Okay.
Let's do this.
Oh.
We have a winner.
Monica, it's prom!
How can you still be in bed?
I know, I was up till
2:30 doing my hair poll.
Which style won?
The side-do.
I knew it!
All is right with my universe.
I'm tracking way ahead in
the prom queen election.
And everything's set.
Date. Dress. Shoes.
And as of last night, hair.
What? What is it?
How did this happen?
It was fine when I went to bed!
It's like...
all crispy.
Okay. Bacon-crispy?
Or dried-leaf-crispy?
I just broke it.
I just broke off a piece of my hair.
So, bacon-crispy.
Hold on.
Do not add heat or curl.
Do not mix with other products.
Do not leave on overnight.
I did all of these things!
Okay. How many products did you use?
The site was getting all this traffic,
so I just kept trying new styles.
My dress, my dress, my dress,
with the one that got the
most votes ever last week...
The one that was like, plastic?
It's like melted.
What the...?
Everyone voted for the little ones.
So I put them in these
shoe expander things.
Think, Monica, think.
These are just material objects.
They can be repaired.
I just need to do a little bit of research.
Okay.
What? No!
This is impossible.
What? What now?
The prom queen election
tracking software I made,
I'm now in a dead heat
with Ashley Mendlebach.
If she wins, evil will triumph.
Our school will be plunged
into eternal darkness.
This day cannot possibly get worse.
Stay on the line.
Hello?
Hello. Monica Reeves?
Speaking...?
This is the Department of Motor Vehicles
calling to schedule your driver's test.
Yes! Finally!
Our first available is April 11th...
That was 2 weeks ago.
Of next year.
Next year?
Are you kidding me?
Budget cuts.
Well, but... I'll be in college next year.
I have to get my license this summer!
Don't you have anything sooner?
I have 2 p.m. today.
Can you do 2 p.m. today?
'Cause nobody else can.
Apparently, it's prom or something.
No. Not today.
I can't do today.
Next year it is then.
Fine. I'll take today.
Just show up 10 minutes before
your scheduled appointment.
Bye-bye.
Yeah. Now I have to take
my driver's test today too.
I have to figure all this out.
- I'll call you back.
- 'K bye.
What do you mean, you
can't? You're my boyfriend.
And this constitutes
emergency boyfriend duty.
I just need a ride! The
salon, some shops, the DMV...
I'm volunteering at the group home and
the orphans, babe, they count on me.
So just call a taxi.
But that would cost like $200.
I barely have enough to
cover my salon appointment.
You'll figure it out.
You always do.
I'll see you tonight, okay?
I'm super-stoked.
Me too.
Stoked...
super-ly.
Morning, honey.
Look, I'm a tech nerd too.
I finally figured out that
picture posting stuff you do.
I put up a shot of me at the hospital.
You can re-twit it to all your peoples.
Whoa!
New hairstyle.
Love it.
Not intentional, Dad.
My universe has been destroyed.
Everything I've set for prom is ruined.
My hair's crispy.
My dress is melted.
My shoes have exploded...
Don't worry.
We'll work something out.
I'll call in sick.
Wait, aren't you working at the ER today?
Yeah. So...
You can't call in sick.
You're a nurse.
People are counting on you
to be, you know, kept alive.
I'll be okay. You sure?
Yeah! I'm sure.
High five.
I don't want to push you.
But it is the week, so you
have to make a choice.
I get why you're leaning towards State.
I went to State.
It's a fine school.
A fun school.
But you've been given...
A once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
I know.
Can we, maybe, talk about this later?
Yeah. If you need anything today
just call me up or, yo, text me up.
Just text. No up.
No up.
No up.
Dad, is this a bedpan?
Pretty dope, huh?
It's hopeless. I'm stranded here.
Okay. I can try and pick
you up on my ten-speed.
Yeah.
That's a terrible idea.
Yeah.
Okay. What is that?
Oh.
This, I found it in a pawn shop actually.
13 bucks.
Pretty awesome, eh?
It's the one part of my
outfit that isn't ruined.
Did you ever have people vote on it?
No. I actually just really liked it.
What? Do you not like it?
Who's that?
I don't know.
I'll call you later.
Okay, bye.
Come on.
Good morning.
Good morning.
I'm Officer Liz McRogersburger.
FBI, Special Criminal Investigation Unit.
Dayton County Bureau.
Is this about the Gottlieb twins blowing
up the Abrahamians' lawn gnome?
Because I told Mrs. Abrahamian
I did not see anything.
No, no, no, this has
nothing to do with Abraham
or his decorative gardenware, ma'am.
I just need to ask you a few questions
and then I'll be out of your... hair.
Stay here.
Well, I...
You're with the FBI?
That's right.
The American FBI?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is my Russian accent throwing you off?
Yes, yes, it would be the American FBI.
Can I please come in?
Oh, do you have a warrant?
Not technically...
Then no.
Okay, wow.
You're cautious.
I respect that.
Okay, let's get to work.
Tell me what you know about this.
Never seen it before.
I'm gonna need you to think harder.
You see, it's a felony
to lie to a federal agent.
Actually, it's not.
It's only a crime to lie
under oath in a court of law.
Lying to a federal officer? Just impolite.
Also, you're not a federal officer.
Yes, I am. I'm with the FBI.
Right. What bureau again?
Oh, Dayton County? Dayton County, yes.
Yeah, see, I'm on the
FBI website. I see that.
And there is no bureau in Dayton County.
There is, you're just
looking in the wrong place.
Let me see your badge again.
Okay.
Okay, I'm not with the FBI.
Cool, cool.
So, would you like to
tell me who you really are,
you know, before I call
the real authorities?
'Cause, see...
impersonating a federal officer?
That is a felony.
Okay, here's the deal.
I'm a private investigator.
And I'm working for a client who
would like to remain anonymous.
They're looking for this necklace.
And they're willing to
pay a considerable reward.
Is that your car?
Yeah.
Pretty sweet, eh?
Sweet. Sure.
Come in.
What, now you are letting me in?
You're like 5'1". What
could you possible do?
Hey, I'm five...
Okay, you know what,
let's not squabble over
little details, okay?
Little, indeed.
You're one to talk.
That extra inch you've got
on me is really intimidating.
No one cuts a hedge
like you, Mr. Nedermeyer.
You know, you should
upgrade your alarm system.
Yeah, you can neutralize
that particular console
with a pipe cleaner and a cell phone.
Let's hope we're not robbed by any third
graders coming from arts and crafts.
Lovely home.
Rugged.
Good use of brown.
My Dad picked it.
You want something to drink?
Yeah, water.
Tap.
No ice.
So...
this necklace it's valuable?
No. No.
It's just costume jewelry.
But it has sentimental value.
Ah, okay. Yeah.
When was the last time you saw it?
What makes you think I've seen it?
I've been at this game a long time.
What game?
The crime game.
So this is about a crime?
I didn't say that.
You implied it.
I don't think I did.
Look, no offense, but if you
really are a private investigator,
you're a pretty terrible one.
How long have I been in your house?
I don't know.
Thirty seconds? Thirty seconds.
Thirty seconds and here's
what I've learned about you.
Okay, you're a high school senior.
You're allergic to nickel.
You're young for your class.
You're dating a jock-politician
who's popular but soulless.
You live alone with Dad, no siblings,
because Mom left, when you were very young.
How'd I do?
How did you...?
Your class ring is from this year.
It's pewter, not gold, so, no nickel.
And on the mantel is
your middle school diploma
from 3 years ago, so you skipped a year.
And then there on the fridge
is this cute little picture of you and
Mr. Wonderful, eleven cause ribbons.
Enough said.
Now, onto the color brown.
Color clearly chosen by a man who had
absolutely no input from his wife.
And since I can't see a single
picture of a mom anywhere,
I'm guessing she left a long time ago,
and you guys are not happy about it.
The only thing that I can't figure out
is what the heck is
going on with your hair.
Well, you're wrong about my boyfriend.
He's not soulless. Oh, he's not.
He helps orphans. He helps orphans.
He helps orphans.
Oh, my gosh, I didn't know that.
He does.
We can go back and forth like this all
day or you can give me the necklace
and I can arrange for you to get a reward.
Well, I don't have the
necklace. Yes, you do.
I know you got it at a pawn
shop couple of weeks ago.
How could you possibly know that?
Because the owner showed
me the credit card record.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
He fell for the FBI thing.
All 5'1" of it.
Wait here.
Mm-hmm.
Eleven cause ribbons.
I don't think so.
Mmm.
Dippy eggs.
Oh.
Is everything okay?
No, no. It's good. It's good.
It's just that you know,
I really am... I'm just...
I'm just...
This brown is really,
it's really growing on me.
Here's the deal.
I know where your necklace is.
But I don't want a reward, I want a ride.
What? Today's my prom.
I've suffered some logistical setbacks.
I need four things. Hair, dress, shoes,
and I have to take my driver's test today.
Today? Long story.
I'll get you your necklace.
But you need to drive
me to these places first.
No, no... It'll
only be a few hours.
And then we both get what we want.
Fine.
You may want to put a hat on that first.
Hello?
Hello!
Hello!
Forgive the dramatic entrance,
but I'm in a bit of a rush.
I'm looking for a certain necklace.
A ne... a
necklace?
What is all this stuff? Nothing.
It doesn't look like nothing.
It looks like some highly illegal
aftermarket surveillance gear.
That's a high-frequency
radar jammer, right?
That's like, police-level.
Though you may want to tune to the
KA band to decrease frequency noise.
You're pretty savvy for someone
who can't use a curling iron.
Is that a gun? No, no.
That is not...
That's not, okay.
That is a non-lethal high
voltage stunning apparatus.
Sweet. No, it's not sweet.
It is very unsweet, okay?
That thing can drop an elephant at 25 feet.
What's with the red button?
Don't touch the red button.
But I want to touch the red button.
Haven't you seen movies, okay?
Nothing good ever comes out of it
when someone touches the red button.
So...
did this bucket of bolts used
to be a cab or something?
What? Okay, so.
Brando is a custom
super-charged in-line
eight police-caliber powerhouse, okay.
He has bulletproof glass.
That's right. That's right.
Sixteen-channel
emergency-band radio
and right there is built in video
surveillance panel, seat warmers.
Ooh.
"Brando?"
Your car has a name.
Yeah. After Marlon Brando.
The most famous actor of
our time, Marlon Brando.
Nothing... See, that
is amazing to me.
I don't understand that. I don't.
Why can't I get a signal?
Because Brando, he's got magnetic
shielding, jams infrared.
I can't get a signal in this thing?
No.
But I've been, like, offline for 6 minutes.
Tonight's my prom and I'm
running for prom queen.
Do you know how much I've already missed?
How many posts? Status updates?
Emails? Good.
I don't trust that stuff.
It's bad news, it's a way
for people to track you
and know exactly where you are.
But I want people to know where I am.
Yeah, we actually have apps for that.
Pal Spotter.
Pal Spotter. Yeah.
It lets people know where
everyone is, at every second.
That is terrifying to me, right.
Okay, here's what you
need, here's what you need.
You need one of these. Okay.
No one has any idea where I am, all right?
It doesn't even hold
contacts, I don't think.
Built in 2002.
Oh, no. Water Polo Hotties.
Hide. "Water Polo Hotties"?
Is it like a gang?
What is it?
They... They don't
look very dangerous.
They go to my school.
I can't let them see
me in this freakmobile.
I'm sorry, freakmobile?
Did you just... You called
Brando a freakmobile.
All right, let's play that game.
Wait, wait. No, please.
Hey, you with the stupid glasses.
Yeah, you.
Turn your radio down.
It's a nuisance.
Municipal Code 5617-1B.
What's your problem?
Monica?
Is that you?
Hi, Braiden.
Aiden. Jasper.
Toby. Other Aiden.
Congrats on your win last night.
That 3-3 offense is really
working for you guys.
Thanks.
See you.
Turn the music down please.
Wait. You're a cop?
Not really.
You can get one of these for $21.99.
Pull over!
Pull your little mop art over!
Take your energy-efficient
vehicle and stop it!
There you go.
What are you doing?
Don't get out of the car.
Sunglasses off now!
Guess what?
I have a windshield cam, it caught you
littering on a public road. Yeah.
So see, I'm within my rights
to perform a citizen's arrest
and have you turned
over to the authorities,
yeah, which is a $500
fine or two nights in jail.
Your choice.
But guess since you're such pretty boys,
you don't want to do that, right?
So, pull back, pick up your drink
and dispose of it properly.
Okay?
Yes, ma'am.
Ma'am. That's right.
Ma'am.
Get some haircuts.
All of you.
You look ridiculous.
Buckle up, sweetpea.
I can't believe that just happened.
That just happened.
Sorry!
Do you have any idea how
many votes that probably cost me?
Votes? What, are
you running for office?
For prom queen.
I had the election locked up last night.
And now I'm falling behind.
You have real time polling
data for prom queen election?
Yes. That is why you were cozying
up to those water polo delinquents.
They aren't delinquents!
They are really sweet, really hot guys
who happen to be slightly disrespectful
of the city's sanitation rules.
And why do you care about
littering laws, anyway?
I thought PI's were supposed to be cool.
Hey, Sarah. I'm sure they are.
Am, I am. Look, why are we here?
I have a hair appointment, and
I need to return my dress.
Girl! That color looks great on you.
I got your vote tonight, right?
Oh, you are really desperate for votes.
Listen, I care about my community.
And I happen to care about
what they think of me, okay?
It sounds exhausting.
That's why I work alone.
How's that going for you, Miss Cheerful?
Tommy, I saw the pics from the sit-in.
You know, I really hope you
guys save those wetlands.
Yeah.
Then you can get back to your drum circle.
Okay.
PS, thanks for the samurai
work you did on our website.
I told you. It's all about
search engine optimization.
Rad hat, by the way.
Ski hats, this year's berets.
You know what I'm saying? Totally.
So, I've got your vote tonight, right?
Hey, you've got my vote.
So who is this?
Uh...
she is my Aunt Hilda.
She's colorblind.
Oh, no, I'm really sorry
to hear about that.
I mean... Yeah.
It's sad.
I sit at stoplights all day
wondering, "Do I stay?
Do I go?"
Okay. Bye.
Bye. I'll see you tonight.
Bye.
Really?
"Colorblind Aunt Hilda"?
Would you prefer "creepy private eye
strangely obsessed with a
piece of costume jewelry"?
Why colorblind? And
why Hilda? I don't know.
I don't even know your real name.
I somehow doubt it's Liz McRogersberger.
It is Liz, all right?
Liz Morgan.
Oh, hey, Sierra's here.
Who? Where?
Right there... there.
Oh, great. There's another one of you.
Hey!
You're here!
I thought you were stuck at home.
Well, I got a ride.
Oh. Hi.
I'm Sierra.
Who are you? Who is she?
I'm Hilda. She's Liz.
Long story. What's up?
Okay. I am totally freaking out.
I'm second guessing my colors for tonight.
Oh, I wish I could help you.
But I'm colorblind so
it ain't gonna happen.
Stop it. You started it.
Okay, okay, okay.
So did you hear Steph and Zoey
both got in off the waitlist.
We're all going to State.
Monica, you have to go.
It's going to be such a blast.
I know, I know,
it's... Oh, no.
I'm gonna be late.
Okay! Okay!
Whoo! What's all this about State?
Ooh, I want to go to State.
State sounds great.
I'm trying to decide
which college to go to.
And, you know, all my friends are
going to go to State next year.
But I got into one
other place. What's that?
The University of I Can't Do Hair?
MIT.
What?
You got into the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology,
and you're debating that or State?
How is that even a choice in your head?
Because everybody I know
is going to State, okay.
At MIT, I would...
I'd be a nobody.
And that's a bad thing?
Hi. Uh, Monica Reeves.
I have an 11:30.
It's 11:33.
Yeah, I'm a smidge late.
We gave your spot away. What?
Well, it's prom day.
There's no room for error.
"There's no room for error."
Okay. Please.
I mean, I... Look at this.
You're speechless now, aren't you?
Be quiet.
If something opens up, I'll buzz you.
Okay, that is ridiculous, okay?
It's hair, not all-you-can-eat
appetizers and cheesecake.
Is this your mother?
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
She's my Aunt Hilda. She's colorblind.
Well, tell her to stop talking
or we won't take you at all.
Hey, you know what?
I'm colorblind, not deaf,
right? I can hear you.
I just can't tell if that
color looks good on you.
Bye-bye now.
What is wrong with you?
What? She started it.
Have you never been inside a salon before?
You've never been inside a salon before.
Okay.
Who cuts your hair? I do.
Figures.
Oh, yeah. You're one to judge.
Hello?
Anyone here?
Which one's better?
I don't know.
They both block the sun, right?
Why did you just take
a picture of yourself?
I'm polling my peeps.
You're what-ing your what?
I, um... I build
these websites.
Little online surveys, let
people weigh in on my decisions.
Oh, 'cause heaven forbid,
you get the wrong sunglasses?
Hey. It's Marketing 101.
I mean, these little choices are important.
People are either going
to accept you or reject you
based on their first impression.
Or you could just be yourself and not
really care what other people think?
$540!
$540.
That's $540.
Yeah. So?
What? There's been a mistake.
There's been a mistake.
I-I-It's two pieces
of plastic and a label.
Here, try them on. No, no, no.
If I drop them, I'd have
to mortgage my house.
Hey!
Kinda hot.
Oh... Wow!
That's what you're paying for.
I can almost see in color again.
Hey. Can I help you two?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I'm actually here to
return this little dress.
Whoa!
Monica, what did you do to your dress?
I'm guessing the same
thing you did to your hair.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
I... I didn't... I
didn't do anything.
It just... you know, it
spontaneously melted.
It spontaneously melted?
That's not even possible.
That can't happen.
It doesn't matter.
You have a no-questions
return policy, right?
Did you put it in a microwave?
Did you put it in the microwave?
Because I don't think we can take it
back if you put it in the microwave.
I did not put it in the microwave.
Then what did you do to it? What
is this? A police interrogation?
I steamed it.
With what? A blowtorch?
No. With water...
turned into steam...
by a humidifier.
You know with some of that
little eucalyptus vapor stuff.
It was very stiff.
Well, were you trying to
soften it or open its lungs?
I'm sorry, but we can't accept
returns with customer damage.
But I-I-I
didn't damage it.
I steamed it.
No. You vaporized it.
Monica, come on.
You vaporized your prom dress.
Hey! Whose side are you on?
It's not about being on your side.
I'm sorry. I just got to say.
Well, it's really nice to see mothers
and daughters out shopping together.
Oh, she's not my mother.
We're not related at all.
Zero chance.
My hair appointment. Okay.
This, this is not over
yet. I'm coming back.
And this lady? She's crazy.
I do not know her.
I'm not really crazy.
Hey, hey, hey, why are you upset?
You completely just cost me my dress.
Oh, I did that to your dress?
Yes! Oh, did I also do that to your hair?
You know, how about taking
some personal responsibility?
You want a new dress.
You want something new, you buy it.
Oh.
Okay, did you hear that?
You hear that, someone is being
busted for shoplifting, okay.
Someone wanted something,
and they didn't pay for it.
What?
Hello.
Ma'am, please follow me.
How's your personal
responsibility treating you now?
Really? Ma'am, please.
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Seriously.
Would a woman who dresses like this,
steal sunglasses that look like that?
Look, here's my Police Retirement
Association pension card, okay. I'm a cop.
At the moment kind
of... kind of a cop.
You don't need to know about that.
All right, ma'am. I'm gonna
let you off with a warning.
But you need to be more careful.
Think hard about the kind of example
you're setting for your daughter here.
My daughter... I'm
not her daughter!
We don't even look alike. We
don't even look like each other.
She has blue eyes, I have brown eyes.
It's just silly to me. Can we just go now?
Just go. Yes. Thank you.
Can you take those back for
me? Thanks, you're the best.
You're great at your job.
Is that true, you're a cop?
Yeah.
I mean, no. I'm on temporary sabbatical.
Indefinitely.
What happened?
Let's just stick to the mission, okay?
What is an ex-cop doing looking
for a piece of costume jewelry?
This is all getting really weird.
Then just give me the diamond.
The diamond?
You mean the fake diamond?
Yeah. Exactly, the fake.
Yes.
Hello, friend.
This is buzzing.
No. It was buzzing. But now it's stopped.
We gave up your spot.
What? No!
I literally came as fast as I could.
But now you have to wait
until this one buzzes.
I need a corn dog.
See what you did? See there?
I don't like that color either.
Just be quiet.
Listen.
No. No talking.
I'm going to sit there
and eat these corn dogs
and wait for that buzzer to buzz.
But if you would just... And you are
not going to speak or distract me
in any way or complicate
the situation, understood?
Understood?
Got it.
You need a moment...
and a corn dog.
Uh-uh.
No, no, no.
Uh-uh.
Oh, she doesn't like mustard.
Note to self.
Oh, come on.
Oh, snap.
Oh, that's disgusting.
Hey, Dad. Hey, kiddo.
I just wanted to check in on you.
You're doing okay?
Oh. I'm-I'm doing great.
Just great.
I talked to Faraja in radiology.
Now they don't have prom in her country,
but she said she had a couple of
dresses she thought might work.
And there's a big sale today
at Discount Warehouse of Shoes.
Thanks, Dad.
Those are...
good options.
Great. I'll be home by 6:00.
Okay, Dad. I love you.
Love you too. Tons, yo.
Yeah, no yo.
Yeah, just bye.
Discount Warehouse of Shoes?
Oh, I love that place.
No talking.
I have a question.
Oh, my goodness.
One question. It's one, little.
Go ahead.
You know your boyfriend, the soulless jerk
with the bedazzled letterman's jacket?
He's not soulless.
Right. He's full of soul. I forgot.
Okay, so let's say
hypothetically, um, I saw him
flirting with another girl, at say,
I don't know, a mall food court,
would you want me to tell you?
What?
He's supposed to be helping orphans.
Does that girl have parents?
Yes!
Then he's not doing that.
Kyle?
Oh. Monica.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
Uh.
The orphans canceled.
Really?
The orphans canceled.
Yeah. They were just...
They were...
They were totally booked up today...
very busy doing orphan stuff.
Hi, Monica.
Nice hat.
Are you competing in a slalom later?
Or maybe going for a luge?
Kyle, how could you with her?
No, this... this isn't
what it looks like.
Okay, 'cause it looks
like my supposed boyfriend
is having a date with my arch rival.
Okay. That might technically
be somewhat accurate.
I am so sorry, Monica.
I know this must be really hard.
I mean, first I steal your man.
And then, tonight, I rob
you of the prom crown.
Ooh.
I... I think I'm going to be sick.
That guy is a classic vanity case.
I told you.
You know, he's probably got an emotionally
distant lawyer for a dad,
mom's, like an over-doter.
He just goes from girl to girl to girl.
Oh, wow.
This has affected you.
Okay.
Oh, she's crying.
Monica?
What?
Do you...
need a corn dog?
This is what happens
when you're not perfect.
What?
Is she here?
I'm so glad you're here.
It's going to be okay.
Don't worry. No, it's okay.
Should I...
Should I hug you?
This is...
Don't worry, we're gonna fix this.
It's just weird, okay.
You know what, I'm just
gonna hug from afar.
Okay, we're gonna put you back together.
Okay? Okay.
Okay, come.
You know, you are a strong, independent
woman and he is a shallow dirt bag.
Yeah, he's a dirt bag!
It was humiliating.
Everybody was watching.
Yeah, well, they just saw Ashley for
the desperate back-stabber she is.
He made a fool out of me in
front of all those people.
Don't worry, we're gonna fix this.
Wait. What is she doing now?
Kyle Timmins, on your feet.
What? Me? Undercover
mall security. Stand up.
All right, hold on a second.
Oh, you don't follow
directions very well, do you?
Hey, Kyle, meet table.
Table, this is Kyle. Oh, no.
What did I do?
Inappropriate use of hair products,
wearing jeans that make you look silly,
and we have an insider tip
that you may have shoplifted
hair loss products and a man girdle.
What? That's crazy!
I-I-I didn't
shoplift anything!
Especially not a man girdle!
I have a body mass index of like 4%.
Oh, and you're so humble too.
Put your hands behind your head.
Is this a joke?
My dad's a lawyer. I'll sue!
Oh, fancy pants words. You know what?
We have rules in this here mall.
Yeah, we do.
No disorderly or lewd behavior.
I saw what you and Miss Thing were doing
with those chili fries over there.
Disgusting. What? It's
illegal to eat chili fries?
Hey. I'm the one asking
the questions around here.
Now touch your nose.
What? Do it!
Touch your toes.
Stand up.
Walk in a straight line.
Stop, turn around.
Walk in a crooked line.
Stop, turn around.
Waddle like a duck.
Whoa! Sing "Rocky Top."
What? Do the Macarena.
I don't even know what that is!
Stop. Quiet.
Let's see what kind of incriminating
items are on your person.
That's right.
Looking in your bag.
Looking in your blue bag.
Looking in your blue bag...
Oh, zit cream.
Hmm, back hair remover.
That's for my sister!
Yeah, I've heard that one before.
That's a lame excuse, buddy.
Oh, self tanner.
Monica.
I ask you what self-respecting
male uses self-tanner?
It's been very cloudy!
Okay? I need to keep a base.
Okay. That does it, Kyle?
I'm gonna have to take you downtown.
To the Department of Imposters, of
fakes, of frauds, of wannabes...
I don't even think you're
really mall security.
Oh, I assure you I am.
No.
Actually, you're not.
So my priceless little diamond.
Where the devil are you hiding?
Any news on the Williamson case?
Hey, you, so here's the thing.
I'm wondering why you had to, like,
arrest me when I'm just like hanging out
in the food court at the mall.
It's because your security can't,
like, catch real criminals, right?
You are just too scared
of them, so you're like,
"Oh, hang out at the mall and
see if I can arrest Liz today."
Is that what happened? Sorry, Liz.
We'll try to expedite your case.
Yeah, expedite.
That's such a funny word, see.
I used to work here, people!
I know what "expedite" means!
We're gonna be here for hours.
Okay.
Hey, um... sorry about your boyfriend.
It's fine.
I'm not really sure I liked
him that much anyway.
So how does a smart girl like you
end up with a jerk like him?
I, uh...
I set up an online poll.
Right, of course you did.
That-That sounds, that sounds right.
You know, when I heard
the call on the radio,
I thought the suspect's description
was eerily similar to a
certain partner I once had.
How are you, Liz?
I'm so good, Adam. So glad you asked.
I've just been having a leisurely time off,
you know, going to the spa and such.
Can you please take
these handcuffs off of me?
What part of "under arrest"
do you not understand?
Come on, Ed.
Wait here.
I'll see what I can do about
getting the charges dropped.
Yeah, you're always seeing what you can do.
How about you actually
do something for a change?
Man, have I missed you.
I didn't miss you at all.
Hey, is the chief around?
Nope. Meeting with the mayor.
Lucky.
I can see why you like him.
He's hot.
What? Ed? Hot?
No, no, that's... No,
that's ridiculous.
You are crushing him.
It's obvious.
"I haven't missed you at all."
You were doing the whole thing with him.
No, no, no, no, there's no thing.
We don't have a thing.
No, we... we were
partners, police partners.
Mm-hmm.
That's it.
Don't you have some kind of online
poll blogging stuff that you do
with your little phone when you
touch it like every 10 seconds?
Nope.
No, you don't have that to do right now.
Of all times, you don't
do that right now, okay.
How do you even know I'm single?
You're obviously single.
FYI, Ed has a crush on you too.
I-I-I don't think he
feels that particular way.
Well, there's only one way to find out.
Yeah? What's that? Flirt.
Flirt? Yeah. You know,
it's this thing humans do
when they're trying to
demonstrate attraction...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
I know what flirting is.
I'm just...
I'm just...
I'm not very well-versed at it.
You know, it's remarkably easy
once you put your mind to it.
Instead of insulting
people, compliment them.
What do you even know?
You're like 12.
Okay, try it on him.
I will do nothing of the sort.
Yeah, you know, I didn't
think you had it in you.
Really? Even with the sigh...
With your brown eyes.
"I didn't think you had it in you,
"you think that's gonna
get me to like turn around
and be like, Dennis, Dennis.
You think, I'm just gonna
be like, yeah, Dennis.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm
sorry, Dennis. I'm just...
What do you want, Liz?
Dennis, has anyone ever told you
that you have really nice...
large nostrils?
Whatever, Liz.
Yeah. Yeah, whatever.
"Large nostrils"? That's what you got?
He has really large nostrils.
You don't necessarily
have to point that out.
What am I supposed to do,
lie? Say he has small nostrils?
Oh, my goodness. Sorry.
I got some good news and bad news.
Yeah.
The good news is...
they got the charges 86.
Great.
The bad news is...
Where is she?
You? In my office, now!
Shut the door!
Shoplifting sunglasses?
Impersonating mall security?
What were you thinking?
I was thinking that it was very bright out,
and that I, you know,
needed to protect my eyes.
You're a complete disgrace to this badge!
Thanks to you, I'm actually
not wearing a badge, so...
Well, they seem friendly.
Liz and the chief have
a special relationship.
Yeah, clearly one that
involves a lot of yelling.
Well, the chief always
expected a lot from Liz.
She's one of this
department's rising stars.
Really? Liz?
Well, she's a little rough around the edges
but she's the best partner I ever had.
The diamond is gone.
Get that through your thick skull!
Why did she quit?
She didn't quit.
What?
She didn't tell you what happened?
No.
Well, that's her business.
I get it. I get it. Okay.
Let's go!
How about you stay out
of trouble for a change?
How about you keep your nose on your
face and not in everybody's business?
It's good seeing you, Liz. Yeah.
If you need anything, I'm around, okay?
Okay, thanks.
And hey. I'm a cop.
Having my nose in everyone's
business is my business.
Whatever.
So let's get back to the
shopping and the grooming
and whatever other nonsense it
is that we have to do here.
What's really going on?
Nothing.
Why were you thrown off the force?
And why do you really care
about a piece of costume jewelry?
Tell me or you can forget about the deal.
It's not costume jewelry.
It's not costume jewelry.
The center stone in the
necklace is a 21 carat
pink diamond worth roughly $7 million.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
It was stolen 2 months ago.
It was my fault.
There was a traveling exhibit of jewelry
on display at the Civic Museum.
And the necklace, your necklace,
was the star attraction.
I knew there was
something special about it.
I was in charge of security.
It was a real, real
high-profile assignment.
Ed offered to help me, but, I
knew I had this on my own.
There was one thing I didn't count on.
Pierce Peters, one of the
world's foremost jewel thieves.
You know, being one of
the only women on the force
and with the chief constantly breathing
down my neck, it doesn't always feel
like an option for me to ask for help.
So...
I didn't call for backup.
I didn't call for backup.
I thought I had him.
And that's when everything
just starting to go downhill.
Losing that diamond was
a black mark on my record
and erasing that mark was
all I could think about.
And work starting slipping
and nobody understood.
I needed to make this right.
See, but...
eventually the chief had enough and...
Turning by badge in was one of
the worst moments of my life.
Wow. That's...
That's pretty awful. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
But...
how did I end up with the diamond?
Well...
Pierce found a buyer for the diamond
and he arranged an exchange.
But unfortunately for him and
the rest of society actually,
the safari look was in this season.
And he gave the diamond to the wrong man.
So the necklace went on
a bit of an adventure.
No one else was aware of
the diamond's real value.
How did you find all this out?
A lot of good old
fashioned shoe leather.
I combed through taxi GPS data,
watched thousands of hours
of surveillance footage.
Interviewed the mime which was
interesting, because he is a mime.
And did you know that...
is "no" in mime.
Hmm.
Anyway I tracked a food truck for days
and that necklace got
it traded for hotdog.
Lost to a biker in a card game.
Sold to a pawn shop...
where it was discovered
by a local high school girl
looking for something to wear to prom.
And that pretty much brings us up to date.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth?
Well, because, how could I be sure that
once you knew the value of the diamond
that you wouldn't disappear
and try to sell it yourself?
Yeah, but you could've just sent the cops.
No. No. No.
You don't get it. You don't get it.
See, I want to be the one to
march the diamond in there.
I want to take that
necklace into that station,
look the chief square in the eye and
say, "Lieutenant Elizabeth Morgan
reporting recovery of stolen goods."
I need to be the one to
make this right, Monica.
That's kind of your thing, huh?
Making things right on your own.
Lone Ranger-style.
Lone Ranger style.
I like it.
You know, that necklace was
the one part of my outfit
that I didn't put up for a vote.
I just... I just really liked it.
Wow!
As it turns out, you have
exorbitantly expensive taste.
Can I ask you something?
Why is it so hard for you
to make a choice on your own?
I don't know.
I guess... I just...
I don't want to make the wrong choice.
Yeah, but that's how you
learn, by making mistakes.
Everyone says that.
But there are real consequences.
There's real
conseq... Okay.
You're like 16 years old.
What's the worst that can happen?
You wear blue eyeshadow instead of green?
I mean, not that I care. I'm colorblind.
I could be a disappointment.
People might not want to be around me.
Is this still about Kyle?
Kyle. Sure.
Or...
my mom.
You got to be pretty disappointing
to leave a 3 year old.
That...
That was not your fault.
That's why I want to be prom queen.
You know people like you.
I mean you got... You got the title,
you got the crown, a page in the yearbook.
It's official.
It's real.
Oh, no! What time is it?
That's about 2 o'clock.
My driver's test!
Oh, gosh, here we go again.
Here we go.
Hi! Hi! Hi!
I'm here for my driver's test.
Please tell me I made it.
I can't handle missing any
more appointments today.
You made it.
Barely. Thank you.
Is this the car she'll
be using for your exam?
I'm sorry the what
you'll be using for what?
You understand, it is a driving test.
You'll need something to drive.
Hi! No. No.
Yes. No. This was not
part of the deal, okay.
This was not part of the deal.
No one drives Brando but me.
Okay. So you got to be
gentle with Brando, okay.
He's quick off the line.
Sorry. Sorry.
And the steering's loose
until it gets about 40.
And the brakes are new so go easy...
Sorry. On him.
And be careful parking.
Ma'am? This is your daughter's test.
Not yours.
She's not my daughter. Forget it.
Just...
pull Brando out of the traffic.
Watch the traffic.
Stop!
Sorry.
Straight.
Okay.
What the...?
Oh, ignore it. That's just my radar.
It means there's a
highway patrol in the area.
That's actually not legal.
Oh!
Garbage Truck!
Garbage cans!
Stop now immediately.
At least I signaled that time.
Pull over!
Get out! You're not driving another inch.
Wait. Please. Give me one more chance.
Floor it! What?
It's Pierce!
Go now!
So, I have to keep driving
for a few more minutes.
Maybe you can reset the
test, give me one more chance.
Go faster! I cannot go faster.
There's a speed limit.
Okay. I'm still being graded.
Yellow light!
Run it!
That was still yellow.
That was still yellow.
You can't dock me for that one.
You got to go, okay.
We do not want this guy to catch us.
Stop! Can somebody tell me
what the devil's happening?
Get me out of this car.
Oh, gosh. Would you stop your crying?
Okay. Just hold on you big baby.
I'm calling the police! That's
not really going to work in here.
No signal?
Yeah. I told you.
Oh! Oh!
Okay.
There, there. Take the freeway.
I've never been on the freeway.
Don't get on the freeway. Yes!
No! Don't get on the freeway!
Wow!
Close one. That was terrifying.
Everything about this
ride has been terrifying!
Well, it's about to get a
whole lot more terrifying.
He's gaining on us.
Nitro boost. What?
Keep your eye on the road.
I'm gonna hit the red button.
The red button? You said
not to push the red button.
I'm going to push the red button.
Why are you pushing the red button?
Never push the red button.
Don't you watch movies?
It's time, folks.
Okay, tighten your seatbelts,
we're about to go a lot faster.
No. Please don't make us go faster.
One, two, three!
Help me please!
I'm driving here!
Out of the way!
Oh, yeah?
You've got to be kidding me.
So...
did I pass?
"Here's one without the bedpan.
Northwest Hospital." Found you.
Northwest.
You have to give me another chance.
You cannot fail me. Oh. No.
I most certainly can. And I have.
You are totally, completely, failed.
Okay. Well, well, wait...
That other driver,
I got away from him without
breaking the speed limit.
I mean, that kind of defensive driving
has to count for something, right?
Miss, you are quite literally the most
dangerous driver I've ever tested.
You're lucky I don't permanently
ban you from driving forever.
I don't legally think
that you can do that. Yeah.
You can take your test again
in 9 months. Nine months?
And you should consider yourself
lucky, I haven't thrown you in jail.
What? Hey! Hey! Hey!
We're not gonna be talking about jail here.
You can't legally do that either.
What are you doing?
I'm having Brando impounded.
Apparently, I can do that.
It's a death trap.
No way all that gear can be legal.
It most certainly is!
Brando!
Brando, Brando, Brando...
Get out your phone!
Get your device!
Do your things with the
apps and the, and the...
Ober and the uCab and whatever!
I can't believe that just happened.
Monica, I mean, you're
a pretty terrible driver.
It's all ruined! Everything!
My outfit, my relationship, the prom,
my future ability to transport myself.
It's all because of... you
and that stupid necklace!
And this has literally been
the worst day of my life!
Hey, look, there's no need to get
pouty, okay? I am not getting pouty!
You're getting pouty! Look!
Pierce is still out there, okay?
You are still in danger.
What? You're gonna protect me?
The washed up cop that drove everyone
so crazy she got herself fired?
That's not what happened. Oh, really?
'Cause I can see what happened.
You're so obsessive and narrow minded, you have
no idea what's actually going on around you.
Whoa, right, I'm the obsessive one. Yeah.
Okay, yeah, Miss, "I build websites
"so people will love me, though yes."
Are you kidding me?! At least
I have enough sense of self
that I'm not constantly seeking
approval! Because nobody approves of you!
You know what? You need to give me the diamond,
and we need to get you back to the station.
'Kay, look, okay, you want the
diamond? You can have the diamond.
Really? Yeah, just take it, I'm
done with it. I'm done with you.
The diamond is actually on you?
It's in my purse.
Where is your purse?
In the car.
Oh, God, in the... Well,
come on, we have to go get it!
You have to go get it! I
am going back home, and...
trying to put my life
back together again, and...
Forget I ever met you! No,
Monica, we have to go and get...
the... necklace, it's...
You know what? You know what?
I have one of these too!
Operator, I need the number for a cab.
Yes, I'm aware that
no one calls information any more.
Hi, um...
No! No, no. I'm very okay.
Hello, Monica.
We've so much to catch up on, so...
be a dear, and come to the
warehouse at the end of, uh...
North Shore and Sunset.
Oh, and don't forget to
bring my little jewel,
or things might get a little...
unpleasant.
Taxi! Taxi.
No, I just need a
regular cab to come pick me up.
Surely they still have those, right?
They're usually yellow,
and some say "Taxi" on top,
and sometimes they have little
numbers on the side that you...
Liz! Liz! Liz! Monica? I'll call you back!
What? Pierce has my dad!
And don't forget to
bring my little jewel...
...or things might get a little...
...unpleasant.
What do we do?
We do what he says.
But we don't even have the diamond.
That's our first stop.
You're gonna have to use
your phone to summon us a cab.
I need a new phone. Yeah, you do. Come on.
Hi, hi. Arnie, Arnie, hi.
Wait, I need to get my car back. Yeah.
Fill out all seven release
forms and have a seat.
Listen, we're really in a
rush. So are all of them.
Okay, you know what? I didn't
want to do this, but here you go.
Yeah, I'm FBI. I mean, come on.
I don't care if it was
J. Edgar Hoover himself.
You sit down and you wait,
just like everybody else.
Well, can you at least tell me
if my car is in this lot or not?
Sure! After you fill out the forms, have
a seat, and wait just like everybody else!
You are a very angry person!
Okay, stop, stop. Just come here.
What do we do now?
We don't have time to wait here
forever. Monica, honestly, I don't know!
Not a word.
Come on.
Excuse me.
You know, I probably could
take a look at the IT system.
Really? Yeah, it's...
just your standard SQL database, probably.
You know, I could get in,
find your car, get it cleared.
I do it with the library system when
I take too long to read the books.
But it's hopeless without a password.
"Poopy." What?!
That's the password. "Poopy."
How do you know?
%83 of people use their
pet's name as their password,
and I'm guessing that number is closer to %100
when you and your dog have matching t-shirts.
I need to get back there.
Okay, I'll distract him.
How? I don't know,
compliment him, right?
Just... follow my lead.
Come on.
Um...
Arnie...
Hey, I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Ma'am, I just need the forms.
Um, has anyone ever told you that...
you have great... a great...
forehead?
Huh?
Yeah, it's... it's round, and
your... your hair is like way back here,
and then it goes, "Whoop, whoop!"
Ma'am, could you just please have a seat,
and... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Look, I have a forehead thing.
It's weird, I know, okay?
What I'm trying to say is that...
You have a tough job.
Yes, you do, but you have
a certain intellect, I see...
The smarts and the thinking
and the brain stuff,
and... and you're good at
your job. And I respect that.
Thanks, that's...
actually nice to hear.
You know, well, um...
nobody ever seems to appreciate
what I do around here.
I...I do.
I... I... f... find it very attractive...
when a man is good at his job.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, you, you, you
sit in that chair, all day, and
you are the guardian of cars.
And you deal with people, and
that takes a strong constitution.
You know, your constitution is so strong.
You know, I really don't feel
like I'm appreciated in this job.
I can see that. And this job, I mean
it's hard for people to see the real you.
That's exactly right, I mean, like,
I'm stuck in this office all day.
It's tough for a man.
I mean, it can't help that you're so...
Uh, handsome!
Did I just say that out
loud? Whoa, I said it, yep.
It must make
people feel really insecure.
Handsome?
Me?
You know, this may be
against protocol, but...
for you, maybe I can bend the rules
just a little bit and check on your car.
Okay.
What is the plate number?
It is, uh, four? "L"... Four.
"M"...
"K"...
Sorry, say that again?
Four... Yeah.
"L"... "L."
"Four." "Four, 'L, ' Four..."
"'M', one, 'K'"
"4L4M1K"
Uh... well!
Looks here like I'm the one that
needs to be apologizing to you!
It says here your car was, "Towed in
error," and it's ready for immediate release.
Wow, that's great news. That's great news.
Here, um, just take this...
and give it to the guard
on level three. Actually...
That's my phone number.
Maybe we could, uh, have dinner some time?
I'll bring my forehead.
Yeah, you will!
What are you doin' back there?!
Um, uh, you know, I was, I was
looking for the bathroom.
Second door on the right!
I can hold it.
She'll hold it. She's good like that.
You know...
You and your daughter look
like you could be sisters.
Well, thanks. Thank you. Yeah, okay.
Go, go, go!
Nice work! I gotta say,
I didn't think you had it in you.
I didn't either. But you, you with
the computer, you were amazing!
You're like Bill Gates
but... smarter and with no glasses.
I can see why MIT wants you.
We make a pretty great team.
Yeah.
Um...
The diamond isn't here.
What? Well, I don't know!
I put it in my makeup and now it's gone.
Wha... Wait, this
is "Desert Flame."
This is not my color, I'm a "Mountain
Sunset." What happened?
I have no idea, I would
never wear "Desert Flame."
I'm a winter. It completely washes me out.
I know, I know. Okay, just
think, think, think.
You are a strong, independent
woman, and he is a shallow dirtbag.
Sierra! Sierra!
She's at the park!
Why is she at the park?
Prom pictures, it's the
prettiest spot in town.
Please call me the second you get this!
This is a crazy, serious,
monster emergency!
The park is huge, she could be anywhere!
How are we supposed to get to her?
We need bikes, quick.
Ah, we only have one left. We'll take it.
Take it easy, it's
a little bumpy in here!
I'm trying here, okay?
Clear the road, people.
Stay clear of the vehicle's path. I repeat.
I told you you should have let me be
in the mommy seat. Just be quiet, okay?
Whoa!
My goodness, look out, Whoa, easy!
Look out, comin' through!
Sorry!
Whoa! The pond, to the right,
to the right, to the right!
Right, right, right, right, right!
Monica...
It's stuck! Okay, well, push harder.
Pushing! Just push it harder!
I am!
Kyle?
Listen, I am really glad you're here,
I've been meaning to talk to you.
Now's not a good time, Kyle. No, look...
I might have made a mistake
with Ashley, you know? She's...
She's a little difficult, but...
You know, I just, I was hoping
you'd still be my date tonight. Wow.
Kyle... I... I don't
know what to say.
Dude!
Look, I don't want any
trouble, okay? Lady, no "man-girdle."
Kyle! Hello?
Look, we're losing our lighting,
we need to take pictures now!
Monica?
What are you doing here?
Nice to see you too, Ashley.
So what do you say, babe?
Be my date again? Huh?
What? But you're my date! And she's...
Riding a bicycle. With
the old lady from the mall.
Oh, did I hear that
correctly, Monica? Mm-hmm.
Did she just call me old? You
know what? I believe she did.
That's not good.
No, it wasn't me, it was her!
No, I think she meant, "seasoned."
'Cause you're not that old.
Don't make me do "The
Macarena" again. Yeah.
What are you doing?
No!
Wait, Sierra! There! Go!
I just need your
makeup. But you're a winter!
My makeup just washes you
out! We know, earlier we...
Never mind, I just need your clutch.
Oh, oh, okay.
Okay, how did that get in there?
Long story. How much time
do we have? Just enough.
Okay. Let's go.
And remember, this guy's
not messing around, okay?
I'll be okay.
We'll get your dad.
Look! Look, there's a door.
Bingo.
You know, we could still take
the diamond to the cops. Let them help?
No. No way, okay? I know this guy
Pierce. All right? He's not messing around.
This is the best
way to protect your dad.
Um, you got a Yeah, okay.
Yeah, but then you'd get to
march in the station with the diamond.
Well, yeah. You
know, like you've always wanted?
Yeah. Be pretty great to see the look
on the chief's face, wouldn't it? But no.
If you hate the chief so much then why don't
you just transfer to a different department?
'Cause I can't escape her.
She's like a giant tarantula
on my back, sucking out my soul.
She's my mom. Whoa, really?
Yeah.
Wow, that, um...
That must be tough
Yeah, you have no idea.
I am fifth generation cop.
My grad-dad always pushed my
mom to be the best, and she was.
But now she's on my back every
day, pushing me to be the best.
Pointing out every mistake.
That... actually sounds kind of refreshing.
Uh, "refreshing" isn't
the word I would use.
It's like, I... I
love my dad, but...
I'm only just "perfect"
in his eyes, you know?
I don't know, let me try that on for size.
"Hey, Liz! You're perfect!"
"Oh, wow, thank you"
I think that feels pretty great, Monica.
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
Yeah, but, if someone's only telling
you how great you are, then...
How do you know when...
you're not great?
I mean, sometimes...
you need a mom...
telling you the truth.
That's... probably why I'm always
asking everyone's opinion on things.
So you can be "perfect" after all.
So people won't leave you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Something like that.
Well, if I was your mom...
If I was your mom, I would tell you...
that who you are today...
is way more interesting
than "perfect" will ever be.
Monica, you're such a great kid.
You're such a great kid.
And...
the people who are worth keeping?
Right? They're always gonna be around.
'Kay, look at me. They've
always been there for me.
As difficult as I may be. I mean,
that's questionable.
You know, like, my mom, Ed,
they've always been there.
They've always been there.
Wow, they've always been there.
Let's go rescue your dad. Yeah.
Okay. Now remember,
the most important thing...
Hello?!
...is the element of surprise.
Sorry.
Uh, I c...
I'm sorry.
Hello, ladies!
Care to join me?!
Get your walkin' shoes on.
These gizmos...
never cease to amaze, do they?
You can watch British Premier League
football, live, right in your lap!
It's just... amazing.
Good evening, Lieutenant.
Or should I say disgraced,
former Lieutenant?
Ha ha ha, see? That just
cracks me up, y'know,
because that, coming from a guy
who gave a $7 million diamond
to a complete and utter stranger.
Where's my diamond?
I think we can both agree that I have
the more valuable collateral
here, so please, after you.
Give him
the diamond. It's okay.
Now give me my dad.
Oh, Monica.
Monica, Monica, Monica.
You didn't just expect me
to hand him over, did you?
What sort of incompetent
criminal do you think I am?
Make no mistake, you will
get your dad back. Absolutely.
I'll send you a text message
with his precise location, soon,
from some safe, unnamed
place, with warm weather.
Until then? Au revoir.
Y'know something, Liz?
What's that, Monica?
For the world's best diamond
thief, guy's kind of an idiot.
I...right? Am I
right? Total idiot.
Exactly... what exactly
do you mean by that?
It's the 21st century. It is.
I know exactly where my dad is.
She does. Go get your dad, honey.
Dad!
Dad! Oh, Dad, I got you,
I got you, I got you.
Hold on.
But how?
How did you do that?
Who is this creep?
He's just a low-life who's going
to jail for a long, long time.
What is that?
Some non-lethal,
high-voltage stunning thingy?
How adorable.
Forgive me if I completely ignore it...
...and just make my exit.
Oh, ha!
Why are you smiling?
I think it's because this time...
...she called for back-up. Yeah.
All right, I need three teams!
Team One, Team One, take this exit.
Team Two, cover my back.
I want battering ram ready, let's go!
Well, I guess I'll just have to
make my exit via the high road.
Oh, dear.
Where's my battering ram?
Move it!
Wait for my command!
Enter on my cue! Three, two, one!
Ohh... on second thought,
Ed, I have missed you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ahh.
Lieutenant Elizabeth Morgan, reporting
recovery of stolen goods...
...and apprehension of
suspected perpetrator.
Permission to file a report.
Book 'im.
Take 'im, boys.
And get that necklace down to Evidence.
Lieutenant.
One more thing.
Yeah?
You'll need your badge back.
No!
Thank you for saving me.
You really are an incredible kid, y'know.
How can I possibly go to MIT?
I mean, what would you do without me?
Oh, now, that can't be a
factor in your decision.
Well... I mean...
...I don't want to leave you.
Monica, that's how I'll
know when I've done my job.
When you can leave.
Besides, I'm not going anywhere!
I'm right here. It's four years.
And if you decide to stay in Boston,
or move to New York or
Kathmandu, guess what?
They need nurses there,
too. I'll be around.
Thanks, Dad.
Oh!
'scuse me, 'scuse me. Hey!
Look, they have an opening,
let's go. No, it's okay.
No, no, no, you can make
it! There's an opening!
I'll give you a police escort!
Forget it. After everything
that happened today,
prom just doesn't seem that important.
Look, it's prom, okay? You have to go.
Come on! This is the biggest
night of your high school career!
But I don't have anything to wear.
Well... follow me.
Welcome to the coolest
department store in the city.
Buzz us in.
Central Police Station Evidence Room.
Wow.
What is that?
Can I touch anything?
Lucky for you, some
criminals have great taste.
Oh, yeah, they do.
What do you think? Do you
like it? What do you think?
Wow. I mean, wow.
I think the real question
is, what do you think?
I like it. I love it.
I really like it. It
even works with the hat.
I know, right?
But there's something missing.
What? It's missing, just a little,
I don't know, just, maybe...
...a little of this?
Wow...
...Oh, my goodness. Perfect.
I can't. It is way too valuable.
Well, I mean, you're gonna
need a full police escort.
I've never been to prom.
Oh, you are going to
prom. I'm going to prom?
You're going to prom! I'm going to prom!
Why, I never thought
I'd live to see the day.
My daughter in a ball gown.
Well, it's for official
police business, so...
Oh, thanks.
It was just a little twisted.
No, I mean, thanks for everything.
You cut your hair!
Well, uh, technically, she did.
Yeah, yeah, I've had loads
of experience. Chop chop.
I love it.
Me too. You look hot.
Oh, I almost forgot. You won.
What? What?
Yeah! In a landslide.
News about Kyle cheating on
you with Ashley went viral.
Her support collapsed.
You are Prom Queen!
Wow! That's, um... wow!
Group hug!
Come on, girls, let's go to prom!
We're going to prom. Oh, we're going!
Yeah, Monica!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank
you, thank you, thank you!
This is an incredible honor.
Wow! Um, for the past few weeks, this
moment is all I could think about.
But I woke up this morning, and my
day took a little bit of a detour.
You see, there was this person.
Sure, she had terrible style and
questionable social skills,
and sure, she probably ruined my chance
to ever legally drive in
the state. I'm so sorry.
But she taught me something.
Something I wanna share with all of you.
Whoever you really are, it's
okay to be that person.
And you don't have to put it up for a vote.
Because perfect, eh, it's overrated.
And the people that really care about you?
They're not going anywhere.
And I've decided to go to MIT next year.
Oh, yeah, you will!
Sorry, sorry.
I'm gonna miss you all.
So tonight?
Let's soak it up, and have a great time.
Thank you.
Ed?
You've... you
h-you are...
...you have such great...
...nostrils.
Thanks.
Um, do you, um...
...do you...
...do you wanna dance?
Yeah! Let's do it. Okay, great.
Can I lead?
Probably not!
Oh, oh, sorry! Okay. Oh...
Okay, um, how did that get in there?
How much time do we have? Just enough.
Okay. Oh, we need the...
...'scuse me, we need the...
- ...best part of the necklace.
- One more right away!
Uhh.
Push harder. Yeah, just, um...