FOR SALE
My voice was never that deep
at age three.
My kindergarten teacher Rigmor says
kids mature faster today.
I'm so tired of Rigmor!
Rigmor says
you're tired of yourself.
But I'm wonderfuI!
Why would I be tired of myself?
Very funny!
You never laugh at anything funny.
Rigmor says that laughter
is a sign of instability.
You're one twisted kid, Bud.
And Rigmor is a crown idiot.
Good morning, my lovely architect!
Sweet dreams?
I dreamt that I got to
design a house by myself!
How can you dream about
something that boring?
- Rigmor says...
- Shut up, Bud!
I agree!
"Rigmor says blah-blah-blah. "
- It's time for a newkindergarten.
- Excellent idea.
- Good morning, my conservative son.
- Get thee hence, laborer!
Get thee hence, satanic rocker!
Were it up to me, there'd be more
police on the streets. To arrest you!
Rigmor!
- What is important, children?
- Your inner self. Your inner self.
Morning, Gunnar.
Kurt!
Is it really necessary
with such rough language, boys?
Can't we all just get along?
What do you think about cancelling
the forklift race this year?
- What do you mean?
- The mood here is already aggressive.
We don't need any more competition.
Let's all hug!
The race is on, Gunnar!
And I intend to crush everyone,
as usuaI!
Alrighty then!
Let's get back to work, boys.
Yes!
You motherfucker!
Is that language necessary?
KURT TURNS EVIL
Pancakes again?
Why can't we have canapes and wine?
This is forklift-driver food.
Four out of five here
are not forklift drivers.
And four out of five here will
never become Young Conservatives.
Have you had a nice architect day?
What is this?
- Nothing.
- It's a lovely forklift garage!
It's a doghouse! No one sees my true
talent. I want to drawbigger things.
Size doesn't matter.
Except when it comes to forklifts.
Sorry!
CarefuI, you Polish idiot!
You could have ruined my statue!
Hi there!
Dr. Petter.
I'm your newneighbor.
You practically ruined our house!
Not much of a house.
At least not for a doctor.
- Perhaps you aren't doctors?
- Rigmor says all people are equaI.
Here's money for repairs.
There's more where that came from.
You think you can ruin our house
and buy your way out?
- Yup.
- We'll see about that!
What a charming doghouse!
Are you an architect?
Architect is such a big word.
But yes, I suppose I am.
I love architects.
Simply love them!
- Do you love forklifts?
- Nope. Talk to you later.
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
What are you doing?!
- What an exciting, delightfuI man.
- DelightfuI?
- He destroyed our house!
- But he paid for the damages.
He has a newhouse.
He probably needs an architect.
Can we buy a car like Dr. Petter's?
I don't want
some stupid doctor's car!
We couldn't afford it anyway.
Because Fat Helena eats too much!
A new car? That's the
stupidest thing I've ever heard.
- What do you say, Bud?
- Rigmor says to love what you have.
What was that?
What is he doing over there?
- He's blasting out his newpooI.
- How do you know?.
- Because I'm drawing it!
- Traitor! Quisling!
He pays well.
And we need the money.
"We need the money. "
Jesus Christ!
Dinner is served!
I'm eating at Dr. Petter's tonight.
Hope you don't mind.
He's inaugurating his newbarbecue.
Have a steak!
Hi!
I'm riding with Dr. Petter today.
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
Come on, Kurt!
Dr. Petter's food tastes like shit
compared to this!
Don't talk like that about his food.
He's my client, after all.
Can't we get a private chef?
Dr. Petter's getting one tomorrow.
- What's happening tomorrow?.
- He's inaugurating his newpooI.
Didn't I mention that?
Doctors and architects are coming.
Maybe even the prime minister!
- I'm not going.
- Why not?
I plan on arranging
my own pooI party.
I may have forgotten to invite you.
I've been so busy.
- But we don't have a pooI.
- That's what you think!
Howunfortunate that
our two parties happened to clash.
- What a bummer!
- Look at all those exciting guests!
Doctors and architects...
Fortunately we prefer being here,
the whole family.
- Almost the whole family.
- They're talking about my pooI!
That guy's mouth
looks like a butthole!
What?
Are you going to talk to them?
Maybe just a little.
But I'll come to your party later.
Are you enjoying the party, Bud?
Rigmor says having fun...
...is overrated.
- I understand if you want to go.
- Maybe just a short visit?
Go ahead, Bud.
Lobster?
Hope you're having fun,
even though you don't fit in.
Look, there's the prime minister!
I knowher, you don't.
Hi, prime minister!
Huge breasts!
Thank you. I'm nice and popular,
so everything's great.
No shrimp during the campaign!
Spoiled shrimp makes her sick.
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
I hear you're a forklift driver.
I love driving my forklift.
Always have.
- But it isn't very important.
- Huh?
It can't be as important
as certain other jobs.
- Like what?
- Like my job. I'm a doctor.
I make sure people stay healthy.
Imagine if no one was healthy!
That would be bad.
But forklifts are important too.
- Do you have a pager?
- What's that?
Kurt doesn't knowwhat a pager is!
A pager is something
all doctors have.
When it beeps, we rush
to the hospitaI and save someone.
- I don't have a pager.
- No, I bet you don't.
I am a doctor, and I am...
Wonderful Copenhagen!
I just love doctors! Dr. Petter
knows so many exciting people.
I talked to the prime minister!
Can you imagine?
Dr. Petter
wants me to design his new garage.
Isn't it wonderfuI?
I don't think you should talk
so much about Dr. Petter.
You should talk about me.
I'm the one you're most fond of.
You are most fond of me, right,
Anne-Lise?
And you think driving forklifts
is extremely important, don't you?
Cheers!
The forklift race
is coming up pretty soon.
I think I'll pass this year.
See you later, guys!
Hey, be carefuI!
Oh-la-la!
You saved my life!
Are you a... doctor?
Sure.
Sleeping under water
can result in a premature death.
I know. But we sailors are always
so tired when we go ashore.
We spend our nights awake,
fooling around and drinking.
Well, don't drink too much,
exercise and eat fiber.
Wait! In my family,
if someone saves our life, -
- we give them
our most prized possession.
- What is your most prized possession?
- I have nothing.
But if I find something nice,
I'll make sure you get it.
Time to upgrade
that kindergarten, Rigmor!
The only thing that needs upgrading
is your head!
Is there a doctor here?
We need a doctor!
We need a doctor!
Is there a doctor here?
Is there a doctor here?
We need a doctor!
Did you say doctor?
At your service!
Thank goodness!
A woman over here needs help.
- You aren't a doctor.
- Shut up!
- Then I'm a doctor too.
- You're a tiny moron!
Rigmor has taught us first aid.
I'm as much of a doctor as you.
Please, doctor!
- Are you a doctor?
- Yes.
- Me too.
- Him too?
Then help her!
Let's see...
- Where does it hurt?
- In my butt.
In your butt. Let me see...
How old are you?
-42.
- Have you eaten spoiled shrimp?
- No.
- Have you put anything up your butt?
- No.
- Should we call an ambulance?
Or a better doctor?
A miracle!
That's what I call doctors!
Allowme to buy you
an insanely luxurious dinner.
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
Hello, doctor!
- Let's get a job at the hospitaI.
- Rigmor wouldn't...
- Is Rigmor here right now?.
- No, you are.
Exactly! And I say
let's get a job at the hospitaI.
I'm a doctor, and I need a phone!
- Gunnar speaking.
- Hi. I quit as of... right now.
You can't quit. You've always been
a forklift driver. The best.
I need a more important job now.
- You're important to me.
- You don't know any better.
You've never
talked like this before, Kurt.
That's your problem!
I'm a doctor now. Bye!
Hello?
Rigmor?
Bud's a doctor
and you can go to hell!
- Here's the doctor's office.
- Here's the head doctor's office.
Here's the chief
head doctor's office.
And here's the super mega
chief head doctor's office!
Damned piece-of-junk machine!
- Are you the super mega chief?
- Yes, who are you?
We are two doctors
in search of a job.
- We are thumbtack specialists.
- And drowning specialists.
Interesting.
Let me see your diplomas.
- I think I left mine at home.
- I don't have one.
He's been in surgery all night.
He left his at home too.
I can't offer you a job
without seeing your diplomas.
- Fine.
- Be gone!
Sorry for the interruption.
Maybe you should try...
pushing right here.
Marvelous! We need more doctors
like you. I can make an exception.
That diploma
is nothing but cellulose, right?
- Exactly.
- But why is he so small?
He looks like a youngster.
He may not be old,
but he is very capable.
- Are you capable?
- I can even read and count.
- Rigmor says...
- Rigmor?
- She's another doctor.
- Is she now?.
- The job is yours!
- With a pager?
That goes without saying.
Without a pager, we doctors
would be utterly worthless!
And nowwe're doctors!
That wasn't so hard.
Patlentfor Dr. Kurt.
The hard part is treating patients.
Come in!
How are you feeling today?
- I'm feeling great.
- Good. And you?
- My stomach hurts.
- What do you say, Bud? A band-aid?
- I don't see any damage.
- My stomach hurts inside.
We can't see
inside your stomach, idiot!
How could we be able to see
Inslde your stomach?
- But what about my stomach pain?
- We'll feed you a band-aid sandwich.
Get well soon!
- We handled that well.
- What if he doesn't get better?
Then he'll come back.
By then we'll be better doctors.
All we need is some practice.
Next!
- Are you going to help her?
- What if it's contagious?
- ReaI doctors don't worry about that.
- We aren't reaI.
- Aren't you reaI doctors?
- Sure! That's a manner of speaking.
Doctor humor is quite speciaI.
- Have you eaten spoiled shrimp?
- Can you help me, doctor?
Help me, doctor!
I think I can help you.
There and there.
OK, you're fit as a fiddle!
- Thank you.
- What do you think, Bud?
- I'll say! That woman looked cured.
- Yes, we are quite capable.
I should hope so. I need help
with an operation tomorrow.
- An operation?
- You want us to operate on someone?
- The two of us?
- Is that a problem?
Not at all. No problem.
We can't wait!
Eager as kids.
ScalpeI.
- See? Howhard can it be?
- Child's play.
Dinner!
- What is it with you?
- Wait till mother comes.
I need to calculate the angle
between that beam and...
Would you be proud
if your father was... a doctor?
"Kill all the doctors,
kill all the nurses... "
Does this mean
a newhouse, car and cabin?
You bet!
Because doctors are loaded!
- And the worst disease you've seen?
- There are so many...
Has anyone been uglier than Helena?
My hair!
What's going on?
They're just happy because
their father is a... doctor.
- You aren't a doctor!
- Aren't you?
I have a pager.
It's illegaI
to pass oneself off as a doctor.
You could go to jaiI! It takes
seven years to become a doctor.
- What will Dr. Petter say?
- Seven years?!
Rigmor says time is relative.
Seven years could only take a minute.
- So you aren't a doctor?
- I am. Nowwe can hunt and traveI...
One can be whatever one wants!
That's what all your magazines claim.
And I'm sure Rigmor does too.
Starting tomorrow
you are no longer a doctor. Promise?
I promise.
WonderfuI, wonderfuI Copenhagen!
I notice that you placed that lung
in the wrong bowl, Dr. Kurt.
Rumor has it you aren't doctors.
That you've been fooling us.
Says who?
Impersonating a doctor
is a very serious crime.
You could almost call it... mean.
Mean? Rigmor says
it's important never to be mean.
Are you doctors, or not?
A scandaI!
A scandaI!
This is an utter scandaI!
A scandaI!
False doctors are loose
in the hospitaI! It's a scandaI!
We're almost out of here!
FC Rosenborg!
Stop them!
Your career as phony doctors is over!
Ow.
My foot!
My foot!
Freeze!
Help!
Help!
PLASTIC SURGERY
Hey! Wait!
I'm coming to get you!
That back of yours...
CarefuI!
I have a bad back.
I hereby declare,
because I am so nice and popular, -
- the newwing
here at the hospitaI...
...open.
Hooray!
I'm cured!
A scandaI!
- My back!
- Let's go back in.
A scandaI!
Huge breasts, by the way.
Thank you.
What is going on?
- They pretended to be doctors.
- Outrageous!
- Aren't you Dr. Petter's neighbor?
- Yes. Nice to see you again.
No, it isn't! You can't go around
pretending to be a doctor.
- And neither can your son.
- We just wanted to feeI important.
Being a forklift driver
is also important.
Although not as important
as prime minister or doctor.
- Or policeman.
- Or doctor.
- We said doctor!
- It can be repeated.
- Then prime minister should be too.
- Doctor, doctor!
- Prime minister...
- Doctor...
FC Rosenborg!
- I just wanted to feeI important.
- I don't care.
You deserve a spanking
and a huge fine.
WonderfuI Copenhagen, yes!
You just wait.
I'll show all of you!
FOR SALE
- What about breakfast?
- I'm tired of everything.
SCANDAL!
- You promised not to play doctor!
- Did I really promise?
- I just wanted you to be proud of me.
- I am. Sometimes.
Once last year,
or was it two years ago...
What a huge fine!
Did you get a fine, too?
Let me see.
- We're ruined!
- Ruined?
Won't we be able to afford food?
- Watch my hair!
- Enough of this. Kurt!
You're a forklift driver.
Now go back to work!
- But I told Gunnar I quit.
- Start again. You have a fine to pay.
- Good to see you again!
- Likewise.
- What is that?
- I owe you my most prized possession.
Ta-ta!
It's a... diamond!
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
Rigmor says that diamonds suck.
Big time.
Have you lost your mind?
You can sell this for millions!
- Are you a goldsmith?
- Maybe. It depends.
- Are you a goldsmith?
- You bet!
Amazing. Awesome.
Fantastic!
- Well? Is it a good diamond?
- I've never seen anything like it!
I would love to buy it.
It is worth...
Your diamond is worth...
Million?!
- That sounds fine.
- Great. Let me get your money.
By the way,
- Are you independently wealthy?
- No.
Then I think you should be carefuI.
It isn't easy
to suddenly come across great wealth.
You can easily become... eviI.
Thanks for the tip, but relax.
I'm nice, popular and sweet.
FC Rosenborg!
- Nowwhat?
- Your load is too high.
- I'm giving you a fine.
- Is this the prime minister's idea?
Doesn't she have better things to do
than decide what I can't do?
There! I don't have time
for stupid policemen.
You can't call policemen stupid!
That's a 600-kroner fine.
Is that all? In that case
I'll also call you a jerk,
a crown idiot and a butt-bugger.
Your fine just grewto 1600 kroner!
What?!
You are eviI! You just
earned yourself a pile of fines!
Watch out, or I'll buy
the entire police station -
- and put you
and all your buddies in jaiI!
My mustache...
My word, have you gotten rich?
There must be millions here!
- Around 60, actually.
- Fantastic!
- Gosh!
- We can buy whatever we want!
- A car like Dr. Petter's.
- And a pooI, and a house like his!
Helena can go to Satan concerts,
and I can go to medicaI schooI!
Just like Dr. Petter!
If I hear Dr. Petter's name
one more time, -
- I'll high-pressure hose you
all back to the Stone Age!
Can we at least get a new car,
and sell this junk?
- We're keeping the forklift.
- Are you stupid?
We don't need the forklift
nowthat we're rich!
Actually, I'm the one who's rich.
You're just as poor as always.
None of you get anything!
I want it all for myself.
I'll give Bud
a weekly allowance of 10,000 kroner.
From now on, Bud and I
are going to have all the fun.
- What do you want to do, Bud?
- I haven't seen Rigmor for a while...
No, Bud, I'm not talking
about kindergarten fun.
I'm talking about reaI, totaI fun.
Fun, fun, fun!
THE WORLDS BIGGESTSTORE
THE WORLDS BIGGESTRACETRACK
THE WORLDS BIGGES COD LIVER OIL BOTTLE
- I want that!
- We have the forklift.
Forklifts are for wimps!
This is a machine for reaI men!
Hello.
Fun, fun, fun!
- You're ruining the track!
- But I have schooI tomorrow.
I'll give you 200 kroner
to let me use your room.
It's a deaI!
Kurt, it's for you!
You have a visitor.
FC Rosenborg! Are you the one
building illegaI racetracks?
- Why is my racetrack illegaI?
- It isn't inside!
You can't build racetracks
through doctors' houses.
Not to mention, you're blocking
the road for the prime minister.
- Fine, give me a ticket.
- You still have to remove the track.
- I'll pay, you remove the track.
- No. That's illegaI.
The prime minister has decided that.
- You again?
- Let me do whatever I want.
I can pay you.
I have 60 million.
You have to do as I say. In the big
picture, 60 million isn't very much.
If I were prime minister,
I'd let rich people do anything.
Well I am the prime minister!
And I am nice and popular.
- Get his track out of my house!
- First I want the street cleared.
That's more important.
- Don't bother the prime minister!
- It's OK. Good to see you again.
Likewise.
Imagine that she remembered me!
- I want to be prime minister too.
- It isn't that easy.
- You have to be elected.
- How?.
Get people to vote for you.
But you don't stand a chance.
Because I am nice and popular.
- I'm nice and popular too.
- Good luck, then!
Let's see...
If I ran for prime minister,
would you vote for me?
- I don't know.
- What do you mean?
- I don't knowwhere you stand.
- Where I stand?
- I'm for everything that's good.
- We'll see.
- Here his family helps out.
- "Kill all journalists... "
Forget Helena.
All she cares about is Satan.
- May I take a picture?
- Of course.
Please move. I only want
a picture of the candidate.
Forget it, Bud. I'm the one
who's going to be prime minister.
But I'm sure you'll be
prime minister some day too.
I doubt it.
Ladles and gentlemen,
please welcome Kurt!
Unemployment, improved roads,
cheap food from Sweden, taxes!
Everyone should be happy,
save the environment. Thank you.
Kurt is the best!
Kurt is the best!
- What about elderly care?
- Nothing concerns me more!
Elderly care! Elderly care!
Elderly care! Elderly care!
Elderly care!
Elderly care!
And now our second candldate,
the prlme mlnlster!
You can't vote for her.
She can't even stay on her feet!
- You tripped her!
- Of course. Everything is allowed.
- That was a cheap trick.
- That was politics.
You have a choice: Vote for me,
a nice and popular person,
or vote for Kurt, who is mean.
I'm not mean!
You're ugly and smell like farts!
You smell like farts!
Kurt is best.
Kurt is best...
Where are you going?
Stay here and watch me win!
No discussion!
The prime minister decides!
You'd think a prime minister could
expect some support from his family.
- What if you lose?
- Only chickens have a plan B.
You should probably be
a little more chicken.
Of course I'm going to be
prime minister! Right, Bud?
Bud?
Quiet, here it comes!
Let's see
how many votes Kurt recelved.
Didn't you vote for me?
It appears as If our buxom frlend
wlll remaln prlme mlnlster.
No, no, no!
Not everyone can be prime minister.
You're a forklift driver.
But apparently that isn't
good enough for any of you!
You're the biggest loser
I've ever met, Kurt!
Must be tough living next to
a wonderfuI man like me.
I'll showyou!
Police? No, I'm not calling
to praise FC Rosenborg!
Kurt has turned eviI!
Is there a carpenter here?
I am wltnesslng some strong scenes
from the hellcopter.
Kurt Is evll!
Maybe I should have voted for him.
I don't condone anarchistic behavior.
- Neither does Rigmor.
- I can hear your voices!
I can hear you talk. This is lovely!
Say something else.
My back!
I am pleased, but not surprised,
that I became prime minister.
I am much more important
than Kurt will ever be.
FC Rosenborg forever!
- Gotcha!
- Howincredibly annoying.
- Did you really do all this?
- Yup, I'm afraid so.
You are neither nice nor popular.
Shame on you!
Right!
No!
Help me!
Nowyou can think about
what you have done.
Hey, you.
- What are you in for?
- I did something bad.
Really?
I sold spoiled shrimp.
I put thumbtacks on random chairs.
- I tried to crush Parliament.
- Did you succeed?
- Nope.
- Then you sleep on the floor.
KURTIS EVIL
Kurt, you are accused of being eviI.
What do you have to say?
I regret it bitterly
and will never do it again.
- I wasn't myself.
- You weren't? Who were you?
I wanted to be like Dr. Petter
and the prime minister.
But no one thought I was important,
so I snapped and lost my head.
Has that never happened to you?
- Yes, actually.
- See?
I'll give you a choice:
Go back to jaiI,
or pay a fine of 40 million kroner.
- I'll pay the fine.
- Do you have 40 million?
And 40,000,000.
There you are.
Now go home
and think about what you have done.
You betcha!
Hi.
I've been thinking. I don't think
everything was your fault.
You aren't still eviI, are you?
Aren't you coming in?
No, a loser like me deserves
to sit on top of a pole.
Hey, is Kurt up there?
- What?
- Are you coming back to work?
- I'm never coming down again!
- You can be head forklift driver.
Nope!
How about
head chief forklift driver?
- With a promotion!
- AII I need is a grain of rice a day.
Goodbye!
But what about the forklift race?
It's tomorrow.
Howlong
does he intend to stay up there?
Forever.
When he comes down, tell him
to get my car out of the pooI!
He has more important things
to worry about.
Don't be rude!
I'm paying you to drawmy garage.
Maybe I don't want
to drawyour garage!
I hate architects!
Hi, Bud!
You're just in time for meditation.
Ready, set...
Anne-Lise!
- What?
- The kindergarten collapsed!
I need my forklift!
Oh, no you don't!
Help me with my car first!
- This is more important!
- More important than my car?
- Code 449, kindergarten collapse.
- I have to help them!
Not so fast!
I have the pager, I'll help them!
- Let me on!
- No!
Let go!
Do as the doctor says!
Everyone does as the doctor says!
Turn!
Stop!
You stop!
FC Rosenborg!
Help is on its way.
- Thank God you're here!
- No problem.
Not you!
Dr. Petter!
Let the doctor through!
Yes, they are in here.
Help us!
- Do something!
- You do something!
- This calls for a doctor.
- No, a policeman!
- Doctor! Doctor!
- Policeman! Policeman!
Don't you...
Watch the mustache!
We're all going to die!
Focus on your inner self.
Your inner self.
Look!
Your children are safe
with the doctor now.
Bud!
Where's Bud?
Hello?
Help!
No!
Bud and Rigmor are still in there!
But what about Rigmor?
Fine!
Get your filthy paws off of me!
Bud, run him over!
I hear laughter
is a sign of instability.
Bud!
Kurt, you're the best!
Hooray for Kurt!
Hooray for Kurt!
You've never been cheered like that.
Kurt is more important.
- You haven't been cheered like that.
- FC Rosenborg sure has. Often.
Huge breasts, by the way.
He's my dad. And I can hear
everything. This is beautifuI!
WonderfuI Copenha...
I mean...
Did you see dad on that forklift?
And you are incredibly strong!
Mind my hair!
I promise that we will build
a new, solid kindergarten.
So that nothing like this
will ever happen again.
Thank you, Kurt!
KURTIS THE BES
Sorry.
Never mind.
We're just happy you're moving.
I understand.
I didn't fit in here next to you.
Ain't that the truth.
Is this enough to...
repair the damages?
I have a better idea.
KINDERGARTEN
Nice throw.
Please watch your language, boys!
Hey, Mr. Forklift Driving Man
You're the boss
You're in command
Look what's coming
A doomsday machine
The Prince of Darkness
Riding his forklift
Tipping over big loads
Crushing everything in his path
He refuses to crawl
He's coming to get you
He's a forklift driving man!
Forklift driving man!
The hour of revenge
Has arrived
Definitely not smart
To stand right there
Run for cover
Run for your life
If you aren't dead yet
You will be soon
Lawless, mysterious and raw
A brave and bloodthirsty brute
He's a forklift driving man!
A forklift driving man!
Kurt is eviI!
He is a...
Forklift driving man!
He is a forklift driving man!