Jack, Jules, Esther & Me (2013)

All right.
- Here we go, here we go, here we go!
Dude, this place is fucking awe...
- Dude.
Your brother going to rehab was one of
the best things to ever happen to us.
Right, dude?
This place is freaking sweet!
You know that if you smoke
Viagra, your whole body gets hard.
I know what happens
when you don't smoke that.
Oh, man!
Look at you, dude!
Remember the goat?
Come on, Jesus!
The funny part is, it was soda.
He's not gonna take it, bro.
- No?
Dude, what the fuck
are you watching?
Dude, I'm watching
Smurf porn, Jack.
It's so blue!
- Oh, Papa Smurf!
Oh, papa. - All right! Papa.
Pay attention.
Holy shit, man!
Did you just Power Point us?
Yes, I did. This is serious.
directionless, underachieving, etcetera.
Then, January 17, 2006,
I meet Jules
at Jack's Bar Mitzvah.
Everything changes.
Dude, you're Jewish?
No, not really.
It was a really great party, though.
- It was.
I figured I might as well,
you know.
I don't
ask for her number. Four years pass.
A lot of sadness, masturbation...
just a corrupt soul.
Then, April 19th, 2010,
Model Congress,
Jules nominates me to be her VP.
We run on a platform of racial harmony...
- Yeah!
Educational reform...
- Hmm!
General ass-kicking.
We win.
She kisses me on the neck.
It was intimate and intense.
Dude, it looks like
she head-butted you.
Uh regardless,
it was enough to say,
"Hey maybe not now, but someday,
when I don't have a boyfriend. "
My life changes.
I-I-I become interested in politics,
Obama, and...
all that social justice stuff.
All because of Jules!
And now,
now she's single.
I gather courage,
the plan begins.
- What?
7:30pm, we hit Vicio's restaurant.
- Nice.
for 14, Seven guys, seven girls.
It's just chill, you know.
No one's feeling
any romantic tension.
9:15pm, we hit Lavo.
A couple of smooth beverages, you
know, I'm near Jules. Not hovering.
And then Jack and I suggest that
we walk to Wexler's party.
Take the scenic route, cross the
- Slip it in.
- And then, at approximately... 11:17pm.
Take one, pass it down.
You want me to say this line,
you rich private school kids.
Give me your money or I'm
gonna make you anally pregnant?"
I fucking love that line, and I
don't even get it. - I'm gonna...
I'm gonna anally ram you.
I feel like I should say that.
I feel like that sounds better.
It's-it's... "ass pregnant",
And then I say, "Everybody
be calm, just be cool. "
And then you say?
"Listen you, I'm only afraid of
God and Luis Sosa.
So you better step off. "
I-I don't know, dude.
I mean...
I heard Jules doesn't
even date dudes, anymore.
He's not wrong.
I'm not sure it's true
but there's a persistent rumor
she loves boobies
as much as I do.
That's a lot, dude.
I mean, I heard a rumor that
she was dating some college guy.
Whatever, you know.
We leave for school in a week.
If I don't do anything now, she's definitely
going to get with some other dude.
So, it's now or never.
The plan is like,
fucking holy, man.
- Oh!
- Let's do this shit.
Hello, man.
- Ah!
You know I am, dude. It's J.L.
Power Productions, our last hurrah.
Not our last.
Oh, you know
what I meant, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
See ya.
- See you later, man.
Ready for this one?
Oh! Yeah Uh-huh
My name is a...
Costa Rica
Uh-huh, yeah
My name is one
For my people, for my people
Dig on, dig on
Yeah! Chile, Bolivia
My name is a...
Guatemala, uh!
My name is one
Cuba, put the label
Don't it for me,
do it for unity
Those are your brothers
some different colors
It's the way
it's supposed to be
Don't do it for me
do it for the beat
Whether you came
from a city of beats
Make something out of nothing
yeah, that's always about
Not about who got
a bigger mouth in the cloud
Yeah, I wanna show bros the A-love
because it comes from the from bottom above...
Oh! There you are.
Come here.
What's up, guys?
Hey, dad.
Were you at work?
- Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no.
Jack has a party on Saturday
por la noche and...
I'm booked.
Well, we'll do it
Saturday afternoon.
Do we have to have a party?
Well then, let me have a party
so I don't feel so sad.
Oh, they're not gonna come
all the way out here.
Just ask.
Where you going?
I'm late, um...
What's up?
Yo, problem.
Somebody ratted me out to Lena, and
she just sent me a text saying that,
I was a fucking man whore, and I
should go fuck myself and get AIDS ASAP.
Uh, shit, dude! Just call
her back and apologize.
Bro, she wished AIDS on me.
Okay, AIDS, man.
She's not coming out tonight.
Yo, hurry up,
douche bag!
Give me one second, all right? I'm in the
middle of a fucking critical chat, over here.
Where are you?
Me, Dougie and Helmet are taking
on some fucking poseurs from Dwight.
Yo, we go to Birch
Wathen, asshole! -Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
Some fucking douche bags
from Birch Wathen, my bad.
What are you doing there?
You gotta get showered!
Well, Lena's not coming. And none of
our friends are coming either, okay?
And I left out the capper.
Because her dad says
he's gonna sue me
unless his lawyer can personally
administer an STD test.
My fucking penis
is legal evidence.
Jules isn't friends with Lena.
She still might come.
Dude, I already texted
everybody, all right?
We're... we're regrouping,
Plan 2.0 for Christmas break.
Christmas break?
No, no, no, no.
Dude! Text everyone
back. We can fix this.
Give us that ball, now.
Oh my God, are you serious?
Because, check it out.
Now what?
Yeah, seriously.
That's what... that's what up.
Tell Jules,
to meet us at your house.
You do it, man!
I'm fucking embarrassed.
It's not like
she'll be surprised.
Just text her.
That way, it won't look like,
I'm making a move.
Just, the three of us?
No, we'll get another girl.
Uh, keep it casual.
We'll start at your house.
Just get home, get ready, I'll be
over in your house in an hour...
With, bro?
No, no, no, come on.
Oh, what-what's up Carlos?
What you doing?
Going through my contacts list.
I'ma-I'ma gonna have to ask you
for a favor...
Uh... actually,
I may need one too.
Uh... I have to shower.
Yo, you gonna wear this shirt?
Yeah, why not?
If I was you... I'd do less.
That shirt cost $200!
Yo, you're going out with Jack?
Cool, cause um...
I was wondering if you
could talk to him about me.
Cause you got that job this summer,
working in his dad's office...
It's a shitty fucking job.
Yeah, I know, but you're
going away to college,
and maybe they need somebody.
Oh, I thought you said you were
gonna go back to school and finish.
Yeah, well, I am
but don't press me like that.
I didn't get a scholarship like you did
in 6th grade to go to a fancy school...
Don't we say, we weren't
going to talk about that.
All right. I'm just
saying, it's good money...
maybe you could talk
to his parents.
Yeah, I'll-Ill think about it.
Yo, you're getting a message...
From who?
Who's Esther?
What's it say?
That she could go.
We're back on!
Dude, I said I was sorry.
Relax, chill, man.
Dude! I said "Relax. "
I'm covered. I'm covered. It's covered.
"Something from Nothing" ]
I got the feeling now,
Our worlds must defy
Wondering how
we'll work it out
When they re-collide
Will you ever be my friend?
Necessary it will end
Do you have a pen or something?
For me to sign.
You... are you delivering?
Uh, no, um... are you Jack?
Luis told me to-
- Oh!
You're um...
- Esther!
Well, come on in.
Melda, come on!
Uh, Jesus, dude!
What did you take?
Uh, nothing
Okay, Esther's gonna be here any
minute, so you have to go get dressed.
No, no, she's...
What's up?
Whoa, whoa!
Watch out.
Pitching a major channel rear.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Dude, I'm not into this.
Okay, you know that
I don't dig on Asians.
She's fucking hot!
Did you not look at her?
Kinda, I mean but... fuck man!
Nobody double dates anymore.
Okay, we're not middle-aged
and who is she?
'Cause I don't know that girl.
I texted like, 30 girls and
she's the only one who would come.
She was in my SAT class.
What SAT class?
I told you, I had to take a
crappy class in Rego Park.
Rego what?
She's from Queens.
We were
in a study group together.
She might be nice,
I didn't really talk to her...
She might be nice,
I didn't really talk to her.
That's the worst recommendation ever!
- Okay, whatever!
She's hot enough! She's
here! She wants to have fun!
Go get dressed!
Bro, Jules isn't coming.
Did you text her?
Can we just ditch her and just
get some falafel or something.
All right, all right!
I'm texting her right now.
Are you mad?
Just don't be mad.
You made it.
Yeah, um...
I was supposed to go out with
my cousin but it's no big deal.
Do you live around here?
Oh, hell no.
Jackson Heights.
Uh... he's-he's just
getting changed.
Hey, I-I forgot to ask you,
Where you gonna go to school?
Q.C., the place to be.
Uh, Queens College, um...
It's super cheap.
Close to home.
My parents would be lost
without me, so.
But, what about you?
Uh, Willhurst.
You-you probably never
heard of it. It's like a...
No, um...
I've definitely heard of it.
I um... actually applied there.
You must have killed me
on the SAT.
Yeah, I don't know about that.
I probably got like,
a minus 200.
I didn't even know
that was possible.
Well, it is.
Sorry for the delay.
Everything good?
All clear, bro.
So... you two dated
or... you just fucked, or...?
All right,
It's just messing with you.
I thought'd be funny.
So, what school are you...
- Princeton. - ... going?
You must have amazing grades.
Yeah, not really.
I kinda had the inside track.
You know, it helps if there's a library
there that's named after your grandfather.
Thanks, Grandpa Abe.
What about you?
Where are you going?
You look like, crazy smart.
Oh, yeah.
How can you tell?
Well, you're...
Is she okay?
Melda, yeah.
She's just very temperamental.
Boy, she doesn't speak English, so I
never really know why she's pissed off.
Uh... so, we're meeting up with your
friends and going to a restaurant?
Well, uh, we have to pick
a different restaurant
because we lost the reservations
to the one I told you about.
There's supposed to be 14 of us,
now, there's just four.
Maybe, three.
Did you?
I-I texted her but she
hasn't texted back, yet.
We'll pick
a different restaurant,
uh... we'll hit a club,
and then there's this party.
Uh... you said you had a gift
certificate to that restaurant
I... I didn't bring
a lot of money.
Oh, no!
We-we can cover you.
And I'm not 21.
You have an I.D.?
Are you... like, undocumented?
I just...
I just don't have a fake ID.
What's your problem?
- We can fix this.
When you texted me, you
didn't mention the other plan.
I just thought you'd be cool
with it all, because you know?
It's not like you had
anything to do tonight, right?
I didn't mean for it
to come out that way.
Um... - Bro, she's clearly
not into this, all right?
The whole plan's fucked.
Uh, it doesn't matter
because you should stay!
Why? So you can keep bragging
about how lucky you are?
Forget it.
I'm gonna go now.
I worked hard
for everything I got.
Just because you screwed up your SATs
doesn't mean you have to hold it against me.
Are you serious?
'Cause I'm not an idiot.
I got good grades.
I didn't get straight A's but that's because
I had to work everyday for my parents.
I'm sorry you didn't get
into Willhurst.
I did get in!
Then why aren't you going?
Because I didn't get any
scholarship money like I bet you did.
Yeah, I did, but what does
that have to do with you?
'Cause some minorities
are more valuable than others,
even if they get
minus 200 on the SAT.
Are you serious?
- Hey, dude.
I got As.
At least two or three As.
So don't act like
you're so much smarter than me.
What'd you get on the SAT?
Are you serious?
What'd you get?
I did good.
You did good?
I did well.
Whatever the fuck
the word it is!
Maybe not as good as you but you don't
have to be a fucking bitch about it.
I'm going.
Oh, good!
Hey, dude, um...
Jules is on her way up.
What do you want to do?
Hey, wait!
Uh, don't go yet.
Why, you think of
some better insults?
I'm sorry
I said that stuff.
I'm sure you earned
your scholarship.
So what do I know?
It's just...
I thought this dinner was gonna
be a different kind of thing.
Actually, I don't know
what I was thinking.
Since we never even
talked in class, so...
No hard feelings.
It's just...
not what I thought.
Good luck at school.
Oh, no, wait.
I'm sorry I was rude.
I'm gonna be really honest with
you 'cause this is my last chance.
I mean, there's this girl
coming over, and I'm...
I've been in love
with her forever.
And tonight, it was my chance.
But everything got screwed up
at the last minute.
That's when you texted me?
She leaves for Dartmouth
in a week.
And I just know some dude
is gonna romance her.
Who knows about like, yachting
and all that stuff and I just...
I just-I just wanna dazzle her
before she forgets me.
What do you want me to do?
Just hang out with us.
Four is more balanced
than three.
It won't exactly
be a double date but...
I'm supposed to be with Jack?
Jules is on her way up.
It should be fun, okay?
It, uh...
If I crash and burn,
it will at least be memorable.
It-it could be
an-an epic failure.
If I stay,
you can't be an asshole.
It's kinda harsh.
He'll be better.
We both will.
"High Society"]
I feel special, the welcoming
committee is out for me.
I'm Jules.
Um... so, what's the plan?
Um... into the apartment?
Out of the apartment?
Uh... in.
For now.
Let's go!
My friend Frank
He sent me a note
It said I am so lonely
Would you be my lover...
Shit, dude.
Which one do we start with?
Just grab one that looks fancy.
They're all fancy.
We want... oak?
I... I don't want to leave
the girls alone together.
Wine is so pussy.
Are we really...
- Hey, just give it to me.
Bro, that's a bottle opener.
- Yeah, I know.
Well, it's not gonna open
any one of these.
You need to calm down.
I met Lou in SAT class.
And then uh, Jack, um...
Oh, hey Melda!
Is she all right?
Um... yeah.
She's a little grumpy.
Do you know her?
Yeah, um... I actually
used to live below, but...
Our, uh, our moms would
do yoga videos together,
so Jack and I would have
play dates.
But... but then we moved
to the West Side,
and then to...
to Tribeca
and then back
to the West Side, so.
Wow, how many times
have you moved?
Um... my dad's an architect
so he's always like,
buying new places and
remodeling them.
Oh my...
Is that a Chewy Chips Ahoy?
Thank you.
That is a lot of wine, Jack.
Yeah, we couldn't really make up
our mind, so we just brought a few.
Um... how many people
are coming?
Well, it could be just us four.
Oh, so are we still
going to dinner at...?
Uh, no, we lost our
reservations. They were for 14.
I guess you heard about Lena.
Have you looked at your
Facebook page lately, Jack?
It's like a war zone.
Actually pretty amazing.
So, uh, we could... choose a
different restaurant or we could cook?
You have a massive kitchen!
Dude, I don't even think
the oven works.
I've never seen anyone use it.
And how do you eat?
You wanna cook with me?
Yeah, yeah, um...
You're always bragging
about your mom's cooking.
Let's see what you got.
What's up?
Um... now what?
I'm sure we can make spaghetti.
They must have that, right?
That's possible.
Um... so...
Who is... the...?
Yeah, I... um...
I mean, is she like his new...
I don't know, we have all just
been hanging out a lot lately.
Hanging out?
I get it.
Get what?
I mean, Lou was right.
You're hot.
I get it.
Does that work on all the girls
you hang out with?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, making an
observation, not hitting on you.
I was hitting on you.
You'd know, trust me.
I'll look out for that.
Um... what...
Can I ask you a question?
Why did he text me?
I... I mean, you know, he's kind
of been ignoring me all year and...
so I didn't really see it
coming. - Oh, I-I-I told him to.
You did?
I-I just wanted all of us to get together.
Uh, I wanted to see you
before you went to school.
We totally should've hung out
more this summer!
Um... why didn't you call me?
Yeah, uh, I was... just nervous.
Um... there's something wrong with the
housekeeper and Jack's freaking out.
"Can't Stick 'Em"]
Did you eat
all these chocolates?
Did... This box is empty.
Melda, did you eat
all the chocolates?
Jack, what is happening, man?
- Oh, it's so bad.
What are you trying to say, dude?
- Just throw up, right now.
Stick your fingers
down your throat, like this.
You stick your fingers
down your throat, it's so easy.
I'll show you.
- Jack, Jack, Jack! What's going on?
Why are you trying to make her throw up?
- Okay.
It's not as bad as it's gonna
sound but it's-it's...
Okay, then, what is it?
Well, she must have been
cleaning my room
and going through my drawers,
which she's not supposed to do!
- You don't go through my dr...
She found my chocolate stash,
And-and-and she ate all of them.
I think she ate all of them.
- Oh, fuck!
They're chocolate covered shrooms and
she must be tripping out of her mind!
Shit! We should call an
ambulance. No, no, no.
Don't call an ambulance.
You see, she fucking
understands English! I knew it!
She doesn't have papers, that's
why she's yelling no ambulance!
Is she gonna die, because...
She's not gonna die!
Why would you say that?
No one's gonna die.
Mushrooms are natural,
from the earth.
- So just fucking think, man.
Fucking think!
- Think of what?
What was going on?
She doesn't...
We need to find a way to...
You can speak to her, right?
'Cause she's Filipino
and you're Asian.
I'm Korean!
There's no universal
Asian language!
Are you that fucking stupid?
I thought maybe they're similar!
Don't yell at me!
We need everybody...
needs to chill out.
Just chill out, all right?
Translator, like a guide, man. - Are
you fucking kidding me? - No, no, no.
A guide? - Someone to guide
her... - Are you serious?
...through this amazing journey!
It could be... magical!
I-I-I think we should just calm down.
I just remembered
my old babysitter, Pylar?
She's Filipino
and she's a nurse.
I can call her and she
can just translate for us.
It's all gonna be okay.
I'm good, how are you?
Um... what...
I'm-I'm just wondering, we're having
a little bit of a problem right now.
What are you doing?
That's fantastic!
Yeah, that's why
she's the President, bro.
She gets shit done.
Is she gonna be okay?
Yeah, she's a trouper.
She'll pull through.
She'll be fine.
She's okay.
Hey man,
do you have any pasta here?
Um... I don't have any money.
I got it.
- Cool.
Uh... here!
Just... take it all.
Are those notes?
so I'm considerate and shit.
Dude, this isn't
a job interview.
Okay, you got to relax.
I don't know.
I'm rolling with this!
I mean, your housekeeper
is in the den tripping balls!
The girls are about to leave, and the plan
keeps changing. - All right, all right!
Put this away, 'cause that's not
gonna help anything. - Okay, now.
You have to be cool with
Esther. - Hey, hey! - Seriously.
We got this.
Why are you touching me?
Why are you yelling?
I shake my head real loose
'Cause I'm no one
you'll meant to
Jenn all last will have it...
How was your summer...
uh, plans?
My plans?
I mean, how was your summer?
Oh, dude, that's gotta be
seriously boring.
No, actually,
it was really boring.
I interned at Legal Aid.
But pretty much
just photocopied.
What did you do, Jack?
Yeah, what did you do?
You know what?
Let's play a game.
Wait, do we have time for that?
Dude, yes.
I mean, we all
just witnessed some crazy shit.
You know, I think we're all
a little rattled.
But we have alcohol.
We do have alcohol.
I say, we go guys vs girls.
Do you really want him
to be your partner?
Yeah... I was just thinking
that same question.
I... really can't drink.
Well, just don't lose, then.
We can totally take them.
It was a couple cards
in whites
which they kept me inside...
Okay, first question.
Keeping it simple.
Um... favorite animal!
Koala bear.
Koala bear?
I wonder.
One. Two. Three.
I actually like Koala bears.
The creepy fields
outside at night...
Secret summer activities.
Now, this is a real event
that occurred, okay?
Had sex with Jack.
It wasn't me.
summer's not over yet, okay?
It's true. I did make... - That is not
fair! - ... love to myself many times.
So, I can absolutely put myself.
Just like that.
Just like... drink!
Number of dudes or dudettes that
Esther came out with this summer.
Thanks, guys.
We have to drink.
All right, nice. Drink. Drink.
All right.
All right,
we're entering a new phase now.
New phase.
Embarrassing sexual situations.
Getting dry humped
by my AP Bio partner?
Two, three.
You're the only one
who went to a co-ed school!
You're right, right.
- Wait, what happened?
I don't know, I mean,
it was all really quick.
We were just making out and then suddenly,
he made this really weird face, like.
Or something and it was over.
I-I-I don't know.
- I've... I've made that face.
Was I with you, when...?
Dude, no.
- No?
Why you keep looking at me?
I'm not gonna have sex with you.
I'd have to get
a lot more drunk.
Well then here.
Then that's what...?
No, no, no, no, no.
We've already covered that Jack
here is a man whore. - Umph.
And I keep prematurely
ejaculating on everybody.
But you're like, mysterious.
Yeah, you're single.
Nobody knows
why you broke up with um...
- Robbie!
What happened?
Why'd you break up with him?
Yeah, what did he do?
- Nothing.
That's what he says.
It's all... mysterious.
Shit! My breath smells
like paint thinner.
Does anyone have like,
ten sticks of gum?
I should actually go.
You have to go to the party, I mean,
just watching Jack there will be worth it.
Oh, shit yeah, we should go.
We should not go.
Yeah, Lena might be there.
See, that doesn't sound
like fun for me.
Actually, that does like fun.
We can cut through the park.
Get to the party in like,
uh, uh, 45 minutes?
Why-why do you keep on
checking your phone?
Is there like, a surprise party
that we're going to or something?
It'll be great to get like, air.
Dude, we're outside.
Right now.
Well, what am I gonna tell
my parents?
You could tell them
you're at your cousin's!
I've like, never lied to them.
- Whoa, whoa.
Parents want to be lied to,
It's like an
evolutionary survival thing.
Seriously, I haven't told my parents
one honest thing since I was 12
and we have, like, the best
relationship ever.
You know, I wouldn't mind
watching you get humiliated.
It-is that gonna happen?
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna need to get
a lot more drunk.
Esther, come on!
Shots, shots, shots.
It's a good mile
I'll never make her
Not knew it was my time
Oh, oh
Wait, who are you texting?
We're supposed to meet up with some
guys but they're not gonna make it.
No, it's cool.
I'm kinda glad it's just us.
Yeah, me too.
You fucking rich kids.
We're gonna smack your asses.
Give us your money!
Yeah, fucking hurry up.
Everybody be calm, just be cool.
- Hurry up, yo, we're gonna...
...ram your ass.
Just be cool.
Dude, they're speaking
fucking Mexican!
This is real!
Seriously, this is not.
- Okay, everybody just be cool!
Here, you know what?
You know what?
Here, you can just... have that.
Lou, do you know this guys?
- No!
Just be cool!
- Hey rich kids!
Give us your quarter or your...
We'll anally wreck you!
Fucking run, man! This are
real... they're real muggers.
9-1-1! Call 9-1-1!
Bro, are this guys packing heat?
My man, I'm gonna fuck you up!
Relax, relax.
Okay... whoa!
All right, all right, all right,
all right, all right!
They're not real muggers,
this are my friends.
You're fucking friends
with Latin Kings?
Yo, I'm gonna bust your ass!
This is Carlos,
I told you about him.
He wants to work
in your dad's building.
Damn, Lou!
Great way to ask!
The fuck, man!
This is Dougie and Max
with a fucking stupid helmet.
What up?
I thought they were gonna...
you know, flake.
So I asked Carlos and Victor.
He's the one who's sister you...
What the fuck did you say?
Step off, man!
Step off!
Step off? Who the fuck
says "step off," man?
It's not... He didn't have
sex with her, you know?
She told me he finished in like,
three seconds.
Yo, you think you're better
than us, but you're not.
We could've got arrested.
What's going on, here?
He's embarrassed to tell you that
he likes you, so we had to mug you.
Fucking genius!
I'm sorry.
I thought he was gonna
write you a poem.
Everybody knew except for me?
Yeah, I'm gonna need to change my
look if we're gonna go to that party.
So... does everybody know
about your plan?
Yo, Lou!
Yeah, haha.
Some of the guys, but um...
I feel like everybody's
looking at me.
It could be just
because you're beautiful.
How is my situation, right now?
You haven't hung out
with many girls, have you?
My mom likes me.
Uh-uh... I mean,
she kind of has to.
Yeah, my sister.
She really likes me.
Okay, well, anyone
who is not related to you?
I'm a quick learner.
Give me pointers.
How about...
If you like someone, you should
talk to them and not lie to them.
Yeah... I have all kinds
of crazy conversations with you.
Just mostly in my head.
Oh, fuck!
Are those Lena's friends?
- Yeah.
How was your summer?
So, like, you already have
another girlfriend?
Oh, I'm not his girlfriend.
I... actually think
he's kind of a jerk.
He is!
She had to like, O.D. on
Xanax just to stop heaving.
Now, she's gonna look like
a freak at orientation.
Did you... tell Lena?
Tell what?
I just thought maybe you
were the one that told her.
You know, after we...
I was getting over
being wait-listed at Swarthmore!
I can't believe
you'd bring that up!
You're such an asshole!
Oh my God!
Do you ever... feel...
like... everything you do
is just...
A lot...
I mean, you go first.
wasn't the first time
I lied to my parents.
I actual...
How many times...
did you...
cheat on your girlfriend?
I don't know.
I don't exactly remember.
We should probably
go back downstairs.
What an asshole!
I mean, the plan is over.
I swear.
Just... hang out
with me a little?
Just a little longer?
No more surprises.
Ho-ho-ho shit, Lou!
Dougie just challenged you and
Jack to a free style throw-down.
No, he didn't.
Yeah, he did.
- I did.
Let's go, man.
What's a free style throw-down?
Uh, he's just playing with me.
Were you guys gonna rap
about me?
I see now that,
that was a bad idea.
Uh, would you like to go
somewhere else?
Would you please
get me out of here?
I would give you my kidney, man.
No one's ever written
a rap for me before.
Bro, please.
- Oh, come on.
I-I-I... fine!
JL Power Productions!
Rap battle!
Rap battle!
Woo! Everybody come around! Come around!
All right.
- Come on, come on, come on.
Yeah! Everybody come
around, come around.
Woo, woo, woo! - Let's
go boys! - All right.
Play the beat down!
- Jack!
Here's to you, Louis
and I apologize for being
unreliable in Stevie Wonder's eyes
It's true I made a mess,
and now I'm in it
It's true I got more STDs
than an AIDs clinic Oh!
Also, I'm your boy
So don't forget that,
the cat in the hat
The hat that had the fun
that we had
And here we are
phase three completed
I kind of fucked it up
but still not defeated
We made it through the park, like
Madonna, through the wilderness
For real, dude, I hope we
never tell our children this
I've have to tell why
we do the things we do
and I don't know what to say,
except "You stick with your crew"
And then my kids will say "Dad,
what's wrong with Uncle Lou?"
And I will say "I don't know,
I never knew. "
All I know is "What the fuck
went wrong with this night. "
And then I think nothing,
baby, everything is right.
What up, Lou?
There we go.
Got this!
Jules this is for you
I'm kind obsessed
I don't know what to do
I always lose my breath when
I see you around my school
You changed my life
it may sound crazy but true
And I only joined
Model Congress because of you
I can't explain through words
it goes beyond this
I know you're right for me
so screw our wrongness
Every time I'm with you,
I wish we never part, so...
Fuck this fucking cards
I'm coming from the heart
Sometimes I wish
you could just see me
more than a friend
and not just a V.P.C.
I got my heart in my sleeves
and it ain't hard to tell
You could be Barack
and I could be Michelle
This whole night was a set-up
and I'm sorry that I lied
I wanted to impress you,
I'm not sorry that I tried
Jack fucked it up tonight
What a surprise
but I'll bet he'll just say
that it's a blessing
in disguise?
The kid's a lost cause, yo,
it's funny when he tries
He can't take shit,
he's like a promo who's high
Now, what to make of Jack
you know I can never hate him
The kid my best friend
so I already forgave him
So unaware I be worried
if he lived alone
the only woman "Clueless"
is Alicia Silverston
I know you're kind of slow
and I don't mean no disrespect
but this night is for her
so, I digress
The artist's artist
won't give you the time
just yells their head off
She's sick with the standard
She's waiting in line
It's a shaky science
the reading of minds
That changes does it?
It's pretty freaky
And you didn't know she left
your paper in the laser shop
My head is spinning
She might be dreaming
And if you couldn't tell she
had a vision in a prism stop
Watch out,
the slide down might be dirty
Ha, too bad!
The artist's artist
Too young for the years...
What is the deal with this room?
I was supposed to reserve the
place with my mom's credit card,
but I forgot...
And then I lost
the credit card, so.
So we improvised!
This is the best I could do
with my card.
It-It's still sweet.
There's like, a walk-in closet.
Come on.
It doesn't tell at all.
Oh, shit!
It's on Lou.
That's like...
Thats like, destiny, man,
pointing right at you. - Um...
Do private school kids
play spin the bottle?
When we were like twelve, maybe.
I just want to say, I was not
included in any of those games.
Maybe make up for it.
But if it lands on Jack,
you guys have to make out.
Okay, but wait.
Here's the D.E... L.
Here's the deal.
Here's the deal, people.
It's old schooled rules.
So closet time
for whomever it lands on.
Come on.
Shit, dude.
Well, I guess you should show me
this walk-in closet.
A little nervous, um.
The room smells pretty weird.
Do you want to play a game?
What kind?
Role playing.
Wait, wait but no.
No, hear me out.
I'm gonna be like,
the Baron of Spain.
And I'm gonna have like, a
shipping company, okay?
And you will be, and wait
because this is the best part.
You're gonna be, like...
Do you even know
what you're about to say?
No, I have no idea.
About to say.
Was that okay?
- Oh.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry, no.
I um...
It's just kind of weird
with them next to me, you know.
I'm sure they're having fun.
I mean, you know Jack.
Yeah, I know Jack.
How do you know Jack?
That's my baby daddy, Jack?
Please tell me there's one girl in
your school that hasn't gotten with him.
Jack just took his pants off
and I'm feeling like a group
activity would be better, now.
She said go for it!
There's, I... it's...
I'm not like,
a raging rape-aholic.
No, you're just an asshole.
I... wouldn't have...
done anything.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm really tired so I'm just,
I'm just gonna go.
- I'm sorry, Lou.
No, maybe we can, can
hang out tomorrow.
Yeah, maybe.
Just call me.
I should probably head out, too.
This has been really crazy but...
- Oh, wait, wait.
No, no, but-but... we can
hang out tomorrow, right?
Good luck at school.
What the hell happened in here?
I was only in there
for two minutes!
Just playing head games, bro.
I don't even know
what's going on.
I'm confused.
I'm a little turned on.
Dude, put your pants on.
Dude, they're off already, uh.
Hey, um, listen.
I can't go home.
I told my parents
I'm staying at my cousins, um.
Can I stay with you?
Are you all right?
That's my dad.
He's supposed to be closing
a deal in Jakarta or something.
That's not your mom?
Let's just go.
My parents...
they're not perfect.
I mean...
I don't know, they can be...
really protective and...
They don't know English
that well, so...
I get worried.
I'll have to leave them
at some point, you know.
Is that why you're staying home
for school?
That and...
I'll have to kidnap several
small children to pay for it.
Like, really cute kids who's
parents have buckets of money.
I mean...
I have like, a lot of
really cute cousins and..
You could totally f them up, so.
Oh, God.
Shut up! It could work.
- Um.
Um, fuck!
- Sorry!
Um, is this really
gonna go online?
Yeah! I mean but it's not like you, you.
It's like, Super Sexy Esther.
I think I want a different name.
Well, like what?
Katherine with a K?
Like middle-aged Katherine?
No, with a C.
Oh, no! I like it, I
like it! Put it down.
What was that
with you and Jules?
Dude, the plan isn't evolving.
You know, there's...
so many... angles on it now.
I mean, Esther's into you man.
Did you know that?
She made out with you.
Yeah, but...
...that's only because
she's like, jealous or...
...turned on or something.
Are you making out
with some girl in the room.
They're both into you.
I don't know.
It's like...
You make honesty and sincerity
like... sexy.
Um, okay.
Next question is.
What would be your
positively perfect first kiss?
Um... keep... pants... on.
Oh, God!
Can I just say,
I'm really sorry about that?
Don't be.
I mean...
I don't know
what I was thinking,
kissing him.
- No, no, no.
He's funny.
- Jake.
And I mean, when he's
not like, lying or being a jerk,
he's kind of sweet, so.
known him since you were little?
I don't know,
just bring me a cup, man.
There was this one time
um, Bring me a cup, man.
were were like six or something.
we were playing hide and seek
because that was like, our
favorite game in the whole world.
And, um... I had like,
went into the basement
and crammed myself
between this two washing machines.
- Oh, God!
But Jack, like, got bored after a while
and went upstairs and started watching TV.
So, I was down there,
for like, an hour.
This is uncomfortable.
Oh, I have rug burn on my dick.
And by the time he came and found
me, I was really upset, but...
I don't know, he...
like, took me upstairs and...
made me a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich.
He's the first boy
I ever kissed.
And other stuff, too.
Lou knows that?
I saw your penis.
You wanna show me yours?
I'm good.
Are we gonna be friends
next year?
Of course.
'Cause my cousin moved.
And now I don't...
ever talk to him.
You have to remember to...
...do shit.
You don't remember anything.
Dude, come on.
Hey, can you come to my party
on Saturday?
That's... tricky because...
You see?
That's what I'm talking about!
Dude, all right!
I'll be there.
Just... cookie me.
Locked in these arms since
the night although had it say
Hold me so tight, so I
can't breath the night away
This tears that are rolling
down this cheeks
And no one is
sinking beneath this sheets
And taking it badly
this days
Been taking it badly...
...this days
these days
Been taking it
badly this days
Been taking it
badly this days
These days
They gave me permission!
It-it's my last weekend.
They're not gonna come.
Did you ask?
Papa, come on.
I'm ju...
I'll ask.
Okay? I'm-I'm really late.
Are you sure
you don't wanna like,
grab breakfast
somewhere or something?
No, I'm late.
I have to work.
But... thanks for
letting me crash.
Of course!
I had a lot of fun last night.
Me, too.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, hey!
I didn't know you crashed here.
But, uh, uh, I got flowers
for... for both of you!
Uh, m-m-maybe we could, you
know, all go get something to eat?
I... have to go.
Um... bye.
Bye! - Thanks
again. - Yeah!
See ya.
- Bye.
Do you wanna... come in?
Oh, yeah.
- Bye.
Oh, well... this are for you.
Thank you.
So, last night was crazy.
Yeah, um, um,
I'm sorry about how it ended.
No I... I'm sorry,
I ran out like that.
Um... you know,
we were all pretty drunk, so...
do you want to hang out today?
Yeah! I-I still have
a lot of packing to do.
But, um...
what were you thinking?
Oh, I thought we could um,
go to Jack's country house?
You, and me, and Jack?
No, Esther, too.
I mean...
I think she has to work.
I could talk to her.
What up, yo?
Hey, why'd
you leave this morning?
Oh... yeah!
Uh, sorry, man.
I just...
I had to get home.
Are we still on for tonight?
Totally, man.
But... you should
go first, without me.
There's this... some shit
I got to do for my party.
And I'll meet you guys
out there.
You know,
the keys are under the mat, so.
Wait, wait.
You leave the key under the mat?
No one is gonna break in.
It's Connecticut, man.
They don't steal out there.
They just embezzle and shit.
All right,
I'll-I'll talk to you later.
The new invoice.
Fill out the invoice.
In-invoice. - Hi, Hi!
I'll-I'll take care of it.
Um... can you take
a cash deposit?
Of course.
Okay, um...
Yes, inf.
There we go.
I feel like I'm...
yelling down a hallway.
This is great.
I don't want to be
part of some... plan.
You didn't have fun last night?
I don't know.
You should see
Jack's country house.
It's a palace.
Uh, Jules is gonna be there.
I can't sleep over.
Tell them I'ma...
good Korean boy.
They're not blind!
Just try to come.
Mom! I'm trying!
Because nobody is in town
right now!
I... all right...
I'm sorry!
Mom, I have to call you back.
Then just hold on.
- Jack. - Hold on.
Are-are we gonna go or what?
- Yeah, yeah, no, we are.
But can you help me
out with something really quickly?
I'm-I'm totally fucked here.
Mom, I have to call you back.
I can't...
I didn't get into Princeton.
I mean, they sorta accepted me.
I think, but...
I have to finish
summer school first.
like, the week my World
War II paper was due and...
maybe I lifted some details
from "Call of Duty".
Did you actually think that,
that was actually gonna work?
My tutor had mono!
- Oh, come on.
Seriously, they called my mom
and they told her that I failed.
I have to go to a post-grad year
at some prep school
but the application deadline
was like, three months ago.
And my parents just dropped
a million dollars to get me in
and I have to finish
the application tonight
but none of my tutors are in town.
- Okay, did you tell Lou?
No, I'm fucking embarrassed.
Look, will you help me.
Let's knock it out so quick,
and then we'll go.
Hey, it's
Jules. Leave a message.
Hey Jules, it's Lou.
I got your text,
don't worry about it.
Esther and I are on our way
out there.
Uh, Jack should be there soon,
too, so...
See you soon!
Good luck with your packing.
They actually leave the key
under the mat.
All right.
Um... no one else is here?
Well, he said we can just...
go right in.
It's cool.
What is that?
They actually have
their own gymnasium.
It just says, "make a personal
statement of your choice. "
That's easy.
How is that easy?
If there's no question.
You just talk about a life lesson that you've
learned or like... overcoming adversity.
Although, have you actually ever
like, learned any life lessons?
I wanted to call you.
You know,
it's been almost a year, Jack.
Yeah, I know.
I just, I got so nervous.
I stole so much Xanax
from my mom.
If you didn't want to break up with
Lena, you should've just told me.
You didn't have to... ignore me.
I know.
She got back from Guatemala,
and she had food poisoning.
And then her laptop got stolen.
And Lou really likes you.
She was in all of my classes.
I just think...
maybe I'm someone who's
always gonna disappoint people.
You know?
Maybe that's just who I am.
At least Lou's is a nice person.
He is nice, Jack.
But I mean...
You can't just...
set me up with somebody else,
you know,
That's kind of a dick move.
Hey Jules, it's Lou.
Just uh,
I wanted to see if you were...
on your way or...
Uh... still coming.
That's cool.
Oh, sorry, um.
I'm... just...
excited to see you.
Uh, Esther's is too.
You know, she's-she's here,
she's having fun.
Yeah, and-and like,
we-we-we like to see you.
We love to see you.
Uh... okay!
Uh, I'll see you soon.
I'll talk to you later, I hope.
It wasn't smooth.
Look, should we just leave?
Because... if they're
not gonna come, I mean...
I'm just really...
- Oh, I mean. No, no, no, Jack...
Jack's on his way, you know.
He's just like that.
Jules, too?
How was your year?
I mean, otherwise.
Are you serious?
It was... great.
I don't know.
You remember that girl Esther,
that you exposed yourself to?
I feel kind of bad about that.
- Yeah, well.
She's probably the best friend
that I've made all year.
How about you?
Um... I got arrested.
Are you serious?
For buying a fake ID.
Same cop both times.
How's that even possible?
He had a mustache the second time.
- Oh my God.
No, it's not funny.
I'm sorry.
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah, what?
In class...
I thought you were...
I don't know.
Were you... looking at me?
Oh, uh.
You mean like...
Never mind.
Oh, no, yeah.
No, I... I was.
It's something I do to
help get me through class.
Well, sometimes I...
I stare at pretty girls
to help me focus.
Yeah, I shouldn't have.
I'm sorry.
No, no, it's... it's fine.
I mean, I... thought it was
kinda weird at first.
after I while I...
kind liked it, I guess.
It's nice to be noticed.
you've liked Jules for...
a while.
I still think she's hung up
on her ex-boyfriend, though.
What did you write about?
Your half-brother,
the circus freak?
Don't make fun of him!
He made it
into Ringling Brothers and...
I don't know.
He's all I have.
Your brother and sister
are awesome.
Connor the opera singer, who's
pre-med and double majoring in Econ
'cause that's not hard
to follow.
Or Brooke, who took a year off
to help poor kids in Africa.
No, I know, that's so cool.
My sister, should be getting
wasted with her hot friends
and then helping me
hook up with them.
You know what
the crazy thing is?
I think you actually believe
all the shit you say.
I'd do the same thing for her.
You know, that's actually
what you should write about.
- Well...
How you're kind of an asshole.
It... It could actually probably
be kinda funny.
Just say all
the stupid stuff I do.
Well, yeah!
But you...
You talk about it
and then talk about how
it was helping you, like, see outside
of yourself and change you and...
You should just write that.
Can you... you should...
- No.
You have to write it.
I'll help you fix it.
Seriously, type!
"I Jack, the asshole. "
We really need to call Lou.
There's now way we're
gonna get up there tonight.
I'll text him, say we're coming
in the morning.
No. We need to call
him. I don't wanna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
Just gonna... call him later.
Okay, promise.
So, neither of them are coming.
Jack isn't picking up.
And he said
he'll be here in the morning.
And Jules is home packing.
So she's not coming.
I have to get home tonight.
Oh, fuck!
How much money do you have?
Like... ten dollars?
Shit! I spent everything
I had on the cab here.
Well, what are we gonna do,
because I...
I-I have to get home.
I-I-I told you that I
can't stay. - Okay, okay.
I'm-I'm-I'm... really sorry,
Can we just...
Think about this for a second?
I... told them
I was with my cousin,
but... she was having dinner
with them.
Oh, fuck!
Just, tell them
you're with your friends.
You don't get it.
Okay, what don't I get?
I've been lying to my parents,
all year.
I never... told them I applied
to Willhurst.
I even put a deposit down,
just in case I won the lottery.
I thought... maybe if I got
a big scholarship but...
if you save any money at all,
you get screwed by Financial Aid.
They've done everything
for me and...
I'm not gonna, I'm not
gonna just leave them.
Oh, okay, wait.
I'm confused.
Are-are you worried about the
money or about leaving them?
I don't know.
You know what?
Let's get you drunk.
I'm serious.
"Tall Tress"]
Full lights
on a green screen
Light up like a machine,
Beep, read, hum, compute
Something's coming...
Oh, yeah!
Oh, no!
There you go!
For you guys.
For you.
So that you're saying
they won't get it?
You're gonna go to a good school
and make more money.
Well, you can't guarantee that.
I'll just... transfer next year
when I... get more money.
Or you'll chicken out again.
Well, you do the same thing.
You've been wanting to ask out Jules for
how long...? - Oh, no, that's different.
- And ugh.
- That's totally, it's different.
How is that different?
Because... at least I tried.
Oh, your-your plan that you're
working on for two months.
Hey! That plan was
legit and you know it.
No, it wasn't.
Oh, nice shot.
Oh, how about you?
You know?
"Oh, look
at me, I go to a community college.
Oh... "
- Um...
And then, and then.
You'll be like.
- Okay.
I still work for my folks
in the bodega
with no prospects
and my boobs are sagging. "
Oh, thanks.
- "And no dudes are macking on me. "
- "And I wish I had a fancier job
and some fit dudes... "
Okay, well... you make it seem
like it's so simple.
But it is.
No, it... it's not.
It is.
You see, my parents are
probably just like your parents.
worked so fucking hard!
And my dad is always so tired!
He's not someone you would
want to piss off in the morning.
Yeah, my dad's like that, too.
Yeah, exactly!
When I started at Prep-for-Prep,
I didn't want to go.
And I wanted to just stay in my room
but my dad came in and was all like:
"I don't work this hard for you
to stay home. "
But he said it in Spanish
and that shit was fucking scary.
Just talk to your parents.
You know
when we were leaving the hotel.
I saw my dad
with some other woman.
Is she hot at least?
Was that really the first thing
that came to mind?
I don't know.
I thought I'll try to be funny.
Was it really a surprise,
about your dad?
My mom is beautiful.
It's not about that.
It's not...
I mean...
Can you really imagine being with
one person for your whole life?
One person.
You don't want to get married?
I'll just fuck it up.
Maybe when I'm 50...
and really fat.
Because by then,
it's like, whatever.
That's really romantic.
Well, you have
unrealistic expectations.
No, I don't, I just...
I think you just have to...
have honesty.
You start with that.
I don't think it's that easy.
You know, talk to your dad.
Talk to your mom.
Maybe I will.
Maybe I will.
Can we just... sleep.
I'm so tired.
But only for like, two hours.
We're not having sex.
And if you try
to take advantage of me...
I'll kick you right out.
Okay, Jack.
I don't get it.
Who is she?
She's his doctor and...
they've been together but...
It's just so complicated.
No, no.
This is killing my brain.
Can we please just like, change the channel?
- No, no, no.
We have to watch this!
- Oh, why?
Because... I've been waiting
to watch this episode all week.
That's my bed.
I know,
it's... really comfortable.
Yeah, you know what?
No, it is a new mattress.
And I would really like to be sleeping
on it. - You know what, Jack?
If you are so uncomfortable, you
should just sleep on the top bunk.
I can't sleep on the top bunk.
I have a legitimate fear
of heights.
it's five feet off the ground.
It's agoraphobia!
And it's not a joke.
- Jack, I don't think that, that means...
Because I feel like... - Oh my God,
how old are you? - ... that's fair.
No, I'm... I'm 18.
I'm a man.
I'm just, you know.
Man wants a tuck-in.
You were so much
cuter when you were 12.
I was such a spaz.
You were nicer.
Remembered all of my birthdays.
And half-birthdays, too.
Except for this year.
Locked in these arms since
the night although had it say
How did I get so hung up on you?
You know what?
We just need to like,
start over.
These tears that are rolling
down these cheeks
And no one will see them
beneath this sheets
Been taking it
badly this days
Been taking it
badly this days
These days
What if I was gonna be better?
I want to be
like, so much better.
You really should call, though.
You wanna go in?
I don't have a bathing suit.
You could always go in naked.
No, that is not happening.
I will if you will.
Oh my God!
I'm so sorry.
I-I just had to.
Are you... are you okay?
No, no, no.
I have any no other clothes,
Don't do it.
All right.
Keep it
short. Lou's a busy man.
Hey man.
What's up, yo?
I'm really sorry
I blew you off but...
I had like, an emergency, kinda.
I mean, I really.
Like, a real emergency, though.
If you are satisfied
with your message, press...
Hey man, what's up!
Something came up.
I just thought...
I had to deal with it
I-I was hoping
I could've avoid telling you.
Hey buddy.
If you are satisfied
with your...
Hey, man!
I-I just got your message.
I completely fucked up,
you know.
But I'll be out there
ASAP to pick you guys up.
Um... maybe you and Esther
hooked up or like, you know,
not in my bed though,
because that's weird.
I... have to talk to you about
about Jules... and me.
But look man,
I... don't...
I... hope you'll still
want to be my friend.
After... just... because...
Because you're really important
to me, dude, and...
If you are satisfied with your
message, press one.
To listen to your message,
press two.
Jack would ring the doorbell
to his own house.
How are you doing today, guys?
Hi. - Hi. - You
guys live here?
No, but my friend Jack does.
Your friend Jack?
- Yeah.
Okay, where is Jack, now?
Is he here?
I... not yet.
Are the owners here?
I'm gonna need you guys to step out
for a second so I can speak to ya.
Are you serious?
I need you to come outside
for a minute.
I wanna talk to ya.
He's not picking up his phone.
Call his parents!
I don't have their number.
Then call... Jules.
I mean...
I'd... Fine!
I can't believe
this is happening.
You guys get a hold of anybody?
All right, well, we can't get a hold
of anybody that says you can be here.
You're gonna come with us, you're gonna,
we're gonna wait at my headquarters.
Your parents are gonna come to
my headquarters and pick you up.
You're gonna call our parents?
- Yup.
We're gonna get a hold
of you parents. Let's go.
Come on.
You have anything in your backpack,
anything I need to know about?
Any drugs, any weapons,
anything like that?
No, there's nothing in
my pockets. No?
Nothing in
your pockets? Nope, man.
Relax. - I am relaxed.
- No, you're not relaxed.
Okay. - It'd better if you
just kept your mouth shut.
Go, have a seat.
You have anything in your bag,
I need to know about?
- Let me see it.
Anything illegal, any weapons?
Just my phone and my wallet.
You have anything sharp on you
that's gonna stick me? - Mm-mm.
Nothing at all?
- No.
Anything in your pockets?
All right, follow me.
Come around here.
Come around the car.
Hop in there.
Watch your feet.
Thank you.
Good morning.
Hey, yeah.
This is uh, my house.
Are you...?
Yeah, I'm Jack.
No, I mean, we can drop you
off a home. It's really not...
No, it's okay.
I can get there faster
on the train.
Hey, wait up!
Look, um...
I'm sorry.
I, uh... I probably won't
see you again... before I go.
Good luck at school.
You, too.
Uh... I thought you were home,
packing last night.
Uh, no, I was helping Jack out
with something.
Um... you should probably
talk to him.
He, he, he... needs..
I'm really sorry about...
It's okay.
- ... the, um...
I'm-I'm gonna go.
Did Jules sleep here last night?
Yeah, sort of.
I needed help
writing a paper, though.
You know,
it was a total emergency.
What the fuck?
She and I have...
a long history, man but...
She likes you.
She really does like you.
I spent almost all of my savings
on this weekend.
I know!
I know, and...
I was down with the plan,
you know.
I forgot a few things.
A few things?
It didn't occur to you
to tell your parents
before I went up
to your country house?
Didn't think that my neighbors
were gonna be assholes.
Oh, you didn't think that they
would freak when they saw me?
I mean, how many Puerto Ricans
have you seen out there
not mowing lawns or changing sheets?
- I fucked up, okay?
I fuck everything up.
You know I like her.
I know!
I know.
I like her, too.
Fuck this.
Thanks for getting my bag, man.
No, this is fucking stupid, man.
I don't want a girl
to screw up our friendship.
Oh, no, no, no.
We're not friends.
Name one thing
you've actually done for me.
I... have to... do things?
I've lied to girls for you. I've
cheated on tests for you. - I...
I got you that job.
I was a janitor.
I barely made minimum wage.
And I only took it because my parents
said I had to be super thankful.
You know, it's a big deal to
be friends with the Coltraub's.
Gotta work that.
Two weeks after school starts,
I'll never hear from you again
because, because that would
require effort!
And you've never worked for
anything in your life.
Your parents
just buy you everything.
Yeah, they do.
But they're disappointed
every time I talk.
Good luck at school.
Hijo! Hey! Hey!
That was a mistake.
I know.
Jack's parents explained.
You spoke to them.
Eh, you know, eh...
You've accomplished a lot.
More than I ever had the
opportunity when I was your age.
La fiesta tonight is, eh...
Is more for us.
For me, and...
and your mother.
And uh...
We're very proud of you.
Yeah, so.
As long as you know that.
So, good?
Hey! What's up? Hey!
Hey, man.
I know you don't want me here.
I still want to leave.
You know, without...
You know?
I've been hanging with your boy.
Oh, you spoke to Carlos?
- Yeah!
For sure.
For sure.
Jack said he's sorry
for calling me a gang banger.
And it was your fault anyways.
You know, the whole mugging.
So I decided clean slate.
Dude, it started so simply.
We're just like,
talking about nicknames.
We both love nicknames.
I call him C-dog.
And then he just...
- J.C.
That's what he wants me
to call him, now.
I like it,
because it sounds like Jesus.
Yeah, I'ma, I'ma gonna head back
in the kitchen but um...
Don't worry about shit,
right now.
We'll talk later, all right?
He's a cool, dude.
I got your message.
You left five.
I suck at technology.
You have to go to a prep school?
Oh, man!
Your parents must be pissed.
My dad's definitely wishing he
used a condom, roughly 18 years ago.
It looks like
he's hanging in there.
Dude, they wanted to be here.
They like you, man.
They just...
...just don't like me.
Yeah, well.
Sometimes you're hard to like.
I know.
Just... don't write me off.
You know, I can be better.
They had to drop a huge pile
of cash at that prep school.
Funny, like three scholarships
just to get me in.
Oh, what kind of scholarships?
Can anyone apply?
You don't... you don't need
to go to prep school.
For C-dog.
Yeah, I mean. I don't know. I can ask.
I thought you were on lockdown.
You know,
our parents are push-overs.
Are you...
going to invite us in?
Oh, hey, Lou.
- Hey.
Listen, I just want to say I'm really
sorry about... - Oh, no, don't even.
This whole weekend was one big
mess, but uh... - No, no, no.
It... really.
It was nice.
No one's ever done anything
like that for me before.
No one should ever.
It's the best piece.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
So... I want you to know that
I'm turning over a new leaf.
The girls I hooked up with.
We didn't really hook up.
I mean, we made out for like, five
seconds and then you took your pants off.
I want to keep in touch.
I... actually
wouldn't mind that.
You know what?
We should say a verb.
It's like...
You know, say whatever and...
Say whatever?
I don't know, like...
How was last night?
She's pretty cool.
I approve.
Hey! Hey. What's up.
This food is like,
stupid good.
This is so bad.
Serious man.
I feel like the Battle of
Helmet Deep is running in my bowls.
I... I should not have
mixed burritos and Milk Duds.
Yeah, that was probably...
That was a terrible idea.
Not really. And
it was like, way too much milk.
I don't think I've drunk
that much milk.
They don't anymore,
because I drank it all.
And then it... it's
congealing with the burrito...
... right now.
Two can play this game
I made inside my head
One does soul then the
other one is very dead
So listen high,
listen low
Uh, can I just...
Here, I'll take the bag.
I-I want to meet your roommate
and uh, fix your room a little bit.
It's okay, I...
I don't-I don't think
that'll be a um, a good idea.
I-I just don't want to say goodbye
to you in front of everybody.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Got it!
Come in.
All packed.
Is that for me?
Hey, Jack.
What's up?
Did you talk to her?
My dad, too.
How was that?
So, are you gonna let me open it or.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
I uh...
was gonna write you a rap.
But Luis
kind of beat me to it.
So... I got you that.
Just been looking at it a lot,
lately, so...
Some weird gone off my hair,
You look pretty good.
You know, Dartmouth's only
80 minutes from my school.
I may've uh... googled it.
And some, some bus times, too.
But, if you ever wanna...
come study or...
just watch me implode.
Live by day, you must've,
just a saddest glen
Oh, when is it that time
the minutes in, the carnival
The time like that day
I've lied...
Hey, Melda.
What's up?
Eh, I'm gonna miss you, too.
Stay away
from those chocolates, okay?
Two can play this game
I made inside my head
One does soul then the
other one is very dead
So listen high
and listen low
And maybe you will give
a silent scream of voices...
Why didn't you tell me
you were coming?
I was afraid
I might... chicken out.
Yeah, I mean, it's just a couple
hundred grand worth of loans, right?
I hope it's worth it.
So, uh, where are you headed?
Uh... student center?
I was actually gonna go there,
Oh, well.
I think it's that way, actually.
So, did you just get here?
Yeah, I did.
I dropped myself off
at my dorm room.
How was it?
It's nice. -
Yeah? - Yeah.
How many roommates do you have?
- I have...