Coming!
I'm coming as fast
as I can!
Hey, 'sup, man?
What's up, dude?
Sorry, I'm late.
No problem.
So, uh,
I'll go get my suit.
Did you bring
the spare board?
Oh, bro, no I didn't.
I for got it,
but you know what-
I got something else
you can ride.
Oh, dude,
I got you all wet.
Maybe we should get you
out of those clothes, bro.
Dude... I got a girlfriend.
She know you mess
around with dudes?
Or are you just
some big closet case?
Or maybe you're confused.
Or maybe...
you like playing confused.
I, I don't know, I...
I, I don'tknow
what I am.
You're so sexy
when you stammer.
You're good.
Yeah, I play confused,
but don't get me wrong...
I'm straight...
Mostly.
Now, rip open my shirt.
Sir, yes sir.
Strip.
Amateur.
Less teeth, more tongue.
This is how you do it.
That feels so good.
God, I love your tits!
Stop calling them tits!
I could eatyourtits all day.
Stop callingthem tits.
I love your tits.
Stop calling them tits!
Sorry, I love your breasts!
Iwannafuckyour breasts!
Shane... Sweetie.
Are you havingthat
gayfantasyagain?
Honey... it's not you, it's...
Well, it's you.
What's wrong iflwant
to see alittle boyon boy
in the bedroom?
Nothing, I guess -
ifyou'rea gayman.
I'mcloseenough.
But you can't expect me
to go gayeverytime
you wanna have sex.
I don'twantyou to begay-
Just gay-er.
So youwantme to get it on with
another guyin front ofyou?
Well, in front of,
on top of, yeah.
Gwen, I'mnot gay.
I'mnot bi.
I'maheterosexual breeder.
And ifyou can't acceptthat,
then weprobably
shouldn'tbe dating.
Howcan you beso homophobic?
You'reridiculous!
Don't even think
you're breaking up with me!
I'm breaking up with you.
Huh?
I'vesatin millions ofbedrooms
and listenedto millions ofboys
tell methey're leaving
meforthepole.
I'mnot gonna sithereand have
oneleaveme for pussy.
What?
I'm leaving you, Shane!
Go not suck all
thedickyou want!
Yeah?
Andyou keep letting that
prideparademarch right on
through your crotch!
Gaybasher!
Tits! Tits! Tits! Tits! Tits!
Stop thespread offaggotry!
Stop the spread offaggotry.
Fag!
Iwish!
Itoldyou this was
gonnahappen!
I know, Kyle!
That's allyou said
from daytwo!
"You're too hot, Marc!
You'regonnaleaveme. "
And look howrightlwas.
Youweren'tright, Kyle.
Your puppydog eyes and goofy
charm turned meon.
Butyouwouldn'tbelieveit.
Howcould I believe itwhen
youflirtwith everyone?
I don'tflirtwith everyone;
Ijustlikemakingfriends.
Didyou haveto
befriend everymember
ofthe gymnastics team
and Alpha GammaTestes?
God, it's like you're
onlyhappywhen youthink
you can'thaveme.
Iwouldn'tbe jealous ifyou
went outand made
some hotfriends.
See!
I'mtoo boring for you!
You want aboyfriend
who's all social and hangs out
with confident, sophisticated
gods like... him.
Hey, Sebastian.
Who'sthis?
Who areyou?
He's here
for emotional support.
I'msupposedto be
your emotional support!
You'retoo emotional.
Fags.
So what, it's been about...
five days since you
last jerked off?
Wow! You'regood.
Thanks, Eric.
Thatwasfun.
Thankyou, Teri.
It's Tiffani.
And I thinkthis is yours!
Have fun fucking his puppy
dog eyes and goofycharm.
I hope somedayyou can
see past everything you don't
likeaboutyourself and realize
wehad something special.
Wow, thatwas HallMarky, Marc -
even for you.
Stop the spread offaggotry.
Stop the spread offaggotry.
Okay, just becausewe used
to datethesameloser
doesn't mean wehaveto be
all cuntyto each other.
You'reright.
Truce?
I'm s...
What's wrong?
I don't wanna
bea slutanymore.
Iwant aboyfriend!
Ijust reallywish
Caleb was still here.
Isthattheheterosexualyou
weretryingto sleep with?
No... Well, yes, he was my
roommatewho I used to want.
Your roommatedumped you?
No, myboyfriend dumped me.
Myroommateisn'there
to help methrough this.
So is your roommate thegay
oneorthestraight one?
You'renotlisteningto me.
Myboyfriend's gay!
And notjustthat-
he'sthehottest gay
Iwill ever make itwith!
Honey, you'regonnamakeit
with plenty ofhotties.
It's not even that.
He's gonnafind anew
boyfriendfirst
and I'mgonnabe alone.
Youwon'tbe alone.
Thereareplenty
ofrainbowfish in thesea.
Ha, ha.
Plentyof cocks
in thehenhouse.
Mom!
Plentyoffreshmen ass
in thelocker room.
Eww! Mom!
Kyle, I amreallytrying here.
I know, Mom.
Thanks.
Do you knowwhatit's
like to bea gayman
trapped in a woman's body?
MyGod, you haveno idea.
Well, there's likefive
gaymen trapped insideofme.
And they'reall greasyand
having sexwith each other,
just trying to...
fucktheir wayout.
Send mean X-ray.
Whyareyou being
all FionaApple?
I brokeup with Shane.
He's single?
Hands off, cockmonger.
I'mkidding.
Whatis with straight guys and
their aversion to sucking dick?
Ijust got dumped.
Whatis with gay guys wanting
to suck everyone's dick?
Yeah, I heard.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks.
Sorryyou're apsychopath.
I saythis with mytrademark
sweetness, butyou do knowthat
Marc was thebestthing
thatwill ever
happen to you?
Hey, I'ma catch!
Says who?
Your mom?
Other peopledo, too!
Ijust... Iwantto hear,
"I loveyou,"
instead of"Take it,
you tightlittlesnatch. "
Hi, Mr. Thompson.
Tiffani -oh, I loveyour
pastel paisleyhalter
with thechiffon
inlet overlay.
Mywife has one
justlikeit.
Okay, class -fingertips!
I don't knowhowmanyof you are
sickto death of still life,
but ifl seeanotherfruit,
I'mgonnahavea hissy!
Ithink it's time
we trysomething
alittlemore... dangerous.
Class, meetTroy.
Ta da!
Troy's gonna model
for ustoday... nude.
Troyis a veterinarymajor
who has just moved here, fresh,
from alittle town
in Illinois known as...
oh, Troy.
Troy, from Troy.
Myparents didn'twantme
to forgetwherel wasfrom.
Howrustic!
He's gotan accent.
Helooks likehe's spent
his lifebailing hay
and... milkingthings.
Helooks likesex.
Well, um, Troy...
fromlllinois -
whenever youfeel inspired.
I uh...
So, wheredo you want me?
On myface.
Right hereon my desk
andwe'll getyou
in several differentpositions.
Missionary,
ReverseCowgirl, 69...
Chalksto paper!
Oops!
Dropped it!
Guess I'll haveto...
No, letme!
I don't wantyouto...
ruin anybody's artbymoving.
Hi.
Niceto meetyou.
Samehere.
I'mjust gonna...
Iwannahit thatharder
than Ike hitTina.
Iwannabe wrapped in
his armsforever and ever.
Iwanna seehim getit on
with his boyfriend.
Youthinkhe's gay?
Does Whitneywant crack?
Heythere!
I didn'trecognize you
withoutyour penis!
I hadto leave itthere -
school propertyand all.
I'mGwen.
Thegirlwith thebig
boobs is Tiffani,
andtheguy
with the small...
I'm Kyle.
Troy.
From Troy...
Illinois.
Ooh, arethoseyour drawings?
Yeah.
This is mine.
That's Kyle's...
and... Tiffani's.
I'venever drawn onebefore
so Ifigured I'dfocus on it.
You're very generous.
I'ma giver.
This one's incredible.
Thanks.
You just... spoketo me.
Areyou an artmajor?
No.
She's undeclared, which is
practicallythe same thing.
Well, you should be.
How'd you getinto
nudemodeling?
Well, I grewup
in thecountry.
No one's around so I'd
just go naked alot.
Then I boughta webcam.
I'mso Googling you.
When I moved hereandfound
outl could getpaid
to hang outnaked,
Iwas like, sign me up!
Next stop: porn!
Howmuch doesthat
ass ofyours bring in?
Fiftybucks a class.
Porn pays waybetter.
Well, I'd bejustas
likelyto do it
for a caseofbeer,
or weed.
Noted.
When didyou move here?
Acoupleweeks ago.
All byyour lonesome?
Yeah.
I'll betitwas great
to startall over -
whereno oneknows your
name andyou can do
anything youwant
with whomever you want.
Yeah, I guess.
Kindamiss mymom.
So, you'recloseto your mom?
I miss both my parents,
butthere's something
abouta mom, you know?
Aboyneeds none other
than thelove ofhis mother.
Uh, yeah.
We were gonna grab somecoffee.
Wanna come?
I gotta gethome.
Butthanksfor theoffer.
Maybesomeothertime?
Someonewaiting
for you athome?
Myroommate.
He's secretlyin lovewith me.
Seeyou in class.
Keep up the good work.
Keep up thegood... penis!
Itotallythoughthe was a
'mo until hemadethatlame,
straight guyjoke.
He's an enigmafucking a riddle
fucking amystery.
I lovebeing single.
Stop the spread offaggotry.
But spreading
is myfavoritething.
I'll beprayingfor you.
Hold thatpose!
Would you boys
do mea favor?
Sitthere
for aminute... or 20
But Iwant him
out of herein five.
What's her story?
I usedto flirtwith this one,
butwe never did anything
because Iwasn'tavailable.
So we'regonna
make up for losttime.
Man whore!
Luckybastard.
Seethat guy overthere?
Thestudlyrack of meat
or your loser ex-boyfriend?
Themeatrack.
Marc pre-cheatedwith him -
andwith a coupleof
other guys, too.
Pre-cheated?
It's thisthing
that gays do.
Themomenttherelationship
starts getting alittlerocky,
theystartlining up
replacement sex partners.
Thesecondthey're
singleit's,
"Heyremember me?
Youwant somehead?"
Your boyfriend'sfar
too creampuffto cheat.
I didn't sayhe cheated.
Hepre-cheated.
God, you'reparanoid.
I knowhowhis mind works.
Iflwerehot enough
I'd do thesamething.
I guess it's over.
Lookwhatlfound!
Hey!
- Troy!
- Nudeguy!
So, Troy, thethreeof us
arefalling behind
in art class
andwe were wondering...
Do you havea preference?
See, itworks.
Nowtake off
your clothes, damn it!
This is kindaweird.
No, we'rejust gonna draw.
Really.
So, didyou leave someone
special back home?
Nope.
That's probably good.
Yep.
I'vealways wondered
whatit would belike
to live on a farm.
I mean,
what didyou do for fun?
Mostlywe'd drive
aroundthestrip on weekends,
or throwparties
in somefield.
I always likedtheidea ofbeing
out among allthenature.
Gettingfucked in arainstorm,
or gettingfucked on atractor,
or getting...
Well, I can't say
I did allthat.
Well, where did
you getfucked?
I dunno.
In the regular places -
a bed, in mycar.
In the ass?
Excuseme?
Oops!
I mean, boys or girls?
I'm sorry-ifyou don't
wannatalk aboutthis...
No, it's okay, I guess.
Girls... mostly.
What?
Doesthat freak you out?
No, honey.
I'mwhattheycall a"fag hag. "
So you aregaythen!
I am...
I'm not gay.
It's just...
Well, all kinds ofpeople
hit on meand Ijust kinda
go alongwith it.
Whatthehell
does thatmean?
I likeit.
I mean, we'rejustpeople-
justbodies
with organic needs...
So, didyou ever
havea girlfriend?
Sort of.
Whataboutboyfriends?
I had this reallyclose
friend in high school.
Butl never donemuch with a
guybecausel wanna getmarried
and havekids.
Notthat gay guys can't,
'cause theycan, it's just...
I dunno.
Being gay, it seems
likeso much work.
Amen, sister.
I mean, firstyou have
to tell everyone.
That's no fun.
- Andthen there's rejection.
- You'renever hot enough.
- STDs.
- Ifyou're lucky.
There'sthis group, Coming In.
I kindawanna go check 'em out,
'causelthink
theymightfixme.
The anti-gays?
Ex-gays.
Justlikeyou, Kyle.
Right?
- What?
- What?
Kyleusedto begay.
Youtwo should hang out,
getto know each other,
swap... stories.
You're an ex-gay?
Well...
You'relikemyidol!
Itotallyjust wantto get
insideyou
and learn everything.
Uhh...
Oh my God...
You two aretogether, right?
Yes!
We'reboyfriend and girlfriend!
I knewit!
You'realwaystogether,
but Iwasn't sure.
Itmust'vebeen thefact
that I act so faggy?
Andyou're really
straightnow?
As a cucumber.
God, no wonder Ifelt so
comfortablewith youtwo!
Howlong have you been together?
Afewmonths.
And it'strue love, isn't it,
mylittlesexmonkey?
Ahh!
And you'recomfortable
thatheused to...
Smokesausage?
We'veall got
skeletons in our closets.
His arejust
more well hung.
And how'sthat
goingfor you?
Howdo you think
it's goingfor him?
Look atme, I'mperfect!
Yeah.
She's awesome.
Heespeciallyloves mytitties.
Breasts.
So whatare the
meetings like?
Well, uh, I've never been
to this chapter.
Oh, myGod, would you do me
the biggestfavor?
Of coursel'd do you...
You have to takeme
to oneofthesemeetings.
There's one tomorrow.
You could bemysponsor,
or whatever.
Do it, honey.
It might do you somegood
to renewyour vows
to heterosexuality.
Notthathe doesn't
ride meeverynight.
Okay.
It's a date!
I'll be right back.
I have to go usethe head.
Whatthe helljusthappened?
Wejust got you laid
byTroyfromlllinois!
You mademean ex-gay!
Thoseare myleast
favorite kind of gays!
Growsomenuts.
Do you thinkhewould havebeen
remotelyinterested ifyou were
justanother gay guy?
Listen to me.
I don'thavea chance
in this godforsaken world
of ever wrapping mylips
around hisfortyacres
and amule-
Butyou do.
So, you'resaying he'll
letmehavesex with him
becausel'mnot gay?
You heard him.
You'll behis new
"closefriend. "
Since you'restraight,
you'll getto
hang outwith him.
You'll supporthimin those
straight emo bondingways
until eventuallyall his
repressed passion explodes.
Right down yourthroat.
This is sick!
You'reboth sick!
Youthinkit couldwork?
Damn!
Hey!
No way.
I'mso nervous.
It's okay.
You'll befine.
Whatareyou doing?
Straight malebonding,
step one.
Hi.
Hi.
I'mOctavio...
Octavio!
Introductions lead
to conversations
leadto invitations
ofintercourse
with thewrong persuasion.
I'll do theintroducing.
Whatthehell
do you want?
Wewantto join.
I findthathardto believe.
Maybeweshouldn't...
God believes me.
Well, I did prayfor you.
I know.
Spooky.
I'mJacob Buchanan,
Coming In president.
This is Derek,
Allan, Roy, and...
Violet.
Violet.
I'm Kyle.
- And...
- Troy.
Hi, Troy.
Hello, Kyle.
You do knowwhat we're
all abouthere, right?
At Coming In?
Well, yeah, buthe doesn't
need to be here.
He's a success story.
Kyle's renouncing his sexuality?
What's going on?
Areyou sitting down?
Now, who'd liketo speakfirst?
Okay, Iwill.
I havegreatnewsthatwill
changeall of our lives.
I'vebeen askedto present
thenewad campaign
for Coming In National.
Theboard of directors,
including mymom,
is gonnabehere nextweek, and
iftheylike mypresentation,
which theywill, you'll seemy
posters in high schools
and college campuses
acrossthenation.
"Homo No More.
Stop theSpread of Faggotry!"
Nowl needyou
to repeatthis slogan
to everystudent across campus.
"Homo No More" is gonna become
anational catch phrase.
Like"Can you hear menow?"
Yes, onlymoreclever.
So let's haveatestimonial.
Who wants to start?
I sucked a dick.
Shutup, areyou serious?
Likea fox.
That'sfabulous.
What was it like?
Details.
Tell us howitmade
youfeel, Violet.
Well, I gotreallytrashed
atthe Up With Jesus kegger,
andthis skinny guywith dyed-
blackhair and lipstick
asked iflwanted to do oneof
thoseupsidedown keg shooters.
They started playing
"MyChemical Romance,"
so Itook thatas
a sign, downed halfthe keg,
and beforel knewit, we'rein
the back ofhis mom's Saab,
I'mchoking on his dick,
mymakeup's smearing
and I'm about to puke.
Itwas great.
Iwatched porn...
straightporn.
And I made sure itwas Ron
Jeremyso Iwouldn't focus on...
Yeah.
And itwas hot.
Good, good.
Allan?
How arethings goingwith...
was her name Leslie?
Ithink so, yeah.
Wewent on a date.
Andwhathappened
on this date?
Wewentto this cute
littleltalian restaurant,
servicewas great...
No, I meantphysically.
Well... after dinner
wewentback to her dorm.
Wereyou nervous?
Oh, yeah.
Turned on?
I'm trusting at somepoint
you gotturned on, right?
Oh, yeah... yeah.
Totally... turned on.
Rockhard.
Tell meaboutthat.
Let's see.
Wesat on her bed
and sheshowed methis photo
albumof thisJapanese
internment camp she'd visited,
andwewere balancing
thebook on our legs.
And her knee grazed myknee,
andthatkind of gotmegoing.
Andthen?
Then?
Shejumped on top ofme.
Really!
And I lether
kiss meand stuff.
Good, good!
Did she go for second base?
Run her hands up
and down your smooth chest
underneath your shirt?
Alittle.
That might not count.
Whydon'tyou showme?
Likethis, I guess.
Butneverthenipples?
No.
On this "date,"
did youthink aboutmen?
No.
Never?
Whataboutyour
locker room fantasy?
Thrustingjock straps?
Towels snapping
atyour ass?
I never said
anything about towels.
Well, nextweek's assignment-
and I'mholding youto this -
isthird base.
Butwhataboutthe girl?
Leslie?
Yeah, Leslie.
Shouldn'tl respecther
and stuff?
Don'tworry.
She's not gonna get pregnant.
All I'maskingfor is
onefinger in her bush.
So, I'mfascinatedto hear
your guys'stories.
I'm notreadyto talkyet...
but Kyle here's
got ahot girlfriend.
They can'tkeep their
hands off each other.
You havea girlfriend?
Mm-hm.
Andyou usedto be gay?
Yeah.
Well, why don'tyou
tell us, Kyle?
Whatbrought about
this amazing change?
Ummm... my story...
Just speakfromthe heart -
likeJesus would.
Well... I was
prettymuch born gay.
Momsaid myfirst
sentencewas,
"Getthoseboobs
out ofmyface. "
So... anyway, I lived thegay
lifestylefor awhile.
And I dated a lot of guys...
Alot of guys.
Just... mens and mens
and mens.
I mean, theywere
calling meallthetime!
"Kyle, pleasehavesexwith me.
Please!"
Iwas so popular...
Butthen itbegan
to takeits toll.
See, you realized thegays,
they'renotinterested
in gettingto knowyou.
No, as soon as you
put out, theyvanish.
Andthen theynever call
you backwhen theysay
they'regonna callyou back
becausethey're out
with somestudwhen theysay
theyshould bein class!
I wouldn't saythat.
Wellthen what exactly
wouldyou say, Kyle?
Whatbrought about
this amazingtransformation?
Well, I gotfed up...
with themen andthesex
andthe fun and music
andtheapplemartinis -
and just when I didn'tknow
what elseto do
an angel from heaven above
flewinto mylife.
Asexy, 52-24-48
angel namedTiffani.
Is Tiffani arhinoceros?
Size doesn'tmatter.
Whatmatters is that
Ifell in love
and I never looked back.
Butwhataboutthe sex?
Pieceof cake.
Ijust say,
"Kyle, takeeverything you love
about Reese Witherspoon
and projectit onto this girl
who wantsto bewith you. "
And nowthey can't get enough.
That's incredible.
Yeah, 'causeyou seem
really gay.
Not anymore.
I'm telling you,
there's nothing like
the smooth, wetporcelain lips
ofthe vagina spreading
and enveloping me,
squeezing againstthehead
of mydick ever so firmly.
Andthat's nothing compared
to whatit feels like
to eather outand lap up
allthose fresh juices.
Welookforwardto
seeing you both again.
Well, weboth look forward
to coming... with girls.
Little Ex-gayjoke.
Jesus and Iwill be
keeping an eyeon you.
Hey...
Stop thespread offaggotry!
Thatwasfun!
Thatwas nerve-racking.
Yeah, youweresweating
likea suicide bomber
on a summer jihad.
I loveyour... senseofhumor.
Man, you really
dig your pussy.
Yeah.
So what'reyou up to now?
I gotta go modelfor
Mr. Thompson's art class.
Hey, arewe still on
fortomorrow's game?
Goooo... local sportsteam!
This mustbethe rightplace.
Oh, hey.
Hey.
I'mMarc -
Professor Thompson's
nexttop model.
Butl usethe word
top loosely.
Wow, greatbody.
Yeah, I know.
I meantyou.
Oh, thanks.
You'resupposedto wear
it over your shoulders.
What?
Therobe.
Oh... yeah.
Didyou want someprivacy?
'Causel could comeback.
Ah, no.
I'mgonnabe naked
in front oflike15 people.
You'reeasy.
Howwouldyou know?
No, I...
Anyway, we'regonna be
naked in front of 15 people.
- Huh?
- We'reposingtogether.
- Seriously?
- You gotaproblem with that?
No.
Of coursenot.
Areyou gay?
Well, yeah.
You gotaproblem
with that?
No.
I don't havea...
I mean, you'renot straight,
areyou?
Well...
Oh myheck, who areyou?
Uh... I'mMarc, your model.
You are?
Whatabouthim?
You didn't request
two models fortoday?
I havethestudent services
req in here.
Nice.
- What?
- What?
I can't find it.
I mean, I guess ifyou don't
needtwo nudestoday,
I can leave.
Oh, no!
Yeah, yeah...
I do need both models...
nude... in fiveminutes.
I'dforgethead if
itwasn't on top ofme.
What?
Uh... I'd forget myhead
ifit wasn't on top ofme.
Mywifeis always
correcting my grammar.
You know, I'm... -
Uh... I'm married.
OK.
You guys carry on.
I'II, uh... getto class.
So what's your nameagain?
Troy.
Andyou're Marc.
With a c.
Pretty gay, huh?
Look dude, ifyou'reworried
about melooking atyour dick,
I can turn around.
But don't sweatit.
You're notmytype.
I'mnot?
No.
Shouldyou be?
No, I guess not.
I mean, you'rehot and all,
butl likeguys
who can takecharge.
Plus your hair's too dark.
And you'retoo tall.
Gee, thanks.
Just being honestwith you.
I think it's great-types.
I mean, ifweall
wantedthesamething...
mightas well be straight.
Maybenot everyone knows
whattheirtype is.
True enough.
Therewasthis one guy.
This sounds stupid,
but when I methim,
I sort of sawsomething
in his soul -
likealight.
Physicallyhe was nothing
likeany ofthe guys
I'd dated before,
butwhen I sawthat light,
I realized...
this is my type, too.
So I asked himout, eventually.
That's deep.
Fuck you.
No, I'mserious.
So whatever happened
to your soul man?
Doesn'tmatter.
Anyway, that's...
ancienthistory.
Hey, you need a
workout buddy?
Yeah.
This feels horrible.
Stop shaking your
ass so much.
No, I mean lyingto Troy.
Honey, men lie.
And you'reaman, technically.
Well, tonight you
better notforgetto...
Fuck!
Honey, I neverforgetto fuck.
No, fuck!
As in...
Kyle!
Hey, boys.
What's up?
Oh, youtwo knowMarc?
I usedto have
abig crush on Kyle.
Didn'tl?
But he's not
yourtypeatall.
So, how do youtwo
know each other?
Oh, wegotnaked
together lastnight.
What?!
Weboth model
for Mr. Thompson.
Wow, he's aregular
Gus Van Sant.
Can I talkto you
for a second?
You haven't
fucked him yet.
Hey, I don'ttreatpeople
likepieces of meat.
You should.
It'sfun.
You do knowhe's gay, right?
Oh God, I'msorry.
Isthat againsttherules?
That's theonlyfucking rule!
Keep awayfrom hot
gay guys -
unlesstheyhave
girlfriends, likeme.
Okay, well, don't...
queen outaboutit.
Besides, hetold me-
I'mnot histype.
Andyou believed him?
I bet hetold you
hesawalight
in your soul, too.
Kyle, Ithinkyour
girlfriend's getting jealous.
Please.
Shetrusts mecompletely.
We'restrongerthan ever.
In fact, wewere
justaboutto... fuck.
- Whoa!
- Really?
Yeah, I can hardly
keep myfingers off
ofhis big hard stick.
Especiallywhen he's
all sweaty
frompower-walking.
I'll bet.
Go for it.
What?
Stick your hand
in his shorts.
- Get himhard.
- Yeah!
No way!
What?
Aren'tyou straightanymore?
Of coursel'mstraight.
Butl don'tthink parading
myheterosexualityaround
in public is verypolite.
Well, howaboutyou
two justkiss?
Yeah, that'd behot.
Akiss?
And use some tongue...
unless you don'tlike
kissing your girlfriend.
I lovekissing
my girlfriend.
Proveit.
Whyshould...
Wow.
Youtwo getaroom.
Invite meover!
Kyle?!
Mom?
Kyle?!
Whatareyou doing here?!
Iwas justrunning errands.
Oh, baby, this is more
than I could ever
have hoped for!
This is wonderful!
You area girl, right?
Mom, of courseshe's a girl!
Would you stop
hugging me?
Wehadn'ttold her yet.
You don'tunderstand!
I used to catch this boy
masturbatingwith every
vegetablein thefridge-
and nowthis!
Have youtellthat awful
ex-boyfriend of yours?
I haveafeeling heknows.
I havea feeling
this isthe funniestthing
he's ever seen.
I haveafeeling thatthe
childish things he's doing
areacts ofjealousy,
and in somesmallway,
it's kind ofnice to know
hecaresfor a change.
Who gives a shitabouthim?
I'mgonnabea grandma!
This is war!
Marc's gonnaruetheday
hemessedwith me!
Wow, you almost
seemlikeatop.
Marc thinks hecan get
whatever hewants just
bytaking his shirt off.
Maybesomeguys don't
wantahot, muscular stud who's
confident with his sexuality.
Maybesomepeoplethink
it's charming enough
to pretendthat
you're sexuallyconflicted -
Somepeoplelike...
Octavio.
Octo-what?
Oh, hi, Yummy.
I'mTiffani.
Therhinoceros?
Excuseme?
Tiffani, this is Octavio,
fromthat group
Iwas telling you about.
Rhinoceros?
I'll callyoutonight.
Good luck not
fucking each other.
So, Octavio.
Octavio.
Octavio.
It's like you'resaying
a'V' and 'B'
atthe same time-
"Octavio. "
B and B?
V and B.
So, whatare you doing here?
Your girlfriend's sexy.
Thanks.
Nothing like I expected.
Whatareyou saying, I'mnot
good enough for her?
No, Ijust...
didn't believeyou.
Something aboutyou screamed
single... and lonely.
As you can see,
I'mclearlynot...
And horny.
Horny?
- You're hitting on me.
- Yes, I am.
Whatabout Homo No More?
Ithoughtthey
straightenedyou out.
When I sawyou atthe meeting,
I sort offell offmywagon.
You didn'thave
thatfar to fall...
Shutup.
I musthaveyou.
I haveafeelingthis
is against therules.
It's okay.
Thebossy guy-Jacob -
hebreaksthe rules
allthe time.
Wait!
Jacob's gay?
Of course.
Onetime hefollowed me
into the bathroomat school
and startedtapping his toe
underneath thestall...
Enough abouthim.
Your lipstaste
likecherry.
It's my girlfriend's
lip gloss.
Oh, Octavio.
Octavio.
Well, I'm this way.
Thanks forthejog.
Hey, youwanna
comeovertonight?
No, I can't.
I'mgonnawatch thegame
with Kyle andTiffani.
Oh.
Well, you guys havefun.
Hey, you wanna jog
again tomorrow?
Maybelateafternoon?
Wecould hang outafterwards.
That'd begreat.
Cool.
That's howwe gays do it.
Wasn'tthatawesome?
Yeah.
Kyle made his momso happy.
What couldthey possibly
havein common?
Besides wanting to be straight?
Well, theyboth havedicks
thathaven'tbeen suckedtoday.
Thanks, Gwen.
You havenothing
to worry about.
Kyle's non-threatening.
He's like... soymilk.
Or something you usewhen
you run out of normal milk.
And you'recream.
Gaycream.
Ew.
Hold still.
What's up with
allthedrawing?
I don'tknow.
I likeit.
I'mkinda good atit.
Sincewhen?
Since now.
Ithinklfound mycalling.
I barelythink
about sex anymore.
Ijustwanna... drawit.
That's so notlike you.
Well, you being alljealous
isn'tlike you, either.
Look, it's simple.
Troyis a blank canvas.
No, he's a sketch.
He's gotallthese
lameideas aboutwhat
being gayis like,
butheneeds youto come in
and provide thehornydetails.
Ha, ha.
And before you knowit...
fine art.
Fuckin'shit!
Fuckin'shit!
Comeon, muthafuckas,
we can win this!
Kyle, we're48 points behind
with lessthan aminute to go.
Oh.
Thatwas actually
fun though.
I mean, it sucks
thatwe lost.
Aw, you'll get over it.
So, uh, howwas your day?
Strange.
Butyou knowthere's
something Iwantedto
talkto you about-
something I didn't share
with the group yesterday.
I didn't exactly go cold salami
when I decided to turn straight.
Therewerea fewslip-ups.
Whileyou were with Tiffani?
Yeah, and she's great
becausesheunderstands
howpent-up feelings
can just explode
ifyou don't do
anything about'em.
So, it's okayif one
of us makes a mistake
everyoncein awhile.
We'veeven talked
about thepossibly of...
playing... together.
What, likea three-way?
Yeah.
I had athree-wayonce.
What?
Yeah, with two girls.
Oh, I guess that counts.
Barely.
We were in this empty
farmhouseoutsideoftown.
Itwas going great.
Theyhad me in the middle
andwe werekissing.
And then theypulled
their panties down
and pushed medowntown.
And that's when things
started to fall apart.
So, you didn'tlikeit?
Well, itwasn't doing
thatmuch for me.
Doesthatmakeme gay?
Lots of straight guys
don'tlikeeating pussy.
They complain about
itallthetime.
Whathappened next?
Well, thesituation
gotworse.
I couldn't...
findtheir clits.
You couldn't?
Or G-spots or whatever.
Iwas down thereforever.
It was embarrassing.
Theylaughed at me.
Oneofthemeven
called methe Susan Lucci
oftonguefucking -
seventeen attempts
and no clit.
I knowwhereit's at.
You do?
Yeah.
Couldyou showme?
Showyou?
Howdo you find it
on Tiffani?
Howam I supposed
to showyouthat?
I dunno.
Useyour fingers.
How'boutl useyours?
You know, so you can
feel whatl'mdoing.
This is stupid.
Nah, come on.
It'll befun.
I'll showyou
mywholeroutine.
First, you gotta start
with just somelittleteases.
Breatheon it.
Makeher squirm.
Andthen you just...
Which is usuallynot
thereaction thatl get.
No, it's good.
It's good.
In themiddleof all
of this, of course,
isthelovebutton.
Butmost girls go nuts
if you just... diveon in.
That's good.
That's really good.
Sorryl missed
thegame, guys...
Whatthehell?
Iwas just showing Troy
sometips on theart
of cunnilingus.
Notthatl needthem.
Well, even Melissa Etheridge
could learn athing
ortwo from Kyle.
I gotta get going.
Stay.
There's plentyto eat.
Yeah, you don'thaveto go.
I gotta call itanight.
Thanksfor the...
time, Kyle.
Did you seethat?
One more session like that
and he's gonna explode.
As long as hedoesn't
explodewith Marc first.
Iwin!
Whoa!
What?
So when didyou firstknow
for sureyouweregay?
Justnow.
No.
I had mysuspicions
when I was, like, 12 or 13,
butl didn'tknowfor sure
until a couple years later-
when Iwent down
on myfirst guy.
And it'sthebest thing
that's ever happenedto me.
What?
Being gay?
Yeah.
Imaginethatyou think
you'regonnalive
your lifeoneway-
geta job, getmarried,
geta 3-bedroomhouse.
And then you discover
this... thing aboutyourself
that opens up amillion
new options asto howyou
can liveyour life.
Suddenly you don'thave
those milestones that straight
peoplehaveto compare
each other against.
You can choose
your own adventure.
I loved those books.
Me, too.
Butaren't youworried
you'll end up all alone
and nothave any
of those things?
Doesn't everyone?
Gayor straight?
Sprintyou home!
And just so you know,
Kyle's mom's reaction
to himbeing straight
wasn'tawesome.
Huh?
Well, you said itlike
you were happyforthem,
like that'stheway
it should be.
Myparents aretotallycool
with mebeing gay.
Yeah, butareyour parents
reallyokaywith it?
I'll bet Kyle's momgrew
to beokaywith it,
butyou sawhow
happyshe was.
That's whatparents
reallywantfortheir kids.
Ifyou ask, mostparents
will saytheyjust want
their kidsto behappy.
Maybemymom would
behappier ifl putmydick
somewhere else, butyou've
seen thoseex-gays.
Isthathappy?
Ifyour parents loveyou
and theythinkyou're happy,
they'll adjust.
I don'tthink myparents
would adjust to me being gay.
They shouldn't have
anythingto do with it.
You haveto be who you are.
It'stheonlywayyou can
livewith yourself.
And It'stheonlyway
I can liveatall.
Didyouwannatakea shower?
Talk about getting my
creative juices flowing.
I didn'tknowyou were here.
Wait.
Keep 'emdown.
Would you boys
letme drawyou?
What? Together?
No, right where you are,
rightnow.
I'll call it... "Proposition. "
What do you think?
I don't know...
It's this or renting amovie.
Choose your own adventure.
When Iwalked in on thetwo
of you, Iwas like,
"Fuckthis drawing one
person atatimeshit!
If I can capturethetension
between thesetwo...
Therewas tension?
Honey, itwas moretensethan
Star Jones in atraining bra.
Nowmakethatlookyou had:
surprised, alittle turned on,
kinda scared.
No... I dunno,
stareatMarc's crotch
and imaginewhathe could
do to youwith that.
Trust me,
hecan do a lot.
Perfect.
So... youtwo dated?
Gwen was mylast girlfriend.
And Marc was myfirst.
After him, all I ever
wantedto datewerefags.
I'vegot an idea.
This couldtake forever,
and I see thepotential
for something...
moreinteresting.
Could I do a series
with you guys?
Almostlike a storythat
starts with this scene
and goesfromthere?
What do you think?
I don't know...
Ifl said posewith awoman,
you'd totally do it.
It's not likewe'd even have
timeto pose for a series...
I'lltakephotos
and usethemto drawfrom.
C'mon, wecan bedone
in minutes depending
howwellyoutwo... connect.
Yeah, butifTroy
feels uncomfortable...
No.
I'll do it.
Perfect.
I'll getmycamera.
You sure?
Yeah.
Chooseyour own adventure.
Okay, Troy,
sitback down.
Marc,
offwith thepants.
Perfect.
Okay, Troy,
stand backup with Marc.
I wantyouto do that same
character youweredoing,
like, he's a virgin and
hewants itbuthe's confused.
Can you do that?
Yeah.
So Marc, honey, whydon't
you get down on oneknee,
and putyour hands underneath...
yeah, likethat.
Actually, raisetheshirt
a little.
And liftyour head so you're
looking into his eyes.
Looklike you're
in themoment
andyou wantit.
Marc, Iwantyou
to stand andtakeTroy's...
yeah, that.
Now, Troy, theremoval
oftheshirtis oneof
thehottest moments -
when you knowsoon you'll
beskin on skin,
chest on chest,
lips on lips.
Marc, toss theshirtaside.
Marc, lick one
ofTroy's nipples.
Don'tworry.
It'll feel good.
Yeah... I know.
Troy, run your lefthand
through Marc's hair.
Marc, hold itrightthere.
Troy, pull Marc in.
Yeah.
Marc, lickhis chest
up to his neck.
Howyou feeling, Troy?
Really... really good.
Then throwyour head back...
Sorry!
It's perfect.
Stayrightthere!
Marc, makelike you're
kissing your waydown.
How'boutl do this?
This is hot, right?
God, yeah.
You'reanatural, Troy.
Close your eyes.
Marc, move down
between his legs
and kiss his stomach.
Marc, getup so you're
on top ofhim,
faceto face.
You can open your eyes
ifyouwant.
Holdthatpose -
like you'reaboutto kiss.
Oneof those firstkisses,
whereit takes forever
beforeyou meet.
Moving closer...
and closer.
Shit!
What?
Mycard's full.
Heylook, Iwanna
keep this going.
You'refine
with that, right?
Uh-huh.
I'Iljust go
upload 'emin myroom.
It'll take15 minutes.
Holdthatpose.
I'll bein myroom-
with thedoor closed.
I don'tthinkl can stay
likethisfor 15 minutes.
Meneither.
I knowl'm notyourtype...
And I'mnot a girl,
butwe'll improvise.
Oh, that feels so good.
Oh, man, oh, man.
I'mgonna...
I'mgonna...
Wow, thatwas... fast.
I'm sorry.
It's been awhile.
Plus, I haven't gotten
itlikethatbefore.
Likethat,
meaningwith a guy
or meaning itwas
that good?
Here, letme
getyou a towel...
No, wait.
Myturn.
Ohhh... Mmm...
Troy... teeth!
Teeth!
Sorry!
It's okay...
Ohh... yeah.
Ahh...
Aml not doing it right?
No, youwerefine.
Ijust...
Ijust can't...
Fuck!
Whyam I so bad
at giving oral sex?
Youweredoing great!
Ijust... I'msorry.
Is itbecause I'mnotyourtype?
Troy... you'rehot.
Trust me.
Or, no... don'ttrustme.
Can youwait one minute?
Theseare hot!
I can't do it.
Butit's going
exactlyhowyouwanted.
Ijust can't do it.
If Kylewantsto pretend
to bestraightjustto have
sexwith Troy,
that's his prerogative.
Butljust can't
do this anymore.
Well, can weatleast
finish the photo shoot?
Oh, great.
He's probablyfreaking out
about making itwith a guy.
He's probablylooking
for someone who won't
cock-tease him.
I knowwhere he's going.
Ifucked up.
Whatis it?
I had sex with a guy.
Was it Marc?
Oh, myGod,
that's horrible!
I know.
Itwas.
- Itwas?
- Itwas?
Ifelt so guilty, because...
all I could do was
think aboutyou, Kyle.
Really?
Yeah.
Howl letyou down.
And howl let
thegroup down.
And howmore than anything
Iwanted to be with a woman.
Or with aman and awoman.
I don't know...
it's all so confusing.
And then Ithought
of youtwo.
Andwhat good friends
you've been to me.
And howhonest
and open you've been
aboutyour struggles, Kyle.
And abouthowyoutwo
have an arrangement.
Wait, wait
Is thistoo weird?
It's nottoo weird.
Showme.
- Huh?
- Showmeyour routine.
Oh, it's...
gonna go thatfar?
Three-ways usuallydo.
Iwantyou...
to teach me... please?
Whydon't I do a little
mouth magic on you first?
That'll getme all nice
and rolling out
thewelcome mat
down there.
No.
Youtwo first.
That'll getme readyfor
whatyou'regonna do to me.
Butyou don't
want sloppyseconds.
Company should go first.
Blah!
Blah!
Thatis so hot.
Kyle, eat meoutalready!
Theboywants to
see howit's done!
Pleasedon'tmakeme!
Oh, yes... oh, yes.
That's it...
You can do it.
Makemama proud.
Oh my God.
It's like thelittle
homo that could.
You wanna trynow?
Please?
Troy?
Whereareyou going?
Well, that certainlydidn't
tastelikesugar and spice.
Troy!
What's going on?
It's mypussy.
Mypussyscared him away!
You littleex-gaysluts!
Oh... my... God.
Can wecomein, or were you
in the middle of dinner?
Whatareyou doing here?
We'renot eating pussy.
Whatare thethree
ofyou doing?
Well, Kylewas showing Troy
theart of cunnilingus.
And hewas doing
an admirablejob.
Yeah, for a gay guy.
Yeah, I know-
everything.
You guys will do
anythingto getlaid.
I atepussyfor nothing?
You deserved it!
Hey!
Itwasn'tthatbad!
I'msorry.
I'mhorrible.
We'reall horrible.
Ifit's anyconsolation,
itwasn'tjustaboutthe sex.
Wereallylikedyou.
Working out with you.
Watchingthe game.
Drawing you.
It doesn'tmatter now.
Likehe's gonnawantto have
anything to do with us.
Thefucked up thing is,
even though you lied to me,
andto each other,
andto people you don't
even know...
I likeyou... liars.
Welikeyou, too.
Yeah, you'reso cool.
And I'm sorry.
I knowl kind ofledyou all
on with mywhole
confusedthing.
Yeah, so c'mon.
You've sucked dick
and eaten pussy.
Which is it?
That's what's been tripping
meup allthese years.
I thoughtithad
to beoneortheother.
Butafter sampling both,
I've come to a conclusion.
I'm... bisexual.
There's no such thing!
Says who?
The laws ofnature!
It's likehorses
fucking gerbils!
Well, then I'ma
freak of nature.
And I'mproud ofit.
Good!
Be proud, bi-boy!
Iwish you'd been proud
when wemet.
But I guessthat's hard
when peoplelikeyou
andJacob Buchanan tell him
howbad itis to begay.
Yeah.
I'msorry.
I should've helped you instead
oftryingto takeadvantage
of you not
knowing whatyouwere.
So... what do we do now?
We'regonna stop
peoplelike me.
No oneshouldtakeadvantage
of confused queer kids.
Andthesooner we help them
seepastwhatthey don'tlike
in themselves so they can
see thegreatthings
rightin
front of them...
thebetter.
He's ahomo who fucks
things up for other homos.
I don'tknowif...
Octavio, if people like
himweren't around,
everyonewould comeout!
You would getlaid like that!
Itakeyour point.
I'll do it.
Andthen we make love.
Stop thespread offaggotry!
Wakeup and smell
the patchouli!
You'rea dyke!
Help!
I'm being recruited!
Convincemeyou
didn'tlikethat.
Do your best.
Look... I'mnot gonna embrace
who I am justbecause
it's obvious, okay?
What?
Everyone's so cool
with being gay.
Will and Grace this,
ClayAiken that.
Well, I'mnot gonna
belabelled.
You'renot convincing me.
Okay, I'mgay.
Nowshutup and kiss me!
I'm not gay.
Then what do youwant?
Iwantusto make art.
Thatis so... hot.
God, you arealesbian.
Mom?
Whatareyou doing here?
What's wrong?
It's nothing.
No, what?
I'venever seen you
this upset.
Iwas atthebeauty shop,
and I was looking
through a magazine,
and I sawthattheOscars
arecoming up.
Well, Ithought,
who am I gonnawatch
the Oscars with?
Andthen that BritneyAguilera
song cameon -theoneabout
you'rebeautiful even if
you'reuglyand gay-
and Ithought,
who's gonnaplayme this
shittymusic
ortakeme out dancing
when I've had a bad day?
Mom, comeon...
No, you stop.
You'regonna get married and
havekids, for Christ's sake.
And I'mgonna visitwith
my girlfriends and allwe're
gonnatalk about
are grandchildren -
andthat
is so boring!
And Kyle, you'venever
been boring,
andthat is
becauseyou'regay.
You'rea fag, and Iwant
mylittlefaggotback.
Mom...
Heis back.
Did my vagina scareyou away?
What?
Theother night, you ran away
thesecondyou sawmyvagina.
Don'tbe crazy.
Ithinkyou have
a very sexyvagina.
Well, you sure knowhow
to charma girl.
There-this port-a-potty's
readyto roll.
I gothis precious Blackberry.
Wehavefive minutes.
Okay, nowdo whatyou gotta do
butbequick aboutit.
It shouldn'ttake more
than a coupleminutes.
Got it.
Perfect!
Nowgetyour ass to the
parking lot, pronto.
This isturning meon!
Octavio, aren't you going
to thebig presentation?
Yeah, butit's not
till oneo'clock.
It's in fiveminutes.
It's at oneo'clock.
Checkyour schedule.
Oh.
I could'vesworn itwas...
So itlooks likeyou have
some time to kill, huh?
Well, there's plentyof
workto bedone...
Oh...
Too bad.
Hi. Are you here
for Coming In?
Yes, we are.
Where'sJacob?
I'm Linda, his mother.
Mrs. Buchanan.
So niceto meetyou.
I'm Kyle, oneofJacob's
right-hand men.
He's running alittlelate,
buthe did sayto go ahead
and startwithout him.
Hmm.
Jacob's never mentionedyou.
Probablybecausehe's so
busytalking aboutall
thegirls he's dating, huh!
No!
No kissing.
Mmm, you likeit nasty.
Today, I amproudto present
thefruits ofmy son's labor.
Butmorethan that,
I'mexcited to see
theswelling of Coming In
asthehomosexualthreat
seemsto beswelling
exponentially.
Itis people
like mysonJacob,
who continueto thrust
our crusade into thespotlight.
Oh, yes, I've wantedthis
for so...
Shh.
No, Iwannabeloud.
It's dangerous!
It's hot...
Open this and shutup.
Jacob has always been
abeacon oflight.
When he came to me as ateenager
and told meofhis inner demons,
I knewwe could destroy
themwith loving support
and a strong fist.
You'regonna splitme
in two, aren'tyou?
Andwe have!
Today, Jacob dates girls -
and helikes dating girls!
Jacob provesthatifyou can
fightit, you can hide it!
And ifyou can hideit,
you can buryit!
Ah!
Whatwasthat?
Thatwas me.
Oh God, it was you.
Oh God,
itis you!
In keepingwith thethemes
you'vementioned, Linda,
we'vecommissioned local artist
GwenAnderson and Coming In
member VioletMufdaver
to portraytherevolting
and immoral acts
ofhomosexualityin anew
and compelling campaign,
which we'd like to
present to you now.
Gwen?
Members ofthe studentpress,
heterosexuals,
andthosewho wantto be,
wepresent Coming In's
newestad campaign...
"GaySex Sucks. "
Oh, baby!
This... is absolutelyrevolting!
Where isJacob?
Oh, I'm so close!
Whereis myson?
I'm goingto findJacob,
andwhen he'sthrough with you...
Oh, baby!
I'mso close!
So close!
Jacob?
I'mcoming!
Mommy?
Ugh!
Getthis off ofme!
Yep.
He's gay.
Gwen...
Iwas wondering if I could
maybemodelfor you sometime.
Me, too.
I didn'tknowouting someone
could be so much fun.
Listen, Tiffani...
I don't knowhowyoufeel
aboutthewhole
bisexualthing.
I letmyex-boyfriend's
gayroommatego down on me.
I'm aprettyopen person.
Yeah, well, you knowhow
you and Kylewerepretending
to have an arrangement?
You mean thethree-ways?
Yeah.
Howwould youfeel ifyou
reallyhad that... with me?
Becausel'd behonored
to beyour boyfriend.
No one's ever said
thatto mebefore.
You wentabove and beyond
the call of duty.
No... thatwas hot.
And nowlthinkit'stime
for you to repayme
for myservices.
Octav...
Iwon't takeno
for an answer.
No.
Well, thatwas easy!
You knowwhat, Mom?
I'm glad you caughtme!
I'mgay!
And Octavio...
Octavio
He's mylover!
Well, we'reofffor a fuck!
Seems likeeverybodyis.
Do meone favor.
- Yeah?
- Lead him to the clit.
Honey, fromthe waist down
it's all clit.
That's howl do it.
You know, theselies
I getus into reallyhave
a wayofworking out.
Perfect.
Remember how, when you and Marc
werefighting over Troy,
youtapped into some
unknown confidence
noneof us knewyou had?
Yeah?
Use it.
So... plan worked...
Everyone seems to be happy.
So, Octavio, huh?
Please.
There's nothingthere.
He's justa friend
I had sexwith once.
Looks likeyouwent out
and madesomehotfriends.
Yeah.
I gotmoresocial.
It does make you jealous.
What?
When Troyleftlastnight,
I knewwherehewas going -
thesameplace
I usedto go when I had
aprobleml
neededto talk about.
I gotjealous.
So...
Do you think you can find
itin your heartto love
somebodywho pretended
to bestraight
justto getlaid?
I don't know.
Can you lovesomeone
who flirtedwith waytoo many
guys whilehewas
your boyfriend?
Can you love someonewhose
last sexual act
involved eating pussy?
Can you lovesomeonewho...
Wait, being aflirt
was myonlyflaw, right?
I don't know.
I lost count.
You've brushed
yourteeth, right?
Does thatturn you on
as much as Ithinkit does?
Yeah.
Butthat doesn't mean I'm
not open to newexperiences.
Come here.
Better than boys?
Different.
Differentrocks.
Oh! Oh!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Did I do good?
Yes, baby.
You did good.
All right, timeforthirds!
God!
Oh, God!
I am gay.