Quiet on set, please. Quiet down.
Here we go. Pulsara Mgica
testimonial, take 13.
- 14.
- Take 14.
And 3, 2...
Two years ago,
I was working on my roof
when suddenly...
I fell.
I hit the floor and hurt my back.
I couldn't find work.
Nobody'd hire me.
But thank God
I found The Magic Bracelet.
And since then...
- my life has changed...
- Cut! Cut!
We're not selling used cars.
We sell hope.
I repeat: Hope.
Do it again.
I don't understand.
What don't you understand,
for the love of...
How do you sell hope?
How do I sell hope?
Watch me.
If I didn't believe that this bracelet...
worked miracles,
that this bracelet cured arthritis,
I wouldn't use it.
Now you understand?
The folks need to believe
what you're selling is real.
That the bracelet is real.
Act.
- You sure you got it?
- Perfectly.
- Sure?
- Sure?
But can you explain one thing?
What's that?
How does this bracelet work?
The script says it's going to send
energy all through my body.
Truth is I feel nothing.
And me, as a Method actor...
- I need to know what I'm feeling...
- What, what?
A Method actor?
What's your problem?
Can't you just say
the words as written?
You think I'm an idiot, or what?
Sorry. My nerves.
You're fired.
Let's give this Method actor
a hand. He's got to go.
Get out before I pummel you.
You!
You. The one cleaning.
How long have you been
in this country?
Two weeks? Three?
Get this man a script.
Pelocine...
The hair regrowth tonic for men.
You can be 80. Look 40. And have
more hair than when you were 20.
"TO ROB A THIEF"
Who has time to exercise nowadays?
Lose weight the easy way.
Apply Kema Krema and wipe away
those extra pounds.
A natural cream that helps circulate
the blood to your member.
Which means you'll be thicker
and longer where it counts.
And you girls will enjoy him
a whole lot more.
Thoughts?
It's sensational.
Because size does matter.
Days, months, years
living with muscle or joint pain?
Wowl 25/ growth?
It's the most effective
hair regrowth tonic.
Scientists have developed...
Lose weight the easy way.
Apply Kema Krema all over your body...
Ladies care about the size
of a man's member.
What's the solution?
As soon as I put it on, I, um...
I saw the difference, and I got better.
For instant relief
of arthritis and headaches,
try The Magic Bracelet,
the bracelet with magical powers
that'll change your life.
Well, two years ago...
I was working on my roof,
when I fell off.
When I fell, I hurt my back.
Sit down.
I wanted to stretch my legs.
It's just, we've been
sitting for hours now.
When someone comes to pay for you,
then you stretch.
Yeah?
Which one?
Wait here.
You. Nappy-locks. Get out.
Reinforced with titanium steel
and coated with crystals...
Thank you.
You've been so kind. God bless you.
What's the matter with you,
moron? Get out!
Go on! Get out!
Sorry.
Frickin' homo.
I hate this country.
Bro.
How ostentatious.
You like it?
Drug money?
What a racist comment.
Just because I'm a well-dressed
Latino with a car
doesn't mean I'm a drug dealer.
Since we last spoke,
I started my distribution company.
Check it out.
I saw this one. Good movie.
Very, very, very good.
I personally did the artwork.
I think you misspelled Crash.
Business is good, then?
Good enough to get you here.
Which reminds me. You owe me.
I owe you for what?
For getting you across the border.
Know what that costs these days?
Take what you need from here.
Where'd you get this?
From him.
Hand it over.
I wouldn't give it to him.
The gun's pointed at my head.
Still, I wouldn't give it to him.
Of course...
because the gun isn't at your head.
Enough chitchat. Give me the wallet.
If I were you guys,
I'd leave before he wakes up.
Improve your life. Call nowl
This job's not going to be easy.
I didn't expect otherwise.
"ENTREPRENEUR"
- He's doing very well for himself.
- Better than you thought.
How far is his office from here?
Ten minutes.
So these immigrants are here
every day, waiting for work?
Yep. Every day.
Good. You and Castillo go in
as day laborers like we did in '02.
So when do we hook up with Castillo?
Never. Castillo got married.
Lives the honest life now.
Let's get you out of those rags.
- What about Guzman?
- He's in Mexico.
I thought he was here.
He was, until he got deported.
Got picked up at a bus stop
in an INS sweep.
What about Rodriguez, then?
Please don't tell me he fell in love
and moved to Paris.
No, Rodriguez is still here.
What?
But he didn't like the 50/50 cut
you proposed.
Greedy friggin' bastard...
He's not alone.
Nobody understands
why you're keeping 50%
when we've always split
the full 100 evenly.
You and I both know this job is different.
This one's personal.
Besides, we're going after one man,
not some fat corporation like usual.
Son of a bitch! Is there
no honor amongst thieves?
Aside from you and me?
What am I doing here?
You said everything was set up.
It is.
No, it's not set up.
For this job, we need a crew.
We can't do this one alone.
What if I told you I had a crew
that was okay with splitting 50/50?
Better yet, a crew that nobody knows.
Civilians?
Good. Because you know
I never use civilians.
Immigrants.
To hell with this.
I'm going back to Colombia.
Wait, Emilio!
I've scouted a few guys,
each skilled in what we'll need.
We need professionals...
- They are professionals...
- Professional thieves!
We'll train them.
In two weeks?
Please! Please!
This was your plan anyway!
You said it. People here don't
give immigrants a second thought.
Remember?
They're practically invisible:
The maid, the chauffeur, the gardener.
Moving in and out
of highly secure places...
I know what I said.
I know what I said.
- They go virtually unchecked!
- Exactly!
We were using professional thieves
posing as immigrants.
Except now we're using real immigrants.
We really don't have much of a choice,
Emilio. Other than...
calling it off.
So, Alejandro? Is the chapel
going to work for you?
It's your call, Emilio.
Do we donate to the parish
or forget this whole damn thing?
Donate.
The chapel's perfect, Father.
Tell me about these immigrants.
For all our technical needs,
we have the perfect guy.
His name is Julio Miranda, and he can fix
a computer with a toothpick.
Julio, is my camera ready?
What?
I said yes! Yes, bro! It's over there!
And he can mumble
in six languages.
And for transportation,
I have Rafa and Rafaela.
Shut up, Fifi.
What's up, Alex?
- Is that Rafa?
- No.
That's him.
Alejandro. What are you doing here?
I'm almost done with your baby.
You like it?
Now, that's a car.
That's why I'm the best.
Are you bringing me new business,
or is this your new lover?
Remember that job
I was doing with an old friend?
I've never stolen anything in my life.
And all this?
I ain't done nothing illegal since
I got out of juvie five years ago.
I assure you, this is worth it.
All I got to do is drive?
You don't have to decide now.
Think about it.
If you're up to it...
...meet us here tomorrow at 10 A. M.
You need cars customized or fixed?
You gonna need a driver?
Your father?
- She knows what she's doing.
- He's good.
But don't tell her I said that.
But don't tell him I said that.
If you convince my dad, I'll do it.
I trust his judgment.
But don't tell him I said that.
Done.
Closed.
The union strike will
make or break this heist.
For that we need a real con man,
not an immigrant.
I got the perfect guy.
His name is Miguelito.
He's a Cuban refugee.
A Cuban refugee?
Why do we need a Cuban refugee?
He's not just a refugee.
He's an actor.
He was doing counter-revolutionary
plays in Cuba.
American baseball players are the best.
Cuban baseball players are the best!
That's why they all end up in America.
Mommy!
And for all our heavy lifting,
we have Anbal.
The other 50%, who gets it?
- Can't say.
- It's my job.
I'm planning it. Financing it.
So I get a bigger cut.
It's customary.
Not really. I just deserved it
for all the years I've put in.
If you're interested,
we'll see ya tomorrow.
Okay. Before we start,
my partner Emilio and I want
to thank you all for coming.
Oh, sorry.
Before I forget...
I wanted to give you my headshot
and rsum. Maybe you can...
I'll take that.
All of you know me
and have an idea of what I do.
I've sold you pirated movies,
fake I.D. S, Social Security cards.
But really, I go for big jobs.
Jobs that make very good money.
And when I say very good money...
I mean...
That's a lot of zeros.
...very good money.
Fuckin' balls!
Balls.
Is that how a proper young lady speaks?
I don't know.
I ain't no proper lady.
What are you lookin' at?
Pansy-ass poser.
Nobody's looking at you.
Oh, so you're not checking me out?
- Is that what you're saying?
- Get over yourself.
Nobody here is checking you out.
Enough! Enough!
This is a serious job.
It requires serious planning,
serious conning.
Seriously big balls!
Big balls. Like these right here, Alex?
Okay.
Our mark is an Argentinean millionaire
who lives in this mansion.
Since the collapse of Argentina's banking
system, most don't believe in banks.
Some have resorted to keeping their
money in personal vaults.
Such is the case with our mark.
All his money is in a vault
on this property.
We have a floor plan of the mansion.
Except for one hallway downstairs
leading to the vault.
It's off-limits to everyone.
You need two key cards to open the vault.
Primitivo has one.
The other belongs to our pal, the mark.
The in-house accountant.
The accountant's name is Primitivo?
Primitivo? Primate? Like monkey?
The poor bastard
is more like a caveman.
He's flanked by two guards
the entire time he's there...
from the moment he steps
on the property until he leaves.
Wherever he goes, they go.
If he has to go to the bathroom,
they're there.
If one of the guards has to go...
Anyway.
Primitivo keeps his card
on him at all times.
But our mark isn't as cautious.
At the end of each day,
he places the card in a locked
drawer in his private office.
So to open the vault
at the mansion,
we have to get into that building
and get that card.
Which means...
we need to get his keys, too.
Where are they? In his pocket.
The problem will be getting
into the building itself.
As you can see, it's high-tech.
State of the art.
Cameras, guards, 24-hour surveillance.
Eight months ago, the cleaning crew
tried to unionize, but they failed.
We think it's time they try again.
They strike. We pose as scabs
and enter the building.
- Excuse me...
Let me get this straight.
Your plan depends on organizing a
strike in two weeks? Here?
Correct.
- That's impossible. Rafaela, let's go.
- Of course it's not.
Of course it is.
I'm out.
This record's already scratched.
Moctesuma Valdez.
The millionaire Alejandro is talking
about is Moctesuma Valdez.
The infomercial guru?
I didn't know he was Argentinean.
His real name is Claudio Silvestrini.
He changed it to Moctesuma
so he could pander to Latinos.
Especially Mexicans.
He's a phony, an opportunist,
and his products are all frauds.
Everything about him is a lie,
even his name.
He's amassed a fortune preying
on the hopes and dreams of people like us.
Regular people.
Immigrants. Like you. Like me.
He knows what he's doing.
He targets his customers
at the perfect time. You know when?
When they're most desperate.
How many people, relatives,
friends do we know
that have gone broke ordering these
so-called miracle cures?
Too many, right?
And then there's...
Water of God.
And rejuvenate the body's
natural immune system,
helping to prevent
coughs, fever, and diabetes.
The most despicable,
the most vile thing he sells.
Doctor, I have an important question.
Cancer? What about cancer?
And the most personal one.
In many cases,
cancer has been eradicated.
That means for a lot of our viewers
who don't have insurance
to pay for these expensive treatments
that are needed to cure cancer
have a much cheaper alternative
with Water of God, right?
Exactly. And as a doctor,
I recommend Water of God.
There you have it.
Buy Water of God right now.
Live longer.
Rejuvenate your immune system.
On principle,
we never steal from our own.
But this lowlife deserves it.
He's not a good man.
I know this is risky.
But life is full of risks.
None of you would even be in the U.S.
If you hadn't taken a risk.
So...
are you in?
Good.
In two weeks, Valdez will be
throwing himself a party
for being named Hispanic
Businessman of the Year.
It's a big deal for him.
Even the Mayor of Los Angeles
will be there,
which means the party
is the perfect opportunity
to create a diversion
and gain access to the mansion.
"TECHNOLOG Y FOR THE NEXT DAY"
Julio.
We're getting started.
If everything goes right,
we should be out by dusk.
Wait a minute.
We're going to rob him
in broad daylight?
Yes.
Rafaela.
You think you can build a secret
compartment like this
in the trunk of a limousine?
Frickin' A.
Do real women arm wrestle?
I'll take that as a... yes.
Remember, the deeper you make it,
the more money we can get out in it.
Cool.
What color do you want the dress?
Dress?
No one said anything about a dress!
It's not just a dress.
It's a formal gown...
black.
Why do I have to wear a dress?
Because none of us
would look good in one.
You might look acceptable if you did.
You want me to kick your ass?
Brother, I know this would be a problem.
It's just for one day.
You can kick his ass later.
Please stay out of it.
I'm here to work on cars,
not go to the frickin' Latin Grammys.
You know people
at the Latin Grammys?
I'll take that. Sit down.
This here?
What'd he say?
That a secret compartment in the trunk
of a limousine is too obvious.
Thanks for the tip.
How long a tunnel can you dig
and reinforce in two weeks?
How many people are going
through it at one time?
- One.
- One?
With 2 X 4 reinforcements
every 6 feet...
If I start today, according
to my calculations,
It's 65. You'll have to dig fast.
enough to hold up the tunnel?
With all due respect,
I do this for a living. They'll hold.
Besides, it's not like you're
driving a truck over it.
Now, excuse my naivet,
but how are you planning
on getting me in there?
Oh... that's not a problem.
For two months, Alejandro's
been working on the nanny.
Working on the nanny?
No. She can't answer.
She's a little busy.
It's a good thing she can't hear you.
Son, stop. You're going
to wrinkle my shirt!
Yes, Mrs. Valdez?
This little animal is out of control.
Please.
Come help. I know it's your day off,
but I don't know what to do.
Is he running around in circles, yelling?
Yes, he's running, yelling. Please.
Claudito, freeze!
Claudito, say you're sorry.
Sorry, Mom.
Sorry, Dad.
- Thank you.
- Look at this.
You're welcome.
What were you doing?
It's hot. I checked your air conditioner.
It's broken.
I bet you know someone
who can fix it.
Yep.
It's hot as hell.
You seem nervous.
I said you seem nervous.
I'm not nervous.
Why would I be?
Let me tell you something.
Guards are like dogs.
If they smell fear,
they'll pounce on you.
Don't worry about that.
I'm ready to go.
I always get like this before a show.
Mild stage jitters.
But when the curtain goes up,
I'm the man!
I have over ten years' experience
as a professional actor.
If I screw this up,
I'll accept the consequences.
Ready?
Ready for anything.
Hope so.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- For what?
For preparing my meals.
Like a good woman should.
What?
I didn't make the food for you, blondie.
I'm just doing my job!
I need a favor.
I need you to go with them.
What for?
Every good con needs a distraction.
How is it I'm the distraction?
It's just that all women...
are a distraction.
Turn the motor off, chief.
Turn the motor off.
It gives me a headache.
You here to fix the air conditioning?
Did you hear me?
Are you here to fix the air conditioning?
What's wrong with him?
The air conditioning...
is broken.
It's broken?
Ironic, isn't it?
What's that?
The air conditioner is broken...
and you guys fix air conditioners.
Get it?
What a sense of humor.
Open up the back for me.
Huh?
I have to check the van,
or you can't go in. Got it?
Ah, yes. Of course.
How nice of you. Thank you.
What a surprise.
Good afternoon, Miss.
I'll get down so you can check it out.
Yes, yes. Of course.
I need to check it all out.
All right, boys.
All good. Go ahead.
You're not gonna check out the van?
I checked out all I need to, babe.
You checked out my tits
and my ass, ya pig!
Daughter!
Your daughter? Charming girl.
Go ahead.
It's the nanny's quarters,
the AC unit, which is broken.
- Go on through.
- Thanks.
I can't believe
he didn't check the van.
We could be al Qaeda
for all he knows.
I'm only here to drive,
not act. Or talk. Just drive.
I just forgot to do
my relaxation exercises.
Your what?
My relaxation exercises.
Would you stop that
and give us a hand?
You done?
Ready.
Do you like the glasses?
I thought it'd be a nice touch.
Helps me get in character.
- Marlon Brando used to say...
- Please...
Try to avoid security at all costs.
Excuse me, sir. My name
is Andrs Jess de la Amistad.
- I'm a representative...
- Excuse me, sir. Sir!
I'm a representative from Local 23.
I wanted to talk to you about...
Sir! Excuse me!
I no came to talk to you,
Mr. Security Guard!
I came to talk to this gentleman
about unionizing.
As I was saying,
I wanted to talk about unionizing...
- Hey, want to be a tough guy.
- Son of...
I'm watching you!
I am watching you!
Your mama!
These people!
The United States aren't
as pro-union as I thought!
- Stop!
- You can't be in here.
Enough! Oh, God! I've had it with you!
Primitivo, I'm sorry.
He got away from me.
No problem.
Come on, let's go.
Gloria. Wait.
Do you mind?
I wanted to...
I wanted to know if you'd like
to come with me to the party.
I can't.
I meant to tell you that...
that I'm going with someone.
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Don't hate me.
I could never hate you.
You're so sweet.
Look. I'll make a deal with you.
If things don't work out with this guy,
my first date will be with you.
Sorry to bother you again.
How do you get out of here?
Yes. Go left, right, then left again.
Thanks.
And then you were like
"Claudito, Claudito, get out of here!"
You know who dropped all those pictures?
It was so funny.
SUV loaded?
It's ready.
It's just that...
I have to use the bathroom.
Number 1 or 2?
It's just that...
I'd like to take a shower, too.
You can't go in the house. Go!
I've been in there a while.
I'm starting to reek.
You don't smell. You're fine.
Really? You don't smell that?
- You don't smell like anything.
- You sure?
For sure.
You ruined my surprise.
I'm going to wash your SUV.
Is it that dirty?
It's full of dirt.
After I jumped with...
If you can give...
Jos, enough
with the noise, please!
I'm trying to work.
I can't concentrate.
Buy Jose a new leaf blower.
Hi, Gloria!
What does she see in him?
What does who see in who?
What does Gloria see in that guy?
Her new boyfriend.
New boyfriend?
I didn't know she had an old one.
Good point, sir.
He's not to be trusted!
You're not going to be long, right?
Give me a minute. I'll be right back.
I didn't realize Gloria had a chauffer.
She doesn't.
What are you doing here?
I'm waiting for Gloria.
I'm a friend of hers.
A friend?
What kind of friend?
A best friend? A gay friend? Or...
A friend with rights?
Boyfriend.
Her boyfriend.
What does Gloria's
boyfriend do for a living?
My name is Alejandro.
I'm a freelance distributor.
A thief...
recognizes another thief.
I'm going to ask one last time.
What do you do?
I pirate Hollywood movies, sir,
and sell them on the street.
You're not planning
on robbing me, are you?
Because if you were,
we'd have a serious problem.
No, sir.
Honestly, the only thing
you have worth stealing is...
your nanny.
Did you hear him?
He wants to steal Gloria.
Mr. Valdez, what's going on?
Why didn't you tell me
you have such a charming boyfriend?
Yes. Yes, he is.
A pleasure, Alejandro.
The pleasure's all mine.
Hold onto this one. He's a keeper.
Of course, Mr. Valdez.
Good day.
Let's go.
He's up to something. Find out what.
Yes, sir.
We're here to pick up...
We're here to pick up the old unit.
Fine. I'll open up.
Yo, bro! You Cuban?
Big time. You?
Right off the raft. Whereabouts?
I'm from San German.
Sagua La Grande.
I have a cousin there...
I'll just open these up for you.
Go ahead.
Man, are these gates slow.
You sure he didn't see you?
I'm positive, boss.
Followed him all day.
He is what he says he is.
Sells pirated movies on the street.
Rumor is he's got
some strong stuff on his hands.
He's planning something big.
That's nasty.
I know, I know. I need a bath.
Dude, don't bathe.
You finally smell like a man.
You like it? Come here. Smell it.
You two cut it out.
Where's the dirt?
The dirt's in the SUV.
Mr. Valdez.
It's about your boyfriend.
That one.
Not that one.
You can do this. Help me, Lord.
Miss, Miss, wait.
Excuse me. My name is... -
I know who you are, sir.
And I know what you want.
Mr. Amistad,
we've been secretly meeting,
trying to organize for months.
When Chava gave me your
pamphlet, I saw it as a sign.
I can set up a meeting after work
at this address.
Take your stupid flyer, ya bastard!
I want nothing from you! Nothing!
"WE LEAVE AT 6:00 PM
WE'RE GOING TO 980 W. 77th ST."
$5.00.
How much for this one?
$10.
This other one?
This one's really good.
This is how you make your living?
What are you doing here?
When were you planning to tell me?
I was going to. It's hard to explain.
Anything else you haven't told me?
Of course not.
I just wanted to see this for myself.
Before I told you it's over.
Please, this is harmless.
Answer me this.
Were you going to rob Mr. Valdez?
Do you love me?
Or was all this planned
to get close to him?
Friggin' pretty boy. Easy.
A few words of advice:
Get out of town.
If I catch you near the mansion again,
you're gonna have an accident.
Miguelito, you're the man.
You're the best.
Who did Hamlet?
Who did Pinocchio?
Um, hello. Hello.
Thank you all for being here.
I want to thank Blanca. You came because
of her. Thank you, Blanca.
Yes. You have a question?
Yeah, what union are you with?
Your union?
We need to know which union
will be sponsoring us.
Well, that union would be...
SAG.
SAG? What's that?
SAG is... is the Screen Actors Guild.
The Screen Actors Guild is the union
for actors. Actors like me...
Tom Hanks wants to sponsor us?
Tom Hanks, in person, won't really...
Julia Roberts? Is she in that union?
Yes, Julia, too. All actors belong to...
With Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts,
we'll get everyone to strike.
Listen, I think you misunderstood.
Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts
will not be with us.
We can't win unless Tom Hanks
and Julia Roberts are there picketing.
Management needs to see
big stars supporting us.
If they're not coming, forget it.
Don't say that. Wait. Please!
Shut up!
They may not physically be here.
But they're with us in spirit.
They share the same passion for justice...
equal opportunity,
fair wages...
health insurance.
Sure. It'd be easier if they
were striking with us.
But when has life been easy
for people like us?
We struggle day after day.
We work ten times harder
than most people from here.
To have a roof over our heads.
To put food on the table.
To feed our children.
This is the land of the free.
And only together, united as one,
will we be able to taste that freedom.
What happened?
What'd I tell you? Listen!
Yes, we can! Yes, we can!
He did it. He convinced them to strike.
I told you this guy was good.
Beginner's luck. Let's hope it lasts.
What?
It's pretty obvious.
- What?
- It's too obvious!
Don't push it.
The porta-potties are for the help.
They go over there.
I know I'm breaking the Fifth.
The Third?
One of Your commandments...
again.
But You know
my heart's in the right place.
O Lord...
They had that outfit made for you?
I got clothes you could've
borrowed. But whatever.
Ready?
I didn't think I'd be so nervous...
but yeah. I'm...
ready.
My daughter.
You look... beautiful.
You look like your mother.
Yeah?
Can we get this over with?
I feel like a Barbie doll.
Go over the plans to the mansion
one more time.
Good. Everybody knows
what they're doing.
Get one with the Chancellor, please.
Thanks. Thanks for coming.
Go on in.
Get on the toilet!
Get up! Get down!
Get on the toilet!
Oh, crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap.
I'm in the middle of an important event.
What do you think?
I should make the mayor wait for
a bunch of whining immigrants?
It's your job to prevent these things.
Yes, sir.
You know what?
Fire them. Fire them now.
We can't do that.
They have a right to strike.
What rights?
What rights are you talking about?
They're not Americans.
They're just immigrants.
They have no rights.
I want them fired
and replaced immediately.
- Or I'll replace you.
- Yes, sir.
How's it going, brother?
How's your day going?
A lot of work, or what?
Try not to scratch it.
Car's not mine.
I'll take this one.
- There he is.
- Relax.
Colombian.
My old friend, I'm so glad you came.
I wouldn't miss it.
Are you going to give me
back my wallet?
No. Not until you give me mine.
We're still the best.
Yep. The best.
Let me introduce you to my date...
Enchanted, Miss.
Same.
Why don't you get us something to drink?
The usual.
Ah, yes. The usual... drinks.
I'll go get them.
She's very young.
- Let me introduce you to the mayor.
- The mayor?
He's a friend. I pumped a lot
of cash into his campaign.
Owes me big, the son of a bitch.
Mr. Mayor, a pleasure.
Damn, this Emilio guy is good.
Thanks.
How hard can this be?
I mean, sure, it's every day
you see a mansion...
with an entire floor
dedicated to a private vault.
Exactly.
Left... right.
Left here? No, right...
right... left...
Idiot. Idiot. It was a right.
Right. Left.
Yep.
You're late.
It's not my fault. It's just that...
Wow.
You look...
You look incredible.
Really?
Yeah, like a woman should.
And you smell like a man should.
- Really?
- Yes.
Shit! My dad!
Where?
- No, the keys. Take them.
- Right. The keys.
Give 'em...
- Here you go.
- Give me... take his.
Hey. What took you so long?
Sorry, I ran into a...
bit of a distraction.
This one's mine. Thanks.
Okay, who wants to work?
Me! Me!
Yeah, you. Come on.
Everybody, follow me.
What about Rafa?
Don't worry. He's a good driver.
He'll get here.
Move! You son of a...
Excellent cigar.
It better be.
They cost me 500 bucks a box.
I'm trying to figure out...
which of the seven deadly sins
hasn't consumed you, my friend.
Sloth.
I'm anything but lazy.
Doesn't go with me.
But greed does.
You and I have always held different
philosophies towards stealing.
But in the end,
stealing is stealing.
I remember a time when Claudio
Silvestrini had ethics.
That! That's why I left the team.
The money. It's here.
In this country. It's here...
That money...
you make it robbing
Latinos living here.
The old moralist has arisen.
Ah, yes. The pact: Don't steal
from our own. Please, Emilio.
Sure, I sometimes think
about them,
but when I count my cash...
when I start smelling it,
the thought escapes me. I forget.
So much money, and it never
occurred to you to help Catarino.
You knew he was sick.
And that he was dying.
Were you counting your money
when the thought escaped you?
I got busy.
He taught us all we know
about this business.
Yes. He taught us all we know.
Everything, except how to be rich.
To get rich, you can't have a conscience.
You have to steal, lie, cheat.
Whatever it takes to get rich.
- Alone.
- I work better alone. So?
You don't expect me to share
all this with two or three...
ridiculous thieves? Please.
Don't break my balls, old friend.
Don't worry about what I've become.
Enjoy yourself and quit bitching.
Out of our way!
- Don't let them through!
- Let them through!
I'm gonna call the police!
Traitor!
The keys!
Scab!
All right. Let them through
before they call INS.
Check this out.
What are they doing
in Mr. Valdez' office?
- Did you authorize that?
- No.
You didn't authorize that?
Because that Mr. Valdez
will have our head, all right?
I know.
They're not supposed
to be in his office.
There's got to be
an explanation for this.
These dumb immigrants,
they don't know better.
They're just easy
with the whole immigrant...
I'm telling you...
Where did the little one go?
Where'd he go?
- What?
- What?
What's he doing?
He's looking into the camera.
- Did he...
- Get out of the camera?
- Did he just kiss the camera?
- He just kissed the camera.
Oh, no! Come on.
Look what he's doing to the camera.
Looks like he's cleaning it.
Look at that. He's cleaning the camera.
This stupid...
- Come on, man.
- I can't believe this.
That idiot broke the camera!
I'll look for the key card.
You download
the customer list. Hurry.
"CUSTOMER LIST"
"DOWNLOADING"
All right, come on, man.
Hell, siesta time. Get going.
What's going on here?
Did you break the camera?
Hey. Stop. Knock it off.
Good-bye. Not clean now.
Look. Hey.
He break the camera?
What?
What are you doing?
You're not supposed to clean...
You got to get out...
Not supposed to be here.
Thank you.
You need to get out of here.
You're not supposed to be here.
- Let's go.
- Excuse me.
Come on now. No more cleaning.
Put it in the trash.
I don't know
what you're doing with that.
Get out of here. Come on now.
Move it. Let's go.
No more cleaning. Yeah.
Right there in the trash.
Let's get going. I haven't had
my dinner break. Come on!
I'm going to turn someone
into a piata.
Let's get out of here. Come on.
Come on, get going.
Let's move it, all right?
You're not supposed to be here.
Yeah, that means move, move, move.
Move. Come on.
Jeez.
And learn the frickin' language
when you get a chance, you know?
Excuse me, sir?
You're in America.
Learn Spanish, A-hole.
Hey.
What?
Oh, great!
You left the cart!
...will never be defeated!
People united
will never be defeated!
We're going to go to the bathroom.
They should be here by now.
More water, sir?
Yes. Please.
Refill that.
Yes, of course.
Sorry, Emilio!
Do you know this waiter?
Why would he know me,
the great Emilio?
He's one of the biggest producers
in all of Mexico.
Listen, Two Women, One Bedroom
was the bomb!
Forgive me. I got a little nervous.
I'm an actor,
and I wanted to give you
my headshot.
Please, pardon me. Excuse me.
Emilio Flores?
Who'd he confuse you for?
I don't know.
I don't watch telenovelas.
Me, neither. Excuse me.
Imbecile. Caressing her back.
Jealous?
Yes, Julio, yes! Of course I'm jealous.
This is where the party's at, right?
Yes, sir.
Perimeter breach. Main gate.
It's that Alejandro guy.
Dear friends, thank you for sharing
in this wonderful event with me.
I want to thank the mayor,
Councilman Petrovski,
and of course, my lovely wife Veronica,
who, thanks to her,
this whole marvelous
event was organized.
And...
Get your hands off her,
or I'll rip your head off.
She doesn't want to talk to you!
Don't make things
more difficult, pretty boy.
Come with me.
Apparently, somebody didn't
like the arugula. Don't worry.
Please... please... don't get up.
This will all be over in a moment.
Code Red.
All hands requested
on the back lawn nowl
That means everybody. Nowl
Somebody get that animal down
from there! He's ruining my party!
Listen, child...
go play outside, and don't
come in here for anything.
Get going.
"ENTREPRENEUR OF THE YEAR'
Stand him up.
- Mocte, enough. Stop.
- Vero, get out of here.
My love, remember, you're
Man of the Year. People are watching.
If you're gong to pummel
this son of a bitch,
at the very least take him out back.
Go on.
What are you two doing here?
This guy said they called a code red.
Nobody called a code red.
Who's guarding the vault?
Where's Primitivo?
He's an animal, Gloria.
You deserve somebody
better than him.
Thanks, Primitivo.
You're a good friend.
I want to be more than a friend, Gloria.
Please, allow me this.
I only see you as a friend!
You're going to see me
as more than a friend!
No! Leave me alone!
Where the hell are you?
This is an emergency.
Do you have your vault key card?
Check to see if you still have it.
Yes, I still have it. It's right here.
Come to the vault, right nowl
What's wrong?
Just come to the vault, you moronl
That was it. There's no more.
Get out of here.
Excuse me.
Yeah, yeah.
What's wrong?
Where were you?
Give me the key!
This isn't the key, you stupid idiot!
"DIAMOND HOTEL"
Tell the guards outside to check
everyone that's leaving!
If someone got into that vault,
they're not taking my money from here.
Got that? Move, damn it!
Get me the code to open
that door! Go!
- I don't understand what's happening.
- I'm being robbed, you idiot!
Get this garbage out of here!
Lock him in the bathroom.
How much longer, damn it?
Two minutes.
It's about time, brother.
That hurt. You didn't tell me
he hits so hard.
Aw, crap. I thought I mentioned it.
No, you didn't. You'll have to pay
worker's comp.
Yeah.
What's going on here?
Nothing, baby.
Everything's going according to plan.
Meet Dora, Alejandro's wife.
How do you think we got the map?
Go scare Primitivo.
Sorry to bother you again.
How do you get out of here?
Where are you going?
I'm leaving.
Your party was kind of a bust.
Oh, yeah?
Check this vehicle. There's bound
to be a secret compartment.
That's what I'd do.
What are you talking about?
Assuring my money
doesn't leave the property.
What are you doing?
Don't play dumb.
Please, it insults me.
The waiter/actor.
This cheap-looking driver.
And of course...
Of course! The guy that sells
pirated movies on the street.
He's a friend of yours.
He was the diversion.
While you were doing
all the dirty work,
he was the sleight-of-hand.
Perfect.
Perfect. Classic Catarino play.
Well done.
Boss...
we've found something.
Open it.
What's going on here?
It's clean, boss. Nothing.
Check this car again. Inch by inch!
But, boss, the car is clean.
I told you to check it again,
you moron!
Wrath. Another deadly sin.
You won't get away with this.
You may have gotten
the money out of the vault,
but you won't get it off my property.
And another thing.
Your friend?
He's a dead man.
Honestly...
I have no idea what the hell
you're talking about.
Boss.
The car is clean.
Please excuse me.
Should we let him go, boss?
The whole limo, okay?
It was too obvious, eh? Too obvious!
Help me.
Damn.
Damn.
You! Get in there!
See where that goes!
- You got a radio?
- Yes, boss.
Do it again. Do it again.
Go find your mother.
- Check this vehicle. Gloria!
- Yes, sir.
I found some bags in Gloria's SUV.
Of money?
No, sir. Dirt.
Booth guard! Don't let Gloria
leave. Detain her...
Yes, don't let Gloria leave.
Copy that.
My money has to still be on the property.
It couldn't have been taken.
We checked every car before it left.
Thanks, Cuz.
Good-bye! Good-bye!
Good-bye!
That's what you wanted
your money for?
To give it back.
Thank you, Emilio.
But you don't have to do this.
Catarino and I were like brothers.
He would've have done the same for me.
Your father would've been
proud of you.
Thanks.
We now go live to Los Angeles,
where Mara Luca Fernndez
brings us the latest news.
Surprisingly, MV Enterprises,
the corporate offices,
infomercial guru Moctesuma Valdez
caved to union demands
without a fight.
Reporting from Los Angeles,
this is Mara Luca Fernndez.
What are we doing here?
Wouldn't you like to leave driving?
Driving?
In that.
It's a gift from both of us.
You did a good thing.
You deserve it.
We got lucky.
It wasn't luck.
They knew what they were doing.
They're pros.
I never told you how I picked them, right?
According to the movies I sold them.
They all liked the ones where
thieves triumph at the end.
Have a good trip.
Burbank, CA