Do you think I look like I'm from
Sacramento?
You are from Sacramento.
You don't have to do that.
Well it's nice to make things neat
and clean.
- You ready to go home?
- Ready.
Her hand moved behind his head and
supported it.
Her fingers moved
gently in his hair.
She looked up
and across the barn.
And her lips came together.
And smiled mysteriously.
You have been
listening to The Grapes of Wrath
by John Steinbeck.
If you...
Our college trip took
21 hours and 5 minutes.
Hey, why don't we, let's just
sit with what we heard?
Are you serious?
We be don't have to constantly
be entertaining ourselves, do we?
I wish I could live through
something.
Aren't you?
The only exciting thing about
2002 is that it's a palindrome.
Okay fine, yours is the worst
life of all, you win.
Oh so now you're mad?
Because I wanted to listen to music?
It's just that you're being
ridiculous, because you have a great life.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
No one is asking you to be perfect!
Just considerate would do.
I don't even want to go to school
on this state anyway.
I hate California. I want
to go to the East Coast.
Your Dad and I will barely be able
to afford in-state tuition.
- There are loans, scholarships!
- Your brother, your very smart brother...
He can't even find a job.
He and Shelley work.
They have jobs.
They bag at the grocery store.
That is not a career and they went
to BERKELEY.
Your father's company is laying
people off right and left.
Did you even know that?
No of course you don't because...
you don't think about anybody but yourself.
An Immaculate Heart is already a luxury.
Immaculate FART. You wanted that,
not me!
Miguel saw someone knifed in front of him
at Sac High,
Is that what you want?
You're telling me that
you want to see somebody knifed
- right in front of you?
- He barely saw that.
I want to go where the
culture is, like New York.
- How in the world did I raise such a snob?
- Or at least Connecticut or New Hampshire.
Where writers live in the woods.
You couldn't get into
those schools anyway.
Mom!
You can't even pass your driver's test.
Because you wouldn't let me
practice enough!
The way that you work,
or the way that you don't work,
you're not even worth state
tuition, Christine.
My name is "Lady Bird".
Well actually, it's not, and
it's ridiculous.
Call me Lady Bird,
like you said you would!
You should just go to City College.
You know, with your work ethic., just go to
the city college...
and then to jail and then back to City
College
And then maybe you'd learn how to
pull yourself up
and not expect everybody to
do everything for you.
In the name of the Father,
of the Son and of the holy spirit.
Amen.
Let the Lord be with you.
And also with you.
We all have you back for the
start of a new school year.
All the Xavier Boys.
And the Immaculate Heart girls.
Of the United States of America.
And to the republic
which it stands.
A nation, under God...
9/11 NEVER FORGE - The liberty and justice for all.
A vote for Amanda is
a vote for boys.
Boys and healthy vending
machines because
no one wants a muffin
with that many calories.
Do not ask me, Mr. Bruno,
is this gonna be on the finals?
Or Mr. Bruno, is this
gonna be in the midterms?
Because I am not gonna tell you.
That is none of your business!
You know the rules,
this is my house.
I am reading a letter of St John...
We are afraid that we will
never escape our past...
and we are afraid of what the
future will bring.
We're afraid that we will not get into the
college of our choice,
we're afraid we won't be
loved, we won't be liked,
we won't succeed.
There are the classics:
Saint Augustine, of course.
Aquinas. My favorite, Kierkegaard.
Wait until you hear...
His love story. It will
make you swoon.
And the coming of our
Savior, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Some of the students were disturbed
by your posters.
It's just a bird head on a lady
body.
Or vice versa.
I think it's a little upsetting...
It's my tradition to run for
office.
Don't worry, I won't win.
That's not what I'm worried about.
This won't mess with my
scholarship, will it?
No, you're okay there.
You have a per formative streak, I
think.
Yeah, I think that too.
Maybe you'd enjoy theater arts.
They are having auditions for the
fall musical.
Do we have that here?
It is a collaborative effort
with the men at Xavier.
How am I a senior and not know we
have that?
Perhaps you haven't always been an
active part of this community.
They do a fall musical and a spring
play
and from what I hear it's a
real blast.
What I'd really like is to be on
Math Olympiad.
But math isn't something that you
are terribly strong in?
That we know of YET.
CHRISTINE "LADY BIRD"
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Julie doesn't need to be in
quotes.
But it's not my real name.
It's not the same thing.
I'm not sure you're right...
I am in love with this neighborhood.
Yes, it is so beautiful.
If I lived here I would definitely
have my wedding in the backyard.
I'd have friends over all the time
to study and eat snacks.
I'd be like MOM WE'RE TAKING THE
SNACKS UPSTAIRS TO THE TV ROOM.
I'd have my own bathroom.
I can't stop you dicks from hanging
out here.
But quit wrinkling all the
magazines!
When I'm in this store,
I'm not your sister.
I am a customer Miguel
and I am always right.
Ever since he moved in, your
brother and Shelly...
They are becoming
the same person.
No way.
Yeah, okay, maybe.
See, why don't I look like that?
Yeah. Just once I'd like to have the
song New York Groove playing.
Feel like it really
applies to my life.
You've never even been to New York.
That's why I'm applying to New York
colleges.
Do you know if Sarah
Lawrence is actually IN the city?
Your parents would pay for that?
Scholarships, financial aid.
I'll figure it out.
My Mom thinks I can't get in
but she is sorely mistaken
What about terrorism?
Don't be a Republican.
I'm probably just going to go to
City College.
PUT THE MAGAZINE BACK.
Shit!
- You doing okay, mama?
- Yeah, that was terrifying?
Wasn't it?
Thank God you were there.
I guess you can't
have pencils anymore.
Yeah, just gotta go back to just felt
tip markers. Crayola
Oh Luis this is for you! I got it
for the baby,
I couldn't resist it.
She loves pink.
Well, it's more for you and
Andrea than it is for the baby...
And I'm sorry I didn't have time to
wrap it.
- No, it's perfect.
- Okay. Good.
I'll see you tomorrow...
Or I mean, later?
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Did you know toothpaste
is basically ineffective?
It's like sucking on a mint
Mike Kelly died.
I didn't even know he was sick again.
- How old was he?
- Only fifty-six.
Can Shelly and I get in there?
In a minute honey Dad and I are
still in here!
That's too young
LADY BIRD YOU BETTER BE DRESSED!
- I AM DRESSED.!
- Yeah
I'm gonna send them a note.
Do you think that Shelly and Miguel
have sex on the pullout couch?
Oh yeah.
Why can't I just make the eggs?
Because you take too long and make a big
mess and then I have to
clean the whole thing up.
Eggs aren't good for the
environment, anyway.
- What?
- You heard her.
Eat quickly, PLEASE.
Look at all these pictures. Every
newspaper looks like USA Today.
Shelly and I are trying to be
vegan.
Hence the soy milk.
You wear leather jackets.
But they are Vintage. So they don't
support the industry.
They aren't done, there's white
stuff.
You know how you love Brambles?
Pigs are smarter than him even.
I never thought Brambles
was a genius, okay?
Mom, the eggs are not done!
FINE MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING EGGS.
I WANTED TO.
YOU WON'T LET ME!
- Your sister doesn't like me.
- I'M HUNGRY!
- She does.
- You had your chance, going to bed.
Did you know that Alanis Morisette
wrote this song in only ten minutes?
I believe it.
So...
I'm applying to a couple East
Coast schools.
I need you to help me with the
financial aid application
- But mom can't know.
- We...
Aren't they quite expensive?
First, yes that's why financial
aid
Second, I have to get in first.
Mom won't be happy about it.
Which is why I don't want to fight
about it before I have to.
Just pull over here.
Are you sure,
I can drive you to the front.
This is fine. I like to
walk.
Well, love you.
So what do you think about
college?
I'll see what I can do.
Thanks dad, love you too.
Have a good day at work.
Hey, I'm like Keith Richards...
"I'm just happy to be anywhere."
- Hey bitch!
- Hey.
Alright girls, hope you like
pickles.
- Thanks, Uncle Matt!
- Sweet!
He is not your uncle.
It's just something I'm trying out.
- Bye mom, I love you.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye I love you.
- Your mom really likes you.
- Yeah.
- I just keep getting fatter.
- Me too.
Matt is awesome.
Yeah, I hope he marries my Mom.
That would be nice.
He promised me
his old car when I turn eighteen.
That car should be illegal. Jenna
Walton's not
doing any off-roading.
She just goes to Pavilions.
I heard Jenna Walton has a
tanning bed in her house.
She is so pretty.
Her skin is luminous.
Maybe we should try tanning.
Yeah.
Yes, in the tub I just
put myself underneath,
it's like now, like this,
and then the water just...
We are so gross!
I think I figured it out when I was
like three or something.
I use, I take the shower head,
Oh my God.
Embarrassing! I use that.
I don't know if mine is the right
kind, though.
Maybe it's different
when you actually have...
a penis in
there, like it's more intense.
Mine is pretty intense, I think.
You're not supposed to eat the
wafers!
They are not consecrated.
Being alive.
- Okay, Christine?
- Lady Bird.
- Is that your given name?
- Yeah.
Why is it in quotes?
Well I gave it to myself. It's
given. To me, by me.
OK, take it away, Lady Bird.
Everybody says don't
Everybody says don't it isn't
right, don't it isn't niiiiiceeee
Everybody says don't
Everyone says don't
walk on the grass...
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is despair in
life, let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there is
sadness, over joy...
There are giants in the sky!
There are big, tall, terrible
giants in the sky!
When you're way up high and you
look below at the world you've left
and the things you know that more
than a glance is enough
to show you just how small
you are!
I CAN SEE THE LIGHT ON IN YOUR ROOM
GO TO BED!
Congratulations.
You too! We both got in!
Everyone who auditioned got in.
The part I got was
basically not getting in.
I don't even know how I got cast
in my part.
Me neither. I was the one who had a
dress and prepared a song.
I know.
Now you're gonna be all
romantic with Danny on stage.
It's probably my only
shot at that, you know?
- Do you have a pen?
- Yeah.
LADY BIRD
- Mom...
- We don't need to buy that.
It's only three dollars.
I'm having a hard week.
If you want to read it, we can
go down to the public library.
I want to read it in bed.
That's something that rich people do.
We are not rich people.
Stop!
Stop it! Stop it!
Listen, stop.
- Hey!
- Hi.
Come here often?
Excuse me?
I'm Lady Bird, we're gonna be in
the musical together.
Oh, yes, I remember you!
You were wearing that dress.
I just wanted to say what's up and
I'll see you in rehearsal.
Thanks, I am super excited.
You live in the neighborhood?
Nah, I'm from the wrong side of the
tracks.
What?
- Is that your family?
- Yeah.
Wow!
There are so many of you!
Irish-Catholic!
It's hard to find a girl...
to date that's not my cousin.
Well, okay. You're going to make a
great Franklin.
Oh thanks! I want my hair, his hair
to be curly, though.
Yeah!
Like Jim Morrison. Very '70s.
- Like Jim Morrison, exactly.
- Yeah.
Danny!
I gotta go!
Goodbye.
Who is Jim Morrison again?
He was in a rock band, moron,
The Doors.
I knew that.
This is with your employee
discount?
Yeah, it's already included.
Oh my God! Okay.
- Ma.
- Ma.
- Ma-Na.
- Ma-Na.
- Ma-Na-la.
- Ma-Na-la.
Because it's not important to
be right, it's only important to be...
- do what.
- Exactly.
Purple.
- Two.
- Two.
Two.
Because today is done
See the pretty countryside.
To get our emotions going,
we're going to play
first one to cry wins.
Starting, now.
I'm playing too.
So is Miss Patty.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry.
I heard that before he became a
priest he was married
and he had a son
named Etienne...
who died at 17 of a drug overdose
which maybe was
a suicide but my mom says...
same difference if you are
that careless with your life.
Oh that's her!
Gotta go, bye guys!
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you
these hot rollers.
For your Jim Morrison hair.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
You'll have to show me
how to use them.
It would be my pleasure.
They look like sperms.
Hey! I just remembered I had a
dream about you!
- Really! What happened?
- Yeah.
We were flying to Disneyland on a
giant carrot.
That's awesome!
I love Disneyland.
Yeah me too, I think it's kind of scary
but I also love it.
So pretty clear on applying the rules
of the exponents. You guys with me?
Don't leave me hanging.
Give me a nod?
That is good. Maybe even
a verbal confirmation?
Yes.
Thank you, that's what I like to hear that.
Alright, so, I am gonna be passing
back the graded quizzes.
I urge you to find the problems
where you went wrong.
And work them out.
Good job, Jules, I could tell from
your work
that you even understood
the one you missed!
SUCK A DICK.
I like "Jules".
I just don't get why I'm not good
at math,
my Dad is really good at math.
Even Miguel has a math degree.
Maybe it's your mom's fault.
You lose! POINT JULIE!
No, look.
- Wish me luck.
- Luck.
Hey!
Wanna dance?
Hell, yeah!
Six inches for the Holy Spirit!
That's us!
Oh no, my Mom is coming.
- No, she's not.
- Yes, she is.
But the plan was sleepover at
my house
No. IT'S FINE.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
- Hey Matt.
- Girl.
Have you ever been
out of the country?
When I was little,
my dad had a job...
that took him to Brazil.
I remember from the pictures.
It's my dream to go,
oh I'm sorry.
No, no, you go.
I've never been out of the country.
It's my dream to go to Paris.
Paris.
That's why I'm taking French.
My mom said French wasn't useful.
It is, if you want to go to Paris.
I still don't know how to use those
rollers that you gave me.
Oh, it's so easy, so it's after they
heat up, you...
You take your hair and
twist the hair like this and...
Larry how long will this hold us.?
I don't know.
Well, somebody's gotta know. Can the
whole family go on Cobra,
even Miguel? What happens if
someone gets in an accident?
Ah the severance package I think
it expires all at once, not
within the calendar year...
Is she home?
Maybe just leave it tonight...
No, she knows better.
- She cannot sneak around like this...
- Marion.
Christine! You can't
leave your room like this!
I didn't.
None of these things were put
away right
They aren't nice,
CHRISTINE! NOW!
- My name is Lady Bird.
- Don't lie to me!
This uniform, this gonna look
like TRASH on Monday!
This isn't right. We can't treat
our clothes like this.
I don't know what your
wealthy friends do...
Why do you care what I do to my
clothes?
Your father does not have a job.
He lost his job.
Do you need him to come in
here and explain that to you?
Of course he probably wouldn't
anyway, he's Mr. Nice Guy.
And I always have to be the Bad Guy.
- Can we please talk about this tomorrow?
- You can't look like a rag
because
that makes us look like rags.
And you want to know the truth?
Here is the truth: some of
your friends' fathers...
could employ your father
and they are not gonna do it...
if it looks
like his family is trash.
You understand?
Didn't you ever go to sleep without
putting all your clothes away perfectly?
Like even once? And don't you wish
your Mom hadn't gotten angry?
My mother was an
abusive alcoholic.
So I understand you're not
interested in any Catholic colleges?
No way. Sorry, but
yes, no way.
Then you'll be applying to UCs and
State schools?
Yeah, but also those East Coast
liberal arts schools.
Like Yale, but not Yale because
I probably couldn't get in.
You definitely couldn't get in.
Part of my job is to help you be
realistic.
Yeah.
That seems like everyone's job.
Your SAT scores are strangely very
good.
I had placed some calls to local
alumni...
of the schools you're
interested in,
but unfortunately
all the interviews are taken.
So... What does that mean?
It means you'll have to get in
on how you look on paper.
All right, stop, stop, stop.
Shouldn't we go home?
My Mom is always mad. It doesn't
matter if I get home late
she'd be mad at me anyway.
Your Mom is hard on you.
Yeah but, she loves me a lot.
Pick a star for us.
That one, right there right next to the
bright one and then the dim one, you see it?
Yeah.
That is our star.
You know you can touch my boobs,
right?
I know... It's just...
I respect you too much for that.
Oh, cool, awesome. I totally get
that. Thank you.
You're welcome.
If you had boobs, I would
not touch them either.
I respect you so much because...
I love you.
I love you too.
Let's name our star, Claude.
That's pretentious, don't you think?
It's French.
What should we name it?
Bruce.
- I love you!
- I love you!
Bruce...
It's normal to not touch a penis.
I have to go to class.
But I have free period!
I need to pass history!
I think we're done with the
learning portion of high school.
I'm gonna go.
NO! I HATE BEING ALONE!
Bye, love you.
Did Danny say whether his grandmother
has a formal Thanksgiving?
I don't know, there are a lot of
kids,
but she lives in the
fab forties...
Oh well. Your dad and I went once to a
dinner in that neighborhood.
The CEO of ISC, that was pretty
formal.
You're not going to a funeral.
Well, I don't know!
What says rich
people Thanksgiving?
I think it's such a shame
that you're spending
your last Thanksgiving with a family...
you've never met instead of us,
but I guess you want it that way
Are you tired?
No.
Hey, Marion!
Hello, Joyce! How's the baby?
- He's crawling!
- No!
I want to see a picture at
checkout!
- Okay.
- Okay.
If you're tired we can sit down.
I am not tired!
Oh okay, I just that I couldn't tell
because you're dragging your feet.
Well, I just couldn't tell.
Why didn't you just say
Pick up your feet?
I didn't know if you were tired.
You were being passive aggressive!
- No. I wasn't.
- You're so INFURIATING.
- Please stop yelling.
- I am not yelling.
- Oh it's perfect.
- Don't you love it.
So because my grade book
has disappeared,
here's what we're gonna do...
I am going to count on
you to reconstruct it.
I know you all know your
grades better than anybody.
I have a general idea, but
this is all about...
the honor code right now.
I, A-
I'm pretty sure it was an A.
Um, I'm not but okay.
It was. Trust me, I know
talent when I see it.
You're welcome.
No, thank you.
Hey, I think B.
I thought it was more like B-maybe
even C+ territory.
No, because I did really well on
the last quiz...
I seem to remember you doing only
slightly better.
It brought my average up to a B.
Okay, B it is.
It's your honor.
LADY BIRD! YOUR LOVER AWAITS!
Hello, Danny! The famous Danny!
Aren't you adorable!
- Larry, is not he adorable?
- He's adorable.
And you're driving her and
everything, Wow!
Yeah, well.
Thank you for letting Lady Bird come to...
my Grandmother's
Thanksgiving, Mrs. McPherson.
No more politeness, call me Marion!
Well, nice to meet you, Mr. McPherson.
Please, call me Mr.
Larry McPherson.
Larry! Sit down Danny, can I get
you something to drink?
Oh no, I'm fine
Hi, I'm Miguel. The brother.
I think Lady Bird wants to make an
entrance.
She's mad we don't have a
spiral staircase.
Shelly.
What?
Is my name.
- Oh hi.
- Hi.
It's funny, on my way here, I went
over the train tracks...
You took H street?
Right, and so Lady Bird always
says...
that she lives on the wrong
side of the tracks,
but I always thought that
it was, like, a metaphor.
But there are actual train tracks.
Hi, you look amazing!
What in the hell is in that duffel
bag?
Don't worry about it, Jeez!
My grandmother will
love that dress.
Oh, okay.
- Wait, this is your grandma's house?
- Yeah.
Oh my god!
Oh Danny, you're late.
Thank you very much for having us.
This is Lady Bird.
Hi.
Hi honey,
been anxious to meet you.
Your house is my favorite in all
East Sacramento.
Thank you.
Oh my God.
Is this... A joke?
No.
Pull these out.
Almost done.
Do you like it?
Lovely, I love it.
Would you mind doing the
whole table for me?
Okay.
Waking up the countryside
How do you know when it's working?
- You will know.
- It's not working.
- It's not?
- No.
My sister said this was premium.
- I'm working.
- I'm working too.
Nope.
I can't feel my arms.
You're working.
If Danny and I get married
and then his Grandma died,
I'd inherit the Dream House.
Wouldn't his parent's get it?
Oh yeah, we'd have to kill them.
And we'd have to kill his
older brothers, too.
Where is Mr. Bruno's wife?
No.
How's it going?
Mom, we can't really
talk right now.
Well, Happy Thanksgiving.
We missed you, Lady Bird.
Bye.
- Bye Birdy.
- Bye Shelly.
Why does that cigarette look so
weird? Like not like a cigarette?
It's a clove.
Lick your lips,
that's why they are sweet.
Your Mom was really
sad you weren't...
here tonight for Thanksgiving.
Yeah well, she hates me.
She has a big heart, your Mom.
She took me in after...
my parents freaked
out about, whatever...
Premarital sex.
I admire her.
SAINT IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA.
Pray for us.
LIVE JESUS IN OUR HEARTS...
Forever.
It started out like a song
There she is! Jules,
Wow! You were
so good. I couldn't believe that.
Thank you.
This is my wife, Becky.
Becky this is Jules, she's
one of my brightest students.
So nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
How we doing?
Yes, I'm a little tired.
Okay, I gotta get her home,
we've got the little one,
but that was pretty great Jules.
Thank you.
Congratulations.
They didn't understand it.
Yay!
No, no!
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU ALL WILL BE?
I DRANK SO MUCH SODA!
Fuck you!
I just got my period!
Goddamn it!
Where are you going?
There's never a line in the men's
room!
Oh my God!
They're really nice socks.
They're expensive, actually. They
wick moisture away from your feet.
My feet always have moisture.
Mom, I love them.
I'm sorry it's Small Christmas.
We wanted to, it's just
a little small this year.
These are nice.
Look.
- Okay.
- That's great.
It makes me laugh.
Dad? Come in.
How did you know it was me?
Mom doesn't knock
No, she doesn't.
Here they are, your completed
financial aid applications.
- Thank you...
- Merry Christmas.
Thank you!
Do you need money
for the applications?
Because I can help with
that, too, I just need...
no, no, I've got that, summer
jobs covered it.
This is why we have
Computer shut-off time.
This is our room.
Okay, okay, just can you drive me
to the
post office on J? It
should still be open.
3, 2, 1... Happy New Year!
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year!
Hey! I like your band with Jonah
Ruiz, L'enfance Nue?
L'enfance Nue.
Well, I saw your Thanksgiving show.
My name's Lady Bird.
It's weird you shake hands.
Yeah.
I'm friends with Jenna and
she's always talking about...
how great your band is so
I wanted to check it out.
- Yeah. Jenna's hella tight.
- Yeah.
Maybe I'll see you at
the Deuce or something.
Sure, see you at the Deuce.
Hey!
I'm not paying you to flirt!
I wasn't flirting.
I wish you had been.
A reading of the
book of Genesis.
The Lord took Abraham
outside and said...
Look up at the sky and count
the stars if you can.
Just so, He added...
shall your descendents be.
Abraham put his faith in the Lord.
Who credited to him as
an act of righteousness.
Our father who art in Heaven.
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done, on
earth as in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
The first time we did it
was at his...
lake house last summer. It was so
funny...
From Uncle Matt. I think he and my
Mom are fighting,
So enjoy the
lunches while you can.
Oh, no thanks, I'm trying to lose
weight.
Really?
Yeah, sex is not a big deal, it's
just my mom called during it!
It was on my cell phone, the one she got me
for emergencies.
Did you pick up?
Yeah, I was like, "um, Mom,
I can't really talk right now."
What was the emergency?
What?
What was the emergency?
Oh, my great aunt died.
I am so sorry.
She kind of did it to herself.
Yeah, I don't know why do that if
you're already so old.
Ladies, the skirts?
I'm going to write you a citation,
Miss Walton.
No more short skirts!
Sarah-Joan is all up in my jock.
She's a cunt.
Birdy you like her.
Yeah, but, she's a cunt.
I have an idea of how
to get Sarah-Joan back.
How?
You will see. This afternoon?
No, we have auditions this afternoon.
Right, I mean...
I don't think I want to do the
play.
Meet me in the teacher's parking
lot at 3.
I'll have the materials.
Agree.
Wait what was your name?
Lady Bird.
- Weird.
- Ladies!
We have a decision to make: prom
themes!
The top options so far...
Cities of the World, Eternal Flame,
and Movies!
Where is Father Leviatch?
Alright let's have everyone take a
knee.
What?
Cozy sit.
Now, I know that you all
miss Father Leviatch,
I'm telling you that, the brothers do too,
but I am going to...
give this thing my
very best shot.
Usually I'm
the J.V. football coach
but from what I can tell
a play is a play...
Where is Lady Bird?
She's with her new best friend.
She thinks she's too
cool for theater.
Now if you can pull out your
scripts.
I've assigned a number to
each of your roles.
And I'm going to put the
blocking up here on this board,
and if you guys can transcribe that
back into your playbooks, that'd be great.
Who is playing what part?
I had Miss Patty here assign roles
and she knows you all.
So... Call 'em out Miss Patty!
Okay. Uh, Prosper, Danny.
Danny nice, that's role 1.
JUST MARRIED TO JESUS.
Wait, where do you live?
The 40s.
That's where our starter house was!
Which street?
Um, 44th it's, it's the three story
blue one with the white shutters
and the American flag in
the front.
Yeah, I know that one! Do you wanna
go over there right now and eat?
I live in Granite Bay otherwise
I'd say lets go there.
Actually, I was thinking
maybe we should go to the Deuce?
I was talking to Kyle about it and
he was like
whatever it's lame but
maybe I'll see you there.
How do you know Kyle?
My Mom made me get a job at...
New Helvetia to learn
like responsibility.
Anyway we hang out there.
Yeah, Kyle's awesome. let's Deuce
it up.
Okay guys, now look...
Role 1, right.
You're going to run kind of
a skinny pose right up front.
I want you to look straight
at the audience, okay?
Don't be looking around and
blabbing anybody if they walk by.
8, 9, and 10,
you coming in hard right here.
Because these guys are gonna love it.
Don't talk much yourself.
Now, coming in slow...
We're singing.
This is singing.
The white lines are singing.
We are singing.
We are singing.
Danny's not singing here.
He's all alone.
Singing 8, 9 and 10...
You come in hard!
You come in hard!
- This is the Deuce?
- Yeah.
- It's a parking lot?
- Yeah.
We were in one parking lot and
we went to another parking lot.
Hey Kyle! Lady Bird and I
just decorated...
the nun-mobile like just
married to Jesus!
That's hella tight.
What you do is very
baller, very anarchist.
Yeah, fuck 'em.
Don't worry, I'm not
gonna snitch on you.
Well, I hope not, because I'd fucking
kill your family.
What?
Sorry that was an exaggeration.
It's okay. My Dad has cancer.
So, I guess God is
doing that for us.
Oh... I'm sorry.
You work at New Helvetia, right?
Right.
Can I get your number? We were looking
to set up some more gigs down there...
Definitely.
It's my parents' number.
- You don't have a cell phone?
- Nah..
Good girl. The government didn't
have to put tracking devices on us,
we bought them and put them on
ourselves.
I don't own a tracking device.
No the cell phones. See?
Yeah. I know. I mean you'll have one
eventually. Everyone's gonna have one.
And then it'll be a
matter of time before.
Before what?
Before they put
them in our brains.
What do you want of me?
Yes?
My grandmother wanted me to tell you
that she missed you at Christmas.
Yeah, well, I could not
have gone anyway...
my Mom was pissed about
Thanksgiving.
Your mom is crazy.
I'm scared of her.
She's not crazy, she's just, you know,
she has a big heart. She's very warm.
I don't find your mother warm.
You don't?
Well no, she's warm, yeah, but she's
also kind of scary.
You can't be scary and warm.
I think you can, your Mom is.
YOU'RE GAY!
Fuck me. Can you not
tell anyone, please?
I'm so sorry about everything.
I'm so ashamed of all of it.
It's going to be bad and I just
need a little bit of time to...
figure out how I'm going
to tell my mom and dad.
Don't worry,
I won't tell.
It's okay.
It's okay...
And do you have
a support system?
What do you mean?
Who do you turn to
when you feel this way?
No one, I guess.
I'm sorry.
No, no, don't be sorry. There's
no wrong answer.
Please, don't tell your daughter.
No, of course not.
Of course not.
Remember that you are dust and to
dust you shall return...
Remember that you are dust and
to dust you shall return...
It's a new system, you just...
enter your social
security number and...
Davis?
Davis is good.
Maybe you should have looked at it.
It's only half an hour away!
Less if you're driving fast!
I went to graduate school there.
Lots of smart people go to Davis.
I thought Berkeley had to accept me.
You and Miguel went there.
I am a legacy.
Eh, not if we don't give money.
And you get bad grades.
Oh what do you know about it?
- Meaning?
- Nothing.
- No, What are you implying?
- Nothing.
YOU FUCKING RACIST.
I didn't say anything.
I DIDN'T PUT DOWN MY RACE!
Oh yeah, I'm sure they
had no idea, MIGUEL!
You are actually fucking evil.
What is wrong with you?
Go... Go to your room.
I'm not FIVE!
I didn't raise you like this.
I don't have to go ANYWHERE! I'm
not going to a fucking university...
that's famous for it's fucking
AGRICULTURAL SCHOOL
And Miguel and Shelly,
you will never get jobs!
With all that shit in your face!
- Hey!
- Hi!
Help yourself to anything in
the fridge.
My parent's are upstairs but
they don't care if you drink.
Okay, cool.
I hate that shit.
But you smoke.
That's called hand rolled cigarettes,
never industrially produced...
and never cloves.
What's wrong with the Cloves?
You can't inhale cloves. What's
the point?
You're not supposed to.
Well, Cloves were what I first smoked,
when I was young
so, you know, force of habit.
It has fiber glass.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Rolling your own is best.
Also, like, I'm trying to,
as much as is possible,
not participate in our economy.
I don't like money. So, I am trying
to live by bartering alone.
But doesn't Catholic school cost money?
Yeah the diocese
were not super into it.
It mattered to my Dad that
I go to Xavier,
so just trying to
make him happy.
I don't want to have sex yet.
I haven't had sex yet.
With another person.
No, me neither.
- Really?
- Yes.
Oh my god! It's the tanning bed!
Julie will love this!
Who's Julie?
Lady Bird! You can't lock
the door over here,
We have one bathroom!
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
It's just this is the only place I
can get any privacy.
Do you really need to use two towels?
Ah... No,
I guess no.
If you need two towels
you just have to say so
because this affects
my whole day.
Because I have to do
laundry before work,
and I need to know if there are
more towels that I need to wash.
I just need one, sorry.
OK, well, let me get to the
mirror, I've gotta get going.
When do you think is a
normal time to have sex?
- You're having sex?
- No!
Uh, college is good,
I think college.
And... Use protection.
Like we talked about.
Okay.
Is Dad depressed?
Why do you ask that?
The pills... they have
Dad's name on them.
Dad's been struggling with
depression for years.
I didn't know that.
Money is not life's report card.
He's depressed about money?
Being successful doesn't mean
anything in and of itself.
It just means that
you're successful.
Yeah, but then
you're successful.
But that doesn't
mean that you're happy.
But he is not happy.
I have to get out of Sacramento.
Why?
Because it's soul-killing. It's
the mid-west of California.
Isn't there a thing, like
think globally, act locally.
I feel that the person who said
that didn't live in Sacramento.
I love it here.
I want to send my
daughters to Immaculate Heart.
I want to be, you know,
I want to be a mom.
At least go to San Francisco.
I don't like hills.
Start simple with x.
Plus 3, times x, plus 2.
Julie!
Julie!
Julie, hey!
What do you want from Julie?
Darlene, can you excuse us?
Darlene, stay.
Why aren't you in Algebra II?
- I switched sections.
- Why?
Are not Jenna and Kyle enough?
I'm sorry that you're jealous.
HA! Jenna is a moron,
you know.
She's not. She's
in AP Calculus.
She's a moron in a deeper sense.
You don't even know her.
Miss Patty assigned you
a role, by the way.
You just never showed
up to claim it.
What role?
"The Tempest".
There is no role
of The Tempest.
It's the titular role!
No, it's a made up thing so we all
can participate.
You can't do anything
unless you're
the center of attention, can you?
Yeah, well, you know
your mom's tits?
They're FAKE. TOTALLY FAKE.
She made one bad decision at 19!
Two bad decisions.
And at fifteen, this
girl was pregnant.
She decided that she was
going to get an abortion.
It made sense.
It was the right thing to do.
Let me guess she didn't get it.
And something deep
inside of her said NO.
Bingo.
Anyone want to guess
who this woman is?
- The young lady right here.
- You?
No, it was not me.
Your friend?
No, the girl in the story
was... my mother.
I am that baby that
she decided not to abort.
That could have been me, that could
have been my fate.
Just because something looks ugly
doesn't mean that it is morally wrong.
What did you say, ma'am?
- Nothing.
- Please, share.
I said just because something
looks ugly
doesn't mean that it is
morally wrong.
You think dead children aren't
morally wrong?
No...
I'm just saying that if you took up
close pictures of my vagina
while I was on my period it would be
disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.
Excuse me?
Listen, if your mother
had had the abortion,
we wouldn't have to sit
through this stupid assembly.
Suspended!
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
Everything we do is for you.
Everything.
You think I like driving
that car around. Do you?
No.
You think I like working double
shifts at the psych hospital?
No.
You needed to go to the Catholic school
because your brother saw somebody...
knifed in front of him at the
public school,
is that what you want?
LARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE
COMPUTER?!
Nothing.
You think Dad and I don't know,
how ashamed that you are of us?
Your dad knows, your dad
knows why you ask us...
to drop you off a block away
from school every day.
Dad I didn't mean to
You make him feel horrible.
- HORRIBLE do you know that?
- I am sorry.
Marion you didn't have to bring
that up.
No, Larry, you can't just be the
nice guy.
She has to know, she has
to know how you feel.
Otherwise she's just gonna think
that she can say anything at all...
And nobody ever gets hurt.
Wrong side of the tracks.
I didn't mean it that
way, it was a joke.
Yeah, it's just a joke, Mom and
Dad, they don't care.
We didn't think we'd be in this
house for twenty-five years,
we thought we'd
move somewhere better.
Whatever we give you,
it's never enough.
- It's never be enough.
- It is enough.
Do you have any idea what it
cost to raise you?
How much you're just
THROWING away every day?
Give me a number.
What?
GIVE ME A NUMBER!
I don't understand.
You give me a number for how much
it cost to raise me,
and I'm going to get older
and make a lot of money
and write you a check for
what I owe you
so that I never have to
speak to you again.
I highly doubt that you will be
able to get a job...
good enough to do that.
The attack on Baghdad last night.
It was absolutely incredible.
Hello?
Hey, it's me! Jenna.
Hey, are you calling me from school?
No, we got out early
because all the Irish girls,
got totally sloshed by noon...
Oh, right, happy Saint Patrick's
Day!
Yeah, I guess they'd
been stock-piling...
Mini liquor bottles in the tampon
machines.
Now they're all throwing up.
Everyone else got out early.
So GUESS where I am?
I don't know, where?
Ding, dong, I'm outside!
What?
I'm standing outside.
NO JUST LEAVE!
LEAVE
Leave.
Fuck!
- Hello...
- Hi.
So this is your house?
Yeah.
The woman in the other
house was totally freaked out.
That's my friend's grandma.
That's her house.
Why did you say
it was your house?
I wished I lived in that house.
I don't even sort of understand why
somebody would lie about that.
I didn't lie.
You lied, you're a liar.
I hate dishonesty.
I'm sorry.
Apology accepted, I guess.
Are we still friends?
I mean, if you're still Kyle's
girlfriend, then yeah.
I guess I'll see you around.
I'm ready.
What?
I'm ready... To have sex.
Okay,
Great.
You're so dextrous with that.
- You're okay?
- Yeah.
Are you...?
Are you done?
Yeah. Yes.
Sorry, I was confused.
- You have some sort of like blood!
- What? What?
- Oh, shit, I get nose bleeds. I'm sorry.
- Here.
Thanks. I am so sorry.
No, I'm good.
Remember when
tie-dye was an activity.
I didn't make that shirt, my parents
got it for me at Sea Ranch,
you can read Sea Ranch
if you look close.
Cut to ten years later.
What?
Like how ten years ago you were in
first grade...
and now we...
cut to...!
What does cut to mean to you?
Or like you know
"little did he know..."
Nothing you're saying
is makes any sense.
How we're not virgins now!
We deflowered each other.
We have each other's flowers.
Sorry, I'm just happy.
I didn't lose my
virginity to you.
Wait. What?
I lost my virginity
to Cassie Duval.
Excuse me?
You said you were a virgin.
No I didn't. Because I'm not. And I
haven't lied in two years.
Oh, Jesus!
Yeah, I've probably slept
with, like, six people?
You don't even know
if it's six people?
I don't keep a list.
Why wouldn't you keep a
list. We're in high school?
Why are you getting so moody?
You did say you were a virgin.
I think you might have
made an assumption.
I just had a whole
experience that was wrong.
Look, you're deciding to be upset.
No, I am upset.
Because you're deciding to be.
Don't be mad at me for this.
That's
stupid. You can't be mad at me
for something I have
no control over now.
I just wanted it to be special.
Why? You're going to have so much
un-special sex in your life.
I was on top!
Who the fuck is on
top their first time?
Do you have any, like a awareness about
how many civilians we've killed since
invasion in Iraq started?
Shut up, shut up. Different
things can be sad.
It's not all war.
Are we still going to prom together?
Sure.
I thought Miguel was
going to pick me up.
Well, I was just driving
from work and...
It was easier.
You're okay?
Oh honey! Yes!
Oh, it's okay, it's okay.
What is this sweater?
Oh, it's just, my friend
Jenna gave it to me.
- Who's Jenna?
- My friend.
Do you want to do our
favorite Sunday activity?
I don't have a second shift.
Yeah.
With the so-called bunker,
destroying bombs.
Lady Bird! A bunch of things
arrived for you!
Holy shit!
Since when do you get mail?
I get mail.
Whatever you're up to, it's not
going to end well.
Yes!
The programmers now a days
are, like, kids, man!
I know, but that's why I think with
me you'll find something different.
YEAH BUT THEY'RE LIKE BABIES.
I hear you, it's wild.
Which is why...
I went back to school and...
I got my MBA at UC Davis while
still working at ISC.
Oh, wow. That must
been a lot of work.
It was.
I heard ISC is closing now, though.
I heard, yes.
So the assholes who fired you
are now closing up shop.
Feels good.
Yeah...
What else is supposed to happen?
Oh, I thought we were going
to talk about the position.
How'd it go?
Let's go buy a big bag of Doritos
and eat them in the car
to celebrate your wait-list.
Okay!
Don't tell Mom about the
Doritos or the wait-list!
- Hey.
- Oh... hi, son!
Wait, what are you doing here?
I guess we're um, going
for the same job then?
It looks like it.
Go get 'em!
Thanks.
- This right here?
- Yeah, yeah.
I know it was you who
did the Just Married thing.
It wasn't me.
I'm not going to punish you.
Oh... why not?
It was funny. Sister Gina and I
drove all the way home
before we
noticed people were honking.
Really?
To be fair, I wasn't
just married to Jesus.
It's been forty years...
Well, he's a lucky guy.
I read your college essay.
You clearly love Sacramento.
I do?
You write about Sacramento so
affectionately, and with such care.
Well, I was just describing it.
Well, it comes across as love.
Sure, I guess I pay attention.
Don't you think maybe
they are the same thing?
Love & attention?
I guess you won't be going to any
dances in college. This is our last one.
You know, Davis
has a terrific theater.
If you're still interested
in theater. Are you?
I'm probably no good at acting.
Why don't I look like the girls in
the magazines?
It's too bad I can't
meet this Kyle before prom.
He's not my boyfriend anymore.
I mean, maybe he never was.
I'd still like to meet him.
It's too tight. Fuck!
Well, I suggested you not take
that second helping of pasta.
Mom!
Honey, you seem upset about it,
And I'm trying to help you.
Mom! You're giving me an eating
disorder!
I wish I could get
an eating disorder.
I love it.
Is it too pink?
What?
Why can't you say I look nice?
I thought you didn't even care
what I think.
I still want you to
think I look good.
Okay, I'm sorry, I was
telling you the truth.
Do you want me to lie?
No, I mean. I just wish...
I just...
I wish that you liked me.
Of course I love you.
But do you like me?
I want you to be the very best
version of yourself you can be.
What if this is the best version?
You look really pretty.
Really?
You look like a bad
ass girl in a band.
Thanks.
Um, I guess, that's my date.
You aren't going to get in the car
with a guy who honks, are you?
I think, yes, I am.
Let me get your picture.
Mom's pissed. She
had to work a double.
Even you deserve better than this.
- Have a good time!
- Yeah, good luck!
- See you.
- See you.
I think she's weird.
She is weird.
Hey guys. I guess
I'll just, sit shotgun?
Yeah.
You look really nice, Kyle.
- You look good.
- Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi!
Hey.
Hey, what's going on, man.
Hey, yeah,
OK, that sounds great. OK.
Do you guys want to ditch prom
and just go to Mike's instead?
Yeah, I hate dances.
Yes!
Yeah, okay.
No prom.
I fucking hate this song.
I love it.
I actually want to go to prom.
Okay, yeah, I mean,
I don't really wanna do that.
Can you take me to my
friend Julie's house, please?
Sure.
Who is Julie?
She is my best friend.
Julie, honey, there's
someone here to see you.
Hey.
Are you okay?
I'm fine, I'm fine.
What happened?
Nothing, really nothing.
Why are you crying?
I'm just crying.
Some people aren't
built happy, you know?
Oh my God!
We ate all the cheese!
It's okay, blocks of cheese vary in
size, this one was a small one.
So small.
Tiny, it's almost as if we
would not have eaten it.
Fuck it, let's go to prom. Does
not your Mom have a dress?
Let's be honest, I've had
a dress for months.
It's purple and you're
really gonna like it.
I promise that I will love it.
People make so much
noise in the movies,
but it's really not a big thing,
you can totally be quiet
during it.
Was it amazing, though?
I wanted it so badly but then I
found that when it happened,
I really like dry
humping much more.
You're NOT a virgin.
- I can't wait for State Fair.
- Ah, I know!
- LOG RIDE!
- LOG RIDE!
Oh, shit.
What?
I'm not going to be here this
summer. Like all summer, basically.
Why not?
Well, my Dad, my real Dad, he
resurfaced in Yellowstone and
he wants me to come there for
the summer before I start SCC.
I'm not going anywhere to college,
so it seemed like a good opportunity.
Yeah.
I'm going to miss the fuck out of
you.
I probably won't get in.
So I'll go to Davis and
I'll see you every day.
Now I want Spirits to
enforce, art to enchant,
And my ending is despair.
Unless I be relieved by prayer,
which pierces so that it
assaults mercy itself
and frees all faults.
As you from crimes
would pardoned be,
let your indulgence set me free.
Yes!
Christine "Lady Bird" McPherson.
Yes.
To Miguel and his new job!
Here, here, yes.
To Lady Bird going to Davis!
To Davis!
- Yeah.
- Congratulations.
Good school
Hey, so, I talked to my manager,
and you can totally take over my old job.
Thanks, Miguel!
I'm so proud of you, Lady Bird.
You walked weird across the stage,
but you did it.
I didn't walk weird!
It seemed a little weird,
the way you walked.
Mom!
I miss you guys!
Did you find out about the
wait list?
Oh, fuck!
What?
I'm not even in yet,
so this might
not even be a problem... Mom?
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone
behind your back,
I just... It's not like I'm definitely
going to New York.
Mom. Mom.
Aren't you sort of proud that...
I'm so close to
getting in? Just a little?
I mean, yes, I know
it was probably...
easier because 9/11
and less people applying with
terrorism and all that, but still though.
I'm sorry, I know I can lie and
not be a good person but.
Please, Mom, please
I'm so sorry,
I didn't mean to hurt you. I appreciate
everything you've done for me,
I'm ungrateful and I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry I wanted more...
Just, please, talk to me.
I know, I know I'm so bad,
I know I am,
but please just talk to me.
Mom, please talk to me.
Here, now next one.
That'll be 3 dollars.
You passed.
- Seriously?
- Yes.
Thanks.
Not a thanking situation, you
either pass or you don't pass.
Yay.
Come in.
Happy Birthday to you!
You remembered!
You are my only daughter.
Well, Shelly too, kind of.
Thanks.
Make a wish.
Are you and Mom gonna get a
divorce over this?
No... we can't afford to!
Dad...
I'm kidding, no.
I love your Mom.
Does Mom hate me?
You both have such...
strong personalities
She doesn't know how to help
you and that frustrates her.
I wish she'd talk to me.
She will, I know.
Happy 18th.
Thanks. Do you want some?
Yes.
One pack of Camel Lights, please.
And a scratcher.
And a Playgirl.
ID?
There would be
ten eighty-seven.
It's my birthday today.
I'm eighteen.
Which is why all these things.
I can buy them.
Okay. Happy Birthday.
Thanks.
With her scholarships and then if we
re-finance the house... then where are we?
You're only supposed to
use it for emergencies.
It's my tracking device.
GRADUATION '03 THE ETERNAL FLAME
Thank you for driving.
You're welcome.
You are not coming?
You can't walk up to the gate
anymore, anyway.
Yeah, but, I'm going to college.
Well, dad will walk you to security.
Parking is too expensive here.
There it is.
It's okay.
She'll be back.
She'll come back.
Dear Lady Bird...
She was worried that
there would be errors,
or mistakes or something...
that you'd judge her writing abilities.
I wouldn't do that.
I thought you should have them.
But...
I want you to know
how much she loves you,
but also don't tell her I
salvaged them, okay?
Okay...
- Hey.
- Hey.
Do you believe in God?
Ah. No.
Why not?
Ah, it's ridiculous.
People call each other by
names their parents...
made up for them but they
won't believe in God.
What's your name?
Christine. My name is Christine.
I'm David.
- You shake.
- I shake.
Okay.
- Where are you from?
- Sacramento.
Sorry, where?
San Francisco.
Oh cool! Yeah,
San Francisco is a great city.
Bruce!
No, my name is David.
Jesus Christ, you have really bad music.
It's all Greatest Hits.
But they're the Greatest,
what's wrong with that?
Oh, god!
I am sorry.
What do you want us to do, she's drunk.
Excuse me.
What day is it?
Sunday.
Thank you.
Hi. You have reached
the McPherson family.
Please leave a message. Thank you.
Hi Mom and Dad,
it's me. Christine.
It's the name you gave me.
It's a good one.
Dad, this is more for mom.
Hey Mom, did you feel emotional,
the first time that you drove in
Sacramento?
I did and I wanted to tell you,
but we weren't really talking
when it happened.
All those bends I've known my whole life,
and stores, and the whole thing.
But I wanted to tell you.
I love you.
Thank you.
I'm...
Thank you.
Previo by TaMaBin.