Pick up. Pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up, pick up!
Sarah! Sarah!
Duncan, what happened to you?
Good. You're okay.
Go down to the basement.
Right now.
Oh, my God!
What is that?
Do it now! Hurry!
Goddamn it!
And there she blows.
Mr. and Mrs. Hayslip,
take a look.
What is it?
It's definitely something
the doctor should look at.
- He'll be with you in a moment.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Familial adenomatous polypsis.
It's a polyp.
Oh, it sounds really bad.
That sounds bad.
You got a thing in your butt.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You got a little trooper
in your pooper.
- You don't need him there.
- Is it serious?
It's... it's not that bad.
It's not that serious.
This though,
this is a weird shape.
This is concerning me a little,
but not overly.
Look, in the end,
this lump in your colon
is most likely due to PSM
which is poor stress management.
Look, how long have you had
stomach issues?
- Um, for... ever.
- Mmmmm.
Yeah, he's in the bathroom a lot.
Not, I mean not, not a lot.
I'm in the bathroom
a decent amount of time,
but not like, it's not extreme.
- How often is a lot?
- Hour, hour and a half.
Yeah, about 90 minutes.
That's not, that's...
hugely concerning.
Over the course of
the day, not...
Okay, good thing is,
we can do something about this.
It's an endoscopic polypectomy.
Basically, we insert a camera,
into the anus.
- Okay
- Right?
There's an electrified
wire loop at the end of it,
and we...
...pop it off,
like a plum off a tree.
Being pulled
by an electrified wire loop.
Okay. Okay, I get it.
You don't have to...
You don't have to
describe it anymore.
Do you have a family history
of G.I. problems?
Uh, well, you know, my mom
would gladly tell you
that she's, um, you know, regular
like clockwork.
One of those.
What about your father?
Uh, well, we don't speak.
I haven't spoken to him
in sometime. So...
Look, I think what you're going
to need is some coping mechanisms,
so I can give you the name
of some professionals
- that can help you out.
- Are you talking about a therapist?
Oh, I'm nut...
I'm not a therapy guy.
We can get there.
We'll do it. We'll call him.
Great. Stop by the desk
on your way out.
Talk to Nancy about
scheduling a follow-up.
Until then, you take it down.
- No stress. Keep it quiet.
- Right.
No stress.
Keep it cool.
No stress.
I'm sorry.
Um, hello?
This is my office.
You might be in the wrong office.
Hey. Hey, guys.
Just take that all
down the hall and to the left.
Lucky day, Dunc. New office.
Part of the new job. What?
New job?
Human resources.
I'm an accountant. I don't know
the first thing about humans.
Come on, it's just temporary.
You're far too valuable an accountant
to keep in H.R. permanently.
I'd love to help. I just don't know
if I'm the right man for the job.
- Do you believe in this company?
- Yes.
- Believe in our mission statement?
- Yes.
Our employees are also our clients.
Of course.
Our clients trust us because
we put our own skin in the game.
- I'm in the game.
- I'm in the game, too.
Your retirement account is here.
Mine is here. We're in this together.
Right. Right. Right.
Which is why I need you
to handle the layoffs.
What?
- You're a nice guy, Dunc.
- Thank you.
Which is exactly what we need
right now.
A nice guy, and we gotta
let some people go,
and you just said
you're a team player.
I am a team player,
it's just that I don't...
I don't... I've never fired
anybody before in my life.
It's easy, you'll love it.
I'm so glad you're on board.
Um, I'll be sad to see you go.
What?
So. Your new office.
This is a bathroom.
It was a bathroom, and now
it is an office for two.
Hey, there, cubie.
That's what I'm saying
instead of roomie.
Dunc, you know Alistair.
Um... yeah.
Uh, Duncan, I need you and AI
to work on a re-org chart
and uh, I'm going to need to
see that first thing next week.
Next week? I still have to
deal with the Darcy accounts.
I have... The board of directors
asked me to make a presentation.
- I have to get that done by Monday.
- You got Alistair.
You got it covered.
Hey, uh, cubie.
You think these toilets
are still functional?
Would save us a lot of trips
down the hall.
Really?
Yeah.
And don't forget
we have dinner with your mother
tonight at 6 pm.
Thank you for doing
this therapy thing.
I think it's gonna help.
His name's Dr. Oliver Highsmith,
and I think you're really
gonna like him.
I know you think
all therapists are crazy,
but I think this guy
is totally legit.
I hope it goes well, doughnut.
Lactose intolerant.
Just like myself.
I am not...
Did I... did I write that I was?
- You checked it, yes.
- I meant no, I'm not.
I don't get it, you meant no
when you say yes?
I think it was just a mistake.
I am not lactose intolerant.
Okay, don't make it a big issue.
I'm sorry.
What's happening?
Witch doctor.
Witch doctor.
Shut up!!
Please, don't listen to him.
He thinks he knows everything
about everybody.
I can't stand him sometimes.
It's like...
All right then.
Let's get started.
I want you to
come over here.
Lay down. Relax.
Uh, what... what far?
What you came here for.
Hypnosis. Not?
Oh... No.
I want to bypass
your conscious mind
to access your subconscious mind.
Ah...
Where the real you might be.
The true you.
A light and consistent stroke
over the forehead
from temple to temple
relaxes the patient.
Okay.
No, I act... I actually don't know
if this is right for me.
I mean, I'm only here
because of my wife.
Uh, no offense, I'm just not...
I just don't believe in hypnosis.
How about we do this,
how about we just pretend...
I'll pay you, and we'll pretend
that I'm making progress.
I don't need your money.
- I didn't mean to offend you.
- I'm not offended.
I'm just sad.
Uh...
I'm here on Earth
to help people.
Well, thank you for coming.
Would you mind if I, uh...
if I took off?
Shh.
You've gotta be...
We're done.
I just want to thank you two
for being so supportive.
It's kind of been a rough time.
A lot of stress at work.
It has been, it's been a crazy
couple of weeks at work.
Well, we love seeing you guys.
And Bobby just, you know,
he loves to cook.
Oh, I do, I do.
Oh, Mom, don't.
Mom...
Oh. That is not the spiciest
dish at the table.
Yeah.
Well, thank you so much
for the food, Bobby.
- Duncan?
- Yeah?
You can call me Dad.
Or Daddy.
- No need to.
- Papa.
- Bobby is good with me.
- You know what?
Don't call me Daddy.
That's reserved for somebody else.
Mmm.
That must be our special guest.
- Special guest?
- I don't know...
Dunkie. I can't imagine
what it must be like for you.
Growing up without a male
to look up to.
To know what males
should act like.
Every now and then
it's a little obvious.
- Everybody.
- Sort of... girlie.
This is Dr. Lawrence Tip,
and he runs the Tip Center
for Fertility.
That's right.
And we're doing really well.
Duncan, I presume?
Yeah. Yes.
I've heard a lot about you.
Are... are you two planning
on having a baby?
- Oh, heavens no.
- Not the way we do it.
Sc Duncan,
your mother here tells me
that you guys are having
a little trouble conceiving.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
- No.
Sweetie, Sarah is ready.
So if your little guys
are slow swimmers,
maybe something can be done.
Wow. Beatrice, I feel like
I may have mislead you
because that is not
an issue that we're having.
Duncan, if you have a problem
with erectile dysfunction,
I can help you with that.
Look, I just thought there
might be a problem.
Your father had a problem
in that department.
- I just thought...
- I don't... I don't...
...need to know
about any of that.
Honey, sometimes we have to
hear things we don't want to hear.
It's a common affliction, Duncan.
A lot of men have it.
Not me, of course.
I'm a very virile man.
- Me neither. Super virile.
- Very virile.
I don't know you well enough for this
to feel comfortable with me.
Bobby, thank you so much
for this delicious food.
If you want,
I can set up an examination.
- I don't.
- Mmm, would you?
- I don't.
- Great idea.
In fact, maybe I can take
a look tonight while I'm here.
That would be perfect!
See if there's a response
to a stimulus.
Are you the one
doing the stimulating?
That's correct, yes.
And size has nothing to do with it.
Don't be bashful.
He's right. You know, I mean,
we don't have that problem.
- No.
- We have the opposite problem.
I mean, we have to
really take it slow.
Honey, no one cares about
the size of your willie.
I've seen it, it's beautiful.
It's way above average.
The point is progeny.
We want grandkids.
In other words, there's more
than one way to choke a chicken.
Uh, wow, that's...
That's something to think about.
Oh, look at that. It's work.
I'm gonna have to take this.
Yeah, hello?
Hey, cubie,
how's it going?
Two things. First of all,
the toilets do nut work properly.
Uh-huh.
Second point.
I've looked into the Murphy
report on your computer...
You're using my computer?
Yes, and the good news is,
I found it.
The bad news is,
I think I may have deleted
something important.
You what?
Yeah, it was a folder called
"Board of directors presentation."
What?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I've been working on that
for a year.
Oh, my God.
This is bad.
Honestly, I was flustered
by the toilet situation.
I called the janitor.
That's going to be better.
- That will...
- Whatever, whatever.
Whatever. I'll come in tonight.
I'll take care of it.
Bye.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Oh, God.
Did you know that the leading
cause of divorce is children?
That's not true.
That is just what children
believe in their hearts.
Kids are a huge responsibility.
It's just a stressful
thing, honey.
I don't know if I could
do it right now.
Okay, look, I didn't say that
I wanted to have a kid today.
I don't need to have
a kid tomorrow.
Okay, good because
tomorrow I have plans.
I gotta go see the doctor.
I gotta get the car washed.
Honestly, so if you're planning
on popping out a kid,
I just don't think it's
an appropriate day to do it.
I'm just saying that...
...I want to have a family,
and I want to have a family
with you.
I know. I want to have
a baby, too.
I just...
Phil put me in charge of layoffs.
Today.
Why did you agree to that?
What am I gonna say?
All you have to really do
is just say no.
It's just...
It's not a great time
to make big changes right now.
Can we just let things
settle down a little bit?
- Okay.
- Yeah?
- All right.
- I'm sorry.
What is going on down there?
Awful things.
Godawful things.
Oh, my God.
That is the worst smell I have
ever smelled in my life.
Honey? Is this gonna
be more cf a five minute deal,
or a half hour deal?
Uh, go to bed, honey. I have
to go back to the office anyway.
- Don't wait up for me.
- Okay, be safe in there.
Don't rip anything.
I love you.
- Good night.
- Okay.
Hey.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Just, uh... slept funny.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I tell you
what happened yesterday?
Samantha's pregnant.
Can you believe it?
And not only that,
they went down to City Hall
and got married yesterday,
and they didn't even tell me
- till after the fact.
- Oh.
So crazy, she's my last friend
that I ever, ever, ever
thought would have kids,
but she has health insurance now
that she's pregnant...
The body of Alistair Mcgee
was discovered earlier
this morning by maintenance crews.
McGee died from massive blood loss
sometime during the evening.
The coroner's office reports
that the injuries were sustained
by what appears to be
an animal attack.
- Experts say it could've been...
- What?
- That's Alistair.
- Who's Alistair?
My cubie.
...focus of
a recent SEC investigation
in response to charges
of corporate fraud.
Can you imagine
what happened in there?
It must have been terrifying.
You're late.
What the hell happened?
I'm not sure. Some kind of animal
attacked Alistair last night.
Animal control says it was
probably a rabid raccoon.
Yeah, that's what they said
on the news.
It's super freaky. I got somebody
checking out my office right now.
Listen, at least you don't
have to fire him.
Bonus.
Here's how we're gonna play it.
I just want you to be straight
with them.
You're gonna give them
the package.
When you walk in,
you're gonna see the folder...
You... you want me to do this now?
You want to fire this guy today?
- You'll do fine.
- What about Jill?
Jill is great
for something like this
because she's big,
she's intimidating, she's tough.
I don't want tough.
I want nice.
I want gentle.
Oh.
I want you.
So clean and quick, and then
I'll send in the next guy.
And if he doesn't break out
an AK-47, we all win.
Hey, hey,
look what I can do.
You know,
it's times like these it...
...it's difficult
to bounce back.
So we're... we're giving you this,
and the severance package
is not much, but it's something.
There's a severance package?
I mean, the meat of it
is the thank you.
You mean like a... a note
that just says thanks?
Yeah, that's bad.
- It's not much, Abaloosh, but...
- Abalash.
- I'm sorry?
- My name is Abalash.
It's spelled like it's Abaloosh.
Really?
Really?
It's dumb that we
have those in there.
Barry thought it would be a...
...a laugh in a...
in a stressful situation.
I said at the time,
that's not a good idea.
Give those back.
I don't know why somebody...
That's completely...
inappropriate.
Good job, brah.
That's it for today.
Today?
- I have to do more of this?
- It'll get easier.
You gotta remember what
you're doing is a good thing.
It's horrible.
But...
...it's fulfilling.
Hi, Duncan, it's Dr. Tip calling
from the Center for Fertility.
Look, I'm gonna level with you,
you've got a smoking hot wife,
and you're moping around
with a wet noodle.
If you don't get her pregnant
soon, somebody else will.
- Come on.
- Be a man and ask for help.
Call me.
How is this guy a doctor?
All right.
Let's, uh...
...let's see here.
There you go.
So far... so good.
Uh... no.
That's strange.
I'm in the right...
Hold on.
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Where are you?
Yula, can you hold the
chart up for me?
Huh, that is strange.
I'm right in the right spot,
and there's no polyp in here.
I'm right there.
I'm right in the neighborhood.
I'm knocking...
...but no one's home.
Jesus!
What the fuck?
I-I-I honestly,
I didn't know where else to go.
I mean, it was just
a weird night.
I mean,
I had this horrible dream.
And the guy I work with
was killed by a rabid raccoon.
- What?
- And then the night before,
I woke up in the bathroom.
I woke up in the bathroom,
and I didn't know what happened.
What do you want me to do?
I want you to hypnotize me.
Fantastic.
In your own time,
please tell me...
...what you see.
I'm standing in front
of an office building.
It's where I work.
Can you tell me about your work?
It's a financial services company.
It's not very fulfilling.
Lately, it's been stressful.
Very...
Very stressful.
Are you alone?
No. I'm with my mother.
And where is your father?
My father's not there.
Why?
My parents divorced
when I was eight.
Abandonment issues.
- Shut up!
- Abandonment issues.
I'll clip your wings.
Go on.
Sarah?
And Sarah's there?
She's right over there.
On the grass.
And what does Sarah want?
I know what she wants.
She wants a family.
And I just don't know if I...
...if I'll ever be a good...
good dad.
I know, I know, I know
it will make you happy.
But I don't... I just want to wait
to have a kid.
My mother hired
this asshole fertility doctor.
Oh, my God!
Wow.
Hey-hey-hey!
Just hold it right there.
Stay right there.
Stay right there, you hear me?
Whoa!
No! No! No! No!
Mr. Hayslip.
I'm going to count
from three down to one.
And when I reach one,
you're gonna wake up.
Do you understand?
Three, two...
Get off!
One!
What is that?!
He's gone.
It just went out the window.
Wow.
How's your ass?
This might help.
And this.
I should've spotted it
when you first walked in.
- My life is over.
- It's in the eyes.
Always in the eyes.
Sorry.
What the fuck are
you talking about?
It's not in the eyes.
That thing came out of my ass.
- It was ins...
- Shh.
What do we do?
Just wait. Wait.
Wait, what?
For what?
For somebody to snap
their fingers and wake me up?
Cause my life is over.
Did I mention that my life is over?
I'm gonna just go home to my wife.
And... Oh, my God, Sarah.
Hey, Sarah, I'm home. Guess what?
I have an alien in my ass.
There is this ancient myth
surrounding the anus.
Here it is. Look at this.
The myth of our anus.
You see, before religion became
the primary focus of our society,
there was a beautiful time
where mythology
and legends filled our beings.
What does this have
to do with me?
Listen, I believe
that this very same creature
came out of your anus
and attacked your co-worker.
- Alistair?
- Precisely.
When you're pushed into a corner
by someone,
this creature comes out
and attacks that someone.
In this case, it was me.
Look here.
My ass, I got bitten.
What if I have more
inside of me?
Well, if that's the case,
we have to kill this thing.
No, no, no.
You're missing the point.
This thing is a part of you.
Don't you understand?
It's your subconscious.
It's your raw desires.
No, I didn't mean to hurt Alistair.
I don't want to hurt anybody.
We're still apes, Hayslip.
Don't you understand?
Maybe you didn't want
to hurt him in here.
But I think you wanted
to hurt him in here.
And in here.
If you kill it, you're gonna kill
a very important part of yourself.
You see,
that fear, worry and anger
are essential to the
human beings
as long as we can control them
and use them to our advantage.
My mentor always told me,
"Stop carrying the horse
on your shoulders.
Put him between your legs,
and ride him!"
What are you...
What are you talking about?
It's a metaphor.
I had a monster up my ass!
This is the furthest thing
from a metaphor!
Listen! if you kill it,
it would be just like
giving yourself a lobotomy.
You would become a zombie.
Not a good idea.
This creature is a physical
manifestation of your dark side.
- What?
- You gotta accept this.
Accept it.
Take it to yourself.
Bond with it.
That's your only way
to control it.
But listen to me,
the most important thing now,
when it returns,
and it will return,
It will try to get
- back inside of you.
- What? What?
- What?
- Yeah.
It will try to get inside of you.
- No. No.
- Of course.
Before it does,
you have to bond with it.
Okay?
All right, let me
get this straight.
- Hmm?
- You want me to bond with it?
And if I do, you're saying
there's a very good chance
that it won't hurt anybody else?
Hopefully.
So now what?
We wait.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Oh... Oh, God.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, wow.
They teach you that
in medical school?
- Sort of.
- Hmm.
So, uh, my turn now?
Oh. I don't do that.
You're being serious?
Yes. But you got my number.
So call me.
All right, Larry.
It's just us out here.
Here we go.
Focus.
Brittany?
Change your mind?
Hello?
Brittany?
Don't be a little bitch.
Oh, no.
Hayslip! Hayslip.
Hayslip. Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up!
Hey! Hey!
- What?
- There.
- What?
- There. It's back.
W-w-what do you want me to do?
- Go over there.
- No.
No, it belongs to you.
Please, please.
Remember.
Bond with it.
Okay, okay, okay.
Just give me a...
- Shh.
- Time...
Keep your voice down.
Careful. Careful.
If this thing comes at me,
I want you to hit it with a chair.
No, no, it won't attack you.
He's a part of you.
Hey. Hey! boy.
It's bleeding.
I think it might be hurt.
Bond with it.
Hey...
...Milo.
Milo?
- Sarah likes that name.
- I had a much better name.
You scared?
You look scared.
Yeah, I'm scared, too.
Let him back home.
You know, he wants to come home.
Yeah, I-I-I can't.
I can't.
Well, somehow, he slipped
his way out of you.
I'm sure he knows how to
slip into you again.
Don't you think?
It's too fucking big.
Please don't cuss
in front of him.
Come on, it's too big.
Big, fat babies
come out of tiny vaginae.
Maybe your anus
is just like a vagina.
Come on, Milo.
Come on home.
Door's open.
Okay, come on.
Nails, nails, nails, nails.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Good.
Good.
God!
Duncan, breathe, breathe.
- I'm trying to breathe.
- Good.
It's very difficult.
Don't push. Don't push.
I'm not doing anything.
Let it... Uh-uh.
Yes. Oh.
Wow...
He's up there.
It was beautiful.
Yeah, and humiliating.
You have to learn
one thing now.
To control Milo.
You get stressed out,
Milo comes,
and ruins somebody's day.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
From now on,
you gotta learn to breathe.
Relax.
Now if you feel
an episode coming on,
try some yoga or green tea.
But nothing mind altering.
No drugs. No alcohol.
And absolutely no dairy.
And you can call me anytime.
I'm there for you.
Breathe, breathe.
This thing
is a part of you.
If you kill it, it would be
like giving yourself
a lobotomy.
You would become a zombie.
You've gotta learn to breathe.
Relax.
Relax.
Oh, shit!
- Duncan.
- Oh, good morning.
Any idea why Eric Paulson
would've made six
frantic phone calls before 9 am?
What?
He wants to know why his account
has been zeroed out.
Wait, back up.
Who did what to who and what?
Yeah, zero.
Gone.
- What?
- Yeah.
What? Huh.
All right, slow down.
What happened?
I don't know, I don't know.
I mean, I looked at his accounts,
and it looks like his holdings
have been sold,
and then everything was just
dumped into tectonic pipelines.
- Tectonic is junk.
- No, I know.
I haven't spoken to
him in two weeks.
I mean everything was
fine a few days ago.
Duncan, this is your account.
It's your responsibility.
I know, of course.
Of course. I know. I-I...
Okay, hold on.
Just hold on.
Let's think about this
for a second.
Okay,
I want you to clip into
our employee pension fund,
and cover the Paulson losses.
What?
We gotta borrow from Peter
to pay Paulson.
Unless you got a better idea.
Right, that doesn't...
I can't-l can't transfer accounts
because that's highly illegal.
No, this is your account, Duncan.
It was your responsibility
to maintain it,
and, uh, something happened,
that happened on your watch.
Yeah... Yeah.
Good.
Keep it under your hat,
and we'll be all right.
Okay.
Hey. Team player.
Yeah. Team player.
- Hey.
- Hayslip.
Have you seen the news?
It's all over the television.
Milo's making a name for himself.
Oh, no.
Get over to my office quick.
We gotta take decisive action
before Milo strikes again.
Oh, boy. Oh, this is bad.
Oh, this is so bad.
This is so bad.
I mean, I don't want to hurt anybody.
I didn't want to hurt anybody.
I mean, the guy was a dick.
Yeah, sure, but I wouldn't...
I didn't want him to die.
I don't want that.
Events are moving fast,
and we're way behind.
Oh, this is bad.
We usually wait until remains
are more private.
But I'm left no choice.
I have to break out
the big guns.
We're talking about sock puppets.
No. No, no, no, no.
They are real people now.
Maybe you and I
are sock puppets to them.
Right.
Hey, honey.
So, what's for dinner?
Kung pao chicken.
But that upsets my stomach.
Well, we have tons of leftovers,
so take it or leave it.
You got her, didn't you?
Yeah, sometimes...
sometimes it, you know, because...
- You can tell her.
- She's insensitive to my feelings.
But why do you keep it inside?
It's better to tell her.
- Okay.
- Don't turn your back.
- No.
- Keep it inside.
Yeah. You know, honey,
it's just my stomach,
I have a very sensitive stomach.
Oh, again with your
goddamn stomach.
Hey, knock it off, all right?
Again with your
stupid, stupid voice.
Hey, I hate you, Dad.
I hate you!
Shut up and eat
your goddamn dinner, son!
Hold it.
Oh... my... God.
Did you hear what you just said?
You said "Dad."
No, no, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Where's your dad?
Where's your dad right now?
I-I-I have no idea. I mean...
Last I heard, he lives in a shack.
Kind of off the grid.
Listen to me.
Your fears and all the anxiety
even this Milo...
...they all share a nexus.
Rooted with your father.
You have to find him.
She had scratches
all over her body,
and had to be rushed
to the hospital.
She spoke to Peter Brookings
about her frightening experience.
Peter, you don't hear a lot
about raccoon attacks.
In fact, I can't ever
think of one this serious.
Dad?
Dad?
Hello?
My body is clean.
My mind is clean.
I am beautiful.
Inside and out.
My body is a temple,
and I keep my temple clean.
I sweep the floors
of my temple.
I shower my mind.
Dad?
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing in there?
Meditating.
Dad. Wait a second.
Dad? Dad!
Dad, I need to talk to you
about something.
Something that's...
...been happening.
Uh... I don't do that.
You don't do what?
I don't analyze,
I don't project.
There's only...
the now.
Well, what I need to talk
to you about is happening now.
No. You're here to lay blame.
You did it last time we talked,
but the past has no audience
with me. This is it, son.
No, this isn't it, Dad.
This isn't it.
There's some stuff that happened
before the now.
The fact that you haven't remembered
my birthday since I was 10.
Huh. Well.
Or the fact that you don't
remember my wife's name.
Do you remember
my wife's name?
- Grace.
- No.
Do you even...
think about me?
Do you wonder if I'm okay?
I don't know,
you seem okay.
I mean, nobody's stabbing you
in the eye with a fork right now.
- Not that I can see.
- Shit's fucked up right now, Dad.
Shit is as fucked up
as you allow it to be.
Namaste.
Oh, that's great sound advice.
Great.
No, I'll take that
from my pretentious,
loser, pothead dad
who doesn't give a shit
about anybody but himself.
I take this as prescribed.
Yeah, why don't you go
medicate some more.
Just hold that thought.
Hold...
Okay, I'm letting you out,
I'm letting you out.
But we're gonna talk.
We're gonna talk, okay?
Oh!
Oh, shit. Oh...
Come on, I let you out.
I let you out.
So let's...
let's talk about this, okay?
I don't want you to kill my dad.
I don't want that.
Don't... No, no, no, no, no.
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Stop it. No!
No! Bad! Bad Milo!
Shit! Get off me!
Get off! Get off!
Stop it! I know!
I know he's a dick.
I know, I know.
He's wrong.
But please, don't...
eat my father.
No matter how I'm feeling.
Are you hungry? Huh?
Are you hungry?
I don't have anything here.
But I have something at the office.
I have a lot of food at the office.
So why don't you crawl...
crawl back inside me.
Crawl back inside.
Good bay. Good Milo.
Wow.
Stomach flu?
Yeah.
Well, I hope you're not relying
on Western medicine to cure you.
Listen, Dad.
I'm sort of doing this...
therapy thing.
And I'm seeing this guy,
and it's actually been helping.
And could... Would you just
listen to me for a second?
I think that maybe
if you and I went in,
and we talked to him together,
that maybe we
can deal with this.
I can't.
I'm sorry, Duncan.
I just... I can't. I... can't.
- You can't.
- Yeah.
I can't tell you anything else.
That's-that's the size of it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Maybe I expected too much.
Yeah. I guess you did.
What's that smell?
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, food.
Food, it's coming, just knock...
Food, food.
Motherfucker.
Yeah.
I'm sorry... about this.
Here it is, a little mousey.
Come on.
It's good eats.
It's a good source of protein.
Come on, Milo.
Just grab it.
Duncan, you better
get out here.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Look at you.
You're a mess.
What happened to you?
Oh...
- Is that poop on your shirt?
- It's a stomach flu.
Uh-huh. Well, there's
federal agents out here.
- It's looking pretty serious.
- What's that?
We got federal agents.
Come on.
All right, yeah. I'll be right
behind you. I'm coming out.
Button your pants.
Do not shut down your computer.
Do not touch anything.
These documents are now the property
of the U.S. government.
Ma'am, please step away
from your desk.
Sir, do nut turn off
your computer.
Step away from
your desk, please.
- What's going on?
- I don't know what's going on.
Make sure
you get a head count.
Where's Phil?
Please step away
from your desk, sir.
Phil, Phil, Phil!
What the hell's going
on out there?
Uh, that? Uh, government seizure
of institutional assets,
freezing of accounts.
That sort of thing.
No, no, no.
I can see that.
Why?
Shit, Duncan, don't worry about it.
It doesn't concern you anymore.
No, no, what about
our investments?
Our employee investments.
Our retirement accounts.
God, I hate to be the
one to break it to you,
but I think those accounts are
probably all zeroed out by now.
It sucks. I know.
You were talking about
upper management.
You were talking
all that stuff about
employees being our clients.
You were saying those things.
What about your money?
What about your money?
Come on, D. You don't think
I was stupid enough to invest here.
Fuck no. I'm good.
You... You got no poker face.
You're a pussy.
In this world of ours,
pussies don't excel.
If you want to survive, you gotta
take a dump on your enemies,
or else you're the one
eating the shit sandwich.
Now if you will please
remove your hand.
Hey, Phil.
What the fuck is that?
Fuck you, Phil.
911.
What's your emergency?
H-h-hello.
I'd like to report a...
Another raccoon attack.
Duncan?
- Are you okay? What happened?
- Oh, my God, Sarah.
Oh, my God.
The FBI, uh...
What do you mean the FBI?
What are... What's going on?
These guys came.
These FBI guys came into
the, uh, office,
and they said everything was
the property of the government's.
Oh, my God.
Phil said that all
our accounts are gone.
What do you mean
all the accounts are gone?
Everything.
He stole everything.
- We have no savings.
- Oh, my God.
It's all gone...
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, Duncan.
- I know. I know, I know.
I'm pregnant.
Duncan. Duncan.
I'm pregnant.
Since when?
Just... I just found out.
I was feeling...
I was feeling weird, and I missed
my period, so I-I took a test.
Why-why didn't you...
Why didn't you tell me this?
- I just told you. I just...
- Why didn't you tell me before?
I just found out, Duncan.
I just took the test.
No. We said we were gonna wait.
We said we were gonna wait.
Did you plan this?
I mean, did you do this on...
Did you do this on purpose?
Can you hear yourself right now?
Did I do this on purpose?
No, I didn't do this on purpose.
I wouldn't trick you.
I don't know how it happened.
I'm on the pill,
but I-l don't know,
but I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm just having
a really, really, really
really, really bad day.
Okay. I need you right now.
So please tell me that
everything is gonna be okay.
Yeah, everything is gonna
be fine, baby.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- Oh, God!
- Are you sick?
Do I need to call a doctor?
I'm fine.
I'm perfectly fine.
I'm just gonna live in the now.
Right in the now.
No, I don't need anything.
I don't need work,
and I don't need this house,
and I...
Duncan.
So, um, you know,
I can just walk away and...
In fact, that's what I'm gonna do
because it's safer for you.
Duncan, I need you.
Don't walk away from me.
I just, I have to rise
above it, you know,
and I can't deal with this.
I can't deal with this anymore.
So, um...
Duncan, where are you going?
Duncan!
Come on.
It's okay. Okay.
It's just you and me, buddy.
It's just you and me.
Housekeeping!
No, no, no, no.
No, no, we're...
No, we're good. Thank you.
No. Don't even think about it.
I will shove you
right back up my ass.
- No!
- Yeah.
Please don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me
when I'm angry.
Eat it.
...may have entered
through the ventilation system
which runs around the building.
Security guards have been placed
on ready alert.
Mothers and daughters
have been notified.
I don't love you anymore.
- Don't you understand that?
- Look me in the eyes.
Look me in the eyes
when you say that.
Milo.
Dick move.
Dick move, Milo.
Duncan, where are you?
Are you coming to
your parents' party tonight?
I really wish that you would
talk to me.
I've left you so
many messages.
I'll be at your parents' party
if you want to talk.
Hey, Dad.
Um, I'm in trouble.
I know, I know.
I promise I will leave you alone.
Just do this one thing for me.
Just this one thing.
We're here today to put to rest
some of the issues
that have plagued Duncan
since you, let's say,
parted from him.
Uh-uh, I don't...
I don't agree with this.
I shouldn't be here.
I should be living in the now.
Not wasting it on the was.
Well, Roger,
since you are here, now...
- Oh, yes.
- Is it okay if Duncan can start?
Please.
Sure.
Why?
Thank you. I told you
I don't do this.
You don't do what?
I mean, why are you here?
If you don't do it,
why are you here?
I'm here because you
asked me to be here.
And if you want to...
You want to know why
things turned
out like they did.
Did it for your own good.
I was never, ever, ever
gonna be a good dad.
You didn't even try.
You didn't even try.
You don't know all the ways
that I might have
let you down if I'd stayed.
You don't... Your mother.
She was good.
She was a good woman.
In spite of a few things, but, uh,
if anyone was gonna raise you right,
- it was gonna be her.
- Yeah, but I needed a dad.
Okay?
I could've used you.
I needed you.
I needed you, Roger.
One step at a time.
- It's fine. I got it.
- Yeah.
I needed you.
- Oh, no.
- Breathe. Breathe.
No! no, no, no.
No, Milo, no!
- No, Milo.
- Control it. Control it.
Hold it back.
- Breathe.
- No!
Dad!
Oh, no.
Please, no.
Please, please.
Jesus.
Oh, shit.
No!
Ralph! Ralph!
No. No, Ralph.
- Ralph?
- Ralph?
Milo, Milo, Milo, no!
No!
Duncan!
Duncan, tell him to stop!
He's, he's...
Hey-hey-hey!
Ow!
Milo! Milo, stop it!
Dad!
Oh, sun, I'm sorry.
I'm-I'm sorry I wasn't
there for you.
- Milo, stop it!
- I made a mistake.
No, Dad.
Dad, Dad, Dad, it's okay.
I should've been there to help you,
and I wasn't there.
No, no, no, no.
I know you think your life's
falling apart, but it isn't.
No, no, Dad. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
Milo!
Sarah. Sarah's pregnant.
That's good.
- Sarah's pregnant?
- Yeah.
I understand all of this.
- I do.
- Dad?
Dad.
Oh, shit.
Sarah.
- He's going after Sarah.
- I'll take care of him. Go!
Go to her.
Go to her, go.
Go to Sarah.
I'll take care of him.
Just go.
Go! Go!
Milo!
Oh.
Milo, you little fucker.
Be a doctor, but I always
liked cell phones, you know?
He didn't invest, and now I'm
making more than him.
- Mmm.
- Every year.
Just don't worry
about Duncan and the baby.
He'll get used to the idea.
He's gonna come around.
He's an only child. He's not
used to other kids around.
Hi, it's Sarah.
Leave me a message,
- and I'll call you back.
- Shit!
Ma, pick up the phone.
Everybody's changing
and adjusting,
and it's gonna take
a little while.
That's all.
Oh, speaking of the devil.
It's Duncan's phone.
Hi, sweetie.
Hello? Hello?
Help!
Fuck!
Probably a butt call.
- What... Did he say anything?
- No.
Butt call.
You're in the middle
of the road, jackass!
Sarah? Sarah!
Oh, my God, Duncan.
What happened to you?
Good. You're okay.
- Oh!
- Go down to the basement.
- Right now.
- What?
No, you can't just
come in here
and order me around
after what you did.
Honey, you're bleeding.
What happened?
Please, just do what I said.
Just go down to the basement
and lock the door.
- Just lock the door.
- It's cluttered down there.
I wouldn't go there.
- What is it?
- Shit!
- Oh, my God! What is that?
- Go now! Do it!
Do it, go!
Go! Go!
Bobby!
Quick, everybody!
Get away from the house.
Another raccoon attack?
No, honey.
This isn't a raccoon.
Sarah?
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
Hurry!
Oh, my God.
What is it? What is it?
Oh.
Oh.
Fuck!
Goddamn it!
Fuck!
Milo! Stop it!
Did you leave the TV on?
No.
It's not the TV.
Should we be worried?
I'm worried.
Oh. Oh, quick,
grab a tiki torch!
Okay, okay. Tiki, tiki.
Come on out here!
Just come out, you chicken!
I don't think it's a chicken.
No!
Milo! Milo! Stop!
She's gene.
She's not here.
She's not here.
You're not gonna find her.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
A lot of people
leave things behind
when-when-when
they leave in a hurry.
I do it all the time.
L-I leave my wallet home
all the time, if I'm in a rush.
- Duncan, is everything okay?
- Huh? A-ha.
Uh...
Stop. Okay?
Because I will jab this
in your fucking eye.
And I don't want to.
I'm not gonna let you hurt her.
All right?
No, no, Milo.
It's not gonna happen.
Do you understand?
Why don't you just...
Why don't you just come back home.
I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Why don't we just go back...
Why don't we go back
to the way things used to be?
Okay? What do you say, pal?
Come on.
Milo?
No! Milo!
Shit!
Sarah!
- Oh, Duncan!
- Open the door!
Oh! Oh, my Gad!
Sarah!
Open the door!
I can't!
Stay away from her, Milo!
Who's Milo?
Uh, it's-it's a thing
that's living up my ass.
- What?
- Never mind. it doesn't matter.
- Duncan!
- I'm coming!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- I'm coming!
No! No!
Oh, my God!
- Duncan!
- Sarah, I'm coming!
- I'm coming, Sarah!
- Duncan!
Duncan! Help!
Don't you hurt her!
- Sarah, open the door!
- I can't.
Sarah!
I'm coming, Sarah!
I'm coming, baby!
Milo, get away from her!
I'm coming!
Milo! Get away from her!
Sarah, wake up!
Wake up!
Sarah, run!
Sarah, run!
Sarah! Get behind me!
Get behind me! Get behind me!
Oh, honey. Look at you.
Are you okay?
I don't know.
I think so.
Duncan is still down there.
He's fighting it.
Milo!
Stay back! Stay back!
Oh, my God.
What is that?
Kill it with fire.
Put the fire in the face!
Put the fire in the face!
- Milo!
- Duncan!
Get away from my wife!
Get away from my baby!
I'm not my...
I'm not my father.
I'm gonna be sick.
Honey, honey.
Are you all right?
I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
I'm okay. Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
- Is the baby okay?
- It's okay.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's okay. It's okay.
It's all right.
You matter and I'm here with you.
Oh, wow.
I fucked you up.
It's okay, you're
gonna be all right.
I'm sorry.
Can I borrow that?
Your scarf?
Thank you.
I'll just wrap you up.
I'm gonna wrap you up, okay?
Is it better?
Da-da.
What the hell?
That's his father?
It's okay.
Yeah. I know, you were just doing
that for me. I know.
I'll get you inside, okay?
It's all right.
It's gonna be ok now.
Hey, everybody.
How's the... How's the party?
Honey, I'm so sorry I didn't
tell you about this.
L-I just figured it would end
with your dad.
You knew?
Ish. I mean, I knew
it happened to him,
but I-l didn't know
it happened to you.
- It was hereditary or anything...
- She knew.
I thought, you know,
the stomach issues,
I don't know, honey.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
It's okay, Mom.
It's fine. We're gonna use
your bathroom.
Okay.
Probably not gonna
clean it up.
Okay.
Oh.
Okay.
It's a very long story
which I'm happy to tell you
all about.
Um, but first,
who would like a drink?
Good.
Okay, be right back.
Do I really have to put it
back inside you?
Yeah. He's...
He's part of me.
He's not gonna try
and hurt you?
No.
He's all right now.
Okay.
Okay.
How is this gonna work?
I mean how-how is he gonna fit?
Oh, it'll...
It'll work, trust me.
There you go.
Are you like turning him?
I... He's kind of
turning on his own.
Okay, that's his thing.
He's probably mad.
I just gotta get him
that last half inch...
- ...in there.
- One, two and three.
I'll loosen up.
Yep. That's it. He's up.
He's up there.
Okay.
Thanks.
- Thank you.
- I love you.
I love you, too.
You know what
I'm gonna do?
I want to take a moment
and talk about family.
Ooh!
You have a wife,
you have a husband.
And you want the best for them.
You want to take a risk
with that person.
You're in it together.
Whether you're buying a car
or a house,
or starting a family.
We need to bring honesty.
We need to bring courage,
to our business relationships,
and to our...
personal relationships.
And not one of us
does it alone.
We draw upon our resources.
Upon our friends.
Upon our colleagues.
We're a team.
Oh, my goodness!
I want to know what's
going on with you.
What's going on inside of you.
That's important to me.
Because we all have
difficulties, trials.
Tribulations.
Even demons we struggle
with on a daily basis.
Oh, honey.
Honey.
No one should suffer alone.
Blessed by the monk.
We're here for each other.
We're like family.
Here's one for you.
And that's what I want
for this company.
That's how I want this
company to be run.
Nobody knows what
the future has in store.
But I do know this.
Whatever problems do come up,
we'll get through it.
Together.
Ask me about my stomach
in baby talk.
No.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Action.
Dunkie, having some belly troubles?
- Okay. We got it.
- Good, good.
Dunkie.
Having some belly troubles?
Are you talking baby talk to me?
These are standard
family dynamics.
- What is?
- These are standard family dynamics.
- What is?
- The patriarch reserves the right
- to use baby talk.
- I can't imagine that's true.
Mom, is it fair to
say that, uh...
We can just make a rule,
a house rule,
- no baby talk at the table?
- Patriarch has veto power.
- Patriarch has veto power.
- Let's just give him that, ok.
Let-let's...
I don't want to...
Married troubles.
I just wanted one more.
- You did another one.
- Just one more.
Is it top or the bottom,
or they happen at the same time?
- Is it the barf and squat?
- Oh, uh, yeah.
Sometimes it's double barrel.
Good news. Uh, a silver lining,
on this crap cloud,
is that this is largely,
uh, preventable.
Accept it.
Take it to your heart.
Try to find a name for it.
You want me to name it?
I've got a few names I could suggest
if you wouldn't mind.
- First of all, on a...
- No. No.
No.
No, never mind.
What was the name
that you were gonna suggest?
- It started with an "L"?
- Alamosh Landau.
One of the greatest philosophers.
I admire him.
And that's what you
wanted me to name it?
Well, let's go to
Bartholomeum.
I'm sorry.
You stay away from Thailand.
You don't go Thailand.
You stay way. Too spicy mint leaf.
No good for you.
Hey. Don't go down.
Don't go down
to Guadalajara, fucker.
Too spicy for you there.
Fucking right?
Stay with Russian, Polish,
cabbages, potatoes.
But it's not going to make
your beast, your belly beast,
any bigger. It's gonna keep it
trimmed down to size.
And no booze.
No booze.
He's right. You know, I mean,
we don't have that problem.
- No.
- We have the opposite problem.
We have to really take it slow.
We have the Just The Tip Tuesdays.
Slowly Work It In Wednesdays.
- Full Thrust Thursdays.
- I-I...
of course, that was
in the beginning, now every day.
Saturday, Monday.
Not Sunday.
That's the Lord's day.
I'm joking.
Full Thrust Sundays.
And now it's not a problem,
I mean...
...now you can hang
up posters in there.
Listen to me.
Tuna, chicken, or meat.
- Organic.
- I just want to get it right.
- The green sign.
- Listen.
For me, I just don't want him
coming out again.
So I want to get it right.
Yeah. You can put a cork there.
A big one.
It's gonna have to be
a pretty big cork.
Yeah. Okay, session's over.
Got a new patient coming in.
Ah, great.
How you gonna explain
all of this?
Oh, uh, they've seen it all.
Really not my problem,
I guess.