Babysitter's Black Book (2015)

Please wrap your
drunken arms around me
And I'll let you call
me yours tonight
'Cause slightly broken's
just what I need
And if you give me
what I want
Then I'll give you
what you like
Please tell me
I'm your one and only
Or lie and say
at least tonight
I've got a brand
new cure for lonely
And if you give me
what I want
Then I'll give you
what you like
When you turn
off the lights
I get stars in my eyes
Is this love?
Maybe someday
So don't turn
on the lights
I'll give you
what you like
Besties for life,
I don't want to
think about it.
Emotions aren't that
hard to borrow
Times are tough.
Many of your
families are hurting.
In today's economy,
the companies that succeed,
they provide a service
that people really need,
even if they don't
know they need it.
Ah, Ashley Gordon.
Why don't you tell us
about your class project?
Come on.
I created Family
Buddies because, well,
I needed a project
for this class,
also because I desperately
needed the money for college.
We make it possible
for parents to survive
and their kids to thrive,
babysitting, tutoring, sports.
For exhausted overwhelmed busy
parents, we provide relief.
I was getting more
babysitting, tutoring,
family assistant jobs
that even a chronic overachiever
like me could handle.
- Hey, kids.
- Hi.
Did you guys drive
Ashley crazy today?
- We tried.
- You did?
At first, I recruited
my friends,
matched them up
with the right families.
Then we got referrals
as far as 20 miles away
and we expanded.
So there are 11
of us working now,
including my three
best friends,
Janet, our adolescent
jock heartthrob.
What are you guys doing?
Follow me.
They follow her anywhere.
Gilli, our videographer,
for artsy kids, she's the best.
I love it, looks so good.
And, Rachel,
our all-around star...
There's no request
she can't fulfill.
Hey, Rachel, want to
give me a hand in here?
You've got 15 minutes.
I'll be back.
We're always booked and already
looking for new tutors.
So, if you're interested,
see me after.
See, she's responding
to a real market need.
Now your next challenge
is gonna be, how do you
grow your business?
Is there any other
services you can provide?
Think about it.
- Mm-hmm.
- Harper, you're up next.
I know it's a tough act to
follow, but you can do it.
Mr. Parks?
I'm freaked about
my essay for UC.
Do I write about our business
and sound like a total nerd
or make up some mushy
story about my time
amongst the homeless?
Ash, you could write about
your dog and still get in.
- I don't have a dog.
- My point exactly.
I plan to write
about my triumphs.
Athletic or sexual?
Oh, well, they are
both sports,
and I play them
the same way guys do.
All out.
I'm a rookie at both.
Okay. When are you guys gonna
get in the game?
When I meet somebody
worth playing with.
Apparently UC accepts
over half in-state applicants
to some college.
So at least
we'll get in somewhere.
UC Merced, here I come.
I'm lucky my parents
can afford tuition.
But without Family Buddies,
I'd be wearing Salvation Army
clothing by sophomore year.
- Ew.
- Well, sell your jewels.
I'll go to community
college before I do that.
Yeah, if my parents
can't help,
I will be playing math
games with seven-year-olds
for the rest of my life.
Oh, don't look now.
Here comes your
tallest seven-year-old.
Hey, Ash.
Hey, how'd the chem test go?
I got bitch slapped, C-minus.
- Ooh.
- Sucks.
Coach says I can't play
football without a B average.
I don't know, Daniel.
As your chem coach,
I can't make you run laps.
But maybe if you trained
a little harder on
your homework...
Ouch. I've been spanked.
All right.
We're in the fourth quarter,
and our chem team is behind.
Well, I don't have your smarts.
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
I'm no smarter than you.
I just work much harder.
So when can we meet?
Oh, I need a boost
in geometry too.
Is there any way we could
get together tonight?
Um, tonight's a no-go.
I'm babysitting.
But call me.
We'll figure it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Thanks, Ash.
You're a lifesaver.
- I'd do him.
- ( laughing )
What the heck?
Family Buddies.
Hi, Lois.
Yep. You are confirmed
for babysitting with
Mrs. Donofrio Friday night.
How's Family Buddies?
Crazy busy.
Good. Busy, busy.
I don--I don't know
how to say this.
I am closing my store.
Oh, no.
Mom, that's awful.
What are you gonna do?
Well, um, there's no easy
way around this, honey.
We've looked at this from
a hundred different angles.
We have to tap into
your college fund.
I know. It's awful.
I get it.
But we're gonna
pay you back.
I promise.
So... that's it, just--
just say good-bye to
Berkeley or UCLA?
No, we--we'll--we'll take out
loans, right, if we have to.
And you just might need
to consider going
to community college.
I know. I'm sorry.
We're sorry.
We're sorry.
I know.
It's awful.
I get it.
We're gonna pay you back.
But we still own our house.
I promise.
And use that--we have
to watch every penny.
You get your prerequisites
out of the way.
What-- What is the point
of me busting my butt
to get good grades?
I--I'm top of my class,
and I'm gonna end up
at community college?
I know. And we are very proud
of you for your grades.
And I'm sorry that we're
putting you through this.
How many cups are in a pint?
- Two.
- That's too easy
- 250.
- Hey.
Oh, we're just working
on Billy's fractions
and Cindy's metric
and filling them
with useless sugars.
Me want cookie now.
Don't do that.
I got you a couple
of things.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
I hate them.
They want to know how
I will benefit from
and contribute to
their vibrant community.
What do I say?
Oh, they can be intimidating,
but maybe Mark can help.
He's a trial lawyer,
and he can convince
anyone of anything.
Yeah, absolutely.
Your college essay,
it's your story.
You just have to convince
them it's a great one, huh?
That would be--
that would be amazing.
Okay, kids.
We're outta here.
Every little girl knows
That the girl with
the most clothes is...
Damn, you look hot.
How doou afford this?
Just between us,
from Roger.
Hold it in, ooh,
I let it go
When I pull up to
the club and...
Roger, as in Mr. Parks?
Why waste it on
high school boys?
It's just sex.
And he pays me big time.
Shut up.
You're getting paid to have
sex while you're tutoring?
When daddy wants me,
I give the kids an assignment.
It's 150 for going down
on him.
300 for sex.
So that's how you
get all the bling.
Didn't Miss Palmer
say something about
expanding our services?
I'm just taking Family
Buddies to the next level.
You want me to hook you up?
I know for a fact
Jack Wiley'd be up for it.
He's not the only dad.
Don't you tell me
I don't know.
Screwing for bucks?
Suddenly, you're all moral?
You have sport sex with
high school jerks for free.
Older guys are kinda hot.
One look at your
tight young body,
and they'll empty
out their wallets.
Use it before you lose it.
You shouldn't say stuff
like that in front of me. No!
Ashley, what happened?
Oh, no, the kids are fine.
Don't--don't worry.
Do you want to tell us
what's going on?
My parents are using
my college fund to
pay our bills.
Oh, honey,
I'm so sorry.
No, it's--
it's nobody's fault.
They're good people.
They just think that I should--
I should forget Berkeley
or UCLA for now
and work and
go to community college.
But I've been
crunching loan apps,
and I'll be digging myself out
of that hole till I'm 40.
Hey, don't give up so easy.
There's state scholarships,
Pell grants, work study.
You're a lock
for financial aid.
- You'll see.
- Yeah.
Hey, sweetheart, um,
it started raining, and--
and she walked here.
I'll drive you home.
It's gonna be okay.
I'm sorry.
I just--I've wanted
this forever,
study business,
do a cool startup.
And Berkeley's a great place
to learn all that.
But now I--I just feel
like it's never gonna happen.
It will. It will.
You'll see.
My biggest nightmare is
that I'm gonna be stuck
living my parents' lives.
Isn't that a horrible
thing to say?
I sound so ungrateful.
Well, I'm sure they're
doing the best they can.
And I know they
want the best for me.
But you want more.
There's nothing
wrong with that.
Hey, look at me.
There is nothing wrong
with wanting more.
You're a beautiful,
smart, talented girl.
There's a much bigger
world waiting for you
than you could
possibly imagine.
You'll be fine.
It's gonna be okay.
Thank you.
It means a lot that
you believe that.
Now I just need
to believe that.
Where'd you go to school?
Well, I went to Pressman.
You know, that's a thought.
I bet they'd love a--
a girl with your
entrepreneurial skills in
their business program.
I can't even afford
a state school.
Isn't Pressman, like,
five times as much?
Let me help you
figure that out.
Help how?
Well, books,
room and board.
Consider it an
investment in your future.
You're gonna do
amazing things.
would be unbelievable.
Thank you.
Okay. Now get inside.
Start thinking
about that essay.
You sure you're
a football player?
Why don't you just do
my homework for me?
Oh, that's
not happening.
- Wrong girl.
- You can do it.
What do you get when
you mix sodium hydroxide,
which is a base,
with an acid?
Salt water?
Touchdown, Daniel.
Yeah. Thank you.
Hey, baby, what's up?
Oh, sorry, I can't.
Ash is here.
No, we're just
tackling damn chemistry.
Oh, it's all a blur to me,
but she makes it easier.
Yeah, I gotta go.
But don't worry.
It's just Ashley.
I, um, I gotta go.
Come on.
She was jealous.
I didn't mean anything.
I'll get us a pizza.
Whatever you want.
But I gotta work
on college apps.
What are you thinking?
Berkeley's my first
choice, maybe Pressman.
You're awesome.
Call for that pizza.
Come in.
Time to work on those apps.
I didn't know if you were a
water or a soda kind of girl.
Uh, soda, usually diet.
Here you go.
Where are Linda and the kids?
At her mother's.
Handmade milk chocolates.
- Oh.
- Try it. You'll never have
another candy bar.
What did I tell ya, huh?
You have to learn
to trust me.
Did you know the average
annual salary 10 years
out of a Pressman business
grad is over 400k?
That is crazy.
Yeah, even more important,
93% of Pressman students
say there's something fun
and interesting on
and near campus.
You need a personal tour
from someone who knows
where all those fun and
interesting things are.
Oh, and where might I find
such a knowledgeable guide?
Well, we can fly
up next weekend.
Oh, come on, Ash.
I can't show off my college to
my kids for another eight years.
Let me show it off to you.
How would I--
You just say there's
a class trip up north.
You know, we'll take
the red eye on Friday,
stay Saturday,
come back Sunday.
So, like, staying the night?
Well, in separate
rooms, of course.
Yeah. Great.
Get to work on that essay, eh?
Put on some more coffee.
Jack Wiley,
I'm with Family Buddies.
I'm not sure
how this goes, Jack.
Shall we talk first?
Or should I just show
you what you've paid for?
Billy, he adores you.
He really looks
up to me.
Kind of like
I look up to you.
Hey, ladies, watch this.
He is so confident.
He's just amazing.
Okay. He's not as confident
as you think.
Now, all men are little boys
and they can be confusing.
But once you figure them out,
they're very simple creatures.
Uh, there's--I just
can't read the signals.
There's this guy, Daniel.
We go to school together.
I tutor him.
We've always just been buds,
but I can't tell if he likes me.
Ashley, you're 17.
It takes time
to figure out the signals.
It took me years
to learn to deal
with Mark's unending
need for attention.
But we figured it out.
You guys just seem
so great together.
We are.
But marriage is work
even on a good day,
which is why we
appreciate you so much.
I mean, me, Mark,
and the kids,
we'd be
lost without you.
Number one, Ash.
You beat Harper.
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
- Oh, my God.
- We're so proud of you.
You worked hard,
and it paid off.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's all downhill from here.
- No.
- Shut up.
Okay. Don't sell yourself short.
You can do anything.
I can't wait to say
I knew her when.
So how are we gonna
celebrate this weekend?
Can't this weekend.
I decided to apply
to Pressman.
So I gotta finish
my application.
Pressman, wow.
Seriously, hey, I thought
Berkeley was out of reach.
I mean, Pressman is like
a million times more expensive.
I know.
I don't know how I'll pay for
it if I get in, but I gotta try.
I'm a fraud, I pretend
I ain't chasing glory
Just a lonely wanderer
Trying to tell
a simple story
You can feel free
to cry or laugh...
All right, my man.
Have a good one.
Home sweet home.
Okay. The great Philly
cheesesteak debate.
We have two choices here,
the safe choice
called the coward's choice,
provolone on top.
We have the risk taker's
choice with canned cheese.
Canned cheese?
What are you,
risk taker or a--what?
Uh, whoa. Hey.
What'd I tell ya?
- Right?
- But delicious.
- So good.
- Mmm.
Have you heard
of Prophets and Outlaws?
Oh, yeah.
Southern country rock.
They had that song
"Soul Shop."
Yeah, bunch of great songs.
They're performing
tonight near campus.
Yeah? You want to go?
Uh, they don't go
on until 8:00.
Well, I'll just push our
flights tomorrow till later.
Mm-hmm, sure. Yeah.
You just need to focus on
your interview right now, okay?
- Okay.
- Give me that.
- Mmm.
- Hey!
Canned cheese is
so much better.
So much better.
Hey, how'd it go?
My interviewer had
amazing internships
and already has, like, three
job offers when he graduates.
That's awesome.
Come in.
I think I did pretty well.
He loves Family Buddies.
I can do this.
I mean, I'm terrified.
And the kids here
are way above me.
And if I don't
get a scholarship,
I don't have a prayer.
But I--I could see myself
here, thanks to you.
Oh, hey.
I just--I would never have
the guts to do this on my own.
You're happy?
This is for you.
It's for all your hard work.
Well, I haven't
worked hard yet.
Oh, you will.
Trust me.
Mark, I--this is just...
Well, try it on.
Yeah, absolutely.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You look stunning.
Ready to rock and roll?
The guy recites poetry
while we're doing it.
I swear I had to
put my hand over his
mouth just to shut him up.
I--look, I told Jack
it's 750 for tonight.
So close your eyes and
dream of the bank roll.
Can you do that?
Okay. But any poetry,
and I am out.
Rain, rolling
down my window
Put a wrench
in everything I had today
And so I cancelled
all my plans
I'm gonna find a new
solution right away
When I'm down
head under water
To ease my woes
I sing out my sins with
the ones I love the most
You can find me
at the soul shop
Where my daddy
taught me how to rock...
Let's get out of here.
Hey, wake up,
We gotta get back.
I can't believe
we did this.
Linda is amazing to me.
She's like a second mom.
Listen, Linda's great.
I love Linda,
and I always will.
So what are we doing?
You want the Oprah answer?
The truth is we're more
friends than lovers now.
The magic's kinda gone.
Hey, stop worrying so much.
You know what
I'm thinking about?
I can guess.
I'm thinking about your
first day at Pressman.
You're meeting new friends,
picking classes,
living away from home
for the first time.
You know what you
won't be thinking about?
Room and board, tuition.
I am taking care
of everything.
You're my girl.
I got you covered.
Strong SAT scores.
You'll probably
be valedictorian.
I think applying to Pressman
is a fine idea, as long
as you don't forget
your safety schools.
My family, um, can't help.
So I'll be working
my way through college.
Pressman can help
with that.
They have excellent
financial aid packages.
You think I have a chance?
Just don't set your
heart on one place.
I've seen too many broken
hearts walk out these doors.
Um, what put that smile
on your face?
Guidance counselor love.
Cheap thrills.
Okay. You guys are
killing me.
Did you rip off
Rihanna's closet?
I'm starving.
Let's grab Gilli
and hit the caf.
Yeah, right.
High school heartthrobs are
a depreciating asset.
Since when, two weeks ago?
Since she studied
the market and realized
the value of her goods.
Is this National Slut Day
and I didn't get the memo?
Obviously not.
Or else you wouldn't be
hiding that gorgeous bod.
I think Rachel and Janet just
had sex with Rob Pattinson.
Okay. Cafe.
Let's go.
You guys are a billboard
for something.
What is up?
You are too young
and too pure.
Oh, you'd be surprised.
Liar. I may be a virgin, but
I have a wild artistic soul.
So spill.
You guys are gonna go all
secret agent on me now?
It's not like I don't tell
you my deepest and darkest.
Oh, what the hell?
Let's corrupt
their virgin ears.
After all, we
are Family Buddies.
Let's just say I've
introduced a hot new
Family Buddies' product.
What's that?
I don't get it.
Oh, my God.
At first he'd just
buy me stuff.
Then he asked if
I'd rather have cash.
It's a win-win.
Are all the dads
into this, even Mr. Lozlo?
- No!
- Okay.
It's just a few
that we know of.
But they have friends.
I used to love coming here
when we were little.
Oh, I remember.
You would swing so high,
you'd scare the hell out of me.
Don't you feel guilty
about Roger's wife and kids?
Well, I don't--I don't
feel great about it.
But it's his problem,
not mine.
I don't know
Jack's wife and kids.
Ew. I could not imagine
sleeping with strangers
for money.
Okay. It is not that different
from banging high school boys,
except the sex
is way better.
And, plus, we get paid.
I'll just quit after
graduation and get to college
a much hotter lover
for my true boyfriend.
And, remember, no college guys
want to sleep with virgins.
I'd--if you want in,
there are other dads.
Ash, could put a dent
in that Pressman tuition.
Can't deal.
Oh, God, it's not like
we're walking the streets.
We got enough food to wait
out a nuclear attack.
If you feel like we're being
watched, I can take them down.
They're still in here.
This really how you want
to spend our time? Hmm?
We can dance again if you like,
make love until we pass out.
Oh, so the food
is just for show?
No, we could eat before,
after, during if you like.
That sounds gross.
So do a lot of things
until you try them.
It's what you want,
isn't it, experience?
Or is it just tuition?
I adore you.
You know that.
Prove it.
Come on.
Go, go, touchdown.
That's right.
You look great.
Valance is a measure of
how many chemical bonds
can be formed by an element.
Daniel, what is valance?
Uh, it's the, uh,
irresistible attraction
one element has for another.
Oh, actually,
it's typically the number
of electrons needed
to fill the outermost
shell of an atom.
I think it's when two electrons
who have been friends
for ages suddenly
get a different charge
and decide to pump up
the electricity.
And how would they do that?
Ash, do you want to go to a
party with me this weekend?
You know I've never really been
to high school parties, right?
That's about to change.
Yours, Jeff.
I have since fifth grade.
When I was on
the cover of "Today's
Cheerleader Magazine,"
he couldn't
get enough of me.
He snuck through my window
when my parents were downstairs.
We had to be so quiet
while we did it.
Who are you?
Do I know you?
I know, right?
I kinda surprised myself.
So you and Daniel,
is it a thing?
We'll see.
I had a really
good time tonight.
Me too.
It's all that chemistry.
Good night, Daniel.
Those are gorgeous.
Who are they from?
A boy I met last night
at the party.
You must have made
quite an impression.
You like
the orchids I sent?
They were okay.
Where were you last night?
I tried your cell
over and over.
I went to a party.
With a guy?
What difference
does it make?
You have sex with him?
God, Mark, no.
What even gives you
the right to ask that?
I just don't want you
having sex with other people.
You are married.
You don't get to say that.
Oh, if I'm paying
for Pressman,
I'll say whatever
I damn well please. Okay?
Wow. Wow.
Oh, I don't want your help.
Just stop the car.
Ugh. Stop acting
like a baby.
I'm 17, Mark.
Stop the car.
Just w--hold on. Wa--
You can't get on the floor
And g-g-go!
I woke up like this.
This is what
everyone's wearing.
Go drive Daniel crazy.
And this, just looked
like you, Gill.
I couldn't resist.
Ooh, I love it.
Wait, let me get--
Not bad for
a weekend's work.
Give me some.
Thank you.
That's right.
How's this? Like it?
That's for your weekend.
Oh my God.
Wait, you guys, check out
this picture of Selena Gomez.
Just check out
what she's wearing.
I would kill for
an outfit like that.
Yes, you won't have to.
Jack will do it for you.
You are right.
Oh, wait, you guys.
I have to shoot my portfolio
for my art school applications.
It's a lot of money.
You know I can help.
Okay. I'm in.
Yes, Gilli.
But no loser dads.
Wait, you guys--you guys.
Okay. Hello?
Yes, uh, 3:00 is fine.
Thank you.
- What?
- What? What?
My Pressman alumni interview.
Oh, my God.
Go get ready.
Go get ready.
Go, go, go, go.
Go get ready.
I gotta get ready.
Club, uh
Wolf pack, yeah
Uh, and this is rejects
I'm losing sleep,
oh, where to go?
Yeah, where do I belong?
I may never know
Yeah, feel like I'm far
behind, so far behind, so
- Cheers!
- Whoo!
Yeah, cheers.
I'm losing sleep,
oh, where to go?
Where do I belong?
I may never know
I feel like
I'm far behind
So it should be feminine
but business-like.
Wow. You look so gorgeous.
You look grown up
and sophisticated.
Where did you
get this sweater?
Um, Linda gave it to me.
I know your dad and I haven't
done right by you lately.
But, um...
but maybe St. Michael
will do a better job.
Thank you.
Oh, you're gonna be great.
Your essays show depth,
a maturity beyond your
You're an excellent
candidate for financial aid.
But I have to ask,
if you don't get a scholarship,
how will you
pay for school?
I've never been
afraid of hard work.
I will get a job, take out
loans, do whatever it takes.
Well, I think Pressman's
a good choice for you.
But just remember tuition
is over $50,000 a year now.
But you're a clever girl.
You'll find a way.
Thank you for agreeing
to meet with me.
Not like you really
gave me a choice.
Tell my parents?
You kidding me?
You--and you can't keep
showing up at my house
like that.
I had to get your
attention somehow.
You look nice.
You smell nice too.
So how'd your alumni
interview go?
Went well.
What, that's all I get?
It went well?
Mark, I can't
keep seeing you.
It's... just not right.
Ashley, let me help you.
I won't hurt you.
Yeah, you will.
I--I can't even tell you
how royally pissed I am at you
right now, acting all
holier than thou,
when you're hitting it
with Mark.
Probably getting paid,
too, huh?
At least I know what I am.
No, it wasn't like that.
He was helping me.
Okay? He was gonna pay for
college, but I ended it.
It stopped.
Mm. It didn't look stopped.
Well, he's not paying
for college anymore.
So is that stopped
enough for you?
Maybe--maybe now you'll drop
the romantic fantasies,
get real about paying
for college yourself.
You're not worried that
this is all just gonna
blow up in our faces?
My life is exactly
the way I want it to be.
Yours could be too.
Oh, we haven't seen you
in so long.
I know.
What's wrong, Ashley?
Is everything okay at home?
Have I done something
to offend you?
Linda, I--I--I'm sorry.
My life is--
is just complicated.
Come back
and tutor the kids.
We all want you
in our lives. Hmm.
Yeah, I'll tutor them.
Um, but just after school.
I have to be home
before 5:00.
Is this about Mark?
Because, you know,
he's crazy about you.
We'll pick a day next week.
I gotta go.
We are moving up
in the world.
I've been seeing
Walter Telfair,
hedge fund super dude.
Ha ha.
I think I did an art project
with his little girl once.
Walter has dads he wants us
all to meet this weekend at
his place.
An art dealer for you, Gilli,
some super ex-athlete for you,
and a mega rich
math geek for you, Ash.
And, get this, $1,000 each.
No emo crap,
no heart break.
In or out, Ash.
It's now or never.
This is just about
money for college.
It's not prostitution.
In or out?
I'm in.
Really dig in.
Much harder.
I don't want to hurt you.
You need a vision,
something that screams you.
Look at Irvin Pressman.
Do you know his work?
Yeah, I loved his still
life from his fashion
to his portraits.
Maybe I could help you
find your vision.
It's all right.
It's okay.
I am
Come here.
I want your friend.
Walter wants you now.
You'll be fine. Just go.
I am
Hold me
- I'm outta here.
- Gilli, wait.
- Not cool.
- I don't care.
But I need you
to promise me
you won't say a word
about this to anyone.
Huh. Don't worry.
I'm too ashamed
to tell anybody.
Oh, this is lovely.
I could tell you
the providence of every
item in this room.
That would be a terrible
waste of our time.
Would you like me to...
( school bell rings )
Let me see it.
In this highly
competitive admission season,
we are pleased to offer you
a place in our freshmen class.
The life you always wanted.
I told you.
They offered me a partial
work-study scholarship
and financial aid program,
but it's not enough.
Stick with me, girlfriend.
Like I have a choice.
Let me see it.
It's so exciting.
Oh. Oh, you scared me.
Um, we're gonna
go this way.
I'm so stoked for you.
Check this out.
This new college look
is really hot.
Hey, babe, can I talk
for a sec?
Have I told you lately how
great you are with the kids?
I just think it'd be
great if you'd spend
more time with them.
You know, take them
to swimming.
Help them with their homework,
especially now that work's
let up a little.
I'll help too, of course.
What about Ashley though?
I mean, the kids and I,
we really love her.
Yeah, I just don't think
we need Ashley anymore.
Is this about money?
I'm confused.
No. Ashley's leaving
to school next year.
Might as well make
the break now.
Hey, we're a team.
We don't need anybody's
help to raise our kids, huh?
So if the velocity vector
of the airplane is V
and the wind is W, then
the velocity of the airplane
relative to
the ground is what?
Can you feel the velocity
of my beating heart?
So lame.
You like that.
If I get it right,
will you kiss me?
If you don't, I won't.
U equals V plus W.
What, do I still taste
like beef jerky?
No. You taste great.
Uh, what's this? Uh-oh.
I'm falling for a player.
I can't trust him?
No, I know you like me.
Well, look at you,
all self-confident.
I do like you, and
you can trust me.
And I like you.
I really--no,
I really do.
I'm feeling a but.
Where's the but?
I--I just--we're both going
to different schools.
It seems crazy
to start something now.
If you're not into me, just
have the balls to say it.
I'm just--I'm just not
that much fun right now.
My parents are broke.
I--I'm working my ass off
trying to figure out how
to pay for college.
I understand.
But I'm not gonna give up.
I really don't want you to.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Rachel is busy that afternoon,
but I'm sending Louise.
You'll love her.
Okay. Thanks.
How could you be so stupid?
I just forgot
my pills. Okay?
Shoot me.
- Is Jack the dad?
- Back off.
If she knew, at least
he could pay for the abortion.
Whoa. Who says anything
about an abortion?
Are--are you retarded?
She can't have a baby.
Why not? What, 'cause
it's inconvenient?
Tons of couples
would adopt this baby.
Okay. W--will you clue in
Miss Naive?
Listen to me.
This is your decision.
Whatever you want to do,
I support you.
And what am I gonna
tell my parents?
They're gonna kill me.
Well, if you get rid of it,
you won't have to tell them.
Okay, Rachel. None of us
wanted this to happen,
but it did.
All right?
It may screw up your plans,
but you can make new plans.
This is a baby
we're talking about.
Dr. Davis, telephone, please.
Dr. Davis, telephone, please.
This is not how
it's supposed to be.
I'm supposed to be
in love or married.
I'm not ready to be
a mom, not like this.
I'm such a freakin' idiot.
This is not a choice.
This is a nightmare.
Stop beating yourself up.
You made a mistake,
but there are people
here you can talk to.
I know all the choices.
They all suck.
And where the hell
is Rachel?
I can't believe
she's bailing on me.
I totally can.
Janet Moss.
Want me to
come in with you?
I love you, but I
have to do this alone.
How's Janet?
Huh. Like you give a damn.
Doctors' offices
freak me out. Okay?
I--I'll call her.
That'd be nice.
Walter asked if
you're free this weekend.
Apparently he thinks
you're a hottie.
God, can't you just
give it a rest for a day?
Okay. I'm the only one
looking out for us.
Without me, neither of
you could pay for college.
Are you kidding?
This is the only thing
that you can think about.
I'm outta here.
Gilli, wait.
I got waitlisted
because of you.
I'm sorry?
You can't pay for it.
Everybody knows your family
is out-of-work losers.
Oh, that's weak, Harper.
That the best you got?
You'll never fit in.
You're not a Pressman girl.
What's a Pressman girl,
some stuck up rich bitch
who couldn't get in
without Daddy's money?
Oh, that's right.
You didn't get in.
You pathetic loser.
A pathetic loser
who's going to Pre--
Oh, come on, ass hat.
Come on.
Let's go. Come on.
let's go!
You can't change who you are.
And so you'll always
be a miserable bitch.
Better make me
look fabulous.
Ashley, meet Tiffany,
an old friend.
Walter, what's going on?
Let's take some
real pictures.
I'll talk to him.
It won't happen again.
Ugh. I feel dirty.
I don't want
to end up like her.
I want out.
You--you want out?
You--you want out of--
of what?
Pressman? Berkeley?
'Cause this is your ticket out
of your parents' broke-ass life.
Hey, I will find another
way to pay for school.
If I can't figure it out,
I'll go to community college.
But I can't do this.
I thought, hey,
I'll get my degree.
I can forget about it,
just act like it didn't happen.
But, look, I can't--
I can't. I can't.
It's--it's your life.
But promise me
you'll keep quiet.
Here they are,
my two star students.
Hey, Joe, you're gonna
have to build another shelf
to put this award on.
No kidding.
But you did it.
You worked your butt off.
You made sacrifices.
Good job.
- Oh.
- So proud of you.
Thank you, Daddy.
Look at this--
Hey, it's so great
to see you again.
What are you doing here?
Uncle Walter, Aunt Sharon's
been wondering where you were.
Thanks, hon.
God, it's hard to tell
who looks more terrified
back there, you
or Uncle Walter.
He's always had the hots
for young girls,
the old horn dog.
It was so great
to see you again.
Usually he buys
them fabulous gifts.
So what did you get?
You have an
overactive imagination.
We met at a meeting
of entrepreneurs.
We talked for five minutes.
That's it.
Do you know what would
be really amazing?
If he gave you cash.
You are so out of line.
I bet at the admissions
office at Pressman
would just get
a huge kick out of this.
Goody-goody Ashley's
a hooker.
You're disgusting.
You can't just make up crap
and spread it around.
Save it.
How about this?
Withdraw from Pressman,
I'll keep my mouth shut.
Don't, and I will tell
the school, the media,
basically the whole world.
Think about it.
Hey, here you go.
Hey, love the dress,
so cute. Here you go.
Hey, hon, I, uh,
I have to stay late.
I'm working
the Rumson case.
I think you need
to come home.
I assume you
read the article.
Yeah, yeah.
Nasty rumor.
Sad if it was true.
Does this, um, have anything
to do with you and Ashley?
What? No.
Honey, come--
Then why did she say
she had to leave by 5:00,
before you got home?
Did you have sex
with Ashley?
Don't lie to me.
- Linda...
- Don't.
Don't touch me.
Linda, I thought
I was losing you.
Okay? I felt like old news.
Ashley, she thought
the world of me.
What? Are--are you trying
to blame this on me?
It's on the years,
on the routine.
Honey, it's--
I just wanted to feel
powerful and exciting,
like the way Ashley saw me.
Oh, what am I supposed
to do with that, huh?
Go ahead, honey.
You know, feed your
vanity with a child.
Mark, she's a child.
Linda, I made a mistake,
but I love you. Okay?
What if someone did
that to our daughter?
Get out.
Get out of this house and
don't come near our children.
Trashy hoes.
Want to have
some fun later?
How about them old guys?
Hey, baby,
I got five bucks.
How about Joey's dad?
Skeevie hoes need to
stay away from our guys.
Is it true, what
Harper's been saying?
- Leave her alone.
- You shut up.
I'm sorry.
I was desperate.
Is that why you
won't sleep with me?
'Cause I didn't pay you?
No, no.
I really like you.
I just--I was afraid
I'd embarrass you
if this came out.
I'm s--I'm supposed
to be grateful that you
wouldn't sleep with me.
Daniel--Daniel, please.
Know what? Maybe you
should have paid me.
Girls from your high school
are turning tricks
to pay for college?
You're not a part
of this, are you?
My college fund was gone.
We needed money.
I didn't know what to do.
That's no excuse.
Ashley, you were not
raised this way.
Mark made it
seem so simple.
He'd pay for college if I...
Wh--if you what?
Made him happy.
I ought to kill him.
- He's got a daughter.
- I ended it.
I made a mistake.
Was he the only one?
There was one other.
Okay. Okay.
I had so much
respect for you.
I had hopes, high hopes,
that you were just gonna
go and--why?
I'm so sorry, Daddy.
It's gonna get bad.
It's alleged that
top students
at this beloved high
school are turning tricks
to finance college.
I just got called in.
Does he know?
Everybody knows.
Harper threatened
to ruin me.
She's making good
on that threat.
I am so pissed at you
for getting us dragged into
your Pressman competition.
Pissed at me?
Are you kidding?
What, are you guys gonna
hang this on me now?
No, but if you're
wondering if I'm gonna
tell the truth, I am.
- Are the rumors true?
- Who was involved?
Damn it.
Well, the media's
buzzing around,
phone's ringing off the hook,
parents demanding that I suspend
or expel you,
which I'm not going to do
based on rumors and innuendo
of other students.
But if I get
sufficient evidence...
I find it hard to believe
that the three of you could
have done this.
And I can't stand up
for you if I don't know
what's going on.
Help me help you.
I needed--
It was my idea.
We all needed
money for college
but I got carried away.
I turned Ashley's
tutoring business
into a hooking ring.
Mr. Brown?
Mr. Brown, please,
did they tell Pressman?
You've broken the law.
Pressman is the least
of your worries.
I'm sure you're aware
how serious this is.
The DA wants a formal
before making a decision
on what charges to file.
Each of you will have a turn
to tell us what happened.
Just tell us the truth,
from the beginning.
So if I got this straight,
this was all Rachel's idea?
But I was already doing
it with Mark Riley.
Mark and Linda hired me
to tutor their kids.
He was...
He offered to help me
with my essays.
He knew I was freaked
about college,
that there was no way
I could pay for it.
He offered to help pay
for tuition if--
I wanted to go to Pressman
so badly, so badly.
He said that we would
make each other happy.
Ashley, are you saying
that Mark Riley pushed
you to have sex?
I don't know if
I'll ever sleep at night
knowing how much I screwed
up my life
and hurt Linda
and her kids.
Was Mark the only one
who paid you for sex?
- Daddy!
- Daddy!
Come here. Come here.
Come here.
Now, stop--stop.
I've asked your parents
to join us
because you have admitted
to being the organizer
of this ring, which makes
you subject to arrest.
Do you still stand by
your previous statement?
She needs to consult
her attorney.
If that's how you want
to go, we can drag this out,
arrest your daughter,
put your family through
the circus of a trial.
But if Rachel sticks
to her statement,
we can keep her name out
of the media,
make sure the DA knows
she cooperated,
and she'll
get a good deal.
- Listen--
- Dad, please.
- No, you can't.
- Dad, stop.
Just stop.
You know, everyone was
worried about getting busted.
Weirdly, I--I wasn't.
I never th--I never believed
it could happen, not one time.
I'm not stupid.
I have my whole life
in front of me.
If I thought we'd ever
get caught, I ne--
I never would have done it.
But, Dad, I did.
And even worse,
I dragged my friends into it.
Detective, please place
Miss Foster under arrest.
No. Dad.
Don't worry, sweetie.
We'll get you the best attorney.
I'm so sorry.
Well, we'll
come see you soon.
Rachel, we gotta go.
Okay. What's the deal?
These girls are children,
Mr. Riley.
And you preyed upon
a young woman
in desperate
financial straits.
You exploited her, which in
my book enhances the charges.
- Ashley is not a--
- Save it.
Here are the terms.
You and the other men will
register as sex offenders,
take a course
in sex addiction.
You will also take
a parenting class,
if you wish to stay in
your homes with your children.
Oh, wait. Hold on.
Register as sex offenders?
I'll be disbarred.
For what, consensual sex?
If you break one
of these conditions,
I'll try you
for the rape of a minor.
And you will be put
away for ten years.
Is that clear?
I know what I did
to you and the kids.
I don't expect
to be forgiven for it.
I don't think you
meant to hurt us.
But you did.
You were amazing to me,
encouraging me,
supporting me.
And I have to live with what
I did for the rest of my life.
You know the worst part?
I hate what he took
from you.
And what that did to me
and the kids.
We're getting a divorce.
There's a part of me
that will always love him.
I can't believe we're
not a family anymore.
We're required to report
any change in your
academic status.
Pressman has an honor code,
and you violated it.
They've rescinded
your acceptance.
I worked
my whole life for this.
I saw my future.
Now I see nothing,
just a big black hole
of nothing.
Hofully, you've
learned your lesson.
Now if you'll excuse me.
Uh, did Harper get in
off the waitlist?
She did.
I--this is ridiculous, right?
Rachel goes to jail, but
these guys, these rich guys,
these child rapists,
they go free?
How is that justice?
They could have made us
go through an expensive
and humiliating trial.
I could have gone
to jail instead of a year
of community service.
Four years' probation.
Well, that's not
a problem, Mom.
I don't plan on getting
into any more trouble, ever.
It's over.
I know what I did,
and I know what it cost me.
I just hope you guys
can forgive me.
I don't know if
I'll ever forgive myself.
Hey, we love you.
And nothing is
ever gonna change that.
Thank you.
And since we're all
banned from the ceremony,
we decided to bring
graduation to you.
Guess who the grad speaker is.
- Bieber?
- Harper.
Okay, this is
her prime time right now.
It's all downhill
for her after this.
Give me that.
There it is.
It should be you up on that
stage getting all the glory.
I'm sorry.
You did not make me
do any of this.
I did it to myself,
but it's done.
You're gonna
be outta here soon,
and we can get
the show on the road.
Cheers, to a
brighter future.
- Yes.
- Cheers.
Small vanilla soy
latte, no whip.
Thank you.
HI. Can I--
How are you?
You know,
community college.
And a UC?
That's the plan, if
I can sell enough lattes.
God, you look great.
- Oh.
- How's art school?
Totally intimidating.
I'm like the least
talented person there.
Oh, come on.
You always
undersold yourself.
Except when it counted.
You were the only one
who had enough self-respect
to say no to Rachel.
Do you still talk to her?
Only when she
wants a latte.
Janet and I make, you know,
fake plans, but you and I could.
Oh, I go back tomorrow,
but next time.
- Coffee?
- Yes.
Yes, you know.
I do.
Oh, hang on.
Please, it's on me.
Really great
to see you, Gilli.
You too, Ash.