I never wanted us
was' mystery 'on us.
It 'just that I had nothing
to say, at the beginning.
But now, after all this
time, c '? just a story.
Yet, every night I think
that my life is so? boring.
I know what? Many people ... not
deserve to have a book written about us.
I know I have to talk about
details of my life.
You know, I like to talk
with you ... but ...
... I do not think that will be the most open with
you about my personal life.
Why? People do not
deserve to know ...
You do the cocks ...
... about my life
private now.
Vadano to fanculo!
They must not know
ALL about me.
I have always wanted to think
I was an alien.
When I thought little of
have been adopted by my mother, ...
because ...? I had found
when a spaceship ...
... I was sent down by a
different planet. I wanted so much.
Every night I spoke with the
My real family in heaven.
I knew that there were thousands more
cascati children of aliens on Earth.
And they are everywhere.
I know different.
I have always thought about this thing.
It was fun to imagine.
I am not here for a few
special reason ...
... and I always longing for home.
And 'the same for the other aliens.
I have known only
a handful ...
... during my life ...
... and one day discover
cos'? that we have to do.
Until all'et? Had for 8 years
had a childhood very happy.
Really good, with
a mother affectionate E. ..
... I have always driven to make art.
Disegnavo, read and
she encouraged me.
I enjoyed it a lot ...
a childhood truly excellent.
I had everything under control
and I knew what I did.
Nothing could stop.
I knew they can do what
I wanted to perch? world was small ...
... and the things I was prostravano
Fortunately front ...
... and I did not have n? problems
n? obstacles, at that time.
I have never been
a 'bad boy' ...
but I did things ...
... ...
... pull cans full of
stones at cars.
And I was fixed with the cops.
I said "corn on the cops."
The cops arrive and kill you.
As I saw a flying saucer
tiravo the cans.
And as I saw a sbirro
the cantavo those words ...
... and the indicavo saying
that it was' evil '.
My aunt Mary ...
... a sort of aspiring musician ...
... played in various groups in Aberdeen Bar ...
... and you? been the person I
has helped the most by far ...
... with regard to the music ...
because ...? me regal? a guitar
electricity when I was 8 years ...
... and I was her to give me the Beatles discs.
And I said a bass drum ...
... and me agganciavo and giravo
with the Elmer Fudd hat ...
... and the shoes of my father.
And giravo for the neighbourhood beating
on the drum and singing the Beatles.
When very most young I was sure
to become a rock-star.
There were no problems,
perch? cos I was? hyperactive e. ..
... the world was in my hands.
I could do everything.
I could become President,
if I wanted.
But it was stupid idea.
Better to be a rock-star.
I do not understand my environment,
What I attendesse.
The alienation that I would have
tried by teenager ...
because ...? saw as Aberdeen
any other town of America.
I thought they were all equal.
All agree, and without the
instead there was violence.
It would have been easy ...
... and I believed that the U.S. had
not most of my large garden.
Then there would be
been problems ...
... to turn the whole country
playing in a group ...
... and appear on
covers of magazines.
I had an early preparation ...
... but when I started to have
depressive attacks to 9 years ...
... I stopped to see her in that way.
I think that my generation
is the last generation innocent.
The TV was not violent,
there was the 'cable'.
We had 'Sesame Street',
'Speed Racer' is stuff here, and go on.
Everything was imaginary.
Everything was ... basic medieval ...
compared with today.
Children are required to be pi?
ahead of what are really.
Venivo always sculacciato.
My father ... species outside ... the restaurant ...
if versavo something by mistake ...
... I was running his head between the knuckles ...
or gave me a slap.
I have never managed to understand how ...
... a parent could be
cos? imbrazzato ...
... what? intimidated by what could
others think about you in a restaurant ...
... just because? your son has
overthrew something by mistake ...
... as for having to punish the accident.
It 'a bad joke psychological
to play a child ...
... because ... still inside affondo
me if something other side.
I arrabbio much with myself.
Why? Have been preconditioned
not to commit human error.
Everything must always be perfect.
Go to fanculo for this.
His work in practice was run
all day to count trunks.
His idea of activity? Father-son was
bring to work Saturday and Sunday ...
... and I restavo sitting in his office
while he was out to count trunks.
Bel weekend exciting!
I did and disegnavo
jokes telephone.
Then I went in the store where
were stacked the 2x4.
They were very high and there
I played in 'guards and thieves' ...
... or was pretending to be
Superman or other super-heroes.
That was the highest
fun as possible.
Then slept a little 'in van
listening to the disc of Queen ...
... "News of the world" and repeating
scaricavo battery of the van.
Capitava often remain on foot
perch? too had heard the Queen.
I do not feel that they have
had a true father.
I never had a father figure
with whom to share things.
It 'hard to keep memories
the first of 7 years ...
... and that was the time
where I lived with him ...
... and it was my pap? ..
I had a mother and a father ...
... and after I lived with
him for a short period ...
... dopodich? si? married
and I have become ...
... one of the things less
important on his list.
If I were in that situation
with Courtney and Frances ...
... I will do all for my whole life,
to stay in touch with Frances ...
... and maintain relations with you ...
... and share things with you ...
... him? only surrendered.
I just want him to know that
I did not pi? nothing against him.
I do not want to talk perch? Not
I have nothing to share with him.
I am sure that the sconvolgerei,
but things are so?
All my peers are interrogarono
at the same time:
"When the cock divorce
my parents? What happens? ...
... are the divorziando
parents of all my friends "
"Something does not go."
For some reason, the way in which
our parents have grown ...
... is not the right way.
They scazzato,
in some way.
They lived in a
imaginary world ...
... then must have
something wrong.
They divorced, had to deny the
oaths, as did my mother ...
... had to start
to drink in 30 years.
And, confused, have ended up scazzare
in educating their children adolescents ...
because ...? not have
understand what they need.
All my friends are
put this question ...
... when they were 7 years ...
... and is not the Children for
ask these things.
But ... was like a
scourge ... a disease.
My story? Equal to 90%
people of my et?
Same problems. They
made the canes to school ...
They are grown in the years
the 'Communist threat' ...
... and all thought that we would
deaths in a nuclear war ...
... and there was always the most violence
in our society? ..
... and the reaction? equal for all.
I do not believe that our
version 'music' for us? ..
... is different from those of the other
groups emerged in the same years.
I do not believe that
we are most 'special' ...
... in having suffered the same damage.
E 'equal.
But we received more interest
perch? our songs are orecchiabili ...
... and remain in the headlines of the people.
In gymnastics, third in average,
I was jumping with the rope ...
... and suddenly I
ceded his back ...
... and I had to
go to the hospital ...
because ...? not respiravo
and seemed to be broken.
It was un'ernia disk ...
... and went from chiropractor ...
... and discovered to have scoleosi.
I should have worn a
bust, but I did not want ...
... and it emerged that playing
guitar had contributed ...
... to increasing scoleosi.
He had done bending
of pi? his back ...
because ...? weight of the guitar
weighed on my left shoulder.
What? Yet
most warped.
I have always had
a pain.
Not me have never
imagined.
Provavo a pain
constant.
Probably in my head ...
... I bartered the pain
back to the stomach.
Once started stomach pain,
were cos? so most acute ...
... I did not pi? thought to
my back for a long time.
I have always believed to have
schizophrenic tendencies ...
because ...? I was always
cos? nervous ...
I had all these nervous habits.
There were riots
compulsive that I had.
Scrocchiarmi fingers,
grattarmi the face,
toccarmi hair,
I had the all.
It was a mixture of my
hatred towards people ...
because ...? did not meet
my expectations ...
... and of being fed to attend
always the same idiots.
Each copy
Exact other.
I read in my face
they do not sopportavo.
It was a personal vendetta,
perch? were cos? 'macho' ...
... and male ...
and stupid ...
I started to realize
that people notavano ...
... my hatred
a lot of people ...
... and my acquaintances took for
granted that not sopportassi ...
... and I was always irritable ...
... and then I started to feel ...
really ... neurotic ...
... paranoid ...
because ...? knew that I could
erupt at any time.
I was seen as the boy who would
probably brought an AK-47 at school ...
... and would have done outside all.
Would it not have been strange ...
... if I had found at least one
boy with her hair extravagant.
There was also
A punk-rocker!
I wanted to 'feel part',
but not the average for teachers.
Not with the boy pi?
People of the school.
I wanted to be with strambi,
but they were 'sub-strambi'.
For Aberdeen, there were ...
strambi ... in the media.
There were the alternative, were
simply 'deformed'.
Fortunately I found
a gay friend ...
... I imped? if you would
kill all the time.
It seems all
knew was gay ...
... but nobody told me ...
or not I realized ...
until ...? there prov?
with me, one evening ....
... and I said to him the theatrical
that I was not gay ...
... but that would be remained
his friend.
After I realized that
I watched people ...
... so yet
most bizarre than usual.
Then they started
bersagliarmi to ...
some boys ...
Gymnastics species.
It felt threatened,
perch? were naked ...
... and I, for them, I was gay.
Then or covered
penalties or beat me.
Or both.
But after I started to feel
proud to be gay ...
... although less.
I liked the conflict.
Exciting.
Why? I almost
found my identity?
I was a strambo
'special'.
Not really punk-rocker
I was looking for, but ...
... at least it was better to be
strambo an average.
Once my mother scopr?
I did the reeds ...
... and prov? various
psychological approaches ...
... for me to stop ...
... but took dell'erba
among the jewels ...
... and I sometimes furtively
it staccavo a small piece ...
... and the rimpiazzavo
with oregano.
Right? Who had a bag
of oregano between jewellery.
One evening invite? Me and my friend
Myer to fumarci a cane ...
... and you knew that it was oregano ...
... but we did not know
who knew ...
... then we tocc? stay
l? fumarci to the oregano.
But not fumavamo never together.
The only other memory
My mother and the reeds ...
... was when I was a parcel
of 'Hard Aberdeen Buds' ...
... scattered on the table ...
... and I sat with a festino
Myer and a couple of friends ...
... and we were making
games with alcohol and reeds ...
... type with a game 'bonghi' ...
... and you sal? about drunk
and odious ...
... and this had with
me, that evening.
Begin 'to
do fessa.
Sal? Up and I fiss? With
chilling look ...
... and stacc? a big
piece of grass and ingoi?
It was foreign-made ...
-- "She has told me
that story ... "
What? Learn.
-- "Th?"
There was a teacher ...
... that students appreciated
with interesting stories.
He taught English ...
... and I wrote stories crazy,
often offensive ...
... and loved her.
I trattenenva
after the lesson ...
... and we talked for hours.
It was strong.
The only other prof. I
liked was to ...
... 'Artistic commercial'
in the first and fourth.
He had me
of great help.
I always utiliazzava
as an example ...
... and always sent my
works of art competitions ...
... in different states ...
... without telling me anything ...
... without my permission ...
... I liked that
type of competition ...
... and then it was behind my shoulders
and after I gave the awards I had won.
My family was sure that
I went to a school of art ...
... but at that time I was cos?
taken from Punk-rock ...
I wanted to play
in a group instead.
I had offered
two scholarships ...
... but I did not have any
intention to accept them.
I had decided
gi? years from the beginning.
-- "And what comport?
This, in the family? "
I have suffered
thrown out.
Not so perch? Did not want to study ...
... rather perch? I was not
doing nothing with my life.
I had ambitions ...
the second ...
My parents ...
... but I had.
I was immersed in music ...
... and trying desperately
to form a group.
They, for? not
saw as important.
Not just taken the guitar
it became so? obsessed ...
... and for me there fissai
cos? many years ...
... every day for
a few hours, in the evening ...
... before you sleep, the guitar
was the only thing did.
I wanted to make Punk-rock
for a long time ...
because ...? I was a subscriber
"Creem Magazine" ...
... then I
I was in the room ...
... to make pretend
Punk-rock sound ...
... or what I was
Punk-rock, guitar.
At the end? Similar.
It 'just noise. Noise
3 agreements made by ...
... and screams ...
I felt that the Punk-rock
could be this.
When I moved once
from Aberdeen to Montesano ...
... which is 30 Km
from Aberdeen ...
... a village
Size-wood ...
... I knew Buzz Osborne
[ndt -- the 'Melvins']...
... whom I pass? ..
... a little 'compilation of
Punk-rock of ...
... on tapes made by him.
I wanted us some
days to assimilate ...
... wanted me pleasure ...
... it was like another world ...
... suddenly felt
stuff from another planet ...
I felt like ...
if speaking ...
... so the most clear and realistic
of the usual texts Rock 'n Roll.
By the end
of the week ...
... I was a 'self-declared
Punk rocker-Journal '...
I cos? Pleased ...
... that I approached the
Punk-rock at that time ...
because ...? I said that those years
I used to grow ...
... and to make
fire my values ...
... and what kind of
person I am.
In reality? become
Punk-rocker ...
... aliment? my
self-esteem ...
because ...? Help me? understand that not
'I had' become a Rock-star ...
... not 'wanted' become
Rock-a star ...
... instead? not 'can'
diventarla ...
because ...? I lack the balls.
So I'm always
conflicting ...
... with these positions ...
... swings yet to not importarmi,
not wanting and not power ...
... still trying to
affermarmi with others.
I knew to do
something special ...
... to have something
to offer ...
... and I knew that I would have had the opportunity?
to show people ...
I could write ...
beautiful songs ...
... or at least contribute
something, musically.
-- "When you
Krist met? "
I remember having
seen in high school ...
... a little 'times ...
... and that it wanted
certainly know.
But I have not ever seen,
if not in meetings.
Partecipava always
somehow "skit" ...
... and it was just a type intelligent,
beautiful and burst.
It was blatant that I
I wanted to form a group ...
... and find people
with which to play ...
... while Krist
did not want.
So I did the demo "Fecal Matter"
with Dale [ndt -- Crover "Melvins"]
trying to
Krist to make you feel ...
... what not
decided never to do ...
... Finch is a day
pass? by me and told me:
"I finally heard
your tape.
Not? Evil.
We are a group. "
It was the hour!
-- "So the group
begin? cos?
You had never done
a jam together? "
When did cover
of Creedence Clearwater ...
... did Jam
in the big house ...
... from Krist in Aberdeen ...
... which was very big.
It was freddissimo
a Met? winter ...
... and in the walls you saw the holes
from which passed the air.
Then I found work ...
... the "Polynesian Resort" ...
... leaned over.
It was a shit.
The hated.
But could not
work more than time ...
because ...? mainly ...
... spazzavo the chimneys of each
Chamber of ...
... and therefore could not
know where I was ...
during my ...
8 hours daily.
Often ...
... no one was using
the fireplace ...
... then I pulivo
some fireplace ...
... correvo in here and l? ..
... and then slept
for a few hours ...
... and watched TV.
Just a beautiful job!
Unfortunately, it
insospettirono ...
and began ...
monitorarmi to ...
... and I beccarono.
-- "Since? Cos?"
-- Th?
I have always been
extremely lazy ...
especially at work.
Not? Work in s?
And 'try to stay
away from other colleagues.
I have always had
a terrible ...
relationship with ...
colleagues.
I do not own
agree with ...
... people in the media.
I give nuisance.
I give the
cos nerves? time ...
I can not ...
to ignore them.
I must face ...
... and tell them
that the hatred ...
... or not
even speak.
For almost all winter ...
... I did not have a place
to live.
Dormivo on
sofas people ...
... or in a box
the veranda of Dale.
Anywhere.
It was ganzo, perch? ..
... was convenient ...
sleep on ...
sofas people ...
because ...? finivo for
buy beer ...
... and that night
bevevamo ...
... and restavo l?
that night ...
... and the day after I was
from another party.
Facevo tour
the houses of all.
After a couple of months for?
I was not the most welcome ...
... and I was in misery.
Dormivo often
under a bridge ...
... and was also one of
winters most coldest weather memories.
A cold bestial.
I remember that walking
all day without goal ...
... and finivo always in the library.
C'ho past
agonize ...
... read ...
... waiting for the
end of the day.
I was proud of me ...
... to be able to survive ...
... without a job.
I was living the life
by Punk-rocker.
Version Aberdeen.
It was pretty easy.
Nothing compared to that
that happens to the children ...
... fleeing in
big cities?
Chiedevo continuously
to my few friends ...
... to move with
me in Seattle.
I wanted to go
in Seattle ...
because ...?? there was life.
But none
wanted to go ...
... and alone
I was afraid.
I was in poverty?
pi? total ...
... always somewhere
small and sudicio.
For? Was fun.
I was a bachelor
for the first time.
All alone.
-- "Your mother said that you were happy
when you trasferisti in that place. "
Well, perch? Had
a group.
I felt independent.
I remember ...
... that years ago ...
... I asked Eric Shilinger:
"How could success
have a group ...
... if incrociasse the 'Black
Sabbath 'with' Beatles'?
What would be?
I want to do
all types of music.
I want to do a little '
such as Led Zeppelin ...
... but move from
Punk-rock extreme ...
the songs ...
insulse. "
"It seems to me impossible ...
because ...? nobody would understand
? the same group. "
At that point understood that
We had a unique style.
I do not think that we were
quite original.
I asked
many people ...
... and we thought often.
-- "E 'interesting perch? ..
many people ...
to which I ask ...
... 'Not surprisingly Kurt in
that period ?'...
meet ... 'I Not a fregava
cock of what we thought the other '. "
No. We certainly thought that
that people would have thought ...
... my music ...
because ...? knew that ...
... in order to do
ci? I wanted ...
I had to get ...
a base of fans.
I would not have used
these terms at the time.
I do not understand how
does the music ...
... and as you pull
on the public.
We began to do
what seemed to us ...
... at all costs ...
... and there fregava a
cock if not liked ...
... even if trying to
accontentarli beginning ...
... to see what
happened.
Oh, I just mentioned
our first concert.
It was at a friend's house
of Erin, in the woods.
What fun!
They were all so?
afraid of us ...
... who hid
by us in the kitchen.
We had taken all
the rest of the house.
There were 50 toxic ...
... hidden in
cooking ...
because ...? did
cos? much noise ...
cos we were ...?
drunk ...
... Dolly and Tracy [?]
pomiciavano ...
... and I saltavo above the table
and I accarezzavano.
We are aware ridiculous.
Obviously, by
late in the evening ...
... most of the
girls present ...
... were convinced their
engaged in stonfarci ...
"It 'time to make the suitcases
and disappear, boys! "
Divenni obsessed
by turtles ...
... and bought 5 or 6 ...
... and put in a bathtub
bath in the living room.
They are very docile.
Do not move, not
show feelings.
I cos? .. inanimate.
I'm the idea most stupid for
a pet.
They are the exact
Unlike dogs.
Do not hate dogs.
They try too
get pleasure ...
... and you can do everything.
I like cats and animals
that require attention.
Of which you must
take care ...
... and that in return have a
attitude of 'vaffanculo'.
'They are locked in a
bathtub, I'm from disgusting ...
... you hate and I
esibir? for you '.
Those shells are not
of great help.
They are sensitive and if there
peaks feel pain.
Not? That much protection
one imagines that one.
They can fall back
break and die.
I always liked
go to Olympia ...
because ...? was a
wave of culture.
There was a
real 'scene'.
Something unique ...
... that could not be
find elsewhere in the United States.
For three years I was gone
a lot of a school ...
... on weekends
to see groups ...
... and stay with
friends.
I began to go out with
this girl, Tracy ...
... and we put together ...
... and we moved
along with Olympia.
I found there
in this town ..
... with all the attention
to art.
I lived for the first time
in a town with culture.
It was an experience
magnificent.
I felt relieved.
Everyone seemed to share
the same ideals ...
... and the same reasons.
It was a community?
of 'strambi'.
Students
were outcasts ...
... even from the world
Punk-rock of ...
... but listened
strange stuff ...
... and were influenced
from 'The Shaggs' ...
... and the 'Velvet Underground' ...
... and the 'Garage Rock'.
I had to thank
the 'K Records' ...
... and new music
I was introduced ...
... as the 'Vaselines' ...
... and a lot of European music,
especially British ...
... as the 'Young
Marble Giants' ...
... and the 'Clean axe' [?].
I did accorgermi ...
... which were years ...
... not ripensavo
to my childhood.
I had tried
to remove it.
I did reconsider and
draw good memories.
Reminders of innocence.
So I made tatuare
the symbol of 'K Records' ...
... to remember
childcare.
To remember
remain child.
It was become a
utopian place ...
... where all
scopavano you ...
... and there were events
improvised ...
... where groups played
stranissimi in places ...
... come on the scales of
corridor of a building ...
... or somehow
alley.
Everything was oriented
towards the 'community'.
Everybody gave a
hand with each other ...
... and played with everyone
groups of the other.
Their goal is not
was the success ...
... or do disks ...
... or go to
tour.
They were satisfied if
played between them.
Inventavano groups ...
... which were not
real groups.
They were jam
with friends.
But I'm not there integravo
well with them ...
because ...?
tuttosommato ...
... were boring.
One of the things fiche ...
... type bohemienne
Olympia ...
... was that there were festivals ...
... where none
drank or drogava ...
but took ...
the coffee? ..
... and a rose
and esibiva.
Andavo to
these festivities ...
... and not happening
nothing.
All l? Seating ...
... hear the music ...
... while I optavo for
ascoltarmela alone.
I lived in my world
art imaginary ...
... in Aberdeen ...
... and I did the same
to Olympia.
Not? That a
aimed at Olympia ...
... I was blossomed and had begun
to attend the rounds ...
... and to participate in
cultural life ...
... but traevo benificio ...
standomene anyway ...
on the sidelines.
Restai a Monaco.
I have always
cos been?
Still Closed
at home.
Passavo week
without leaving home.
-- "What do you
Tracy thought ...
... this your
closure from the world ...
... without doing anything? "
There has never
been conflicts between us ...
because ...? knew that I would be
was equally happy ...
... a car or live in
in a sub-step.
The few times that propose
I cercassi a job ...
... rispondevo:
'Now I go ...
... and I'm going
in the car. '
And then replied: 'No, it should be
well. It is well at home. '
He had just one
maternal character.
He had to take
care of things and people.
It was in four ...
... to spend
on me.
Andavamo shops ...
... and if there was something
I wanted ...
... and I did not have the money ...
... I would have preferred
not take it ...
... but she took and the
then taking me out to dinner.
It was thick.
This me
feel guilty ...
because ...? ate
often outside.
I was always looking for
someone who was' artistic '...
... with whom I can share
things' artistic '...
... and with you
was impossible.
So, together,
did ...
... things to
husband and wife.
Activities? Typical of torque
American Media ...
... as shopping,
... and eat.
I had a strange ... attraction ...
Magnetic ... for flies.
The flies attracted me.
I svegliavo the morning ...
... and these flies me
kept awake for hours.
Ronzavano and I
rimbalzavano on the face.
I attacked ...
... continuously and
? always been so?
In summer, once,
while living with Tracy ...
every morning ...
I bombardavano ...
... and decided to attack
moschicida paper ...
... but it bought $ 20 ...
... and are $ .50 each.
So I had, type,
40 hung above the bed.
Anywhere.
And the apartment
was great.
Charter moschicida everywhere.
He is very Death-rock ...
... have all these
flies death hung.
I have always furnished
my house with gusto.
I was not the type to be put
20 crucifixes on the wall.
It was always a
pair, but those beautiful.
I did a lot of artistic stuff
at that time ...
how to take ...
models of skeletons ...
... and ricoprirli
clay ...
... making them become
small dolls.
Then the vestivo.
Scioglievo candles and we
I did scenes of nativit?
Roba ridiculous.
Copiai a lot
cassette ...
... and the spedii to all labels
I would think ...
... with small gifts inside ...
... or letters.
Condoms used ...
... with ants inside.
Formichine plastic.
Coriandoli.
-- "This was for
find a label ... "
Th?
I have sent to
'Touch and Go' ...
... a 'SST' ...
... to 'Alternative
Tentacles'.
At all.
A 'Touch and Go' will
avr? send 20.
It was the label that
I wanted most of all ...
because ...? were the
my favorite groups.
I thought that
we were like ...
... groups as
'Scratch Acid' ...
... and 'Big Black' ...
... and the 'Butthole
Surfers'.
Three of my
Favourite groups.
At that time the Hardcore
had died ...
... was quite the
Speed-metal.
Odiavo that shit.
And the only solution ...
... was to do stuff cheerful or new-wave
as did at the beginning.
The 'Scratch Acid' I
cos liked? time ...
... was perch? their songs were
a pop and very simple ...
... you took us ...
... as a piece of 'Aerosmith',
scombussolato but ...
and ...? why did.
What I wanted to do.
I had developed Krist
a hatred for Seattle ...
... and for the people of Seattle ...
... simply ... for our
need ... of 'not belonging'.
There were never
felt part of something ...
... and suddenly be accepted
in a 'scene' ...
... or one company? would not be
normal state, for us.
So we in costruivamo
head these things ...
... and we talked always
evil in Seattle.
It was cos? Degrading
be seen ...
... as a guy Aberdeen
that played rock ...
... and that he did not know
even the 'wipers'.
Then they listened
7 years alone!
The 'scene'? Was not intense
as we expected ...
... or we wanted it to be.
They are not grown in Seattle
and not the 'High-bourgeois'.
I fought against this
thing at all times.
People were
good with us ...
... but not ammettevamo.
We have known Jonathan
[ndt -- Poneman] of 'Sub Pop' in a bar ...
... and Krist was drunk
by morning.
We met at 23:00 and
Krist was drinking by 8:00.
It was sbronzo and fradicio
cos? aggressive ...
... which was impossible to speak
business with Jonathan ...
because ...? Krist it was aimed
and pull rutti ...
... and ran shooting to scream
something to customers in the bar.
"What you have to look cock!"
With his vociona.
He realised ridiculous.
It was buffissimo.
One of the things most funny
that I have ever seen.
Jonathan was ready
to get up and leave.
I do not recall even if
we found an agreement, that day.
Krist was too
disruptive.
Do not made anything.
I believe that the influence of 'Sub Pop'
and what we tried to do ...
... we did think about
what to do ourselves.
Acoltavo the individual
of 'Mudhoney' ...
... and stuff of that kind.
I think we influenz? In
'strip' our style ...
... and write a pop song.
We had pop songs.
There were many things
we wanted to do ...
... we wanted to experiment
and vary ...
... with the hard 'Bleach' ...
... but there was cos? so
pressure from Sub Pop ...
... which was not fig ...
... do if you were a pop
Punk-rock group ...
... and I wanted to mix
the two things.
But I was intimidated ...
by the possible ...
reaction of the public ...
... if I had done
the stuff a little 'pop.
I had done so? Load ...
... philosophy bohemienne
musical revolution ...
... Having lived in Olympia ...
... that I started to
prove resentment.
I wanted that people do not
cos take? cock seriously.
All seem in
dell'Utopia search ...
in the scene ...
Underground ...
... but there are so?
many factions ...
... that if we do not
can unirne ...
... even a couple ...
... and to make them stop
bisticciare on each smallness ...
on which no
I disagree ...
... then as cock claim
to have an effect on the masses?
Well, my group was
in a situation ...
... in which we expected that combattesse
in a revolutionary ...
... against the machine
of corporate.
And I thought:
"How dare cock a dispute
cos under pressure? "
E 'stupid.
-- "Tell more about that when sapesti
gave 'Love Buzz' on the radio ...
... and that while expecting guidavi
that the mandassero ...
... and finally you have approached ...
... and you have called the station,
you requested the song ...
... and you had to wait in
machine that mandassero ...
because ...? were for
losing the signal. "
S? I remember.
-- "As was to hear
Your piece on the radio? "
Fantastic.
I did not believe that would be
never arrived at that point.
I thought I had a group
and that would have done a demo.
But my feeling
piece on the radio ...
... was more than what was wondering.
Great.
It was like having success
immediate and fame ...
... well beyond my hopes ...
... or my voluntary?
But at that level ...
... once had a taste,
I thought it was ganzo ...
... and that I wanted to hear ...
... My other recordings on the radio.
Managing to pay the rent ...
... with this group
would have been wonderful.
We were poor.
Prendevamo $ 30 a night ...
... if played.
But we saw for
the first time the U.S. ...
... and we were a group ...
... and guadagnavamo enough
to survive.
It was fantastic.
Great.
Libert? Total.
I did not believe that there would be
could go better than what?
The rest of my life
would have been playing ...
... and turn for the premises ...
... and interview any time
my pieces on the radio ...
... and live in a
apartment.
-- "After a short called by
all these corporate brands ...
... and you were served and
revered by all. "
We were pretty good ...
... with the labels and we
brought to dinner ...
... two, three times.
It was that
we wanted.
I remember
went to Capital ...
because ...? was
cos? disgusting ...
... who finished for
go ...
... met? meeting.
There was enough of a taste
their radio programmer.
A type Texan.
It seemed ready to
stonfare someone.
God, that fear.
He asked me:
"Well. That
Song 'Polly' ...
... you're beating,
the stronza? "
I replied:
"Absolutely."
Then came two other big
radio programmers ...
... and said: "We
Tickets for the Lakers! "
It lifted all in
feet to rejoice.
Capimmo that was not
the tag for us.
"Friend ... let us not kid ourselves.
We want to become the star! "
To tell the truth? That
we wanted to hear ...
because ...? not at that point
believed to have opportunity?
A band almost Alternatively,
shit from anybody.
Pensammo the idea of
'have an impact' ...
... from commercial ...
... and did not appear ...
... what? ..
As unreal ...
a year earlier.
All that quell'inverno
I passed along and Dave ...
... in that small apartment ...
... was the period pi?
depressing of those years.
It was cos? Fottutamente
small and dirty ...
... and cold and gray.
Every cock
day ...
I almost ...
the madness.
I do not reggevo.
I was cos? Bored ...
... and cos? poor.
There were months that we had
signed with 'Geffen' ...
... and we did not have a penny.
We had to commit
the amplifier and TV ...
... just to have the money to
buy the Corn Dogs.
He was having stranissimo
signed with this ...
corporation ...
multi-milionaria ...
and be ...
completely green.
I was tired of
live in Olympia ...
... without anything
to be done.
The place had not
pi? nothing to offer me.
I need to relocate.
Of go to Seattle.
Usavo much heroin.
-- "What mean by 'much'?"
Mah once ...
per week.
I do not know
none.
Once
I called Krist ...
... as a fact and I told him
I drogavo ...
and ...?
worried.
He and I Shelley
drew ...
... to tell me what
I love ...
... and who do not want
I droghi.
It 'been a
nice gesture.
My stomach for?
was getting worse.
I noticed during n'ero
American tour ...
They are heartburn, nausea ...
... the worst sore
stomach imaginable ...
and it hurts.
I feel a heart in
stomach and suffer.
I feel that?
inflamed in a region.
Towards Met?
meal ...
... when the food arrives
Dov '? inflamed ...
... begin the pain.
Why? Food us
is laying above.
Burn.
I managed to ...
go forward.
It happens often
while I eat ...
... that I suffer a lot
but no one notices ...
because ...? I
broke to complain.
In tour happens
cos? often ...
because ...? I have no choice
not me my facts ...
... while others have no idea that
I am suffering like a dog.
Towards Met? ..
... the European tour ...
... remember ...
... having said that I would not have pi? toured
until? not risolvevo this thing.
I wanted to kill,
spararmi head ...
... from what
I had stew.
I can not
cos live?
I was
become ...
... a schizzato
neurotic.
I was destroyed
psychologically ...
... and I
mental problems ...
because ...? had pain
Chronic daily.
-- "When he was,
this? "
For the last
5 years.
I arrived
in point ...
... in recent
two tour ...
... I did not know how I would have
never done so to make others.
But ... since I started
drogarmi I had the most pain.
-- "How did you know
Courtney? "
I have known both
time ago in Portland ...
... at one of our concerts.
It was a quick meeting.
The said a sticker ...
parlammo ... and a little '.
I seemed, type,
Nancy Spungen.
The resembling.
It seemed a classic
pupa Punk-rock.
I felt a little '
attracted to you ...
... I wanted to sweep
that night ...
but ... and? forth.
I wanted only ...
... a little 'more than emotion
in my life.
I had never
no known ...
... what? jerk
and charismatic.
She is a magnet for
exciting events.
Although passeggiavamo
in the street together ...
spuntava someone who ...
assaliva us with a knife.
Without reason ...
... just because? seems
that type of person ...
... that attracts these things.
I felt a rebel ...
because ...? there
went around ...
... to buy drugs ...
... a sweep against a wall ...
... and stuff of that kind.
Facevamo rows in public,
both for the sake of it.
Both perch? Entire people of a
table if it was mogia to eat.
It was so
I divertivo ...
... and it was fantastic interpret
this role ...
... with a person who suddenly
rose up ...
... and destroyed a
glass on the table ...
... and I urlava against ...
... and I buttava on earth.
Really fun.
Krist is the kind that makes things
but in return wants the glory.
It must take the reins.
It must receive
all the attention.
I do not? Permit
be nice ...
... at his own level.
I do not ever see
my humor ...
... when I'm with him.
This perch? Do everything
not to react if it happens.
I do not think I have ever
did laugh out loud ...
... and I know that it is capable
to make people laugh.
Courtney do the
always laughing ...
... and I feel comfortable
in being sympathetic with you ...
... and with Dave and other friends.
But with Krist c '? Some
strange barrier that separates us.
We have always had
enough respect ...
... to understand ...
... what the ferisca
feelings of others ...
... and what are the defects
personalit? both ...
... that give us discomfort in
so that we do not quarrel.
We have not ever
offended one another ...
... not perch? us
cos we want? well ...
... but both see
the other as hypocritical ...
... with elements
that disprezziamo.
For the good of the group,
does not make sense.
Once you are
the money arrived ...
... I understand what I was pi?
under pressure from the other ...
... and I accruing
Various' of pi?
I am the singer and
Articles are on me.
I have to suffer
all the pressure.
And then I must also deal
composition of the pieces ...
... and I am also good if the
others are recognized ...
... but I expect at least one
Financial greater recognition.
This was a big
... problem with him and Dave.
Credevano honestly
to earn ...
... a credit equal to mine.
I stronzate.
Stronzate totals.
I was ready to dissolve the group for
this thing ... we do not believe.
Often it is a
nihilistic idiot ...
fottutamente sarcastic ...
... and others are
very vulnerable ...
... and sincere.
And? Cos? I
are the songs.
It 'a mixture of these things.
And? Cos? That are many
people of my et?
A minute
sarcastici are ...
... and another
are apprensivi.
They are still with the Monitor
things that I gave annoyance years ago.
-- "I'm not necessarily
personal things ...
... but also rapes,
violence ... "
S? I am posted
everything.
So all
these songs ...
... speak of my battles against
things that make me posted.
And is the theme of the album.
Of all my albums.
They say all the
same thing.
What I have this
conflict ...
... between good and evil ...
... man and woman ...
... people who do things cruel
to other people without reason.
And I want them
beat blooded.
Here's the point.
The only thing I can do, instead,
? scream into a microphone.
Once I read
an article about me:
"Cazzo, qu? Seem ...
... a depressed person ...
... and emotional,
sudden changes in mood. "
And the author said to me:
"But the six."
And I:
"No. I do not have!
I like fun,
every so often. "
And 'all that I see as
an emotional disaster.
Like a dark star.
A negative.
People I
always accuse ...
... to be
bad mood ...
and ask me:
"What?"
And I have
absolutely nothing.
I'm not GI?
I arrived
to the point that ...
dovermi look ...
in the mirror ...
... and try to understand
cos'? that sees people.
I thought, "Maybe I should
shave the eyebrows.
It might help. "
Me asking
continuously.
I went
in a room ...
... a couple of
months ago ...
... and a boy, cos?
asked me:
"Christ, Kurt, but perch? Seems
you are always angry? "
"I'm not
angry!
I am happy now.
Piece of shit! "
'C'? Something wrong?
Are you sad? '
Many people believe that
if the watch and not sorrido ...
... I mean
run balls.
I effort to show
I'm enjoying.
Generally I always fun, and
are almost never depressed.
And 'most easy cos?
Opiates me
always procured ...
that security ...
bramavo that ...
... in which no hated
cos? both people.
I could try
of affection for them ...
... or at least look
beyond the superficialit? ..
... of their personalit? ..
... and think about them
as real people.
Maybe had
problems of childhood ...
or ...? their environment
that makes them so?
In short, in order to appease the animosit?
that nutrivo towards the people.
I needed
to do so ...
because ...? I was tired of
cos hate? both the people ...
... and to be always so?
Critical against them.
I know it seems that I defend
my use of drugs.
Sounds like
an excuse.
I must make a
drug-free period ...
... if only to see things
from a point of view better.
In recent months I was
doing stuff for $ 400 per day ...
... and I was notice of
odd in my memory ...
... and that sooner or later it
would have affected my health.
But the truth? That I was pi?
in flesh and healthy then ...
... that now.
I said immediately that
I do not pentivo.
I do not repent.
This perch? Used the
as a means ...
... as an anti-dolorifico.
To rid the pain.
And 'reason
main.
And in that sense
I do not repent.
But, any person who
becomes dependent on drugs ...
... finir? for
fottersi life.
Unless it takes a year,
we want two.
And 'cos? Obvious.
I have seen succeed
all those who we fall.
It 'a classic.
'The drugs are
evil and you fotteranno. '
I knew that I would have
stopped sooner or later ...
... and marry and
have a daughter ...
... is a very good
incentive.
But many do not
ce have.
Then a rich
Rock-star milionaria ...
... and I both
be considered.
I have a lot of reasons
for not drogarmi ...
... but many people who will
influenced by my drogarmi ...
... will be people with a job
normal that already? make fatigue.
-- "It seems you should say that goes
well if you droghi you ... "
I know, in fact.
And 'why
I have to move forward.
I say that sooner or later ...
... if I had continued
drogarmi to ...
... I would have lost everything.
-- "What attracts you to these
models' transparent '? "
I do not like puzzles, but
I like the idea that unmount them.
I fascinate the
casings and bodies.
How it works.
Often spoiling.
But? Difficult to think
that a person ...
... can enter stuff harmful
as drugs and alcohol in his system ...
... and that the body
the bear.
For a while '.
But that little '?
astounding.
God, it has been incredible.
One of the things
most amazing.
Especially perch? ..
... was not a photo,
was a video ...
... and we saw
move.
It was the first time that we heard
it was a living creature.
Incredible. We saw
the heart beating.
And the first thing that has
done with your hands ...
...? been the greeting
metal with horns ...
... waving his arm.
If n '? Also noticed
the pediatrician ...
... and us: "What? sign
of the devil, Doctor. "
Some days I feel
most paranoid than usual ...
... but now what? born
Frances are not pi?
Yes? Simplified everything ...
... in recent years ...
... since I real
relations of friendship ...
... with real friends ...
... with the group ever
most famous ...
... and then find a person
I love has solved many problems.
It 'very exciting, perch?
what I always wanted.
E '... ideal.
It is better to me,
probably ...
because ...? I find myself in a situation
most stable than Courtney.
Find many difficulties in
find confidence in herself ...
because ...? his character?
been very targeted.
She and her group are
cos? under examination.
It should bring out
a disc incredible ...
... only to be
considered decent.
I believe that his songs
are really good ...
but ...? very difficult
convince you of this.
-- "I think a little '
people ask ...
... why deals
affairs of her husband. "
Why? I am too
lazy to occuparmene.
Both would bend and
put me in culo, from them.
And 'I forget
always things ...
... and c '? people
we campaign ...
... and I exploits.
For me to do something
from management ...
... must? ask
20 times.
And we bring,
type, 4 months.
At the end Courntey them
calls and cries in the face.
Her cries the
remain in the head.
Riattaccano and
think 'What whore'.
But the thing
is done.
E 'for the good
of our children ...
... make sure that
have money ...
... for the next
10 years.
But we do
progress.
I'm learning from her.
But often jumps
suffered the conclusions ...
and ...? his
weakness.
I do not like not come
taken quite seriously.
And 'the type of person
seems selfish and bad ...
... but with these things?
very most loving me.
If we think or me
is recalled ...
... then do it.
But you? Always to do things for
others, to buy gifts.
And? Always
me compliments.
It 'something
fantastic.
-- "People reads various stories
on 'Vanity Fair' or 'Copycat' ...
... but nobody thinks effect on
persons to whom is happening. "
Of course. We are cock of
characters in the comics.
Mica we have
fottuti sentiments us.
And the people who
think this ...
... can the succhiarmi
cock and give me $ 10 ...
... for my disc.
Li willingly take,
their money.
One thing ...
... I did not
never understood ...
...? that the classic response ...
... a celebrit?
who complains?
"Have you wanted a bicycle?
Now pedal. "
And 'us? That
expect.
Six domain
public ...
... and everyone has the right to
know everything about you.
No journalist has a cock of
right to ask me if I drogo.
I am not their cocks.
If they want to ask the
music and of how I write ...
... we will.
Obviously also the
? related to staff ...
... but not as
people believe.
I have always
After harassed ...
... and I disagree
with those who say:
"Everyone has a right to know."
I have the right to change
that perception.
I have the right to change the way in
where people think to celebrit?
It should be changed.
Should be treated as human beings
and respected in matters private.
As believe that we can take
if we are ever attacked cos?
They believe that we always scioglieremo
fault of our actions.
But it would be only a 'reaction' to that
that we are cock of the press.
-- "Have you ever thought
to sciogliervi for this? "
In continuation.
This year I left
the group 10 times.
Officially.
E 'which are to the point that not
I cos? both the group ...
... to be affected most
these consequences.
Moreover, the attacks are
all against Courtney and me.
Krist and Dave should not
letting a cock to do.
The other day he Krist
bed in 'Melody Maker' ...
... that would be involved
a reading of poems ...
... in England.
And? Monitor.
"How dare!"
And I: "God, Krist ...
... at least not you have defined
a fucking heroin ...
... who kills her newborn ...
... or forget in a taxi! "
People there smerdano
continuously.
They want dirt and
telling lies about us.
I do not understand.
I never tried throughout my
life to do something scandalous.
I do peace.
I want picchiarli ...
to death.
I am a firm supporter
revenge.
C 'is a time and a
place for violence ...
... in every situation.
Obviously I very much
to lose, now ...
... therefore not potr? do so.
But I have everything else
of my life.
I do not want to gain influence over
in my family.
If ever I trover? Into misery
and avr? lost my family ...
... if I find myself in front
the cleft face.
I have always been able to
vendicarmi against those who break me.
They are the life form pi?
that there is ruthless.
Journalists.
Think of heads cock
menefreghiste and evil.
The people most cruel that
I have ever known.
They are disgusting.
I have no respect
for journalists.
Shit.
-- "Forgive me."
But you also do
other things in life.
Try to find
the story inside ...
... without inventarci
round of lies.
They are the ones
persons referred talking about.
Guardacaso,
are 99%.
Anything we do ...
... as
live clean ...
not overcome ...
live this thing.
Why? There are
too many cock of enemies ...
... and we threaten
too many people.
We have offended
too many people.
Everyone wants
see us die.
And maybe andr? Forward, to face them,
of those pieces of shit.
They GI? Valicato ...
... the limit most offensive, which
? attack my family.
And I could go
forward for years ...
... but there will be? a time when
riuscir not the most to manage it.
When my daughter will? Enough
great to understand what's happening.
Th? Now ...
... maybe in 12 years legger?
old magazines ...
... and ask? "It 'true that there
drogavate when I was a newborn? "
Sar? Lasts convince ...
... with all things
that are not true.
I can not see me between 10 years ...
... to fight still in
this stupid battle.
At that hour vorr? Stand
produce disks alone ...
... under different names.
Why? Not potr most common to find
pleasure, at that point.
The moment the most beautiful of a band? Stage
the first to become really famous.
I would like to be a band
that does this every two years.
-- "Take a step back
whenever explodes? "
Yes, cock.
The best memories I have of this
are before the group of 'Nevermind'.
It was a fun.
Without that I want
? become a job.
What I like it or not.
It 'something that I love
and would always do ...
... but honestly ...
... I do not like pi?
As once ...
when tried ...
every night ...
Imagine ...
as it was.
Not the most as
in the first two years.
Playing before a
handful of people.
Load a van and
go to a concert Rock.
Playing.
That privilege can not?
play after 10 years.
Sometimes,
I fall asleep ...
... when I'm tired of
persons or bored ...
... if they are immersed in a group
of people and I do not want to be ...
... type in the back-stage ...
... or during the tour,
in general.
I sleep all day.
Prefer to be in a coma.
I would like to wake up
on stage and playing ...
... and then tornarmene
in my own little world.
-- "Based on the assumption that
everything on stage is working ...
... and you're playing by God and
everything is going to 100% ...
... what you pass
for the head?
Are you happy? "
It 'a mixture of all
emotions that I have ever tried.
And 'everything. Rabies ...
Death ... and
bliss absolute.
Happy as when I was a
child without concerns ...
that pull the stones
the cops.
And 'everything.
Every song ...
... I feel differently.
And the energy that I
transmit the public.
Often I'm playing
thinking to another ...
... and, lifting her gaze
Public
... I notice that are
really enjoying.
And I
makes happy.
-- "Do you believe that this group durer?
until the next decade? "
I do not ...
... but it could.
It depends
everything ...
... because they are
good songs.
I was surprised ...
to find ...
lately ...
... to work as
a real unit?
We even
wrote a piece 'together' ...
and ...? coming
not bad.
Typically me
occupavo it myself.
But I do not know how much I
can still do ...
... with Dave, Krist and sounds
of my voice and guitar.
I would like time ...
... play with
other people.
But? Almost impossible to find
people with whom go in favour ...
... and people ...
the musically ...
think like me.
And 'why? Cos?
easy to play with Courtney.
Whenever
improvvisiamo ...
... write a
great song.
E 'incredible ...
because ...? she is a person
which takes the command ...
... and is not afraid of ...
... be the boss.
And when you have two
leaders together ...
... everything worked well.
How I wish I could play
with other people ...
... and create something new.
I'd prefer that to
remain in Nirvana.
It 'sad to think what will?
the state of Rock 'n' Roll ...
... between 20 years.
I feel that when the Rock will?
esploder dead? the whole world.
And? Gi? Cos?
Fried and re-fried ...
... copied ...
... what? barely alive
GI? now.
E 'disgusting.
For the children of today are not interested in
pi? because once, the Rock.
As the latest
generations.
Now? Become only a
declaration of fashion and identity? ..
... that children use to sweep
and have a social life.
And at this point, I do not see really
as the music could most ..
... have a
for a teenager.
Useranno
sounds and tones ...
... in their machines
in reality? virtual ...
... in order to receive
the same emotions.
And then go to a party.
There Sar? Machinery
in reality? virtual ...
... with a lot of headphones.
And potr? Talk to the people
while listening to this machine ...
... and then go to room
and fuck and drink ...
... but I believe above all that
reality? virtual sar? a drug.
The technology we arriver?
And there are toxic-dependent
from reality? virtual.
Li will find
dead on the sofa ...
... for 'overdose'.
Death in general or
death by overdose?
-- "In general."
E 'whole life
I expect to death ...
... as any
normal person.
I thought
cos? often ...
... to kill for
stomach pain ...
... that I do not fregava
a cock to die.
I would be fired
in the head.
Both true risk
die for the drugs.
-- "E 'sad your story?"
No.
Not really.
There '? Nothing
incredible ...
... or new,
if for that.
No. I do not?
They are the product of
un'America flawed.
Think about what could have been
be worse my life ...
... if I had grown up in another place,
perhaps in economic crisis.
There are endless things worse than a
Divorce can happen to you.
I only ...
bramato and suffered for a
something that I could not have:
a family.
A solid
Unit? family.
After a long time,
I am well.
I'm happy to share
this with similar cases.
All in all,? Sad that
two people can not ...
... if they decide to
marry and make children ...
... at least get along.
I wonder ...
... that persons
think they love ...
... can not
Nor ...
... do pretend, or at least have
enough respect for the children ...
... to talk to the few
Sometimes you meet ...
... where they
take the children on the other.
-- "Kurt?"
S?
-- "You can come up?
The then give a
po 'the bottle? "
S?
"You'll enjoy it
forget. "
Ok.
So? Sad.
But there is a story my
more than that of another.
-- "Are you a Martian?"
I want to believe it.
-- "Seems like
one of quesi so. "
S? ? true.
-- "Well ... words ...
... good luck ... etc.
... and thanks from the depths of my heart.
I say seriously. It 'been wonderful.
We feel soon, then. "
Okay.
-- "Hello."
Hello Michael.
-- "Hello Kurt."
The interviews are Movie
occurred between December 1992
and March 1993.
Almost all took place
between midnight and dawn to house
Kurt Cobain in Seattle, Washington.
One year after the last
of these interviews
Kurt Cobain is? Suicide.