1
Dude, I can't believe that
this is actually happening Zach.
I know I know I keep feeling like
I'm going to wake up from a dream.
- You want me to pinch you?
- Yes.
Alright.
- You said pinch!
- I'm sorry. Do me.
Shit! This is actually happening.
You're right.
We need to chill out.
We can't look like dorks
on our first day out.
Okay.
Alright.
Oh my god.
Yeah Dickface!
It's beautiful man.
It's just beautiful.
Good evening gentlemen.
It's daytime.
Mr. President.
So it is.
You boys are ready
to be inducted.
Yes Mr. President.
See, as new Alpha's these boys
have to call me Mr. President
or else they get punched
in the dick.
Boys, this is Charity. This is Faith.
Girls this is Zach and uh...
- What is it? Christian?
- Cameron.
Boys, welcome to 24-hour
party machine man!
Someone get these boys a beer
and a hand job.
- You alright man?
- I'm just so happy.
I love this place.
Alright girls
put your shirts back on,
we're going downstairs
for the Induction ceremony.
Not you.
You're meet me in my room.
Yes Mr. President.
See fellas, that right there...
never gets old.
Alright fellas quit fucking around
we got some cherries to pop
and some serious partying to do!
Oh shit, did you hear
what he just said.
Oh my god.
We're not even at
the serious partying yet.
It's even better then I imagined.
The average male graduate
makes $125,000 per year,
meanwhile the average
female graduate
make $41,500 per year.
- This is bullshit.
- Yes! It is bullshit Misty.
And why would these women
put up with such inequitable
excusable desperaties,
somehow the women or sterling
college get it in their heads
that being married to
one of these successful men
is just as good
as being successful themselves.
Which is a bunch of hoowie!
Yes?
Is the Astronaut single?
What?
That's not the point.
The point is that we work so hard
to get into this college.
We're just not here
for the parties,
the sex, and to land
some rich husband. Right?
Then what are you here
Ms. Kramer?
It is Ms. Kramer isn't it?
- Kelly Kramer?
- Associate Dean Marshall.
Yes, I know who I am.
So...
This is Delta Pi Sorority.
I heard you were meeting.
Even though
you don't have a house.
I say it shows resolved.
I say it shows resolve.
It's pathetic!
And not only that, it's unfair.
Especially when you consider
how many houses
of fraternities have,
am I right ladies?
- Yeah.
- Defiantly.
Sterling college has always offered
more opportunities
to it's male students.
You really think that you
and your quote unquote sorority
can over turn 50 years
of history?
Yes! I do!
I was hoping you'd say that.
Gentlemen.
Today you enter an
elite brotherhood
established by
our founders in 1963.
Just as Sterling College is
know as the cradle of awesome,
Alpha house is known as a place
where awesome
goes to get it's freak on.
Now, are you ready to uphold
the tradition of this fraternity?
If yes, let me hear you say yeah.
- Yeah!
- Good.
Do you swear
to never speak ill of her.
- Let me hear you say "Yeah".
- Yeah!
To never let her hallow halls
fall silent.
To never let her kegs
run empty.
And to never ever
let the party die.
Fuck yeah!
Now, suck the guys dick
on your immediate left.
What?
- Really?
- No, I was just messing with you.
I just wanted to see
if you'd really do it.
I have nobody to my left.
Gentlemen.
Welcome to Alpha House.
- Hey! Who turned off the lights?
- What the fuck?
I'm sorry Mr. Kroger.
Am I interrupting something?
Of course not.
It's always an honor to be visited
by our associate Dean.
I see you're inducting
a fresh batch of perverts,
drunks, and future fellons.
How fratuitous that I found you
in a very excepting frame of mind.
You thinking about pledging?
It's very flattering
but unfortunately
we're about the capacity
for the year.
Though the peace offering
with the strippers
was not a bad move.
I see they went for
the naughty bookworm look.
What you couldn't throw
in one sexy cop?
You see? This is why I'm here.
For too long Alpha House
has been the a bastian
for sex, drugs...
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
It's not a good thing!
It's everything that's wrong
with Sterling College!
But we are going
to transform it
into a shining example
of everything
that Sterling College has to offer.
Opportunity. Diversity.
- Equality.
- Can you get to the point?
I'm sobering up over here.
Gentlemen.
- Meet your new brothers.
- Hello boys.
As of tonight,
I am making Alpha House
officially... CoEd.
- No you can't.
- I can and I did.
Dean Bungalon
would never approve of this.
No. I doubt Dean Bungalon
would give approval
to such a dramatic change
to his old fraternity.
But luckly fraternity matters,
fall under the preview
of the Associate Dean.
Which is me.
This is bullshit!
- What's your name potty mouth?
- Cameron.
Is there something on
your feeble mind Cameron?
You can't just change
a frat like this. This isn't fair!
And having a Sorority
without a house is?
Excellent return Renee!
He means not fair to the girls.
It's still a frat.
You can bring a whole
bunch of girls in here
but they're gonna have to live
with a whole bunch of guys.
You think it's fair to make girls
live in that kind of environment?
Excellent point
Cameron's friend.
Zach.
Don't care.
With Alpha House being CoEd,
It is now written by state
and federal laws,
which forbid anyone
from making a member of
the opposite sex feel harassed,
disentranced, or
other wise uncomfortable.
It means you horn dogs
will dial down the debauchery.
Significantly.
How significantly?
This place is going to make the Mormon
tabernacle look like Mardi Gras.
Everybody will be
on their best behavior.
Or else, you're out.
Out of Alpha House?
Out of Alpha House.
Out of Sterling College.
Poop out of luck!
Ladies.
Why don't know go
make yourselves at home.
Girls.
Can someone please
buy some air freshener?
This is a disaster.
I'm outta here.
- Where you going?
- Sorry dudes.
I was only in this stupid frat only
for the booze and the cooze.
What about brotherhood?
What about never letting
the party die?
Dude, look around.
The party is dead.
I should be in elbows deep
in Co-Ed trim right now.
Instead of watching these
Delta Pi lesbos
turn our front door
into a chastity belt.
Adios losers.
Enjoy your castration.
Come on! Seriously guys!
Wait what?
Bye, bye.
Well...
Looks like you're the defecto
president potty mouth.
Congrats.
Alright, listen up.
This is how it's going to work.
You two are gonna divide
up the house equally.
I'm putting this on both
your shoulders.
- Got it?
- Got it.
Good.
So this is how it's gonna work.
You guys are gonna get
the rooms in the back,
and we get the rooms
in the front.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
You are talking to the acting
Alpha House president here.
Okay? If anybody decides
who gets what rooms is me.
Okay, so what do you suggest?
Girls in the front, guys in the back.
And you can share
your room with me.
I'll pass. How many bathrooms
are in this hell hole?
2 upstairs. 1 down here.
We each get one upstairs,
the one downstairs is for guests,
and the living room and
the kitchen are common areas.
- Does that work for you?
- Yes.
Make it so.
Right.
Who is that?
I am not sure but I think
she wants to fuck me!
That's not gonna happen.
Oh yeah we'll see
about that sweetie.
Oh. Melanie?
Zach.
Oh my god.
What are you doing here?
I just transferred.
I was over at state last semester.
Well hello there, smelanie.
Cameron. Wow.
Didn't miss that!
Melanie. Upstairs now.
- We're having a meeting.
- Okay.
Well, I guess I will be seeing you
around the house then?
Yeah, I guess so.
This place is repulsive.
Is that a used condom?
Ladies please!
I know these are not
the best of arrangements.
And no matter what those
cavemen downstairs think,
This place is as much our
as it is theirs.
The road is gonna be rough.
It's gonna be dirty.
And occasionally will have
a used condom in it.
But we can do this.
Sisters on 3.
- 1, 2, 3...
- This is bullshit! Alright.
We can't have chicks living here.
I totally agree.
Yo that brunette,
I'd love to have
her Canadian swirl,
on a ford bronco on 4 flat tires.
Dude, what?
- Makes zero sense dude.
- Look, guys this is our house!
Those girls are invaders
in our territory.
Cameron and I wanted to be Alpha's
for as long as I can remember,
and I am not throwing
that dream that the shitter
- because of some chicks.
- Me too dude but,
my dream did not include
a pussy embargo.
You guys are missing
the bigger picture here.
Did you see the talent that
just walked into this house?
At this moment
the rooms above our heads
are being stocked with
some pretty decent inventory.
This house is basically
a cosco full of vag, right?
And if we play our cards right,
we might be getting
some free samples!
Besides, how bad could it be
living with girls?
- What's going on?
- They're... cleaning.
Nice work ladies!
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?
Just because you're comfortable
living like pigs
doesn't mean we have to be.
Pink! What the hell?
- What's going on?
- They're painted this room.
So?
They're painting this room... Pink!
I fucking hate pink.
I could get use
to the view though.
Though I definiely give them
both cherry twisters.
Enjoying the view?
- Yeah.
- What did you say?
- We were just...
- Right.
You know these paint fumes
are making me kinda dizzy.
Oh! Yeah me too.
You wanna...
Get outta here?
- Definitely
- Okay.
Bang-o-rang.
Thank you.
Where you going?
Where you going?
Where you going?
Perv!
- I'm going to kill you.
- Feisty! I like that!
I like that! Help me.
What happened?
I caught jersey shore here
staring at me
through my bedroom door!
Whoa! Kiss my taint, alright?
I am way cooler then those
Jersey Shore douchebags!
I'm taking this to Marshall!
Whoa! Okay!
Pause right there alright.
Nobody has to take anything
to Dean Marshall.
How about, You promise to stay
in your part if the house
and we'll promise to stay in ours.
But... but we get
the basement, okay?
You guys got to go all Martha Stewart
on the rest of the house.
We get one place that's
just ours just like we like it.
Deal?
If I catch you
looking at me again,
I'm turning your balls
into a keychain.
Is that a promise?
I love her.
What?
They're taking this place over.
Then what the fuck
are we doing about it?!
Cause I am one
ass hair away from leaving.
We do what we do best.
- And that would be?
- We be guys.
We do everything we can to run
the Deltas out of this place.
And back to the lecture hall
from where they came.
Then we take Alpha house
back for ourselves.
What about Marshall's big plan?
What's he gonna do about it
if they leave voluntary?
What about the bitchy one?
Leave her to me.
You boy ready for this?
- Oh yeah.
- Good.
We start at sun up.
Wake up! Wake up!
No shirt. Let's go! Get out!
No shirt! Nope!
Listen up recruits!
As acting president of Alpha House
it's my resposibility,
Strike that.
My pleasure
to ensure that you have
the proper induction in this
most honorable institution.
Being an Alpha
is a goddamn privilege.
A god damn privillage!
And like any privilege it's earned
through hard work.
- Is that right gentlemen?
- Hoo-rah!
Give me a break.
New recruits will as for permission
before speaking to the president!
Speak to this!
What is your name, recruit?
Kelly Kramer.
- Do you have a middle name?
- Fuck off.
Oh. Pretty.
People call you K2?
- Nobody calls me...
- Here's the deal K2.
Just as generations
of Alphas before you.
You and your little femme
bots here
are going to have
to endure some...
minor inconveniences
to demonstrate you are worthy
for a spot in this house.
If any of you can't handle it,
you are welcome to leave.
Bring it shit weasel.
Play your little games.
Get that frat bullshit
out of your system.
But guess what,
we're still gonna be here.
Are we done?
You are dismissed.
Whatever. Girls.
That didn't go as planned.
No it did not.
They have to leave!
Oh they will.
I have a plan.
- Excuse me ladies.
- Hey!
- I'm so sorry.
- Dude!
- We were watching that.
- We are watching this now.
Oh god!
And this is how they pay
for college.
Alright K2. You have a choice
of "Hole filled with cock",
Brazilian Whores in Vegas.
Looks like that won an award,
or white men can hump.
Oh sorry,
don't have a TV in my room.
Oh no problem. Boys!
- Go to go boss.
- Good. Thank you.
Alright!
White men can hump it is!
Alright let's get those
tits bouncing!
Nice!
- Home movie?
- Uh sorry.
It's part of... you know.
It's alright hey I might
even learn a thing or two.
I...
Gotta go.
This is not why
I joined your stupid sorority.
Change is never easy Renee.
We're not about to let
some smutty videos break us.
We will persevere.
Hello ladies!
We got a treat for you.
Hand out the shirts.
What is this?
Oh we thought that the house
could use a little more solidarity.
So what each and everyone one
of you is going to do
is think of the sluttiest thing
you have ever done on the first date
write it on the shirt
and wear it to dinner.
- No way!
- Why not? Come on!
We're doing it too.
See. Solidarity!
Besides president's orders,
right Cameron?
- Fucking A!
- See you all at dinner.
I'm not doing this.
Yes you are. We all are.
Think of all the women who stood up
for what they believe is right.
Elizabeth Blackwell.
- Susie B. Anthony.
- Snooky!
If those women could endure
all they had to go through,
surely we can endure this!
Right ladies?
All of you start writing.
And be truthful.
We wouldn't want
to compromise our integrity.
Jessica.
I said be truthful.
Shit.
Here.
I made these for you.
Dude! I don't know
what the fuck this is!
Oh relax! Right.
I'm on it.
Is it working?
Alright. Titty cam number one
is ready for it's broadcast day.
Sweet.
Let's roll!
Right there. There.
Perfection.
Namaste.
No, no, no. Hold it!
Let's do another one.
Jackpot!
So don't want to go
to psych class today.
Hey how was history yesterday?
Fuck the feminist movement.
Turn around. Turn around.
They make the Disney princess
seem like they're bad.
I mean, "Hello?
They get everything they wanted."
- What the fuck is that?
- Bigfoot.
Hey did you see that?
Assholes!
Zach, you have to check out
this footage.
It's totally epic.
- Maybe later guys.
- Titties.
- Hey there.
- Fuck! Can a guy get some...
Hi.
Studying huh?
- Trying to.
- Just like old times.
You remember our first date?
7th grade... after school
you asked me to meet you...
- In the library.
- Right.
You said you wanted me to help you
with your history assignment
but I seem to remember
what you really wanted
was to feel my boobs.
Under the sweater over the bra
if I remember correctly.
Oh you remember.
- So what are you studying now?
- Oh.
History.
You don't say.
I'll let you get to it.
We should shower together
more often.
Yeah, it's so much fun.
It's good for the environment.
- It is.
- I know!
- Helping bunnies.
- Yeah!
Some perverts!
Do you have to be
such an asshole?
I think you mean
president asshole.
I'm taking this to the Dean.
Ya'll would love to get her
Alabama hot pocket.
I have no idea what that means.
I'll tell you about it later.
Stop making that. Stop.
- I'm on the phone!
- I'm going to lunch.
Be back by one!
Try three.
Yes. Yes.
Well I look forward to speaking
about Virgin Mary more as well.
Yes. Yes. Alpha House project
is moving forward.
Students are getting along.
No, no, no, no, complaints.
And uh if there are
there's always provision 13.
If we have to use it
we most definitely will.
Listen up ladies,
the game has changed.
Before you know it we're gonna
have this house all to ourselves.
- How?
- Like this.
What are you doing?
What we have to do
to take this house.
Saddle up girls.
It's time to blow some minds.
Hey Cameron.
- Hey.
- Hey what's up K2.
Um, I just really wanted
to apologize
for the way
I have been acting lately.
- Really?
- Yeah, you know.
I know it must be weird
being forced to live
with a whole bunch of women.
It's a lot to take in all at once.
That's cool.
We've been having fun.
Yeah, totally. Us too.
Anyways, the girls and I kinda want
to offer you a peace offering.
- Oh. A peace offering?
- Yeah.
You know, for all the trouble
we caused you.
It's the least we can do.
So... dinner tonight
at the house.
- On us?
- Sure. Sounds good.
Perfect. I'll see you then.
And remember to dress nice.
We got something
really special planned.
Alright.
- See ya.
- Okay, bye.
God.
Good evening gentlemen.
We your alpha sisters
would like to thank you
for welcoming us
so warmly into your home.
As a token of our gratitude,
we prepared a very special meal
for you tonight.
One that I think you'll remember
for a very long time.
Please take a seat.
Enjoy your dinner boys.
I don't know about you fellas
but I am famished.
Time for stage 2.
Yes.
Associate Dean Marshall please.
Don't you like what you see?
Everything looks delicious.
Help yourself.
No, no, no, no.
No! No, no, no, no.
Relax Relax. Okay.
Do you have any wasabi?
Of course.
Bang-o-rang.
Dude, they're just boobs.
No, no, no, no. He's chocking!
- Oh my god!
- Does anybody know the heimlich?
Everybody relax, I'm a lifeguard.
Careful.
- Geez are you okay?
- Am I okay? Look at my face!
- Asshole!
- What's going on?
Oh.
I'd say I was disappointed,
that doesn't quite cover.
- Disrespected Irate Melancholy...
- Pissed off!
- I think does it.
- It's a good one.
Because of your antics,
and heinous treatment of sushi
I've been forced to expel
members of your fraternity
for indecency and fraternization.
And I particularly expected
more from you Ms. Kramer.
- Me too.
- Shut up potty mouth.
I'm so sorry Sir.
It won't happen again.
Good.
Because I will not hesitate
to put each and everyone of you
out in the street,
if you cannot follow the rules.
That is all.
I'm so sorry.
Edgar's gone.
So, what are we done?
We're just getting started.
We dial it up a notch.
We just can't get caught
in the process.
One man eliminated, but now...
we've lost two of our own.
That was sloppy.
From now on we play smarter.
We play harder.
We can't afford to have
anymore casualties.
That's awesome.
Chuckie, you sure
it's gonna work?
Dude, please. I switched
the DVDs this morning.
Well... This is
going to be educational.
Good afternoon.
My presentation
is on Pompeii.
In 79 A.D. the Italian city
of Pompeii was destroyed
by the sudden
and devastating eruption
of Mount Vesuvius.
For centuries before
this ruin however,
Pompeii was
a thriving metropolis
A place of wealth
and abundance.
In fact, it's citizens produced
works of art,
dance and music.
Still admired till this day.
You don't say.
Thanks.
Little did the people know
the dangers lurking
in the peeks
and mountains near by.
Shit!
Stop!
I'm gonna kill your children
and your children's children.
Uh! Come on!
Fuck!
So, Abby seems
to think you guys
have something to do
with her presentation...
I assure you
we had nothing to do
with the destruction of Pompeii.
Whatever.
I'm sorry that Edgar
got kicked out last night.
Yeah.
Same about Jessica and Katie.
Who would have thought
that Associate Dean Douchebag
was actually a man of his word.
Still not sure why he showed up
at that exact moment though.
It's bad luck I guess.
Hey.
Do you remember
that night in High School
when we were in
Johnny Peterson's basement
and you threw up
all over his coffee table?
Oh! Yes.
I told his mom
I was sick with the flu.
Did not have the heart to tell her
that we got into his dad's liquor.
Yeah, I drank you
under the table that night.
- What?!
- I'm just saying
you are kind of a lightweight.
- Oh really?
- Really.
Really.
Really?
Ladies and Gentlemen
welcome to sit or strip.
The rules are simple.
You flip this coin
and call it in the air.
You're right, you take a shot.
Get it wrong, you remove an article
of clothing and take a shot.
If you pass out
or end up naked you're out.
- The last man...
- Uh...
or woman...
standing wins the game.
There are no prizes.
This is simply a challenge
to determine the better sex.
- Are you ready?
- Yeah!
- I said are you fucking ready?
- Yeah!
Good! Let the games begin.
- Tails.
- Tails! Tails! Tails!
Alright!
So beating you right now.
Alright. Then let's finish this.
Heads.
Easy now.
- I want a rematch.
- Okay lie back.
Because you are very,
very drunk right now.
We can't do this.
Zach.
Hey.
Light Weight.
So, what is it this time?
What am I doing here?
How did I get here?
You pig!
What the hell is going on here?
Exactly what I said what happen
when one of your boys
cross the line.
- What? No body...
- I found them
with a few of my girls
in their rooms.
Oh! Sounds pretty
consensual to me.
No, it sound like you conspired
to get them drunk
so you can take
advantage of them.
Oh! Horse shit!
You were there!
I suggest you boys begin
adhering to the rules.
Otherwise, You'll all be looking
for a new home.
Kelly is gonna wipe us out
if we don't get some help.
I think I know just the person.
Yo. Who is that?
That my boys
is my cousin Natalie.
She's our inside man.
Cameron.
Boys.
I heard you need some help.
Yeah, you have no idea.
Come on, baby.
What about that?
Oh yeah.
God!
- Dean Marshall
- I am busy Stephanie!
- He's busy.
- I don't give a rat's ass!
Marshall! What the devil
are you up to?
Dean Bungalon.
I'm not quite sure
what you are referring to.
Alpha House?
You're trying to launch
some kind of CoEd program?
Yes yes, the uh first of it's
kind in the state in fact.
Very progressive.
And certainly within
my remit as Associate Dean.
But I hear it has resulted
in the ejection of some students
from the faternity.
Yes, it's an unfortunate
but necessary.
My ass.
I cannot for the life
of me figure out
why you would think
is a good idea
to put a bunch of sexed up
young adults under one roof.
What did you think
was going to happen?
The benefits of the program
far out way the risks.
Making the Greek system
CoEd fosters a unity
between the genders,
and offers for a more...
cohesive living situation.
But no fraternization
with the opposite sex?
You're suppressing
their natural urges.
- Hell when I was an Alpha...
- Yes. Yes. We...
all know about the old days
when you were went Greek sir.
The point is students come
to Sterling College
to learn and to have fun.
Not to be put into some
social experiment.
I appreciate your concern sir.
I don't know
what your end game is Marshall,
But if I get a call that this
little plan of yours went tits up...
It's your ass.
- Not mine.
- Tits up my ass.
Got it.
Will there be anything else? Sir?
No.
Carry on with um...
Whatever it is that you do in here.
Ladies. This is Natalie.
She just transferred to Sterling.
So please make her feel at home.
- Hi Natalie.
- Hey
- I'm Emery.
- I'm Allison.
- Any progress with Kelly?
- No progress there.
That is wrapped tighter then
a condom on Peter North's dick.
Just keep on trying to break
that hymen okay?
If you see any opportunity
to take some leverage, take it.
Roger that.
I love you cousin.
I need you to do
some research for me.
I think we have a double agent
in our midst.
Find out everything you can
from that new girl Natalie.
I'm on it.
Time to turn up the heat.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
Okay not-not in here.
This is our basement okay?
This is our territory.
Haven't you heard
about burlesquercise?
Okay but...
5 minutes.
Umm, you could make it 10.
Yeah go sexy.
Yeah.
Oh.
I think I want more.
Alright.
Yeah baby.
There we go.
Sexy!
- Oh shit!
- Oh!
What is going on in here?
So close.
Dude, we should all
just leave the house, okay?
We're dropping like flies.
I wish I could get Allison
to drop her pants.
I bet her cooz is like fine china.
Dude, now
you're just being creepy.
Guys we can do this.
We're Alpha's for Christ sake!
Alright, we'll wear them down.
You'll see.
Umm... You okay?
We're not going to make it.
Not with you girls walking around
the house flaunting your goods.
Flaunting our goods?
We're not built
to defend against this.
It's like you're actually
trying to get us tossed out.
All I ever wanted
is to be an Alpha.
What are you doing?
Flaunting my goods.
Feeling better?
Ah... Yeah.
I need to tell you something.
You're right about us.
Kelly is trying to take over
Alpha House
and turn it into a sorority.
What? How?
It's something called
provision 13.
It states that if the ratio of
either gender falls below 40%
the gender that has the majority,
has control.
That's why you guys
have been getting kicked out
so that we have the majority.
We've been playing you
the entire time.
I'm sorry.
You asshole!
You crossed enemy lines!
I can't believe
you're fucking her!
- Smelenie! Of all of them.
- It was just once!
And a half.
Okay. Look.
I am sorry that I punched you.
But you fucking deserve it,
you know that?
- I know.
- Shit!
Shit!
So what do we do now huh?
Big guy!
I have an idea.
Alright sneak
into Dean Marshall's office,
and find out whatever we can
about this prevision 13 bullshit
and use it against the girls.
Shit security!
- Go, go, go!
- What are you doing?
Okay let's do this.
Quick in and quick out.
- Like your mama?
- Dick.
Okay.
You finding anything?
No!
Dude, dude, dude check it out!
What!?
Got it. Alright now let's rub
our balls all over his office.
- Dibs on his phone!
- Okay!
Shit!
Shit! Come on, come on, come on.
I want you to fuck me
on my freak boss's desk.
Treat me like a bad girl.
You're such a freak wanting
to do it in Marshall's office.
Enjoy it while it's here baby.
Marshall's gon his eye
on the Dean position
at Virgin Mary College.
Prestige. Expensive.
And all girls.
Why do you think he came up
with that freak idea
to CoEd all the fraternities.
He had to show
his commitment in order to seal...
the... deal.
Marshall is such a fucking freak.
He only wants that job
so he can flirt with college girls.
Flip.
Gentlemen.
We are not gonna sit idly by
and watch our beloved fraternities
be stolen from beneath our feet.
From this night forward,
we do everything in our powers
to stop the advancement of Kelly
and the monkey dick lover
that we know
- as Associate Dean douchebag.
- How?
Well...
Enough with the drawings.
Just tell them the plan.
Well first we vow not
to touch the poon.
So keep it in your pants.
Then, those lying,
disingenuous,
fragalent, mendacious, perfidious
whores at their own game.
Who's with us?
Ladies and Gentleman.
Welcome to Greek Charity days
where all proceeds
earned by students
are donated to the charity
of every fraternity
and sororities choice.
Yep. No exactly the turn out
I was expecting.
- But it's... Pretty shitty.
- Yeah it's pretty shitty
The girls seem to be
doing pretty well.
Suspiciously well.
Come and get your kisses!
- Dude give me $10 dollars.
- Dude stop it. Alright.
Hey everyone...
- Look!
- Give money to Chair Titty Day!
Oh are you gonna squirt me
with your big gun?
That will be $75 dollars.
Thanks.
You think you can score?
- Dude we are in trouble man.
- Big trouble.
- Zach.
- Uh Zach?
- Zach who?
- Oh come on Cameron.
Oh! Zach!
He's not here. Do you see him?
Really?
You're that pissed at me?
He says that you lied to him
and that he was bad at the sex.
What did you expect me to do?
I'm trying to fit in.
Be part of the group. Just like you.
You would have done
the same thing.
Probably already have.
He says he has nothing else
to say to you.
Well I have nothing else
to say to him either.
Dude she's cute.
We need to figure something out.
We need to...
- Decent body too.
- We need to get serious!
Hey I have a question if you're
ever done with her you think...
Cam!
- You like her!
- Shut up.
You like Smelanie!
I fucking knew it.
Hey guys Zach like Melanie.
Oh okay,
you get one more of those
and I swear to Christ I'm gonna
punch you right in the gooch.
What you got?
- Almost finished.
- Check it out.
- Nice.
- And the website?
Ready to roll.
5 bucks a day
keep the blue balls away.
Make it 10.
We're getting creamed out there.
- 10 it is.
- Come back time.
I know that Kelly is in this
whole empowerment thing but,
I kinda just want to rage and...
get some dick, you know?
Shit.
Hey Rene can you move
to the right a bit?
Why?
I wanted to get a better look
at your bra. It's really nice.
- You think so?
- Yeah can I see it?
Yeah. I finally splurged
and got myself some nice ones.
Here you go.
Perfecto.
It is nice.
I love your cousin.
Touch her and I'll kill you man.
Literally.
- It's cute.
- It would get me dick.
It definiteluy would.
Nice job boys.
We have a problem.
Camera 7 is offline.
- Which one is that?
- The one in K2's room.
Shit you think she found it?
I don't know.
If she did she'd be in here
cutting our dicks off, right?
Wouldn't she?
Oh fuck.
Dude, so how much
we made so far?
- $12,000 dollars.
- What?
Yeah, and that's
just the first day dude.
I'm telling you Zach
if we keep going like this
we're gonna be able
to buy our own fraternity.
Hey February!
Dude that's like the 3rd time
that's happened to me today.
- What? Called you February?
- Yeah, weird right?
Yeah.
Hello boys.
You'd like your copies
autographed?
Ladies, there's plenty me
to go around.
Um exactly
what am I autographing?
This.
Oh shit!
What happened to my dick?
I know. I'm so sorry.
This is not what I look like!
This is not what I look like!
I have a friend that's really good
at photo editing.
Give me that.
Mine's crooked!
Actually it's a perfect right angle.
- My dick does not look like this!
- Dude calm down.
No. No I will not calm down!
I need the world to know that
I don't have a god damn
90 degree penius!
In fact, I'm gonna show
every body!
Dude keep your pants on.
Keep your pants on.
- This is not over.
- Not yet.
- Come on. No.
- I wanna show'em.
- Kelly.
- What's wrong?
I got the research you asked
for on Natalie.
Cousins?!
Leverage.
Kelly?
Are you there
you bad, bad girl?
What are you guys
doing here?
We got the note from Kelly
and said she wanted to party.
Shit. We've been set up.
Come on we have
to get out of here.
Oh my god!
What are you doing in my room?
With drugs!
And fetish wear.
I told you
they were out of control.
Well Dean Bungalon,
I think you will agree
there really is no choice here.
I agree.
Gentlemen.
Madam.
You're out!
Dude.
Well, that's it then
without these 2 the guys
have less the 40%.
And even without
Miss lady pain here,
we've still got the majority.
Alpha House is ours!
You know it didn't have
to be this way.
We could have changed
Sterling College for the better.
We could have found a way
to live together as equals.
But instead you had to sow
the seeds of discontent.
And you know what happened,
you rapped
the fucking world wind!
That's what happen!
You're sexy when
you're megalomaniacal.
Laugh it up frodo.
But tonight I'll be sleeping
in my nice warm bed.
In this very house.
Where will you be sleeping?
Oh well it's Tuesday so that
would be with your mom!
Oh!
Later losers.
Come on ladies let's go.
I'm really sorry boys.
I wish there was something
I could do.
Yeah, yeah me too but um...
Unfortunately
my hands are tide.
Yeah I'm sure.
Come on guys.
I brought all the paperwork
to officially turn Alpha House
in the Delta Pi Sorority.
All you have to do
is sign right here.
Is there something wrong?
I'm afraid we are going
in a different direction.
You see, CoEd fraternity project
was meant to showcase
how Sterling College fosters
productive interacting
between the genders.
I'm sure you will agree it was
an unmitigated disaster.
I don't understand.
What about provision 13?
Give you the fraternity?
Oh I don't know?
Why don't I also open up a brothel?
After what you girls did?
Oh I don't think so.
I did what you told me to do.
Can you prove that?
Oh! I don't think so.
You have 24 hours
to vacate Alpha House.
That is all.
Girls.
We need to talk.
- Alpha is no longer a fraternity.
- Yeah no shit!
You made sure
of that cruela devil.
We were just following
Marshall's orders.
He told me he wanted to show
how he was a big supporter
of female empowerment
by turning those sexist fraternity
on campus into sorority.
But in the end he just
wanted to shut it down.
- And he used us to do it.
- Wait? Shut it down?
Completely. Abandon.
Boarded up.
We're just as homeless
as you are.
I know that
I don't deserve this.
That we don't deserve this
after what we did but,
We can't back and
watch Alpha House disappear.
- What we?
- Yes we!
That dickweed needs
to get what's coming to him.
Nobody crosses
Kelly Dorothy Kramer.
- Dorothy.
- Shut up!
Now you're gonna help us
get Alpha House back or what?
I don't know. You did already
break our trust once.
Please.
We'll do anything.
Anything?
Looking good ladies.
We're in. Admin Building 2pm.
And don't feel the need to change
in the count of us, okay?
I'm sorry but there
is absolutely nothing I could do
to over turn Associate
Dean Marshall's decision.
What about the Alpha Creed?
Yeah! Once and Alpha
always an Alpha!
I really wish I could help you.
Thank you sir
we really appreciate your time.
Of course...
If Marshall was to lose his position
with the administration,
all of his policies
would be reviewed.
Wh... wait a minute
are you saying that
if we get Dean Marshall
kicked out of the college
that we might be able
to get Alpha House back?
Well the reason for his dismissal
would have to be something...
pretty F'n dishonorable.
Something so scandalous
that the college
would disown all of his decisions.
Just to distance itself from him.
Dishonorable.
Scandalous.
We'll do it.
Of course this conversation
never happened.
Of course. Thank you Dean.
Once an Alpha always an Alpha.
Cameron, you take a team
into Marshall's office.
Place cameras here, here, here.
Roger that.
Once you're in, be fast.
In and out.
But make sure the cameras
are invisible. Undetectable.
We need full coverage.
Right there. Right there.
Go, go, go, go!
Come on let's go!
Whatever he does in that office
we need to see it.
What do you think we'll find?
I don't know but based on
what his assistant said
probably some freaky ass shit.
Did he us ask
to get fucked in the ass
by a chick wearing
a squirrel costume?
Yeah I think so.
I think I just puked
in my mouth a little.
What are we gonna do with
all this Intel after we gather it?
We bait the trap.
Stephanie. I see you're working.
What's this?
Oh, oh, oh my.
I'm going to lunch.
Whatever.
What's the password?
Acorn. Acorn!
Hello. Anyone here?
- Umm, Miss furry Doublestuff?
- Hold on.
Make yourself at home.
Wow, I knew
you had a lot of stuff but...
Oh...
This is so disgusting.
I think you mean
this is so awesome.
Is this what you wanted
Mr. Rosenbush?
Sweet baby Jesus
what am I seeing?
Umm please.
Call me tiger.
His porn name
is tiger Rosenbush?
It's better then mine.
Mocki Mckenley.
- See k2 what you do...
- I know how it works.
And no I'm not
gonna tell you my name.
Okay.
Tiger.
Take your pants off.
Right away Miss Doublestuff.
Almost there.
Boxer briefs.
Oh I couldn't make up my mind.
Loose'em.
Where is it?
- That's it? Isn't it?
- No, no, no, that's a smudge.
Mama squirrel loves nuts.
Oh you do.
Bark like a dog.
- What?
- Bark!
Louder!
Meow like a pussycat.
And what does the cow say?
The says Moo. The cow says Moo!
Are you ready tiger?
Yes, yes. It's great!
Oh my god!
Is she going to...
Yes she is!
I am honored to be speaking
in front of you today.
I am particularly
grateful to provostalious
and the other Virgin Mary
administrators
for making time in their very busy
schedules to be here today.
Thank you.
Through out my tenure
at Sterling College,
I am most proud of how
I fought for equal gender rights.
Although I did not achieved
the level of success
I had hope with my most
recent project.
The rehabilitation
of Sterling College's
most notorious
and disrespected fraternity.
I swear to you
on my nana's graves
I will continue the gender fight
until I have serviced the needs
of every female student.
That is so gross.
That proffer my resignation
as Associate Dean
at Sterling College...
You guys ready?
...And accept the position
of Dean of Virgin Mary University.
Drop it.
Like it's hot. Roll it.
Proto status. I...
He's not gonna like this.
As well as inserting my rigid ethics
in the lives of your most
impressive student body.
- It's him right?
- Yeah. That's him.
Now ah...
What is... I'm sorry...
Hello.
No! No! That is not me.
That is.
It's photoshoped people.
- Oh mommy.
- Thanks for coming.
Turn this off please.
Please somebody
tell me which one does it!
Turn it off!
Marshall please.
Don't! Don't please.
It's not me.
Save it Marshall.
You're not who
we thought you were.
There's no place for you
at Virgin Mary College after all.
Furry freak...
Wait a minute... you can't...
Tiger Rosenbush?
Hey can I get a copy of that?
Great job.
Alpha House!
Today we reenter an elite
brotherhood...
and sisterhood,
Are we ready to uphold
the traditions of this fraternity...
I mean fraternasorority.
If you are
let me hear you say yeah.
Yeah!
And do we pledge
no matter what,
to never let her hallowed halls
fall silent.
To never let the kegs go dry.
And to never...
ever, let the party die.
If you're with me let me hear
you say fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah!
Welcome back.
To the 24 hour party machine!
Alpha House!
They're not back in 5 minutes
I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have to say when I told you guys
to find some dirt...
I wasn't expecting this.
Well sir it was a full team effort.
Without everybody involved,
never would have happened.
I have some fond memories
of this place.
Thowin' back brooze.
Banging tang.
Hell I was the Alpha Male
3 years running.
Sometimes wish
I could come back.
Sir you're always welcome back.
Once and Alpha always an Alpha.
I may just take you up on that.
Chuckie get over here,
Tracie is showing us
what she learned in Mexico
while standing. Come on!
Excuse us.
- Have a great party.
- Thank you Sir.
You know I was thinking...
- Where you?
- Yeah I was thinking we could uh,
You know. Again.
Unless you're still mad at me.
- Lets go.
- Okay.
Excuse me girls.
Don't slam the door on my face.
- Why shouldn't I?
- Because I brought you these.
You wanna come in?
Sure.
So what do you want?
Uh, I just...
I know you don't like me
very much
but since we are officially
now roommates...
- House mates.
- Right.
I figured
that we should start fresh.
K2 I know I can be a bit
of an asshole but...
- Cameron.
- I think if you got to know me...
- Cameron!
- Yeah.
Turn around.
Bang-o-rang.
You're an asshole.
President asshole.
But I don't hate you.
Oh! Apparently not.
Sady Saltaire.
Uh what?
My porn name.
And that's what I want you
to call me
for the rest of the night.
Sady Saltaire
Anything you say Ms. Saltaire.
Bang-o-Rang.
Hey little squirrel.
You want a nut little guy?
Dude! Not cool!
You scared it.
You want a nut? Hmm?
You want a nut?
You patchouli drenched
birkenstock piece of poop!
I'll get your nut.
Oh hey here's a nut.
Have a nut!
Would you like another nut?
Here. Here. He's another nut!
- Here! Take 'em!
- What the fuck!?
What's wrong?
Don't you like my nuts?
Here!
You can't handle my nuts!
Take my nuts!
Where's the fucking squirrel?
Get over here!
Goddamn you!
Little fucker!
I see you!
You can't hide!