Jack and Diane (2012)

- Hey, is this the bus from DC?
- Yeah.
I'm looking for my sister.
- Do you have a passenger list?
- No list.
Now get off the bus.
Start cleaning.
- Now.
- Hi.
Hold... hold on a sec.
Do you think I could use your phone
after you're done?
I'd... I'd pay you,
but I don't have my...
- I've lost my wallet.
- Yeah.
Guy Lombardo...
It's the craziest
When you noodle
with a doodlin' song...
Can I use your cell phone?
Little softer
Perry Como
Even softer
Say you love me
With a doodlin' song
B, C, D, what you
doodle-dee-do to me...
Fuck you, you piece of shit.
Don't talk to me, then.
I can't hear you.
You're fuckin' breaking up.
Hello? Hello?
Fuckin' A, man.
- Hi.
- Hi. What do you want?
Can I use your phone?
Do you have a free
call plan or pay-by-minute?
I don't know. I guess I...
- S-So what?
- Well, can I use your phone?
Turn that shit down!
I'm sorry, do I know you?
Why would you think that...
Jack, if you don't turn down
that motherfucking music,
I swear to God
I'm gonna come in there...
Damn, spaz. Chill.
You need a hand with that?
You want some?
Do you need to use a phone?
Yeah. Thank you.
- Hold on, I'll get mine for you.
- Thanks.
What's the number?
Oh, I can do that after this stops.
No, it's cool.
What's the number?
Shoot, wait.
- 6... no, 6-2...
- How's that?
- Hello?
- Where are you?
At home.
Didn't you get my message?
- No, I lost my phone.
- Again?
- Mom's gonna freak.
- Do you have a pen?
Diane, what are you looking for?
This should be easy to remember.
- Thank you.
- 2-4-6-8 Baxter.
I miss you.
- I'm bummed you're not coming.
- Miss you, too.
I'm going on, like, now,
so go get a cab.
I guess I ought to get going.
- See ya.
- You can stay if you want.
I mean, if you want.
We have beer.
Oh, shoot.
I think I should go.
What do you mean?
My aunt's, like,
waiting for me, I think.
Come on.
We're gonna go get some food.
- Okay, wait right here.
- What?
- Wait right here.
- 'Kay.
You okay?
- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
I... yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.
- Okay, wait here.
- 'Kay.
- Give me your wrist.
- Okay.
I... I... I...
You broke your notes
I put you back together
Put you back together
You want a drink?
Oh, I don't have ID.
I got stash.
What do you want to mix it with?
I don't care.
What have they done
to my Synthia?
What have they done
to my Synthia?
What have they done
to my Synthia?
What have they done
to my Synthia?
Put you back...
But I can't
Put you back together
But I can't
Put you back together
Put you back together...
Hey, I looked all over for you.
Where'd you go?
- To vomit.
- What?
To throw up.
All right.
See? Smell my breath.
I believe you!
You want a sip?
Give me your wrist.
My number.
I like you.
I like you.
I've gotta go to the bathroom.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, I don't... I don't
want you to do that.
- But you're bleeding.
- No, I...
I ca... I've got it under control.
- You want some water?
- No.
Do you have a tampon for...
no, I mean do you have
a quarter that I can have?
I'm just gonna wait
outside for you.
All right.
What? Oh, shit!
How are you feeling?
You wanna go?
Ma... maybe we can
just sit down now?
Wanna go upstairs?
So, I guess your aunt's
gonna, like, freak?
Yeah, I don't know.
She's cool.
So, how are you gonna get home?
I don't know.
Do you know how to get home?
- Yea...
- I have a Metro card if you want it.
I'm cool from the subway.
See you later today?
- Yeah, totally.
- Okay.
Okay, I'll let you go.
- Call me.
- I will.
Looking from a window above
It's like a story of love
Can you hear me?
Came back only yesterday
Moving further away
Want you near me
All I needed
was the love you gave
All I needed
for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you
Sometimes when I think
of your name
And it's only a game...
Oh, my goodness.
You... you came from nowhere.
You're okay?
Are you okay?
I'm going to call
an ambulance, okay?
Hold on. She's okay.
I'm sorry, you'll have
to take another cab.
No, man, she's standing.
She doesn't need an ambulance.
She'll be fine.
Besides, it was her fault, man.
I saw the whole thing.
She doesn't have
health insurance.
She's just gonna wind up getting a huge
hospital bill with a fucking ambulance.
Give her 20 bucks.
She'll be okay.
Are you... are you okay?
Diane? Is that you?
Jesus Christ.
- Where the hell have you been?
- I'm peeing.
Do you know how much trouble
you're in, young lady?
I'm peeing. Go away.
Your brother used
to wear a helmet.
You can't ground me!
You're not my mother!
While you're here
for the rest of the week,
I can do whatever I want.
No, it's just another
six days of this hell.
Fine! Glad you came to visit.
Let's see if you ever come back.
Does it hurt?
No, it's just a scratch.
Hey, do you like sushi?
I don't know.
It's good.
It's good with ketchup.
Try it.
Do you like it?
I didn't like it either at first.
Do you wanna spit it out?
So, do you wanna see my room?
Yeah, sure.
Here, we can bring these.
Hold on, I wanna
show you something.
I've... this...
I've... I've never played this
for anyone.
It's just, like,
cheesy song over and over.
And, like...
This was my brother's.
I've been, like,
saving it.
I'm just gonna be lame
and say it.
This is something
I wanted to share
with the most special person
in the world,
and I always thought.
I'd know that person
when I found them.
I've been, like, waiting.
And I thought maybe...
I don't know, I kinda
think that that's you.
Am I freaking you out?
You wanna hear it?
Okay, here.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
I can fix it.
Plus we have, like,
a lot of time ahead of us.
That's cool.
- Hey, you okay?
- Fine.
Why didn't you call last night?
Sorry. I got in late.
I met someone, though.
I think you'd totally like her.
I'm thinking...
that I might not go away anymore.
What are you talking about?
Well, it was, like, your idea
in the first place, and...
I said no phone.
- I'm on the phone to Karen.
- Tell her you're grounded.
Aunt Linda is so retarded.
No wonder she doesn't have kids.
- Give me that.
- No, let me finish.
One, two...
Jeez, what'd you do?
Okay, you have to do
something for me.
- You have to call Jack.
- Jack?
Yeah, she's my kind of girlfriend.
I promised I'd call her tonight.
- ...eight, nine...
- No way.
You're gonna really like her,
and all you have to do
is pretend to be me.
But you can't tell her
anything about me leaving.
And there's this thing
you have to do
when you dial her number,
'cause I lost
some of the digits.
And when you're dialing,
you have to guess.
I think it was...
What I feel
What I do
What I do
Going nowhere...
Jesus Christ.
Is this Jack?
Yeah. Diane?
I thought you were gonna
call me when you got home.
Well... well, I just got home.
You just got home?
I thought you were late.
Late for what?
I don't know, you just, like,
took off really fast.
Yeah, I had a... I had,
to run errands.
What are you doing?
I'm talking to you.
I can't be that loud.
I wish you were here.
Yeah, me, too.
Are you touching yourself?
Excuse me?
Let me be your hands.
How does it feel?
I'm not gay.
- What?
- I can't do this.
- I've got to go.
- Wait, don't go. It's cool.
This isn't Diane.
What are you talking about?
Hey, girl.
So, what do you want
to do today?
I have to do stuff here today.
Well, I'll help you, and we can go.
F... fuck.
Why don't you girls sit down,
and I'll make some sandwiches?
where's the 60 quid...
- You borrowed off me?
- Hey.
You're gonna love this.
- What is that?
- It's Marmite and bagel.
I'm not really hungry.
It's killer, right?
Hold on, though.
It's better with tea.
I'm sure it was you
in the new Audi
Outside Sainsbury's
Hey, Hilary... Hilary
- Whose is this?
- It's mine.
Cool. Nice pick.
So, Aunt Linda, tell me
about Diane's sister.
What's her name? Karen?
Karen, she's a sweetheart.
You know what they say...
twins are opposites.
I gotta pee.
You wanna show me
where the bathroom is?
Dork. What did she say?
Who, Karen? Oh, we had fun.
- No, no, not here.
- Come on.
Diane, can you come
give me a hand?
I need to talk to you
about something.
Yeah, I'm just looking
for some loo roll.
We just bought loo roll.
What are you doing?
Oh, my God. Does Mary know?
- Know what?
- That you're...
With girls?
Yeah, of course she knows.
She's my mom.
- Well, nobody told me.
- What are you, the library?
People go to you
to deposit information?
- Jack, I don't think I like you.
- Fine.
I don't fuck older women.
Well, Diane's grounded,
so you're gonna have to leave.
Well, we're gonna
get a place together
when I move out
next month, so fuck you.
But Diane will be at school
in France in two weeks,
so good luck finding her.
Is that true?
- Please, Jack, come on.
- You're such a fucking liar.
First you con your sister
into talking to me,
and now you're only here
for, like, a week?
What the fuck am I,
your fucking tourist fuck?
- No, it's not like that.
- Thanks for making me look like an ass.
It's not like that.
It's not like what?
- Are you staying?
- I don't know.
It's not completely up to me.
Well, look, don't stay for me, okay?
I'm, like, over it.
I get all the pussy I want.
You're such a...
A what?
Okay, Karen...
she, like, thinks that I'm, like,
always taking care of her, right?
And I don't know. Maybe I am.
But it's like I'm stronger
than her or something.
What is she, like, retarded?
Okay, are you gonna
let me explain?
Yeah. I don't have
all day, though.
Well, Karen, like, filled out
this application thing
for me to go on
this fashion exchange
to a school in Paris next year
so that we could be apart,
because she's...
I don't know,
she's just got this thing
where she thinks she's, like,
holding me back or something.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I guess.
Can I have a piece?
It's my last piece.
Why do you have to be so mean?
You just think you're
the cat's pajamas, don't you?
What the fuck does that mean?
The bee's knees.
Like you're so cool.
You don't know me.
This is scary for me.
I thought you said
that I was, like, the one.
I should probably go.
Do whatever you want.
What time is it anyway?
It's around 3:00.
You want me to call you a cab?
Yeah, you should
probably do that.
Why'd you come here tonight?
I don't know. To hang out.
Why don't you join
the group?
It's better than
being a party poop.
- Maybe there.
- All right, all right.
Hold on.
Look at that.
But then this nipple's
really weird now.
Okay, just let me
be the artist, okay?
- Wait, that one's glowing.
- Shut up.
No, and now that nipple
has gone out of control.
Okay, I'm working on it.
It needs... the nipple
just needs to be
a little bit smaller.
Okay, I'll get the nipple,
all right?
- And that one needs to be...
- What the fuck is going on?
I can maybe fix it, but I need
one of those littler screwdrivers.
Holy shit,
is that Lance's tape?
- Hey!
- That is the fucking tape, isn't it?
Isn't it?
- Give it...
- Oh, shit, it is.
Give it back.
- Bitch.
- Come outside.
That is the grossest
thing in the world.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
You can't just hang out
with my friends.
Well, they're my friends, too.
No, they're not.
Yes, they are.
Chris sells that shit
to some creep on the Internet.
But it wasn't even me.
It's just my face.
And you did it.
Yeah, well, it's different.
I mean, we're friends
and he pays me.
What the fuck's that?
So we both put one
in our mouth,
and whoever keeps it
in there the longest wins.
Wins what?
If you win, I'll leave.
But if I win, I get to stay.
You are so retarded.
You're just scared
you're gonna lose.
Wait, we have to both
do it at the same time.
Well, you'd better hurry, then.
Hey, can I put this here?
Hey, you should use her.
She's, like, bass drum madness
and needs new friends.
You should go audition for it.
Yeah, we're having,
like, auditions today.
All right.
See you later.
Watch it, Jersey girl.
What, you own the sidewalk now?
Do you want some of this?
You're a fucking asshole,
you know that?
Fuck, that bitch dogged me.
My guy says she's already on the net,
like, a couple days ago.
- Oh, my God, Stacy!
- Yeah.
- Go get you some booze.
- Nice, nice!
Hold up.
That's what I think.
What the fuck is this?
- I'm just gonna...
- Hi.
Dude, get her another beer.
- What?
- Another beer?
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
You okay?
Hey, you okay?
Hey, you like to party, baby?
I don't know. I mean...
do you... do you wanna go home?
You ready to party?
Are you ready for a ride
or you wanna party?
I mean, it's up to you,
but you are not...
She looks to me like
she's ready to party.
- Doesn't stay down.
- No, it doesn't.
Is she ready?
Are you ready to party?
You guys ready to party?
How 'bout you?
You guys ready to party
over there?
- Oh, yeah.
- Maybe.
How's it going, buddy?
She ready for a shower?
Can you see?
Yeah, yeah, I got it
on glow-in-the-dark.
- You ready, man?
- Yeah.
- You gonna be ready?
- It's close.
I've been drinking,
so I'm like, you know...
Fuckin' focus, man.
Take off her panties.
I wanna see it.
Oh, I can't see.
What's going on?
It's okay, baby.
It's just a shower.
No penetration.
Oh, yeah.
She likes it.
You want a little cherry, baby?
Wait, fuckhead.
I didn't get a shot of it.
Good night, Karen,
cute little thing, you.
- They just fucking raped her.
- Oh, no, they didn't.
It's one of those
"real girl" things.
You're supposed to, like, think
it really happened, but it's fake.
Supposed to, like, think it's all...
real and shit.
Diane, come on, open the door.
For Christ's sake, Diane,
tell her to go away.
I wanna break up.
We're not even going out.
- You have to leave.
- I need to tell you something.
I love you.
What did she say?
She doesn't know what to call it.
Was it her?
Is she gonna call the police?
No, she doesn't wanna do that.
That's fucked.
She should send
those fuckers to prison.
Yeah, she knows that.
She just, like, doesn't wanna...
you know, a friend was involved,
so she doesn't wanna
go through all that.
And someone, like, told Karen
that there's so much
of that stuff on the web
that if you just don't make
a big deal about it, it'll go away.
But if she, like,
tries to do something about it,
it will suddenly be everywhere.
No, that's fucked.
She should do something.
I told her she could
say it was me.
What time did you say
that gets in again, sorry?
Okay, thank you.
Should Aunt Linda go?
I don't know.
What's up?
I think I'm gonna go home early
and see Karen.
You don't have to wait with me.
No, it's cool.
I have, like, nothing to do today.
I'm really sorry
I was being, like...
you know.
I wish I could make it up to you.
I think it's really cool
that you have a sister
and you guys are, like, so close.
Karen's really lucky.
Do you know what time it is?
Oh, shoot!
Can I use your phone?
I forgot to call Karen,
and she hates surprises.
Thank you.
We don't have to do anything.
I just wanna come
and be there with you.
I don't know.
You always make me
feel so selfish.
Okay, bye.
You okay?
You'll, like, see your sister
in a couple of days, right?
Maybe she just...
just wants some space
and doesn't want
all this pity on her.
You know?
'Cause, like, pity sucks.
Am I being an asshole?
Do you wanna go back
to your place?
No, I'm okay.
Are you sure?
Yeah, it's just my stomach hurts.
Do you have to take a shit?
Try to do like I do and fart it out.
Okay, here's the deal...
walk behind me,
but don't say
anything to anybody.
Just pretend
we're, like, guests.
Shit, you need
your bathing suit.
'Cause we're going swimming.
Yeah. Here, I brought yours.
Wait, where did you get this?
Aunt Linda's closet.
No. No, I think she wants
to return this.
Here. Hurry up, put it on.
We have to change
in the elevator.
No, I'm stuck in my belt.
Can you please help me out?
Turn around again.
Oh, my.
Don't look at me.
Actually, can you put me down?
I really have to pee.
You should pee in the pool.
No, I don't wanna pee in the pool.
Why? There's no one in here.
Yeah, but I think
that's disgusting.
I don't care.
- Well, okay.
- All right.
Wait, just come up.
- Why?
- Here, wait, just...
- No, no, no. Stop it.
- No, no.
Please stop it. Please.
I'm lying to you.
I actually have to poo!
Do you... do you wanna
go out tonight?
Are you sure? I thought you didn't
wanna hang out with me.
Yeah, well...
this is gonna sound
really selfish,
but I'm glad you stayed.
So, thanks.
What if what's-her-name
comes home early?
- She's gonna have a shit fit.
- Oh, fuck that bitch.
Damn, bitch, how long
are you gonna be in there?
One second!
Just one more thing.
You want a drink?
Diane, I think
you should come out.
No, don't come in.
Hold on a second.
open this door right now.
Aunt Linda, what are you
doing home?
I live here.
You have a lot of explaining
to do, young lady.
Please don't come in right now.
Here, Aunt Linda, drink this.
Jesus Christ. What's this?
It's a mix.
Too strong for you?
Does your mom know you drink?
How was your date?
Didn't put out?
- What's your problem?
- Nothing.
You just look like
you needed some action.
Diane, you'd better
get out here right now!
I need you to come in here.
I need a hand with something.
Just Jack.
Diane, I'm losing my patience.
Fuckin' A.
What the hell's going on?
I need you to help me finish.
Finish what, killing yourself?
Come on, girls, I've gotta pee.
Hold on!
Jesus Christ.
What were you thinking?
I don't know.
I just wanted to do it for you.
What were you using, a fork?
- Please just finish it.
- I can't. I don't know how.
What? Don't you shave
your legs?
- Yeah, but that's different.
- Just fix it!
I'm gonna count to 10.
Why don't you just have
Aunt Linda do it?
Aunt Linda, if we let you in,
you promise you won't freak out?
- No way.
- Anything. I'm going to take a piss.
Go pee in the gas station!
Open up now.
I more than like you.
I just wanna, like,
unzip my body and...
put you in there.
Like a sleeping bag?
These are cute.
Where'd you get 'em?
The Old Navy store,
I think, in the boys' section.
I haven't d...
I haven't done this.
Roll over.
No, I don't wanna roll over.
Come on, just roll over.
What are you doing?
Just relax.
What are you doing?
Just go at your own speed.
- Does this feel good?
- What? No, no!
What are you... no!
No, no, no. What is that?
Just trying to figure out
what you like.
I just can't do this right now.
Now, come on.
Why are you so experienced?
I don't know.
I'm not.
I've had some training.
What, are you, like,
some slut or something?
I'm just gonna sleep
on the couch.
What time is it?
I just had a dream that I ate you.
That's nice.
No, it wasn't like that.
Your nose is bleeding.
That's weird.
I've been getting them
all the time recently.
I know, dorkness.
That's why it's weird.
I never get 'em.
Can we sleep in more?
Can I do something?
Can I touch your nose with my toe?
- No.
- Why?
Why do you wanna do that?
I don't know.
I just want to.
Now I've done one, I have to do
the other one to make it equal.
Can we go in there?
In here?
Why, are you religious?
No, I just wanna see it.
You wanna sit down?
It's my last piece.
Can you tell me
about your brother?
'Cause I wanna know
more about you.
What, about the tape?
It's obviously something
that's really special to you.
Well, I mean, like, I told you,
he made it for his girlfriend
before she went away or moved.
it was like a sign...
symbol of true love
'cause they heard it together
the first time they met.
Anyway, she... she left
and she fell in love
with somebody else.
And so she sent it back.
So then he went
to his friend's house and...
got a shotgun
and blew his head off.
Don't worry about the tape.
I was being stupid about it.
Can we go?
This place gives me the creeps.
brought you a present.
Can I open it now?
Yeah. Go for it.
It's so Karen...
you can take pictures
and send them
to Karen when you...
go away.
I'm... I'm gonna go.
I'm really bad at good-byes,
so I'm just gonna go, okay?
Well, can you help me
get my bags down?
I can't reach them.
Jesus, how'd these get up here?
You okay?
Yeah. How are we gonna
get outta here?
I'm, like, really bad in the dark.
- Hey.
- What is that?
- It's just my hand.
- Please don't creep up on me.
What is that?
We can use this
to find our way out.
You're retarded.
Stop. You're gonna
waste all the film.
Where are you?
Holy fuck, I think my nose
is bleeding again.
What is up with this?
Hold on, I have to tie my shoe.
I'm here.
I don't want you to leave me.
I called the car service.
You want me to bring
your bag downstairs?
Does my breath smell?
I made this for you.
You can't wear it, but...
and I'm really sorry it got dirty.
It's okay if you forget about me.
I have to go to the bathroom.
- Wait, can you hold it?
- I don't wanna hold it.
My bus is leaving in a minute.
This... this sucks.
I'm never gonna see you again.
I just get this feeling and, like,
I know I'm never
gonna see you again.
How can you say that?
You don't understand.
You have, like,
so much in front of you.
You have everything.
And I'm, like, stuck here.
I wish I'd never met you.
You've, like, taken my insides
and I'm, like, not myself anymore.
And it's just...
so evil.
Just... go.
Hey, girl.
Diane, this arrived
this morning for you.
Looking from a window above
It's like a story of love
Can you hear me?
Came back only yesterday
Moving further away
Want you near me
All I needed
was the love you gave
All I needed
for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you
Sometimes when I think
of your name
And it's only a game
And I need you
Listening to the words
that you say
It's getting harder to stay
When I see you
All I needed
was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you...
All I needed
was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you
This is gonna take a long time
And I wonder what's mine
Can't take no more
Wonder if you'll understand
It's just a touch of your hand
Behind a closed door
All I needed
was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you.
I bleed
Like a pig
It's not
So unusual
It might
Seem strange
But I'll always
Believe in girls
Forget the pain
Whistle at the rain
'Cause I'm friends
With the girls again
'Cause I'm friends
With the girls again
Yeah, I'm friends
With the girls again.