be back to work.
I have to get ready for work.
- Very good.
Over? - No, it doyam.
No need. - Thanks for dinner.
An amazing dinner!
Brought to ask my "disaster"?
I'm working, but it will not be easy.
With all these bills and credit
card debts.
The notification of "Skeet Income.
" What's this?
I was told the rental of furniture,
which will be cheaper.
Do you? - What help me with taxes.
Should I worry? - No, I'll be fine.
Just follow this budget
and observe the quotas.
And by love, woman of God, stop
spending so much money!
I can not spend $ 1,000 for white
truffles from Tasmania.
Do not. You need to save money.
Do you understand? - What I have!
My money.
Saved! - Very good!
Let's start with the food.
There are deformed and refined foods.
Tomorrow morning at 10 am, to be
held in the "Extra Foods".
"Extra Foods"!
Really. - Yes
Hey, Jules! - Hi
This is my neighbor - Nu Tone
I make scrambled eggs, but the eggs.
Add a little cream. Just a little.
Jordan - Tom Tom - Jordan.
How is Jordan? - Hello, how are you?
What bothers you? - No.
You have a problem with the naked
male form? - No, no.
To avoid eye contact with my penis.
No, just out of its isolation.
Just try not to bother.
Jordan, I do not care to look. Mr.
Tom has a beautiful penis. - Really?
Oh, it's beautiful cock.
Just look at him. - Look how well.
Sexual Insecurity is unattractive.
Sorry, I want to see your penis an hour.
A little cream, thanks. I took.
- Very good.
This guy has problems, Jules.
- How so? I do not think...
The problems we have?
overcoming problems
It looks good.
Wow, this is crazy!
Come on!
Are you in a dress. - I know.
But if you do, at least be right.
Let us live it.
I once, why not try?
Quick, before I change my mind.
- I go to a scholarship.
Not even the shame! Hi! I wear panties.
I can not believe how good I feel.
I'm also completely anonymous.
You hear that?
Looks like someone whistling.
And you will like it! - I loved it!
Hello, beautiful!
Oh, she grabbed my package!
Say "spirits"! - Emotion!
Oh, no! Excuse me, but I want the pictures.
You can download from my Blog:
"Kurventiya monkey" and "blogspot,
two backslashes point ka"
Now send them. - No, wait!
If my boyfriend see them... - Do not
think your boyfriend reads your blog
And what's more anonymous.
You are totally unrecognizable. - Right?
Jordan? Jordan Abrams?
Rabbi Finkelstein? What...
With Esther, are the guests of Abraham.
No! Sorry!
Spank the scrotum. Spank!
He is married and has two boys
and a girl. - Beautiful.
This is Julia, she's my client.
I'm here on business.
Accounting course. - Yes, this
is Rabbi Finkelstein.
He was my teacher of Hebrew and
celebrated my ritual "Bar Mitzvah".
Exactly! Jordan sang so well.
His voice was weak and sharpens.
Rabbi, I'm glad to see you,
but you have to go.
Live TV "CK In Di".
This autumn night in the provincial capital
hundreds of men and women of all ages
gather on the night of debauchery...
Esther! Look who's here!
Jordan Abrams!
Do you remember? Accountant Winnipeg.
Here the legendary street gay
church", lesbians and transsexuals,
Jordan led counter Abrams,
voluntary bankruptcy.
Hello? - Yes! This!
What do you mean? - You wear a dress.
I do not think.
Dale on live television.
What are you doing? - I can explain it.
Rachel overcome their sexual insecurities.
Reveal your femininity.
Who's that girl? - What?
There's no girl.
No, wait. Rachel!
Have a good night. Hope to see
you after the holidays.
And do not worry, Jordan will
maintain its secrecy.
Thank you.
Do not worry... - That's it!
You should go home and rest.
Have a good night.
The correction for tomorrow yet,
right? "Extra Foods"!
Hi, Mom. - Hey, baby.
How are you doing? Are you okay?
- All right, dear.
Except for the fact that my
son is a fag!
return tickets Winnipeg
Organic Cheese - $ 8
I thought you were not coming.
I have the worst cheese!
I'm going home to ask Rachel
to take me back.
And our agreement? - You have
a budget, you will do well.
Success! - No, I need you!
This morning, I called the agent.
It is perfectly reasonable
The ideal location and ready for use.
We get it, right? - Do not know.
If I were her accountant,
would be against.
I know, but since I have most
of the furniture in my apartment.
I need a crash course, only
the most basic,
because you have to move fast...
- No, I fly. Sorry.
So Rachel, you scream and you came
jumping back on all fours?
You will find more chicken than before.
- Very good.
What happens when you have sex?
She falls asleep as he smelled the sheets.
Luke Skywalker threw in half?
No, he is back in the swamp
and complete their education.
And what happened next?
- Do not know, and I cried a lot...
He became a Jedi, right?
He endured to the end.
Shut up, Jordan! Stop arguing
and do what I say!
Ok, sorry.
But seriously? It was very easy.
I know what you need.
In our country, tonight at 8 pm
- I can not.
Be there! - Very good.
Eat more.
Here you are.
This will not end well. - So.
You can not allow more people
step by step.
Tonight, you are the aggressor.
be the aggressor
Do you trust me?
Want to die.
I want this sofa birth our babies.
I want our babies die in bed.
I want this sofa is covered
with dead babies.
Who is this? - He does not have a key?
Do not give him the key. - Why?
Wait here.
What's going on sir "bastard"?
- What are you doing here, Rach?
Where is? - Do not know.
Perhaps with that stripper!
- The girl in the picture?
Yes, but it's not what you think.
Is Yoda.
Yoda? What are you talking shit?
Very well. Where is a strip club?
No. - Where is the strip club?
Tighten. Come on, bitch!
Now imagine I'm your boss. This is
your chance to tell your back.
Kelly dear, I appreciate that you
are more pleasant to work with me!
Fuck you, Abrams! You're an idiot!
Now I want to hit me? - That's it.
But she can not speak well.
Normally, it behaves as if it
had an emotional breakdown...
What's this?
Salzichki to run? Crying Game
have little baby?
Yes, that way, but I hate
feminine hygiene products.
You need a pad? Kotex you need?
Yes, use similar terms.
- Want a new pad? For your...
Three times a whiskey sour.
Sorry Julia here?
- Erotic dance you want?
Not... - Five dollars for a massage.
Ten to fuck with fingers.
Fifteen clitoral orgasm.
No! I want the direction of
Julia. Please!
Gary made personal calls during
working hours.
You are cruel, Kelly! I do not
like you.
Okay, now pretend I'm Rachel.
Rach, it's not fair that I have no
right to keep dairy products in the country
because you have lactose intolerance.
I love yogurt!
But if you dig deeper?
It does not hurt?
Yes, but it was not his fault.
- Tell that to Rachel.
Rach's not his fault he felt
romantic feelings for me.
I knew he cared about me.
It's not your fault.
I chose to stay in his life and
be with you...
All slept, they left me. I talked more.
After some time
start thinking that maybe its appeal.
But do not let me, Rach. During
all these years.
That must mean something, right?
And of course, I thought you
were my girlfriend.
As it came to sex.
And all the other girls, who...
- Maybe you're wrong about me.
I'm not your girlfriend. Wrong
all these years.
No, do not tell. This is not true.
I know you're in love with me
all the time?
Yes, but what could I do?
I guess I knew that it is
difficult and painful.
Maybe I should have my share every
detail of their ex-boyfriends.
It was not necessary. - But he did?
Even though I knew it was torture
for you. - In the 11th year the camp.
Raccoons everywhere and slept in a tent.
And did you know that kind of
knob on the other side.
There was no need to have sex with him,
considering that sleep beside her.
Especially since he knew I was
afraid of raccoons and could not sleep!
Thank you.
Trevor played last year, right?
You feel bad, heartbroken.
And where did he go?
Good old Jordan will always be
the opposite.
To utilize and take advantage of it!
No matter how many times you
break my heart!
You're a selfish bitch!
- You're a selfish bitch!
You never listen!
Now listen!
Are you ready to hear this? Listen!
Do not know why kid yourself
that you love me.
You are incapable of love, Rachel!
When you are old, single, thick,
and surrounded by cats
you realize it's a big mistake you made
Just because you like what I have sex.
Because not tolerate any man
crazy dream pussy fuck!
Hey, Rach.
Wait! Where are you going?
This is the most romantic
thing you've done!
How could you? Do you really
think these things about me?
No! Learn to talk dirty!
So I really feel? I want the truth.
No! It was just an exercise!
- What do you exercise?
I do it for you, Rachel. For us.
Dressed as a woman! - Shut up!
So think about that?
Selfish bitch. Insensitive...
Just because I'm fat! - God, no!
I did not mean that, I just
wanted you, Rach.
I need you. Without you I am lost.
Is this true? - Yes
Do we do it? - Yeah, come on! Out!
Wait! Julia must unravel.
No! Forget it. Come on!
It tied gagged. It will run for 30 seconds.
No, wait, I'm serious!
Either she or me.
Are you saying that if I lose my
girlfriend for 30 seconds
end with me forever?
Yes, I say. You're right.
You have to choose.
Come on! This week was terrible.
You're my best friend. You are my help.
Ok, you're right. I made a mistake.
So... come on!
Come home!
I can not. I'm not going to stop there.
I hope to be here when I return.
- Why, you... little sad!
He was serious. I knew it!
Fuck! Fuck! - Well! Lame!
Hard fuck! Do you know how to fuck!
Shibanyachka Damn! I'll give nashibam!
Freak bitch! Do you realize?
You know what? You put, fucking whore!
Fuck! You do not know how to
fuck anything stupid!
Silly, you can not get laid!
- Fuck you, motherfucker!
Fuck! - Fuck you!
Wait! I do not mean that. Wait!
Do not go, please.
Hey, what...
Where were you?
They came and took everything.
How can they do this?
They took everything!
- Have a confiscation order.
I do not know how they got so fast.
Wait! Where are you going?
I'm going after Rachel! - He said
he would take care of.
You can read all the letters?
- It is not fair. I can not be blamed!
It's not my fault that you hired
all, a guy named Skeet
and stopped to pay. - But you
told me not to worry!
And now all things for my restaurant...
I can not go back. Gone!
I just told Rachel to fuck in...
If you do not go after her,
is lost forever.
I'm sorry, I can not help you
with your restaurant.
I checked this morning and there
was a delay. Now I say it's time.
Or later in time?
Trying to catch a flight the night
before. Trips to the airport.
Times. You can stop by here, please!
Wait a moment, please.
Yes, no problem. I live to serve.
You still there? Yes, a lot.
I would really like to have in the
field in three years.
Thank you.
Please tell him when he comes.
Thank you.
You'll be fine, Jules. - Yes
How do you know? - I saw you dancing.
You're a great dancer.
The best separator! - Yes
Hi I have a bag of...
I thought guarantor must have
at least five years.
I lied. - Lie bank counter?
Yeah, basically what we are doing.
Skeet was right. Open all updates.
If it were, you can appeal.
So I became a guarantor of your loan.
Everything is ready.
Do not worry, because Skeet has the
right to take only the furniture!
With the rest of the loan and pay
a lawyer, you can return it.
Very well. Thank you.
Wait a minute!
I know I owe you...
Last night, I acted like tatters.
You TATTERED truth!
I know that. And last night knew.
Almost did not return...
I could not because I was uncomfortable.
I could not look into his eyes.
I do not deserve a friend
like you, Julia.
I leave you with the wisdom,
the baby green ears.
Then go after him? - Yes
Not learn from a book, silly. - What?
Well, I can not let her sleep
during reconciliation sex, right?
Do you have any fruit?
cunnilingus FOR BEGINNERS
do not worry about your hair.
Come on, let's see what you got.
- Very good.
Wait! Take it easy! Take your time.
Introduce yourself. Slowly. First breathing.
And then, very carefully...
It is the Spirit. Do it.
How to make the window.
Yes, and then very gently with
his tongue...
Little by little! Almost imperceptibly.
Yes, it's true.
Do not talk.
So I do not know what you did,
but do not over do.
Try long strokes from bottom to top.
Yes, even with pressure.
When you feel that the melon is ready,
then it's time for the clitoris.
You know what that means, right?
Top. Yes, right there.
You are beautiful.
Working parties.
Refrain from direct contact. Flirt, tease.
Wait! Do not suck! This is not a lollipop!
Back to what I was doing - pushing!
Right. Yes, it is
Yes, grabbed.
Well, if I could...
Really? Do you agree?
Because I think I can...
- To help with this lesson? Good!
Well, well. - Yes
I really appreciate it. This is just...
- For educational purposes. Yes, of course!
Oh, yes!
Yes, very well.
Now the pressure increases.
Yes! Just do not stop!
Forward! - Should I be...
Rule number two! Lord! Oh, yes!
Yes, you have talent.
Lord, I will...
Yes! Shit!
Over? - I Burn!
What have I done? - Chewing gum has?
Yes! I wanted to have fresh breath.
- To my vagina?
Sorry! I was nervous!
- I'm allergic mint!
Allergy? Sorry! Here's a bit of water.
Are you having your hair?
- No, I'm sorry.
Where is the bathroom? - Over there!
Are you all right? - Yes
Best right?
Thank you. - You are welcome.
Excuse me.
Hey! Are you crazy does not it?
- Sorry!
Come here!
What are you doing? Reshma wants
to call the police!
Something happened in the
bathroom, with Julia.
Rachel came looking.
- It is not. He's gone.
How screwed up everything?
- It's a long story.
Julia decided to get caught...
Why are we talking about?
You do not want to be with Rachel.
- Yes, I know.
We realized something.
You and Rachel have experienced
many storms together.
This is just another storm.
Honestly, it looks like a hurricane
but in February I was in New
Orleans and all is well.
It sounds so heartless...
- Wait! Stop almost!
By Julia experienced... - Just Julia!
Julia is not for you. You have
to return Rachel.
You can not go.
Obviously this is something Jordan.
Something I did not...
Tell me you feel the same and I will.
have to urinate.
Sorry. - It's nothing.
Julia pleasant - Dendak.
Sorry, Rach.
Too late. Out!
I have really wanted to fix things.
I would like...
love you, Rachel.
The things you said were cruel.
You do not love me.
never loved me!
This is a confirmation of the
first time I went to the cafeteria.
January 5, 1989
You asked mint cocoa.
I drank herbal tea.
"Dear Jordan, you make me smile.
Thanks for being my friend. "
put in my book, since her
parents divorced.
Do you remember?
I did laugh.
Remember in third grade when
I gave my bedroom,
having sex with an athlete with
a military jacket?
Why are you saved? - In the morning,
you wake up alone.
He cried in my arms for two days.
This is very strange.
Strange, sad, pathetic and perverse.
It's scary. Really scary.
And sweet.
While they were gone, had sex.
- Yeah, I thought, but no problem.
With so many people.
Final Review
Are you ready?
Go back to bed, lover! - God!
Wow, thank you! - Please!
Take raspberry. - I'll take it.
Just once.
Where'd you find it? When? How to...
le.. - Yes! We're getting married!
Engagement Party today. Throughout
the morning I was on the phone
and almost everyone will participate.
I love you! - Oh, God.
I love you! - I love you!
I want more... - The!
I want... - No, that's good!
All these years I have put in
your coffee contraceptives,
Played at rumors her sex change surgery
but still I had no idea that
this is the truth, Jordan.
Do you? Add the name of his wife,
adding "one" at the end.
I do not care if you're testicles gay,
bisexual or three. The work is the same.
Now you see me as a woman,
attract more than before.
Must be a bit confusing.
Not attract me.
See! - A beautiful ring!
How can you wait to eat that big
piece of pie? Call the manager!
Mother! - Come on. Faster!
What noise? I put safety pins.
You remember them, right? - And how!
Oh, no! Something to eat kiwi?
In No. Enough! Chill out!
This is just a little speech.
You'll be fine.
I can only say something good
about me. Right?
Listen up, people! It's time to talk.
Everyone knows me as impulsive
and careless girl. Right?
But this marriage is not as impulsive.
This is a wise decision.
Ladies and gentlemen, friends
and family. Friedrich Nietzsche said:
"The best friend will probably
the best wife
because a good marriage is based
on friendship talent. "
Rachel and I are best friends
for 12 years.
Perhaps Nietzsche was married
to his best friend.
Syphilis and also called crazy.
I'm drowning! It chokes me!
Everything you see on the national news
I became a victim of sexual
abuse by blogger transvestite.
Strangely, we're not talking
about that, right?
He was dehydrated. Having low
blood sugar. Bring crazy!
No, Mom! Now is the time to be honest.
Rachel never wanted to marry me.
It's confusing because yesterday
I did something
the upper left quadrant of the
clitoris, and it is along the edge.
In fact, received almost a year.
She always falls asleep to have sex.
Yes, it sounds crazy, but it
suffers from narcolepsy.
Rachel came to me in Toronto and
at first I thought it was romantic,
but then I realized I was alone
a little sad and insecure,
and I understand.
Sometimes this is done, and talked.
But the problem is they do not
put an early marriage
and I know that in reality it is not.
Rachel, sorry. Therefore, in conclusion...
Out. Thank you. Have a good night.
Enjoy the club.
Tell your grandparents that
I can not wait to meet him.
Sorry! - Cara? Backup?
Yes, I will leave my stuff here.
- Wait! What are you doing?
Will you marry me? - Yes, but...
plans changed.
And where are you going now?
- To remove club. Are you coming?
I can not! - Please, come with me!
I'm not one of them. I can not
go to a place
which is full of strippers,
music and flowing vodka.
You're not one? - Shit! Donkey is
I want to ask you something, okay?
- Yes, of course.
Having a relationship with someone
with whom you want to be
and I dedicate this sense completely.
How Do I?
How to do it without getting lost?
Are you stupid? - You are beautiful.
This is the sweetest thing...
- Shut up! Out!
Wait, I'll answer your question!
- What?
Strip Club call... - I will not.
"Dendak come to the strip club"
You're an idiot. - Let him come!
You're an idiot. 's Coming.
- Leave him alone!
Coming! You're an idiot! I will change.
Yes! Thanks, I need help.
Would be great.
He no longer works here.
I have a loan.
I like working here and leave
your stupid loan.
Why? Wait! Returned.
What happened to the club? - What?
What are you doing here? What
happened to the club?
Can we talk?
Sorry to leave you in the shower!
Just terribly frightened.
No, I have to go, because we
conclude our agreement.
Hey, wait a minute!
Do not touch, you idiot! - None.
Once I threw it in here, Spike.
I do not know how he got back.
Do not. - Get rid of it.
I do not want to see this idiot.
- Why is everyone calling me a fool?
I love making promiscuity.
Reshma, I am... prostitute.
I did things that are probably
illegal in most countries.
I'm a dirty, very dirty...
Also... dirty boy.
A month later
Hey, it's midnight!
They value the work?
I hope that my clients were.
No, I will be back. -
You go to the buffet?
Today, no ham. Drug is delicious!
Opening in a few weeks
but I could not wait to see it.
You stole my idea? - You played.
Whoever finds the his're - Things I!
You stole them?
No, Skeet stole. I stole it.
Su. Do what you want with them.
I think it looks great.
Well, how are you?
Linda. I'm better than ever.
I miss you. A lot.
Do not call, because I wanted
to leave the room
but every day I picked up the phone and
called the first six digits...
This is a mistake.
People need comfort, double
sofas and couches.
Sofas here.
Pasta should be bright. - Good idea.
Absolutely true.
The colors are warm colors. - Yes
Guys, quit the job. What color
is this, man?
What about the menu? - Well...
You may have to deal with it, because
I have not found a chef.
The place is yours if you want.
Just let me... I have a lot to...
You know, when you can...
You... something in you...
It's like...
You need to work on his speech.
- Yes, I know...
Silence. Thank you.
Are you nervous? - No.
Why should I be nervous?
You have a tendency to fall
asleep and women who fuck.
I had to say right now, not
when you go to bed naked?
Thank remember.
When ready, you can go.
I'm ready! Help me out here.
Inside me. Is it? - Yes!
He is good! - Yes, it's very
good. Really.
Wait! Stop! What are you doing?
- Nothing!
Will be empty! After about ten seconds!
That's not a compliment? - How Rachel
managed to fall asleep?
No. - How do you deal with that massage?
I will not comment on that now.
I'm fine! I'm fine!
I am calm. - Keep moving.
You can change the angle?
- Yes! He is good!
Right? - Yes!
This is not good! - Sorry.
What... - Prevent.
Breathe, breathe! - No, no, no!
My foot range!
Pinch your fingers, relax and breathe.
That's better.
Oh, no! Outside? - Yes
Sorry smooth is - yes, it happens.
Now is better! Oh, yes! - Oh, yes!
I'm in the best shape.
I could go on forever.
Over? - No! No! No!
More? - OK!
You are beautiful!