When you see a guy
reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that
he's doin' it for some doll
When you spot a John
waiting out in the rain
Chances are he's insane
as only a John can be for a Jane
When you meet a gent
paying all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal
Call it sad, call it funny
But it's better than even money that
the guy's only doin' it for some doll
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And oh how they give you away
Why try to deny
You're a woman in love
When I know very well
What I say?
I got the horse right here,
the name is Paul Revere
And here's a guy that says
if the weather's clear
Can do, can do
This guy says the horse can do
If he says the horse can do
Can do, can do
I'm pickin' Valentine
cos on the mornin' line
The guy has got him
figured at five to nine
But look at Epitaph,
he wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
For Paul Revere I'll bite,
I hear his foot's all right
Of course it all depends
if it rained last night
I know it's Valentine,
the morning works look fine
You know, the jockey's
brother's a friend of mine
And just a minute, boys
I got the feedbox noise
It says the great-grandfather
was Equipoise
I tell you Paul Revere,
now this is no bum steer
It's from a handicapper
that's real sincere
I'm pickin' Valentine
cos on the mornin' line
The guy has got him
figured at five to nine
So make it Epitaph,
he wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
- Epitaph!
- Valentine!
Paul Revere!
I got the horse
Right here!
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more, stray no more
Put down the bottle
and we'll say no more
- Follow, follow the fold
- Before you take another swallow
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more, stray no more
Tear up your poker deck
and play no more
Follow, follow the fold
Friends, my name is Sarah Brown.
This is no place to make a speech
and I'm not gonna try.
You don't wanna be told
how unhappy you are.
You don't wanna be told
about the emptiness of your lives.
You who drink too much,
you who gamble at cards
and dice and horse racing.
Let us help you not to lose your money
in gambling dens and bookie joints.
- This doll has captured my attention.
- Let us give you strength to stop drinking.
- She has lost me.
- Welcome to the Save-A-Soul Mission.
- Just around the corner.
- Come to me.
- You're gonna call me a liar.
- A special prayer meeting this Thursday.
Because today I'm givin' away
solid gold watches for one dollar each.
That's right, my friends.
A solid gold watch for one buck.
Remember - all that glitters is not gold.
More to be desired
are the judgments of heaven.
- Gold is not enough.
- You say it's not enough?
All right. Today only,
I include a nailbrush with a solid ivory top.
Then, my friends, a built-in genuine
magnetic compass. There you are.
When you brush your nails,
do you wonder where you're goin',
north, east, south or west?
Which way are you going?
Down, down, down, or up to salvation?
Come to the mission and find out.
Absolutely free.
Absolutely free. The nailbrush is
absolutely free. Don't crowd. Don't push.
There's plenty of room for everybody.
There's room for everybody
in the kingdom of heaven, too.
Now, folks, I don't care
whether you buy it or not, because I'm...
Let's pack up.
Did you notice how this time a lot of 'em
stayed till halfway through your talk?
If we could only sell them
salvation for a buck -
solid gold, with an ivory top
and a built-in compass.
Sarah, you don't suppose by any chance
those watches could really be solid gold?
Uncle Arvide, don't you dare.
A solid gold watch for one buck.
Harry the Horse!
Benny Southstreet! Since when
do ya yell out the name of a person
- in the open air full of police?
- It was a friendly impulse. I lost my head.
If I do not like you so much
this would now be a fact.
- You know Nicely-Nicely Johnson?
- How goes everything?
Nicely-nicely, thank you.
I have been waitin'
to hear from Nathan Detroit.
What will be the location
of his crap game?
We don't know yet. Nathan's been lookin'
around, but he is very hard to please.
Confidentially, Harry, the heat is on very
hot here, and it is making Nathan sweat.
That's too bad. I would dislike
to take my trade elsewhere,
but I am loaded and lookin' for action.
I've just acquired 5,000 fish.
5,000?
If it can be told, where did you
take on this fine bundle of lettuce?
I have nothin' to hide.
I collected the reward on my father.
It is an advantage
to have a successful father.
Nobody ever wanted my old man
for as much as 500.
I'm worried about Nathan.
Harry the Horse is not the only one.
There's a lotta loose money around
and everybody's lookin' for some action.
If Nathan doesn't find a place...
Why, Lieutenant Brannigan!
Mr. Southstreet, it is Lieutenant Brannigan
of the New York City Police Department.
Have either of you seen Nathan Detroit?
- Which Nathan Detroit is that?
- Your boss Nathan Detroit,
the one who runs a floating crap game.
- Floating?
- On a boat?
One that moves to a different spot every
night so the police can't break it up.
- Sounds like a very difficult thing to do.
- You should know.
It's your job to rustle up the customers
and tell them where it is.
Especially with a famous detective
putting on the heat.
And you can give
just that message to Detroit.
Brannigan says he's not going to find
a spot for his crap game
because Brannigan's put on the heat
and Brannigan's breathing
down everybody's neck.
Nathan, you're lucky.
You just missed Brannigan.
- I'm lucky. I missed Brannigan.
- He left a message. He said...
I am not going to find a place
for my crap game
because everybody knows
Brannigan has turned on the heat
and is breathing down everybody's neck.
That's what he said.
You tried the regular places?
Won't they take a chance, seeing it's you?
Seeing it's me, no.
Except one. Joey Biltmore's garage.
Joey said he might take a chance...
for 1,000 bucks.
- 1,000?
- In advance and in cash.
- He would not even take my marker.
- This I do not believe.
Joey Biltmore will not take your marker.
You got no idea what a breath
this Brannigan has got.
A marker's not just
a piece of paper saying:
"I owe you 1,000.
Signed, Nathan Detroit."
A marker is the one pledge
which a guy cannot welsh on, never.
It's like not saluting the flag.
It does not seem possible.
Me without a livelihood.
Why, I've been running the crap game
since I was a juvenile delinquent.
But, Nathan, the situation is desperate.
- You have got to think of something.
- My only thought costs 1,000 bucks.
I cannot even afford to think.
I'm broke. I'm so broke I couldn't even
buy a present for Adelaide today.
Is it her birthday?
It is mine and Adelaide's 14th anniversary.
We are engaged 14 years today.
Concentrate on the game.
The town is up to here with high players.
The Greek's in town.
- Brandy Bottle Bates!
- I know, I know.
I could make a fortune,
but to make a fortune I need a fortune.
1,000 bucks!
Where do I get it?
The Biltmore garage wants a grand
But we ain't got a grand on hand
And they now have a lock on the door
To the gym at Public School 84
There's the stockroom
behind McClosky's Bar
But Mrs. McClosky ain't a good scout
And things bein' how they are
The back of the police station is out
So the Biltmore garage is the spot
But the 1,000 bucks we ain't got
Why, it's good old reliable Nathan
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit
If you're looking for action,
he'll furnish the spot
Even when the heat is on,
it's never too hot
Not for good old reliable Nathan
For it's always just a short walk
To the oldest-established permanent
Floating crap game in New York
There are well-heeled shooters
everywhere, everywhere
There are well-heeled
shooters everywhere
And an awful lot of lettuce
For the fella who can get us there
If we only had a lousy little grand
We could be a millionaire
Good old reliable Nathan
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit
If the size of your bundle
you want to increase
I'll arrange that you go broke
in quiet and peace
In a hide-out provided by Nathan
Where there are
no neighbours to squawk
It's the oldest-established permanent
Floating crap game in New York
Where's the action?
Where's the game?
Gotta have the game
or we'll die from shame
It's the oldest-established permanent
Floating crap game in
New York
Gentlemen, I am deeply touched
by your faith and loyalty.
Gentlemen, do not worry. Nathan Detroit's
crap game will float again.
Nathan! Guess who's sittin' in Mindy's
right now, eatin' a steak breakfast.
- Hitler.
- Wrong. Sky Masterson.
Sky Masterson's in town. This should be
the greatest crap game of your career.
- Where's it gonna be?
- City Hall. The mayor's office.
- What time?
- We will leave you know, Angie.
Sky Masterson, the highest player
of 'em all. What a spot I'm in.
- Does he bet higher than the Greek?
- Why do you think they call him Sky?
Once, with my own eyes,
I saw him bet 5,000 bucks
that one raindrop'd beat
another raindrop down the window.
Once he was sick
and would not take penicillin.
He bet his fever would go to 104.
- Always makes crazy bets like that.
- Did he win?
Him and his crazy bets.
He got lucky. It went to 106.
So why don't I bet him?
Why don't I bet him
1,000 bucks on somethin'?
Max, what's the matter no Danish today?
It's a holiday in Denmark. How do I know?
- For years you been bringing me Danish.
- So we ain't got Danish today.
I'm bringing you cheesecake.
You want strudel, I'll bring strudel.
- I don't like strudel.
- So eat the cheesecake.
Live it up a little!
I do not understand you. Everyone's crazy
about Mindy's cheesecake and strudel.
They must sell thousands
of portions every day.
That's just it.
Everybody's on cheesecake and strudel.
Makes me feel like
I'm playing the favourite.
Playing the favourite...
Nicely, Benny, go into the kitchen
and find out exactly how many pieces
of cheesecake they sold yesterday -
also how many pieces of strudel.
How much cheesecake?
How much strudel?
What do you wanna know for?
I'm investigatin' for the FBI. Go!
Brannigan! Stop breathing down my neck.
- Why, Nathan!
- Adelaide. Doll!
Nathan, how could you think
I was Lieutenant Brannigan?
We don't even use the same perfume.
I was kinda daydreaming, I guess.
I don't dream about detectives,
Nathan, even in the daytime.
Do you know what I dream about? You.
And your career as a businessman
in a normal business.
And our career together
as a normal husband and wife.
Gesundheit. Your cold does not seem
to be getting any better.
It comes and goes, comes and goes.
It's just a chronic condition.
Even if it is, it sure hangs on.
Nathan... speaking of chronic conditions...
Happy anniversary.
Guess what's inside.
- 1,000 bucks?
- I only wish it was.
Go on. Open it up.
"Mr. Nathan Detroit. General Manager."
- General manager of what?
- Whatever you set your mind on, Nathan.
I have faith.
Adelaide, I...
I do not have a present for you.
Oh, I don't mind, Nathan,
if you don't give me a present.
It makes me feel like we were married.
Nathan, darling, there isn't anything
I couldn't do without.
Just as long as you don't start
running that crap game again.
Crap game? Adelaide.
Didn't I promise you?
- 1200 cheesecake and 1500 strudel.
- What?
Yesterday Mindy sold
1200 cheesecake and 1500 strudel.
More strudel than cheesecake.
Are you sure?
- Straight from the baker's mouth.
- What is this?
Statistics. Things a businessman
has to have at his fingertips.
- Any news?
- Not yet. I will leave you know.
I'm gettin' impatient, Detroit.
- And what was that about?
- His wife's havin' a baby.
But why is he asking you?
He's nervous. It's his first wife.
I'm expecting a fellow
on important business.
Suddenly I get a suspicion
you are trying to get rid of me.
No, doll, no.
But this fella does big business.
- Supermarket?
- Super, super.
With him, business is business,
and dolls make him nervous.
Besides, you're late for your rehearsal.
Take Adelaide to the Hot Box. In a cab.
- It's only a few blocks.
- The streets are covered with tourists
and I do not want you molested.
Nathan, darling, you are the most
thoughtful man that ever lived.
- But who's gonna pay for the cab?
- I am, of course.
Sky Masterson.
- Detroit.
- Can I believe my eyes? Is it you?
- How goes your percentage of life?
- Not bad, not bad. And you?
- Healthy at the moment.
- Sit for a minute. Relax. Talk.
Or maybe you're in a hurry.
My daddy always said there's only
one time a man should be in a hurry.
When the cops are comin' up the stairs.
How about a coffee?
Maybe a piece of cheesecake?
Thanks. I'm pleased to hear
things go well with you, Nathan.
From communiqus
received in Las Vegas,
we understood that Brannigan
was corkin' up the town.
Who worries about Brannigan?
- How was Vegas?
- Paradise for two weeks.
I gambled in green pastures,
the dice were my cousins
and the dolls were agreeable
with nice teeth and no last names.
You are sure I cannot offer you
cheesecake or strudel?
No, thanks. I just ate.
- How long you gonna be in town?
- Only tonight. Tomorrow I fly to Havana.
Sky, don't think I am a pest,
but do yourself a favour -
eat this last little bite of cheesecake.
You will thank me.
Honestly, I couldn't swallow a mouthful.
- How is Adelaide?
- Fine.
I suppose one of these days
you'll get married.
- We all gotta go sometime.
- But, Nathan, we can fight it.
The companionship of a doll is pleasant
even for a period running into months.
But for a close relationship
that can last through our life,
no doll can take the place
of aces back to back.
Still, you will admit that Mindy's
cheesecake is the greatest alive.
Gladly. Furthermore,
I am quite partial to Mindy's cheesecake.
And yet, although you might disagree,
many people prefer Mindy's strudel.
Do you disagree?
It is my understanding
that the Constitution
allows everybody the free choice
between cheesecake and strudel.
I would be interested to hear.
Offhand, would you say that Mindy sells
more cheesecake or more strudel?
Going strictly by my personal preference,
I'd say more cheesecake than strudel.
For how much?
- What?
- For how much?
Why, Nathan! I never knew you
to lay money on the line.
You always take your bite off the top.
1,000 bucks says that yesterday Mindy
sold more strudel than cheesecake.
- Nathan, let me tell you a story.
- Have we got a bet?
On the day I left home to make my way in
the world, my daddy took me to one side.
"Son," my daddy says to me,
"I am sorry I am not able
to bankroll you to a large start,
but not having the necessary
lettuce to get you rolling,
instead, I'm going to stake you
to some very valuable advice."
"One of these days, a guy is going to
show you a brand-new deck of cards
on which the seal is not yet broken."
"Then this guy is going to offer to bet you
that he can make the jack of spades
jump out of this brand-new deck
of cards and squirt cider in your ear."
"But, son, you do not accept this bet
because, as sure as you stand there,
you're going to wind up
with an ear full of cider."
Now, Nathan, I do not suggest that you
have been clocking Mindy's cheesecake.
- Would I do such a thing?
- However, if you are looking for action,
I will bet you the same 1,000 that you
cannot name the colour tie you have on.
Have we got a bet?
No bet.
Polka dots. In the whole world,
nobody but Nathan Detroit
could blow 1,000 bucks on polka dots.
- Hi, Sky.
- Nice to see you.
- How goes it?
- Healthy. And with you, Nicely?
Nicely-nicely, thanks. Nathan?
What's the matter, Nathan? You look sick.
The cheesecake backed up on him.
Maybe that's why they told us
they sell more strudel.
Adelaide gave us a message for you.
Be sure and pick her up after the show.
- And don't be late.
- Yes, dear.
- I mean, OK.
- Yes, dear?
This is husband talk if I ever heard it.
You are trapped because Adelaide
is a doll that is most difficult to unload.
I don't want to unload her. I love her.
A guy without a doll... If a guy does
not have a doll, who would holler on him?
- A doll is a necessity.
- I am not putting the knock on dolls.
But they are something to have only when
they come in handy, like cough drops.
And the proof that I am right is that dolls
are available as far as the eye can see.
Not dolls like Adelaide.
Nathan, nothing personal and no offence,
but, weight for age, all dolls are the same.
- All dolls are the same, huh?
- As far as the eye can see.
It seems to me the one place a doll would
come in handy would be in Havana.
So how come you ain't got one? How
come you are going alone, without a doll?
A matter of choice.
I choose to travel alone,
but if I wish to take a doll, the supply
is more than Woolworths has got beads.
- Not high-class dolls.
- There's only one class: interchangeable.
A doll is a doll.
All dolls, any doll. You name her.
Any doll? Will you bet on that? Will you
bet 1,000 bucks that if I name a doll,
you can take the same doll
to Havana with you tomorrow?
You've got yourself a bet.
I name her.
- Her?
- Sergeant Sarah Brown.
Daddy! I got cider in my ear.
It is my fault, you know.
It's not the mission. It's me.
I can't do the job that has to be done.
I'm a failure.
I'd be doing the right thing if I resigned
and went back home to Boston.
Sarah... should you be able
to bend a solid gold watch?
- Of course not.
- That's what I thought.
Why do you want to go home?
There aren't any sinners in Boston?
What have I accomplished here?
Thousands of depraved characters,
and after months of hard work
an empty mission!
Sarah, I'm ashamed of you.
Just because the riffraff of Broadway
didn't break down that door when they
heard you were in charge of this mission.
These aren't small-town delinquents
who drink too much on Saturday night.
You're up against the devil's first-string
troops, a whole army of devil's disciples.
- Do you take sinners here?
- At any time of the day or night, son.
Come right in and sit down.
- Cup of coffee and a doughnut?
- Just coffee, thanks.
I am not here because I am poor
and hungry... not for food, that is.
"Blessed are they which do hunger
after righteousness." Is that it?
Hunger and thirst after righteousness.
Yes, sir. That's it.
My name's Arvide Abernathy. The young
lady at the desk is Sergeant Sarah Brown.
To you, we're Brother Arvide
and Sister Sarah. Sit down, son.
- How do you do?
- Brother Sky. Hello, Sister Sarah.
- Is that your name? Sky?
- Sky Masterson.
What is it that troubles you,
Mr. Masterson?
- Brother Sky.
- I gather you are not in need of money.
I'm healthy at the moment. It can change.
Are only the unhappy poor welcome?
What are you unhappy about, son?
Gambling.
Apparently you're a successful gambler.
Is it wrong to gamble, or only to lose?
- I'll come back for help when I'm broke.
- Don't misunderstand.
It's just so unusual for a successful
sinner to be unhappy about sin.
Besides, my unhappiness came up
very suddenly. Maybe it'll go away again.
We can keep you unhappy, son.
Give us a chance.
You don't look like a gambler at heart.
What made you take it up?
Evil companions. Evil companions
who are always offering me sucker bets.
- Just what is a sucker bet?
- A bet that is reserved for suckers.
For a gambler to get sucked in
on such a bet is most humiliating.
But to lose it means that you are marked
for a very long time as a chump.
You must go all out to win it.
Is that so terrible,
to be marked as a chump?
Among my people, being a chump
is like losing your citizenship.
A chump is an outsider, a yokel
who will buy anything with varnish on it.
Like a solid gold watch for a dollar?
This is a real chump.
Well, I think I'll get some rest
before we go out again.
Brother Sky, I'm glad you found us.
You stay here and talk to Sister Sarah.
Whatever your problems are,
she'll have the answers.
- I hope so.
- I know so.
If there's one thing
Sister Sarah never fails in,
it's solving other people's problems.
What did he mean by that?
The way he said you never fail
in solving other people's problems.
Haven't we changed places,
Mr. Masterson?
- Brother Sky.
- Aren't we supposed...
Why do you have trouble
calling me Brother Sky?
We're supposed to be
discussing your problems.
Maybe non-sinners also have problems.
If you are sincerely interested in
giving up gambling, Mr... Brother Sky,
reading these pamphlets will help you.
My daddy said reading pamphlets
never made anybody give up anything.
Now, I had a more personal help in mind.
There's a midnight prayer meeting
on Thursday.
The day after tomorrow.
Who's going to help me until then?
Well, our doors are always open.
Come in any time.
You know what I think, Sister Sarah?
I think you not only don't wanna help me,
but you're against me.
I'm afraid that is true.
I'm afraid I don't trust you, Mr. Masterson.
- Brother Sky.
- Mr. Masterson.
You don't believe I'm a sinner.
I'm prepared to believe you're the biggest
sinner I've ever met in my life.
But you don't believe I want to repent.
Is that it?
All of a sudden you want a cup of coffee.
Did it ever occur to you that some people
could be all repentance and no sin?
You know, I may start
a chain of missions to help your kind.
"Come all ye repenters and let us
bring a little sin into your life."
"There is no peace unto the wicked.
Proverbs." This is wrong.
Let's say it's a matter of opinion,
shall we?
I made a statement of fact. It's wrong.
How dare you! Even if this is not
a church, it is a mission.
- How dare you blaspheme.
- How dare you misquote the Bible.
This is not Proverbs.
- Of course it's Proverbs.
- Isaiah.
Chapter 57, verse 20 or 21.
Would you like to bet on it?
Not money, just a nice sociable bet?
Isaiah?
Only one thing has been in as many
hotel rooms as I have - the Gideon Bible.
Never tangle with me on the Good Book.
I must have read it a dozen times.
- If all that was no help to you...
- Who says it wasn't?
In one of my blackest moments
I came up with a three-horse parlay.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
- Mr. Masterson, why did you come here?
- I told you, I'm an unhappy sinner.
- Excuse me, but you're a liar.
- Lying is not one of my sins.
I am not in the market
for a one-dollar solid gold watch.
All right. We'll lay it on the line.
- We'll deal the hand open.
- Could you say that in English?
I'm sure you've earned your stripes
in combat against the devil.
- There's no need to be sarcastic.
- But not on this battlefield
against the devil's first-line troops.
You can't get at the enemy.
This mission is laying an egg.
- You have no way of knowing.
- I've got lots of ways.
You are stuck with a store
full of repentance and no customers.
Without sinners to repent,
repentance doesn't exist.
So you're stuck with a store full
of nothing. Do I give you a fair rundown?
I wouldn't know.
I've never had a rundown.
- Would you be open to a proposition?
- I've had those. No.
Don't flatter yourself. I'm talking business.
I am in a position to supply
the raw material you need for your work.
- Namely sinners.
- How?
That's my work. Now when is this
big midnight meeting of yours?
Thursday. I guarantee to supply that
meeting with one dozen genuine sinners.
- Whether they repent or not is up to you.
- Thank you. That's a fair rundown.
Now, if you will excuse me...
Just a minute, Sister Sarah.
This is not a charity contribution.
This is a business transaction.
Something you want for something I want.
And what is that?
Have dinner with me tomorrow night.
Why should that be something you want?
Well, maybe because I think
I'll be hungry tomorrow night.
- Keep this. It's my marker.
- Your what?
My marker. My IOU for one dozen
genuine sinners delivered as described.
- I will pick you up tomorrow at noon.
- At noon to go to dinner?
It takes time to get there. We're going to
my favourite restaurant - El Caf Cabana.
Where's that?
- Havana.
- Havana, Cuba?
- Well, what other Havanas are there?
- You wanna take me to dinner in Cuba?
- Well, they eat in Cuba, same as we do.
- What do you take me for? A chump?
- Isaiah's on the other side.
- Get out.
What are they worth to ya? One dozen
genuine sinners ready for salvation.
What are they worth to you?
A chicken salad in the tearoom?
One last word, Sergeant.
I don't want you to walk out of this room
thinking you're upset because some
black-hearted sinner made advances...
- It's none of your business what I think.
- ...to a virtuous lady with a white soul.
Any sinful thoughts present in this room
at this time come out of you, doll, not me.
You're quite right. I'm nothing
but a repressed, neurotic girl -
I've read books on the subject -
who is abnormally attracted to sin,
and so abnormally afraid of it. You're
not the first man to try that approach.
I am happy to know that I am not the first
man who tried to approach in any way.
- You're not even close.
- I imagine you've succeeded
in blocking all possible approaches.
Except for a few that
you wouldn't know about, I'm afraid.
Well, of course, I only know
the ones on the outskirts of society.
What are the approaches like
on the inskirts?
All paved with honourable intentions?
- I wonder what he'll be like.
- Who?
That upright, downright, forthright square
with his close-shaved chin up,
who right now, somewhere, is marching
along the proper approach to proper you.
- What'll he be like?
- He will not be a gambler, for one thing.
I can name better than you the things
he won't be, but what will he be?
- How will you know when he gets to you?
- Don't worry. I'll know.
For I've imagined every bit of him
From his strong moral fibre
To the wisdom in his head
To the homey aroma of his pipe
You have wished yourself
a small-town Galahad
The breakfast-eating four-button type
And I shall meet him
when the time is ripe
I'll know
When my love comes along
I won't take a chance
For, oh
He'll be just what I need
Not some fly-by-night
Broadway romance
And you'll know at a glance
by the two pair of pants
I'll know
By his calm, steady voice
Those feet on the ground
I'll know
As I run to his arms
That at last I've come home
Safe and sound
And till then I shall wait
And till then I'll be strong
For I'll know
When my love
Comes along
Mine will come as a surprise to me
Mine I leave to chance and chemistry
- Chemistry?
- Yeah, chemistry.
Suddenly I'll know
When my love comes along
I'll know then and there
I'll know
At the sight of her face
How I care, how I care, how I care
And I'll stop
And I'll stare
And I'll know
Long before we can speak
I'll know
In my heart
I'll know
And I won't ever ask
Am I right? Am I wise? Am I smart?
But I'll stop
And I'll stare
At that face
In the throng
Yes, I'll know
When my love
Comes along
Well, that makes it necessary
for me to drop back again.
Matthew 5:39.
Don't bother looking it up.
It's the bit about the other cheek.
I know, Joey.
But the 1,000 bucks is guaranteed.
What? It's a bet I cannot lose.
I bet Sky Masterson he could not take
a certain doll to Havana with him.
Not this doll.
Now for the grand finale
of our round-the-world revue,
the Hot Box takes you out to the alley
with Miss Adelaide and her Alley Kittens.
One meow, two meow,
three meow, scat!
What's the initial of my pet tomcat?
Is it A, B, C, D, E, F, G?
Is it H or J or L, M, N, O, P?
Is it L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T?
No, it's you! You're the cat for me!
You know you've been mean to me
And you know when you're mean to me
How it always makes me wanna roam
And you know there's a danger
That some gentle stranger
Might pick me up
and make me feel at home
So pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
Ooh, pet me, Poppa
- Poppa, melt the ice
- And you know how
If you don't want me out roamin' the city
Talk to me pretty - here, kitty kitty!
And pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
Ooh, pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me good
Mm, pet me, Poppa
- Proper, like you should
- And you know how
If you care to keep me home by the fire
Specially when it's time to retire
Then pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me good
Warm up my saucer of milk
And maybe I'll purr
Lay out my cushion of silk
Don't rumple my fur
- Just reach over and...
- Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, melt the ice
If you don't want me out roamin' the city
Talk to me pretty - here, kitty kitty!
And pet me, Poppa
That's my good advice
Pet me, Poppa
Pet me, Poppa
Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me
That'll get me! Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
I gotta hang up. Can I tell the guys that
the game'll be at your garage tomorrow?
I would gladly pay you in advance, but
I will not get the money until tomorrow.
I've got to have time
to spread the word around.
Joey, listen to...
Yes, Joey.
Drop dead, Joey.
Oh, Nathan, darling!
You got here early.
It's so thrilling to find you waiting for me.
Just like we were married
and I was coming home from work.
You wouldn't make me stop working,
would you, Nathan?
That would be cruel. A doll like you could
earn good money for another ten years.
- Easy.
- Sweet!
And you were reading my book, too.
See? I told you reading
don't make people go blind.
It's very interesting, isn't it?
What is? Oh, the book. Yeah.
The doctor gave it to me. He said
it might help me get rid of my cold.
- With a book?
- He thinks that my cold might possibly
be caused by psychology.
How does he know you got psychology?
Nathan! Everybody has got it.
And female psychology explains why
certain girls do certain kinds of things.
It's all in the book.
Must be some book.
Would it, for instance,
tell you what kind of a doll
would go for a certain kind of a guy
which you wouldn't think she would?
Nathan! No matter
how terrible a fella seems,
you can never be sure
that some girl won't go for him.
Take us.
Get dressed. We'll go eat.
Starting with next week, Nathan,
I will be getting a raise in salary.
Where does it say what different dolls do?
You're not even listening to me.
Gesundheit.
I will be making enough
so that we can finally get married.
What do you think?
Of course we'll get married.
Sooner or later.
Nathan, after 14 years
it is already too late to be sooner.
And if it gets much later,
soon it will be too late even to be later.
Gesundheit.
Besides, Nathan, I don't know
what to do any more about Mother.
- Mother? What about your mother?
- This is something I haven't told you,
but my mother, back in Rhode Island,
she thinks that...
that we are already married.
How could she think such a thing?
Maybe because I wrote her
that we were already married.
- That would make her think so.
- In Rhode Island
people do not remain engaged
for 14 years.
- They get married.
- So how come it's such a small state?
Furthermore, after about two years...
after about two years we...
We got a divorce?
- We had a baby.
- You wrote your mother we had a baby?
I had to, Nathan.
Mother kept after me and after me
and finally I just ran out of excuses.
And what type baby was it?
It was a boy. I named it after you, Nathan.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Tell me, what has Nathan Junior
been doing all these years?
Well... right now he's in boarding school.
As a matter of fact, I wrote Mother that
he won the football game last Saturday.
I wish I had a bet on it.
But, Nathan...
That isn't all.
You're not going to say
we also have an Adelaide Junior?
All these years, Nathan.
Mother believes in big families, and...
And we had such an early start.
Just give me the grand total.
- Five.
- Adelaide!
How could you do such a thing
to a nice old broad like your mother?
Nathan, darling, let's just us get married
and I'll handle everything else. OK?
OK, doll. When we're ready.
Nathan, we are ready now.
We have been ready for 14 years.
All we need now is a licence
and a blood test.
- Blood test?
- Don't worry, Nathan. You've got blood.
What a city! First they close my crap
game and then they open my veins.
Nathan, you gave up the crap game.
Of course I did, doll. And you know why?
For you. Because I love you.
Can I borrow some earrings?
It is customary, Laverne, to knock
when entering the private
dressing room of an engaged person.
As far as I'm concerned,
you are in here by yourself.
- May I borrow some earrings?
- Diamonds or pearls?
- Diamonds.
- Top drawer of the trunk. The big box.
Aren't they a little long, dear?
Remember, you've got a short neck.
He's a tall man.
You! I'm all dated up
with Society Max tomorrow night,
and he breaks it
on account of your silly crap game.
Adelaide, look at me. I'm on my knees.
Oh, get up.
It reminds me of your crap game.
Adelaide, doll!
You're getting yourself
upset about nothin'.
It's a game I set up a long time ago.
I couldn't get out of it.
Understand?
Look, we love each other.
We're gonna get married.
We'll be happy.
Get out of my life, Nathan Detroit.
I knew you'd understand.
Gesundheit.
It says here:
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration
May react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract
In other words, just from waiting around
for that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold
You can spray her wherever
you figure the streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever
she's got but it just won't work
If she's tired of getting
that fisheye from the hotel clerk
A person can develop a cold
It says here:
The female remaining single
Constantly in suspense
Shows a neurotic tendency
See note
See note? Note?
Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye, the ear,
the nose and throat
In other words, just from wondering
whether the wedding is on or off
A person can develop a cough
You can feed her all day
with the vitamin A and the bromo fizz
But the medicine never gets
anywhere near where the trouble is
If she's getting a kind of a name
for herself and the name ain't his
A person can develop a cough
And furthermore, just from stalling
and stalling and stalling the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe
When they get on the train for Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air-conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Yonkers racetrack
For the 14th time
A person can develop la grippe
La grippe, la post-nasal drip
With the wheezes and the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip
From a lack of community property
and a feeling she's getting too old
A person can develop a bad, bad cold
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more, stray no more
Put down the bottle
and we'll say no more
One minute earlier
you would have witnessed
Miss Sarah give
Sky Masterson a 100% brushoff.
So the 1,000 for Joey
is practically in your pocket.
- You should be jumping for joy.
- I'm jumpin'.
You got work to do.
Arrangements to make.
- A shave and a hot towel'll fix you up.
- For who should I have a shave?
- For who should I have a hot towel?
- Do you know what is at stake here?
Nathan Detroit's crap game.
Because of a doll.
I cannot believe a number one
businessman like you
could let himself
fall in love with his own fiance.
So Adelaide is my weakness! Can you not
be tolerant that I have got a weakness?
Especially since this is a sad condition
that guys are in all over the world? Look.
What's playin' at the Roxy?
I'll tell you what's playin' at the Roxy
It's a picture about a Minnesota man
so in love with a Mississippi girl
That he sacrifices everything
and moves all the way to Biloxi
That's what's playin' at the Roxy
What's in the Daily News?
I'll tell you what's in the Daily News
Story about a guy
who bought his wife a small ruby
With what otherwise
would have been his union dues
That's what's in the Daily News
What's happenin' all over?
I'll tell you what's happenin' all over
Guys sitting home by a television set
who used to be something of a rover
That's what's happening all over
Love is the thing that has licked them
And it looks like I'm just another victim
Yes, sir.
When you see a guy
reach for stars in the sky
You can bet
that he's doin' it for some doll
When you spot a John
waitin' out in the rain
Chances are he's insane
as only a John can be for a Jane
When you meet a gent
payin' all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal
Call it sad, call it funny
But it's better than even money
that the guy's only doin' it for some doll
When you see a Joe
savin' half of his dough
You can bet there'll be
mink in it for some doll
When a bum buys wine
like a bum can't afford
It's a cinch that the bum
is under the thumb of some little broad
When you meet a mug
lately out of the jug
And he's still liftin' platinum folderol
Call it hell, call it heaven
It's a probable twelve to seven
that the guy's only doin' it for some doll
When you see a sport
and his cash has run short
You can bet
he's been blowin' it on some doll
When a guy wears tails
with the front gleaming white
Who the heck do you think
he's ticklin' pink on Saturday night?
When some lazy slob
gets a good steady job
And he smells from Vitalis and Barbasol
Call it dumb, call it clever
Ah, but you can give odds for ever
that the guy's only doin' it for some doll
Some doll, some doll
The guy's only doin' it for some doll
Well, I think we finally managed
to shake off the prince of darkness.
You certainly discouraged him.
I certainly did.
Arvide.
General Cartwright,
what a pleasant surprise.
- We didn't know you were in town.
- A flying visit.
Flew in from Boston early this morning.
Important luncheon meeting.
While waiting, thought I'd check
a few of our outposts informally.
I'm surprised the mission was unattended
in a neighbourhood as unsavoury as this.
Why should you be surprised?
You've seen our records.
We don't seem to get anyone in here
even to rob the place.
Yes.
Well, now that you've brought it up,
I must confess I have come for
a purpose - an unhappy one, I'm afraid.
It doesn't look as if
we accomplish anything, but in time...
Time, I'm afraid,
is what we can no longer afford.
My good friends,
after careful deliberation,
headquarters has decided
to close this branch of the mission.
- Close the mission?
- No, General. Please!
Even if I haven't made a success of it,
someone will.
Sarah Brown, if you can't
attract sinners, nobody can.
There are so many calls on us. So many
other places where our work is needed.
How do you do?
- I don't believe we've met, Brother...?
- Brother Sky Masterson. Former sinner.
I am General Cartwright,
regional director of Save-A-Soul.
- Why isn't his name on the report?
- What were you doing in there?
I was resting, Sister Sarah.
I was going to ask Brother Arvide
if he might let me carry the drum
when we go out again this afternoon.
On behalf of former sinners of the future,
I protest the closing of this mission.
- General, I think I should explain to you...
- Sarah, this man has a right to be heard.
Continue, Brother Sky.
General, would you be open
to a proposition?
The general is flying back to Boston. She
will not be available for dinner tonight.
Sarah, what are you talking about?
- What have you got in mind, young man?
- Faith in Sister Sarah.
I ask you to give her 36 hours to show
that she can make this mission pay off.
Saving souls should not be
referred to as paying off.
- Why 36 hours?
- Because he knows our big meeting,
36 hours from now,
will be a great success.
Uncle Arvide!
But how can you guarantee that,
Brother Sky?
Well, let's just say
I have a feeling about it.
"If sinners entice thee, consent thou not."
That's the wrong thought.
Where is yesterday's thought for today?
Top right-hand drawer.
Excuse me, General.
Before going to the expense
of a meeting, you'd require more
than just a feeling
that it will be successful.
It's a very strong feeling, General.
"There is no peace to the wicked."
Isaiah 57:21. That is correct.
General, my proposition is this.
Why don't you come to the midnight
meeting and find out for yourself?
Well, if I thought there was a chance
of finding definite progress,
any sizeable turnout...
What do you think, Sister Sarah?
Don't you honestly believe this mission
could be saved within the next 36 hours?
General Cartwright, I am in a position
to guarantee you personally
at least one dozen genuine sinners.
Hallelujah!
Be sure you're wearing your carnation.
Remember, nobody gets in the crap game
without they got a red carnation.
- It's like a password. Nathan's orders.
- We got the flowers. Where is the action?
The minute Nathan arrives we're gonna...
He has arrived. Is it all set? Can I tell
the customers it's Joey Biltmore's...
Not till I put the 1,000 in Joey's hand.
And I haven't got it yet.
I sent Nicely to wait for Sky. When he gets
the money, Nicely'll bring it back to me.
They won't stick around.
They're getting nervous.
I'm not nervous?
Harry the Horse.
How is everything in Brooklyn?
I hope, Detroit,
that you will not spoil our evenin'.
I happen to be entertainin'
a very prominent guest tonight.
I would like you to meet
Big Jule from Chicago.
I would like you to meet
Big Jule from Chicago.
Big Jule, welcome to our fair city.
In which, as you know, the heat is on.
However, if you will be patient,
you will be provided with action.
What do you say?
Shall we stick around or blow?
I come here to shoot crap.
Let's shoot crap.
- Order another milkshake and relax.
- Nathan!
Do not let the fact that Big Jule
drinks milk give you any wrong ideas.
- Big Jule does not like to be displeased.
- Why, Harry, did I give the impression
I was being rude to a guest with such
a well-deserved reputation as Big Jule?
Big Jule, I am sure that you did not
misunderstand my kidding remarks.
It's just that one look at your kindly face,
which is so full of fun, good fellowship...
Could I have a swallow of your milk?
Well, well, well...
What have we here?
The jails must be empty tonight.
Can anybody be missing?
Harry the Horse, Liver Lips Louie,
Angie the Ox, Society Max...
And here is a face
for which I cannot supply a name.
May I ask where you come from?
East Cicero, Illinois.
And what is your occupation there?
I'm a scoutmaster.
Don't ever help my mother
across the street.
Such lovely red carnations.
Is it a funeral? Did somebody die
suddenly that I don't know about yet?
What's on, Nathan? What brings
all these senior delinquents together?
- They got lonely. How do I know?
- Why are they all wearing carnations?
- They are also all wearing pants.
- You are up to no good, Detroit!
Is it a crime to wear flowers? Is Mindy's
suddenly a hideout for gangsters?
Lieutenant, I'll confess. We're smuggling
hot cheesecake into Canada.
This is all I need. It's complete.
Everybody in the whole world
who hates me is now here.
What's the use, Nathan?
Why try to keep it a secret?
- Bite your tongue, Benny.
- All right, what's this all about?
- It's... a party, Lieutenant.
- What kind of a party?
A dinner.
A bachelor dinner for Nathan Detroit.
He's gettin' married.
For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
Which nobody cannot deny
Nathan, darling. I'm so thrilled.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- It was gonna be a surprise wedding.
You certainly had me fooled, Detroit.
When is the happy occasion?
Well, it's gonna take a little time -
to get the blood test and the licence.
Wouldn't it be wonderful
to get married tomorrow?
After the opening
of the new show at the Hot Box.
Adelaide, according to the laws under
which we live, it's gonna take a little time.
You could elope.
- You are telling me to violate the law?
- It's legal to elope at your age.
And the great state of Maryland will
marry you right away - no blood test.
Ain't that unhealthy?
The lieutenant has come up with
a romantic suggestion of which I approve.
Elope, and for the trip
I will loan you my getaway car.
That is, my station wagon.
Oh, Nathan, darling. Let's do it.
Please?
OK. Deal me in.
Speech, Nathan.
Yeah, give us a little speech.
Unaccustomed as I am
to getting married
I am taking this occasion here to say
That me and Adelaide
Are finally naming the day
Though she knows deep in her heart
I'm a phoney and I'm a fake
She wants five children to start
Five's a difficult point to make
But...
Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-lovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance
I'll be respectable and nice
Give up cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
I got no more evenings free
Since Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-lovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance on me
Well, my congratulations, too.
And I certainly hope
there's nothing in heredity.
It might seem unimportant to you,
but your blintzes are gettin' cold.
Who cares? As long as Nathan stays hot.
Look, don't forget to bring
my purse to the Hot Box.
Nathan, darling, I'm so excited. I don't
even wanna eat and go back to work.
I've got so many things to do
before tomorrow night.
What about my mother?
I've gotta write to her. What'll I say?
Send a telegram. Date it back 14 years.
Adelaide
Adelaide
Ever-lovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance
I'll be respectable and nice
Give up the cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
You got no more evenings free
You may scratch me.
- Since Adelaide
- Adelaide
Ever-lovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance
On me
Nathan, you are indeed a most lucky fella.
She is a most beautiful doll indeed.
- Do you agree, Big Jule?
- Tell me, how long do you know the doll?
- 14 years.
- Let's shoot crap.
- Nathan!
- Got the money? You couldn't find Sky?
- Did you go to the mission?
- That's what I'm trying to tell ya.
- He must be with the mission band now.
- Nathan, wait!
"This church is for the most part Spanish
baroque built of native limestone."
"The original church
was built on this site in 1674
and reconstructed
between 1704 and 1724."
- It's almost impossible to believe.
- Well, that's not very old for a church.
Long before 1674
there were missionaries...
What does it say about the moonlight?
The moonlight?
- It's very bright, isn't it?
- You can even read your guidebook by it.
Now that you mention it...
- What does it say about the music?
- The music?
It's a lovely tune.
Sister Sarah, let me read out of
Sky Masterson's guidebook about you.
You could be locked away in a room
with no sun, no moon,
no laughter, no music, no love,
and you wouldn't care.
You could still be a missionary.
"The cobblestones in this plaza
are approximately four centuries old."
"They are the very cobblestones put
down by the Spanish colonists in 1519."
- What's your pleasure?
- Drinking.
What's your pleasure?
Milk, please.
- Don't make a spectacle of yourself.
- Milk.
You are a US citizen in a foreign country.
Have you no pride
in what the world thinks about us?
Milk!
What did you order?
Dulce de leche.
Dulce is the Spanish word for "sweet".
- De means "of' and leche means "milk".
- Sweet of milk.
Don't they serve it plain?
Well, only in the mornings.
It has to do with the heat.
At night they put
a kind of preservative in it.
That's interesting. What do they use?
Bacardi.
Doesn't that have alcohol in it?
Well, just enough to keep
the milk from turning sour.
That's the same song we heard
being played near the church, isn't it?
Playing the tambourine
has developed in you an ear for music.
Mr. Masterson, you think
I'm an awful prude, don't you?
Are you?
Well, I wonder sometimes.
For instance,
supposing I wasn't in mission work.
This is a tasty milkshake.
Do you mind if I have another?
Supposing I was just any girl.
Do you think just any girl
would be a prude
if she refused to go to Havana
with a man she'd never met before?
Oh, I suppose not.
Would you like some of mine
while you're waiting?
I haven't touched it.
Just a sip.
Oh, thanks.
I don't know when I've been so thirsty.
Still, you do think I'm a prude, don't you?
- I don't know what you are.
- You must think I'm something.
Yeah, you're something all buttoned up.
All except one button.
Oh, isn't it awful?
It's a nervous habit, I guess. So silly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking.
It's so delicious. That Bacardi flavouring
certainly makes a difference.
Oh, yeah. Nine times out of ten.
You know, this would be a wonderful way
to get children to drink milk.
A melody can have the same notes,
but suddenly it's a different song.
- Again, please?
- That song.
Before it was just romantic,
just silly slush.
But now it's playing inside of me,
all true and honest,
as if my heart were beating the drum.
How much do you know about life?
Only a little bit. Around the edges.
Tell me about life.
- All about it?
- How to live.
Doing what you want, having
what you want, saying what you want.
- Being what you want.
- Nobody can. Nobody does.
- If you could, you wouldn't want it.
- But you're wrong, Brother Sky.
- All right. You tell me about life.
- You don't believe I could. Don't you?
I believe I could. After all, it was you
that came to me for help, isn't that so?
Because you were unhappy.
What were you unhappy about, Sky?
- Well, I can't remember this minute.
- But you do remember that I failed you.
I was weighed in the balance
and found wanting.
Daniel 5:27.
For that I am truly sorry.
But I intend to make it up to you.
I intend to give you
all the help you will ever require.
- You have given me a lot of help already.
- You don't think I remember, don't you?
But I do. Every word,
as if you were saying it now.
- What?
- About having a more...
personal help in mind.
But I gave you those silly old pamphlets,
as if they could take the place
of a truly personal help.
How can a sinner hope to be saved by an
hour of help when for the rest of the 24
- he must fight temptation alone?
- How indeed?
It's been done with people
who drink too much, you know.
Help day and night, night and day.
- Anywhere, anytime.
- That's a full-time job.
Well, you're a full-time sinner.
Maybe a little time off
for good behaviour?
Pal, you're not gonna
fight alone any more.
- What if it's against mission policies?
- Because I'm gonna be with you.
A one-woman mission
for the personal salvation of me?
Day and night, night and day.
Sister Sarah, why would you want to?
Whatever you do, wherever you go.
Why, Sister Sarah? Why?
- I wanna be with you.
- The world's full of souls
- closer to salvation than mine.
- Anytime, anywhere.
Easier to save
and much more worth saving.
You...
Please say something.
I've got to know what you're thinking.
I'm thinking...
It's time you had your dinner.
Still dizzy?
You won't believe me, but with my head
underwater I actually heard bells ringing.
I'll believe ya.
- Ask me how do I feel.
- How do you feel?
Ask me now that
we're cosy and clinging
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a bell I'd be ringing
From the moment we kissed tonight
That's the way I've just got to behave
Boy, if I were a lamp I'd light
And if I were a banner I'd wave
Ask me how do I feel
Little me with my quiet upbringing
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a gate I'd be swinging
And if I were a watch
I'd start poppin' my springs
Or if I were a bell
I'd go ding dong ding dong ding
Ask me how do I feel
From this chemistry lesson I'm learning
- Chemistry?
- Yeah, chemistry!
All I can say is if I were a bridge
I'd be burning
Yes, I knew my morale would crack
From the wonderful way that you looked
Boy, if I were a duck I'd quack
Or if I were a goose I'd be cooked
Ask me how do I feel
Ask me now that we're fondly caressing
Pal, if I were a salad
I know I'd be splashing my dressing
Ask me how to describe
this whole beautiful thing
Well, if I were a bell
I'd go ding dong ding dong
Ding
We just got time to catch
the last plane to New York.
People miss planes. It happens.
Yeah.
It also happens that people
win with loaded dice.
I know what I'm doing.
Do you, kid?
I don't.
Suddenly I'm playin'
by a whole new book of rules.
You make me feel as if I were
a dishonest horse race or something.
Look, the bells rang. They really rang.
They weren't magical bells for lovers,
full of rum and music
on a make-believe island.
They rang to tell us what time it is.
Shall we synchronise our watches?
Sarah, I know the night-time. I live in it.
It does funny things to you.
You must be trying to tell me
I'd hate myself in the morning.
I look as if I've been
in a fight or something.
You know, you're the most mixed-up man
- I've ever met in my life.
- Easily.
All that nonsense about night-time
and daytime and rule books and such.
Sarah...
You know why I brought you
here to Havana?
Because I made a bet that I could.
That's why I came to the mission,
to win a bet.
Why not? You're a gambler.
And, darling,
you are also a chump.
We're blocks from the mission.
Come on. A little walk will do you good.
What time is it?
It's dawn any minute.
What makes the light
so strange and white?
Because only in Times Square...
the dawn gets turned on by an electrician.
- Listen.
- What?
Footsteps.
Now is the time you can hear
footsteps on Broadway.
Cup of coffee?
Doughnut?
You remember that tune pretty well.
It keeps running through my heart.
It's got words, you know.
Something about "amor, amor", I'll bet.
It's about you.
About you right now.
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And oh how they give you away
Why try to deny
You're a woman in love
When I know very well
What I say
I say no moon in the sky
Ever lent such a glow
Some flame deep within
Made them shine
Those eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And may they gaze
Ever more into mine
Tenderly gaze
Ever more
Into mine
And what about you?
It's got you too
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a man who's in love
That same flame deep within
Made them shine
Your eyes are the eyes
- Of a man who's in love
- Woman in love
And may they gaze
Ever more
Into mine
Crazily gaze
Ever more
Into mine
Uncle Arvide!
- Where have you been?
- Good morning, Sarah.
Morning, Brother Sky.
Well, we took your advice.
We've been out all night
on a crusade against the devil.
Come on, fellas. The cops!
Come on, guys, let's get outta here.
- Nathan, what is this?
- Bingo!
Wait a minute. Where y'all goin'?
I'm out ten Gs.
It's no use. They were tipped off.
I suppose you can explain all this,
Miss Brown?
Explain? Explain what?
I guess it was just a coincidence that the
mission was open and empty all night
while everybody suddenly
took off on an all-night crusade.
But you yourself didn't go on the crusade
and you weren't here.
Now, maybe that's two coincidences.
Masterson, I had you in my big-time book.
Now I suppose I'll have to reclassify you -
under "shills and decoys".
You certainly do know the night-time,
don't you, and the funny things it does.
- It certainly did them to me, didn't it?
- You only have to answer one question.
It didn't do too much, though, thanks
to you, not me. Just more than enough.
- Answer one question.
- Any.
Am I now supposed to prove
I had nothing to do with this?
- There's nothing to prove.
- Are you saying I'm guilty?
Everything has already been proved. If I
hadn't gone, this wouldn't have happened.
- You went with me to help the mission.
- Did I?
I can't remember that far back.
Oh, Sarah.
Is that really why I went with you?
To help the mission?
- Is that really why you took me?
- To win the bet. I told you.
Was that all of the bet, Sky,
to get me out of the way?
- What do you take me for?
- Or was there more? Much more?
Did you win the bet?
Did you truly win all of the bet?
What do you take yourself for?
- What kind of a doll are you?
- A daytime doll.
A mission doll.
Thank you. And now the feature attraction
of our all-new Four-D Follies,
the Hot Box proudly presents
Miss Adelaide and her Debutantes.
- Nicely-nicely, thank you.
- I didn't ask you how you are.
- Don't.
- What are you doing here?
- Where's Nathan?
- Nathan. That's what I'm doin' here.
I'm supposed to bring
Miss Adelaide a message.
I wish Nathan would bring
his own messages.
He bought me the fur thing
five winters ago
And the gown the following fall
Then the necklace, the bag,
the hat and the shoes
Oh what generous gifts I recall
Then last night in his apartment
He tried to remove them all
And I said as I ran down the hall
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
Take back the gown
The shoes and the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift you'd
arranged was a token of your esteem
Now when I think of
what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
So take back your mink
To from whence it came
And tell them to shorten the sleeves
For some other dame
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
I'm screaming take back the gown
Take back the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift you'd
arranged was a token of your esteem
But when I think
of what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
Take back your mink
Those old worn-out pelts
And go shorten the sleeves
For somebody else
Well, wouldn't you?
I cannot do it. I cannot bring
myself to tell Miss Adelaide
Nathan is not going to elope with her.
- She is counting on him.
- Nathan is what he is.
She oughta know better.
I thought the game broke up last night.
Big Jule, being a large loser,
is insistent that the game goes on.
- We find a place and the game goes on.
- Where?
I could take you there,
but I must deliver this message first.
I'll deliver it.
Meet me outside in five minutes.
If you're lookin' for action,
the boys are pretty tired.
No, I'm leaving town tonight, but I...
I gave my marker to somebody
and I wanna make it good before I leave.
You know something, Sky?
Suddenly I'm embarrassed.
- I don't know which etiquette to use.
- Etiquette?
Well, your being here tonight must have
something to do with the wedding.
Nathan must have sent you
as one of his seconds or something?
- Well, Nathan didn't exactly send me.
- Then I don't understand.
I'm supposed to give you
a message from him.
He's out there, isn't he? I mean,
Nathan's here tonight in the Hot Box?
No.
But tonight...
Sky, we're eloping tonight.
We're getting married tonight. In front of
all those people we talked about it.
- Sky, he's just gotta be here!
- Well, he isn't.
It seems that one of
Nathan's close relatives...
- His aunt in Pittsburgh?
- That's the one.
His floating aunt in Pittsburgh.
- It's the crap game again.
- Does it surprise you? You know Nathan.
- But he promised to change.
- Change!
Who do you wanna marry? Nathan
or what you wanna make out of him?
I wanna marry
and live normal like people.
I wanna have a normal home
with wallpaper and book ends.
Well, then, fall in love with people.
Not with gamblers.
Adelaide...
My daddy once told me:
No matter who you get married to,
you wake up married to somebody else.
You take it the way the dice falls.
But a guy doesn't wanna feel that
he's just like a piece of material
a woman'll cut up and sew according to
the way they wear husbands this year.
It's easy for you to talk.
You're not in love with Nathan.
No, I'm not.
Wait till you fall in love
with somebody you shouldn't.
Wait till it happens to you.
Yeah...
Must be tough to take.
I don't think Sky had any more to do with
what happened here last night than I did.
That's why you buy
solid gold watches for a dollar.
- Do you believe it?
- Whether he had a hand in it or not...
- Do you believe it?
- They used our mission for their game.
- But if Sky had nothing to do with it...
- Don't you understand?!
All I could see was him running away
from the police with the rest of that trash.
All I could see was that
he was one of them.
And I never saw till now
how much in love with him you are.
- I'll get over it.
- Why would anyone wanna get over
the thing you hope for from the minute
you're born and remember till you die?
- I'll get over it.
- Why?
Because it's the greatest reward
that woman or man can have,
to love and to be loved?
I just wanna remind you.
You hold my marker for 12
or more sinners by midnight tonight.
- Forget about it.
- I do not forget a marker.
Well, last night the mission was filled
with your friends. Let's say we're even.
If you don't make that marker good,
I'll buzz it all over town you're a welsher.
- Time is running out. Where's the game?
- Only a ten-minute walk.
- Which way?
- This way.
Wait a minute! Where y'all goin'?
- I come here to shoot crap.
- I had enough.
How many days we all been here?
As you can see, Big Jule,
the boys are fatigued from weariness,
having been shooting crap
for quite a while now, namely 24 hours.
I don't care who's tired.
I'm out 25 Gs. Nobody leaves.
I am half dead.
If you do not shut up,
Big Jule will arrange the other half.
And since I've been cleaned out of cash,
I announce that I will now play on credit.
Big Jule, you cannot imagine
how exhausted they are.
Especially on a non-cash basis.
Me, personally, I'm fresh as a daisy.
- Then I'll play with you.
- But I am not a player.
- I am merely the operator.
- You been raking down out of every pot.
You must have quite a bundle.
Being I assume the risk, is it not fair
I should assume some dough?
Detroit, I'm gonna roll ya, willy or nilly.
If I lose... I'll give you my marker.
- And if I lose?
- You will give him cash.
Let me hear from Big Jule.
You'll give me cash.
I heard.
Here's my marker. Put up your dough.
- Anything wrong?
- "IOU one thousand. Signed X."
How can you write "one thousand"
but not your signature?
I was good in arithmetic
but I stunk in English.
Here. This'll put you through Harvard.
I'm rollin' the whole thousand.
And to change my luck,
I'm going to use my own dice.
- Your own dice?
- I had 'em made especially in Chicago.
I do not wish to seem petty,
but may I have a look at those dice?
But these dice ain't got no spots on 'em.
They're blank.
I had the spots removed for luck. But I
remember where the spots formerly were.
You are going to roll blank dice
and remember where the spots were?
Detroit... do you doubt my memory?
Big Jule, I have great trust in you.
Five and a five. Ten. My points: ten.
At least I got a chance.
He remembered a hard point.
Ten. I win. Six and a four.
- Which is the six and which is the four?
- Either way. I'm rollin' the 2,000.
Seven. I win.
I could have sworn
he would've remembered that.
Detroit...
I'm gonna take it easy with you this time.
I'm shootin' a dollar.
I'll cover all of it.
How do ya like that? Snake eyes. I lose.
I won't even bother to pick it up.
Benny, pick it up.
Detroit, I'm gonna give you a chance
to get even. I'm rollin' three Gs.
Three Gs! But that's my whole bankroll.
Three Gs. Get it up.
Well, here we go.
Down memory lane.
Lucky me. Eleven.
- I win.
- I'm clean.
Seein' that I'm on a lucky streak,
I will now roll the rest of you guys.
Wait a minute. You have got to
give me a chance to get even.
I will now roll you with my dice.
- What you gonna use for money?
- I will give you my marker.
And against your marker,
you want Big Jule to put up cash?
- Nathan done it.
- Yeah, I done it.
- What kind of a deal is this?
- Take it easy.
Him and his no-spot dice! Somebody
oughta knock the spots off of him.
Hey, Nathan, do not make Big Jule
have to do somethin' to you.
Detroit, I'm on my vacation.
Don't louse it up.
What could you do me?
Shoot me? Put me in cement?
At least I would know where I am.
I risk my neck to set up this crap game.
I even promise to get married on
account of it. And where do I wind up?
Broke, in a sewer. Believe me,
my tough friend from Chicago,
nothing you could do to me
would not cheer me up.
Here they are.
- And how is everybody down here?
- I smell fresh blood. Lookin' for action?
Not at the moment. I just came
to talk to some of my friends.
- We're shootin' crap.
- It'll only take a minute.
We're shootin' crap.
I would like to talk to you
about Sarah Brown's mission,
where you were interrupted last night.
What kind of characters walk around the
sewers of New York? Who is this joker?
Like I told you, he is the guy who was
tryin' to take the mission doll to Havana.
Oh, him. I suggest you return the way
you came, back to your prayin' tomato.
Around here your presence
is slowin' up the action.
If you are so eager for action, would you
care to make a wager on a proposition?
- Pray tell, what's the proposition?
- An old one my daddy taught me.
- Now am I right-handed or left-handed?
- Now how would I know a thing like that?
Well, I will give you a clue.
Nathan, give me that gu...
Now, to continue with
what I was talking about...
Tonight in the mission
they are holding a prayer meeting.
I promised to supply
that meeting with some sinners.
When it comes to sinners, no sewer in the
world could provide such a congregation.
I would consider it
a very great personal favour...
I don't wanna spend no time
in no hallelujah joint.
If not as a favour to me,
a favour to yourselves.
The air in the mission smells cleaner
than it does down here.
Rusty Charlie?
Society Max?
If anybody else would go, I would also go,
Sky. But you know me - I go anywhere.
Well, thanks, Nathan,
but just you alone is not enough.
Well, I tried.
Sky...
About that Havana business.
I regret that I temporarily
do not have the 1,000 to pay you.
I'm glad you reminded me, Nathan.
You won the bet.
But I thought you took
Miss Sarah to Havana.
You thought wrong.
Get on your feet, Big Jule.
I now have dough to roll you again.
- But with real dice.
- Nothin' doin'.
With honest dice, Big Jule
cannot make a pass to save his soul.
- What did you say?
- I said, with real dice,
Big Jule cannot make a pass
to save his soul.
That's very interesting.
Then maybe with honest dice,
I can make a pass to save his soul.
And yours and yours and yours.
I'm gonna roll these dice.
One roll. And on that roll I'm gonna bet
each of you $1,000 against your soul.
1,000 cash against a marker for your soul.
If I win, all of you show up
at the mission tonight. Have I got a bet?
Let me get this - hold it. Let me get this.
If you lose, then you gotta
give us each 1,000 bucks?
But if you win, then we all gotta
show up at the mission doll's cabaret?
Save-A-Soul Mission, midnight.
One meeting.
- If you lose, 1,000 apiece?
- 1,000 apiece.
- Well, that's OK by me.
- What have I got to lose?
What's the delay, Sky?
You turnin' chicken?
You know better than that, Horse.
You've seen me roll for twice as much.
Only I got...
I got a lot more than money
riding on this one.
They call you Lady Luck
But there is room for doubt
At times you have a very unladylike way
Of runnin' out
You're on this date with me
The pickings have been lush
And yet before this evening is over
You might give me the brush
You might forget your manners,
you might refuse to stay
And so the best that I can do
Is pray
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, if you've ever been
a lady to begin with
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, let a gentleman see
How nice a dame you can be
I know the way you've treated
other guys you've been with
Luck, be a lady with me
A lady doesn't leave her escort
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guy's dice
So let's keep the party polite
Never get out of my sight
Stick with me, baby,
I'm the fella you came in with
Luck, be a lady
Luck, be a lady
Luck, be a lady tonight
A lady wouldn't flirt with strangers
She'd have a heart, she'd have a soul
A lady wouldn't make
little snake eyes at me
When I've bet my life on this roll
So let's keep the party polite
Why don't he shoot?
- Never get out of my sight
- Come on! Quit stalling!
Stick with me, baby,
I'm the fella you came in with
- Be a lady
- Sky's turnin' yellow!
- Luck, be a lady
- What are you scared of?
- Luck, be a lady
- What's the matter? Roll the dice!
- Tonight
- Comin' out, comin' out
Comin' out, comin' out, comin' out right
- I tell ya, I don't wanna go there!
- But, Big Jule, you give your marker.
And if you welsh, this will
cause me no little embarrassment.
I am sure you do not wanna
cause me embarrassment.
Well, if it ever gets back to Chicago
that I went to a prayer meeting,
no decent person will talk to me.
- Adelaide!
- How clumsy of me.
So sorry. An awkward coincident.
Adelaide, listen. I sent Nicely
especially to explain about tonight.
- If you knew what I'd been through.
- Please. Let us not have a vulgar scene.
After all, we're civilised people. We do
not have to conduct ourselves like a slob.
Adelaide, what is this? How can you be
so upset over one lousy elopement?
I am not upset. I have succeeded in
your not being able to upset me no more.
I have got you completely out of my...
- Gesundheit.
- ...system.
Oh, Nathan!
Adelaide, baby.
Don't do that to me.
I can't stand it when you cry.
Look, we'll get married, I promise you.
And we'll have what you always wanted.
A little white house with a green fence.
Just like the Whitney colours.
Oh, Nathan. If I could only believe you.
We could still make everything all right.
- We could elope right now.
- Adelaide, could we?
I almost forgot...
but right at this time I cannot.
- Why not?
- I'm gonna tell the truth,
- but you will not believe me.
- Nathan, why can't we elope?
I have to go to a prayer meeting.
That is the biggest and most
unforgivable lie you have ever told me.
It's true. I promise you.
You promise me this,
you promise me that
You promise me everything
under the sun, but you give me a kiss
And you're grabbin' your hat
and you're off to the races again
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide...
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide...
I could honestly die
Call a lawyer and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you
- The best years of my life
I was a fool to give to you
All right already,
I'm just a no-goodnik
All right already, it's true
So nu?
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You gamble it here, you gamble it there,
you gamble on everything all except me
And I'm sick of you keepin' me up in
the air till you're back in the money again
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide...
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide...
I could honestly die
Serve a paper and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you
- When you wind up in jail
Don't come to me to bail you out
All right already, so call a policeman
All right already, it's true
So nu?
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You're at it again,
you're running the game
I'm not gonna play second fiddle to that
I'm sick and I'm tired of starting a row
and I'm telling you now that we're through
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide...
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide!
I could honestly die
Sue me, sue me
Shoot bullets through me
I love you
According to my wrist chronometer,
it's well past midnight.
If this big meeting were going
to be as big as you'd hoped,
- by now somebody...
- You're quite right, General.
- Sarah.
- Why keep up this silly pretending?
It was childish of us to think we could
suddenly make sinners appear
when we've failed
so miserably up to now.
And when I say "we", General,
I mean I've failed.
Welcome, brothers, welcome!
Come in, come in!
Come on. Move in. Move in. Everybody in.
Hats off. Step along.
You too, Big Jule.
Move it. Come on, kid.
Keep movin'. Come on.
Is everybody accounted for?
- Where's Nathan Detroit?
- Present.
All right.
Well, I made good my marker.
I oughta ask you to return it,
but it would break up
your pretty set of thoughts for today.
When you get around to it,
mark it "paid in full".
Won't you gentlemen sit down?
Sit down. Do as you're told.
On behalf of General Cartwright, Sergeant
Sarah Brown and the rest of us...
The army's certainly changed. In the next
war I wanna be a Red Cross nurse.
Quiet!
I would like to remind you, you are
no longer on your knees in a sewer,
but sitting in a mission. I trust that
there will be no further unpleasantness.
And now,
since I depart to move on to other places,
I'm appointing
Nathan Detroit as my deputy.
Nathan, I hand you all their markers,
to be returned when they are made good.
Anybody who does not play
strictly according to Hoyle
will answer to me personally.
And that means in person.
What a remarkable young man.
I will add nothin' to what Sky said,
except to say that there are many here
upon who, if they get outta line,
I would squeal with pleasure.
Brother Arvide, your dice.
Gentlemen, our meeting will be
conducted by the regional director
of the Save-A-Soul Mission,
General Cartwright.
I have rarely attended a meeting
in any of our branches
which could boast of
so many evil-looking sinners.
Now surely your hearts must be heavy
with sins to which you want to confess.
Who will be the first to start
by giving testimony?
- Benny Southstreet, give testimony.
- I plead the fifth commandment.
Come, brothers.
We know how difficult it is.
But if one will open your heart,
the others will follow.
Benny, this is an order.
Tell the people what a bum you are.
Well... I was always a bad guy.
I was even a bad gambler. I would like
to be a good guy and a good gambler.
I thank you.
- Who will be next?
- Big Jule.
What's the pitch?
Tell the people all the terrible things
you done but ain't gonna do no more.
And watch your language.
Well, I used to be bad when I was a kid.
But ever since then I've gone straight,
as I can prove by my record -
33 arrests and no convictions.
- Horse.
- No.
- Harry the Horse.
- Go ahead.
Well, when Sky was rollin' us
against our souls, I...
- I beg your pardon?
- Sky Masterson.
He rolled us 1,000 bucks.
That's why we're here.
- I don't think I understand.
- I'll interpret for you, General.
He means that they are here only because
Sky Masterson won them in a dice game.
Then this whole meeting,
in a way, is the result of gambling.
Fire fought with fire.
Sergeant Sarah,
you are to be congratulated.
Congratulations, Sarah.
Thank you so much.
I ain't finished my testimony yet.
So, my sin is that when Sky was rollin' us,
I wished that I could win the 1,000 bucks
instead of havin' to come here.
But now that I'm here,
I still wish it.
Something very funny has been
happening to me. Sitting here, I mean.
Like I've been remembering a dream.
Tell us, Nicely. Tell us in your own words.
Yeah, that's it. A dream.
I dreamed last night
I got on the boat to heaven
And by some chance
I had brought my dice along
And there I stood
and I hollered "Someone fade me!"
But the passengers,
they knew right from wrong
For the people all said sit down,
sit down, you're rockin' the boat
People all said sit down,
sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under
by the sharp lapel of your chequered coat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down,
sit down, you're rockin' the boat
I sailed away
on that little boat to heaven
And by some chance
found a bottle in my fist
And there I stood,
nicely passin' out the whisky
But the passengers were bound to resist
For the people all said beware,
you're on a heavenly trip
People all said beware,
beware, you'll scuttle the ship
And the devil'll drag you under
by the fancy tie round your wicked throat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down,
sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And as I laughed
at those passengers to heaven
A great big wave came
and washed me overboard
And as I sank and I hollered
"Someone save me!"
That's the moment I woke up
- Thank the Lord
- Thank the Lord
Thank the Lord
And I said to myself sit down,
sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Said to myself sit down,
sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under,
with a soul so heavy you'd never float
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down,
sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down,
you're rockin' the boat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down,
you're rockin' the boat
- Sit down
- You're rockin'
The boat
Now, Brother Brannigan,
what can we do for you?
Maybe you would like to testify?
I'll do my testifying in court,
where I will testify that you ran a
crap game here in the mission last night.
A crap game? In the mission?
Miss Sarah, you were standing right there
when they ran out. You saw them.
Aren't these the men?
You must be mistaken, Lieutenant.
I never saw these gentlemen
before in my life.
There's a right broad.
And now if you'll excuse us, Lieutenant,
we'd like to go on with our meeting.
Tell me somethin'.
Is my name Brannigan?
- When last seen.
- Thanks.
I was beginnin' to wonder.
On behalf of everybody concerned,
thanks, Miss Sarah.
Also at this time I would like
to personally make a confession.
General,
we did shoot crap here last night,
but unbeknownst to anybody
connected with the mission.
And for this we're all sorry.
Ain't we, boys?
I'm really sorry.
I did another terrible thing.
I bet a certain guy that he could not take
a certain doll away with him
on a trip to Havana.
I know this I should not have done,
although it did not do no harm because...
Well, I won the bet.
- You won the bet?
- Sure.
The guy told me
he did not take the doll away.
And for this I feel much better.
Gentlemen, we will now sing number 244
in your songbook - "Follow the Fold".
You will find it on page 27.
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more, stray no more
Put down the bottle
and we'll say no more
Follow, follow the fold
Brothers and sisters, as you know,
traffic is heavy this time of night,
so our ceremony will be brief.
Do you, Sarah Brown, take Sky Masterson
to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Sky Masterson, take Sarah Brown
to be your lawful wedded wife?
I do.
Do you, Adelaide, take Nathan Detroit
to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Nathan Detroit, take Miss
Adelaide to be your lawful wedded wife?
- He does.
- He's gotta say it.
I do.
Then, under the authority granted me by
the state, county and city of New York,
I hereby pronounce you men and wives.
When you see a guy
reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that
he's doin' it for some doll
When you spot a John
waiting out in the rain
Chances are he's insane
as only a John can be for a Jane
When you meet a gent
paying all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal
Call it sad, call it funny
But it's better than even money
That the guy's only doing it
For some doll