Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015)

Welcome! Welcome!
Congrats, Drac.
Holy smokes,
everybody's here.
Mr. and Mrs. Loughran, the
parents of the groom, and family.
Mom and Dad!
Johnny!
I can't believe
you're all here.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yo, how hot is my date?
So hot. Wow.
How 'bout how hot mine is?
You got a date?
Yeah. She's invisible.
That's why you can't see her.
Oh, right. This is
the one from "Canada"?
Wedding's starting.
Ah!
Oh!
Aw!
Whoo-hoo!
Great.
True. So true, Marty.
Aw!
Aw. How sweet.
Oh, my. Look at you.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh.
Is it everything you wanted,
my little poisonberry?
Oh, it is, Daddy.
Except where's Grandpa Vlad?
Honey, your gramps would
not have been cool with this.
He's old-school.
How do we know? If he
could just meet Johnny...
He would have eaten him.
He's not as
enlightened as your hip Daddy.
So, you're really okay
with him not being a monster?
Human, monster, unicorn,
as long as you're happy.
Thanks, Dad.
? And you'll always
be my moonlight
? But now on
wings of love you soar
? Now that
you're Johnny's girl
? Johnny's girl
? And kind of Daddy's, too
? Your mom would be so happy
? 'Cause she always knew
? Love is making room
for all the best in you?
Hey, Dad.
Oh, hey, guys!
Todd, take a break.
So, what's up?
Mavis was wondering if maybe
you wanted to go for a fly.
Oh. We haven't done that in
forever. Any special reason?
No special reason at all.
Right, Mavey?
What's his deal?
He's silly.
It's just
a beautiful night, and...
Well, if you don't want to...
No, no! Are you kidding?
I would eat a bucket of
garlic to fly with you.
Oh, honey,
look at those fluffy clouds.
Remember what we played
when you were little?
Hide and Go
Seek Sharp Objects?
Okay.
Regular Hide and Go Seek.
Where are you?
Honeybat!
Mavey!
Honeybat!
I'm gonna get you.
Honey? Are you okay?
Yes.
It's just a little harder
to catch my breath
since I'm pregnant.
Yes, well, I guess
that would make it more...
What?
I'm gonna be a grandpa!
And I'm gonna be a dad!
? 'Cause you're
Daddy's girl, or boy
? Daddy's girl, or boy
I'm hungry again, honey.
Can you get me
some ice cream with anchovies?
No, no, no. You mustn't
give in to your cravings.
It's not good for the baby.
You need to increase
your spider intake,
so he'll be able to
climb ceilings properly.
And eat lots of sheep bile.
I love you,
Dad, but we don't even know
if the kid's
gonna be a vampire.
I'd be thrilled if the baby's
human-y, just like Johnny.
"Human-y. " With thousands
of years of Dracula genes.
Not gonna happen.
As long as the baby's healthy.
Of course.
A healthy little vampire.
Or human.
Yes, a human who can
fly as a bat.
Here. Just have
some monster ball soup.
It's your mommy's recipe.
Aw!
Thank you, Dad.
Just like you made it when I
was a kid. My favorite.
Sorry.
Sir, only the father is
allowed in the delivery room.
Really? I mean, okay.
He's the family, I guess.
Oh, look!
It's a boy! It's a boy!
The Dracula
bloodline carries on!
No one will ever harm you
as long as I'm here,
my little devil dog.
Dad, can I hold my baby?
If I were Dad,
I'd say yes.
But I'm the nurse,
Francine.
Here you go anyway.
My bad.
Little Dennis is
a year old now. Wow!
Nice. Yeah. Cute kid.
Okay, time for presents, guys.
All right!
Let's do this boy up!
Check out what I got him.
Bling!
Wow. Is it cursed?
Super cursed.
Only the best.
Straight from the crypt.
He's just starting to walk,
so maybe it's heavier than...
Oh. You're okay, Denisovich.
His name is Dennis.
Named after my father.
It's not his vampire name.
My little
Denisovichy-Weesovichy.
Huh!
Are we sure he's a vampire?
I mean,
not that it's a bad thing,
but shouldn't he have fangs and
that pasty skin you guys have?
Technically, you have until you're
five to get your vampire fangs.
Oh, he'll get his fangs.
He's a Dracula.
He's also half Loughran.
Maybe he'd be better off where we
live. There's more humans there.
What? Look how well he's
playing with the wolf pups.
We have a present.
I hope it's acceptable.
"My First Guillotine. "
Very educational.
Well played, Frank.
It's great. Thank you. We
just have to baby-proof that.
Johnny, do you know where
you put the rubber guards?
Baby-proofing a guillotine?
So you cut your finger off.
It's part of the fun.
She made me
baby-proof the whole hotel.
Someone's overprotective.
Aah!
Hmm?
Johnny! Come quick!
What's up? He's okay?
Dennis said his first word!
He did?
Come on, honey.
Say it again.
Bleh, bleh-bleh.
I don't say,
"Bleh, bleh-bleh. "
We didn't say you did.
Then where did
he get that?
Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Well,
maybe sometimes you say it.
I only say it when I
say I don't say it!
Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Okay, kid.
We get it. You can talk.
Denisovich.
Dad.
Just checking for cavities.
Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Bleh, bleh-bleh.
It was you!
Oh, my goodness, Leonard.
If you really
looked that hideous,
I don't think I
could hang out with you.
Guys, what's the deal?
Is this a party?
Pick up a phone.
I don't care if Johnny said it's a
"cool app. " Johnny's still new here.
Now, Porridge Head, did you call
a hearse for the Gremlinbergs?
No, you're checking
your Facebook page. Again.
Drac,
I told the guys social media
is the best way to
promote the hotel.
Right, Clifton?
So, Drac, I wanted to go
through some thoughts I had,
as your new human relations
coordinating co-assistant.
Sure. It's a real job.
Not a cheap excuse to keep Mavis
happy, so you never leave here.
Right. So,
I was thinking,
since we have so many humans now,
maybe update some of the acts?
Like, maybe the magician?
What's wrong with
Harry Three-Eye?
Well, he might be a little
old-school for the humans.
Tell me,
sir, what was your card?
The three of spades?
Is this your card, my friend?
Whoa!
No, Harry's great.
Can't blame Harry for
the crowd not being hip.
Okay, what about Wayne?
Wayne? Are you nuts? He's my boy.
Then maybe something
other than tennis?
Okay, so, what you wanna do
is lift the racket right on impact,
so you get that nice top spin.
Try and hit one.
What is
that? What's the noise? It's on me!
It's just
the cell phone I got you.
Clifton's sending you a text so
you can practice how to write back.
Oh!
Eh...
What the...
It's not doing it.
I got it.
Now you can text Clifton.
All right, fine.
How do you do this?
Maybe it's your fingernails.
It's easy.
Look. I'll text Mavis.
Psyched for date night.
See? And
now look, she texted right back.
"Gotta cancel.
Can't leave Dennis. "
Okay.
Are we never
allowed to be alone again?
I need to feel loved, too.
And send.
Okay. All that taught me
is that you're pathetic.
Yeah, got it. Maybe you
should just get Bluetooth.
Okay.
Blue Tooth, come over here.
So, now what?
Rise and shine, my Denisovich.
Hi, Papa.
Hello, my little devil.
Did you have sweet nightmares?
Uh-huh. I dreamed
that I saw a stegosaurus.
Oh... And were you
drinking his blood?
No.
Just throwing it out there.
Hey! You want to
do something cool?
Yeah!
I'm going to teach you how
to turn into a bat. Like me.
See?
Cool.
Yes! Cool, like I said.
Now you try.
I'm a bat.
I'm a bat.
I'm a bat. I'm a bat.
I'm a bat.
I mean, a real bat.
I'm a bat!
Denisovich. Take a breath.
You can really turn into a bat.
Try. Feel the bat.
Not a chicken.
What's that?
The electric boogaloo?
If I show you I can bust a
move, will you try to fly, then?
Uh-huh.
Dad? Why are you guys dancing?
Uh, he was sleep-dancing.
Come on, sweetie.
Back to bed.
"Back to bed"?
It's already after 8:00 p. m.
Don't you remember
the new sleep schedule?
He's going to human
classes half the day.
Uh...
If he could just sleep till 2:00 a.
m. tonight, it'd be so great for him.
But, honeydeath,
six of Wayne's wolf pups
are having
a birthday party tonight.
You wouldn't want
him to miss that.
Dad, I love the wolf pups, but
they're a little too rough for Dennis.
"Too rough"?
Haven't you noticed?
Dennis is different.
What are you saying? Denisovich
shouldn't be around monsters?
I love monsters! Video! Video! Ha!
Oh, you wanna show Papa Drac
your monster video?
Yeah!
Who's the coolest monster?
Kakie!
Wee! Kakie one happy monster!
Kakie love cake! Yummy!
Tummy get a tummyache.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How is that a monster?
Have some cake,
Wuzzlelumplebum.
Remember, kids,
a real monster always shares.
"Shares"? Yes! When I think
monsters, I think "shares. "
Now, let me tell you what a
real monster is, Denisovich.
Dad, please. He's practically
five already. Don't force it.
Slow down, Wuzzlelumplebum.
? Twinkle, twinkle,
little star How I wonder?
Mommy,
I'm too old for lullabies.
What?
That's not how that one goes.
This is the way
most people sing it.
"Most people"?
What's wrong with...
? Suffer, suffer,
scream in pain
? Blood is spilling
from your brain?
Daddy. Come on. You know
how I sang it to you.
? Zombies gnaw you
like a plum
? Piercing cries
and you succumb
? Suffer, suffer,
scream in pain
? You will never
breathe again?
Still works.
Oh...
Happy birthday,
Wally, Wilson,
Whoopi,
Waylon, Weepy and Wanye.
Denisovich! My big boy!
You made it!
I thought about
what you said, Dad.
Maybe I was being
a little overprotective.
Thank you, coffin cake.
Dennis! I love you! Zing!
Hi, Winnie.
I just love your yummy
strawberry locks! Zing, zing!
Winnie. Give him his space,
hon. I'm sorry, Mavis.
It's okay, Aunt Wanda.
They're just playing.
Holy rabies! Limbo?
I used to love that game!
Get in there, Mavey.
Really? But I'm a parent now.
Show 'em how it's done.
Okay. Okay, okay.
No way! A pinata?
Oh, Mavis, honey.
That's for later.
Whoo!
We don't want
the pups to have too much...
Candy!
Sugar.
I'm sorry.
Did I start all that?
Don't worry. There's a
reason they call it a litter.
Whoa!
Dennis! Are you okay?
I got a candy.
Look! Your tooth came out.
Are you kidding me?
He got his tooth knocked out?
Oh, yes, indeed.
Here comes the fang.
Dad. His baby tooth wasn't a
fang. Why would this one be?
He's not a monster.
Ooh!
The sun's gonna come out soon,
and we gotta get to his classes.
What's wrong with the classes we
have here? Like the kids' yoga?
Yoga!
This is Denisovich's home.
I don't know, Dad.
What don't you know?
Well, we've been
talking about moving.
Somewhere safer
for Dennis.
Maybe where Johnny
grew up in California.
I'm sorry, but you can't just make
somebody something they're not.
Come on, honey.
We have to go.
Zing, zing?
Mavey, wait.
You can't mean that.
You're in on this?
The leaving?
Uh...
It's not definite at all.
It's just something she's
definitely talking about,
but until we do it,
it's not definitized.
Did he just cover
me with birdseed?
Yeah, he covered me.
Dad, it's not a fang.
Dad, I don't know if it's
the right place for Dennis.
Right, Johnny?
Oh, hey, dudeman.
It's not me. It's Mavey.
Hey, dudeman.
I'm afraid to say anything.
Hey, dudeman. I'm a dudeman!
Uh, Drac? Who you talkin' to?
Do not disturb. The
count's wiggin' out in here.
What are you
wiggin' out about, Drac?
The kids. Mavey Wavey's
saying she wants to leave.
She wants to leave? What about
Johnny? He doesn't wanna go.
He's making the hotel
more human-y for Dennis.
You know, seeing
that he isn't a monster.
He is a monster!
He's just a late fanger.
Mmm-hmm.
And I could be a hand model.
Shut up!
It's all that human-y stuff
that's confusing
poor Denisovich.
So maybe you gotta get the kid
around more monster-y things. Ooh!
Oh, I need a cape.
I can't. She's always
around, checking up on me.
Man, if you could
just get some alone time.
Wait a minute.
That's what Johnny wants, too.
Alone time with Mavis.
Have
they even had a vacation
since before
they were married?
They're going to now. And so
are we. Frank, you're a genius.
Mmm-hmm.
We'll take Denisovich
to all our old haunts.
Each of us will
show him our skills.
Teach him how to be a monster.
And he'll be
fanging it up in no time.
Boy turns five next week.
If he's not a vampire by his
birthday, it ain't happenin'.
Oh, it ain't
ain't happening, baby.
All he needs is
time with his vampa.
"Vampa"?
Vampire grandpa.
Come on, man.
That's obvious.
Johnny. Come outside.
What? Who is it?
It's your father-in-law.
I need to talk to you.
What's up?
Oh.
Let me get rid of them. Sorry.
No problem-o. I was kinda
diggin' the attention.
Can they stay? I don't think
they're ready to leave yet.
Come on. Go to your mother.
Look,
you want to stay here, right?
Of course.
This is the first place
where I can really be myself.
I haven't felt this alive since
they invented stuffed-crust pizza.
Well, then, we've got some work
to do. Okay, so here's the plan.
Maybe it's a good
idea to take her to your hometown.
But remember...
So, it's sliced avocado,
rolled oats with apricot,
the Aveeno
moisturizer after every bath.
And then the shea butter
on his tush before his PJs
and then 20 minutes
with the nebulizer
while I read his Learning
Factory Phonics book to him.
It's asking a lot, Dad. We
could just take Dennis with us.
What? Are you kidding me?
And get him off his routine?
No, no, no.
You kids go to California,
and see if it's the right
place to raise Denisovich.
And you remember
how to video chat?
Yes, yes. With the phone
and the buttons and the agony.
Thanks for being so understanding,
Dad. I know you'll keep him safe.
Of course, Mavey. Stake
my heart and hope to die.
I'm just gonna
miss him so much.
I love you, Dennis.
I love you, Mommy.
I'll tell him Mavey Wavey
stories every night before bed.
You're the best.
I love you, Dad.
Gonna miss all you guys.
You're all my family.
Love you, Drac.
Yes. I love you, too.
Now, remember the plan. Just
keep her distracted and happy.
But not too happy, capisce? Got it.
Operation "Just Keep
Her Distracted and Happy,
"But Not Too Happy, Capisce,"
starts now. Cool?
Smiling on the outside.
Will you hug my backpack?
No.
Back to bed.
Ah, yes, we'll get to the bed.
We all love the bed.
But we're just gonna
do one thing first.
Is it shorts
weather where we're going?
Jeez. I hope not. My body
isn't swimsuit-ready yet.
Whatever. Where's Griffin?
Hey, can I have a second? I'm
just saying goodbye to Emily.
Oh, brother.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
You
know, you have to be strong, honey.
Because what we
have is unbreakable.
Babe, don't cry.
Everyone's looking.
Okay,
I gotta call him on this.
Just let him play it out,
get it over with.
Okay, you two lovebirds. Drink
your champagne and let's get going.
Oh, yeah.
No, sure. Okay.
Cheers, babe.
Oh. You klutz.
We can't say
nothin' about this?
No. We don't have
time for zingers.
How do you click in
the stupid car seat?
You gotta cut
those nails, man.
We just strap our
kids down with duct tape.
What's he doing here?
I told him he could come. He's
never been outside the hotel.
Blobby, there's no room.
Sorry, man.
Yeah, that ain't happenin'.
Fine, put him on the Rascal.
Let's just get going.
Oh.
Where are we going,
Papa Drac?
Oh, Denisovich, we're going
to have an adventure.
A monster-y adventure.
Yay! Monsters!
We're gonna eat cake.
What did he say?
No.
No cake on this monster trip.
No cake, cebause Kakie says,
"Too much cake makes tummy ache. "
Yay!
"A monster always shares. "
Wow!
We may need
more than a week.
Hey, you know who could
fix the kid in a snap? Vlad.
What? We don't need to
call Vlad. We got this.
You see, Denisovich, monsters
are nice, just like you.
But when the moon comes out,
the real monster fun begins.
Being scary. Right, guys?
Guys? Guys!
What is wrong with you?
Come on.
Everybody likes that song.
We're not everybody. We're
scary monsters. Remember?
Hey, what are you putting in?
It's an audio book.
Bigfoot's life story.
He reads it himself.
Chapter One.
Wow!
This is gonna be so amazing.
Oh, yeah. You're gonna be
so happy, but not too happy.
Huh?
What?
I wanna see everything
you did growing up.
As long as you're distracted,
capisce?
We can hit a few spots
on the way to my parents.
Lemme just quickly call home.
Ah! Don't do that.
It's only 1:00 a. m. there.
Dennis isn't even up yet.
Right. I'm just not used to
being away from him.
Everything's gonna be cool.
Your dad was so all over it.
I know. He's the best.
Right turn, here.
Denisovich, rise and shine.
Boys, this bringing
back any memories?
We used to prowl around here
when we were in our 100s.
The Dark Forest of Slobozia.
Nice how they built it up.
Okay, out of the car.
Denisovich,
you're going to see
every monster
do his specialty.
First, Frank's gonna show us
how he scares people.
Yay! He's gonna say, "Boo. "
Yeah, I don't
think "boos" ever work.
But that's why we're here.
To learn from the master.
Okay, I'll give it a shot.
Yeah, guess it just depends
on work.
Frankenstein!
Hey, how ya doin'?
You're awesome! Can we take
a picture? Is that okay?
Sure, okay. Little
selfie action.
For real?
Awesome! Thank you so much.
Hey, have a great day.
Boo!
Oh. He's adorable.
He's adorable.
Adorable, yes.
Not scary,
but "boo" is a start.
My birthday cake's gonna
have the coolest guy on it.
Let me guess. Kakie.
No. He's so cool. He climbs
walls and wears a cape.
Oh, really. And who
is this very cool guy?
Batman!
Batman. Great.
You don't know anyone else
with a cape that's cool?
This is good. Stop here.
Okay, Wayne. It's your turn.
Go kill something.
Denisovich, watch this.
What?
I told you, come on.
If we don't
inspire Denisovich,
how's he going to
find his inner monster?
Who's in a monster?
Nobody, just...
Here, have an avocado.
Yay!
Your mommy says
it's a good fat.
Whatever
the heaven that means.
Listen, I'm not gonna
set monsters back again
just to make your
grandkid like vampires.
Anyway, there's nothing to
kill here. It's all been...
Aw...
What a cutie.
But kill him.
Oh, great. You know
I haven't done this in years.
We don't need to kill anymore.
We have Pop-Tarts.
Denisovich,
you're going to love this.
Wayne's going to eat that whole
deer, and the next one's yours.
Wayne, go.
Oh, man. I'm too old for this.
Okay, how's it go again?
No, no, wait.
That's for the moon.
Oh, I growl. Right, here goes.
Growl!
Get it, boy.
Get it, Uncle Wayne.
Some werewolf. Did you
actually say the word "growl?"
You're a werewussy.
I said I was rusty.
Gimme me that Frisbee.
No! It's my Frisbee!
I fetched it!
Give it to me!
Give it back!
Give it over here!
Give me that! Give it back!
He's fine.
He's Blobby.
This place is so
amazing and scenic.
What do you
wanna show me first?
Mmm. I don't know.
It's pretty,
but there's really
nothing to do
once it gets dark.
Wait. What's that place?
So, you're telling
me that I can pick
between all these
different kinds of chips?
Yes.
How do people decide?
Whoa!
Now what's that
beautiful fountain of rubies?
Johnny,
have you tried this Slurpee?
Not that quickly, hon.
It comes in 48 flavors.
We have to try them all.
Uh, I don't know
if we have time.
Why? This place is open
all night. Right, sir?
Yes.
Johnny, look.
They're making a TV show about
this place and we're the stars.
Hello, world.
Awesome.
It's totally awesome.
You're so lucky, Kal.
Hello, world.
Okay, Murray. Your turn.
Excuse us. Do you know where
someone can get a bite around here?
Did you seriously just ask a
vampire where to get a bite?
Oh, gosh. I didn't mean...
We're not from around here.
This is so embarrassing.
Just keep going.
Sorry to bother you.
Love your chocolate cereal.
So, what do you
want me to do now?
Denisovich,
you won't believe it.
The mummy can
crash through walls
and turn into
a swarm of beetles
and put a curse on anyone.
That sounds mean.
It's fun mean. Okay.
So, check it out.
Murray's going to conjure up the
biggest sandstorm you've ever seen.
Hit it!
Sandstorm?
It's been awhile.
Not my problem.
Do it. Say your little spell.
Okay.
I got this. Frank, Wayne,
Griffin, just try not to faint.
Ow!
My back.
Oh. Wait.
How cute!
Ow! Ow!
Wait. Stop at that playground.
Look at these cute kids.
Holy rabies!
This looks like a blast.
I don't know, Mavey.
This can be pretty dangerous if
you don't know what you're doing.
Of course, I rock these bikes.
May I, little dude?
Check it out. Oh, yeah.
This is how I
rolled every summer.
Whoo-hoo!
Whoa, whoa!
I think I scratched it.
Oh...
My turn.
Mavey, I told you, it
took me years to get this good.
Well, I'll give it a try.
You feel me now?
That's my girlfriend, suckers.
Your wife, Johnny.
My wife. Even better.
That was sick, lady. Where did
you learn how to do that stuff?
Transylvania.
That's cool. I have a
cousin from Pennsylvania.
Oh. These little guys are so
sweet. Dennis would love them.
What an awesome
place to raise a kid.
Oh. To raise a kid?
I don't know about awesome.
Maybe tubular. Capisce?
Anyways, we should
hit my folks' place.
I said we'd be there by now.
Sure.
Oh, hey, it's after
3:00 in Transylvania.
I'm gonna check
on Dennis, okay?
Chocolate cereal.
Are you kidding me?
It's okay, Drac.
It's 'cause they love us.
Yeah.
Monsters are what's goin' on.
Oh, yeah. You
should embrace it like I did.
I've got
a best-selling workout video.
Follow me, ladies.
Right. And left.
No, girls. Watch me.
You're not watching.
Here we go. And eight
and seven and six...
That's not me, guys.
Come on, even Bigfoot's tearin'
it up in the German soccer league.
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.
It's Mavis.
You gotta answer it.
You're pushin' too hard.
Lighter.
All right!
Denisovich, wake up.
Oh, boy, he's out cold.
I got this.
Dad, what took so long?
What?
Nothing, Mavey. We're all
great here at the hotel.
Just doing hotel things.
Sorry,
can't handle your breath.
I hear ya.
How are you?
We're having a blast.
We just went biking and
mini-marting. It's so fun here.
Is Dennis okay?
Oh. Of course.
You want to see him?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Hi, baby. How are you?
Mommy.
I happy.
Aw.
Hey, little dude.
Why is he wearing sunglasses?
Oh, we were playing.
It's a superhero thing.
Cebause, I'm
Sunglasses Man, to the rescue!
Okay, take it down a notch.
I'm flying.
You sound funny.
Oh, no, no, that's his
Sunglasses Man voice.
Static. The signal
is bad. Mavis, are you there?
Yeah, I'm still...
All right.
I guess he's having fun.
Of course he is.
Wow, I nailed it
with the Sunglasses Man.
Right off the top of my head.
I threw in a "cebause. "
Did everyone see that?
She said she was having fun.
Johnny's blowing it.
She's biking and mini-marting.
She's gonna wanna move!
I gotta fix this kid now.
Are we almost there or what?
Okay, I may
have taken a wrong
turn a few miles back.
Don't get mad.
What?
Someone turn on
the navigator on this thing.
Look how light I touch
it.
Please enter your destination.
Please. I am begging you.
Yeah, this is gonna
be good, Denisovich.
Scary stuff, okay?
It's in you.
We just gotta
concentrate on the scary.
Papa Drac?
Do you miss Grandma?
Miss Grandma?
Oh. Sure, I do.
I miss her every day.
She was my zing.
Why do you ask?
I don't know.
Do you miss anybody?
I miss Mommy and Daddy.
And who else?
You miss that Winnie?
The pup who tackles you and
tries to lick you all the time?
Yeah, but we're
just friends.
Oh, no, no, no.
You're a Dracula.
You can't just be friends with
a cute, hairy number like Winnie.
Right turn,
now! Here. You imbecile!
Oh, right. Turn, Griffin!
Yes, Papa Drac.
Wait and see, fellas. This kid'll
be guzzling goat blood in no time.
You have
arrived at your destination. Yes!
Yes!
Here we are.
It's the vampire summer camp
I went to as a kid.
What's it, Camp Vamp?
No. Who names
their camp "Camp Vamp?"
It's Camp Winnepacaca.
You see, Denisovich?
This is where I learned
to catch mice and shapeshift.
And use my incredible powers and
strength. It's pretty cool. Huh?
Badminton.
Yes, I don't
remember this badminting.
Well, well, is this a night?
How ya doin', folks?
I'm Dana, the director.
We're sure excited to have
you legends visitin' us.
What can I do you for?
Well, I'm very interested in sending
my grandboy, Denisovich, here.
Oh. This little redheaded,
non-fangy little guy?
Oh, they're in there. He's a late
fanger. That's why we came here.
Can you show us
some of the drills,
like where they
catch the mice?
Can do. A-course now
we call it Tee-Mousing.
So they don't have
to catch the mice?
Nope. We find this is a good
way to build their confidence.
Come here.
It's right there!
What's the matter with you?
Hokey-pokey.
Ah!
There it is, Denisovich.
Where Papa learned to fly.
Ooh! I wanna fly like Papa.
Uh...
Yeah. We're over here, now.
Had to scale it down.
Insurance.
Help me. Help me. Help me.
Hokey-pokey.
See ya at the campfire.
Well, gosh! Welcome, you two.
Hey, gang.
Hi, guys. This is so exciting.
Ah!
Look at all of this. So cool.
Wow! I can't
believe I'm actually here.
Well, you are.
Now, how does it work? Are you
up all night and sleep all day?
Yeah.
Oh. I'll do
whatever you guys want.
Good.
'Cause I bought this pretty
sunhat for you. Linda.
But otherwise this poncho,
if you wanna be safe.
We can deal with
it later, Linda.
Okay.
Oh! Come see.
I've set up your bedroom.
It's just like Transylvania.
Oh, Transylvania.
That was a fun experience.
Mike was afraid he'd get
disemboweled and eaten,
but I told him he
was just being silly.
That was you, Linda.
Oh. There they are.
You know, we have a couple of
mixed families in the neighborhood,
so I thought I'd
invite them over.
They might be nice
for you guys to talk to
since you're
thinkin' about moving here.
Hi, Caren. Hi, Pandragora.
Welcome, Mavis.
Hey, guys.
Yeah, you're gonna dig
it here. Don't even worry.
People are totally cool
with our lifestyle choice.
I mean, the
kids get picked on a little,
but it toughens them up.
Oh, hey, you guys.
And this is Loretta.
She's married to Paul,
who's a werewolf.
Excuse me?
Yes, I was telling Mavis about the
other monster-human couples in town.
I am not a werewolf.
Oh. I thought...
Well, you're welcome to stay and
have some cupcakes.
? Vampires will be friends forever
? Through
the centuries together
? Even in
the brightest sunny weather
? Vampires will
be friends forever
? Literally
? Forever
Great job, vampires.
Give yourselves a hug.
Mmm...
We're going.
What? Where?
Why are we doing this?
You'd rather be listening
to those putrid new songs?
What happened to Michael
Row Your Corpse Ashore?
Or Old McWerewolf Had An Axe?
We shouldn't be up here, Drac.
Who's ready to fly?
Me! Me! Like a superhero.
Better! Like a vampire!
This thing is rickety.
You know what? Maybe the
kid isn't supposed to fly.
Quiet. This is how they learn. You
throw them and they figure it out.
It's how I was taught.
I wanna fly now!
Attabat. You know Papa's
right here if you need him.
Uh. I can't watch this.
Please don't.
Here we go!
Wee!
He's still not flying.
He will.
Still not.
It'll happen.
This is a tall tower.
That's why it's good.
You should get him.
He's gonna fall to his death.
He's taking his time.
Drac!
I did that my first time.
He's getting too
close to the ground!
You know what?
He's not gonna fly.
Ah.
I told you.
Papa's always here for you.
Again! Again!
Oh, dear. Oh, my devil. We're
gonna have to report this.
You mean to the papers?
I guess it was pretty cool,
but I'm not about getting press.
No, sir.
I mean the authorities.
I can't not report
child endangerment.
Whoa!
Listen to me. That was fun.
Your singing is
child endangerment.
Should we go
down and help him?
Nope. I told him this
was nuts. He's on his own.
We have to call
the boy's mother.
No, that ain't happening.
His mother's
already nutsy koo koo!
I have to follow protocol.
You will not follow protocol.
I'm a vampire.
I can't be hypnotized.
Right.
Now, please. Don't
make me call the police.
No one's calling nobody!
Aah!
Fire!
Stop, drop and roll.
Stop, drop and roll.
Screaming's not helping!
Yay!
Are we bad guys, Papa Drac?
Bad?
No. You're
the best kid in the world.
We didn't start the fire.
It was the tower.
That's a very unsafe tower. You're
lucky we don't call the authorities.
Let's go, my hero.
Cebause I'm Batman!
To the Batmobile!
Yes. To the...
Sorry about all that stuff. I
guess they thought you'd like it.
Why do I feel so weird here?
No, hon. They're being weird.
I think they're
just trying to help me.
I mean, I grew up knowing
nothing living inside that hotel.
And you learned about everything
growing up in Santa Claus.
Santa Cruz. But, uh...
Maybe if Dennis grows up
away from Transylvania,
he won't be so freaky.
Like me.
Are you nuts?
Mavis, you're a blast.
You're so full of life
and curious about everything.
If Dennis grows up
to be just like you,
I'll be
the luckiest dad in the world.
I love you,
Johnnystein.
You know what?
As long as we're all together,
we'll be happy anywhere.
Even at the hotel.
Yes!
What are you doing?
Check out this
video my friend sent me.
This kid is
an awesome daredevil.
Ah.
Oh, dude!
Did you get it?
Wait! Is that Dennis?
No! Is it? No. It's just hard
to see. But...
Oops. Just deleted it.
So, it's gone.
What? It's Mavis.
I'm not answering it.
Come on, Drac. You have to.
All right!
Yes, honeybunch.
Dad? Where are you?
Um... We're outside the hotel
having a little cookout.
It's perfectly safe.
What's that noise?
Is that a siren?
Oh, those are just some
wailing banshees checking in.
Quiet, you banshees.
We're trying to have a
perfectly safe cookout over here.
Mommy!
I wanna say hi! Mommy! Mommy!
Papa Drac just tried
to teach me how to fly.
Wait a minute.
Is that the mother?
Oh, no. Static again.
I am coming back to
the hotel right now.
And you better be there or I swear,
Dad, you're gonna be very sorry.
What's goin' on?
We need to get
home right away.
Whoa!
Okay.
I'll go wake up my backpack.
Guys, we gotta move.
We got no car!
How we gonna get out of here?
Don't worry.
I made a call.
I'm sorry, Blobby. We really
meant to call you sooner.
Hit it!
Transylvania.
You want to go where?
Transylvania.
As soon as possible.
We don't fly
direct to Transylvania.
You don't?
You can go to Bucharest,
but you'll have to
switch planes in
Chicago and then Zurich.
So, when would we get there?
Well, the Chicago flight's
delayed due to bad weather.
So, two seats in coach?
No!
No!
Yes.
You have to go now? When
we finally have no traffic.
You're killing me, Blobby.
I still have some cloud on me.
Gotta do a selfie!
Johnny! Not now!
Okay. Maybe later.
This scooter thing's out of
juice. We're never gonna make it.
Frank, blow.
Now!
How fun is this? Why are
you laughing? You like that?
Watch this.
Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo!
Now this is flying,
Denisovich.
Like a vampire.
Wee!
That's my boy. Look at you go.
You're the coolest guy
who wears a cape, Papa Drac.
Ugh!
So, hey, when are you going
to get here already?
We've been waiting...
Give me my son.
We just went out
for some avocados.
Mommy! I flew!
I saw.
? Mother's
already nutsy koo koo
? Nutsy koo koo
?.Oh, dear. Oh, dear
? Oh, my devil
I have to follow protocol
? That ain't happening
That ain't happening
? Mother's already
? Koo koo
? Koo koo
I was worried Dennis wasn't
safe around other monsters.
Now I don't even feel like
he's safe around you.
But I was just...
What was it you said?
Human, monster, unicorn.
That it didn't matter?
Well,
I just know his life would...
We'll have his birthday party
here on Wednesday.
Then we're moving.
Please, Mavey. Don't leave.
Maybe you've let humans
into your hotel, Dad.
But I don't think you've
let them into your heart.
Hmm...
I can do it.
I can do it.
I'm a bat. I'm a bat.
I'm a bat.
I'm a bat. I'm a bat!
Dennis?
What are you doing, sweetie?
Uh... Nothing.
Careful. Let me help
you down from there.
Are you getting
excited about your big party?
I guess so.
You know who's coming?
Daddy's whole family.
Grandpa Mike
and Grandma Linda.
All your cousins and aunts and
uncles who love you so much.
And then they're gonna be with
us when we move to California.
Mommy, are we going away
cebause I'm not a monster?
What?
No. Dennis, of course not.
It's just grown-up stuff.
Okay.
But what about Papa Drac?
He's gonna be here all alone.
Papa Drac has to stay
here to run the hotel.
But he'll visit us.
And we'll visit him.
Can we call him every night?
Sure.
Awesome!
Hello. We're here.
? The night brings
Johnny's family here
? To take away all
that Drac holds dear?
Welcome, welcome.
? Hide your feelings
? Keep them all inside
Dude, why do you wanna leave?
This place is out of control.
I don't wanna leave.
All these awesome
freakazoids!
So, who's the
coolest monster?
Kakie.
Kakie.
Kakie.
What a wussbag.
Isn't it nice to have
the whole family together?
Mavis, do you have any cousins
or thingies in your family?
No. It's just been me and Dad.
I never did ask how
you lost your mom.
Oh. She was
killed by angry humans.
Oh...
? Awkward
But there is my Grandpa Vlad.
Oh, you have a grandpa?
Yeah. He'll be at the party.
I invited him.
You invited him?
Dad, he's never seen Dennis. I
wanted them to meet once before we go.
Sure.
Great. Peachy. Good old Vlad.
Anybody have a wet wipe?
Holy rabies. He finally
invites me to something.
He's got a grandkid?
And he never told you?
Easy, Bela. At least there's
another vampire in the family.
It's at a hotel?
Fancy schmancy.
Hotels are for humans!
Bela, shut your blood hole.
Look what you started.
Don't worry, gang.
I raised my son to hate and kill
and steal the souls of humans
like a good boy.
Yes,
Grandpa Vlad will be so happy
when he sees the big masquerade
party Johnny and I have planned.
What?
Play along.
It's my dad.
You have a dad?
That's funny.
Listen to me. My dad
cannot know you're a human.
Or any of your family.
What? But, Drac,
I'm proud that we're...
Or he'll steal your family's
souls and eat your backpack.
That's right, gang.
We're gonna make the birthday
a monster masquerade party.
Really?
Oh, that's lovely.
Sort of like a last hurrah before
Dennis gets to be with normal people.
I couldn't have
said it better.
What do you think, Mavis? I think
I'm starting to like being creepy.
You're lucky we don't
call the authorities.
Let's go, my hero.
Cebause I'm Batman!
Yes! To the Batmobile!
Got your butt kicked by
a girl, Batman.
Yeah. Whatever.
I'm not about to cry.
Hotel Transylvania.
I smell humans!
Tear it down!
Bela, we're in the outside
world. You're gonna smell humans.
You know what? Just wait outside
for me. This is family stuff.
You'll only get in the way.
I just wanna meet
the little fanger.
He should know
his great-vampa.
His what?
Vampire grandpa. Come on.
That was obvious.
Amazing party!
So, what do you think?
This is your vampire costume?
What are you, nuts?
I ordered it online.
It was the only place
that delivered overnight.
You look like you got
a baboon's butt on your head.
Have you at least
practiced your voice?
You can't just
talk like a hippie.
I'm not a hippie.
I'm a slacker.
Talk like a vampire.
My name is Count Jonafang.
I am a vampire.
Okay, vampires don't go around
saying, "I am a vampire. "
Sorry. I am Count Jonafang.
Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Are you kidding me?
I'm sorry. I'm nervous.
Yeah, listen, if you
think I don't like it,
you definitely
don't want to say,
"Bleh, bleh-bleh,"
in front of my father.
Sir, Master Kakie
has arrived.
Oh, hey.
Drac, this is Brandon, a. k. a.
Kakie.
We got him for Dennis.
Hey, man.
Nauseated to meet you.
When does this happen? I got
a book fair in half an hour.
All right. Where's my vampson?
Oh, please. Still has to
make a dramatic entrance.
Dad! Look at you!
So you run a hotel now?
From Prince of Darkness
to King of Room Service.
Yes. So good to see you.
I'll be right with you.
Keep Vlad away from
the humans and Mavis.
I'm on it.
Oh, now that is
a neat costume.
These
two smell funny.
Oh, you're European.
It's called deodorant.
Nothing like insulting
an entire continent, Linda.
Hey, Count!
How goes it? Frankenstein.
Actually, I'm technically
Frankenstein's monster.
Frankenstein,
he's the doctor who...
Would love to hear more.
Call my people.
So, let me introduce you to
some of your son's other buddies.
This is Murray.
Please don't kill me!
I mean, yo, V! What's up?
Talking toilet paper.
Well, that's a new one.
All right! Where's the kid?
That's who I wanna meet.
Johnny!
This is Dracula's son-in-law.
I am Count Jonafang.
Bleh, bleh, black sheep.
Have you any wool?
What's that
thing on your head?
Looks like my
grandmother's boobies.
Daddy, who's the man
with the funny face?
Is this the kid?
It sure is.
Let me see those fangs.
What are you doin'?
Oh, I just love him so much.
I want to hug him right
in the fangs that he has.
I repeat,
lemme see those fangs.
Oh, he's a late fanger,
just like you.
Yes. Yes.
Just like me.
The big shot here was a
little crybaby, all right.
Yes, yes, I was.
Used to pee in his bed.
Okay, Dad.
We just need to scare
the fangs out of the kid.
Hare ha hangs?
Yeah, it's what I did
for Mr. Tough Guy here.
First, you've got
to possess something
the late fanger
finds sweet and innocent.
Then you show them
what's what and...
Pop!
Trust me. It'll scare the
fangs right out. Right, Drac?
Seriously, guys, if I'm late for the
book fair, I'll miss the street fair.
That's your guy.
Possessed?
But Dennis will be so upset.
Don't you get it?
This is our ticket.
If it works for Denisovich,
boom! He's a vampire.
And you all get to stay here.
All right. All right.
Capisce.
Good call.
Kids, everyone, have a seat.
Dennis has a big
surprise for you.
The one and only Kakie,
The Cake Monster!
Hey, kids! It's me, Kakie!
What a wonderful
Kakie day it is!
Now, I have a question.
Who here loves cake?
Rise!
Whoa, whoa...
Why am I floating? Can
I have the stage manager, please?
This isn't working for me.
Whoa...
Wow!
Scary, Denisovich? You
feeling anything? Any change?
Is Kakie okay?
I want all the cake.
Sharing is for cowards.
I don't remember any of this
from the TV show.
Um... I think I saw it on
a Blu-ray disc, bonus stuff.
Wait,
why is Grandpa Vlad up there?
I'm scared, Papa.
What's happening to Kakie?
You don't eat cake.
Cake eat you!
No!
Stop it!
What just happened,
man? I'm outta here.
None of these parents
better review this on Yelp.
Hey, what did you just do?
A few more seconds and the kid's
fangs would have popped right out.
I don't care.
It's not worth it.
What's not worth it?
It was my last attempt to make
the boy a vampire, so you'd stay.
By ruining his favorite thing?
How could you do that?
We were desperate.
You were in on this?
Dennis won't be
happy in my town.
Dennis hasn't been there.
? Now husband and wife
? Feel the strain
and the strife?
Shut up!
Johnny,
Dennis is not a monster.
He likes avocado.
'Cause you don't let
him eat anything fun.
I think Dennis just
wants to be normal.
Can we stop using
the word "normal"?
Where we live now,
he's normal.
He is who he is.
And you can't change him, Dad.
Dennis, where are you going?
Away.
But it's not safe
out here by yourself.
I know a place where
we can hide. Follow me.
If you didn't stop me,
my great-grandson wouldn't
have to be a wimp his whole life
like Schlumpy over here.
A wimp?
Johnny, be cool.
You wanna throw down, old man?
Certified yellow
belt since 1997.
No!
What's this now?
You're not a vampire?
Bleh?
Of course he's human. He's our
son. You think we're monsters?
You! You let your daughter marry
a human and have a human kid?
Why don't you just
put a stake through my heart.
We don't hate humans anymore,
and they don't hate us.
Humans?
You're a fool.
Your great-grandson is
the sweetest, kindest,
most special
boy I've ever met.
And if you can't
give him the love
he deserves
because he's half-human,
then you're the fool.
Oh, Daddy.
Hey, where is Dennis?
Dennis!
Dennis?
Happy birthday, Dennis.
I made you a treat.
Dead pigeon?
Enjoy it.
'Cause once I graduate business
school and start running a company,
you're not gonna get home-cooked
meals like this anymore.
I have to move away, Winnie.
To California.
My mommy thinks
I'm not happy here
cebause I don't have
hair on my face like you.
I'm sorry I'm not a monster.
No, you are perfect.
You're the nicest boy I know.
And I have 300 brothers.
You're nice, too, Winnie.
Well, well, well.
The little human and his pet.
Dennis!
Denisovich!
He's not in the room.
He's not by the pool.
He's not in this pot of soup.
Where could he be?
I don't know why I
ever invited you.
Dennis!
Dennis!
Denisovich!
Dennis!
Stop squirming.
Why are you doing this?
Because this is wrong.
Why doesn't anybody get that?
Humans don't
belong with monsters.
You're wrong!
I am not!
I am holding you hostage.
And me and my crew are gonna tear
that human-hugging hotel to shreds.
You can't.
Really? Why not?
Cebause...
Cebause, why?
Cebause it will
make Papa Drac sad.
Ooh... Sad. And what are
you gonna do about it?
I don't know.
You know why you don't know?
Cebause you're just
a weak little boy.
What was that?
Dennis, we're coming.
Are you okay, Winnie?
Yes, my zing.
Dennis!
There he is, right there.
Dennis! Baby!
My big boy!
Dennis,
we were lookin' for ya.
Sweetheart.
I'm so happy to see you.
There's his mean friends.
Oh... This'll be fun.
Whoo!
Huh?
I didn't do that.
You rock, Dennis.
He means Denisovich.
Kakie rules!
Dennis, I'm coming. Whoa...
I knew all that
practice would pay off.
That's right,
you better fly away.
Papa Drac, I'm
a vampire and a superhero.
Am I cool now?
"Now"?
Dennis, you were always cool.
Human, vampire, unicorn,
you're perfect no matter what.
But since I'm a vampire,
can we stay here?
Yes.
All right! Yeah!
All right!
But you have to know, we're going
to visit you here every holiday.
That's fine.
That's fine.
Aah!
Don't ever come near
me or my family again.
No!
Daddy, you just
saved a human.
All
this pressure about
when the boy's
fangs were coming out.
Who cares? Mine came
out years ago! Look.
Okay, Dad, put 'em back
in before we all barf.
Hey! Isn't it still
somebody's birthday?
Let me hear you sing!
I didn't do that.