My Adventures with Santa (2019)

Christmastime, as we all know,
is, without a doubt,
the most wonderful time
of the year.
For many hundreds of years,
kids, parents,
grandmas and grandpas,
even pets wait
with bated breath
for Christmas morning to arrive
with all its magical splendor.
So many stories
about Santa's adventures
and his trusty elves
have been told
throughout the years,
but there's one tale
that has yet to be revealed.
Have we found a new head
for our stocking stuffer
Everyone already has a job,
so I'm not sure who.
We need more stocking stuffers.
What can we do?
Are you sure this gauge
is working correctly?
There is no problem with it.
It works just fine.
It's at an all-time low.
Even the elves are feeling it.
-More hot cocoa?
-Can't you see I'm busy?
Go away.
Well, then,
more hot cocoa and cookies.
-Double the order.
-I have.
I said, go away!
-Uh, triple the order.
-I have, Santa.
[elves] Tight-ee tights,
tight-ee tights,
tight-ee tights,
tight-ee tights,
tight-ee tights,
tight-ee tights!
-Tight-ee tights!
-Tight-ee tights,
tight-ee tights!
-Tight-ee tights!
-Tight-ee tights!
[stifled laughter]
Here you go.
I put an extra pinch of cocoa
and two cookies.
I know it's not a cheat day,
but I thought you could use it.
-I was--
-La Befana's coming
for the globe.
Oh, pish!
She comes every year
to steal the globe,
and just like every year,
the EAF will stop her.
Her power increases
as the Christmas spirit
If it gets any lower,
there'll be no stopping her.
Oh, boo-hoo.
Go cry about it, you big baby.
You knew someday
things would turn my way,
and this is my year.
I will finally get mine
and put an end to Christmas...
[chuckles] forever.
[laughs maniacally]
[laughter echoes]
It's our beautiful house, kids.
-[Sammy] Yay!
-[Jen] We're home!
[Josh] We're home.
Let's do this.
[Sammy] Can I help
get the tree down?
Can I help too?
You guys can both help.
The beginning
of a beautiful Christmas, kids.
There we go.
Dad, you all right?
-[Jen laughing]
Aces, buddy. Just aces.
[crickets chirping]
[Josh] Valerie, it's late.
We're waiting for you.
What do you mean?
Because I can barely hear you
over the music.
[Christmas carols
playing faintly]
No, you never told me anything
about a Christmas party.
Oh, a surprise, huh?
I'll tell you what, Val,
it's just not--
No, it's not fair.
Kids, I'll be right back.
-I guess we start without him.
-[door opens, closes]
-We should wait.
-You can.
"Jen, 2014,
first year playing soccer,
You wanna hang it or not?
[Josh] Well, you know
that we're decorating
the Christmas tree
tonight, right?
I still have
a lot of work to do here.
I have to retouch
a bunch of photos.
Honey, I know. I'm sorry.
But I have to make
this deadline.
Okay, Val. I'll see you soon.
[phone beeps]
-[music playing]
Oh, there she is!
Just the talented photographer
I was looking for.
[chuckles] I can't.
Of course you can.
[clears throat]
Big news.
We're gonna be shooting
P&J's entire spring catalog!
What? Really?
Can you believe it?
That's amazing!
Get your retouches done,
get it in on time,
and I promise, the next job,
six figures.
Thank you.
-[Sammy] Hey, Dad?
I'm sorry, bud. [sighs]
Your pop's been
a little bit wacky lately.
Josh, your mom and I
have been working long hours.
Wanna play catch?
Isn't it a little bit
past your bedtime?
Well, I guess.
All right.
-Hey, bud.
Remember those distributors
we met down at Comic-Con?
I sent them the game
and they seem
pretty interested.
-No way!
That's so great!
Fingers crossed?
Fingers crossed.
-I love you.
-Love you too.
Night, Dad.
-[car door opens]
-[Valerie] Hi, honey.
[Josh] Hey, Val.
It's almost midnight.
I know. I'm so sorry.
But I have some great news.
We were asked to shoot
P&J's spring catalog.
-With David and I.
And it's big money, Josh.
Big, huh?
Yeah, like six figures big,
and David, he's amazing
with the clients.
We got six weeks in Bermuda,
three weeks in Puerto Rico,
tropical theme.
I mean, can you believe it?
No, actually,
that's nine weeks.
Yeah, and then
we have, you know,
four weeks of prep, but...
Why are you looking
at me like that?
Are you kidding me, Val?
Thirteen weeks
is a long time to be away.
I mean,
you didn't even want a job.
The only reason you got one
is 'cause I lost mine.
You know they decorated the tree
all by themselves?
[Valerie] You know what?
That's not fair.
[Josh] Yeah, you're right.
It's not fair.
[crayon scratching]
[owl hooting]
[horn blaring]
Oh, dear.
[machinery whirring]
[soft buzzing]
[wind whistling]
[laughs] Well, these photos
are horrible.
No wonder everyone thinks
Santa isn't real.
[chuckles] Always hiding out
in the North Pole.
You know, what he needs
is a good publicist.
My sister has a friend
who has a friend
who dated a guy
in Los Angeles...
-...who has a friend
that's a publicist.
Can you introduce me?
They get to go
to the best parties.
Yes, with Santa
clearly on his way out,
I wanna make a big splash,
I want the whole world to know
that La Befana is taking over.
-La Befana!
What is it?
I'm monologuing.
You said to let you know
when Santa is up to no good.
He's up to no good.
So let's talk diversion.
What we do is be careful now.
To make sure...
Oh, I can't tell
what he's doing.
I need a spy.
Go get Franklin Mint.
Uh, you had him
locked in the basement
with the rest of us
'cause you couldn't
tell us apart.
Well, go get him out!
The jolly fat man
is obviously up to no good
and I don't like
the smell of it.
Well, it wasn't me.
Yo, who you playing with?
I'll slap you upside your head.
Okay, enough!
Go get Franklin Mint
out of the basement
and send him to the North Pole.
Look... Undercover.
I need to know what's going on
in that holly jolly noggin.
We wish you
A Merry Christmas
We wish you
A Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Good tidings we bring
Move it, try-hard.
[glass squeaking]
Hey! Cut it out, bro.
Or what, bro?
Or I'll let my sister
loose on you.
And trust me, you don't want
any part of that.
[scoffs] Oh, yeah?
What's a girl gonna do?
Touch her,
I'll break your arm off.
I know kung fu.
Whatever, newb.
Thanks, bro.
Yeah. I'm bored. Let's go.
We wish you
A Merry Christmas
[Sammy] Hey, kid,
you can get off that glass now.
And a Happy New Year
Good tidings we bring
-[static crackling]
-The globe is out.
The globe is out.
I can't hear you.
The globe is out.
It's not protected!
That jolly whoopee cushion
has lost his mind.
-Quick, get back here
right away.
Goon, bring me my magic dust.
Show me the snow globe.
There. There it is.
Bring it to me.
[Goon screams]
[Jen] I think Mom's really
gonna like what I got her.
[Sammy] Yeah, me too.
What's that place?
[Jen] Can we go in?
It's the Christmas caboose.
-Oh, cool.
-[chuckles] Cool.
[Sammy] That guy looks
like Santa Claus.
Whoa. This place is awesome.
It worked.
Wow, look at that!
Stay back.
[Jen] Looks so old.
I wouldn't.
Why not?
Whoa. Whoa.
I feel like I just drank
hot cocoa and ate cookies.
What? Let me try.
Whoa, chocolate chip cookies!
[wind whooshing]
Did you hear that?
I don't know. Whoa.
[clanking, whirring]
What does it say?
I don't get it.
"Take this snow globe,
but don't let anyone know.
Santa needs your help,
so be prepared
to meet the Christmas foe"?
That doesn't make any sense.
I think we should take it
like it says.
That'd be stealing.
It told us to.
[sighs] Fine.
But whatever you do,
hold on to that paper,
if anyone asks.
Put it in my backpack.
[wind whooshing]
Let's go.
[electricity crackling]
your butt needs a mint!
Oh, hey, chitlins.
Where you guys going?
-You better give me
that snow globe!
-[Franklin] It's mine!
-[Jen screams] Let go of me!
-Let go of me!
-No! No!
-[Sammy] Got him.
-[Goon] Get 'em,
get 'em, get 'em!
the most magical fruit.
Hey, get back here!
-Out of the way,
out of the way!
[elves grunting]
-[elves farting]
-[elves laughing]
I don't think
these are good elves.
-[man] Hey, guys, move it.
Jen, this way!
[Goon] Let's get those kiddos!
Go, go, go, go, go!
[chuckles] Try-hard!
Thank you for coming.
Oh, it was fun.
It's always good to see you.
Oh, hey, are you on schedule
to deliver?
Uh, no, actually, I'm not.
-Why is Kate here?
-Well, surprisingly enough,
she's looking for a job.
The number one photographer
in the business,
and she's knocking
on my photo studio door.
Hey, Valerie,
you're still my girl, okay?
I really need help
retouching these photos
or we are not gonna
make our deadline.
Sorry, no can do.
We overspent our budget
on the Christmas party.
Well, I was hoping
that you would actually
be able to help me.
Me? No, I don't do computers.
My family's having dinner
with my mom tonight.
I can't stay late.
She's giving the kids
their Christmas gifts.
Put it this way,
if you don't deliver on time,
the only gift
you'll get this Christmas
is unemployment.
[crickets chirping]
Sammy, Jen, are you here?
[low buzzing]
Hello? Kids, are you here?
[sighs] There you are.
I am so sorry
that I was late.
There was a snowslide,
and then my phone died
and I was stuck.
And then when I didn't see
you two at the ice rink,
I got so scared and I...
-[Jen] Just wait.
You'll see him.
-[Sammy] It's not real.
There! Did you see him?
Did you?
Kids? Hello?
-It has to be a hologram.
-He's real.
Uh, who's real?
A magic snow globe.
Ah. Magic snow globe, huh?
-Where'd you get it?
-[Sammy] This caboose
next to the rink.
It snows inside the caboose.
Oh, it snows
inside the caboose, huh?
We're not lying.
Take this.
It told us to take it.
"Take this snow globe,
but don't let anyone know.
Santa needs your help,
so be prepared
to meet the Christmas foe."
We were chased
by angry elves.
You were chased, huh?
Do you think they were real?
I mean, they looked pretty real.
But are Santa's elves
creepy like that?
No way. They had to be
some sort of mutant elves.
So mutant elves, huh?
Santa Claus--
Josh, why are you home?
You're in trouble!
Wish me luck.
Honey, we were supposed to be
at my mom's over two hours ago.
[Josh] I know.
There was a snowslide,
my phone died, and I was stuck.
What is that?
It's a snow globe.
No, I see that,
but why is it glowing?
-[Sammy] Yeah, it does that.
-[Valerie] Really?
Look, there's little people
inside too.
Oh, there's people? Aw!
Let me see
if I can see the people.
I don't see anyone in there.
Maybe if I tap on it,
I'll see the people.
Kids, take that thing back
to where you got it from
or you're both grounded.
Turn it off.
It's scaring your father!
[all screaming]
My teeth are tingling.
I can feel my hair.
That was awesome.
So awesome!
I feel...
I feel great.
-I know, right?
[bells jingling]
Somebody's coming.
That's, uh...
That's, uh...
-She's a--
I'm Bollowillow.
Welcome to the North Pole.
I must be dreaming.
[snorts, grunts]
Looks pretty real to me.
It can get quite cold here
at night.
We better get moving.
-I'm Jen.
[Valerie] You said North Pole.
Did you mean North Pole,
North Pole,
or did you mean
North Pole Playland
south of New Haven,
North Pole?
Mrs. Nolan, you're at
the North Pole proper.
[whispers] I was afraid
she was gonna say that.
-Yeah, me too.
I can assure you,
you're perfectly safe.
More to be explained
at the village. Come on.
Good enough for me.
Okay, uh...
All right, everybody hang on.
They've got a real big kick.
-[reins snapping]
[bells jingling]
Where is this place?
It's only moments now.
Look, over there now.
[door creaking]
I think you have
something for me.
-I do?
-Check your backpack.
How'd that get in there?
It's magic.
Hello, Nolans.
Oh, I'm so happy
you're here.
Now make yourselves at home,
have some hot cocoa and snacks.
Santa will be here
in a jiffy.
Uh, excuse me.
Did you just say Santa?
Oh, you can bet I did.
Santa as in Santa Claus?
Oh, yeah,
the one and only.
He's my husband, always late,
except on Christmas Eve.
He seems
to get that one right.
This is good.
But drink it slowly.
It's liable to make you gassy.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Whoo! Nolans!
Welcome! Welcome! Come here.
Bring it in for a group hug.
-[Santa laughing]
-[Mrs. Claus] Group hug!
-Now, Valerie, Joshua,
come on, bring it in.
-Come on.
Group hugs all around!
[Santa laughing]
[nervous chuckle]
Now that's what
I'm talking about.
A lot of love in that hug.
Mmm, you smell like, um...
Cinnamon Bears.
I make my own soap. [laughs]
I'm happy to give you a bar
if you'd like.
I have several flavors.
There's candy cane,
pumpkin spice, Tootsie Roll.
[Josh] Wait a minute.
They have Tootsie Roll soap?
Oh, yes, indeed.
In fact, it even looks
like a Tootsie Roll.
Santa mistook his reindeer poop
one day for a bar of soap
and he mashed--
And okay, Mrs. Claus.
[Santa and kids laughing]
Are you really
the real Santa?
Have a tug.
Now come with me!
I wanna show you more.
Come along, come along.
Hey, Josh, I can't get
any cell service.
Okay, okay, I get it.
Santa's real, I got it.
But this, I have no idea
where we're at,
what we're doing here.
All I know is I have a deadline
and I need to go home
and go to work.
You did not just say that.
Yeah, I did just say that.
I am so sorry,
because it seems that
we were just sucked
into a snow globe,
-and now--
-I don't care!
No, apparently,
we're going on a tour
of Santa Claus' house.
It's just a really odd time
to be talking about
one's career.
I really don't care about
a tour of Santa Claus' house.
I'm sorry.
You know what?
When I said I wanted
to go away for the holidays,
this isn't what I had in mind.
Now, surely you can stay
a little time.
You've only just got here.
I guess I can stay
for a couple hours.
[Santa] This way! This way!
Oh, come along, come along.
I want you to see!
This is my workshop.
[Jen] Wow!
Look at them go.
Man, I wish I was an elf.
Is that a Christmas wish?
No, human child is fine.
So, they do this
all year long?
364 days a year.
At this pace?
Oh, elves only know
one speed.
Oh, come now.
They take lots of breaks.
They work in shifts,
and they're having fun.
Come on, this way.
Hey, hey, who's the humans?
They're here to help
with La Befana.
Oh, come on.
The elves could take 'em on
anytime, anywhere.
You tell Santa we don't need
no help from humans.
Okay, Grumpy.
So it's your globe
we found.
It's been in my possession
since 336 AD.
The year
that Christmas began.
It was bestowed upon me
by Saint Nicholas.
Wait a minute.
I thought you
were Saint Nick.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
No, time has managed
to confuse us
as the same person.
But Saint Nicholas
wanted a holiday
in which everyone
took care of one another.
A day not to think of yourself,
but of those around you.
So he took pixie dust
and an old globe
and created a gateway between
the North Pole and the Earth.
It allows me to pass through
so I can deliver toys
to all the good boys and girls.
That snow globe
is the greatest source
of Christmas spirit.
Then why is it locked up?
That is a tragic story.
When I first arrived
at the North Pole,
I discovered that
it was inhabited by elves.
They were surly little people
with bad tempers,
ruled by a queen
named La Befana.
[static hums]
[elf] Lunchtime!
[Santa] All they ate
was cold soup made from seaweed
for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
They'd never tried sweets,
let alone chocolate.
So, naturally,
I gave them chocolate.
That's delish!
Give me some more, now!
[grunting] Now!
-One more, one more!
-More! More!
[Santa] They loved it.
So I offered to make them
all the sugary sweets
they could eat
in exchange for their services
as toy makers,
-and they merrily agreed.
-[upbeat music]
We built a new workshop
and quarters for the elves
with central heat.
I couldn't have been happier.
The elves embraced Christmas
with all their tiny
little hearts...
and we had many happy years
working together.
La Befana had a tough time
adjusting to all the changes,
and to make matters worse,
she never found a job.
La Befana never found a job
she was good at,
and that made her jealous
of the other elves.
None of this
is holly jolly or fun.
Well, maybe
if you played along,
you know,
pretend having fun,
but not really.
[machinery clanking]
"Play along."
[Santa] La Befana set out
to build a single toy
that all boys and girls
would love.
She worked all day
and all night
for an entire month,
not sleeping a wink
until the day came that...
I've done it!
[laughs maniacally]
I have created a toy
that all the boys and girls
are going to love.
And we can create
enough of them for everyone
in half the time,
giving us a break from work.
-But we like to work.
-[Brumwillow] Yeah.
Sort of. I guess.
What do we do
if we are not working?
Well, you can work on
something besides toys.
Like what?
Plum pudding. I don't know.
That's not the point.
Here. Merry Christmas.
Oh! Well, thank you.
-[Bollowillow] What is it?
[chuckles] It's...
It's a Thingy-ma-bob.
And what's it do?
-It's a game.
-What are the rules?
I don't know.
I haven't gotten there yet,
but it's going to be fun!
That I promise.
-May I see it?
[stammers] No, that...
[grunts, gasps]
This is dangerous!
Well, you have fat fingers.
-This could hurt a child.
[scoffs] As if you know.
This toy is a reject.
La Befana, enough!
[wind whooshing]
You're gonna let her
talk to me like that?
Well, I can't deliver a toy
that's not functional.
Just give it to the brats
and let them figure it out.
[elves gasping]
What happened
to your Christmas spirit?
Well, she took it.
And he took it,
and her, and him!
And you!
This was my kingdom,
and if my toy isn't good enough,
well, then no toy
is good enough!
-[thunder rumbling]
-[wind whooshing]
Did she die?
Oh, no.
The snow globe banished her
to a secret location.
So, every year, La Befana
tried to steal the globe
and every year,
the Elf Action League
stopped her,
but they were spending
more and more time stopping her
and not enough time making toys.
And the world
is such a big place,
and the demand for toys
is [laughs] inconceivable.
So I was forced to create
a magical box
to save the snow globe
from La Befana's magic,
and only on Christmas Eve
do I take it out.
However, there's been
an unexpected side effect.
Christmas spirit
has never been lower.
My guess is that the globe
is not only a doorway
between worlds,
but the prime source
of Christmas spirit.
And with it locked up
and unable to freely
spread its magic...
I don't know how much longer
Christmas can exist.
Can we help?
Yes, Sammy.
-I believe you can.
Well, deep inside
La Befana's heart
is still
the Christmas spirit.
I need a family
like yours
to remind her
what Christmas is all about:
giving a very special gift
to those who are dear to you.
[La Befana]
Christmas spirit? In me?
[laughs incredulously]
I think that jolly red
pincushion has gone mad.
So that's your little game,
You brought them here
to defeat me.
Well, good luck with that.
Wait, strike that!
I do not wish them luck,
because they will fail.
Would you two
please stop slurping?
[burps] Sorry.
[laughs] Whoa! That was epic!
You two had the snow globe
right there in your hand
and you failed miserably!
I'm certain those Nolans
pose no threat.
[scoffs] I mean, yes,
that boy is sweet
and the girl does have
a little gumption,
but the parents,
they are Santa's weakness.
I will use them to get my globe.
And then, I will deliver
the world one gift,
the same gift for everyone.
[exaggeratedly loud burp]
Breath mint.
[Jen] Candy, have some candy!
I know your game.
What game?
You're trying to take
my job from me.
You should wash your hands.
-Drink it slowly.
You might get ga...ssy.
I'm watching you.
Merry Christmas.
[Bollowillow] Jen!
You're the only human
that I can honestly say
has as much spirit as an elf.
My parents call it gusto.
That's gonna come in handy
when fighting La Befana.
She sounds scary.
She is.
Don't mind him.
He's the leader of the EAF
and takes great pride
in defeating La Befana
every year.
She's a bully,
and like all bullies,
you just have to stand up
for what's right
and eventually, they crumble.
What if you're scared?
Run away and go home.
Listen, if you're scared,
just close your eyes
and remember that
you can overcome anything.
It's what real elves do.
Excuse me.
Do you have a phone?
Oh, no, we banned phones
years ago.
You what?
We write letters.
I am so fired.
Don't worry, Mom.
You can help me serve hot cocoa.
[wind whooshing]
And this is my garage.
-Whoa, look at the sleigh.
Don't touch, don't touch!
Off limits, little child boy.
I just calibrated
the dyno centrifuge.
Brumwillow, this is Sammy
and Josh Nolan,
here to help me
with La Befana this year.
Oh, how nice to meet you.
Time is short.
I need to get back to work.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is that an I-11 chipset?
I didn't even know
that they were developed yet.
Who did you think
developed the prototype?
No, come on!
Too kind, really.
It's a hobby. Helps me sleep.
Designing chipsets
helps you sleep at night?
[Santa chuckles]
Oh, no, not an ACME GPS.
What-- What--
That's a top-of-the-line model.
-And notorious for glitches.
-[Josh] Mmm.
And when you update it,
it gets even worse.
Yeah, my dad had one.
Nothing but bugs, huh, Dad?
Yeah, that's right,
genius son of mine.
When was the last time
you updated it?
Two hours ago.
-See? Buggy.
[wind whooshing]
[La Befana] Valerie!
[water dripping]
What are you gonna do
with that brush?
Clean me?
Uh... Well, no.
I just wanted to welcome you
to the neighborhood.
I'm La Befana.
I know you.
You're the Queen of the Elves.
I knew we would get along.
So, there's rumblings that
Santa is holding you hostage.
Well, no,
it's not like that.
Don't play coy with me.
We're both working girls.
Very busy,
no time for dilly-dallying.
Men! [scoffs]
They just don't understand
our needs.
So, I hate to be
the bearer of bad news,
but you might wanna see this.
Hello, Valerie. It's David.
P&J want to see your selects
by 9:00 a.m.,
and you're not here!
If you lose this client,
you are fired!
Call me.
Oh, well,
that looked very important.
It is.
Well, there's only one way
to get back home.
You have to go out
the way you came in.
The snow globe?
Let me guess. You want me
to bring you the globe
and then you'll send me back.
Oh, what a splendid idea.
I love it.
Nice try. I know your plan
to end Christmas.
Oh, I am so over that.
Please, I just wanna help
another compatriot in distress.
I don't believe you.
Well, then option number two:
I make you help me.
Goon, how much fairy dust
did I just give her?
[Goon] Uh, a tablespoon?
Ugh! I said a teaspoon,
you idiot!
A teaspoon.
-That's the small one.
-[Goon burps] Sorry.
Now she's gonna be sleeping
all night long.
Good help is so hard to find.
Well, sleep tight, dearie,
'cause when you wake,
you'll help bring me
my snow globe.
Like it or not.
[laughs softly]
[wind whooshing]
Mom! Dad!
Huh? Oh! Oh!
-Ow! Ow!
Oh, man! [grunts]
Oh! Oh!
Sammy, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's breakfast time.
I feel like a ton of bricks
just hit my head.
Josh, I had the craziest dream.
Well, if it's anything like
we're in the North Pole
with Santa Claus,
news flash, it's not a dream.
Oh, look.
He pressed our clothes.
Smells like pine needles.
[groans] I'm so full,
I might actually explode.
That'd be awesome.
-Sammy, not at the table.
I can't wait to find out
what's for dinner.
I am so sorry,
but this is our last meal
at the North Pole.
Mommy has a job
that I have to get back to
and if I don't,
I'm gonna lose it, so...
But who's gonna help Santa
defeat La Befana?
Yeah, he needs our help.
How can you just leave?
Kids, as much as I disagree
with your mother,
it's time to support her.
Well, thank you,
[distorted] Jo-oh-oh-oh-osh.
Is this thing on?
Hello, is this thing working?
Mom snapped.
Pedal faster, you fool.
Pedal faster!
Come on, pedal faster!
If I go faster,
I might explode!
-[La Befana] Keep going!
-[clanking, whirring]
Come on!
Pedal faster!
[distorted] Pedal faster,
you fool! Pedal faster!
[bell dings]
It's working!
It's working, look!
Uh, Val, seriously...
What's going on with you?
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm...
I'm okay.
I am so okay.
You know what?
We really should help
the jolly fat man.
I mean, Santa.
Right. Yeah.
And what about
the old, uh, J-O-B?
So we're not going home?
No, honey.
We may never see home again.
I'm so bad, it's good.
[machinery whirring]
-[alarm blaring]
-[automated voice]
Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad.
Merry Christmas.
Feliz Navidad.
Feliz Navidad.
Merry Christmas.
Feliz Navidad.
Merry Christmas.
There's a major malfunction!
Feliz Navidad.
Merry Christmas.
Feliz Navidad.
-Are we there yet?
-Yeah, how much further?
[machinery whirring]
Pedal faster
or I'll turn you both
into toads. Pedal!
Feliz Navidad.
Merry Christmas.
[horn blaring]
[in normal voice] I'm back.
From where?
Why don't you join the kids
and help them clean up?
[clanks, beeps]
[machinery whirring]
[laughing maniacally]
[whirring, beeping]
There it is. There it is.
So close.
So close.
It's mine.
Pakse, Laos, Nairobi, Kenya,
and Troncones, Mexico.
Quebec City, oh, Canada.
could you please slow down?
I mean, this computer
keeps glitching
with a location
that's not even on the map.
It could be my fault.
I loaded in
all the Christmas deliveries
before the updates.
Mmm. You have a backup?
Yes. I'll check.
Oh, Santa.
Little magic, this might work.
I appreciate your helping me.
Oh, well,
computers is what I do.
It's the only thing I'm good at.
And what about your family?
[laughs] What?
You're asking me
if I'm good with my family?
And I'm telling you...
Oh, come on.
I mean, I love my kids
more than anything
that words could even describe.
And Valerie?
[door opens]
Val? Of course I love Val.
The globe is missing,
and so is Valerie.
-Oh, dear.
[wind whooshing]
[laughing maniacally]
Just a little Christmas spirit
was all you needed to defeat me.
How pathetic.
You're so concerned about
your precious little job,
you forgot about the things
that really matter.
Do you wanna see what David
really thinks about you?
Her lighting
is so drab and flat.
I'm surprised
P&J bought this garbage.
My gosh, you are so right.
I nearly lost a client
for this.
I want you to shoot
the next P&J catalog.
[Kate] What about Valerie?
What about Valerie?
She's yesterday's news.
And to make matters worse,
you're gonna
go down in history
as the woman who brought
Christmas to an end.
[laughs maniacally]
Now, give me my globe.
Give it to me.
[electricity crackling]
[thunder rumbling]
Give it to me!
[both grunting]
It... is... mine!
[Josh] Valerie, where are you?
-[elf 1] Valerie, where are you?
-[elf 2] Valerie, where are you?
-[Josh] Val, where are you?
-[elf] Where are you?
-[Josh] Val!
-[elf 1] She's over here.
-[elf 2] Oh, she's over here.
-[Josh] Valerie!
[wind whooshing]
[upbeat music]
Hey, ho, ho, ho, ho
Hey, ho, ho, ho, ho
Hey, ho, ho, ho, ho
Hey, ho, ho, ho, ho
The globe is mine!
[all cheering]
Oh, my execution was flawless.
Oh, sweet globe!
I have waited for you
for 700 years,
and now I get my revenge,
which will be not so sweet.
And Santa will be banished
and the North Pole
will be mine once again!
-[all cheering]
-[laughing maniacally]
-What happened?
You got hacked.
I remember breakfast, but...
Oh, it's so foggy right now.
Oh, I remember
David telling Kate
that he was gonna fire me.
But who cares about your job?
Yeah, you destroyed
Hey, kids.
So many other factors
came to make this day come,
and none of them had anything
to do with you four.
Well, uh, yes.
No, it's her fault.
All she cares about
is her stupid job
and so she gave up the globe
and destroyed Christmas.
And we can hear you guys fight,
and you guys not getting along
makes me sad.
And now, I don't think
I'll ever be happy again.
Go away.
I'm not talking with you.
Oh, honey, I know you're sad.
It's okay.
You don't have to hide it.
But I feel like
if I don't hide it,
then everyone in our family
will be sad.
We're not all sad.
All you do is fight.
I know. I'm so sorry.
Your dad and I,
we've been unhappy,
but that doesn't mean
we don't love each other.
-Is it us?
Oh, baby,
no, of course not.
I love you guys so much.
It's me.
I let my anger
and my jealousy
get in the way
of your mother's success.
-Josh, please.
-[Josh] No, no.
Being laid off
was one of the hardest things
that I've ever been through,
and I was so concerned
with providing for my family,
I didn't realize that
I was taking it out on you.
We're the Nolans,
and your mother,
she stepped up
when we needed it the most.
And, Val,
I am so grateful to you.
So if I need to be
a stay-at-home dad
for a little while...
and take
an obnoxiously boring job
from Mark,
then so be it, because...
Val, I just love you.
I love you too.
[all applauding]
Kids, come give us a hug.
Now, I am not gonna
go down in history
as the mom who ended Christmas.
-We are gonna be the family
that saved Christmas.
-That's right!
Yeah! [laughs]
Okay, so now, how do we get
the snow globe back?
Well, whatever you do,
you have until midnight
on Christmas Eve.
Once the bells ring 12:00,
La Befana controls
the snow globe
and banishes Santa Claus
from the North Pole forever.
Okay, so where's
La Befana's hideout?
I can address that.
I'm Grumpy,
leader of the EAF,
Elf Action Force,
and I've looked numerous times
for her hideout
and I've not been able
to find it.
Tracking dogs.
How are we supposed
to get tracking dogs
if we can't even get home?
Oh, yeah.
You know, when I was
working on the GPS,
there was a pin drop
just west of here.
I thought it was a glitch,
but it never went away.
Uh, Brumwillow,
what exactly is a pin drop?
A delivery location compiled
from Santa's good list.
A delivery.
So what if it was a delivery
to someone
at La Befana's hideout?
It's possible, but...
that means that one of them
is on the good list!
Ain't no way those surly elves
are on Santa's good list.
Oh, Santa, I'm so sorry
they took your snow globe.
I couldn't stop her.
I'm a colossal failure
and now the whole world
is going to know.
You disappoint me, old man!
Never fear, Goon is here!
And here's your snow globe,
Mrs. Claus.
With my big muscles,
I have saved the day.
-Now let's finish this
with a kiss.
La Befana needs you--
Are you playing with dolls?
Uh... Yeah.
-I love dolls!
-Okay! Here you go.
Here's some.
Okay, so, what do we know?
We know that La Befana's hideout
is somewhere in the North Pole.
Right, so, what we need to do
is we need to open
the GPS map
and check out where
all the pin drops are.
So the next
clear course of action
would be to-- Sammy?
-No, that's not it, Sammy.
Because if we're really
using our noggins
and our deductive reasoning,
what we need to do is-- Sammy?
-Exactly, genius son of mine.
We need to cross-reference
a real map of the North Pole
with the GPS map.
-[Sammy] Exactly.
-I've never seen a map.
I have!
Long before Santa came,
there was an elf
who mapped
the entire North Pole.
No way.
[Bollowillow] Grumpy, please,
we need the map.
I don't have it.
Well, who does?
That's gonna cost ya.
Anything for you, big guy.
Okay, okay, bring it in.
I had an old chest.
The map was in the chest.
The chest is gone.
Can't find it. It's lost.
Well, no better off
than we were to begin with.
Hey, human,
you don't know what it's like.
Hot cocoa all the time,
it gets in your head, man.
Well, have you tried
the lost-and-found?
The what?
Yeah, that's where I go
at school
when I lose something.
Is that your lost-and-found?
[Grumpy] Step back.
Oh, gumdrops!
-[Grumpy grunting]
-Candy cane.
-[elephant trumpeting]
[glass shattering]
Heads up. Heads up.
-Are you okay?
-[Grumpy grunts]
Yeah, no thanks to you.
-I'm going in.
-No, no, you're not.
Do you need any help
in there?
[metallic creaking]
[Josh] Give it to me, Sammy.
That's it.
Here goes nothing.
[computer beeping]
La Befana's hideout.
Okay, let's go satellite mode.
She's a crafty little elf.
What's that blue thing
over it?
An enchantment.
It's impossible to get in.
You'd have to disable
her security system
and to do that,
you'll have to gain access
to the computers
from the inside.
Not impossible. I have a plan.
Josh, zoom in to right there.
-[taps keyboard]
Ooh, that is very small.
-[Josh] Mmm.
-So we send in an elf.
Exactly. I'll assemble a team.
Hold on. That's not gonna work.
She knows all of us.
The moment that she spots
the EAF,
she's gonna poof out of there
with the globe
and then all is lost.
We need a surprise attack.
So, someone will snatch
the globe, and...
Poof, the EAF swoops in
for the rescue.
But who's small enough
to fit down the chimney?
I can go.
I always wanted to be an elf,
so why not just make me one?
I'll go in undercover.
[Josh and Valerie] Uh-uh!
Why not? Please?
Bollowillow says
if I put my mind to it,
I can do anything.
Well, rum-pum-pum-pum,
she's our only hope.
[Mrs. Claus]
All right, group hug!
-[all] Go Nolans!
Okay, Dancer, it's time to go.
-[bells jingling]
We're gonna need all the help
we can get today, boy.
You ready?
Uh, sure.
All right, let's go.
Christmas time
Is here again
Christmas time
Is here again
Nonstop with some magic
I managed to tap
into her system.
Is here again
Is here again
Oh, yes! Yahoo!
Is here again
It's an old system,
but it does have a firewall
and the firewall is...
-[Sammy] Oh, no way!
"Invaders from Galaxy D"?
Oh, you know,
I can beat it, Dad.
This is above
my pay grade, bud.
Once we get
that direct link,
it's gonna be
your time to shine.
[wind whistling]
I'm sorry there isn't
more room in the sleigh.
Uh, just bring that globe back.
And please
bring the kids back
safe and sound.
We're gonna be fine, guys.
Be careful, okay?
-We love you.
-We love you.
Oh, come on.
Mom, Dad, we're gonna be fine.
I promise, they're gonna be
perfectly safe.
-All set?
Here we go!
-[reins snap]
-Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
[bells jingling]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are those things?
It's a candy cannon.
Turns a surly elf
into a happy elf.
A surly elf?
La Befana has
an army of surly elves
that do her bidding.
What? We just sent our kids
into an army of surly elves?
You didn't tell us that.
What else didn't you tell us,
that the elves eat children?
Oh, no, don't worry.
They eat cold soup.
Let's go.
-We're going.
[candy cannon cocks]
Okay, let's kick some tuchus.
[static crackling]
-[music playing]
-Hello, world.
I am La Befana, the Elf Queen.
As you undoubtedly know,
maybe by the lack of presents
underneath your tree,
Christmas has been canceled
due to a change in management.
Santa smells like old farts
and he's been fired.
So from now
until the end of time,
I'm in charge,
and there will be a new holiday
on December 25th:
It's a celebration
dedicated to me,
and all of you
greedy little brats
will receive one present
from me
and you will like it.
Coal is still
very much an option
and the naughty and nice list
is out
because I despise
all children equally.
Thank you very much,
and merry Befanaday.
[music plays]
-And cut.
-[bell ringing]
[man on speaker]
Okay, everybody, on standby.
Nice cut.
[La Befana] So?
Well, how great was that?
I mean, really,
I just knocked it
right out of the ice castle.
Um, yeah, honestly,
we all agree that was not good.
We need to try that again.
Well, I thought that was
absolutely marvelous.
You kind of sucked eggs.
We envisioned your image
as a loving mother goose
swaddling her goslings
for Befanaday.
Does anyone else think
I need another take?
[all] No.
Very good. Well, then moving on.
[announcer] Here she is!
[crowd cheering]
The queen
you've all been waiting for:
La Befana!
[music playing]
Hello, my puppets!
Yes. Ah!
And now, our very special guest
of the evening, Snow Globe.
-[crowd oohing]
-Take a bow, my friend.
And now,
we have very little time
to make sure
that we fill our order
of Thingy-ma-bobs,
so that all the good
little boys and girls,
and some of the bad ones,
get their Thingy-ma-bob
for La Befanaday.
[crowd cheering]
-Get to work.
-[whistle tooting]
[machinery clanking]
And where have you two been?
We were standing guard
in case Santa tries anything.
Oh, he's at home
crying like a little baby
because I won, he lost,
game over, boo-hoo.
[both mocking]
But just in case, keep guard.
[wind whooshing]
All right, so put this
next to her computer system.
Then I'll use
Dad's coding software
to hack into the firewall
and play the game.
Simple, really.
Easy for you to say.
-You're not invading
a den of angry elves.
Uh, surly elves
are not angry per se...
Well, that's about it.
All right. Good luck, kiddo.
Don't let the world down.
No pressure.
-On three.
One, two...
[both] And she's gone.
Hey, what's your haps?
The workshop's this way.
[softly] You got this.
Uh, I know where
the workshop is, uh, yo.
Just takin' a break
to clear my head.
Who are you?
Elves don't take breaks.
Did I say break?
I meant breakdance.
[upbeat music]
Yo, that was hype.
You haven't seen the half of it.
[upbeat music plays in reverse]
Dang, girl, that was righteous!
Sure thing, Homie G.
Yeah, but this isn't
Dancing with the Elves,
so get back to work!
Don't gotta tell me twice.
[machinery clanking]
What are these things?
We're not supposed
to rap at the tables
or B-dub dunks us in the toilet.
Sick! Who's B-dub?
La Befana. You heard of her?
Now, come on, home slice,
we've only been calling her that
for about 700 years.
Oh, yeah, B-dub, right.
I thought you said "D."
Ho, ho, ho.
I'm watching you.
[fingers drumming]
What? I'm nervous.
[fingers drumming]
Come on, Jen. Come on, Jen.
Oh, please do hurry, Jen.
I gotta go
to the little girls'--
I mean, the elves' room.
Oh! Oh! Thank you.
-Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Now, we only have 20 minutes
till sweet, sweet revenge
is mine.
So all of you
have to work really hard
to make sure that all those kids
get their one and only
La Befanaday present.
And we wouldn't want anyone
to be sad, now, would we?
Of course we would.
Excuse me.
[computer] All systems ready.
What did you do?
[dramatic music]
[Sammy gasps]
-She did it.
-She did it!
-Oh! [chuckles]
-I'm in!
What is this?
This is all wrong!
[Santa] Ooh, here they come.
Here we go.
-Oh, great.
That's all right.
We've got two lives left.
You don't even need
both of them.
-You got two left. It's okay.
-Two left, two left.
I gave you all
very clear instructions,
and look at this.
A defect.
No child is ever gonna
want to work with this.
Sure they would.
You just have to know
how to use it.
Let me show you.
[elves] Ooh!
-[game ends]
Santa, I have one life left.
You can do it, Sammy.
You just have to
believe in yourself.
-[sighs] Okay.
-[presses key]
-Right. You can do it.
-[game zapping]
It's fun to see
how fast it can go.
How did you know
how to do that?
It was simple. Whoever came up
with this toy is pretty cool.
I mean, it's so fun.
No one has ever called me cool.
[elves] Ooh!
It's too close, Santa.
[elves] Ooh!
Oh, you're almost there, Sammy.
You're almost there.
Zig! Zig!
[victorious tone]
[computer] You win!
-Oh, I won!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
-[computer] Overload!
[alarm blaring]
Warning! Overload!
-Look, the enchantment's down.
Who are you?
I am Jen Nolan, and my family
just saved Christmas.
-[computer] Warning! Overload!
-Oh! Ow! Oh!
Go get 'em, guys!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Santa, can I go too?
Sure, why not?
-Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I'm coming for you, La Befana.
-Oh, wish me luck.
-Good luck, Sammy.
Oh, wait for me.
-[alarm blaring]
-[computer] Warning! Overload!
[elves yelling]
[computer] Warning! Overload!
-[candy cannon firing]
[candy cannon firing]
[elves laughing]
[computer] Warning! Overload!
Hey! If anyone's gonna give
the snow globe back to Santa,
I want to.
Dad! Go deep!
[in slow-motion] Use both hands!
[in slow-motion] I know!
You fart sniffer!
Hey, Goon.
Sniff this.
You got wrecked, boy!
[blows raspberry]
[La Befana laughing]
Who shot her?
Did you?
I didn't. Did you?
Not me. You?
-I will.
-No, stop.
La Befana?
It works,
and it makes you happy.
Try it. You've gotta try it.
-Put it on your finger
like this...
-Mm-hmm. put your thumb
like that...
...and spin.
[both gasp]
[Santa] Oh, that is fun.
-Oh, that's very fun.
[both laughing]
This isn't a reject.
It's marvelous!
How did you figure it out?
It took a child
to figure it out.
Jen Nolan.
Well, La Befana,
neither this, nor you,
are a reject.
As a matter of fact,
that stocking stuffer
we needed?
-Yes, Santa.
-[Santa] Well, we have it!
The Thingy-ma-bob!
Get everyone to work.
-We don't have a moment to lose.
-But, Santa--
Oh, no buts, no futz,
no coconuts.
Just make it happen.
-La Befana?
When I first came
to the North Pole,
everyone found a place
in the village but you,
I didn't pay enough attention
to help you out.
So for that, I want to say...
that I'm sorry.
And I want to offer you a job
as lead stocking stuffer
-I have a job?
I have a job?
[chuckles] Mm-hmm.
I have a job!
[both laugh]
Well, thank you very much.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a job!
I have a job
A job
Well, I feel like
we need a group hug.
-Group hug!
-Group hug!
[both laughing]
Oh, my God, this is good.
Oh, you smell like
Cinnamon Bears.
[all laughing]
Oh, this is good.
This is good!
[laughter echoes]
Oh, dear! That means
it's time for you to go.
Do we have to?
Oh, yes. If you don't leave now,
you'll be trapped here forever.
Contrary to popular belief,
Santa is not always right,
but he certainly was
with you guys.
Oh, I will miss you.
I have to thank you,
big guy,
for helping me realize
what's really important.
We owe you so much, Santa.
Oh, Valerie, here's the joy
of being Santa Claus.
I never ask for anything
in return.
Hey, you read my letter,
didn't you?
Sammy, in all my years
of being Santa Claus,
that Christmas list...
is the most important one
I've ever gotten.
Now, family will change form
as you go through life...
but families are forever.
And that's the best gift
for Christmas
I could ever give you.
-[patting back]
[La Befana] Goodbye, Nolans.
I probably won't miss you.
Oh, well, that's a lie.
I... I miss you already.
-[Santa laughs]
-[all chuckle]
Oh, oh,
there's only three bells left.
Hurry! Hurry!
Hands on. Everybody touch.
Now, one, two...
-[wind whooshing]
-[all] Whoa!
[birds chirping]
-Wake up! It's Christmas!
Wake up!
Whoa! Jen,
I had the most amazing dream.
It wasn't a dream, silly.
We met Santa.
Now come on, it's Christmas.
Come on, come on!
It's Christmas! Come on!
It's Christmas!
[both] Merry Christmas!
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.
-Check it out.
-[doorbell rings]
-Who's here?
[record scratches]
It's David.
Hey, Val!
Where have you been?
I've been freaking out.
I mean, I've not slept.
I've had more coffee
than an elephant should drink.
I mean, look, look at it.
It's all over me.
I keep doing that.
What's wrong with...
Look, listen,
I need your help, okay?
P&J wanna drop the account.
Well, call Kate.
I'm yesterday's news.
Huh... What?
You heard that?
No, no, no, no.
Listen, I'm so sorry.
Kate took a directing job
up north.
I can't even get a hold of her.
She won't return my calls.
Please, you're my only hope.
David, it is Christmas.
Who cares about Christmas?
It's just another day.
Please. Look, Val,
if you don't do this,
I am gonna-- [grunts]
Look, Val,
if you don't help me,
you'll never work
in this town again.
I promise.
Merry Christmas!
The house! Hey, okay,
you have a kitchen!
Hey, please, I need your help.
Come on. Hey!
[Valerie and Sammy sigh]
Glad he's gone!
[doorbell rings]
Merry Christmas.
What is it?
[laughs] Try-hard.
I think it's my severance check.
Well, open it.
Val, I can't.
Will you, please?
-Come on, kids.
What do you think?
[Sammy] I don't know.
I was about to organize--
-[Josh] Hmm?
This isn't your severance check.
Then what is it?
It's an offer
to buy your video game.
"Due to a spike
in Christmas sales,
we would like to purchase
the worldwide rights
to Rainbow Unicorn Zombies
-I know!
-Merry Christmas! [laughs]
-Merry Christmas!
Group hug, kids! Come here!
-Merry Christmas!
Mom, Dad, can we go
open presents now?
-Yes, go open your gifts.
-Of course.
It's been
a very special Christmas.
It's a very special
I love you.
I love you too.
Come on.
[Mrs. Claus] And that's how
the Nolan family
saved Christmas.
La Befana found Christmas spirit
and all the surly elves
have been returned
to happy elves.
That is, except for one.
I hate this stinking little,
goody two-shoe little Christmas!
[maniacal laughter]
[laughter echoing]
But I'll save that tale
for another time.
Merry Christmas.
So, the reason I have
called you all here today is
because I have come up
with a new stocking stuffer.
Who is that? Madonna?
Oh, no.
No, that's moi!
Well, does it spin?
But if you push the button...
I'm so bad, it's good.
[elves chattering excitedly]
Do you have any input?
I think it's rather pleasant,
but the hair fibers
are all wrong.
Perhaps we should contact
a mate I have in China.
His doll hair is supreme.
Otherwise, I rather like it.
Yes, yes. [laughs]
[all laughing]
Oh, it's too much.
I've got to work on that.
Santa, now that Christmas
is saved,
I was wondering if I can take
the sleigh for a spin.
Ho, ho, hold on.
If I give you the sleigh,
then everybody's
gonna want the sleigh,
and we don't have that in--
Dude, Franklin Mint,
La Befana...
Y'all playing with dolls?
Uh, yeah?
I like dolls.
Oh, okay!
You can have the fat guy.
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Oh, bring us
A figgy pudding
Oh, bring us
A figgy pudding
Oh, bring us
A figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer
We won't go
Until we get some
We won't go
Until we get some
We won't go
Until we get some
So bring some out here
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Oh, bring us
A figgy pudding
Oh, bring us
A figgy pudding
Oh, bring us
A figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
We wish you
A merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Deck the halls
With boughs of holly
'Tis the season
To be jolly
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa-la-la, la-la-la
Troll the ancient
Yuletide carol
See the blazing yule
Before us
Strike the harp
And join the chorus...