Kaalakaandi (2018)

it's not an ulcer.
And because it's not an ulcer
it's also not a perforated
ulcer, obviously.
Which is what it was,
we thought, for a little while.
Okay, so that's good.
So I can stop taking that,
what's it, the Meta..
Yes. Because that was
making me really nauseous.
And the Prozoxil
Steatetramalin and the
Steatetramalin and the
Stop it. All of it. Completely.
It's stomach cancer.
- It's cancer.
Stomach cancer.
It has metastasized.
And when cancer metastasizes..
I know what metastasize means.
My father..
- How!
I've never smoked
a cigarette in my life.
I don't drink,
I've never done drugs.
I ate a brownie once..
With.. With marijuana in it,
but my friends tricked me.
I didn't know, I had no idea!
That couldn't have done it,
That was a long time ago.
No, I don't think..
You're joking, right?
- No, I wish I was.
I don't even eat butter!
That horrible tasting stuff,
what is it?
No trans-fat,
no cholesterol..
No red meat,
fish, olive oil..
That's a very healthy diet.
And lots of vegetables..
Tomatoes. Broccoli.
I'm sorry, we still don't
completely understand cancer.
Maybe, there was a
genetic predisposition..
So if I smoke now,
will it make it worse?
So if I smoke now,
will it make it worse?
No, no, not really.
- No.
All these years, I mean..
What was the point?
Whatever makes you happy, do it.
I'm going to jack off
till my dick falls off!
I'm joking.
All right.
Okay.. - I want to tell you,
I have to tell you..
It's the last stage.
There's not much time left.
How much time?
One month, two months,
six months..
I'd advise you to put
your affairs in order
meet your lawyer..
I'm a good person, you know.
All my life.
All my fucking life!
I'm sorry.
'The patient requires..'
You want to die or what?
'Look how I deal with them!
Look at my style!'
'Do you have any doubt?'
'Take a look at my gun!
My weapon of choice!'
'I will take you to task now!'
'Do you have any doubt?'
He burst the eggs!
Both the eggs! - No, that would've
killed him! - I see.
He had to undergo a complicated
surgery to save his life.
Not there.. Take this way.
Not there.. Take this way.
Then he started practicing
with his left hand.
He is so funny!
Don't ever call him that in public.
- Really?
He's got a really bad temper.
Who asked him to practice
with a loaded gun?
But he's a lucky guy.
- Yes! Really lucky.
One ball..
Just one ball..
Look where it got him.
He was a messenger,
just like you and me.
Here, right here. He used
to drive this fucking car.
- Yes!
He used to drive this car.
Then he became a shooter.
And then, Mr. Raza's
personal bodyguard.
The party tonight is for him.
Birthday party? - No, to celebrate
25 years of working together.
Silver jubilee.
- Amazing!
This is what you
call a blessed luck.
Don't worry, man,
our time will come.
Listen to this.
About 21 million tonnes of
wheat annually perishes in India
About 21 million tonnes of
wheat annually perishes in India
due to inadequate storage,
distribution and corruption.
That's the entire production..
That's the entire production
of Australia!
You know, the problem with
our country isn't that
we don't have enough.
It's that we don't care enough.
You know, I really
think we should go.
It's her birthday.
It'll get too hectic.
You know, you're not
the first person in the
history of the universe
to catch a flight.
21 million tonnes!
Yes, so fix it! Stay!
Don't.. Don't run away!
I'm not running away.
You're gorgeous, you know that?
Why are you so gorgeous?
Those bloody white boys
are going to be hounding you.
Like moths to a flame.
They're not interested
in studying anyway.
See? See, you're
not even denying it.
You know, you know they're
going to be after you.
That's why I'm going.
To hell with the PhD,
to hell with the scholarship.
Oh! Those white boys..
I'll teach Kamasutra
to the whole country.
Not theory, practicals.
I'm really fragile right now,
you know?
This is not helping..
Don't be silly.
And.. And what is this?
What does it do?
This is not..
This is not underwear!
This is dental floss!
It makes the boys
lose their minds.
That's it. That's it.
No more thongs or lingerie or..
- What are you doing?
Or crotchless teddies for you.
- What crotchless teddies?
Why.. Why can't we get engaged?
What, now?
Why didn't you want
to get engaged?
Because we don't have that kind of
time or money or energy right now.
I have time..
And energy.
Why can't your family
leave us alone tonight?
And you want to get engaged?
Get the door.
Hi, sir.
Hi, Ma'am.
How are you?
Hi, Ma'am.
Sorry. Thank you.
Over here!
Bless you.
Remember him?
Mr. Munna!
Bless you.
You know, I've seen you as a baby.
Do you remember Gorakhpur?
No, sir.
- When you got stung by a bee?
You swelled up like a balloon.
No, sir.
His mother will remember.
- Yes.
That stock tip you
gave me.. Amazing!
Too good.
He's a bank president now.
Yes, same thing.
Why don't you give
me some stock tips too?
I'll also become a millionaire!
Right, Ashok?
What happened?
Got stuck.
Go and freshen up.
Go and freshen up.
Then we'll have
a drink together.
- Swelled up like this!
Angad, how's the fit?
Just a minute, Mom!
Yes? - Angad?
- It's me.
- You didn't recognize me?
I can't believe it.
No, I'm sorry, but..
Just keep talking, I will.
What should I say?
You know, anything.
Should I read something?
Let me read something.
Turn your love life
upside down.
- I'm reading.
- I'm reading.
Oh, right. Yes. Sorry.
'Take your regular
everyday positions..'
'Flip them around and your
man will be hitting..'
'Spots that'll make you
scream with pleasure.'
'A change in angle and the penis
rubs against'
'the front vaginal wall,
hitting the g-spot'
'giving you
new and exciting sensations.'
Angad! What are you doing?
Open the door!
I need to get some stuff.
I have so much to do!
What are you doing?
You still haven't tried it?
Who is it?
- No one, Mom.
Why didn't you cut your hair?
'Should I keep reading?'
- 'No?'
No fucking way.
'You said it was okay to read..'
Selina! No fucking way! Selina?
'I'm disappointed.
I thought you'd have me at hello.'
Where are you?
- Bombay.
Bombay? This Bombay?
When did you get here?
'Just got off a plane.'
'Just got off a plane.'
'What's going on with you?'
Same old.
No.. no, not for you.
'I flew halfway across the world.'
'What have you done for me lately?'
"Licking hopes"
"off a silver spoon."
"and turn it into gold.
- Come on now."
"How long are you going
to avoid your fate? - Come on now."
"How long are you going to
curse your destiny? - Come on now."
"Your destination awaits you."
- How are you, sir?
Rehmat, the less I see you,
the better it is.
My wife feels the same way!
My wife feels the same way!
My life is just fucked.
- Your life?
I'm the one getting fleeced, man.
Tell Mr. Raza.
I'm not the one getting rich.
- Yes, all right.
What'll you have?
Tea, coffee, biscuits?
No, sir. There's a party
in the evening, I have to run.
Give me the bag.
- Please don't mind, sir.
What's there to mind?
It's a routine now.
Sir, thank you very much.
See you next month.
No! This is the last one.
I'm done.
Let me sleep in peace now.
What are you saying?
Yes. - This was such a lovely
excuse to meet you. I mean..
Find another excuse to meet me.
Come over for tea or something.
These meetings are
too expensive for me.
You're a millionaire.
A millionaire.
This is loose change for you.
Loose change? At this rate, I'll be
penniless and naked in the streets.
No, no, traffic's a mess as it is!
Isn't it?
- Bye.
Excuse me.
How are you?
How are you?
How long has Mr. Ashok
been drinking?
Since I got here.
- When did you get here?
Since I got here.
- When did you get here?
The day before.
That guy can drink.
Are you dancing tonight?
- What?
What competition?
They'll dance. We'll dance.
We'll see who wins.
- Just like that. Cheap thrills.
Is this a wedding or a dance show?
Who's the judge? Madhuri?
Come on! How many times is
Angad going to get married?
If he has any sense, zero.
Give me a drag.
- Really?
What else have you got?
- What do you mean?
I mean, the stuff?
Are you okay?
- Tip-top.
What do you want?
Who's the pothead, you or I?
- I have a micro-dot, I think.
Who's the pothead, you or I?
- I have a micro-dot, I think.
- Okay.
Okay, what?
- Okay, I'll take it.
Drop it.
- Why?
You don't take acid.
You drop it, bro.
Don't say that again.
You'll ruin the family name.
Give me your hand.
Red star.
Good stuff. Very good stuff.
Where were you?
Nothing's happening.
Mr. Ashok's calling you.
- Fuck!
Go for it.
You're back? Where were you?
You're back? Where were you?
At the doctor's.
- Oh, yes. What did he say?
He said, it's not an..
Where are you going, Ramesh?
There, in the kitchen. The kitchen.
It needs to go to Mrs. Chopra.
Okay. Listen,
the photographer is done here.
Will you take her to Neha's place?
- When? - Now.
My son will drop you, okay?
- Hey!
Our after-party has already begun!
- Hi.
Can you take Angad with you?
He needs a haircut.
- Hi.
Let's go.
- Can you see something here?
Toast? - No, here,
in the centre, where it's burnt.
Can you see anything?
- Burnt toast.
I told you! He says he can see
a Chinese word in it.
Hello, it's not Chinese, okay?
It's Japanese!
It says 'go' in Japanese.
You know, this toast
is telling me something.
This toast? - Yes.
- It's telling you something?
Yes, it's asking me
to do something.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on a minute, let me see.
Oh, yes, what's this written here?
Let's go!
You're wearing this tonight?
- Yes, why?
No, nothing.
Mr. Bappi called.
He wants it back when you're done.
- Bro..
This is all custom
embroidery, okay?
There's only one
in the whole world.
And in the whole world, you're
the only damn fool to buy it.
Ma'am, please move.
There she is.
Sorry, sorry.
- You're drunk.
What're you doing with my mother?
Where's your girlfriend?
You know how she is!
- What? - And? - And what?
Happy birthday! - Like she's
doing me a favour, bitch.
The Americans won't know
what hit them.
You're going to ruin it
for the rest of us.
They won't give anyone a visa.
- Happy birthday!
- What're you having?
- Fuck you..
Hey, come on!
- ...it's my birthday.
What're you having?
- I have a flight to
catch in a few hours.
- He doesn't. You go. Bye!
Come on. Come on.
You're such a pain, you know?
Okay, one drink,
and then we really have to go.
We'll go, we'll go
after a drink, okay? - Okay.
Hey, don't listen to her.
- Okay, we're not going.
We're not going..
I want you to meet my oldest
friend in the whole world.
She doesn't look so old.
- Idiot.
This is Jehangir-Jehangir,
my sex slave.
- Yes.
Long line of Parsi lunacy.
What's next on the menu, slave?
- Whatever you wish.
- Will you roll us one, lovely boy?
I think,
I can read your mind.
I think,
I can read your mind.
So, what're you having?
- I'll.. I'll have a vodka.
Another round, same?
- Same. - I'll join you.
Where did you find him?
He just followed me home one day.
How convenient!
- Young boys. Obedient.
And always horny.
- Until they grow up.
Then you just find another one.
- You really should try
- I'm not listening to you.
You really should listen to me.
We won't see this much money
even in a lifetime. Understand?
What's the big deal?
It's sitting there.
Open the bag and look.
I've been looking at it
like that for 15 years.
No more looking.
Now, I want it.
For me. Personal.
What did Saxena feed you inside?
Are you high or something?
What if..
we take some of this money?
Like a loan?
Then we'll return it.
No one will even know.
- Man, you're really talented.
You screw someone
and they don't even know.
That's why your wife
complains all the time.
I have a friend.
- Okay.
A builder.
- Okay.
He asked me to arrange
for some money.
He'll sell me an apartment
below market rate.
- Then what?
We'll get the flat
and sell it at market rate.
Keep the profit, return the money.
How much time will this take?
- Time? I think..
How much time will this take?
- Time? I think..
About a month?
How much are we taking out?
Maybe, 2.5 million?
2.5 million goes missing
for a month
and no one will find out?
Because they're all fools, right?
Where's the money? Where's
the money that was sitting here?
There it is,
just went out for a stroll.
Here it is, coming back,
all by itself..
And into the bag.
Fucker, you want
to steal from Mr. Raza?
Think about your family.
- I am.
I am thinking about my family.
I don't want
to do this all my life.
The daily nagging. We're out
of this, we're out of that.
My life is hell.
You'll end up in
a gutter minus your head.
Get it?
What'll I tell your wife?
No, no, I can't see her
before the wedding.
It's bad luck.
- Brother!
Neha. This is..
Rakhee, the photographer.
- Rakhee, the photographer.
- Hi.
Let me get a picture
of both of you.
Looking good.
- I know!
Can I see?
- Yes!
Zubin wanted to get
engaged before I left.
You're engaged now?
Wouldn't you know if I was engaged?
No, I don't take anything
for granted.
I said no. I mean, there's..
There's too much going on
right now. Not enough time.
And if there was enough time
and not too much going on,
you'd be engaged?
I love him.
- You love him!
Okay, why don't you decide
that after you go to America?
What the fu..
Sorry. Sorry, excuse me.
Where's the joint?
- What happened?
Cops. It's a raid.
- What?
Do you have anything on you?
- Oh, fuck.
- Are you guys clean?
Yes, we don't.. - I'm clean.
- What raid? - It's a drug bust.
Yes, we don't.. - I'm clean.
- What raid? - It's a drug bust.
- So, we'll have to wait.
They'll check everyone.
- Then?
And then, they'll take us
to the police station.
Maybe the hospital afterwards.
- The hospital? - Blood tests.
How long is this going to take?
I don't know. With all these
people, it could go all night.
It can't take all night,
I'll miss my flight.
I need to get.. I can't be here.
- Okay, calm down.
You're stressing me out. - Fuck it,
I told you I had to leave.
I knew it was going
to get hectic. - Relax.
I'm going to miss
my fucking flight.
No, no, no, we'll figure..
- You figure.
Where are you going?
- I'm going to explain
the situation to them.
They can't just stop us.
You do that.
I'll.. I'll just..
The chief is in the lobby.
Yes, sir.
Let me go.
- You called me a bitch!
You called the police a bitch?
You want to go?
Come with me, you slut!
Come with me!
'They'll forgive you.'
'They're your parents,
after all.'
'It happens in anger
'But, every time..'
Just drop me, okay?
I'll get back on my own.
Just drop me, okay?
I'll get back on my own.
And your haircut?
- I'll get it done.
My friend is waiting, I have to go.
- Friend? Now?
The salon will close.
- It won't.
Just relax, okay?
Oh, yes!
- This..
- I'm not deaf!
- I'm not deaf!
Oh, man!
I think it hit.
I think it hit. - What?
Why haven't I done this before?
My whole life
is such a waste!
I'm so stupid!
- Why are you yelling?
Who? I?
Because of the music.
The music!
It's really loud!
'Bhrishti Pore Tapur Tupur'.
- What?
That's Bengali for
'Bhrishti Pore Tapur Tupur'.
You speak Japanese?
- I didn't know.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Oh, hello!
Good evening! Hello!
How you are?
How you doing?
I'm sorry, I..
I don't know why I did that.
Good evening. - Good evening.
- What are you doing?
Let's go. I have to go.
- How much, baby? - What?
Hey, man!
Dangerous curves ahead!
No licky, no sucky,
no love you long time.
Only looky. - What?
- How much?
No hanky-panky, just to look.
- To look?
Get in the car now.
- Ground floor.
Southern hemisphere.
Your Australia.
Your Cape of Good Hope.
- What did he say?
I'm really curious
about your junk.
How much?
- Oh, shit, get in the car!
Get in the car now!
- Hey, Sheila.
What are you up to?
- Sir..
What's going on?
Just chatting.
- Really?
Let's chat at the station.
Why, man?
What did you say?
- Why, man?
Is chatting illegal?
Come, I'll tell you at the station.
Who'll take me to the station?
And anyway
you shouldn't strain yourself
during your pregnancy.
You! - Come on,
protector of the nation!
Move aside, you.
Angad Drive!
No one's going to the station.
Sir, I was just talking to him.
I didn't even do anything.
- Where will you go, you whore?
I'll deal with you later!
Your father's a whore,
that makes no sense.
You rascal!
I'm going to teach you a lesson!
Sir, let it go. He's drunk,
that's why he's blabbering.
Blabbering? - What are you doing?
I'll get screwed.
What'll you do, you pimp?
- Pimp?
Paste, go after him,
I'll handle this!
You'll handle this?
- Come on now.
"From morning, till the evening,
everything's been going wrong."
"I've got the swag.
I'll work things out."
Come on. Come.
Have you won even once
in the last four years?
Now even I feel bad about
taking your money.
Now even I feel bad about
taking your money.
What are we without hope, my man?
Come on.
100 bucks.
- What?
100 bucks.
I'm scared of you.
Heart's thumping?
- Yes, heart's thumping.
No, no, no, no..
You can't see my cards,
these are my moves.
No worries.
You want to steal?
Steal with style.
Like you're doing something big.
You think small.
Fucking small.
We shouldn't even consider
anything below 10 million.
- Not enough?
We'll go to Mr. Raza.
Tell him we were attacked.
They took one bag,
we saved the rest.
Raza is a fucking fool.
He'll buy that.
He's going to say
that he's not a fucking fool.
He'll ask us where we got hit,
by who, all that crap.
But here's the beauty of this plan.
You'll have to take a bullet.
Here, on the side. I'll be careful.
You rascal,
you're going to shoot me?
Not for real,
it'll just be a scratch.
Oh, man.
You were ready to lose
your head for 2.5 million.
You can't take a bullet for 10?
Just a little scratch.
It'll be nothing.
Mr. Raza will think,
he got shot.
He got shot!
This is serious.
There's a bag gone, no problem.
They risked their lives
and saved the rest.
And the respect is automatic.
That's a solid plan.
Mr. Raza trusts us.
We can't betray him.
We're just joking around!
You made up a story,
I made up another.
That's all there is to it.
Fucker, you were
yanking my chain?
Fucker, you were
yanking my chain?
Bullets just got fired.
Where's my bill?
Are you okay?
The chief has called me
to the lobby.
Can I go?
'Make sure no one leaves
the hotel. Shut the gate. Over.'
'Tawde, keep an eye..'
This is nothing, babe.
The last time..
Where were we, honey?
That place in Juhu, with the
bad prawns, I got food poisoning..
I don't know.
- Anyway, the cops came in
they planted the drugs
and then they pretended
to find them.
What? What do you mean,
pretended to find them?
They found these big-ass
bags of coke..
Now who the fuck carries
around that much coke?
When you're using
this is how much coke you.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You told me you were clean.
You think this is funny?
We could've gotten into
so much trouble.
Yes, nice toss there,
Harbhajan Singh.
I was just trying to protect us.
Oh, I feel very safe now.
Where are you?
I'm running!
Because there's a fucking
cop chasing me, idiot!
The other one's gone after you!
Okay, bye!
'You'll be done for.'
How far will you run?
Where will you go?
Sooner or later
you'll be at the same corner,
you whore.
I won't let you go.
- Let me go?
Catch me first, you fat fuck!
"Come to me.
I'm your love."
"Oh, my!
Your refusal is killing me!"
"Come to me.."
"Come to me.."
"Come to me.."
Sir, as you see,
I am just running in slow motion.
Watch me.
But you just can't catch me.
Slow motion, in reverse.
What's your price, sir?
Take this.
And this.
Come on!
Actually, fuck you.
Madam, I'm out of time.
And you're out of options.
Driver, move it!
Welcome to this Air India flight.
All passengers are requested
to fasten their seatbelts.
Breakfast will be served shortly.
- What the hell are you on?
Thank you.
I need your jacket, Manohar.
I need your jacket, Manohar.
Excuse me, ma'am?
- Your jacket?
I need it.
Ma'am, I can't give you my jacket.
Okay, listen.
I.. I need to be on a plane in..
In right about fucking now,
actually. I need your jacket.
Ma'am, I can't give you my jacket.
I'll get into a lot of trouble.
- Sell it to me. - No.. What?
I'll buy it.
- No, no, no, no.
Do you take credit, because I..
Ma'am, don't make so much movement.
Ma'am, I cannot sell my jacket.
It's not my jacket to sell.
I already know you can't, Manohar.
What can you do?
I can let you borrow it.
Great, fantastic,
that's all I need. - For a kiss.
For a kiss?
Fuck off.
Take it off first.
French kiss.
What's happening?
Nothing. You go.
What's going on?
- Who's this, ma'am?
My boyfriend.
What's happening?
- Take it off.
I don't have fucking time.
What's going on?
Look away.
Fucking rapist.
- What the fuck!
What the fuck?
Let's go.
- Where?
- Really? How?
Keep your mouth shut and follow me.
Where are we going?
This is so fun.
Such an adventure.
That's a really shit jacket.
Where did you get it, Manohar?
Where did you get it, Manohar?
God, she's such a sour puss,
your girlfriend!
I need to take them to the chief.
The chief.
- Where?
The lobby.
That guy next to Mr. Raza,
in the glasses..
That's Omelette.
- That's him? Oh, man!
I can't look away from his balls.
One day, we'll be up there.
In Mr. Raza's inner circle.
We're on the right track.
25 years.
That's how long we've been friends.
The man who took a bullet
to save my life
The man who took a bullet
to save my life
what can I say about him?
I have no words.
We've been through
so much in these years.
But this man has been my shield.
My brother.
My friend.
I can't repay you in a lifetime.
This is just a token
of my appreciation.
"I yearn to see you."
Let's celebrate!
See that?
25 years and a bullet.
That's what it's worth.
You carry on. I'll get back.
I said, shut up.
I damn care, Sunita, I damn care.
"We'll be right here,
waiting for you."
"For you, for you."
You go, meet your friend.
What's that supposed to mean?
Hurry up.
Your hair's growing as we speak.
Shall we, madam?
- Okay.
Come in, it's open.
Come, get it, tiger.
What are you waiting for?
I love sharks.
- Yes, me too!
Hammerheads are my favourite.
I guess I must've known that.
Should've taken
the shoes off first.
I got it.
That was awesome!
'Close the bar
and the kitchen.'
Sir, I need to take them
to the chief.
Okay. Who asked you?
I don't know. I was just asked to
bring them down.
I'll handle it.
Please go back.
Go back up.
No, sir, Manohari.
No, sir, Manohari.
The 'i' faded out, sir.
I need to get a new nametag.
I'll go up, sir.
Sir! Sir! Sir!
- Stop!
Give me the keys!
I'm driving!
- You're drunk!
I had one drink!
Give me the keys!
Go! Go! Go!
Come on, let's go!
- Get in!
That was awesome!
It was my best birthday ever!
Listen, we have to
do this again next year!
Thanks, God!
I feel a little calmer now.
My heart was just..
You didn't need this stress.
That was so much fun!
Won't that cop cause
trouble for you?
Won't that cop cause
trouble for you?
Like he worships me otherwise.
That fucking lowlife.
I didn't hold back today.
I feel so good.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
You were saying..
- Australia?
Junk? Oh, your junk.
My list.
- Things to do before I die.
My junk's on this list?
I planned a lot
did nothing.
Why are you talking about dying?
Not like it's too late.
Want to get a room?
No, no, no, no.
- No?
You got me here
to buy me drinks?
You got me here
to buy me drinks?
What about the list?
What about it?
Some other time.
That'll give us an excuse
to meet again, right?
- You never know
when you're going
to kick the bucket.
My dad died last year.
Oh, no.
Was he sick?
He was stealing from
a freight train.
The cops shot him.
Whatever happened to
a good old-fashioned beating!
To your dad.
He was a complete asshole.
Come with me.
Where are we going?
I'll be back.
Where are we going?
That's going to need stitches.
I'm so sorry, this is..
This is not how I wanted it.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'll.. I'll pay for it.
Yes, you will.
Someone's really trying
to reach you.
You should at least say hi.
I don't want to.
You're so bad.
Hello? Hey!
Hey, babe!
Hello? Hey!
Hey, babe!
Sound? What sound?
Oh, no, I stubbed my toe.
You were calling? Just now?
Sorry, honey, I didn't hear,
I was in the shower.
You're in the lobby? How come?
You took the early flight?
Oh, thank goodness,
I was missing you so much.
My room number?
Where did I put my key?
Please, get up!
Fuck sake!
Here we are! 2149.
Hello? Babe?
No, no, no, no, no!
I'm sorry.
I wish..
What about the TV?
Fuck the TV.
I have to tell you
I've never been to a ladies room.
Life's a party with Sheila!
Hello, girls.
Excuse me, ladies.
Don't mind us.
Please carry on.
Was that a lady friend?
Or gent?
Let's go.
- Wait, let me finish.
You're drinking?
When did you start drinking?
Just now! My brother's
getting married today.
Thank you.
You want one?
No, let's go.
We're getting late.
What happened to your head?
- Tell us, it's only Sheila.
She's a friend.
I've seen her naked.
What? You've seen me naked?
Sanjeev Kumar.
Sanjeev Kumar, 'Angoor'.
Very good. Very good.
By God, what a movie!
That was a different time.
- Greetings.
Had fun? See you tomorrow.
- Take care, sir.
See you, goodbye.
Hey, Omelette!
What did you say?
Ustad, I've been hearing
stories about you
since I was a kid.
Everyone makes fun of me.
They say I always
keep talking about you
but I've never even met you.
I'm your number one fan.
Ustad, I want to be just like you.
You're lucky..
He's back.
You fool, I told you
not to call him Omelette.
He would've shot
your ass full of holes.
Get that.
We'll straighten it, it's a tenner.
- Ustad!
How much..
How much do I owe you?
Good night.
Your jacket.
Keep it. Bye.
"This feeling is so pure.
O' Sheila!"
"I could be yours forever."
"This feeling is so pure.
O' Sheila!"
"I could be yours."
"I know that I should be.."
I feel like one of those guys
married to a porn star.
Just so on edge all the time.
I feel so violated.
You feel violated?
How could you kiss that guy?
You kissed a guy?
I didn't kiss him.
I didn't kiss him.
No, you kissed him.
She kissed that guy.
You kissed him.
It wasn't a kiss.
It was.. It meant nothing.
It was like acting.
It just had to be done.
It was like..
Emraan Hashmi in 'Murder'.
Like Emraan Hashmi in 'Murder'.
- And 'Tumsa Nahin Dekha'.
And 'Gangster'.
'Chocolate, Deep Dark Secrets'.
'Aashiq Banaya Aapne,
Love Takes Over'.
'Jawani Diwani,
A Youthful Joyride'.
So, you're..
- 'Good Boy, Bad Boy'.
'Train, Some Lines
Should Never Be Crossed'.
What? I'm a fan.
He's good, right?
So, you're Emraan Hashmi now?
You're going to be
Emraan Hashmi in America?
What did you want me to do?
I had to..
- Not kiss that guy!
Not kiss him!
Don't take this the wrong way.
Are you gay?
Are you gay?
Are you sure?
Because you can tell me.
No, you're not gay?
No, you're not sure?
No, you don't want to tell me?
- No, it was just..
One of those things
I've always wondered about.
I was curious.
Scientifically curious.
Like Madame Curie curious.
All right. Well
I'm here if you want to talk
about it. Ever. Whenever.
Old girlfriend?
- What?
- Because you can tell me.
No! No! What do you want me to say?
You didn't get a haircut!
It was my responsibility.
What will I tell mom?
You want me to?
I don't know how.
I don't want your kids
to look at your wedding album
and think their
mother married a twat.
You just ran a red!
Did you have a fucking plan?
Watch out!
Watch out!
Watch out!
Watch out!
What are you doing?
We have to call the police.
- Are you mad?
That car jumped a red light,
that is why I..
I don't fucking care!
Let's just get out of here
before anyone sees us!
It wasn't my fault.
We have to call the police,
if we leave, it's a hit-and-run..
You don't want
to go to jail here!
Why will I go to jail?
It wasn't my fault. - Tara!
Listen to me,
have you fucking lost it?
You want to ruin your life?
JJ, what's wrong with you?
What did I say? - Nobody's
going to jail here, okay?
Just go home, pack up your bags
and get the fuck out of here..
- While you still can.
We won't tell anyone.
JJ, you fuckhead!
It wasn't my fault,
that guy jumped a red light.
Fuck! Move!
Get out!
Someone's going
to come and see us!
Someone's going
to come and see us!
Tara, move!
Get out of that seat.
Get in.
Get in!
What happened?
Did I say something?
I can't do this..
You want me to drive?
You want me to drive?
I don't think I should drive..
- I can't get married.
Because you didn't get a haircut?
I'm a bastard.
I'm a cheat.
I betrayed Neha, man.
That's cool.
That's fantastic.
I knew it.
Oh, God.
I'm a cheat.
Old girlfriend calls you.
You can't bring yourself
to tell her you're getting married.
You can't believe yourself,
in your head..
That you're off the market.
You want to hold on
to your old life.
You think you're unique..
But you're not.
You're as unique as
a billion other people.
By you, I don't mean you,
I mean you as in..
You and me and the whole world.
You and me and the whole world.
I know what you're thinking.
Yes, okay.
You and me, we're not the same.
All of us, all alone..
All the same.
You saw what happened today.
And that was when we hadn't
even done anything wrong..
You had drugs.
You were going to smoke a doobie..
There were other people too..
- So?
There's nothing wrong
in smoking a doobie, okay?
It's Indian culture.
And marijuana should
be legalised anyway.
Yes, if the Spanish had brought
back marijuana instead of tobacco
from the new world,
we'd all be smoking weed.
from the new world,
we'd all be smoking weed.
- Which we are.
- And the tobacco lobby..
What the fuck are you talking about?
She can't go to the cops, okay?
This country is crazy.
Just get the fuck out of here..
Do whatever it is that
you want to do..
That PhD stuff,
expand your mind..
Shag some white boys..
- What?
Experience the world.
I'm just saying..
You know what I'm saying.
Will you guys find your way home?
Yes, okay, we'll be fine.
Just take her straight
to the airport, okay?
Yes, sure.
Cool, then.
Bye, guys.
Nice meeting you.
- Yes, man, see you.
I'll see you soon..
In America, okay?
I love you.
What have I done?
It's not your fault.
You are a disgrace
to our family, sir.
You fell naked on a TV?
You couldn't fall naked
on to the lady?
You aren't a cheat,
you're a moron!
I wanted to, man and that's..
That's cheating.
If intent is cheating,
the whole world is cheating.
You need an excuse?
You don't want to get married?
Are you scared?
I'm a terrible person, that's why.
She deserves better.
- That's true.
Fuck you!
Should we call off the wedding?
What about all the guests?
Her uncle, the deputy minister,
is going to be there.
And all that food?
Who's going to eat the food?
I'm not going to get married
because a bunch of people
want to eat dinner and have
a good fucking time, all right?
I'm not going to ruin her life!
What about that
dance competition?
Those guys have been
practising forever.
You want to call her? - Oh..
- Will you text her?
No, I have to go there.
I have to tell her,
I have to be a man.
- Oh.
You have to be a man now?
You didn't have to be
a man in that hotel room?
You're a fucking asshole,
you know that?
You're a fucking asshole!
He has so many enemies..
Did you see this? How does
it matter who killed him?
Why should I get shot?
It's your plan.
My plan was to take
a loan, not a bullet. Hey!
We will leave.. It's raining,
give us two minutes.
This reminded us of our childhood.
We're leaving, sir.
I should get shot..
And it's still 50-50?
You take as much as you want.
Feel free.
- 30 for me?
It's my plan.
- Oh..
It's your plan now?
Take as much as you want..
But be reasonable.
70 per cent?
Fucking 70 per cent?
70 is not fucking reasonable..
- Okay, 69.
Look, 65, 35..
That's final.
Come on, let's move.
We're leaving right now.
We'll head down
and we'll take a..
We have to leave.
We have to leave.
Come on.
"Inside a closed fist,
lies my life"
"strung by a string."
"Beloved eyes are full of tears."
"She chants"
"your name"
"even then,
why does darkness prevail?"
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
Don't think about it.
Just don't think about it.
Don't think about anything.
You need to get out of here.
All right?
You're doing nothing wrong.
You hear me?
What are you doing here?
I need to talk to you.
You can't be here, it's bad luck.
That's not true.
- Ask them.
And look at you.
You're not even ready yet.
And your hair!
You didn't get a haircut?
And this beard?
Is something wrong?
Is everything okay?
Can I talk to you?
For a minute.
In private..
Have a nice flight, ma'am.
Let's go. - Hang on, fucker,
you're in a big hurry.
Oh, man.
Is there a doctor nearby?
Yes, one of our men.
Come on, did we
come here to booze?
Okay, great. Great.
So have a safe flight, okay?
I love you.
I-I'll come to Boston.
Yes, of course.
Yes, bye.
How do I look?
You're so
Thank you, baby.
Was that it?
I'm so lucky to have you.
- I know.
What did you want to talk about?
No. Nothing.
I was missing you.
I just wanted to see you.
I love you, baby.
- I love you too, sweetheart.
No, no.. Make-up, lipstick,
hair, everything..
No, no.. Make-up, lipstick,
hair, everything..
Yes. Sorry.
What happened?
Nothing. - Poor baby.
Come here.
Is it better now?
You can mess up my
make-up in sometime.
Now go.
No, baby, seriously, go.
Can you hear it?
- The lift?
- It's breathing.
Hear it?
It's like a living thing.
What's that?
- My birthmark.
My son has a birthmark.
You have a son?
- When he first saw it
he didn't understand
what it was.
He didn't know.
He thought about it
for a couple of days.
He came up to me
and he said, 'Dada..'
He calls me dada.
He said,
'Is this like a map on me'
He said,
'Is this like a map on me'
'so that you never lose me?'
'So that people who
love each other'
'never lose each other..'
I don't want to go.
Go where?
Are you okay?
Where's your son?
You want to go to Chicago?
Oh, God..
- Ready?
Why are you standing
at a distance from me?
The impact will be more,
the mark will be evident. - Hey!
The impact will be more,
the mark will be evident. - Hey!
What if you hit me
somewhere else, by mistake?
No.. Come here.
- No. See. - Listen..
What.. - Enough.
Stand here and shoot.
Okay, fine.
- Yes.
Wait for a minute.
Okay, go ahead.
You're worrying too much.
It'll be fine, relax.
What did you say?
It'll be fine, relax.
What's wrong with you?
Have you lost it?
'It'll be fine, relax?'
Really, fucker?
What's going on in your mind?
What's going on?
- You think I'm a fool?
What are you talking about?
Shall I tell you something?
- Yes.
Do you know why you lose
while playing a card game?
- It's not about luck.
If I tell you..
It'll change your life.
Really? - Yes.
- Tell me.
When you lie..
- ...you lisp.
- ...you lisp.
- You little thief..
You're going to kill me
and grab Rs. 1 Crore?
Isn't it?
That's your plan.
Isn't that your plan?
- Hey!
Have you lost it?
- You think you're smart?
You think I'll kill you?
You're like a brother to me!
Your wife has asked me
to look after you.
I drag you out of gutters
and take you home.
You're doubting me?
Money isn't everything.
Get it?
We've been doing this together
from 4 years. I do all the work.
I've never given you
a chance to complain.
And it took you a minute
to question my worth, fucker?
I lisped, so what?
I'm scared,
I'm about to shoot my buddy.
What if I mess up?
Anything can happen.
You go to hell.
Fuck your plan.
Fuck Raza Bhai!
You all can go to fucking hell!
Let's part ways.. I considered you
my mentor. Fuck you!
Let's part ways.. I considered you
my mentor. Fuck you!
Get lost!
- Go to hell.
Sorry, man.
- What did she say?
- Nothing?
You're still getting married?
He's not getting married?
Who said that?
- You did.
Does Neha know this?
Why aren't you getting married?
What happened?
Why aren't you getting married?
What happened?
He crashed into a TV.
- TV?
What happened?
- Nothing happened.
Of course, I'm getting married.
There's no way I'm not.
I need to get a haircut.
Oh. Now you need to get
a haircut?
I've been going on about it.
Everything will be shut.
It's too late.
He has to get a haircut.
When he shampoos his hair,
his hair stands on end.
Don't shampoo it.
- You can't get married
without shampooing your hair.
Everybody knows that.
That's crazy talk.
You know whatever happened..
It's a sign.
It's a sign of something deeper.
It's not.
Nothing happened.
You're not ready.
You're sabotaging yourself.
If you could get out of this
without hurting anyone
you would.
I know what you're thinking!
No, you don't, all right?
You don't know what I'm thinking.
And I don't need advice
from a guy
who couldn't keep his
own fucking marriage together!
"This is between us.
It's such a long night.."
"This is between us.
It's such a long night.."
"It's such a long night.."
"Night.." - 'This is
the final boarding call'
'for flight 9W232 to New York.'
'All remaining passengers,
please, proceed immediately'
'to gate number 87.'
'This is the final boarding call
for flight 9W232 to New York.'
'All remaining passengers,
please, proceed immediately'
'to gate number 87.'
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The younger brother
is arguing with the man's wife."
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The younger brother
is arguing with the man's wife."
"She still wishes well
for the brother-in-law."
"He shouldn't fight her as she
is his only sister-in-law."
"Nothing delectable
is brought home."
"Take everything else away,
this poor guy doesn't eat it."
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The younger brother
is arguing with the man's wife."
"The dal was delicious"
"but I got upset on being
scolded by my darling."
"Come on, darling,
I will beat you to pulp."
"We will teach you a lesson
for yesterday's scolding."
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The younger brother
is arguing with the man's wife."
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The younger brother
is arguing with the man's wife."
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The black thread
is stuck in the latch."
"The younger brother
is arguing with the man's wife."
Two guys on a motorcycle
came out of nowhere.
They shot Rahmat..
I ran.
Rahmat bhai..
They took all the bags.
How much did we lose?
- All of it.
Rs. 3 Crore?
- You got shot too?
Would you like to have some tea?
- No, sir.
Have some.
You'll feel better.
No, sir.
Sir. One's dead,
the other is stable, he's talking.
I want to meet
the station in-charge.
What is it about?
You're fortunate.
Your friend, Rahmat,
was the unlucky one.
Your friend, Rahmat,
was the unlucky one.
He was his friend, right?
- Yes.
He was more than a brother, sir.
Are you stealing from me?
- Sir!
What are you saying?
Explain it to him
as to why he shouldn't
be stealing from me.
I swear to God,
I've always been loyal.
Sir! - You're screwing me over
in my own house?
- You bastard! - No!
No! - You got shot and there's
no hole in your shirt?
I don't know what happened.
- Should I try?
No, Raza bhai! - Will there be
a hole now? Tell me!
No.. - You're trying
to fool me? - I don't know what..
If you get shot, won't there be a
hole in your shirt? - It will be..
If you get shot, won't there be a
hole in your shirt? - It will be..
- Will there be a hole or not?
Sir, please.
Raza bhai,
I've always been loyal to you.
You got shot.
But there's no hole in your shirt.
"Oh, my love,
you're my treasure."
You came back from the airport?
I went to the airport
because I was scared.
Otherwise, I would
have come sooner..
Hit-and-run? - But I came back.
- You planned to go to America.
Good plan.
Sir, I crossed a green light,
that car jumped a red light.
It wasn't my fault.
- If it wasn't your fault
why did you come back?
like Raja Harishchandra..
No, those two..
Those two guys were
dangerous hitmen.
We were after them
when you had that accident.
In fact,
that's how we caught them.
Thank you.
- You were after them? - Yes.
They killed someone
and were fleeing, even today.
But no one came there.
Don't you watch movies?
Policemen always show up late.
They were.. - What?
- They were hitmen?
They're dead?
I killed them?
They're in the hospital.
And that's where
I'll send them again,
once they're okay.
Where do I file the FIR?
You want a medal?
No, I.. - Why do you want to
add to my paperwork?
Go to America.
Go and study.
But the FIR?
- How many files are here?
Did you see? It's done.
Please, just go.
I say, go.
I'll take the medal,
if you don't mind.
Thank you.
- Mhatre.
Educating the girl child
leads to progress.
Carry on.
I don't even know your name.
I don't even know your name.
This can only go two ways.
I tell you my name, we chit-chat,
you go your way, I go mine.
We never see each other again.
Whether you know my name or not,
it really doesn't matter.
Just another name to forget.
Two, we chit-chat,
go our separate ways..
Then in a day or two, you see my
number on your phone, you call, I..
- Why?
Why do I call first?
Okay, I call. Egomaniac.
- I'm not.
Why would you assume
I'm dying to talk to you?
Maybe you're the one staring
at my number on your phone
and you keep waiting
for me to call and I don't.
Because I'm busy and I'm
not even thinking about you.
And pretty soon, you can't
take it anymore and you call.
Because I can't take it anymore?
Okay, so I call.
We meet, we hang out,
stuff happens.. - Stuff happens?
What kind of stuff?
You know, first base,
second base.. - Really?
First date?
- No?
So, where am I getting
to on the first date?
Not second base.
Not even first.
- Really?
I don't think I'm going
to call you then.
There's no other way to
connect with another human being?
A great conversation,
a meeting of.. - Versus shagging?
Are you kidding?
For argument's sake,
let's assume, first base happens.
No, too much work.
Okay, second base.
You'll go to second
base on the first date?
Does your mother know?
- Shut up.
Then what?
Then we fall in love.
And then I die.
So it's all really pointless.
Then you die?
Don't be dramatic.
Then you die?
Don't be dramatic.
No, I'm dying.
- Yes, we're all dying.
No, I'm really dying.
I have got cancer.
Three months..
So if you know my name or not,
it's pointless.
You're lying.
You're just pulling my leg.
You're just pulling my leg,
aren't you?
I don't care what your name is.
I will kiss you.
- What?
I will kiss you.
Right here, right now.
You're going to kiss me?
Why, because now you're
feeling sorry for me?
No, because I've been dying to.
You call that a kiss?
Is that a kiss?
Marry me.
Hey, lovers, the ones enjoying
the rain.. That's my bench!
You can't just sit there.
You got to pay tax.
Come on now.
Come, sit.
Sit, it's mine.
What does that mean?
- That.
You and me.
What does it mean?
I don't know.
"Jive all night with you.."
Are you going to call?
- "What to do?"
Or do I have to call first,
"Jive all night with you.."
I might call. - "We are together,
on this night." - You might call.
- What?
My name.
"Let's look into
each other's eyes."
"My nights are meaningless
unless you are by my side."
"Let's whisper promises
into each other's ears."
"Let's have fun,
let's be wayward."
"Jive all night with you.."
"Jive all night with you.."
"What to do?
Jive all night with you.."
"We are together,
on this night."
"Mercilessly, with
these kohl rimmed eyes"
"you cast a spell on me
when you flashed a smile."
"Now, I've understood that you are
the huntsman and I'm the prey."
that were forgotten about"
"have come back
to haunt us tonight."
"It'll make a place
in your heart"
"and urge you
to make a start."
"Dark clouds have devoured
the sky"
"but then why are the vultures
flying high!"
"You'd gone to tame the oceans
with your might"
"but then why did you come back
thirsty tonight!"
"There's hunger but religion
seems better and stronger."
"There's sin, there's paradise,
just pick yourself and rise."
"Put on a suit and pants
that you don't use."
"The high can be fatal."
"Resort to new ways, buy a piece
of this sky, prove your mettle."
"Feast with your eyes, kick back
and take a bigger drag."
"Rub your luck"
"with a silverspoon
and be awestruck."
"Come on tonight"
"I'll give you new wings
made of gold."
"How long will your heart
hold you back!"
"Once you get in
you'll curse the test."
"Your gaze makes me feel
sorry for you."
"Your gaze makes me feel
sorry for you."
"If you have the courage
try to match it with mine."
"How long will your heart
hold you back!"
"Once you get in
you'll curse the test."
"Your gaze makes me feel
sorry for you."
"If you have the courage
try to match it with mine."