# It doesn't matter who you are #
# I wish upon a shooting star #
# That you will be the one #
# Who comes to rescue me #
"I love you"-- the most powerful
phrase we utter as humans.
We hear it
at every stage of life,
and it always turns us
into kids again--
wild, playful and with limited
control of our bodily functions.
Love is a many splendored thing.
Love conquers all.
Love is eternal until it ends.
- He'll love it.
And that is where I come in.
Being in love is the bestest, even
better than recess. I love love.
My parents said they found love in the
back of a car and it helped create me.
Hi, Tyler. You look, like,
hotter than Zach Morris today.
I made you this.
Wow, Britney. Thanks.
I'm dumping you.
Heard you got cooties.
Britney has cooties!
Britney has cooties!
Britney has cooties!
Nuh-uh. I was gonna dump him anyways.
Britney has cooties!
Britney has cooties!
Britney has cooties!
Britney has cooties!
Um, sorry.
It's really catchy.
Love blows!
Love... blows.
You're a great person, but this
relationship just isn't working out.
It's time to move on...
for you,
for me, for us.
Sweetie, don't cry. This isn't good-bye.
Okay? It's hello--
hello to a new friendship.
Wait. Who are you again?
I'm Britney. Your ex-boyfriend,
Sean, hired me to dump you.
Oh, no.
It's nothing personal.
It's-- It's what I do.
I'm Britney Brooks,
the break-up artist.
But seriously, I mean, you
met him on a reality TV show.
You were doomed from day one.
So how'd it go?
She was a stage-three crier, Robyn. I
think I got tear stains on my Manolos.
Ohh. Okay, your next client's
name is Linda.
She needs to break
up with her boyfriend.
She can't stand being
in the same room with him.
Gary's just--
He's full of hot air.
He's a liar, huh?
No, no. He farts a lot,
and it's nasty.
Oh.
Wow. I mean, that was just
so clear and concise.
Even I want to break up
with me now.
Here. Um--
On the back
is Dr. Stein's number.
He's a gastroenterologist.
Why would I need a stomach doctor?
With your mother?
We're gonna need something
with sprinkles, stat.
Okay.
Look, Marissa,
I know that it hurts,
but that's what
I'm here for, okay?
Men think all their past
discrepancies will be forgiven...
with fresh roses
or chocolate nougats.
I like nougat.
- No! That's your emotion talking.
All right.
- Here's what you need to do.
First, you need to get through the five
emotional stages of post breakup-dom.
Stage one is denial.
He can't break up
with me because I rock.
Then anger.
That fool, how dare
he deny my rockiness.
Next is bargaining.
Well, you know, maybe if I
did more when we have sex,
he'd realize I rock.
Then depression.
Maybe I don't rock.
And finally, acceptance.
Screw him. I do rock.
Wow. I've never seen someone go
through all the five stages so quickly.
Honey, you're gonna
be fine.
With my mother!
Splitzville, Incorporated.
When you're done kissing him,
we'll start dissing him.
This is Tiffany.
How can I help? Yes.
And we're also running a weekly special on
our "It's not you, it's me" break-up motif.
Never ever wear silk to a break-up meeting,
especially when frosting is involved.
Clients looking to end it all
are unpredictable.
I mean, they're actually
thinking with their heart.
What's wrong with that?
The heart is a "special ed"
organ. It's not supposed to think.
And when you use something for the
wrong purpose, it usually breaks.
Ooh! Air kisses.
- Ashes.
Come on, Brit.
Ashley is your sister.
By blood only.
She's a spoiled, shallow brat...
with the metabolism
of a frickin' Russian gymnast.
I mean, her MySpace occupation
is "professional hottie."
Oh.
Oh, hey, Brit. We're going
clubbing tonight.
If you stop giving off that
Ellen vibe, you can come.
Why bother?
Ninety-nine percent of all relationships
end with someone being dumped.
And of the one percent who actually
get married, 50% end up divorced.
You have a half a hundredth percent
chance of being in a loving relationship.
Oh. Forgot. This is my boyfriend, Mike.
- Hi.
Ash's new B.F., huh?
Let me guess-- a plastic surgeon,
lawyer, movie producer?
No, I teach art to disadvantaged
kids at the Y.M.C.A.
Actually, you know what? I just
entered my kids in a mural contest.
The winner gets 250 grand,
which would fund us for a year.
So, if you guys ever have any
interest in coming to help us paint--
Mm-mmm.
- She's so cute, isn't she?
Are you gonna come
club with us, Mike?
No, I'm just here
to drop Ashley off.
I'm not actually
allowed to dance...
because of a medical condition
known as being Caucasian.
I've gotta go, sweetheart.
I miss you already.
Um, bye.
Really nice to meet
you guys. See ya.
Wow, Ash, not bad. This one
actually casts a shadow.
You'll be sick of him
by Friday.
You're just jealous 'cause a man in
my life doesn't require batteries.
Just once. Come out with us.
I ended a lot of relationships today.
Fine.
Uh, you're giving off the "I'm
not into dudes" vibe again, honey.
No, it's the "I just paid 11
bucks for a vodka cranberry" vibe.
Brit, these guys are from that new
MTV show I was telling you about.
They're rich and available.
Before you begin, you should know that I don't
find either of you the least bit attractive.
Oh. Okay, that was rude.
No, that was honest. Rude is trying to set
someone up who doesn't want to be set up.
Come on. Come, come.
Um, these guys aren't
drunk enough to hit on Brit.
Let's scare her up
a man.
Chick dancing, guys? No.
I'm not--
Hey, you're hot.
Have I seen you
someplace before?
Yeah. Yeah, you have.
- That's why I don't go there anymore.
- Yeah, totally!
Yeah.
Hey, where are you going?
Don't be so picky.
Stupid guys.
Stupid $11 drinks.
Hi. I'm looking
for Britney Brooks.
Look, the rumors are false. I'm not
looking for The L Word type action.
I'm so sorry it's late.
It's just-- It's my boyfriend. I--
It's okay. Come on in.
I'm a convenience store--
always open.
Rick is just
the most amazing guy.
I mean, he's so kind
and caring and sensitive.
And his body,
it's just sick!
I mean, he does yoga.
His Downward Dog, it's just--
it's just legendary.
I mean, I'm treating him like
dirt right now, like icky dirt,
not like that fancy, nutrient-rich
dirt that they sell at Home Depot.
Can't I just break up
with him in person?
It's a bad idea. Look, men
are genetically programmed...
with an ability to convince us that they can
change when we're just about to dump them,
that the second chance will be different
than the 12 others we've given them.
Listen. As an independent
third party,
I will be completely immune to all
his charms, pleas and pathetic cries.
I'm the break-up artist.
It's what I do.
Thank you.
How do you handle this business?
I mean, it's gotta be so depressing
dealing with everyone else's misery all day.
Strong humans like me have a duty to
help people who actually believe in love,
the ones who make tissue
and Prozac a necessity.
Plus, I never take
my work home with me.
You couldn't be anything else?
- Oh, you'll see.
I'll be back before you know it.
- I hope so.
Oh, my love, I shall miss you
every moment when you're gone.
I love you, sweetheart.
Hey, come on.
All aboard if you wanna get there.
Thank God you're here.
We thought you left with
one of those creepy club guys.
I even watched the news this morning
to see if they found your dead body.
Your 1:00 just canceled. They said
they found another break-up service.
Probably another freelance dumper.
They never last.
You don't mess with the best,
and that's Britney Brooks.
She always talks about herself
in the third person.
Tiffany hates that.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm waiting for someone.
Rick, right? Britney.
Look, uh, Sally,
she thinks you're a great
guy and she loves you,
but, well, she's just
not in love with you.
So, that's why she's
breaking up with you.
Uh--
- It's not you. It's her.
No, it's-- it's me.
I should have treated
her better.
The truth is, I never really felt
that spark with her, you know.
I guess that's why I've been spending
so much time focusing on work recently.
I run this dating
Web site called E-Mate.
E-Mate. Yeah, I know you guys.
You keep me in business.
Sally really is amazing.
It's probably why
I couldn't let her go...
even though I knew
she wasn't the one for me.
She's the first girl who ever
really made me believe in love.
Yeah, well, we all believe in
stupid things every now and then.
Santa Claus, wrinkle cream,
zero-calorie Coke.
Look, you're gonna
be fine, okay?
Pain is temporary.
People get dumped every day.
By the way, um--
Love your outfit.
Chartreuse is the perfect color
for your skin complexion.
Thank you.
Um, look,
here's, uh--
here's my card.
And, uh, it was really nice
to meet you.
Stage-four crier?
No, not at all. I--
I've seen all sorts
of reactions from dumpees--
fear, confusion,
throwing things, begging--
but never anything
like this.
He actually said
it was his fault.
But he's a guy. Men never
admit to their own mistakes.
I know. I mean, okay, let's say
hypothetically love does exist.
Why kind of a girl would take
a guy like Rick for granted?
Ugly nose. Fake boobs.
Eating disorder.
He needs to get
an eating disorder.
Hey, Brit-Brit.
Can you call
before you come?
I don't have room on my speed dial.
So, I forgot to tell Allan I'm leaving him
for Mike. You need to dump him for me.
I'm supposed to meet him at
Aura in 20 minutes. Better hurry.
Laters.
Brit, we had
two more cancellations today.
They both say this other new
break-up service was cheaper.
Should we be worried?
Also found this message
on your desk, Brit.
TiVo His Girl Friday
with Cary Grant--
Uh-uh-uh.
Um, you two go take care of
Ashley's latest man-tard now.
Go. Go, go, go, go!
I, uh, just wanted
to thank you.
Oh.
- I really appreciate what you do.
If Sally and I had broken up face-to-face,
there would have been crying and screaming...
and curling up in the fetal position,
and nobody needs to see that.
It's no worries.
I'm a people person, so--
Listen, I know this
is gonna sound forward,
but, uh, I'm not a guy who
sits and mopes after a break-up.
Would you join me
for dinner tonight?
Uh--
Oh, uh, company policy
outlaws dating dumpees.
Wow. That so did not go
like I planned.
Uh, I'm sorry.
It's just, uh, you know,
when I saw you--
Obviously,
you're beautiful.
And I guess I'm just
old school.
When I see someone I like,
I just charge full-speed ahead.
It always seemed to work for my hero,
Cary Grant, and that's why I'm here.
You okay?
Uh--
Damn, Gary.
Rough times.
But Lindsay really
enjoyed her time with you.
And, you know,
it's not you.
No, actually, it is you.
When Britney said you were
so ugly even Bill Clinton...
wouldn't sleep with you,
she was just breaking the ice.
She said, "Save your breath because you'll
need it to blow up your next girlfriend"?
No. No, no, I am not laughing, sir.
It's just--
Come on. It is funny.
Hello? Hello, sir?
What the hell, Brit?
You're supposed to be a quick
and merciless ninja love assassin.
Instead, you're Dr. Phil-ing
everyone's relationships.
Relax. I'm on top of it.
This other break-up service is
stealing our clients and, well,
business is slower than
Tiffany taking the S.A.T.'s.
Hey. Sometimes things
can be true and false.
- Plus, these bills are just starting to--
- Hold that thought, okay?
What? No, I'm sorry.
I'll be there in five.
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
I asked if I could use the bathroom an
hour ago. I'm still holding that thought.
Go pee, sweetie.
We even owe
the Arrowhead water guy.
Ohh. Hi!
Are you stuck in a bad relationship
that you want to get out of?
Yes. For 27 years. But that's not
why I'm here.
I'm Bob Green. I'm Britney's account
manager at Second Pacific Bank.
I'm here regarding her
last few mortgage payments.
What about them?
She hasn't made any.
Rick? Hello?
I never believed in love
at first sight...
until I saw you.
You deserve that storybook movie
romance that you've always wanted,
and I want to be
your leading man.
I know I came on too strong,
but I can't help it.
There's just something
about you, Britney Brooks.
I wish I could quit you.
No, don't quit me.
Let's make
our own romantic movie.
Wait. I think I have
onion breath.
Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.
- Britney? Britney Brooks?
- Hmm?
Sorry. Chuck Charleston.
I work with Rick.
Oh.
- He has pictures of you everywhere...
and I just totally recognized you.
No way. I'm actually
meeting him here. Sit.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, Rick raves about you, about how
close you've become in such a short time.
Yeah.
And it scares him.
That's why he feels it's best
to just nip it in the bud now.
What? Uh-- I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
Why, uh-- Why would he
tell you and not--
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you breaking up with me?
Well, it's nothing personal.
It's what I do.
Chuck Charleston,
break-up specialist. No?
Okay.
You used the "nip it
in the bud" speech?
That's mine. I invented it.
It is copy--
You are in a lot
of trouble, mister.
Wait. Look, it's not him.
It's--
No, wait. It's not him--
Careful!
That's pumpernickel!
All right. Beat it, chuckles.
Evidence. Evidence.
Sorry about that, Brit.
Chuck's just a trainee in our business.
Our business?
Yeah.
You're the other
break-up service?
You pretended to like me?
Whoa, whoa. I was just doing market research,
all right, checking out my competition.
I couldn't know
that you'd fall for me.
Besides, I was told you were this
emotionally tough businesswoman and, well,
possibly not even into dudes.
Anyway, Brooksy,
here's the deal.
Love is the one thing in this
world that people will always need.
E-Mate brings 'em together,
and E-Dump pulls them apart.
I control both ends of love's production.
It's capitalism at its finest.
You're Microsoft-ing
break-ups?
Britney, I'm sorry.
It's just business.
I never meant to hurt you.
That's my line too,
you hack!
Hmph.
It's okay. You've been in this
situation before, just on the other side.
Compose yourself and leave with dignity.
Hmm. Hmm.
Loser.
You know, for years
I told my dumpees...
that life goes on
and it'll all be okay,
but now I realize there aren't
plenty of other fish in the sea.
Nope. All the good fish
have been caught.
The ones left swimming have been
tossed back in by someone else.
Come on.
Oh, I love this song.
Turn it off!
- Oh.
God, I am so done with Rick.
He's a lying, immature,
scummy, two-faced--
Do you think, if I lost
Oh.
We need to tell her
about the mortgage.
Not while she's in a serial stage.
It'll kill her.
Air kisses all.
You need to dump Mike for me.
Turns out he's not rich.
He's got all these expensive-looking
paintings in his place,
but he, like,
drew them himself.
Ah, the nerve!
Britney needs a break right now, Ash.
She's taking things one day at a time.
No, no.
If one more person tells me to
take things one day at a time, I'm--
I'm gonna start taking things
two days at a time.
Yeah. I'm gonna jump
from Monday to Thursday.
If Rick wants a break-up
battle, he's gonna get one.
You do not mess
with the master.
Mmm.
Britney, hey. It's really great to
see you. What are you doing here?
Mike, Ashley is--
Amazing. I know, I know.
She's like my own personal angel.
Ashley, an angel?
She may be the Antichrist.
I have priests looking into it.
You have really
incredible eyes.
You and Ashley, you both have
these just amazing, piercing eyes.
Every time she looks at me,
it's like, she's just--
you know, peeling back
the layers of my soul.
Ashley's breaking up with you.
What?
Yeah, it's, uh--
it's what she does.
I'm sorry, but it's over.
Wait a minute.
Wait a--
But I totally recommend the lobster
ravioli here. Get it with the Alfredo.
I should've been nicer to her.
I should've treated her better.
Been there--
Do you think, if I gained
Oh, no! Ashley!
Steven, you're past due
for a dumping.
They did?
Half the price?
Okay. Bye.
Rick's stupid company
is stealing...
all our immature 20-something,
commitment-phobic males.
I mean,
they're our meal ticket.
Come on.
- Oh, Tiff.
Come on.
- What are we gonna do?
It's okay.
- We have to figure something out.
We will.
He was in no condition
to drive.
Wait a second.
You're Ashley's sister. You know
what kind of man she wants, right?
Listen, I will--
I will pay you anything you
want to help me win her back.
Okay? Anything. I've got
maybe 10 grand in my savings.
We'll take it!
- We'll take it!
What?
- Yes.
No, no. I don't get people
together, okay? I pull them apart.
That'd be like Al Gore
selling S.U.V.s.
Britney, but you don't understand.
Just help me, anything.
Just tell me
what she's looking for.
Money. Do you make a lot?
I'm a Y.M.C.A. art teacher.
Mm-hmm. Strike one.
Do you enjoy fine dining?
I'm a vegan.
Strike two. Ashley only enjoys
eating things that once had a soul.
Do you like to travel?
I've been to Bakersfield once.
Strike three. Sorry, can't help you.
Please. You don't understand. Listen,
Mike, you seem like a decent guy,
and you're oddly attractive in a "George from
Grey's Anatomy" kind of way,
but you have the one thing that Ashley
is just not interested in: heart.
So--
The Arrowhead guy too?
Yeah. Your last few
mortgage payments bounced.
We're gonna have to
pay them back fast, or--
Or I lose everything.
This is why love blows.
Why didn't you girls stop me?
We'll fix it, Brit.
I'll work overtime.
And I'll give back the stapler
I took from the supply room.
Sorry, girls,
but you've been downsized.
That's good.
That's nice.
Okay, guys, that's it.
See you Thursday.
Good work.
I knew it. I knew the power
of love would bring you back.
Yeah, love.
Still 10 grand, right?
Uh, yeah, sure.
I mean, I'd pay anything to get
Ashley back. She was my muse.
I'm sorry. Really.
I painted this when I was with Ashley.
I couldn't stop painting.
I had this artistic explosion in my
soul the entire week we were together.
You got whipped in a week?
- And you know what?
I even sold two of my pieces. I never
sold any of my art before I met Ashley.
And now--
all I can paint is this.
Yeah. I need Ashley back,
Britney.
I need my muse back. These kids are expecting
me to lead them in this mural contest.
How am I supposed to lead them
when all I can paint is this?
That's why I'm here.
So--
What? You're gonna help--
- Yes.
Oh! Yes!
- No.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Okay.
Rule number one.
- Yes?
Do not ever hug me again.
Oh.
- Rule number two.
Yeah?
- What I say goes. No questions.
Really? Even if I have a--
Sorry.
Rule number three:
no refunds.
Within this building lies the
hottest collection of women...
west of an MTV Real World
casting call.
Hold your own in here
and there's hope for us yet.
I'm allergic to dogs,
but I have a cat.
- Great.
See, women like that are similar to
Ashley in hotness and lack of humanity.
So, consider this practice--
a flirting spring training.
Britney, I don't want her.
I want Ashley.
Yeah, and Ashley loves
confident men--
men with the balls
to hit on anyone anywhere.
God, how'd you meet
my sister in the first place?
Oh, she, uh--
She sent me a text,
said that I was hot,
to come over.
Adorable.
Well, if you can't handle hitting
on a girl you don't even care about,
how do you expect to handle being
comfortable around a girl who you love,
a girl who's your muse?
Very nice. Maybe there
is hope for us yet.
Well, that girl's married, but
I think she wants me to cat-sit.
So, good?
Huh?
Ashley doesn't want a guy who
menstruates more than she does.
Get back out there and prove to me
that you actually have a "Y" chromosome.
Oh, uh, here.
Let me get that. Yeah?
Yes. Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
Say thank you, Leah.
Uh, I'm Mike.
- Melanie.
Nice to meet you.
- And you already met Leah.
Give him a kiss. It's okay. It's okay.
I'm so sorry. I'll get him.
Get back here.
Leah! Come back!
Leah!
If people find out
where we're going--
No, we're jobless, Tiff.
We need to save cash.
This is a necessary evil.
But-- But an outlet store?
I'd be buying retail--
outdated retail.
I wasn't looking at her chest.
I was trying to read her T-shirt.
Something written on her ass too!
Excuse me, ma'am,
but your boyfriend is--
A big, fat jerk!
Agreed. We can make that significant
other a lot less significant.
Hi, Sarah. I'm Rick Barnes,
president of E-Dump.
I represent Pat, and while he apologizes
for today's unfortunate incident,
he feels that you've got
real trust issues.
That's why he thinks it's best for
you two to go your separate ways.
- Are you breaking up with me?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, check out my other site-- E-Mate.
A lot of potential rebound chicks.
Ladies.
Mm-mmm.
Time to get our game faces on.
Oh, sorry. Wrong game.
He'll dump you as soon
as the credits roll!
Oh, if it isn't the Matisse of mucus.
- Sorry, okay?
I just didn't know you were gonna so quickly
throw me to the wolves-- Pomeranians.
You and Ashley go together about
as well as socks and sandals.
Okay? Let it go.
Are you kidding me? No. I need
Ashley. I love her. Okay?
Love is an illusion created by
the founders of Valentine's Day...
to peddle chocolates and those candy
hearts with the lame sayings on them.
Love and 6.50
gets you a latte.
- What does that even mean?
- Look.
Ashley doesn't want
a romantic. Okay?
She must have been in an appletini-induced
haze to hit on you in the first place.
Okay, well,
you know what then?
Help me become the man she wants.
All right? Mold me. Sculpt me.
I will be your blank canvas so
you can create your masterpiece.
Okay, you took that metaphor
a little too far.
Well?
Fine. Come on.
Cary Grant. Gregory Peck.
Those were real men--
men who don't exist today.
I mean, you see the way
they act around girls?
Every movement is confident and
calculated, like a figure skater,
except they actually
like girls.
I didn't say
you could spend the night!
I didn't. I just--
I must have fallen asleep.
Get out! Go!
Okay. Okay. I thought you
were gonna mold me.
All right, that 10 grand,
I want it in cash.
I do not accept Visa
or MasterCard.
Yeah, okay, anything.
Just bring my muse back.
Steven Salon. Noon today.
First thing we need to do
is get you groomed.
Steven Salon.
Got it. Okay.
Promise you won't mess
with my hair too much, okay?
Yeah?
Ashley considers celebrity
hairstyles fine literature.
With an Esquire cut,
she'll think you read it too.
I look like a gigolo.
It takes hours to look
like a rich creeper.
I can barely breathe in this.
Okay, you know,
this is way too tight.
It needs to be tight.
Ashley likes her men with definition.
Do you even work out?
I Jazzercise.
Kidding.
How tall are you?
About 6"1'.
Really?
About 5"11'.
You're gonna need
two-inch lifts.
Ashley likes her men tall,
dark and handsome.
I got a deal on the shirt.
So it's only gonna cost you 200.
Bucks? For--
Oh, Britney, I can find a three
pack at the outlet store for 11.95.
If Ashley smells the stench
of wholesale on you,
not even God himself
could get you back together.
The hot dog is in the bun.
Over.
Camouflage doesn't help you
blend in with a ficus.
Sorry. But remember to end all
your transmissions with "Over."
Okay, Britney
needs our help.
Britney fired us.
- That's because she was sad.
If we can follow Rick and figure
out how he stole all our clients,
then we can take him down!
And then Britney will un-downsize us.
P-Please, Robs.
Brit's in trouble,
and I don't want to let her
down again, okay?
Which is why we need
to be all incognigenital.
Incognito, sweetie. Incognito.
- Oh.
Okay. Let's catch up with the hot dog.
Try a divorce.
The hot dog is leaving
the bun. Over.
Stop with the hot dog--
dog thing! Over.
You, uh-- You need
some help there, brother?
These can be tricky.
The good news is
the pink shirt works.
All right. Booyaka.
Right?
Around twice. Right? Through the loop.
- Oh.
Thanks, bro. I'm meeting my girl
here and I wanna look good, you know?
We've been having... issues.
Really? Let's talk.
She swears nothing happened.
- Ah, Christian.
I know chicks, all right? And where
there's smoke, there's fire.
End things now
before you get hurt.
We've been together a year. I don't know
if I could handle breaking up with her.
Thankfully, my friend,
you won't have to.
Look, there's Rick.
This must be Rick's place.
Oh, this is kinda bigger
than Britney's place.
Kind of a lot bigger.
I want a hot dog.
What have we got?
Good, good. Just make sure we keep
the loved and the lovelorn balanced.
Oh, and, uh,
what about Britney?
She's done.
You got dumped because you liked Ashley
a hell of a lot more than she liked you.
Relationships need balance. It's gotta
look like you don't want Ashley anymore.
Girls need to think you think
you're better than them,
or else they think that they can have you,
and then they won't want you anymore.
Look, if you want to win Ashley back, you need
to pretend that you don't care about her.
And considering your level of whippedness,
it's gonna take a lot more practice.
Okay, well, then shouldn't
I be practicing on--
Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!
women?
As a straight male, you're naturally
aloof around other men.
You need to act the same way
around women.
- So I have to be an ass?
- Exactly! That's what women want.
Can I buy you a drink?
- Sure, man. Thanks.
Uh, no, you can't. Um--
You wanna shoot
some pool then?
Mm-mmm.
Ass.
- Very nicely done--
- Hang on a second, bro. Hang on.
Look, I'm sorry.
It's not you. It's just me.
I just got out of a
relationship, and it's been--
It was great to meet you.
And I'll call you right
before kickoff on Sunday. Okay.
That wasn't aloof. I thought you
two were gonna start making out.
I'm sorry, Britney,
but I'm a friendly guy, okay?
And I'm pretty sure
that women like affection.
That is just what we tell
guys so we seem sensitive.
This isn't me, Britney. This
isn't me. I don't play games.
The first time
that Ashley kissed me,
my head said this was
a one-shot deal, but my heart--
My heart said, "Follow her, you fool."
And I did, and I found my muse.
Love is not a choice. Yes, it is.
Love is a chemical reaction, a craving.
If I can control my urges for mini chimichangas,
then love can be controlled too.
You're supposed to be
my blank canvas, remember?
I'm trying to create a Rembrandt
here, and you're finger painting.
I don't like the new Mike.
Yeah, well, Ashley
dumped the old one.
Paul, I can't believe
it's you.
It's not. My name's Jeff.
- Right, but we went to SC together.
I went to UCLA.
Weren't you a business major?
- History.
Oops. My bad.
Hey. The craziest thing
just happened.
I'm sitting here waiting for you,
and then this other girl comes up--
Hey, Jeffy, you big stud.
Jeff and I have been together
since our days at UCLA.
Judy, I--
Yeah, I don't know this girl.
Remember how we used to
study together for history?
I'm surprised
either one of us passed.
Judy, baby, I promise.
I don't know this girl.
I've never seen her before.
I swear!
Why would you--
Tiff. Tiff.
- Hey, who are you anyway?
The chicken has flown
the coop. Engage the chicken!
Engage! Over.
Yeah.
Okay, you can
do this, Robyn.
Are you okay, miss?
'Cause I work for Splitzville,
and I can help you.
I--
Hello. E-Dump?
I need to get rid of my
cheating boyfriend A.S.A.P.
The chicken
is crossing the road.
Why did the chicken--
- Yeah. I'm here.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Come on.
Air kisses.
Look, if you're looking for
your latest boyfriend deletion,
I'm gonna have
to charge you.
No. I'm not dumping
my new guy.
Are you okay?
You look worse than usual.
New guy? Wonderful.
Just... perfect.
No, he so is, and he's renting
out Club Finale tonight.
I wanted to see what
Robs and Tiffs were doing.
Oh. Um--
Well, I guess
you can come then.
No, I-I really...
could use
a vodka cranberry.
This is so exciting, Brit.
I always wished we were closer.
- Really?
Yeah. And when
you put makeup on,
you're not half hideous.
Hi, honey.
- Oh.
Britney?
Britney, wait.
I'm sorry.
Sorry? For what?
For dumping me?
For ruining my business
or for dating my sister?
Or is this just a blanket apology
for all your past wrongs...
and future mea culpas
against me?
Yeah. That one.
The least you could've done was hired
me to break up with myself.
Then I would've gotten
something out of it.
It's not my fault.
I mean, look at her.
Ashley has this aura, like she
pretends to not care about anything.
She's not pretending!
Listen, I'm opening up
a new break-up division,
strictly for the removal
of sloppy seconds.
And I need someone to run
it for me-- someone like you.
Had to pick the red.
Ew! Ew. My sister?
Ew!
It's not that big--
- Mmm!
The contrast is amazing.
Just keep goin', guys.
Do your best.
Mike. Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
Good job, guys.
Ashley. You look amazing.
It's really good to see you.
Wow. You, uh-- You look terrific.
We should totally
hang out sometime.
Totally hang out?
What are you, 12? Oh, are you
gonna make her a mix tape too?
Would you please stop
and just turn down the volume?
All right? You're gonna
force me to pull a van Gogh.
Get focused, okay? No compliments.
One-word answers.
Ashley is your muse.
You need her.
And I need that money.
- All right.
Now just do what we rehearsed. Don't forget
the three A's-- arrogant, aloof, assy.
Assy. Right.
- And if you run into any troub--
She's coming.
Move it, van Gogh.
Okay, walk slowly.
Be cool.
I said cool,
not constipated.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, uh,
nice talking to you, gorgeous.
All right. Yeah.
Talk to you later.
Mike.
Oh. Uh, what's up--
Amber.
Ashley.
- Right.
You got a haircut.
Had it styled.
I like your shirt.
Is that Sea Island cotton?
Yes.
- Yes. Yes.
- Esquire says--
- Esquire says...
that once you cut the tags off
your clothes, they're dated.
Plus pink is the new white, so I've
gotta update most of my casual wear.
Thankfully, black is still the new black--
Thankfully, black is still the new black,
so I've still got that going on.
Miro amor, mirame
en los ojos.
What?
Uh, I was just Spanglishing.
I was-- I was, uh-- I was just
Spanglishing. It's that new thing to do.
You start your sentence in English.
You end it in Spanish.
Oh. Of course.
Spanglishing.
I've been doing that for... mucho tampon.
- Right.
Uh, well, I've gotta go,
but we should totally--
- Hello.
- Walk forward.
Pivot. Walk away.
Okay, if she stares at you for
at least four seconds, we are in.
Four, three, two, one.
Yes!
Ah!
# I'm so gonna pull this off
Doo-dah, doo-dah #
# Then I'm gonna get 10 grand
Doo-doo-doo-dah-day # Cha-ching!
# I'm gonna save my place, yeah
and punch Rick in the face # Uh!
# Then I'll take his business
down Doo-doo-doo-dah-- #
Oh, my God! I am so--
- Britney?
- Sally?
Um-- I'm okay. Really.
I'm gonna be okay.
You-You dropped something.
This is E-Dump. Are you dumping
a boyfriend, girlfriend or one of each?
Let me tell you, girls.
It is great having...
two break-up specialists
with your experience here.
Welcome to E-Dump.
Look! Brit!
- This is not what it looks like.
- Totally.
Good. 'Cause it looks like
you're hurting me.
Ta-da!
This is just a little thank-you
for all of your help so far-- far.
Rick used to shower me
with roses, all the time.
Now every time I see them,
I think of him...
and I remember
all the pain.
Rick ruined red roses
for me.
He also ruined bubble baths,
New York City...
and most of my music collection,
including, sadly, my '90s Madonna.
Ashley killed
frozen yogurt for me.
Also, uh, hammocks,
banana pancakes
and the color magenta.
I lost French food, diet
cola and airplane flights to Rick.
Da Vinci is dead to me. So are butterfly
kisses, Ping-Pong and reality TV.
The beach, Pictionary, sweet tea,
iPods, slow dances, Cary Grant.
Sunsets, sleeping in, strawberries
and John Denver's "Country Roads."
Rick ruined
everything for me.
Maybe I should
come back tomorrow.
Have I really got you
in my arms again?
Oh! Jack!
Rick's company is huge,
and I'm just me.
And now they have
my two best friends.
Well, they're a heartless
corporation just in it for the money.
You dumped people
out of love.
Will you stop with that
awful four-letter word?
You know, if the writers of these movies
you like so much never experienced love,
they'd have no idea
how to portray it on screen,
and you wouldn't have any idea
who Cary Grant is.
You see, when a person has love
and they channel it into something,
whether it's a painting...
or a business that helps people
shed their unwanted exes,
it becomes a force of nature.
A passionate person fueled by love
is a force that no one can defeat.
Just use that other color.
All right. Can I grab
your brush for a second?
Thank you.
All right, guys, we're gonna do some
more passionate and stronger strokes.
Just like this, all right?
And be vibrant with your colors.
Because we are happy,
and this is a happy mural.
Hi.
- Mmm.
Uh, keep goin', guys.
I went to that frat house
like you asked.
I got at least five new names.
- Oh.
And where would
our client list be?
I mean, I should add the new names.
Well, leave them
on my desk.
No one sees the client list
but me and Rick. Hmm?
Oops.
Mmm! Thanks.
No ways.
Sorry. Oops.
Right.
What about her?
Uh, purse doesn't match?
No. You're not supposed to
wear white after Labor Day.
Oh. Oh!
- And that's for ditching me last night.
Well, I remembered how much you
appreciated our other night together.
Yeah, but, last night,
I need--
I mean, I wouldn't have
hurt you for staying.
Okay, hang on. Stop.
So, first, you're pissed
at me because I stayed.
Now you're mad at me for leaving.
- Yeah.
Well, how am I sup--
Oh, come on, Britney.
Well, I'm sorry?
Congratulations.
You passed.
Passed what?
- The female-brain test.
See, our logic is way more advanced
than your standard Earth male,
yet we expect you to understand
even when we don't make sense.
That makes no sense.
- Exactly.
But you kept your cool
and followed the golden rule:
"Always apologize to a girl
when she's upset."
Especially when you didn't
do anything wrong.
So, hang on.
All the crying last night--
that was part
of this test?
Yeah, of course.
I mean, come on. Me cry?
Bah.
- Okay. 'Cause I was worried about you.
That guy was progressively
lighter from head to toe.
Who dresses him?
Have you ever considered working
on the happy end of relationships?
People don't need help falling in love.
They have the Internet and
alcohol for that.
But they do need someone to help
cushion the blow when it's over.
'Cause no matter
how gently you dump someone,
what your ex is really saying is,
"My life is better without you in it."
Getting dumped is like
skinning your knee as a kid.
I'm just the kiss from Mom
that makes it feel better.
I really hope that one day you and
love get back on speaking terms.
Love is just a leftover emotion
from our hairy ancestors.
I mean, when your house is under
constant attack from woolly mammoths,
then yeah, love and all that
other cutesy stuff are important.
But today we have wireless everything.
We're self-sufficient.
We don't need
to rely on each other.
So, what about them?
Probably been together
for over 30 years.
Their youthful good looks
are gone.
They've already gotten on
each other's every last nerve.
And I'm sure they're not
in it for the sex anymore.
So how do you explain the fact
that they're still together?
How else
other than love?
Senility and Viagra.
I'm just saying.
While I agree that her shirt
was cut sluttily,
it also had a very humorous
slogan on the front,
so clearly my client was looking
at that and not her boobs.
So it's over. Deal with it.
Well, pardon me.
I don't know how I didn't see
this tall drink of handsome.
Mm-mmm-mmm.
Oh. Just as I thought.
Made in heaven.
I'm on my way to Crunch
to do some pectoral flies.
Mm-hmm?
- Care to spot me?
Okay.
Good work, Steven.
Your next dumping is on the house.
Where's the client list?
He's not talking.
That's because
you gagged him, sweetie.
Let me go!
- Ow.
Is somebody thirsty?
I've got a blueberry schnapps.
Or maybe-- maybe you'd
prefer a whiskey shot.
No. No, no.
Anything but that!
Oh, this is so-- Mmm!
- No!
Where is the client list, Chuck?
I can't! I can't!
No.
Oh, right here.
- Monsters.
Oh! Monsters!
Monsters!
No! No!
Okay! Okay!
Okay. Just put them away.
Put them away. I'll tell you.
The client list
is in my e-mail account.
So please stop.
Come on.
I'll pay, okay?
You don't have to break a--
Bob had a full head of hair when he married
his wife. Now look at him. He's hideous.
She nags him, restricts
his football watching,
and she's on the Olympic sex
program-- once every four years.
Sucks for Bob. Move.
He obviously needs
to cut her loose,
but E-Dump is getting
overloaded with clients recently.
So I thought I'd outsource a
few cases to you. You interested?
No.
- Brooks, please.
Just listen to me,
all right?
Look, I came
to bury the hatchet.
Yeah? Well, you already did.
It's in my back.
Please, just accept
this rose...
and these delicious nougats
in the spirit of forgiveness.
I'm here to help, all right?
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
I'm staring
at the horse's other end.
Britney. Britney,
we need to be civil, all right.
For Ashley's sake. I--
I love her.
Why is every man
in love with my sister?
Just let me give you a job, all right?
- Ugh!
You can run your own little
break-up bureau out of E-Dump.
It'll solve
your bank problems.
Britney, please. I--
I don't wanna fight with
my future sister-in-law.
Get out.
I mean, it's perfect irony
really.
The break-up artist
done in by love.
I'm broke. My only hope is to get
this guy together with my sister, and--
I mean, he's nice and
he tries really hard, but--
He just lacks Rick's charm.
I'm surprised my sister
fell for him at all.
I mean, God,
what was she thinking?
Sorry. There's just
no one else to talk to.
Well, I know it looks
bad right now,
but I have every faith that
you will bring my muse back.
If you want the money now,
I can give it to you.
No.
I don't take money I didn't
earn. I'm not my sister.
Ashley liked you
for one reason.
She thought
you were rich.
Okay. Rick's got cash,
which is why he's got Ashley.
We can fake your coolness,
and maybe we can make you seem a
little more financially attractive.
First we're gonna need
some money.
Twenty-five bucks.
The emo kids
love your artwork.
I just came to help.
Yeah, well, your help's why I'm
sitting here with one client.
Brit, this hasn't been
easy for us either.
I miss you.
And Tiff's so crushed, she's going
back to get her beauty school G.E.D.
Look, this file contains
all Rick's clients,
many of whom
he stole from you.
Swing half of them back to
your side, and his business is done.
I'll take them all.
So, we got the money.
Now what?
Uh-oh.
Is that all you got?
- Oh, shut up.
I can't feel my abs anymore. I think
you're supposed to rest in between sets.
Did Romeo rest
when chasing Juliet?
Ross never gave up
from pursuing Rachel.
Right now, another man is wining
and dining the woman of your dreams--
a horrible, disgusting
other man.
Three!
You ready?
- Let's do the thing.
All right. Okay.
Okay.
Good for dinners and daytime
summer barbecues.
Yes.
Any movies
after the third date.
Nice.
Come on.
First meeting
of the parents.
Birthdays and bar mitzvahs.
Shoot. I knew that.
Let's go again.
Oh. Sh-- I know. I looked.
Force of habit, okay?
Ow! Okay.
It was-- Never mind.
Oop.
And I want summaries of all
the fall lines by tomorrow.
How's your fitness?
It only takes me 12 minutes
to do the 8-minute abs now.
Nice.
Oh, guys. I'm so sorry.
I completely forgot.
Hey. Oh, come on.
Oh, come on, guys.
Hey. Hey, you know, I'll come
in early tomorrow morning.
All right? We're gonna
get this done. I promise.
You know what, Britney?
I'm done with this.
I'm done with the practice. I'm done
with the training. I want my muse now.
Okay. You're ready.
Britney, you--
you were so amazing.
You knew everywhere
that Ashley was gonna be.
No. It's all you, Mike. I'm so proud
of how much of a dick you are now.
Oh. Okay.
You think I should her now?
- What? No, no, no, no.
As soon as you pick up that
phone, you go from hunter to prey.
No more balance.
- Okay. I'm breaking the rules!
You're so good.
- What a day.
Mike?
Hi.
Uh, hey.
What's up, Amber?
Ashley.
- Right.
Were, uh--
Were you getting a massage today?
Mmm.
So what do you want,
a ride home or something?
No, no.
Uh, my boyfriend's coming to get me.
He, like, has a Mercedes.
Hmm. Well, have a good night.
Oh.
Mmm! Hi.
This is three grand
a bottle.
What, is that a lot?
Nah, I just sold
one of my paintings.
You just sold
one of your paintings?
Half a mil.
Really? You just sold
one of your paintings.
Yeah. It was a bad week.
I totally misread you.
You really come off as that
"wholesale shopping bag" guy.
Yeah. Yeah, that's, uh, just an act...
to keep away all the chicks
that are just after my money.
Those are the worst.
Yeah.
That's your stop.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Laters.
Good work.
What's wrong?
She, uh--
She kissed me.
Oh. Well--
That's a--
That's a good thing,
right?
Yeah.
Just drop us off.
We can't afford you
for another hour.
# I remember when you told me #
# We'd be together
till the end of time #
# But time passed so quickly #
# I guess
you changed your mind #
# Though my head's a mess #
# I've got nothin' left
without you #
# And I hate how it feels #
# I want to see you again #
# How could this be the end #
# Don't say good-bye #
# Don't say good-bye #
# I know this time
it's for real #
Sorry, guys,
but you know what?
I know we're
better than this.
And that's why
we're gonna start over.
We're gonna put
our hearts into it,
and we're gonna put
our souls into it.
Yeah. Put some
sea-foam green into it.
And remember, guys, we're
telling a story here.
We're telling a story
about good versus evil,
and we're telling a story
about love.
What the hell, Mike?
This is our D-day.
We're on a strict schedule.
Ashley will be at Avalon by 10:15.
- Spider Club, 10:30.
She asked me out.
- Ashley asked you out?
Ashley never asks anyone out.
I mean, that's great.
You got your muse back.
- I turned her down.
What?
I just thought that after the other ni--
- No, Mike, I need this!
Okay? Or else
I lose everything.
- Got your text.
- Yeah.
You need something?
I need my girls back.
Bouquet, bouquet!
Yea!
I'm so sorry that I
downsized you girls.
Mmm.
- But I have a secret mission tonight.
- Ooh.
You wanna get upsized?
- Let's do it!
- Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Oh, I totally wanna
see you too, Rick.
But, yeah, no, we're gonna
have to wait until tomorrow.
I totally have plans with
someone else tonight. Laters.
How did you know
I liked pink roses?
Red ones got ruined.
Keep feeding her wine, Mike.
The higher her blood-alcohol level,
the better our chances.
Okay.
You're right, sir.
They're on the move.
Oh. I've gotta go
powder my nosie.
If the waitress comes,
I want--
Merlot-- 73.5 degrees.
Okay. Very nicely done.
We almost have balance.
Go to the appetizer page.
Follow the script,
and we will be fine.
Okay. What if she does
something unexpected?
Desserts. Here.
Okay.
Uh-- Okay, static.
What's going on with the sound?
- Um, mike check, check. Can you hear me?
You know what?
Forget about it. Don't even worry.
You have taught me well.
I can do this on my own.
No. We're screwed I
think it's the batteries.
Here you go.
Hi.
- Hi.
Oh. Mm-mmm.
Okay.
Match the diode up with its ionic
charge, or it won't circulate its power.
Tiff?
And he's wearing pink.
- Shoot. She's coming! Battle stations.
- Go. Go.
After dinner, you should
try the crme brle.
It's Atkins-friendly here.
The last time
we were together,
you so gave off this
granola-loving, tree-hugging,
"I give my salary
to the poor" vibe.
I am so glad
I was wrong about you.
Yeah, well, uh, you know,
I like to take things slow.
When I meet someone, I prefer to
gradually reveal my personality as things--
Ashley!
You're being set up.
This, uh, guy paid your sister
to help him get you back.
What?
Ashley, I understand your concern.
- Aw!
Look!
- Oh, crap.
- Pathetic.
- What the hell's going on, Mike?
- Yeah, Mike.
Brit-Brit?
Ladies?
How could you?
After everything I've done for you.
She's just jealous, all right?
She's trying to break us apart.
But I love you, Ashley.
Ashes, no!
Remember Mike?
He-He has fashion sense,
a limo and-- and those abs.
Honey. It's really expensive.
Hey! Back!
Give it to me! It's mine!
So the ring is huge.
Come on, Mike. This is it.
Don't quit on me.
Mike.
I can't--
I can't do this anymore.
Britney, all the games,
all the lies.
I don't-- I don't even
think she's my muse anymore.
What?
Last night
when I kissed her,
I-I didn't feel that spark
like before.
It didn't feel as good
as when I kissed you.
That wasn't a real kiss. It--
It was diversion. Doesn't count.
Britney, the second
that we kissed,
my mind exploded with thoughts and
feelings I didn't even know existed.
My body tingled.
My lips were on fire.
They were probably chapped.
I-- Here.
Britney, you took charge of my life.
Okay?
You... knew me.
You read me.
No! No, I'm illiterate.
- You're incredible.
You're incredible.
I'm in love with you.
No.
No.
Don't. Don't.
Don't do this.
Just give it a chance.
I can't date clients.
You know what, Britney? If you want
to treat me like a client, fine.
It's the logical choice, but I
know you felt something last night.
You had to. Okay, listen.
- No. No.
So for just once in your life,
think with your heart.
Okay?
I-- It's--
It's not you.
It's me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Cary Grant, Gregory Peck--
those were real men,
men who don't exist today.
- Rule number one: Do not hug me.
- Get out!
- Is that all you got?
- What the hell, Mike?
Considering your level of whippedness,
it's gonna take a lot more practice.
And that's for ditching me
last night.
Ow!
# To guide you and lead you
through dark #
# Into light #
# Gotta know
what you're feelin' #
# Wanna know
how you're dealin' #
# With pain inside #
# It's okay not to show it #
# Takes some time
letting go #
# All the hurt
you'll find #
Robs?
Perfect. That would be perfect, girl.
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking,
"What was she thinking?
"How could she pass up
the love of a great guy?
A great guy with
a $10,000 check?"
But I didn't earn
Mike's money.
And I didn't
earn Mike either.
He needs to be
with someone like him,
someone--
someone who still
believes in love.
I just asked
if you had more boxes.
Oh. Um--
Nope. That's--
That's it.
And you should've
kissed Mike.
Shut up.
Why do girls keep dumping
that cutie?
Look at
the bright side, Brit.
At least you kept him
away from Ashley.
He would've never
been happy with her.
Yeah. I mean, Mike's money might
help me keep all this stuff, but--
At least I can still look
myself proudly in the mirror--
if I had a mirror.
Mmm. We'll do one
last check.
Okay.
- Okay?
It's gonna be okay.
- Okay.
Come on.
All right, come on in.
Let's get this over with.
You know, people tell me
I had a mean job.
You foreclose and rip people
out of their homes.
Does that make you happy?
No.
Hi.
I paid off the bank.
What? Why?
You paid me to help you get
back with Ashley, and I failed.
I-- I didn't earn
your money.
Oh, Britney. I hired you
to help me find my muse.
I'm very happy
with your services.
It's incredible.
The kids and I worked on
it for three days straight.
Just came together like all great
art does when you're inspired.
He liked you.
He really did.
You were great around the house,
amazing in the kitchen...
and a generous,
yet gentle lover.
But he just needs
to be with someone...
a little less evil.
Plus 1997 called and it wants its
unbuttoned Backstreet Boys shirt back.
Unlike E-Dump, we offer a special
players' club card for macks like you...
that offers discounts on all
"one-night stand" removals.
When the clock strikes 4:00,
we'll get 'em out your door.
Wait. Okay.
Gary? Hi.
I just felt like
we had a connection.
Yeah, I miss you too.
And now back to the financial news.
Shares of E-Mate took an
Enron-esque nosedive today.
The company's effort to break
into the break-up business bombed.
Now that company
is getting dumped.
I realized I have
a gift for starting relationships...
as well as ending them.
So I rebranded my company...
and dedicated it to all aspects
of the most powerful force of all.
Love Rocks. This is Britney.
How can I help you?
Well, how can he
respect you, Steven?
Stop putting out
on the first date.
But I still enjoy going
back to my roots every now and then.
Ah!
Sorry to hear
about everything.
Yeah, the break-up business--
it's a cruel one.
This isn't over, Brooks.
I'll be back, especially now
that I have Ashley.
Yeah, about that.
She doesn't really see this
relationship progressing.
It's not her.
It's you.
Seems there are lots
more people looking to fall into love...
than fall out of it.
Love blows.
And that is the story
behind this painting.
Thanks for choosing us, sir.
That money's going to good use.
# Singin' na-na, na-na #
# It's a beautiful life #
And it's all
because of you.
My muse.
# Na-na, na-na #
# It's a beautiful life #
# Yes, it is
Oh, oh #
Hi. I'm Ashley.
Okay, so maybe love
is a little more eternal...
than I gave it credit for.
Yep, I love love again.
As some dead British guy once said that
it's "better to have loved and lost...
than never to have
loved at all."
Love is always in our hearts.
We can't lose it.
But in case you did,
I can help.
I'm Britney Brooks, the love consultant.
Give me a call.
# What a beautiful life #
# Yes, it is #
# Na-na, na-na #
# What a beautiful life #
# Oh, na-na, na-na #
# What a beautiful life #
# Yes, it is #
# Oh #
# Still tryin' to
figure out what went wrong #
# Thought we'd last forever
'cause we seemed so strong #
# Singin' I love you #
# Felt so right #
# Now I lie awake
so many lonely nights #
# Everyplace I go
and everything I see #
# Reminds me of you
and how we used to be #
# You took more than my heart
when you ran from me #
# So please give me back
New York City #
# You ruined airplane flights
and N.Y.C. #
# Bubble baths
and some sweet tea #
# I can't swim
I can't barbecue #
# Green-eyed girls
now make me blue #
# Butterfly kisses
fly away from me #
# 'Cause I left my heart #
# 'Cause I left my heart #
# 'Cause you broke my heart #
# 'Cause you broke my heart #
# In New York City #
# New York City #